Subj: Church-Supp Jokes (Gz-m4)
(Includes 39 jokes and articles)
Sunday School from
Animation Factory
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Subj: Church-Supp Jokes (Gz-m4) (Includes 39 jokes and articles) |
|
Sunday School from Animation Factory |
| Subj:
Church Bloopers (S622)
From: mauryschu on 12/7/2008 |
 |
This video of mistakes made during
different services
is quite funny. Click
'HERE'
to view it.
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Subj: Bar
Sues Church (S614)
From: LABLaughsClean on 10/17/2008
In a small Texas town (Mt. Vernon),
Drummond's Bar began
construction on a new building
to increase their business.
The local Baptist church started
a campaign to block the
bar from opening with petitions
and prayers.
Work progressed right up till
the week before opening when
lightning struck the bar and
it burned to the ground. The
church folks were rather smug
in their outlook after that,
until the bar owner sued the
church on the grounds that the
church was ultimately responsible
for the demise of his
building, either through direct
or indirect actions or
means. The church vehemently
denied all responsibility or
any connection to the building's
demise in its reply to the court.
As the case made its way into
court, the judge looked over
the paperwork. At the
hearing he commented, "I don't know
how I'm going to decide this
case. It appears that we have
a bar owner who believes in
the power of prayer, and an
entire church congregation that
does not."
Snopes.com has declared this
story an urban legend at
http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/prayer.asp
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Subj: The
Twenty And The One (S602)
From: tom on 7/24/2008
A well-worn one-dollar bill and
a similarly distressed
twenty-dollar bill arrived at
a Federal Reserve Bank to
be retired. As they moved
along the conveyor belt to be
burned, they struck up a conversation.
The twenty-dollar bill reminisced
about its travels all
over the country. 'I've
had a pretty good life,' the
twenty proclaimed. 'Why I've
been to Las Vegas and
Atlantic City, the finest restaurants
in New York,
performances on Broadway, and
even a cruise to the
Caribbean.'
'Wow!' said the one-dollar bill.
'You've really had an
exciting life!'
'So tell me,' says the twenty,
'where have you been
throughout your lifetime?'
The one dollar bill replies,
'Oh, I've been to the
Methodist Church, the Baptist
Church, the Lutheran Church,
the Episcopalian church, the
Presbyterian church, the
Catholic Church, ...'
The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, 'What's a church?'
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 |
Subj:
The Mississippi Squirrel Revival (S585 in Anim-Supp)
From: rfslick on 4/5/2008 |
This music video by Ray Stevens
wonderfully funny. You can
view it at the above source,
or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: Answered
Prayers (S581c)
From: fischer-j on 3/7/2008
The pastor asked if anyone in
the congregation would like
to express Praise for answered
prayers. A lady stood and
walked to the podium.
She said, 'I have a praise. Two
months ago, my husband, Jim,
had a terrible bicycle wreck
and his scrotum was completely
crushed. The pain was
excruciating and the doctors
didn't know if they could
help him.'
You could hear an audible gasp
from the men in the
congregation as they imagined
the pain that poor Jim
experienced. She continued,
'Jim was unable to hold me
or the children and every move
caused him terrible pain.
We prayed as the doctors performed
a delicate operation.
They were able to piece together
the crushed remnants of
Jim's scrotum and wrap wire
around it to hold it in place.'
Again, the men in the congregation
squirmed uncomfortably
as they imagined the horrible
surgery performed on Jim.
She continued, 'Now, Jim is
out of the hospital and the
doctor's say, with time, his
scrotum should recover
completely.' All the men
sighed with relief.
The pastor rose and tentatively
asked if anyone else had
anything to say. A man
rose and walked to the podium.
He said, 'I'm Jim and I want
to tell my wife, the word is
sternum.'
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Subj: The
Children Of Israel (S530)
From: drgolfmd on 3/15/2007
At a Christian school the Bible
teacher finished the day's
lesson. It was now time
for the usual question period.
"Teacher?" asked little Melvin.
"There's something I need
to know."
"What's that son?" asked the teacher.
"Well, according to the Scriptures,
the children of Israel
crossed the Red Sea , right?"
"Right."
"And the children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"
"Right."
"And the children of Israel built the temple, right?"
"Again, you are correct."
"And the children of Israel fought
the Egyptians, and the
children of Israel fought the
Romans, and the children of
Israel were always doing something
important, right?"
"All that is correct," agreed
the teacher. "Son, what
specifically is your question?"
"What I need to know is this,"
replied Melvin. "What were
all the grown-ups doing?"
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Subj: Sunday's
Sermon 'Forgive Your Enemies' (S496b)
From: DoctorDebt on 7/27/2006
Toward the end of the service,
the Minister asked, "How many
of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands.
The minister then repeated his
question. All responded this
time, except one small elderly
lady. "Mrs. Jones? Are you
not willing to forgive your
enemies?" "I don't have any" She
replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual.
How old are you?" "Ninety-
eight." she replied.
"Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please
come down in front ? tell us
all how a person can live ninety-eight
years and not have an
enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady
tottered down the aisle, faced
the congregation, and said:
"I outlived the bitches."
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Subj: Three
Young Men Sell Bibles (S466b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 12/21/2005
A minister concluded that
his church was getting into
serious financial troubles.
Coincidentally, by chance,
while checking the church
storeroom, he discovered
several cartons of new bibles
that had never been opened
and distributed. So at the end
of his sermon the
following Sunday, he asked for
three volunteers from the
congregation who would be willing
to sell the bibles
door-to-door for
$10 each to raise the desperately
needed money for the church.
Peter, Paul and Louie all raised
their hands to volunteer
for the task. The reverend knew
that Peter and Paul
earned their living as salesmen
and were likely capable
of selling some
bibles but he had serious doubts about
Louie. Louie was
just a little local farmer, who had
always tended to keep to himself
because he was
embarrassed by his speech impediment.
Poor little
Louis stuttered very badly.
But, not wanting to
discourage poor Louis, the reverend
decided to let him
try anyway. He sent the
three of them away with the
back seat of their cars
stacked with bibles and asked
them to meet with
him and report the results of their
door-to-door selling efforts
the following Sunday.
Eager to find out how successful
they were, the reverend
immediately asked Peter, "Well,
Peter, how did you make
out selling our bibles last
week?"
Proudly handing the
reverend an envelope, Peter replied,
"Father, using my sales
prowess, I was able to sell
20 bibles, and here's the $200
I collected on behalf of
the church."
"Fine job, Peter!" The
reverend said, vigorously shaking
his hand. "You are indeed a
fine salesman and the Church
is indebted to you." Turning
to Paul, he asked ! "And Paul,
how many bibles did you
manage to sell for the church last
week?"
Paul, smiling and sticking
out his chest, confidently
replied, "Reverend, I
am a professional salesman and was
happy to give the church the
benefit of my sales expertise.
Last week I sold 28 bibles on
behalf of the church, and
here's $280 I collected."
The reverend responded,
"That's absolutely splendid, Paul.
You are truly a professional
salesman and the church is also
indebted to you."
Apprehensively, the reverend
turned to little Louie and
said, "And Louie, did
you manage to sell any bibles last
week?"
Louie silently offered
the reverend a large envelope. The
reverend opened it and
counted the contents. "What is this?"
the reverend exclaimed.
"Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are
you suggesting that you
sold 320 bibles for the church, door
to door, in just one
week? Louie just nodded.
That's impossible!" both Peter
and Paul said in unison. "We
are professional salesmen, yet
you claim to have sold 10 times
as many bibles as we could."
"Yes, this does seem unlikely,"
the reverend agreed. "I think
you'd better explain how
you managed to accomplish this, Louie."
Louie shrugged. "I-I-I-
re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know
f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he
stammered. Impatiently, Peter
interrupted. "For crying out
loud, Louie, just tell us what
you said to them when they answered
the door!"
"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was,"
Louis replied,
"W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like
t-t-to b-b-b-buy
th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible
f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks
---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would
yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me
t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here
and r-r-r-r-r-read! it t-to
y-y-you?"
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Subj: Squirrels
Invade Three Churches (S448)
From: Readers Digest on September of 2005
Squirrels had overrun three churches
in town. After much
prayer, the elders of the first
church determined that the
animals were predestined to
be there. 'Who were they to
inerfere with God's will?' they
reasoned. Soon, the
squirrels multiplied.
The elders of the second church,
deciding that they could not
harm any of God's creatures,
humanely trapped the squirrels
and set them free outside of
the town. Three days later, the
squirrels were back.
It was only the third church
that succeeded in keeping the
pests away. The elders
baptized the squirrels and registered
them as members of the church.
Now they only see them on
Christmas and Easter.
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| Subj:
Where Is Jesus Today? (S441b)
From Joke_Centra.com on 7/7/2005 |
 |
Little
Johnny
from Yahoo! Images |
A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers
was concerned that
his students might be a little
confused about Jesus Christ
because of the Christmas season
emphasis on His birth. He
wanted to make sure they understood
that the birth of Jesus
occurred a long time ago, that
He grew up, etc. So he asked
his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said,
"He's in heaven." Mary was
called on and answered, "He's
in my heart." Little Johnny,
waving his hand furiously, blurted
out, "I know! I know! He's
in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet,
looked at the teacher, and
waited for a response.
The teacher was completely at a loss
for a few very long seconds.
He finally gathered his wits
and asked Little Johnny how
he knew this.
Little Johnny said, "Well...every
morning, my father gets up,
bangs on the bathroom door,
and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you
still in there?'!"
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Subj: Children's
Message In Church (S415)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/11/2005
A pastor was giving the children's
message during church.
For this part of the service,
he would gather all the
children around him and give
a brief lesson before
dismissing them for children's
church.
On this particular Sunday, he
was using squirrels for an
object lesson on industry and
preparation. He started out
by saying, "I'm going to describe
something, and I want you
to raise your hand when you
know what it is." The children
nodded eagerly.
"This thing lives in trees (pause)
and eats nuts
pause)..." No hands went up.
"And it is gray (pause) and has
a long bushy tail
(pause)..."
The children were looking at
each other, but still no hands
raised. "And it jumps from branch
to branch (pause) and
chatters and flips its tail
when it's excited (pause)..."
Finally one little boy tentatively
raised his hand. The
pastor breathed a sigh of relief
and called on him.
"Well...," said the boy, "I *know*
the answer must be
Jesus...but is sure sounds like
a squirrel to me!"
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Subj: Church
Humor From Kids (S412)
From: LABLaughsClean on 12/15/2004
After the christening of his
baby brother in church, Jason
sobbed all the way home in the
back seat of the car. His
father asked him three times
what was wrong. Finally, the
boy replied, "That preacher
said he wanted us brought up
in a Christian home, and I wanted
to stay with you guys."
I had been teaching my three-year
old daughter, Caitlin,
the Lord's Prayer for several
evenings at bedtime, she
would repeat after me the lines
from the prayer. Finally,
she decided to go solo. I listened
with pride as she carefully
enunciated each word right up
to the end of the prayer:
"Lead us not into temptation,"
she prayed, "but deliver us
some E-mail.
One particular four-year-old
prayed, "And forgive us our
trash baskets as we forgive
those who put trash in our baskets."
3-year-old, Reese:
"Our Father, Who does art in
heaven, Harold is His name. Amen."
A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me
a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time
like I am."
A Sunday school teacher asked
her children, as they were on
the way to church service, "And
why is it necessary to be
quiet in church?" One bright
little girl replied, "Because
people are sleeping."
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old
brother Joel were
sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked
out loud. Finally, his
big sister had had enough. "You're
not supposed to talk out loud
in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of
the church and said, "See those
two men standing by the door?
They're hushers."
A mother was preparing pancakesfor
her sons, Kevin, 5 and
Ryan 3. The boys began
to argue over who would get the
first pancake. Their mother
saw the opportunity for a
moral lesson. "If Jesus were
sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first
pancake, I can wait.'"
Kevin turned to his younger
brother and said, "Ryan, you
be Jesus!"
A father was at the beach with
his children when his four-
year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him
to the shore where a seagull
lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and
then said, "Did God throw him
back down?"
A wife invited some people to
dinner. At the table, she
turned to their six-year-old
daughter and said, "Would you
like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and
said, "Lord, why on earth
did I invite all these people
to dinner?"
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Subj: Dating
A Sunday School Teacher (S365b)
From: gheckman on 12/30/2003
John and Marie (both unmarried)
went to the same Baptist
church. Marie went every
Sunday and taught Sunday School.
John went on Christmas and Easter
and, once in a while, he
went on one of the other Sundays.
On one of those Sundays, he was
in the pew right behind
Marie and he noticed what a
fine looking woman she was.
While they were taking up the
collection, John leaned
forward and said, "Hey, Marie,
how about you and me go to
dinner next Friday?" "Why Yes,
John, that would be nice,"
said Marie.
Well, John couldn't believe his
luck. All week long he
polished up his car, and on
Friday he picked up Marie and
took her to dinner, the finest
restaurant in Raleigh. When
they sat down, John looked over
at Marie said, "Hey, Marie,
would you like a cocktail before
dinner?""Oh, no, John,"
said Marie. "What would I tell
my Sunday School class?"
Well, John was setback a bit,
so he didn't say much until
after dinner. Then he
reached in his pocket and pulled out
a pack of cigarettes. "Hey,
Marie," said John, "would you
like a smoke?" "Oh, no, John,"
said Marie. "What would I
tell my Sunday School class?"
Well, John was feeling pretty
low after that, so he just
got in his car and was driving
Marie home when they passed
the Holiday Inn. He'd
struck out twice already, so he
figured he had nothing to lose.
"Hey, Marie," said John,
"how would you like to stop
at this motel with me?" "Sure,
John, that would be nice," said
Marie.
Well, John couldn't believe his
luck. He made a U-turn
right then and there across
the median and drove back to
the motel and checked in with
Marie.
The next morning John got up
first. He looked at Marie
lying there in the bed. "What
have I done? What have I
done?" thought John. He shook
Marie and she woke up.
"Marie, I've got to ask you one
thing, said John. "What
are you going to tell your Sunday
School class?" Marie
said, "The same thing I always
tell them..............
You don't have to smoke and
drink to have a good time."
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Subj: The
Organist (S485c)
From: DoctorDebt on 5/7/2006
There was a church that had a
very big-busted organist.
Her breasts were so huge that
they bounced and jiggled
while she played. Unfortunately,
she distracted the
congregation considerably.
The very proper church ladies
were appalled. They said
something had to be done about
this or they would have to get
another organist.
One of the ladies approached
her very discreetly and told
her to mash up some green persimmons...
(if you eat them
they make you pucker, because
they are so sour) ... so
rub some on your breasts and
maybe they would shrink in
size. She agreed to try
it.
The following Sunday morning
the minister got up on the
pulpit and said, "Dew to thircumsthanthis
bewond my contwol
we will not hath a thermon tewday.
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Subj: The
Pastor And The Organist (S362b)
From: Imogenelumen on 1/2/2004
The minister was preoccupied
with thoughts of how he was
going to, after the worship
service, ask the congregation
to come up with more money than
they were expecting for
repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed
to find that the regular organist
was sick and a substitute
had been brought in at the last
minute.
The substitute wanted to know
what to play. "Here's a copy
of the service," he said impatiently.
"But you'll have to
think of something to play after
I make the announcement
about the finances."
During the service, the minister
paused and said, "Brothers
and Sisters, we are in great
difficulty; the roof repairs
cost twice as much as we expected,
and we need $4,000 more.
Any of you who can pledge $100
or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute
organist played "The Star-
Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
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Subj: Hymns
For All Things (S362b)
From: Imogenelumen on 1/2/2004
The Dentist's Hymn:.............Crown
Him with Many Crowns
The Weatherman's Hymn...........There
Shall Be Showers of Blessings
The Contractor's Hymn:..........The
Church's One Foundation
The Tailor's Hymn:..............Holy,
Holy, Holy
The Golfer's Hymn:..............There's
a Green Hill Far Away
The Politician's Hymn:..........Standing
on the Promises
The Optometrist's Hymn:.........Open
My Eyes That I Might See
The IRS Agent's Hymn:...........I
Surrender All
The Gossip's Hymn:..............Pass
It On
The Electrician's Hymn:.........Send
The Light
The Shopper's Hymn:.............Sweet
By and By
The Realtor's Hymn:.............I've
Got a Mansion, Just Over the Hilltop
The Doctor's Hymn:..............The
Great Physician
AND for those who speed on the
highway - a few hymns:
-----45mph......................God
Will Take Care of You
-----55mph......................Guide
Me, O Thou Great Jehovah
-----65mph......................Nearer
My God To Thee
-----75mph......................Nearer
Still Nearer
-----85mph......................This
World Is Not My Home
-----95mph......................Lord,
I'm Coming Home
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Subj: Lightning
Strikes Church (S349b)
From: merlin_of_chaos on 10/8/2003
Source: http://snopes.com/religion/bolt.htm
True story, not a joke
FOREST — A guest evangelist at
First Baptist Church in Forest
was preaching about penance
and asking for a sign on Tuesday
night, when the church's steeple
was hit by lightning, setting
the church on fire and blowing
out the sound system.
"It was awesome, just awesome,"
said church member Ronnie
Cheney, 40, of rural Forest,
who was in the church at 206 N.
Martin St. when the lightning
struck.
"You could hear the storm building
outside. He (the evangelist)
just kept asking God what else
he needed to say," Cheney said.
"He was asking for a sign and
he got one."
At about 7:45 p.m., lightning
hit the church's steeple, went
through the electrical wiring
and blew out the church's sound
system. Cheney said the
lightning traveled through the
microphone and enveloped the
preacher, but he was not injured.
Afterward, services resumed for
about 20 minutes, but then the
congregation realized that the
church was on fire and the
building was evacuated.
According to Forest Fire Chief
Doug Hawkin, his crew, along
with the Kenton and Wharton
fire departments, responded to the
scene.
After firemen arrived they saw
flames coming from the steeple.
Firemen doused the blaze, remaining
at the scene about three hours.
"It was kind of interesting hearing
the preacher talk about
what had happened," Hawkin admitted.
There were no injuries.
Damage to the church was estimated at about $20,000.
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Subj: How
many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? (S347)
From: FridaySilliness on 9/19/2003
| Charismatic: Only
one. Hands already in the air.
Pentecostals: Ten. One
to change the bulb, and
Presbyterians: None.
Lights will go on and
|
 |
Baptists: At least 15.
One to change the light bulb, and
three committees
to approve the change and decide who
brings the potato
salad.
Episcopalians: Three.
One to call the electrician, one to
mix the drinks
and one to talk about how much better the
old bulb was.
Mormons: Five.
One man to change the bulb, and four wives
to tell him how
to do it.
Unitarians:
We choose not to make a statement either in
favor of or against
the need for a light bulb. However,
if in your own
journey you have found that light bulbs
work for you, that
is fine. You are invited to write a
poem or compose
a modern dance about your light bulb for
the next Sunday
service, in which we will explore a number
of light bulb traditions
including incandescent, fluorescent,
three-way, long-life,
and tinted, all of which are equally
valid paths to
luminescence.
Methodists:
Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull,
or completely out,
you are loved. You can be a light bulb,
turnip bulb, or
tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is
planned for Sunday.
Bring bulb of your choice and a covered
dish.
Nazarene: Six. One
woman to replace the bulb while five men
review church lighting
policy.
Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish: What's a light bulb?
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Subj: Ma ?
Pa Go To Church Once A Year (S322b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/28/2003
Ma and Pa made their annual visit
to church for the
Christmas Eve service.
As they were leaving, the minster
said, "Pa, it sure would be
nice to see you and ma here
more than once a year!"
"I know," replied Pa, "but at
least we keep the Ten
Commandments."
"That's great," the minister
said. "I'm glad to hear that
you keep the Commandments."
"Yup," Pa said proudly, "Ma keeps
six of 'em and I keep
the other four."
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Subj: Handyman
Quits Synagogue (S321b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/22/2003
A handyman, who was working for
a synagogue in Allentown,
PA, asked for a raise and was
flatly refused. So, he quit
his job and went out searching
for work.
First, he went to a Baptist church.
The minister told him
that in order to get a job there,
he would have to answer
one question. "Where was Jesus
born?" the minister asked.
The handyman answered, "Pittsburgh,"
and was promptly
thrown out.
He then went to a Catholic church
and was told that in order
to work there, he would have
to answer one question. "Where
was Jesus born?" the priest
asked.
"Philadelphia," the handyman
answered. Again, he was thrown
out.
As he continued his search, he
met up with the rabbi who
happened to be looking for him.
"I've been looking
everywhere for you," exclaimed
the rabbi. "The board has
approved your raise. Please,
come back immediately."
"I will come back," the handyman
replied, "but only if you
answer one question. Where was
Jesus born?"
"Bethlehem," the rabbi replied.
"Aha!" cried the handyman. "I
knew it was somewhere in
Pennsylvania!"
\\\//
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Subj: More
Short Church Jokes
Top
Subj: Two
Boys Discuss Satin (S594)
From: lauracollins07 on 6/6/2008
Two boys were walking home from
Sunday school after hearing
a strong preaching on the devil.
One said to the other,
'What do you think about all
this Satan stuff?'
The other boy replied, 'Well,
you know how Santa Claus
turned out. It's probably
just your Dad.'
 |
Subj:
Are You Kathlick? (S554c)
From: AFine963 on 8/24/2007 |
Top
Subj: Butt
Dust (S523b)
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 1/20/2007
The Sermon I think this Mom
will never forget.... this
particular Sunday sermon...
"Dear Lord," the minister
began, with arms extended toward
heaven and a rapturous
look on his upturned face.
"Without you, we are but
dust..." He would have
continued but at that moment my
very obedient daughter who was
listening leaned over to
me and asked quite audibly in
her shrill little four
year old girl voice, "Mom, what
is butt dust?"
Top
Subj: The
Pastor's Wife At Church (S451b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 9/4/2005
Gladys was the preacher's wife
and accompanied her husband
each Sunday to church. One particular
Sunday when the sermon
seemed to go on forever, many
in the congregation fell asleep.
After the service, to be sociable,
she walked up to a very
sleepy looking gentleman.
In an attempt to revive him from
his stupor, she extended her
hand in greeting, and said,
"Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn."
To which the gentleman replied,
"You're not the only one!"
| Subj:
Lego Church (S420)
From: DafterLafter on 2/7/2005 (See 'Amazing Lego' in Artist-Supp) |
 |
Top
Subj: What
Joey Learned In Sunday School (S442b)
From: The Joke Station
Source: http://www.4degreez.com/jokes/
Nine year old Joey was asked
by his mother what he had learned
in Sunday school. "Well, Mom,
our teacher told us how God sent
Moses behind enemy lines on
a rescue mission to lead the Israel-
ites out of Egypt. When
he got to the Red Sea, he had his
engineers build a pontoon bridge
and all the people walked
across safely. Then he
used his walkie-talkie to radio head-
quarters for reinforcements.
They sent bombers to blow up the
bridge and all the Israelites
were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what
your teacher taught you?" his
mother asked.
"Well, no, Mom. But if
I told it the way the teacher did,
you'd never believe it!"
Top
Subj: Sunday
School, Damnation, And Santa (S411b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 12/9/2004
Two youngsters were walking
home from Sunday School, each
deep in his own thoughts. Finally
one said, "What do you
think about all this damnation
?devil business we studied
today?"
The other boy replied thoughtfully,
"Well, you know how
the Santa Claus thing turned
out. This is probably just
your Dad, too."
Top
Subj: Sunday
School Class Learns Commandments (S323b)
From: gheckman on 4/1/2003
(See 'Sunday
School Lesson On 10 Commandments' in CHURCH)
A Sunday school teacher was
discussing the Ten Commandments
with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the
commandment to "honor" thy Father
and thy Mother, she asked,
"Is there a commandment that
teaches us how to treat our
brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little
boy (the oldest of a
family) answered, "Thou shall
not kill."
From: woneye on 8/27/2003 (S344b)
Going to church doesn't make
you a Christian any
more than standing in a garage
makes you a car.
From: Imogenelumen on 1/27/2004 (S366
- quotes-comed)
The secret of a good sermon
is to have a good beginning and
a good ending; and have the
two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns
From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/29/2006 (S472b)
On Saturday night most virile
young men go out to
sow their wild
oats.
And then go to Church the next
day to pray for
a crop failure
!!.
From: A fellow wood carver on 01/18/05
(S417b)
Q: Why won't Baptist ever have
sex standing up?
A: They are afraid that someone
will see them and think
that they are dancing.
\\\//
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