Subj: Yo Mama Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 289 jokes and articles)
Kangaroo Mother from
Millanimations
| >>>
Subj: Yo Mama Jokes (Gz) (Includes 289 jokes and articles) |
|
Kangaroo Mother from Millanimations |
Now before you read the jokes
understand this - these jokes
are in no way aimed at you,
the reader. If you're easily
offended don't read any further.
So any similarity between
these jokes & your mother
is purely coincidental. Honestly.
Without a doubt. Postively.
None at all. Really.
============================================================
Includes the following: Yo'
mama's so fat..... (S582b)
.........................Yo'
mama's so stoopid.....
.........................Yo'
mama's so ugly.....
.........................Yo'
mama's so old.....
.........................Yo'
mama's so wrinkled.....
.........................Yo'
mama's so short.....
.........................Yo'
mama's so nasty.....
.........................Yo'
mama's so hairy.....
.........................Yo'
mama's so poor.....
.........................Yo'
mama's so bald.....
.........................Yo'
mama's so horny.....
.........................Yo'
mama's SO SLUTTY.....
.........................Yo'
mama's glasses are so thick.....
.........................Yo'
mama's house is so.....
.........................Yo'
mama's pussy is so.....
.........................Yo'
mama's like.....
.........................Other
Yo Mama.....
..............................If.....
.........................Contributers.
============================================================Top
Subj: Yo'
Mama's SO FAT..... (S582b)
she been declared a natural
habitat for condors.
She broke her leg and
gravy dripped out.
she can kick start a
747.
She can't even jump to
a conclusion.
she can't see her breasts.
She could sell shade.
she doesn't sit she spreads.
she eats her cereal out
of a satelite dish.
she fell in love and
she broke it
she fell out of a tree
and went straight to hell.
she fell over, broke
her leg and gravy poured out.
she gets clothes in three
sizes: extra large, jumbo,
and
oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us!
she gets her dresses
made by Barnum and Bailey.
she got a ticket for
walking the wrong way down
a one
way street.
she got more chins than
a Chinese telephone directory.
She got smaller fat women
orbiting around her.
she got to iron her pants
on the driveway.
she got to pull down
her pants to get into her pockets
she had to go to Sea
World to get baptised.
she has her own asteroid
belt.
She has to iron her pants
on the driveway.
She has to put her belt
on with a boomerang.
she has to wear a "Wide
Load" sign on her ass to walk
down
the street.
she is on both sides
of the family.
she jumps up in the air
and gets stuck.
she lay on the beach
and people run around yelling
"Free
Willy!".
she lives in two time
zones - supper time and dinner time.
she looked up 'thin'
in the dictionary and
it
said 'not you.'
she needs to use a boomerang
to scratch her fat ass.
she wakes up on BOTH
sides of the bed!
she went swimming and
got harpooned.
she pay taxes in three
countries.
She puts mayonnaise on
aspirin.
she puts on her lipstick
with a paint roller.
she rocked herself to
sleep trying to get up again.
she rolled over 4 quarters
and made a dollar.
she sat down on a quarter
& squeezed a booger out
George
Washington's nose
she sets off car alarms
when she runs.
she stepped on the scales
and it said "One at a time please."
she stepped on the scales
and it said "To be continued."
she stepped on the scales
and it said "We don't do livestock."
she tie a refrigerator
round her waist and uses it
as
a bleeper.
she thought gravy was
a beverage.
she uses a mattress as
a tampon.
she wakes up in sections.
she was born on the 4th,
5th and 6th of March.
She was born with a silver
shovel in her mouth.
she was floating in the
ocean and Spain claimed her for
their
new world.
she was kidnapped by
a cannibal tribe, they all died
of
cholesterol.....
she was mistaken for
God's bowling ball.
she was stopped by police
dogs at the airport
for
having 300lbs of crack under her dress.
she wears two watches,
one for each time zone.
she went on a date in
high heels and came back
wearing
sandals.
she went the movies and
sat by everyone.
when her beeper goes off,
people think she is backing up!
when I was on top of
her I rolled over three times
and
I was still on top of the bitch.
when I yelled "hey fat
bitch" and she turned around!
when she bungee jumps
she brings the bridge down too.
When she crosses the
street, cars look out for her.
when she dances at a
concert the whole band skips.
when she fell in love
she broke it.
When she gets in an elevator,
it HAS to go down.
when she goes jogging
it registers 6.7
on
the Richter scale.
when she goes sunbathing
on the beach GreenPeace
try
to push her back in.
when she goes swimming
the tide comes in.
when she goes to a restaurant
and looks at the menu,
she
says "Okay!".
When she goes to a restaurant,
she doesn't get a menu,
she
gets an estimate.
when she goes to an 'all
you can eat', they have to
install
speed bumps.
when she goes to an amusement
park people try to ride her.
when she goes to the
zoo, elephants throw peanuts at her.
when she has sex she
has to give directions.
when she hauls ass she
has to make two trips.
when she last went to
church, nobody would leave
until
she sang.
when she moons NASA tries
to land on her.
When she ran away, they
had to use all four sides
of
the milk carton.
From: drribeiro on 5/22/2003 (S330b)
when she sinks down into
the bathtub
the
water in the toilet bowl rises..
when she sits around
the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
when she sits on my face
I can't hear the stereo.
when she stands in the
left turn lane it shows
her
a green arrow.
when she tripped over
in 4th Ave she landed on 12th.
when she walks backwards
she bleeps.
when she was born she
gave the hospital stretch marks.
When she was diagnosed
with a flesh eating disease
the
doctor gave her 13 years to live.
when she wears a yellow
coat people shout "Taxi!".
when she wears a yellow
shirt people wear sunglasses.
when you get on top of
her your ears pop.
before he could fuck her
yo' daddy had to roll her in flower,
and
slap the piss out of her, to see which wrinkle got wet.
even a photo of her weighs
fifteen pounds.
everytime she wears high
heels she strikes oil.
her blood type is Ragu.
her BVD underware stretches
out to spell Boulavard.
her crabs go bungee jumping
off her tampon string.
her driver's license
says -picture continued on other side.
her high school picture
was an aerial photograph.
her last boyfriend past
away, his last words were "Sit
on my face, baby."
her measurements are
36-24-36, and her other arm is
just
as big
her nickname is "Damn!".
her nickname is the Badyear
Blimp.
Her cereal bowl came
with a lifeguard.
I kept trying to leave
her, but I couldn't escape her
gravitational
pull.
if she got your shoes
shined, she'd have to take his
word
for it!
if she was two feet taller
she'd be spherical.
if you slap her thigh
you can ride the wave in.
in school when she stood
up and turned around,
she
would erase all the black-boards in the room.
it took God one day to
create the earth and five days
to
create yo mama!
kids jog round her for
exercise.
last time she went skydiving
there was an eclipse.
last time she wore a
Malcolm X jacket a helicopter
landed
on her.
NASA's got a satellite
orbiting her.
People jog around her
for exercise.
The back of her neck
looks like a pack of hot dogs.
the highway patrol made
her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
the National Weather
Agency has to assign names to her farts.
the only pictures you
got of her are taken by satellite.
the other day she was
standing at a corner
and
the cops came over and said "Hey! Break it up!".
to fuck her you have
to roll her around in flour & look
for
the wet spot.
you have to grease the
doorframe and hold a twinkie on
the
other side just to get her through.
we in her right now.
we went to the drive-in
and got in for free,
cause
we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
From: UComics.com on February 4, 2004
At:
http://www.ucomics.com/boondocks/index.phtml
 |
I saw her in the frozen
food section w/a fishing rod.
I seen her putting make-up
on her head so I says
"What
you doin?" she says "Makin up my mind."
it takes her an hour
to cook minute rice.
it took her 2 hours to
watch 'Sixty Minutes'.
she asked her boss how
to spell UPS.
she called information
to get the number to 911.
she chases bones and
buries cars.
she cooked her own complimentary
breakfast.
she couldn't find eleven
when trying to dial 911.
she got fired from the
M & M factory for throwing
away
all the W's.
she got hit by a cup
and said she got mugged.
she got hit by a parked
car
she got locked in a supermarket
and starved to death.
she got stabbed at a
shoot-out.
she jumped out the window
and went up.
she rings Dan Quayle
for spelling tips.
she sits on the TV and
watches the couch.
she sold her car for
gas money.
she spent 4 weeks waiting
at the cinema to see
'Closed
for Winter'.
she thinks Johnny Cash
is a pay toilet!
she thinks manual labor
is a Mexican!
she thinks socialism
means partying!
she thought a beaver
dam was a type of tampon.
she thought a protractor
was a new type
of
farming machinery.
she thought Fleetwood
Mac was a new hamburger at MacDonalds.
she thought menopause
was a button on her tape deck.
she thought Taco Bell
was a Mexican telephone company.
she told everyone she
was illegitimate because
she
couldn't read.
she took a cup to see
Juice.
she took a ruler to bed
to see how long she slept.
she took a spoon to the
Superbowl.
she took an IQ test and
failed.
she tripped over the
cordless phone.
she watches the 'Three
Stooges' and takes notes.
she went to catch the
44 bus, but caught
the
22 twice instead.
she went to a Clippers
game to get a hair cut.
she went to a Whalers
game to see Shamu.
that when she went to
pick you up from the airport,
she
came across a sign saying 'Airport left'
so
she went home.
the bitch bought a glass
door with a peep-hole.
when she saw the NC-17
(under 17 not admitted)
she
went and got 16 of her friends.
when you stand next to
her you can hear the ocean.
when your dad said it
was chilly outside, she ran
outside
with a spoon.
when she was filling
in a form, where it said
"sign
here" she put "Sagittarius".
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Yo'
Mama's SO UGLY,.....
during Halloween she trick
or treats on the phone.
her face is closed on
weekends!
her mom had to be drunk
to breast feed her
her mom tie a steak around
her neck to get the dogs
to
play with her.
instead of putting the
bungee cord round her ankles
they
tie it round her neck.
people go as her for
Halloween.
she dated Jabba the Hut
and he was the looker.
she entered a dog show
and won.
she gets 364 extra days
to try out for Halloween.
she has to get her vibrator
drunk first.
she's like Taco Bell.
When people see her, they run
for
the border.
she'd make a train take
a dirt road!
she made an onion cry.
that as a little kid
playing in the sandbox cats
used
to bury her.
that if ugly were bricks
she'd have her own projects.
the tide wouldn't even
take her out.
they didn't give her
a costume when she tried out
for
Star Wars.
they filmed 'Gorillas
in the Mist' in her shower.
they know what time she
were born, because her face
stopped
the clock!
they moved Halloween
to her birthday.
they pay her to put her
clothes on in strip joints.
they push her face into
dough to make gorilla cookies.
that when I took her
to the zoo
the
man at the door said "Thanks for bringing her back".
when she entered an ugly
contest they said "Sorry,
no
professionals."
when she looked out the
window got arrested for mooning.
when she goes to a haunted
house she comes out with
a job
application.
when she walks down the
street in September, people say
"Damn,
is it Halloween already?"
when she walks into the
bank they turn the security
cameras
off.
when she was a baby,
her parents had a little yellow sign
in
their car window that read: THING ON BOARD.
when she was born, her
momma saw the afterbirth and
said
"Twins!".
when she was born her
mother said "Oh, what a treasure."
and
her father said "Yeah, lets go bury it."
when she was born the
doctor didn't know which end to slap.
when she was born the
Doctor looked at her ass
and
her face and said: "My God, Siamese twins!".
when she was born the
doctor slapped her mother.
when she was born they
had to put her in a corner
and
feed her with a slingshot.
when she was born they
had to tint the windows
on
the incubator.
when she went to the
beautician it took 11 hours
to
get a quote.
when she sunbathes on
the beach people try to push
her
back in.
your dad takes her to
work with him
so
she doesn't have to kiss him goodbye.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Yo'
mama's SO OLD,.....
she dreams in black and
white.
gets boyfriends by carbon
dating.
her birth certificate
says 'expired' on it.
her social security number
is 1.
I asked her to act her
age and the bitch dropped dead.
last time she saw 40
was 1840.
she has a picture of
Moses in her yearbook.
she owes Jesus a nickel.
she went to school in
a chariot.
the key on Ben Franklin's
kite was the key to her apartment
when God said "Let there
be light." She hit the switch.
when she was in school
there was no History class.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Yo'
mama's SO WRINKLED,.....
she has to screw her drawers on.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Yo'
mama's SO SHORT,.....
her feet don't reach the
floor.
she needs a ladder to
pick up a dime.
she poses for trophies.
she can play handball
on the curb.
she got to cuff her underwear.
you can see her feet
on her drivers license.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Yo'
mama's SO NASTY.....
she had to cut the string
off her tampon because
the
crabs kept bungee jumping.
she has to creep up on
bathwater.
she made right guard
turn left and Sure fail.
when I called her for
phone sex she gave me
an
ear infection.
when she goes to a hair
salon, she told the stylist
to
cut her hair and she opened up her shirt
when she goes to a hair
salon, she told the stylist
to
cut _her_ hair.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Yo'
mama's SO HAIRY.....
I seen the yeti taking
pictures of her.
she got afros on her
nipples.
she hasn't got a bikini
line she got a bikini book.
she told the stylist
to her hair and he opened
up
her shirt.
Your mama's armpits are so hairy
it looks like
she had Buckwheat
in a headlock.
You mama's legs so hairy, if
you gave her a fur coat
and a banana, they'd
put her back in the zoo.
"Yo mama's so hairy, her armpits
look like she has Don
King in a headlock."
-- Laura Bush at White House
Correspondents
annual dinner on April 31,2005. Which
is solid proof
that politics and humor don't mix. (S432b)
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Yo' mama's
SO POOR.....
I seen her kicking a can
down the street
so
I says "What you doin?" she says "Movin."
she can't afford to pay
attention.
she can't even afford
the or.
she went to McDonald's
and put a milkshake on layaway.
she wipes with both sides
of the toilet paper.
your family ate cereal
with a fork to save milk.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Yo'
mama's SO BALD.....
you can see whats on her
mind.
she took a shower and
got brainwashed.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Yo'
mama's SO HORNY.....
I could'a been your daddy,
but the dog beat me over
the
fence.
I could've been your
dad but the guy in line behind me
had
the right change.
she heard Santa say "Ho
Ho Ho" she thought
she
was getting called three times.
when asked on an application
"SEX?" she answered "Monday,
Wednesday,
Thursday, and sometimes Saturday too."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Yo'
mama's SO SLUTTY.....
the only difference between
your mom and a 747 is
that
not everyone has ridden on a 747.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Yo'
mama's GLASSES ARE SO THICK.....
when she looks at a map
she sees people waving.
she can see into the
future.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Yo'
mama's HOUSE IS SO .....
cheap I rung the doorbell
and she stuck her head out
the
window and said "Ding Dong!".
dirty the roaches ride
dune buggies.
dirty she has to wipe
her feet before going outside.
small the roaches got
hunchback.
small when she orders
a large pizza she has to go outside
to
eat it.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Yo'
mama's PUSSY IS SO.....
big we in it now.
deep Jacques Costeau
still aint hit bottom.
dry her crabs ride camels.
wet her crabs wear Scuba
gear.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Yo'
mama's LIKE.....
a birthday cake, everybody
gets a piece.
a bowling bowl, she's
picked up, fingered,
thrown
in the gutter and always comes back for more.
a doorknob, everybody
gets a turn.
a goalie: she changes
her pads after three periods.
a postage stamp, you
lick her, stick her, then send her away.
a railroad track: She
gets laid all over the country.
a refrigerator, everyone
puts her meat in her.
a shotgun... give her
a cock and she blows
a TV, even a two year
old can turn her on.
a vacuum cleaner, she
sucks, she blows, and she gets laid
in
the corner.
an ice cream cone...
everyone gets a lick
Denny's... open 24 hours
McDonalds... Billions
and Billions served
mustard, she spreads
easy.
the Bermuda Triangle,
little kids get lost when they try
to
go round her.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Other Yo Mama.....
Yo' mama's breasts are so square
the milk comes
out in cartons.
Yo' mama's breath is so bad
when she breathes
her teeth duck.
Yo' mama's feet are so big she
has to wear license plates
on her shoes.
Yo' mama's mouth is so big she
speaks in surround sound.
Yo' mama's teeth are so yellow
when she smiles cars slow down.
Yo' mama aint so bad, she give
you the hair off her back.
Yo' mama got one toe and one
knee, and people call her Toni.
Yo' mama had you out her ass
cause her pussy was too busy.
Yo' mama puts on knee pads and
yells "Curb service."
Yo' mama so dark she went to
night school and
was marked absent.
Yo' mama so greasy Texaco buy
oil from her.
Yo' mama so skinny she turned
sideways and disappeared.
Yo' mama so stinky even the
dogs won't sniff her crotch.
Yo' mama took ten tries to get
her drivers license,
she couldn't get
used to the front seat.
Your house is so nasty, even
the cockroaches wear slippers.
Top
IF.....
If bricks were ugly yo' mama would be a housing project.
Mike: Heard yo mama was busted
for drugs!
Melvin: Was not!
Mike: Oh yeah! The police told
her to bend over for a
search and they
found two hundred pounds of crack!!!
Submitted by: Jenny
Ringer
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Contributors.
Graeme Finlayson. - United Kingdom.
Jake Smith. - United Kingdom.
Yona Mankin. - United Kingdom.
Chandler Gegg. - United States.
Alan Valdez. - Belize.
Istvan Csiszar. - Finland.
Jobe Maker. - United States
/ Finland.
'White Men Can't Jump'.
'The Last Boy Scout'.
Ted Liu. - United States.
Tony Simmons. - Australia
Kelly's Bar Jokes
AJSwitzer - United States
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
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