Subj: Jokes About Nuns2 (d3b)
(Includes 23 jokes and articles)
Praying Nun from
Imogenelumen@aol.com
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Subj: Jokes About Nuns2 (d3b) (Includes 23 jokes and articles) |
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Praying Nun from Imogenelumen@aol.com |
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| Subj:
Saint Theresa And Pope John XXII (S561c)
From: jtgalvan on 10/18/2007 . |
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Subj: A Nun
Goes Into Hooters (S520b)
From: allenbergman on 1/6/2007
A nun, badly needing to use the
restroom, walked into a local
Hooters restaurant. The
place was hopping with music and
loud conversation and every
once a while the lights would
turn off. Each time the
lights would go out, the place would
erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw
the nun, the room went dead
silent. She walked up
to bartender, and asked, "May I please
use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "OK, but
I should warn you that there
is a statue of a naked man in
there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case I'll just
look the other way," said the
nun. So, the bartender
showed the nun to the back of the
restaurant, and she proceeded
to the restroom. After a few
minutes, she came back out,
and the whole place stopped just
long enough to give the nun
a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and
said, "Sir, I don't understand,
"Why did they applaud for me
just because I went to the
restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one
of us," said the bartender.
"Would you like a drink?"
"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender,
"Every time the leaf on
the statue is lifted up, the
lights go out. Now, how about
that drink?"
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Subj: A Nun
Flies To Chicago (S391, S595b)
From: hellgunner50 on 7/18/2004
and
From: ginafm on 6/16/2008
A nun was sitting at the airport
waiting for her flight to
Chicago. She looked over
& saw one of those weight machines
that tells your fortune.
Deciding to give it a try, she
went to the machine, stepped
on the scale and put her nickel
in. Out came a card saying,
"You are a nun, you weigh 128
Lbs & you're going to Chicago".
The nun sat back down & told
herself the machine probably
gives the same card to Everyone.
The more she thought about
it, the more curious she was,
so she decided to try it again.
She went back to the machine
& put another nickel in. Out
came a card, "You are a nun,
you weigh 128 lbs, you are going
to Chicago and you're going
to play a fiddle.
The nun said to herself, I know
this is wrong. I've never
played a musical instrument
In my life. She went back to her
seat. From out of nowhere,
a cowboy came & sat Down, putting
his fiddle on the seat between
them.
Without thinking, she opened
The case, took out the fiddle &
started playing. Surprised
at what she'd done, she looked at
the machine & decided to
try again. Back to the machine &
another nickel. The card
said "You are a nun, you weigh 128
lbs, you are going to Chicago
& you're going to break wind."
Now, she knew the machine was
wrong. She'd never broken wind
in public in her life.
But getting off the scale, she slipped
& straining to keep from
falling, she broke wind.
Stunned, she sat down & looked
at the machine, thinking I have
to try this again. She
went back to the machine & dropped in
a nickel. Another Card
came out. It read, "You are a nun,
you weigh 128 lbs, you've fiddled
& farted around & missed
your flight to Chicago.
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Subj: Nun
Confronts Man By Bar (S317, S510)
From: LABLaughs.com on 2/21/2003
Arthur was sitting outside his
local pub one day, enjoying a
quiet pint and generally feeling
good about himself, when a
nun suddenly appears at his
table and starts decrying the
evils of drink.
"You should be ashamed of yourself
young man! Drinking is a
Sin! Alcohol is the blood
of the devil!"
Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed
about this, and goes on the
offensive.
"How do *you* know, Sister?"
"My Mother Superior told me so"
"But have you ever had a drink
yourself? How can you be
sure that what you are saying
is right?"
"Don't be ridiculous - of course
I have never taken alcohol
myself"
"Then let me buy you a drink
- if you still believe
afterwards that it is evil I
will give up drink for life"
"How could I, a Nun, sit outside
this public house
drinking?!"
"I'll get the barman to put it
in a teacup for you, them
no-one will know"
The Nun reluctantly agrees, so
Arthur goes inside to the
bar.
"Another pint for me, and a triple
vodka on the rocks",
then he lowers his voice and
says to the barman "... and
could you put the vodka in a
teacup?"
"Oh no! It's not that drunken Nun again is it?"
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Subj: Dying
Mother Superior (S260c)
From: pns on 1/19/2002
The wise old Mother Superior
was dying. The nuns gathered
around her bed, trying to make
her comfortable. They gave
her some warm milk to drink,
but she refused it. Then one
nun took the glass back to the
kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of whiskey
received as a gift the
previous Christmas, she opened
it and poured a generous
amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior's bed,
she held the glass to her lips.
Mother drank a little, then a
little more, then before they
knew it, she had drunk the whole
glass down to the last drop.
"Mother," the nuns asked with
earnest, "Give us some wisdom
before you die!"
She raised herself up in bed
with a pious look on her face
and pointing out the window,
she said, "Don't sell that cow!
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Subj: Two
Nuns Meet Little Dracula (S205)
From: rlr29 on 12/1/2000
Two nuns, Sister Anne and Sister
Noreen, are traveling through
Europe in their car. They
get to Transylvania and are stopped
at a traffic light. Suddenly,
out of nowhere, a tiny little
dracula jumps on to the hood
of the car and hisses through the
windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Noreen. "What shall we do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on.
That will get rid of the
abomination," says Sister Anne.
Sister Noreen switches them on,
knocking Dracula about, but he
clings on and continues hissing
at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Switch on the windshield washer.
I filled it up with Holy
Water at the Vatican," says
Sister Anne.
Sister Noreen turns on the windshield
washer. Dracula screams
as the water burns his skin,
but he clings on and continues
hissing at the nuns.
"Show him your cross," says Sister Anne.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Noreen.
She opens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off our car!!!!!
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Subj: Sister
Mathematical & Sister Logical (S127, S376b)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 7/1/99
and
From: Imogenelumen on 4/13/2004
Two nuns went out of the convent
to sell cookies. One of
them is known as Sister Mathematical
(SM) and the other one
is known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and
they are still far away from
the convent.
SL: Have you noticed that a man
has been following us for
the past
half-hour?
SM: Yes, I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to have his way with us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate
he will reach us in 15 minutes at
the most.
What can we do?
| SL: The only logical
thing to do
of course is that we have to start walking faster. SM: It is not working. |
 |
Running Nun
from Imogenelumen@aol.com |
SM: So, what shall we do?
At this rate he will reach us in
one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we
can do is split. You go that
way and I'll
go this way. He cannot follow both of us.
So the man decided to go after Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at
the convent and is worried
because Sister Logical
has not yet arrived. Finally,
Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank
God you are here! Tell us what
happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened.
The man could not
follow both
of us, so he followed me.
SM: So, what happened? Please tell us.
SL: The only logical thing to
happen. I started to run as
fast as I
could.
SM: So what happened?
SL: The only logical thing to
happen. The man also started
to run as
fast as he could.
SM: And what else?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. He reached me.
SM: Oh, no! What did you do then?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister. What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can
run faster
than a man with his pants down!
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Subj: Short
Nun Jokes
Top
Subj: Gonorrhea
In The Convent (S433b)
From: darrell94590 on 5/11/2005
Mother Superior called the nuns
together and announced:
"We have a case of gonorrhea
in the convent."
An old nun from the back of the
room said: " Well, thank
God. I'm sick of Chardonnay".
Top
Subj: The
Latest Wonder Drug (S391b)
From: igiggle on 7/18/2004
Have you heard about the latest
wonder drug?
When administered to women, it
gives them the irresistible
urge to join a convent.
The FDA refuses to approve it,
though. They fear it will
be habit-forming.
Top
Subj: Poem
- A Nun From Siberia (S386b)
From: mrx on 6/21/2004
There once was a nun from Siberia
Who was born with a virgin interior
Until a young monk
Jumped into her bunk
And now she's a mother superior!
Top
Subj: Three
Nuns Were Talking
From: http://www.twistedhumor.com
on 1/10/00
Three nuns were talking. The
first nun said, "I was cleaning
the father's room the other
day and do you know what I
found? A bunch of pornographic
magazines!"
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.
"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."
The second nun said, "Well, I
can top that. I was in the
father's room putting away the
laundry and I found a bunch
of condoms."
"Oh my," gasped the other nuns.
"What did you do?" they
asked.
"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.
The third nun said, "Oh shit."
Top
Subj: Mother
Superior Does Her Rounds (S269c)
From: gheckman on 3/24/2002
The Mother Superior is doing
her rounds, checking that all
is well before retiring.
She goes into a dormitory and
calls out, "Time for sleep.
Candles out sisters." Her
command is answered with a loud
slurping noise.
Top
Subj: Three
Nuns Buy Cucumbers (S403 - nuns2)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #249 on 98-05-25
and
From: Anonymous Junior on 10/02/04
Three nuns went to a cucumber
stand in an open market one
day. They asked how much
the cucumbers were. The merchant
said that they were 4 for a
dollar. The nuns said okay. The
puzzled merchant asked why they
needed four cucumbers when
there were only three of them.
A nun answered back, "Well, we
could alway eat one."
Two nuns are riding their bicycles
toward the convent when
one nun says to the other nun
"Gee, I've never come this
way before". The other
nun replies "I know, I think it's
the cobblestones".
There were two nuns - one young,
and one old - walking
through the park. They
were set upon by two hoodlums, who
threw them to the ground and
began raping them. The
younger nun looked upwards to
heaven and said, "Forgive
them Father for they know not
what they do."
The older nun then looked over
and said, "I don't know
about yours, but mine sure does!"
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #82
A nun is walking down a deserted
road when a man grabbed
her and started raping her.
After the rapist was done, he
said, "Hey Sister, what are
you going to tell the other
Sisters *now*?"
"I'll tell them the truth, that
you grabbed me, threw me
to the ground, and raped me
twice....unless you're tired."
she responded.
Since I went to school the Sisters
who teach there are not
nearly as strict. Amnesty International
got after them.
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/1/2007 (S545b)
"It is not how much we do, but
how much love we put in the
doing. It is not how much we
give, but how much love we put
in the giving." -- Mother
Teresa
Q: Are you allowed to kiss a
nun?
A: Yes, but don't get into the
habit.
Q: What's the difference between
a nun and a woman taking
a shower?
A: The nun has hope in her soul.
Q: Why do nuns always walk in
pairs?
A: So one nun can make sure
the other nun don't get none!
Q: What kind of meat does the
pope eat on fridays?
A: Nun.
Q: What do you call a nun in
a blender?
A: Twisted sister.
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an altar
boy!
Q: What fun does a priest have?
A: NUN!
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 |
Smiley the Nun from
Smiliemania.da |