Elderly1 Supp, 'old couples'
. (Includes 32 jokes and articles, 15 1056,19,cif,vXT4a5a,14)
Elderly dancing from
Subj: Pickles Comic Strip (S669)
By Brian Crane on 11/2/2009
Retired Guy Vaccuums For Wife (S1056d)
From: AFine963 on 4/14/2017
So he did. Click
to see Jim vaccuum.
Boo - 2012 Tropfest Finalist (S880d)
From: Tropfest on 11/14/2013
Ma and Pa have been married forever
and they keep the magic
alive by staying one step ahead of each other but how many
steps are too many? Click 'HERE' to see this award winning
Subj: Elderly Couple At Gas Station (S251)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #191
and From: dogbyte on 11/21/2001
An elderly retired couple were
driving down the East coast,
when they stopped in Georgia for a fuel stop. The elderly
woman was very hard of hearing, and usually asked her
husband to repeat everything.
An elderly station attendant
came to the car and started
filling the fuel tank. Making idle talk, he asked if the
man liked the weather, to which the man replied, "Very much."
"What'd he say?", asked the woman.
"He asked if I like the
weather, and I told him yes.", replied her husband.
"Where are you all headed?" asked
the attendant. "Oh, we're
going to Jacksonville." he replied.
"What'd he say?" asked the woman.
"He asked where we're
going, and I told him to Jacksonville." the husband replied.
"Where are you-all from?" inquired
the attendant a few
moments later. "Oh, we're from Maine," the man replied.
"Ah, I was in Maine for two years
while I was in the Air
Force." replied the attendant. "In fact, I dated a girl
from Maine while I was there. It didn't last long though.
I have to tell you, this girl was the worst in bed of any
girl I ever knew."
"What'd he say?" inquired the woman.
"He said he thinks he knows you." replied her husband.
Lays Potato Chip Commercial (S608d)
From: ginafm on 9/1/2008 (in Food_Etc-Supp)
..........At: (Removed from youtube.com)
This short commercial about Lays
potato chips and false teeth
is quite cute. Click 'HERE' to see this 2004 US commercial
Subj: How To Handle A Husband (S563)
From: redcatt on 11/7/2007
A couple was celebrating their
golden wedding anniversary
on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic
tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People
would say, "What a peaceful and loving couple". The local
newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their
long and happy marriage.
The Husband replied: "Well, it
dates back to our honeymoon
in America," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon,
in Arizona , and took a trip, down to the bottom of the
canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse
stumbled and she almost fell off.
My wife looked down at the horse
and quietly said, "That's
once." "We proceeded a little further and horse stumbled
again. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice." "We
hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the
third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her
purse and shot the horse dead.
*I SHOUTED* at her, "What's wrong
with you, Woman! Why did
you shoot the poor animal like that! Are you crazy?"
She looked at ME, and quietly said, "That's once."
"And from that moment.....we have lived happily every after."
The Wishing Well (S605b, S776d)
From: darrellvip on 8/7/2008
and From: tom on 11/26/2011
In this short Benny Hill skit,
Benny finds a wishing well
that really works. You can view this cute video clip by
Subj: Couples 50th Anniversary (S609b)
From: CKButch4Femme on 9/11/2008
There was this couple who had
been married for 50 years. They
were sitting at the breakfast table that morning when the old
gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been
married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Fifty years
ago this very day, we were
sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"Hmmm," the old man said, "We
were probably sitting here naked
as jaybirds fifty years ago this morning."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What
do you say...should we?" Where-
upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little
old lady breathlessly replied,
"My nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied
Gramps. "One's in your
coffee and the other one's in you oatmeal!"
Baby Boomers Gone Wild (S577b,d)
Made by: Walt Handelsman
From: aldavito on 1/29/2008
This SWF, cartoon video takes
the song "Born to be Wild"
and rewrites it for the baby boomers in retirement. Click
'HERE' to see this silly, animated cartoon.
Subj: 50th Anniversary w/Cheap, Late Kids (S322)
From: JBCARY1 on 6/2/2003
Goldberg and his wife were about
to celebrate 50 years
together. The 3 kids were all very successful careerists,
but not as attentive as the parents would like. They
agreed to a family dinner at the old folks home. Of course,
they were late, and had their excuses.
"Happy anniversary, dad, gushed
no 1 son. I'm sorry I am
running late. Had an emergency at the hospital, you know
how it is. I didn't have time to stop and get a present.
Not to worry said the old man.
The important thing is we
Son #2 cam rushing in, "Pops,
you looking good. And MOM
you're still beautiful, love. I just got in from L.A. and
didn't have time to get a gift. I'm so sorry.
Its nothing, said Goldberg, we're
together, thats the main
Daughter: Mom, Dad, the firm
is sending me to Europe for a
conference. I gotta run as soon as din din is over. I
didn't have time for a shopping trip.
Goldberg sighed, I don't care, we just like being together.
Halfway through the meal, Goldberg,
in a reflective mood
said, "listen you 3, some things been on my mind and I
want to tell you about it. Your Momma and I came to the
country during the war, penniless, desperate and in the
struggle to survive. I'm afraid we never got around to
getting married. We just knew we loved each other, and
after a few years, it didn't seem so important, so.."
The 3 offspring with a collective
gasp, said, "Dad! you
mean..you mean to say...we're BASTARDS?"
"YEAH, AND CHEAP ONES TOO," retorted the old man.
Pickles Sunday Comic Strip II (S679)
By Brian Crane on 1/17/2010
Click 'HERE' to see this cute Sunday comic strip.
Subj: Rancher's 50th Anniversary (S291b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 8/28/2002
While enjoying an Early morning
breakfast in a northern
Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything
from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in
the "good old days."
Eventually the conversation moved
on to their spouses.
One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked,
"Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding
anniversary soon?" "Yup, we sure are," Roy replied. "Well, are
you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked.
The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied,
"For our 25th anniversary, I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our
50th, I'll go down there and get her."
Subj: Ballard Street Cartoon (S631b)
by Jerry Van Amerongen on 2/07/2009
Subj: Hillbilly's 60 Anniversary (S320b)
From: cohen#il on 98-02-05
and From: lljknt on 3/20/2003
There is an old hillbilly couple
a sittin' on their porch,
just a rockin'. It's their anniversary, and they've been
married 60 years. There're just a sittin' and a rockin'.
Suddenly, the old lady looks
over at the old man and hits
him so hard she knocks him clean out of his rocker, and he
falls on the porch. He pulls himself up and clambers back
into the rocker and asks, "What the heck was THAT for?!"
"That's for 60 years of lousy sex!" she replies.
So they sit there for a time
longer, not sayin' anything,
just a rockin', and suddenly the old man looks over at his
old wife, and gives her a shove so hard it knocks her right
out of her rocker. She shakes herself off, and scrambles
into her rocker again, and says, " What the heck was THAT
"That's for knowin' the difference!"
Senior Prenuptial Agreement - GIF
From: rfslick on 8/8/2008
and From: tom on 1/31/2013 (S605, S839)
You can view this cute animated GIF by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: 75th Wedding Anniversary (S668)
From: humorlist-digest V1 #280 on 97-12-28
A very elderly couple is having
an elegant dinner to celebrate
their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and
says softly to his wife "Dear, there is something that I must
ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never
quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to
assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful
experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer can not
take that all that away. But,.. I must know, did he have a
The wife drops her head, unable
to look her husband in the eye,
she paused for moment and then confessed. "Yes. Yes he did."
The old man is very shaken, the
reality of what his wife was
admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in
his eye he asks "Who?.. Who was he? Who was the father?"
Again the old woman drops her
head, saying nothing at first as
she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
Then, finally, she says "You."
"Close Your Eyes" - PPS (S592)
From: rfslick on 5/25/2008
This PowerPoint Show 'Down Memory
Lane' is wonderful. It
flashed text at you while playing the songs "Close Your Eyes,"
and "In the Still of the Night." Click 'HERE' to play it.
Subj: Wife Stays With Husband Through Bad Times
..........From: Max's Humor Archive on 07/15/97
An 80 year old man was lying
in bed dying. The doctor said
he had minutes to live. His first and only wife was by his
bedside to hear his last words:
"Honey, do you remember how when
we got married, I was a
cheerful, handsome, wealthy man? But soon after we were
married, I lost all my money on bad investments. Never-
theless, you stayed with me the whole time.
Then my first business went bankrupt,
and we lost every-
thing we had. You didn't leave me. You were right by my
side the whole time.
And now I've had a long sickness,
which has used up all
our savings. I'm a wrinkled, grouchy, old, poverty-
stricken, dying man. You're still by my side!
So with my dying breath, I just
want to say three little
words to you: YOU'RE BAD LUCK!
Subj: Flight Deck (S670)
by Peter Waldner on 11/13/2009
Subj: Ma And Pa Weber
Ma and Pa are sittin' on their
rockin chairs out on the front
porch. Pa suddenly honks Ma's breasts and says, "If these
things could still give milk, we wouldn't need them cows."
Well, Ma is furious, but then again, Pa is gettin' older and
his mind is startin' to go, so she gives him a dirty look,
and continues her sewin'. A couple of minutes later, Pa
touches her privates and says, "You know Ma, if this thing
could still lay eggs, we wouldn't need them hens." Ma's
veins are poppin' out of her neck by now and she grabs Pa's
noodle and says, "Pa, if this thing still worked we wouldn't
need your brother George!"
Herman Cartoon (S671)
..........By Jim Unger on 11/18/2009
Click 'HERE' to see this cute cartoon.
Subj: 83 Year Old Lady Has Physical (S308)
From: LABLaughs.com on 12/25/2002
An eighty-three year old lady
finished her annual physical
examination whereupon the doctor said "You are in fine shape
for your age....But tell me...Do you still have
"Just a minute .. I'll have to
ask my husband," she said.
She went out to the reception room and said: "Jake do we
still have intercourse?"
Jake answered impatiently........"If
I told you once I told
you a thousand times..." We have blue cross"!!
Pickles Sunday Comic Strip III (S714)
By Brian Crane on 9/19/2010
Click 'HERE' to see this cute Sunday comic strip.
Subj: Elderly Couple Has Sex In Front Of Doctor (S99, S373b)
From: JOELFALLON on 98-12-16
and From: Grampsboyd on 3/20/2004
A couple, both age 67 went to
a sex therapists office.
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch
us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the
doctor said, "There's nothing
wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them
$50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple
would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems,
pay the doctor, and then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "Just
exactly what are you trying
to find out?"
The old man said, "We're not
trying to find out anything.
She's married and we can't go to her house: I'm married
and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98.
The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get
$43 back from Medicare.
Pickles Comic Strip IV (S719)
By Brian Crane on 10/25/2010
to see this three cute comic strips about
learning to deal with constant change.
Subj: Florida Couple Goes Out For Dinner (S304)
From: pns on 11/26/2002
A retired couple from New York
City, Abie and Zelda now
living in Boca Raton, Florida, were getting ready to go
out to dinner. Zelda came out of the bedroom and said
Abie, "Darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel
suit or the Gucci one?"
"Do I care?" he replied.
A few minutes later Zelda, again,
came out of the bedroom
and said to her husband, "Abie, shall I wear my Cartier
watch or my Rolex?"
"Who cares?" said Abie.
A few more minutes passed and,
again, Zelda came out of
the bedroom and said to her husband, "Abie darling, shall
I wear my five carat pear diamond ring or my six carat
round diamond ring with the baguettes?"
To which Abie responded, "Hey,
I really don't care, but
if you don't get your ass in gear, we're going to miss
the earlybird special.
Herman Sunday Comic Strip (S737)
By Jim Unger (in Waiter-Waitress)
From: WashingtonPost.com on 2/13/2011
to see this cute Sunday comic strip about
celebrating your 35th anniversary.
Subj: Elderly Couple Wants A Divorce (S296)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 4/22/99
Sam and Molly went for a divorce.
The judge looked down at
them. "How old are you?" he asked.
"Ninety-six," replied Sam, "and I'm in the pink, the pink!"
"Ninety-two," said Molly, "and I feel like sixty, judge!"
"And you want a divorce?" asked the judge.
"Yep, that's it, a divorce!" chirped Sam.
"A complete divorce," echoed
Molly, wiping the air clean
with her hand.
"Complete. I never liked her. Never." said Sam.
"He made me nervous from the
beginning," Molly said,
"from the first day, I couldn't watch him eat those
"How long are you married?" asked
the judge, more and
"Seventy-two years!" they said in unison.
"Seventy-two?" The judge
took a deep breath.
"But why did you wait so long?"
They looked at him like he was
crazy, and Sam said,
"We wanted to wait until the children died."
Pickles Sunday Comic Strip V (S725)
By Brian Crane on 12/5/2010
to see this cute Sunday comic strip about
TV remote controls.
Subj: Elderly Couple Plan To Get Married (S276, S826)
From: pns on 5/13/2002
and From: tom on 11/6/2012
A aged couple (mid to late 60"s)
decide to get married
after losing their respective spouses to death, and
then move to Florida. They talked through sharing
household expenses and other miscellaneous things.
They were both relatively well off with each one
having a retirement income.
Jane asks Harold what they should
do about their own
houses. "Well, we ought to each sell our homes and
then we can each put half the purchase price into our
Harold then asks Jane what she'd
like to do about the
grocery bills and she says "Neither one of us eats
very much, so maybe we ought to split that bill on a
monthly basis." to which she agrees. What about the
utility bill? Same sharing response.
Jane asks Harold what he wants
to do about the sex
thing, and he replies "Oh, infrequently". Jane sat
quietly for a moment. Then, looking over her glasses,
she looked Harold in the eye and casually asking, "Was
that one word or two?"
Drawing And Quote From Richard Bach (S797)
in The Bridge Across Forever: A True Love Story
From: Stacy Switzer on Facebook on 4/28/2012.
to see this wonderful drawing and great quote
from Richard Bach in his book
The Bridge Across Forever: A True Love Story.
Subj: Very Elderly Couple Plan To Get Married (S292, S631b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/3/2002
and From: tom on 2/9/2009
George, age 92, and Edith, age
89, had been seeing each
other for 2 years when they decided that life was too
short and they might as well be together for the rest of
Excited about their decision
to become newlyweds, they
went for a stroll to discuss the wedding and what plans
need to be made. Along the way, they found themselves
in front of a drugstore. George said to his bride-to-be,
"Let's go in. I have an idea."
They walked to the rear of the
store and addressed the
man behind the counter: "Are you the owner? " asked George.
The pharmacist answered, "Yes, sir. How can I help you?"
George: "Do you sell heart medications?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
George: "How about support hose for circulation?"
George: "What about
medications for rheumatism,
osteoporosis, and arthritis?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
George: "How about waterproof furniture pads and Depends?"
Pharmacist: "Yes sir."
aids, denture supplies
and reading glasses?"
George: "What about
eye drops, sleeping pills, Geritol,
Preparation- H and ExLax?"
George: "You sell wheelchairs, walkers and canes?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds
and sizes. May I ask...why
all these questions?"
George smiled, glanced shyly
at Edith and replied to
the pharmacist, "we've decided to get married, and
we'd like to use your store as our Bridal Registry!"
Subj: Pickles Comic Strip VI (S742)
By Brian Crane on 4/2/2011
Three Pickles Comic Strips VII (S850)
By Brian Crane on 5/3/2012
In these three comic strips,
Opal and Earl discuss who
will die first. Grandson, Nelson and their dog Roscoe
add their opinions. Click 'HERE' to read these cute
...........................From jtgalvan on 3/7/07