Subj: Redneck2 Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 313 jokes and articles)
Man Does Hat Trick
from
PageWorks
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Subj: Redneck2 Jokes (Gz) (Includes 313 jokes and articles) |
|
Man Does Hat Trick from PageWorks |
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| Subj:
RedneckPride.CA (S461)
From: Fugly.com on 11/21/2005 |
 |
This WMV movie (4431 KBs) and
music is amazing. It's theme is
"If yer gonna to be dumb, you
gotta be tough". I love it.
You can view it at the source
above, or on my web site by
clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: You
Might Be A Redneck If...2003 Edition (S365)
From: howie-tt on 12/30/2003
Your standard of living improves
when you go camping.
Your prenuptial agreement mentions
chickens.
You have jacked up your home
to look for a dog.
You have a relative living in
your garage.
Your neighbor has ever asked
to borrow a quart of beer.
There is a belch on your answering
machine greeting.
You have rebuilt a carburetor
while sitting on the commode.
None of the tires on your van
are the same size.
You hold the hood of your car
with your head
while you work
on it.
Your idea of getting lucky is
passing the emissions test.
Your town put the new garbage
truck in the Christmas parade.
Your local beauty salon also
fixes cars.
Your doghouse and your living
room have the same shag carpet.
You've slow danced in the Waffle
House.
Starting your car involves popping
the hood.
Your garbage man is confused
about what goes and what stays.
You whistle at women in church.
You actually wear shoes your
dog brought home.
You've been in a fistfight at
a yard sale.
You carry a fly swatter in the
front seat of the car
so you can reach
the kids in the backseat.
You think people who have cell
phones and e-mail are uppity.
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Subj: You're
A Redneck When...2002 Edition (S292b)
From: Grampsboyd on 9/6/2002
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
You can entertain yourself for
more than an hour
with a flyswatter.
Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
You think the Nutcracker is something
you did
off the high dive.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
Your entire family sat around
waiting for a call from the
governor to spare a loved one.
You offer to give someone the
shirt off your back and
they don't want it.
You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat
Your grandmother has "Ammo"on her Christmas list.
You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You've bathed with flea and tick soap.
You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.
You took a fishing pole to Sea World.
You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
Your father executes the "Pull
my finger" trick
during Christmas dinner.
Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
You can spit without opening your mouth.
You consider your license plate
personalized because
your father made it.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You sit on your roof at Christmas
time hoping to fill
your deer quota.
You have a complete set of salad
bowls and they all say
Cool Whip on the side.
The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler.
You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
Your neighbors think you're a
detective because a cop
always brings you home.
A tornado hits your neighborhood
and does a $100,000
worth of improvement.
You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.
You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
Somebody tells you that you've
got something in your
teeth and you take them out
to see what it is.
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Subj: You
May Be A Redneck If...(New) (S177)
From: RFSlick on 6/23/00
1. If you have a complete set
of salad bowls and they all
say Cool
Whip on the side ...
2. If the biggest city you've
ever been to is Wal Mart ?
3. If your working TV sits
on top of your non working TV ?
4. If you thought the Unibomber
was a wrestler ?
5. If you've ever used your
ironing board as a buffet table?
6. If you think a quarter horse
is that ride in front of K Mart?
7. If your neighbors think
you're a detective because a
cop always
brings you home ?
8. If a tornado hits your neighborhood
and does $100,000
worth of
improvements ?
9. If you've ever used a toilet
brush as a back scratcher ?
10. If you've ever asked the
preacher "How they hangin'"?
11. If you missed 5th grade
graduation because you had jury duty?
12. If you think fast food is
hitting a deer at 65 MPH ?
13. If somebody tells you that
you've got something in your
teeth and
you take them out to see what it is ...........
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Subj: Redneck
Love Poem (S125b)
From: KMacinty on 6/14/99
Collards is green, my dog's name
is Blue
and I'm so lucky to have a sweet
thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping
in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's and without
all them fleas.
You move like the bass, which
excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales but
I luv you anyway.
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist
a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.
You have some'a yore teeth, for
which I am proud;
I hold my head high when we're
in a crowd.
On special occasions, when you
shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven, and
awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work, they
all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.
like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.
Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin'
overhead.
You ain't mean like those far
ants I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth like
a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life more than
a fresh load of dirt .
When you hold me real tight like
a padded gunrack,
my life is complete; Ain't nuttin'
I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years, yore
age, it keeps hidin'.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together like a skunk
goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart, it's
more romantic that way.
Some men git roses on that oh-so-special
day
from the cooler at Kroger. "That's
impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds from
a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever," they
explain all suave and couth.
But for this man, honey, these
won't do.
Cause yor'e too special, you
sweet thang you.
I got you a gift, without taste
nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...
IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!!
\\\//
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Subj: You
Know You're Trailer Trash When... (S155)
From: joi316 on 01/17/2000
1. The Halloween pumpkin
on your porch has more teeth than
your
spouse.
2. You let your twelve-year-old
daughter smoke at the dinner
table
in front of her kids.
3. You've been married
three times and still have the same
in-laws.
4. You think a woman who
is "out of your league" bowls on a
different
night.
5. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."
6. You wonder how service
stations keep their restrooms so
clean.
7. Anyone in your family
ever died right after saying,
"Hey
watch this."
8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
10. Your junior prom had a daycare.
11. You think the last
words of the Star Spangled Banner are,
"Gentlemen
start your engines."
12. You lit a match in
the bathroom and your house exploded
right
off its wheels.
13. The bluebook value
of your truck goes up and down,
depending
on how much gas is in it.
14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
16. You need one more hole
punched in your card to get a
freebie
at the House of Tattoos.
17. You can't get married
to your sweetheart because
there's
a law against it.
18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
20. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
21. Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.
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Subj: You
Might Be Po' White Trash If.... (S89)
From: icohen on 98-10-16
You think "loading the dishwasher"
means getting your wife drunk.
You were shooting pool when
any of your children were born.
Your wife has ever said, "Come
move this
transmission so
I can take a bath."
You've ever given a rat trap
as a gift.
Your mother has "ammo" on her
Christmas list.
You keep a can of RAID on your
dining room table.
You've totaled every car you've
ever owned.
You ever got too drunk to fish.
Directions to your house include,
"Turn off the paved road."
The dog can't watch you eat
without gagging.
Your lifetime goal is to own
a fireworks stand.
You prefer car keys to Q-Tips.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
You've ever bought a used hat.
You've ever been involved in
a custody fight over a hunting dog.
You're considered an expert
on worm beds.
Your stove is on the porch and
your lawn chairs are in the kitchen.
"Bambi" made you hungry for
rabbit.
You spit chewing tobacco in
house plants.
Your wedding reception included
a beer brunch.
You think a "thesaurus" was
a dinosaur.
You like to brag you learned
to fire a shotgun before you could walk.
Rather than drinking sacramental
wine at church,
you "bring your
own."
The Salvation Army refused your
mattress.
You go to a family reunion to
meet men.
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Subj: Things
You WON'T Hear A Redneck Say... (S61)
From: cohen#il on 98-03-30
"I'll take Shakespeare for 1000,
Alex"
Duct tape won't fix that
Lisa Marie was lucky to catch
Michael
Come to think of it I'll have
a Heineken's
We don't keep firearms in this
house.
Has anybody seen the sideburn
trimmer?
You can't feed that to the dog.
No kids in the back of the pick-up,
it's not safe.
Wrasslin's fake.
Honey, did you mail that donation
to Greenpeace?
We're vegetarians.
Do you think my hair is too
big?
I'll have grapefruit instead
of biscuits and gravy.
Honey, these bonsai trees need
watering?
Who's Richard Petty?
Give me the small bag of pork
rinds.
Deer heads detract from the
decor.
Spitting is such a nasty habit.
I just couldn't find a thing
at Wal-Mart today.
Trim the fat off that steak.
Cappuccino tastes better than
espresso.
The tires on that truck are
too big.
I'll have the arugula and radicchio
salad.
I've got it all on a floppy
disk.
Unsweetened tea tastes better.
Would you like your fish poached
or broiled?
My fiance, Paula Jo, is registered
at Tiffany's.
I've got two cases of Zima for
the Super Bowl.
Little Debbie snack cakes have
too many fat grams.
Checkmate.
She's too old to be wearing
that bikini.
Does the salad bar have bean
sprouts?
Hey, here's an episode of "Hee
Haw" that we haven't seen.
I don't have a favorite college
team.
Be sure to bring my salad dressing
on the side.
I believe you cooked those green
beans too long.
Those shorts ought to be a little
longer, Darla.
Elvis who?
From: humorlist-digest V1 #220 on 97-10-11
I thought Graceland was tacky.
Would you like hash browns instead
of grits?
Hunting? No, I've already shot
my limit. Maybe next time!
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 |
Subj:
11 Year Old Yodeller (S508 - in Music-Supp)
From: darrell94590 on 10/17/2006 |
This 4,100 KB movie is about
an eleven year old girl who sings
a yodel. You can hear
it on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: Red
Aint Dead
(150 more ways to tell if you're a Redneck)
by Jeff Foxworthy
author of You Might Be A Redneck If ...
You just might be a redneck if...
you have
more pickup trucks on your front lawn
than sprinkler
heads.
You just might be a redneck if...
your patio
furnature used to be in your pickup truck.
You just might be a redneck if...
Truckers
tell your wife to watch her language.
You just might be a redneck if...
The family
business requires a lookout.
You just might be a redneck if...
you have
to take the entire day off work to get
your teeth
cleaned.
You just might be a redneck if...
you've ever
been getting gas and another customer
asks you
to check his oil.
You just might be a redneck if...
you consider
dating second cousins as "playing the field."
You just might be a redneck if...
you converted
your carport into a beauty shop.
You just might be a redneck if...
your idea
of a summer vacation is running through the
sprinklers
in the front yard.
You just might be a redneck if...
stealing
road signs is a family outing.
You just might be a redneck if...
you've ever
hollered, "You kids quit playing
on that sheet
metal!"
You just might be a redneck if...
you've ever
rolled your riding lawn mower.
You just might be a redneck if...
you paint
your car with house paint.
You just might be a redneck if...
you can eat
a McDonald's cheeseburger in one bite.
You just might be a redneck if...
you're still
upset about "Gunsmoke" being cancelled.
You just might be a redneck if...
you have
to honk ypur horn when pulling into your
driveway
to keep from killing chickens.
You just might be a redneck if...
you've ever
lost your wife in a poker game.
You just might be a redneck if...
you think
safe sex is when the participants are
married to
each other.
You just might be a redneck if...
the original
color of your carpet is an unsolved mystery.
You just might be a redneck if...
you have
a tire swing in your house.
You just might be a redneck if...
you write
off a radiator as a business expense.
You just might be a redneck if...
you've ever
vacationed in a rest area.
You just might be a redneck if...
you refer
to your van as "The Love Machine."
You just might be a redneck if...
you think
people who have electricity are uppity.
You just might be a redneck if...
your kids
have a three-day-old Kool-Aid mustache.
You just might be a redneck if...
your new
sofa was on a curb in another part
of town yesterday.
You just might be a redneck if...
your two-year-old
has more teeth than you do.
You just might be a redneck if...
your idea
of water conservation is moving your Saturday
night bath
to every other Saturday night.
You just might be a redneck if...
you wash
your car more often than your kids.
You just might be a redneck if...
you see a
sigh that says "Just say no to crack"
and it reminds
you to pull up your jeans.
You just might be a redneck if...
you'r not
allowed to mention the game warden's name
in the house.
You just might be a redneck if...
your wife
would rather fish off a bridge than shop
for clothes.
You just might be a redneck if...
everyone
in your family is an Elvis impersonator.
You just might be a redneck if...
your belt
buckle is bigger than your head.
You just might be a redneck if...
you keep
a pellet gun by the front door.
You just might be a redneck if...
your car
breaks down on the side of the road
and you never
go back to get it.
You just might be a redneck if...
any of your
hobbies require dogs and a lantern.
You just might be a redneck if...
our idea
of a really big time is shooting rats
at the dump.
You just might be a redneck if...
there are
antlers nailed to the outside of your house.
You just might be a redneck if...
your neighbors
have ever asked to borrow a light bulb.
You just might be a redneck if...
you think
cow tipping should be an Olympic sport.
You just might be a redneck if...
you shop
for groceries at a gas station.
You just might be a redneck if...
your car
stereo cost more than your car.
You just might be a redneck if...
you wet the
bead and four others immediately know it.
You just might be a redneck if...
you come
back from the dump with more than you took.
You just might be a redneck if...
you dog doubles
as your diskwasher.
You just might be a redneck if...
the trunk
of your car is tied down and you're not
hauling anything.
You just might be a redneck if...
today's dinner
was too slow crossing the
highway yesterday.
You just might be a redneck if...
you refer
to the fifth grade as "my senior year."
You just might be a redneck if...
your truck
can pass over a 55-gallon dro\un without
touching
it.
You just might be a redneck if...
your muffler
is held on by a coat hanger.
You just might be a redneck if...
going to
the bathroom in the middle of the night
requires
shoes and a flashlight.
You just might be a redneck if...
you keep
catfish in your aquarium.
You just might be a redneck if...
your dog
rides in the front seat and your kids ride
in the back.
You just might be a redneck if...
your mother
doesn't put on shoes to go grocery shopping.
You just might be a redneck if...
you walk
into a restaurant with a toothpick
in your mouth.
You just might be a redneck if...
you can't
schedule a family reunion until after
the parole
board meets.
You just might be a redneck if...
you have
more than ten ceramic statues in your
front yard.
You just might be a redneck if...
girls night
out is held at the laundromat.
You just might be a redneck if...
there is
a ham hanging from the front porch.
You just might be a redneck if...
you can smoke
a cigarette to the end without knochng
off the ash.
You just might be a redneck if...
you give
away more puppies than the Humane Society.
You just might be a redneck if...
you can't
visit relatives without getting mud
on your tires.
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Subj: You
Just Might Be A Redneck If...
For you, "taking a dip" has absolutely
nothing to do
with water.
You ever played solitaire...
for cash.
There's more than 20 pending
lawsuits against your dog.
The plastic flamingoes in your
yard weren't put there
as a joke.
The most often heard phrase
in your house is,
"Will somebody
please go jiggle the handle."
Stealing signs is a family hobby.
You constantly refer to the
third grade as "my senior year."
You have to curl the sides of
your hat
so your wife can
ride in the truck with you.
You have to take off an entire
day to get
your teeth cleaned.
You think that "toilet water"
is actually toilet water.
You think safe sex means doing
it with your spouse.
\\\//
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Subj: You
Know You're A Redneck When..
From: pbluna
1. Every time you see a roadsign
that says "DIP" you
reach in
your back pocket.
2. You've ever had Thanksgiving
dinner on a Ping-Pong table.
3. You have to throw down a
rope ladder to get out
of your truck.
4. You have to hit the dashboard
in your truck to get
the lights
and radio to work.
5. The tires on your pick-up
are taller than your children.
6. The duct tape on your car
seat sticks to your butt
when you
get out.
7. You think "dual airbags"
refers to your wife and
mother-in-law.
8. Shopping for dinner involves
an orange vest.
9. Your school dress code contains
the line "Shoes Optional".
10. You've ever worn hunter's
orange to church.
11. You have barnyard animals
living in your house.
12. Every pair of jeans you
own has a tobacco can ring
worn in one
of the rear pockets.
13. Your truck has a bumper
sticker that reads, "Gun
control is
a steady hand."
14. Your wife has ever torn
her hose on the boogers stuck
under the
front of the pickup seat.
15. You have ever had a special
loaded gun by the back
door only
for use on possums.
16. You have ever shot a possum
on your porch.
17. You don't use a garbage
service because it must be
placed up
near the mail box and you can't see far
enough thru
the trees to shoot the neighbors' dogs
when they
get into it.
18. You only go to the dump
when you have enough to fill
up the pickup.
19. You have more than 500 rounds
of ammunition in your
house....not
including 22 caliber.
20. You have guns in your house
that you cannot find.
21. You think a night of fine
dining is going to the
Snack Bar
at Wal-Mart while the automotive department
is raising
your truck another 8 inches.
22. You think Wal-Mart is expensive.
23. You've got more guns "On
Display" than Wal-Mart
Sporting
Goods.
24. You have ever written a
check for less than a dollar.
25. Your horse wears shoes,
but you don't.
26. It doesn't bother you when
you walk through
a barn barefooted.
27. You name your twin boys
Jack and Daniel.
28. You ask your 10-year old
son how to spell a word.
29. Your dog is your alarm clock.
30. Your wife gets a hunting
license so you can tag
your second
buck.
31. You have all the "Dukes
of Hazzard" episodes on tape.
32. You can give a summary of
all the "Dukes of Hazzard"
episodes.
33. You think that Roe v. Wade
is a decision you make
when crossing
the creek.
34. It takes you and 31 others
in the same room to show
off a full
set of teeth.
35. You've ever stood outside
a K-mart for more than an
hour arguing
with the manager about the shirt and
shoes law.
36. You've ever gone Christmas
shopping at the dollar store.
37. You think the tobacco companies
have done nothing wrong.
38. You've ever shoplifted Spam.
39. You don't understand why
Bo and Luke never tried to get
it on with
Daisy.
40. Your son has ever stolen
disected frogs from Biology
class so
that your family won't go hungry.
41. You prefer the Sears catolog
to Charmin.
42. Your blood alcohol content
has ever exceeded your I.Q.
43. You think deer hunting should
be an olympic sport.
44. You have a set of 16 matching
salad bowls, and they
all say "Cool
Whip" on the side.
45. You have to call the police
more than once a week to
remove your
drunk mother-in-law from your front lawn.
46. Your name is Billy Joe Jim
Bob III.
47. You ever spent the night
in the bed of your truck
rather than
paying for a motel room.
48. None of your zippers have
all their teeth either.
49. You are driving the car
you were conceived in.
50. You've ever used scissors
on food.
51. You've ever re-used a paper
plate.
52. Smith and Wesson attended
your wedding without an
invitation
and there was nothing you could do about it.
53. When you hear someone talking
about the king you don't
know whether
they're talking about Elvis or Richard Petty.
54. You complain about the ban
on assault weapons because it
make half
your guns illegal.
55. You use a pig for a garbage
disposal.
56. You can't go to church this
year because your Sunday
socks are
being used as the truck's gas cap.
57. You think the vowels are
E..I..E..I..O.
58. You clean your car or truck
out with a leaf blower.
59. Your tackle box contains
dynamite and blasting caps.
60. You have the policeman hold
your beer while you
get your
license.
61. You gave your young son
a super-soaker water gun and
an NRA application
for his birthday.
62. You smoke during your deer
hunt after scent-proofing
yourself
all month.
63. A tornado goes through your
trailer's yard and makes
it look neater.
64. You've got to shuck your
toilet paper before you use it.
65. You have an autographed
picture of Bob Barker
in your wallet.
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Subj: You
Might Be A Redneck Jedi if ...
From: ipkis on 97-06-05
Your Jedi robe is a camouflage
color.
You have used your light saber
to open a bottle
of Boone's Farm
Strawberry hill.
You think the best use of your
light saber is picking
your teeth.
At least one wing of your X-Wing
is primer colored.
There is a blaster rack in the
back of your landspeeder.
You have bantha horns on the
front of your landspeeder.
You can easily describe the
taste of an Ewok.
You can find no grammatical
errors in the way Yoda talks.
You think that Stormtroopers
are just
KKK members with
really good sheets.
A peaceful meditation session
is one without gas.
Your master ever said "My finger
you will pull..hmmm?"
You have ever had an X-wing
up on blocks in your yard.
You ever lost a hand during
a light-saber fight because
you had to spit.
The worst part of spending time
on Dagoba is the
dadgum skeeters.
Wookies are offended by your
B.O.
You have ever used the Force
to get yourself
another beer so
you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
You have ever used the Force
in conjunction with
fishing/bowling.
You have ever used a light saber
to clean fish
or open a non-twist-off
bottle of beer.
Your father has ever said to
you, "Shoot,
son come on over
t' the dark Side ... It'll be a hoot."
You have ever had your R-2 unit
use its self-defense
electro-shock thingy
to get the barbeque grill to light.
All those mutants in the bar
at Mos Eisley are your relatives.
You are related to most of them
in more than one way.
Your favorite leisure-time activity
is 'droid-tipping.
Your pal Yoda has a still out
back.
When Darth Vader informs you
of his diabolical plan to
destroy your planet,
your response is, "Well, kiss my grits."
You have two or three nonfunctional
'droids sitting on your
front porch.
You live in a converted Jawa
crawler up on blocks.
You figure Grand Moff Tarkin'll
look the other way
as long as he gets
his cut.
You and your buddies like to
tool around at night
looking for Sandpeople
to beat up.
You think Princess Leia's hairstyles
are conservative.
Luke's call-sign is Red Five;
Biggs' call-sign is Red Three;
your call-sign
is Red Man.
Since you can't open the window,
your X-wing has a spittoon.
Your landspeeder has chromed
headers.
The Millenium Falcon looks like
just the ticket
for smuggling that
'shine into Andromeda galaxy.
The master's wisdom is, "Do.
Or do not. But don't git caught."
You've spent a lot of time in
Empire prison cells,
but mostly for
being drunk and disorderly.
So what if Princess Leia *is*
your sister?
\\\//
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Subj: How
To Tell If You Might Be A "High Tech Redneck"
From: Yzmir's HUMOR LISTS on 5/22/1997
If your e-mail address ends in ".over.yonder.com"
If you connect to the World Wide Web via a "Down Home Page"
If the bumper sticker on your
truck says "My other computer
is a laptop"
If your laptop has a sticker
that says "Protected by
Smith and Wesson"
If you've ever doubled the value
of your truck
by installing a
cellular phone.
If your baseball cap read "DEC" instead of "CAT"
If your computer is worth more than all your cars combined
If your wife said "either she
or the computer had to go",
and you still don't
miss her
If you've ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster to set your beer on
If you ever refer to your computer as "Ole Bessy"
If your screen saver is a bitmap image of your favorite truck
\\\//
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Subj: Redneck
Computer Terms (S459b)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #12 on 98-01-13
(See 'Technology for Country Folk'
in Drawings-Computers2)
BACKUP - What you do when you
run across a skunk in the woods
BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n
rules down at the local tavern
BUG - The reason you give for
calling in sick
BYTE - What your pit bull dun
to cusin Jethro
CACHE - Needed when you run
out of food stamps
CHIP - Pasture muffins that
you try not to step in
TERMINAL - Time to call the
undertaker
CRASH - When you go to Junior's
party uninvited
DIGITAL - The art of counting
on your fingers
DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer
FAX - What you lie about to
the IRS
HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32
years of smoking
HARDCOPY - Picture looked at
when selecting tattoos
INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers
put their hair
KEYBOARD - Where you hang the
keys to the John Deere
MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast
food
MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels
after 17 beers
MODEM - What ya did when the
grass and weeds got too tall
MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and
Minnie live
NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish
before it breaks the line
ONLINE - Where to stay when
taking the sobriety test
ROM - Where the pope lives
SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters
off the porch
SERIAL PORT - A red wine you
drink with breakfast
SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee
of the year
SCSI - What you call your week-old
underwear
\\\//
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Subj: Ten
Way To Tell If A Redneck Has Been Working On A Computer!
From: collins2 on 4/6/99
10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco
stains on them.
8. The six front keys have
rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have
Ford truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only
goes up to six.
5. The password is "BUBBA".
4. There's a gun rack mounted
on the CPU.
3. There's a Skoal can in the
CD-ROM Drive.
2. The keyboard is painted
in camouflage.
And the number one way to tell
is a Redneck has been working
on a computer
is ........
"The mouse is reffered to as
a CRITTER."
\\\//
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Subj: You
Might Be A "Redneck" If . . . . .
From: RFSlick on 97-11-22
(Just the ones I related to)
...You've totaled every car you've
ever owned.
...There's at least five McDonald's
bags on your floorboard.
...Your primary source of income
is the pawn shop.
...You've ever barbecued Spam
on the grill.
...You go to the family reunion
to pick up women.
...None of your shirts cover
your stomach.
...the only condiment on the
table is the economy size
bottle of ketchup.
...The rear tires on your car
are twice as wide as
the front ones.
...Your father encourages you
to quit school
because Larry has an opening on the lube rack
...You had to remove a toothpick
for wedding pictures.
...You won't stop at a rest
area if you have an empty beer
can in the car.
...You have a Hefty bag on the
passenger side window
of your car.
...You have a very special baseball
cap, just for
formal occasions.
...Your wife has a beer belly
and you find it attractive.
...Someone in your family says
"Cum'n heer an' lookit this
afore I flush it."
...Your wife weighs more then
your refrigerator.
...You've never paid for a haircut.
...You own at least 20 baseball
hats.
...You have spent more on your
pickup truck than
on your education.
...You're turned on by a woman
who can field dress a deer
\\\//
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========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
| Subj:
Redneck Women (S482)
From: darrell94590 on 4/19/2006 |
 |
Darrell thank you for this movie.
Every time I see it,
I laugh so hard I cry.
You can view it on my web site
by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
 |
Smiley the Crazy Redneck from
Smiley Faces |