Subj: Redneck3 Jokes
(Includes 72 jokes and articles, 18 1022,6,cif,vYT4,2)
ARG! Cartoon Aimation Studio
Subj: Redneck Pick-Up Lines (DU)
Redneck Christmas Carols (S464b,d)
From: darrell94590 on 12/12/2005
In this short, SWF video, Larry
the Cable Guy sings
Redneck Christmas Carols to close one of his comedy
acts. Clicking 'HERE' to listen and watch.
Subj: Poem About A Hexed Redneck (S342b, S827)
From: LABLaughs.com on 8/4/2003
My wife just left, and the well
My horse is sick and about to die.
Then my still blew up and the barn burned down,
And the road washed out on the way to town.
Then my dog got rabies and bit
And they both died soon after that.
Now I lost my specs, and my pipe-stem broke,
So I can't even sit and read and smoke.
A tree fell on the chicken shed,
And most of the hens got smashed plumb dead.
Then a chimney fire took half of a wall,
And this old shack is about to fall.
Then I caught my heel on an old
And sat smack dab on a porcupine.
Then a beaver dam broke and my bridge washed out,
And my watch stopped working and I've got the gout.
And the bank foreclosed, so I've
lost my place,
And my cow disappeared without a trace.
They cut off my credit at the grocery store,
And I lost my job and a whole lot more.
I must have been hexed by a triple
As things keep going from bad to worse.
And now fate has hit me a last dirty crack,
To top off the worst... my wife's coming back!
Subj: Redneck Family Tree (S307, S509)
..........From: Puneet385 on 12/19/2002
(Also see 'I'm My Own Grandpa' in Music-Supp)
Many many years ago
when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow
who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandmother too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!
Subj: You'll Know Yours Is A Redneck Church If (S291, DU)
From: ICohen on 8/29/2002
People ask, when they learn that
Jesus fed the 5000, whether
the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to
When the pastor says, "I'd like
to ask Bubba to help take up
the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
Opening day of deer season is
recognized as an official
A member of the church requests
to be buried in his 4-wheel-
drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it could
not get out of."
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."
Boone's Farm "Tickle Pink" is the favorite wine for communion.
In a congregation of 500 members,
there are only seven last
names in the church directory.
Baptism is referred to as "branding."
There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank.
Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.
High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.
People think "rapture" is what
you get when you lift some-
thing too heavy.
The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub.
The choir robes were donated
by (and embroidered with the
logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.
The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.
The finance committee refuses
to provide funds for the
purchase of a chandelier because none of the members
knows how to play one.
Subj: Redneck Calls FBI About Marijuana (S214, DU)
From: KMACINTY on 3/6/2001
(Also see 'The
Lettuce Patch' in PRISON
and see 'Irishman Needs His Garden Spaded' in IRISH2))
WHO SAYS REDNECKS AREN'T REAL BRIGHT??
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about
my neighbor Billy Bob Smith!
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents
descend on Billy Bob's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes,
they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They end up swearing at Billy Bob and leaving.
The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
"Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Merry Christmas, Buddy!"
Subj: Redneck Engineering Exam (S131B, S601c)
From: smiles on 8/6/99
and From: RFSlick on 5/20/2003
1. Calculate the smallest limb
diameter on a persimmon
tree that will support a 10 lb. possum.
2. Which of the following cars
will rust out the quickest
when placed on blocks in your front yard?
A) 66 Ford Fairlane
B) 69 Chevrolet Chevelle
C) 64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still
that operates at a
capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car
radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain
saw that operates at
2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to
be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in
size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
Pabst Blue Ribbons will be consumed in cutting the
5. If every old refrigerator
in the state vented its
charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the
decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed
of 2x8 pine on 24 inch
centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8
feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor
is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses,
how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a house and 3.7
acres of land in a hollow
with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children.
Can each of the children place a mobile home on the
8. A 2 ton pulpwood truck is
overloaded and proceeding
down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The
brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of
secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid
the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the
credit, how many of the vehicles that
swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?
9. A coal mine operates as an
NFPA Class 1, Division 2
Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift.
A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift.
How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked
during the shift?
10. At a reduction in gene pool
variability rate of 7.5%
per generation, how long will it take a town that has
been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country
Subj: Maw Wants Paw To Fix Outhouse (S212, S606)
From: thebartend on 2/23/2001
Maw is outside hangin' up the
laundry, when she hears Paw
in the kitchen. Maw walks in and says, "Paw, get out there
and fix that there outhouse."
Paw says, "All right, Maw."
Paw walks out to the outhouse,
looks at it and says, "Maw, there ain't nothin' wrong with
this here outhouse!"
Maw says, "Yes, there is. Put your head down in the hole."
Paw says, "I ain't puttin' my head in that there hole!"
Maw says, "Well you're gonna
have to if'n you're gonna fix
So Paw puts his head down in
the hole (just a little bit,
mind ya) and then hollers, "Maw, there ain't nothin' wrong
with this here outhouse!"
Maw hollers, "Now pull your head out of the hole."
Paw goes to lift up his head
and he says, "Oww! Ouch! Maw!
MAW, my beard's stuck in the wood cracks in the seat!"
Maw says, "Aggravatin', ain't it?"
Subj: Ma And Pa Sitting On The Porch
From: humorlist-digest V2 #168 on 98-07-07
Ma and Pa are sitting on the front porch swing rockin.
Pa says to Ma "Screw you Ma"
A minute goes by, and Ma says to Pa "Screw you Pa"
A minute goes by, and Pa says to Ma "Screw you Ma"
Another minute goes by, and Ma says to Pa "Screw you Pa"
Another minute goes by, and Pa says to Ma "Screw you Ma"
A minute later, Ma says to Pa "Screw you Pa"
A couple of minutes go by, and
Pa says to Ma "I don't know
about you Ma, but I just don't get too much out of this
Oral Sex stuff!"
Subj: Ventriloquist Takes Act To Mississippi (S382b)
From: RFSlick on 98-05-13
(Also see 'The Ventiloquist' in BLONDE2)
A ventriloquist from New York
took his act on the road to
Mississippi. After about twenty minutes of performing
joke after joke about rednecks a good ol' boy in the
audience stood up and said, "I'm damn tired of you Yankees
makin' fun of us southern folks and always tryin' to make
us look stupid. If you don't stop it right now I'm going
to come up there and shut you up!"
The ventriloquist said, "Take
it easy buddy, they're just
The redneck replied, "You stay
out of this...I'm talkin'
to that little loudmouth on your lap!"
Subj: Two Redneck Hunters (S289)
From: mjsl on 8/15/2002
(Also see 'Bubba And Bo Go Hunting II' in Huntung)
A couple of redneck hunters are
out in the woods when
one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be
breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other redneck starts to panic,
then whips out his
cell phone and calls 911. He frantically blurts out to
the operator, "O my gawd! Help! My friend just died.
He's dead! What can I do?"
The operator, trying to calm
him says, "Take it easy.
I can help. Just listen to me and follow my instructions.
First, lets make sure he's dead."
There's a short pause, and then
the operator hears a loud
gun shot. The redneck comes back on the line and says,
"OK, now what?"
Subj: Two Rednecks And The Roadblock (S112)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #86 on 98-04-08
and From: Bawdy.Net Collage #293 on 3/19/99
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl,
were driving down the road
drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba,
said "lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-leece road-
block!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here
Don't worry, Bubba", Earl said.
"We'll just pull over and
finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick
it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat".
"What fer?", asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin',
OK?", said Earl. Well, they
finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the
seat, and each put a label on their forehead.
When they reached the roadblock,
the sheriff said, "You
boys been drinkin'?"
"No, sir", said Earl. "We're on the patch".
Subj: Jesus Sitting At The Bar (S61, S472)
From: thebartend on 98-04-01
and From: DoctorDebt on 1/26/2006
The bartender was washing his
glasses, when an elderly
Irishman came in. With great difficulty, the Irishman
hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself
up painfully, and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey. The
Irishman looked down the bar and said, "Is that Jesus
down there?" The bartender nodded, so the Irishman told
him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey, too.
The next patron to come in was
an ailing Italian with a
hunched back, who moved very slow. He shuffled up to the
barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked
down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting at the
end of the bar. The bartender nodded, so the Italian said
to give him a glass of Chianti, too.
The third patron to enter the
bar was a redneck, who
swaggered into the bar and hollered, "Barkeep, set me up
a cold one! Hey, is that God's Boy down there?" The
barkeep nodded, so the redneck told him to give Jesus a
cold one, too.
As Jesus got up to leave, he
walked over to the Irishman
and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are
healed!" The Irishman felt the strength come back to his
leg, so he got up and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus touched the Italian and
said, "For your kindness,
you are healed!" The Italian felt his back straighten,
so he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out
Jesus walked toward the redneck,
but the redneck jumped
back and exclaimed, "Don't touch me! I'm drawing disability!"
Subj: Three Rednecks By The Camp Fire (S296)
(Also see 'Three cowboys tell tall tales' in COWBOY)
These three tough rednecks were
sitting around the campfire
talking about just who was the toughest. The first redneck
says: Well I'm so tough, once when I was out gathering wood,
this coyote jumped me from behind. Well I just grabbed him
by the neck with my left hand and choked him to death.
The second redneck says: Hell,
that ain't nothing. Once
when I was up on the trail with my horse Thunder this big
ol' grizzly bear comes out of the woods with hunger in his
eyes. He chomps down and rips of my left arm. Well this
really gets my riled up so I grab my arm from his mouth
with my right arm and beat the danged grizzly to death with
The third redneck sits quitely
stirring up the fire with his
Subj: Rednecks Get Married (S65)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #99 on 98-04-21
Redneck Billy Joe and Redneck
Mary Sue are joined in holy
matrimony. They spend their wedding night at the Motel 6
Honeymoon Suite in Parthenon, Arkansas. They've abstained
from the big deed until this very night.
Just as Billy Joe is about to
make love to his new wife for
the first time, she stops him. "Wait, Billy Joe. I just
thought you should know.. this ain't just our first time.
It's my first time ever. I'm a virgin. I been savin' myself
just for you."
"Whut you say, Mary Sue?"
"I said, I'm a virgin.
One hunnert percent cherry. Just
for you on ur weddin' night."
"Yore a VIRGIN??" He asked somewhat shocked.
"That's right. Please be gentle."
"Gentle? Gentle my ass.
I'm outta here!" With that,
Billy Joe pulls up his pants, hard-on and all, and leaves
his virgin bride lying alone and naked.
He slams the door, gets in his pickup, and drives home.
"Paw! Paw! Wake up! Yore not gonna believe this!"
"Huh? Billy Joe, whut the
hell you doin' here? It's
3 AM on yore weddin' night! Why the hell ain't you and
that purty new wife of yours in a haystack somewhere doing
it like rabbits?"
"Paw, I wuz all set to do just
that, when Mary Sue up
and tells me that she's a virgin!"
"That's right, Paw. One
hunnert percent cherry. As soon as
she told me, I got the hell outta there as fast as I could!"
"Well, son, lemme tell you, you
did the right thing... Cuz
if she ain't good enough fer her own fam'ly, she certainly
ain't good enough for ours.
Subj: Redneck Birthday Cake (S412)
From: jbcary1 on 12/12/2004
Subj: Two Rednecks Discuss Sheep Sheering
Two RedNecks standing around
on a sheep farm, during the
coldest winter they've had in years. Red turns to Bo and
confessed that he really couldn't wait til it was time to
shear the flocks.
The other nodded, rubbing his
hands together in anticipation.
"It'll be great selling the wool, and spending the money on
Whiskey and beer, wi-men and pool... won't it?"
"Nawh... That ain't it," said
Red. "Ah just cain't WAIT ta
Subj: Irish, Mexican, And Redneck Do Construction Work (S110, S560b)
From: ipkis on 97-06-09
and From: sfo_pilot on 10/10/2007
An Irishman, a Mexican and an
Alabama redneck were doing
construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a
building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said,
"Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage
one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexcian opened his lunch
box and exclaimed, "Burritos
again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump
The Alabama redneck opened his
lunch and said, "Bologna
again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm
Next day - The Irishman opens
his lunch box, sees corned
beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican
opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The Alabama
redneck opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his
At the funeral - The Irishman's
wife is weeping. She says,
"If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and
cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!
The Mexican's wife also weeps
and says " I could have given
him two tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated
burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at
the Alabama redneck's wife.
"Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch!"
Subj: Redneck Reading Test (S31, S509)
From: Jeff Foxworthy
Source: (Removed from email@example.com)
(Also see 'Duck Word Riddle' in DUCKS)
Read the following: If
you get it, then you read it
correctly, and you are probably a redneck. If you
don't get it, you didn't read it right... Which
means you aren't a redneck... Ask me, and I'll explain
it. (9 out of 10 probably won't get it...)
M R DUCKS
M R NOT
O S A R C M WANGS
L I B M R DUCKS
Subj: Gas Station's 'Free Sex' Contest (S293b, S693b)
From: coreymac on 9/11/2002
and From: tom on 4/28/2010
(See 'Irish, Italian And Polish Discuss Best Bar' in Polish)
There was this gas station in
redneck country trying to
increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying,
"Free Sex with Fill-up."
Soon a redneck customer pulled
in, filled his tank and
then asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a
number from one to 10 and
if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
The buyer then guessed eight.
The proprietor said, "No,
you were close. The number was seven. Sorry, no free
sex this time but maybe next time."
Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy
pulled in again
for a fill-up and again he
asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave
The man guessed two this
The buddy replied, "No, it ain't
rigged. My wife won
twice last week."
Subj: Twas A Redneck Christmas
From: smiles on 98-12-10
'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the trailer
Not a creature was stirrin' 'Cept a redneck named Taylor.
His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle,
And a-runnin' down his chin Was a trickle of spittle.
His socks, they were hung by the chimney with care,
And therefore there was a foul stench in the air.
That Bubba got scared And rousted
There was Rufus, 12; Jim Bob was 11;
Dud goin' on 10; Otis was 7.
John, George and Chucky Were 5,4, and 3:
The twins were both girls So they let them be.
They jumped in their overalls,
No need for a shirt,
Threw a hat on each head, Then turned with a jerk.
They ran to the gun rack That hung on the wall.
There were 17 shotguns; They grabbed them all.
Bubba said to the young'uns,
"Now hesh up ya'll!
The last thing we wanna do Is wake up yer Maw."
Maw was expecting And needed her sleep,
So out they crept out the door Without making a peep.
They all looked around, and then
they all spit.
The young'uns asked Bubba, "Paw, what is it?"
Bubba just stared; He could not say a word.
This was just like all of The stories he'd heard.
It was Santy Claus on the roof,
But the boys didn't know; They was about to start shootin'!
They aimed their shotguns and nearly made a mistake
That would have resulted in venison steak.
Bubba hollered out, "Don't shoot, boys!"
That's Santy Claus And he's brought us some toys.
The dogs were a-barkin' And a-raisin'
And Bubba whistled, and shouted, And called them by name.
"Down, Spot! Shut up Bullet! Quiet, Pete and Roscoe!
Git, Turnip and Tater and Sam and Bosco!"
"Git down from that porch! Git
down off that wall!
Quit shakin the trailer, Or you'll make Santy fall!"
The dogs kept a-barkin' And wouldn't shut up,
And they trampled poor Pete Who was only a pup.
Santy opened his bag, And threw
out some toys.
Bubba got most, But left a few for the boys.
Since the guns had been dropped He just might not die.
He jumped in his sleigh, Told
his reindeer to hurry.
The trailer started to wobble Santa started to worry.
Just as the reindeer Got into the air,
The trailer collapsed, But Bubba didn't care.
He was busy lookin' At all his
Then a thought hit him, And he said to the boys:
"Go check on yer Maw, Make sure she's all right.
That roof fallin' on her Could-a hurt just a might."
But Maw was OK, And the girls
They fixed up the trailer; It looked good as new.
And as for Bubba, He liked Old St. Nick,
But Santa thought Bubba Was a pure-in-tee hick!
Bubba had a nice Christmas,
And the boys did, too.
And the Taylors wish A Merry Christmas to you!
Subj: Redneck Nativity Scene (S46, S518b)
From: cohen#il on 97-12-12
In a small Southern town there
was a "Nativity Scene" that
showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it.
One small feature bothered me. The Three Wise Men were
wearing Firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with
a reason or explanation, I left.
At the "Quick Stop" on the edge
of town, I asked the lady
behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into
a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never do read the
I assured her that I did, but
simply could not recall any-
thing about Firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible
from behind the counter, flipped thru some pages, and
finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my
face she said "See, it says right here, "The Three Wise
Men came from afar!"
Subj: Twas The Night After Christmas
From: auntieg on 98-12-18
'Twas the Night After Christmas"
By Jeff Foxworthy (?)
'Twas the night after Christmas
and all through the trailer,
the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler.
The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys,
and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy.
The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife,
the worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives.
My wife couldn't argue and neither could I,
so I watched TV and my wife, she just cried.
When out in the yard the dog
I stood up and looked and I saw Sheriff Larkin.
He yelled, "Roy I am sworn to uphold the laws
and I got a complaint here from a feller named Claus."
I said, "Claus, I don't know nobody named Claus,
and you ain't taking me in without probable cause."
Then the Sheriff he said, "The man was shot at last night."
I said, "That might have been me, just what's he look like?"
The Sheriff replied, "He's a jolly old feller, with a big
beer gut belly, that shakes when he laughs like a bowl full
He sports a long beard, and a
nose like a cherry."
I said, "Sheriff that sounds like my wife's sister Sherri."
"It's no time for jokes Roy" the Sheriff he said.
"The man I'm describing is dressed all in red.
I'm here for the truth now, it's time to come clean.
Tell me what you've done, tell me what you've seen."
Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell,
it wouldn't have been the first time that I've spent
New Years in jail.
I said, "Sheriff it happened
last night about ten,
and I thought that my wife had been drinking again."
When she walked in from work she was as white as a ghost.
I thought maybe she had seen one of them UFO's.
But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her
head, and stopped on the roof of our good neighbour Red.
Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shudder,
a freezer full of venison standing right on Red's gutter.
Well my hands were a shakin' as I grabbed my gun,
when outta Red's chimney this feller did run.
And slung on his back was this bag over flowin'.
I thought he'd stolen Red's stuff while old Red was
So I yelled, "Drop fat boy, hands
in the air!"
But he went about his business like he hadn't a care.
So I popped a warning shot over his head.
Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled.
And as he flew off I heard him extort,
"That's assault with intent Roy, I'll see ya in court."
Subj: Short Redneck Jokes
Risky Whisky (S473b,d in Games-Supp)
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 2/2/2006
Source: (Removed from jarkey.net)
Subj: Sack Of Chickens (S313)
From: szalay on 1/30/2003
Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one
is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy
Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?"
"Jes' some chickens."
"If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?"
"Shoot, if ya guesses right, I'll give you both of 'em!"
SWF Video "The Redneck Game" (S370d)
From: Grampsboyd on 2/28/2004
At: (Removed by shockhaber.com)
Subj: Redneck Photos (S308)
From: flovilla on 12/7/2002
Thanks Janice, these fifteen redneck photos are great.
I can picture myself trying at least half of them.
Click 'HERE'. to see them
These pictures are too good to
Subj: Klan And Blacks Agree
From: Scott's Joke Archive on 7/22/01
In an August meeting at a Tampa, Fla. church, representatives
of the Union of Independent [Ku Klux] Klansmen and the
all-black Pan-African Inter-National Movement vowed to work
together to create an independent African nation for African-
Americans. The groups agree that integration in the U. S.
is impractical and that relocation payments should be made
to African-Americans as restitution for historical oppression.
[St. Petersburg Times, Aug93] (393)
Subj: Elmer Goes A Courting (S113, S610)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #295 on 3/24/99
Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya
going boy ?"
The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting
The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me
no dang lantern."
"Sure Pa, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got!"
Subj: Three biggest Lies By A Redneck Male (S113, S352)
1. No, I really have a diploma.
2. No, she's not my cousin.
3. Honest officer I was only trying to help
the sheep over the fence.
If an infinite number of rednecks
riding in an infinite
number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shot-
gun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they
will eventually produce all the world's great literary
works in Braille. See 'Contest of Theories' in THOUGHTS-SILLY.
From: RFSlick on 2/19/00 (S165)
Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left
his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow? She
can't touch it till she's fourteen...
What's the difference between
a good ol' boy and a redneck?
The good ol' boy raises livestock.
The redneck gets emotionally involved.
Where was the toothbrush invented?
Oklahoma. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have
been called a teethbrush.
Two Rednecks working on a cattle
farm, Junior and Bo...
Junior: "Gosh Bo, A'h can't wait till we start the cattle
Bo: "Yep, out on the range... Jest you an me an dem cows."
Junior: "uh-hu... and wait till we take'em cross the
river... Imagine it!"
Bo: "Yep, You an'me guidin' dem cows cross the river,
Junior: "Yeah, watchin'em all come out of the river all
wet an shivering."
The teachers' strike in WV has
been settled: The dispute
was over sex education. It has been agreed that sex
education will be taught on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On
Monday, Wednesday and Friday, drivers' ed. gets the car.
In most places, the day After
Christmas and the day after
Thanksgiving are the busiest shopping days... but not in
Arkansas.... Their's is what ever time K-mart has their
If you see a sign that says "Say
NO to Crack" and it
reminds you to pull up your pants, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck If...you
pee into the wind and
From: humorlist-digest V2 #37 on 98-02-07
I married a moonshiner's daughter and I love her still.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #115 on 98-05-10
Smith ? Wesson: The original point and click interface.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 8/23/2001
"If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck."
-- Jeff Foxworthy
From: dogbyte on 4/13/2002 (S272c)
If a hillbilly woman divorces her husband,....
is he still her brother?
Q: What do you call the layer
of sweat between
two rednecks having sex?
A: Relative Humidity.
Q: What's the first thing a redneck
his pick-up truck breaks down?
A: Builds a house!
Q: How do you castrate a hill
A: Kick his sister in the jaw!
Q: Where do redneck meet chicks?
A: At family barbecues of course.
Q: Why do True RedNecks Wear
Button Fly Jeans?
A: Because sheep can hear zippers!!
Q: What do u get when u cross
a pit-bull with a red neck?
A: An all-white neighbourhood
Q: How did the two redneck blondes
drown in a pickup?
A: They were riding in the open back when the truck went
into a pond. They couldn't get the tailgate down!
Q: What do they call "Hee Haw"
A: A documentary.
Q: What do they call it in Kentucky?
A: 'Life Styles Of The Rich And Famous'
Q: What's a level headed RedNeck?
A: One with sh*t coming out BOTH ears.
Q: Why are there no fly swatters
A: It's against the law to kill the State Bird.
Q: How do you get 12 RedNecks
in phone booth?
A: Tell 'em it's free phone sex.
A: Tell 'em Hulk Hogan is calling.
Q: How do you get 12 RedNecks
out of a phone booth?
A: Toss in a bar of soap.
A: Throw in a copy of GQ.
Q: How do you get them Back in
A: Toss a plug inside.
A: Tell 'em Hulk Hogan is calling back.
Q: How does a `Real Man' know
his girlfriend is having an orgasm?
A: A `Real Man' doesn't care.
Q: What do you call a RedNeck
with a third grade education?
Q: What's the difference between
a good ol' boy
and a redneck?
A: The good ol' boy raises livestock.
The redneck gets emotionally involved.
Q: Why don't they teach sex education
A: The farm animals can't handle it.
Q: Why do Rednecks `do it' doggie-style?
A: So the guy closes his eyes he can pretend
it's `Bessy' (Daddy's cow)
Q: What do hillbillys do on Halloween?
Q: What's the one thing most
rednecks say, just before dying?
A: "Hey y'all. Watch this."
From: humorlist-digest V2 #34 on 98-02-04
Q: What has three teeth and sixty feet?
A: The front row at a Willy Nelson concert.
From: RFSlick on 98-04-10
Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
A: Sooner or later, someones bound to lose a trailer.
From: scott_pryor on 99-02-21
Q: How can a redneck trailer-tramp tell when
her daughter is having a period?
A: Her son's dick tastes funny.
Q: What did the redneck trailer-tramp
to her lover after sex?
A: Down boy.
From: KMacinty on 8/24/99 (S134)
Q: Why do driver education classes in redneck schools use
the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A: Because on Tuesdays and Thursdays,
the Sex Ed class uses it.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 5/18/2001
Q: How can you tell you are staying in a redneck hotel?
A: When you call down to the front desk on the telephone
and say, "I have a leak in the sink!" The desk clerk
says, "Go ahead!"
From: dogbyte on 12/27/2001 (S256)
Q: What does a 12 year old hillbilly girl say when
she's losing her virginity?
A: "Get off me, dad! You're crushing my cigarettes!"
Q: What is the definition of
a hillbilly virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers.
Q: What's the difference between
trash and white trash?
A: Absolutely nothing. They both drive around in dump
trucks, smell like shit, and get more and more rotten
From: dogbyte on 8/11/2002 (S289b)
Q: What does it mean when a girl in West Virginia has
cum running out of both sides of her mouth?
A: The trailer is level!