Subj:     Marriage Supp Jokes
                 (Includes 27 jokes and articles, 24 1089n,11,cf,wXT4a5a,7)

Man and Woman symbols
Animated Gifs Maniac
Includes the following:  Herman Cartoon (S791)
.........................Loving Messages To Husbands (S888)
.........................The Sensuous Wife (S883)
.........................Couple Christmas Shops At The Mall (S824)
.........................A Wife Comes Home (S818)
.........................Milton Singing "The Man Song" - Video (S696)
.........................Power Outage (S1050)
.........................The Lie Detector Robot (S793)
.........................Parents Go Out For The Evening (S718)
.........................Ann Telnaes Cartoons - Video (S678b)
.........................After 20 Years Of Marriage (S672b)
.........................A Man And A Woman Asleep (S634c)
.........................The Cheating Wife - Video (S762)
.........................Couple Discuss Sex As A Typewriter (S177, S490b)
.........................Husband Gives Hitchhiker A Ride (S277b, S460b)
.........................Nine Pearls Of Wisdom On Marriage (S713)
.........................Businessman Leaves Letter For His Wife (S40, S455b)
                         Short Marriage Jokes
..............................Pickles Comic Strip (S769)
..............................Sensitive Husband (S772)
..............................Secrets To A Long, Happy Marriage (S763)
..............................Close To Home - Cartoon (S716)
..............................How Many Women Have You Slept With? (S699b)
..............................Heart-To-Heart Talk (S707b)
..............................Maxine On Marriage (S689)
..............................Flo And Friends Comic Strip (S636b)
..............................Marriage Is Like A Job (S648b)
..............................Bizarro Cartoon (S878)

Subj:     Herman Cartoon (S791)
          By Jim Unger on 3/9/2012
Source: http://www.gocomics.com/herman/2012/03/09
Subj:     Loving Messages To Husbands (S888)
          From: tom on 1/5/2014

 A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a
 loving relationship with your husband.  The women were
 asked, "How many of you love your husband?"  All the
 women raised their hands. 

 Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told
 your husband you loved him?"  Some women answered today,
 a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember. 

 The women were then told to take out their cell phones
 and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart." 

 The women were then told to exchange phones with another
 person, and to read aloud the text message they received,
 in response.

 Here are some of the replies: 

 1. Who the hell is this? 
 2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what? 
 3. Yeh, and I love you too. What's up with you?? 
 4. What now? Did you crash the car again? 
 5. I don't understand what you mean? 
 6. What the f**k did you do now? 
 7. ?!? 
 8. Don't beat around the bush; just tell me how much you need? 
 9. Am I dreaming? 
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for,
    someone will die. 
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day. 
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?

Subj:     The Sensuous Wife (S883)
          From: tom on 12/5/2013

 With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband,
 "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?" 

 "No,"   said her husband.

 She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or
 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the
 cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled
 out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.

 He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled

 She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all
 crumpled up?"

 "Uh...no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his

 She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt,
 and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties...
 and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.

 He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill, and started breathing
 a little quicker with anticipation.

 "Now," she said, "have you ever seen $50,000 Dollars all
 crumpled up?"

 "No way!" he said, while obviously becoming even more aroused
 and excited.

 "Well, go look in the garage," she said.

Subj:     Couple Christmas Shops At The Mall (S824)
          From: jcary on 10/24/2012

 A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve
 and the mall was packed.  As the wife walked through the
 mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was
 nowhere around.  She was quite upset because they had a lot
 to do.  Because she was so worried, she called him on her
 mobile phone to ask him where he was

 In a calm voice, the husband said, "Honey, you remember the
 jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell
 in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford
 and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"

 The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I
 remember that jewelry store."

 He said, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."

Subj:     A Wife Comes Home (S818)
          From: tom on 7/31/2012

 A wife comes home late at night early from being out of
 town and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.  From
 under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.
 She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the
 blanket as hard as she can.

 Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
 As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a

 "Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit
 us, so l let them stay in our room.  Did you say 'hello'?"

Subj:     Milton Singing "The Man Song" (S696d)
          By Sean Morey on 5/18/2010
          From Rosie Switzer on Facebook
 Source1: https://www.youtube.com/embed/t7Y0I91rubg
 Source2: https://www.youtube.com/embed/vcPMKD8GFkI

 Milton singing "The Man Song".  Milton is one of the
 characters from "The Milt Show". Song by Sean Morey.
 Click 'HERE' to hear this offensive, dumb, funny song.

Subj:     Power Outage (S1050)
          From: AFine963 on 2/12/2017
 Source: https://www.dpreview.com/forums/thread/4089114

 We had a power cut at our house this morning and my PC,
 laptop, TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music
 system were all shut down.

 Then I discovered that my mobile phone battery was flat
 and to top it off it was raining outside, so I couldn't
 play golf.

 I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I
 remembered that this also needs power, so I just sat
 and talked with my wife for a few hours.

 She seems like a nice person.

Subj:     The Lie Detector Robot (S793)
          From: rfslick on 3/17/2012
 Source: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/80747529/
 (Warning, the source site may contain malware)

 John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of
 unusual gimmick.  His wife Marsha had long ago given up
 trying to get him to change.  One day John came home with
 another one of his unusual purchases.  It was a robot that
 John claimed was actually a lie detector.  It was about
 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son,
 returned home from school.  Tommy was over 2 hours late.
 "Where have you been?  Why are you over 2 hours late
 getting home?" asked John.

 "Several of us went to the library to work on an extra
 credit project," said Tommy.  The robot then walked around
 the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out
 of his chair.

 "Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector.  Now tell
 us where you really were after school."

 "We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said

 "What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

 "The Ten Commandments," answered Tommy.  The robot went
 around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him
 off his chair once more.  With his lip quivering, Tommy
 got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied.  We really
 watched a tape called Sex Queen."

 "I am ashamed of you son," said John.  "When I was your
 age, I never lied to my parents."  The robot then walked
 around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked
 him out of his chair.

 Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said,
 "Boy, did you ever ask for that one!  You can't be too mad
 with Tommy.  After all, he is your son!"  With that the
 robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her
 out of her chair.

Subj:     Parents Go Out For The Evening (S718)
          From: ezines@arcamax.com on 10/4/2010

 My parents had not been out together in quite some time.
 One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my
 father stepped up behind her.  "Would you like to go out,
 girl?" he asked.

 Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh,
 yes, I'd love to!"  They had a wonderful evening, and it
 wasn't until the end of it that Dad confessed.

 His question had actually been directed to the family dog,
 lying near Mom's feet on the kitchen floor.

Subj:     Ann Telnaes Cartoons (S678b,d)
          From: WashingtonPost.com
          on 1/13/2010
 Source: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/opinions/

 Click 'HERE' to see this animated, political cartoon.
 This SWF discusses "The Sanctity of Marriage, A Look
 Back in Western Civilization."

Subj:     After 20 Years Of Marriage (S672b, S1034)
          From: Melissa Weers on 11/23/2009

 (Also see 'Foreplay After Marriage' in Marriage6)

 After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one
 evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle
 her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.  It almost
 tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then
 began moving down past the small of her back.  He then
 caressed her shoulders and neck slowly worked his hand
 down over her breasts stopping just over her lower stomach.

 He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm,
 caressed past the side of her breast again, working down
 her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg
 to her calf.  Then he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping
 just at the uppermost portion of her leg.  He continued in
 the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped,
 rolled over and started to watch the TV.

 As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she
 asked in a loving voice, "That was wonderful. Why did you

 He said,"I found the remote".

Subj:     A Man And A Woman Asleep (S634c)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/17/2009

 A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
 Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came
 from outside.

 The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled
 at the man; 'Holy crap.  That must be my husband!'  So
 the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped
 out the window.  He smashed himself on the ground, ran
 through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could
 go.  A few minutes later he returned and went up to the
 bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
 The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
 And then the fight started.....

Subj:     The Cheating Wife (S762d)
          From: Wimp.com on 8/22/2011
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/eCfULQUx1V8

 Click 'HERE' for my copy, to see this silly, cute video.

Subj:     Couple Discuss Sex As A Typewriter (S177, S490b)
          From: ipkis on 97-07-18
      and From: redcattt on 6/10/2006

 Mark and Sharon decide they don't want to discuss sex in front
 of their 4 and 6 year old children, so they decide to talk in
 code.  To indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting
 their children in on it, they decided on the word "typewriter."

 One day Mark is feeling a little bit turned on and says to Katie,
 "Tell your mother I would really like to type a letter."

 Katie runs off to find her mom. " Mommy, mommy", shouts Katie,
 "Daddy would like to type a letter."

 Sharon replies slightly sheepishly, "Katie, go and tell your
 daddy that he can't type a letter today as there is a red ribbon
 in the typewriter."

 Katie tears off to her father and says, "Daddy, daddy, mommy says
 you can't type a letter today as there is a red ribbon in the

 A few days later Sharon remembers that Mark was a little bit keen
 on a bit of nookie and she called Katie, "Katie, tell your daddy
 that he can type that letter today."

 Katie went off to look for her father and told him, "Daddy, mommy
 says you can type the letter today."

 "Thats OK, Katie", Mark says, "You can tell your mother that I
 don't need the typewriter any more, I wrote the letter by hand."

Subj:     Husband Gives Hitchhiker A Ride (S277b, S460b)
          From: ipkis on 97-07-18
      and From: darrell94590 on 11/14/2005

 A wife arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified
 to find her husband in bed with a young lovely thing. Just
 as she was about to storm out of the house her husband
 stopped her with these words, "Before you leave, I want
 you to hear how all this came about.

 Driving along the highway, I saw this young girl looking
 tired and bedraggled, so I offered her a lift.  She was
 hungry, so I brought her home and made a meal from the
 roast you had forgotten in the refrigerator.  "She had
 only some worn sandals, so I gave her a pair of good
 shoes you discarded because they were out of style.

 "She was cold, so I gave her the sweater I bought you
 for your birthday - the one you never wore because the
 colors didn't suit you.  "Her slacks were worn out, so
 I gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good, but
 too small for you now.

 "Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused
 and asked, 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn't
 use anymore??'  So here we are!!!"

Subj:     Nine Pearls Of Wisdom On Marriage (S713)
          From: ezines@arcamax.com on 9/14/2010

 Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg,
 depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.

 Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so
 busy earnin' his salt, that he forgets his sugar.

 Too many couples marry for better, or for worse,
 but not for good.

 When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the
 trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

 If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like
 a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.

 On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past,
 but never the present.

 A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick
 to the washin', ironin', cookin', and scrubbin'.
 No wife of mine is gonna work."

 The bonds of matrimony are a good investment, only when
 the interest is kept up.

 Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook,
 sew, and make beds, and is in good health, and he's already
 used to taking orders.

Subj:     Businessman Leaves Letter For His Wife (S40, S455b)
          From: auntiegah on 10/5/2005

 (See 'Divorce Letters' in LETTERS1)

 A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and
 left it on the dining room table:

 "To My Dear Wife.  You will surely understand that I have
 certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer
 satisfy.  I am very happy with you and I value you as a
 good wife.  Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope
 that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will
 be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at
 the Comfort Inn Hotel.  Please don't be upset - I shall be
 home before midnight."

 When the man came home late that night, he found  the
 following letter on the dining room table:

 "My Dear Husband. I received your letter and thank you
 for your honesty.  About my being 54 years old. I would
 like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are
 also 54 years old.  As you know, I am a math teacher at
 our local college.  I would like to inform you that while
 you read this, I will be at the Marriot Hotel with Michael,
 one of my students.  He is young, virile, and like your
 secretary, is 18 years old.

 As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge
 of math, you will understand that although it may appear
 that we are in the same situation, there is one mathematical

 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

 Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow."

Subj:     Short Marriage Jokes

Subj:     Pickles Comic Strip (S769)
          By Brian Crane on 10/7/2011
 At: http://www.gocomics.com/pickles/2011/10/07
 Click 'HERE' to see this cute comic strip about
 kissing your wife less after years of marriage.

Subj:     Sensitive Husband (S772)
          From: allenbergman on 11/2/2011
 This guy is sitting at home alone when he hears a
 knock on the front door.  There are two sheriff's
 deputies there.  He asks if there is a problem. One
 of the deputies asks if he is married, and if so,
 can he see a picture of his wife.

 The guy says "sure" and shows him a picture of his wife.

 The deputy says, "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like
 your wife's been hit by a truck."

 The guy says, "I know, but she has a great personality
 and is an excellent cook."

Subj:     Secrets To A Long, Happy Marriage (S763) 
          From: virv on 8/24/2011
Drawing from RedBubble.net
 Source: http://www.shitmydadsends.com/secrets-to-a-long-happy-marriage/
 Click 'HERE' to learn the secret to a long, happy marriage.

Subj:     Close To Home (S716)
          By John McPherson on 10/7/2010
 At: http://www.gocomics.com/closetohome/2010/10/07
Drawing from Universal Uclick
 Close to Home is a daily, one-panel comic strip by John McPherson.
 The comic strip features no ongoing plot, but is instead a collection
 of one-shot jokes covering a number of subjects that are "close to
 home," such as marriage, children, school, work, sports, health and
 home life.  Click 'HERE' to see this relevant cartoon.

From: allenbergman on 6/2/2010 (S699b)

Wife asks husband,
"How many women have you slept with?"
Husband proudly replies, 
"Only you, Darling -
With all the others, I was awake."

Subj:     Heart-To-Heart Talk (S707b)
          From: ArcaMax.com on 8/21/2010
 My wife doesn't complain often, but once she was having
 a old-fashioned "heart-to-heart" with me and said, "Hon,
 you never listen to me.  Every time I try to talk to you,
 you get this far-away look in your eyes after only a few
 seconds.  Please promise me you'll try to work on that."

 The last thing I remember was replying, "I'm sorry, what
 was that you were saying?"

Subj:     Maxine On Marriage (S689)
          From: darrellvip on 3/30/2010

Subj:     Flo And Friends Comic Strip (S636b)
          By Jenny Campbell on 3/11/2009
 At: http://www.gocomics.com/floandfriends/2009/03/11
 This comic strip discusses the secret to a long and
 happy marriage.  Click 'HERE' to read it.

Subj:     Marriage Is Like A Job (S648b)
          From: Anonymous Jr. on 6/6/2008
 Marriage is a lot like a job but there are some differences:
    you check in but you can never check out
    your boss is always the same
    there are no days off
    there is no workmen's comp
    there are no retirement benefits
    there are no sick days
    there are no vacations
    there are no pay raises
    you can get a new boss....... but it really costs you

Subj:     Bizarro Cartoon (S878)
          By Dan Piraro on 11/5/2013
Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/november-5-2013/
                           -(o o)-
..............................From tom on 1/1/08.