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Subj: Nerd Jokes (Includes 10 jokes and articles, 05 1077n,4,cif,wXT5a,3) |
![]() |
![]() Calvin from Animated Cliparts |
Also see BLACK1 file - 'Clip
from Family Matters' - Video
PROGRAMMER - 'Quiz-Programmer
Or Serial Killer'
STARTREK1 - 'Star
Wars Premier In New York City'
TESTNERD1 - (see
whole file)
TESTNERD2 - (see
whole file)
.........WORD_JOKS-SUP-
'Pearls
Before Swine'
=============================================================Top
Subj: Nerd
Rule #1 (S531c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 3/21/2007
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
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Top
Subj:
Weird Al - White And Nerdy (S510b,d)
From: eBaum's World on 10/31/2006 At: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9qYF9DZPdw |
![]() |
Picture from
Google Video |
(See 'Smells
like Nirvana' in Music-Supp
and 'Weird
Al Yankovic's I'm Fat' in Fat
and 'Amish
Paradise' in Amish)
"White and Nerdy" is the second
single from "Weird Al"
Yankovic's album Straight Outta
Lynwood, which was released
on September 26, 2006.
It parodies the song "Ridin'" by
Chamillionaire and Krayzie Bone.
The song both laments and
revels in nerdiness, as recited
by the subject who can't
"roll with the gangstas" because
he is "just too white and
nerdy", and includes constant
references to stereotypically
nerdy things, such as editing
Wikipedia and playing Dungeons
and Dragons.
You can see Al Yankovick's "White and Nerdy" by clicking 'HERE'.
![]() |
Subj:
White And Nerdy - Quiz (S510b)
From: TreeSong.org on 11/1/2006 ..........Source: (Removed from treesong.org) |
This nerd quiz was written to
celebrate the "White and Nerdy"
gangster rap video. You
can test your nerdiness by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj:
Weird Al - Behind The Scenes
Of "White And Nerdy" (S522b,d) From: LABLaughsClean on 1/18/2007 |
![]() |
Picture from
ThatVideoSite.com |
This interview with Al Yankovic
about the making of 'White And
Nerdy' is excellent. You
can view it by clicking 'HERE'.
Top
Subj: You
Might Be A Nerd If.... (DU)
by Charles W. Plemons III
From: Ossama's Laugh on 5/23/98
1. Your web page is more popular
than you.
2. Your favorite sport is Tetris.
3. You know what fuzzy logic
is.
4. You talk to your computer.
5. When given a choice, you
look at Computer Shopper
instead of
Playboy.
6. You argue with your computer.
7. Your computer has its own
phone line.
8. You have dreams involving
your computer.
9. You try to pick up women
on chat lines.
10. You can talk to a woman
about your hardware
and not mean
anything sexual.
11. You spend Friday nights
with your computer.
12. You ask a woman for her
email address instead
of her phone
number.
13. You've never actually met
many of your friends.
14. You remember how to use
DOS.
15. You think Bill Gates is
"a cool guy."
16. Only computer users can
understand you.
17. Your home page is longer
than your resume.
18. You've ever installed Linux.
19. You've missed the X-Files
because you wanted
to play on
your computer.
20. You always understand Dilbert.
21. You regularly drink Jolt
cola.
22. You spend more time on the
Internet than you do sleeping.
23. You have multiple email
addresses.
24. You've ever setup a LAN
in your house.
25. You understood the above
statement.
26. You search the Internet
for computer humor.
27. Your idea of hurrying is
typing faster.
28. You keep spare mouse pads.
29. You buy your computer gifts.
30. You've ever been dumped
for paying too much
attention
to your computer.
31. Someone mentions foreign
language and you think "Cobol".
32. You regularly use a tape
backup on files you
have the
original disks.
33. You get a new computer,
take it out of the box,
and you immediately
remove the case.
34. You have ever called home
to check on your computer.
35. You do processes in DOS
instead of Windows not because
it is faster,
but because it just confuses people.
36. You've ever considered getting
a tattoo
of the "Intel
Inside" logo.
37. You have a pet name for
your computer, but
not one for
your penis.
38. You know every law about
computer piracy by heart,
because you've
been convicted on all of them.
39. You no longer interact with
your family,
you send
them email instead; in the same house.
40. You check your email before
you check your
answering
machine.
41. You can program the next
best thing to Windows,
but you still
can't get your VCR to stop flashing.
42. You have more insurance
on your computer than
on your children.
43. You receive more chat requests
than phone calls.
44. You stopped paying for call
waiting because
it kept knocking
you off-line.
45. You don't immediately go
into gibbering panic
when you
hear of a new computer virus.
46. You've ever emailed your
assignment in
to your professor.
47. You've ever tried to see
how far you can
move the
mouse without turning off the screen saver.
48. You have dialed 911 and
faxed them your problem.
49. You call in sick to work
over your computer.
50. Your first aid kit contains
Norton's Anti-Virus.
51. You know what the acronyms
HTML, URL, ISP, and
HTTP each
stand for.
52. You tinker with computers
at work all day, and
when you
finally get off work, you rush home to
tinker with
your computer.
53. You dedicate your home page
to your favorite actress
in hopes
that she will see it and desire to meet you.
54. You have more than one home
page.
55. The closest you ever come
to having sex
is downloading
nude pictures off of the Internet.
56. You have a better computer
system at home than at work.
57. You get jealous when other
people use your computer.
58. You run back into your burning
home to rescue
your computer,
but you leave the dog.
59. You know exactly how much
hard drive space you
have free,
but you don't know your spouse's birthday.
60. You run Windows 95 and Windows
NT just because you can.
61. You have the high score
on Jezz Ball.
62. You know what word 31337
stands for.
63. You keep spare computer
parts around the house.
Top
Subj: Nerd
Letters From Camp (DU)
From: Don Hatch on 97-04-08
(See 'Letter From Camp' in LETTERS2)
The following appeared in a computer
magazine
in Mr. Dvorak's column:
Dear Mr. Dvorak:
Ann Landers wouldn't print this.
I have nowhere else to
turn. I have to get the
word out. Warn other parents. I
must be rambling on. Let
me try and explain. It's about
my son, Billy. He's always
been a good, normal ten year
old boy. Well, last
spring we sat down after dinner to
select a summer camp for Billy.
We sorted through the camp
brochures.
There were the usual camps with
swimming, canoeing, games,
singing by the campfire -- you
know.
There were sports camps and specialty
camps for weight
reduction, music, military camps
and camps that specialized
in Tibetan knot tying.
I tried to talk him into Camp
Winnepoopoo. It's where
he went last year. (He made an
adorable picture out of painted
pinto beans and macaroni).
Billy would have none of it.
Billy pulled a brochure out
of his pocket. It was
for a COMPUTER CAMP! We should have
put our foot down right there,
if only we had known. He
left three weeks ago.
I don't know what's happened. He's
changed. I can't explain
it. See for yourself. These are
some of my little Billy's letters.
Dear Mom,
The kids are dorky nerds.
The food stinks. The computers
are the only good part.
We're learning how to program.
Late at night is the best time
to program, so they let us
stay up.
Love, Billy.
Dear Mom,
Camp is O.K. Last night
we had pizza in the middle of the
night. We all get to choose
what we want to drink. I
drink Classic Coke. By
the way, can you make Szechuan
food? I'm getting used
to it now. Gotta go, it's time
for the flowchart class.
Love, Billy.
P.S. This is written on a wordprocessor.
Pretty swell,
huh? It's spell checked
too.
Dear Mom,
Don't worry. We do regular
camp stuff. We told ghost
stories by the glow of the green
computer screens. It was
real neat. I don't have
much of a tan 'cause we don't go
outside very often. You
can't see the computer screen in
the sunlight anyway. That
wimp camp I went to last year
fed us weird food too.
Lay off, Mom. I'm okay, really.
Love, Billy.
Dear Mom,
I'm fine. I'm sleeping enough.
I'm eating enough. This is
the best camp ever. We
scared the counselor with some
phony worm code. It was
real funny. He got mad and yelled.
Frederick says it's okay.
Can you send more money? I spent
mine on a pocket protector and
a box of blank diskettes.
I've got to chip in on the phone
bill. Did you know that you
can talk to people on a computer?
Give my regards to Dad.
Love, Billy.
Dear Mother,
Forget the money for the telephone.
We've got a way to not
pay. Sorry I haven't written.
I've been learning a lot. I'm
real good at getting onto any
computer in the country. It's
really easy! I got into
the university's in less than fif-
teen minutes. Frederick
did it in five, he's going to show
me how. Frederick is my
bunk partner. He's really smart.
He says that I shouldn't call
myself Billy anymore. So, I'm
not.
Signed, William.
Dear Mother,
How nice of you to come up on
Parents Day. Why'd you get so
upset? I haven't gained
that much weight. The glasses aren't
real. Everybody wears
them. I was trying to fit in. Believe
me, the tape on them is cool.
I thought that you'd be proud
of my program. After all,
I've made some money on it. A
publisher is sending a check
for $30,000. Anyway, I've paid
for the next six weeks of camp.
I won't be home until late
August.
Regards, William.
Mother,
Stop treating me like a child.
True -- physically I am only
ten years old. It was
silly of you to try to kidnap me. Do
not try again. Remember,
I can make your life miserable
(i.e. - the bank, credit bureau,
and government computers).
I am not kidding. O.K.?
I won't write again and this is
your only warning. The
emotions of this interpersonal
communication drain me.
Sincerely, William.
See what I mean? It's been two
weeks since I've heard from
my little boy. What can
I do, Mr.Dvorak? I know that it's
probably too late to save my
little Billy. But, if by
printing these letters you can
save JUST ONE CHILD from a
life of programming, please,
I beg of you to do so.
Thank you very much.
Sally Gates,
Concerned Parent
"Nunc hoc in marmore non est incisum."
Top
Subj: A Girl's
Guide To Geek Guys (DU)
From by Mikki Halpin and Victoria Maat
Thanks go to Alan Kaltz for this one!
So, your crush on the bass player
from Vibrating Sandbox
has finally died a whimpering
death and you're wondering
where to go from here.
All the sinister dudes are either
dating a series of interchangeable
high-school riot girls
in baby doll dresses and an
overdose of manic panic, or
permanently shacked up with
some bitter old lady who pays
all the bills. Which will
it be, a wifely prison or a
humiliating one night stand?
Into this void of potential
mates comes a man you may not
have considered before, a man
of substance, quietude and stability,
a cerebral creature
with a culture all his own.
In short, a geek.
Why Geek Dudes
Rule
They are
generally available.
Other women
will tend not to steal them.
They can
fix things.
Your parents
will love them.
They're smart.
Where The Geek Dude Lurks
While they are often into alternative
music, geek dudes
tend not to go to shows too
often. Instead you'll find
them hanging out with their
friends, discussing the latest
hardware revolution or perfecting
their Bill Gates
impressions. You know
how some people wear t-shirts with
their favorite bands on them,
thus showing that they went
to certain shows? Well,
geek dudes wear t-shirts with the
logos of different software
companies on them, thus showing
that they are up on the latest,
um, releases. A small,
though convivial, rivalry may
be detected here amongst the
geek dudes. Try wearing
one yourself and see if he strikes
up a conversation.
Of course the best way to meet
a geek dude is through the
Internet. All geeks harbor
a secret fantasy about meeting
some girl in cyberspace, carrying
on an e-mail romance in
which he has the chance to combine
an activity he is com-
fortable with, computing, with
one he is very uncomfortable
with, socializing. To
many geek dudes, cyberdating is just
an advanced form of some kind
of video game, but they are
frustrated by a lack of players.
Their lack is your
strength.
Imprinting
You might notice that these men
harbor some strange ideas
about how the world works and
some particularly strange
ideas about women. There
is a reason for this. Because
they've had limited interpersonal
experience, geek dudes
must look elsewhere for behavior
models. Lacking a real
world social milieu, geeks often
go through a transference
stage with such narratives,
and try to model their
interactions on them.
Thus, certain media images and
themes come to have an overly
cathected, metaphorized
reality to them, while the rest
of us view such programming
as mere entertainment.
Case in point, our next topic...
The Trek factor
If you're not up on your Star
Trek, you can forget about
getting or keeping a geek dude.
And I'm not just talking
vintage-era Captain Kirk and
Spock either. You've got to
be up on your The Next Generation,
your Deep Space Nine,
your Babylon 5. Armed
with your own knowledge of
Federation policies, you can
better gauge when and how to
act. The sexual politics
of Star Trek are pretty blunt:
the men run the technology and
the ship, and the women are
caretakers (a doctor and a counselor).
Note the sexual
tensions on the bridge of the
Enterprise: the women, in
skin tight uniforms, and with
luxuriant, flowing hair.
The men, often balding, and
sporting some sort of
permanently attached computer
auxiliary. This world
metaphorizes the fantasies of
the geek dude, who sees
himself in the geeky-but-heroic
male officers and who
secretly desires a sexy, smart,
Deanna or Bev to come
along and deferentially accept
him for who he is. If you
are willing to accept that this
is his starting point for
reality, you are ready for a
geek relationship.
Once You've Nabbed Him
Of course, catching that geek
guy is only half the battle.
Keeping him by your side is
another story altogether. I
was privileged to speak with
Miss Victoria Maat, who not
only got herself a geek guy
but was also clever enough to
marry him just a few short months
ago. She interrupted
her newlywed bliss to give us
a few tips on the care and
feeding of a geek man:
Geeks are sensitive and caring
lovers and husbands. If
you can hang with the techno-lifestyle,
they make the best
mates. They are the most
attractive people, not flashy or
hunky, but the kind who get
cuter and more alluring over
time (I told you she was a newlywed).
Definitely give
geeks a chance.
Geek Cuisine
Geeks tend towards packaged,
junk foods since they prefer
to work and think and aren't
all that into cooking for
themselves. Make sure
that your geek understands that you
are not merely a replicator,
and provide him with home
cooked food. A batch of
chocolate chip cookies will let
him know that you love him.
You do have to monitor your
geek for weight gain; however,
remember that most of their
days are spent sitting and staring
at a monitor.
Geek Lifestyle
The geek dude has long work habits
and tends to bring his
work home with him. He
seems permanently connected to his
hard disk. You must at
least appear interested in his work.
Generally, a solid understanding
of the computer is a must;
if you cannot master this, you
should at least be able to
talk the talk. Remember
most geeks are anal and they get
stressed about details which
appear insignificant. Be
understanding, put on your best
Deanna Troi face (see above)
and empathize.
To relax, geeks love to play
the latest computer games. Let
him play Myst or Chuck Yeager's
Air Combat for hours if he
wants to. Act concerned
if he's stuck or has just been
ambushed by three MiGs.
My geek loves to try to help people
on the Internet who say that
they are stuck in Myst. He
comes up with clever riddles
instead of directing them point
blank. Geeks also like
to go to sci-fi and Japanese
animated movies, again, a basically
harmless vent for your
man.
Geek Buddies
Many geeks extend their work
friendships into what they
jokingly refer to as RL (Real
Life, also known as "that big
room with the ceiling that is
sometimes blue and sometimes
black with little lights").
The greatest thing about your
geek's buddies is that you can
feel secure in setting them
up with your girlfriends.
They may feel awkward around
females at first, so don't overwhelm
them. In time they
will come out of their shell
and realize that you are into
the same things they are.
Post-It Note
I thank Victoria for the above
advice. I must say that
when she read my draft of the
piece, before writing her
section, she asked her husband
which one he thought she
was more like, Deanna or Beverly.
Howard, the devil,
immediately replied that he
had always thought Victoria
was actually most like Ensign
Ro Laren, a cute character
with a slight authority problem
who is always had trouble
(this is fairly apt).
This exchange is interesting for
several reasons:
Howard had
already thought about who she was most like.
He could
summon up characters from seasons past with ease.
Victoria
actually knew who he meant.
Folks, I
think this marriage will last.
One Last Thing
Because they have been so abused
and ignored by society,
many geeks have gone underground.
You may actually know
some and just haven't noticed
them. They often feel
resentful, and misunderstood,
and it is important to
realize this as you grow closer
to them. Don't ever try
to force the issue, or make
crazy demands that he choose
between his computer and you.
Remember, his computer has
been there for him his whole
life; you are a new interloper
he hasn't quite grasped yet.
Geek dudes thrive on mystery
and love challenges and
intellectual puzzles.
Don't you consider yourself one?
Wouldn't you like a little intellectual
stimulation or your
own? We thought so.
Top
Subj: Nerd
Season (S183, S637c)
From: Octagon999 on 97-11-15
A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer
load of computers
stops for a beer. As he
approaches the bar he sees a big
sign on the door saying
"NERDS NOT ALLOWED--ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!"
He goes in and sits down.
The bartender comes over to him,
sniffs, says he smells kind
of nerdy, asks him what he does
for a living. The truck
driver says he drives a truck,
and the smell is just from
the computers he is hauling.
The bartender says OK, truck
drivers are not nerds, and serves
him a beer.
As he is sipping his beer, a
skinny guy walks in with tape
around his glasses, a pocket
protector with twelve kinds of
pens and pencils, and a belt
at least a foot too long. The
bartender, without saying a
word, pulls out a shotgun and
blows the guy away. The
truck driver asks him why he did
that. The bartender said
not to worry, the nerds are over-
populating the Silicon Valley,
and are in season now. You
don't even need a license, he
said.
The truck driver finishes his
beer, gets back in his truck,
and heads back onto the freeway.
Suddenly he veers to avoid
an accident, and the load shifts.
The back door breaks open
and computers spill out all
over the freeway. He jumps out
and sees a crowd already forming,
grabbing up the computers.
They are all engineers, accountants
and programmers wearing
the nerdiest clothes he has
ever seen. He can't let them
steal his whole load.
So remembering what happened in the
bar, he pulls out his gun and
starts blasting away, felling
several of them instantly.
A highway patrol officer comes
zooming up and jumps out of
the car screaming at him to stop.
The truck driver said, "What's
wrong? I thought nerds were
in season."
"Well, sure." said the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em."
Subj: Short
Nerd Jokes
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 6/13/2002
(S280b)
"Be nice to nerds, because the
chances are
you'll be working for one."
From: AmusingFacts.com on June 09,2004
(S385b)
The word "nerd" was first coined
by Dr. Suess
in the book "If I Ran to the
Zoo."
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