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Subj:     Church-Supp2 Jokes
                 (Includes 9 jokes and articles, 06 1043,4,cf,vXT3a5,2)

Church  from
Montreal's Protestant Churches
Includes the following:  Bizarro Cartoon (S874)
.........................Children's Sermon About The Resurrection (S832)
.........................Jeanne Robertson - "Don't Go To Vegas..." - Video (S816)
.........................Praying For 'Special Needs' (S794)
.........................Church Mice - A Christian Comic Strip (S815)
.........................The Theology Of Toys (DU)
.........................Deacon's Prayer - Photo (S1043)
.........................Other Boycotts Of The Southern Baptists (S63)
.........................More Short Church Jokes
..............................Lot'S Wife (S1017)

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Subj:     Bizarro Cartoon (S874)
          By Dan Piraro on 10/4/2013
 Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/october-4-2013/
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Subj:     Children's Sermon About The Resurrection (S832)
          From: virv on 12/16/2012

 A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon.  During
 the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the
 resurrection was.  Now, asking questions during children's
 sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children
 questions in front of a congregation can also be very
 dangerous.  Having asked the children if they knew the
 meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand.
 The pastor called on him and the little boy said, "I know
 that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four
 hours you are supposed to call the doctor."  It took ten
 minutes for the congregation to settle down from their
 laughter.

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Subj:     Jeanne Robertson - "Don't Go
.............To Vegas Without A Baptist" (S816d)
          From: darrelldre on 9/4/2012
 Source1: https://www.youtube.com/embed/WsuSRinUnIg
 Source2: http://www.coolestone.com/media/4487/Don't-Go-
..........To-Vegas-Without-A-Baptist---Jeanne-Robertson/

 Jeannie tells a funny story about a trip to Vegas with
 her bestest friend which just happens to be a Baptist.
 They end up in a casino and it's a laugh a minute until
 they get asked to leave...

 Click 'HERE' to hear about Jeanne taking her bestest friend to Vegas.

 Jeanne's official website is http://www.jeannerobertson.com

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Subj:     Praying For 'Special Needs' (S794)
          From: tom on 4/2/2012
 Source: http://www.jumbojoke.com/pray_for_leroy.html

 It was Sunday morning, and the preacher was very satisfied
 with the good turnout.  He was especially pleased to see
 Leroy sitting in the front row.  Leroy hadn't been to
 services in several years.

 After his usual lengthy sermon, the preacher made his usual
 offer: "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed
 over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

 And Leroy leapt up to be first in line!

 "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?" the
 preacher asked.

 Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with
 my hearing."

 The preacher certainly had experience with that!  He put
 one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other
 hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed
 and prayed.  He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the
 whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

 After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood
 back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

 "I don't know, preacher," Leroy answered. "My public defender
 sez it ain't 'til next week."

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Subj:     Church Mice - A Christian Comic Strip (S815d)
          By Karl A Zorowski
          From: Susan Macy Turner on Facebook on 8/26/12
 Source: http://churchmice.net/

 Church Mice is a Christian comic strip by Karl Zorowski,
 cartoonist and United Methodist minister.  This comic strip
 was started in 2001 and features as its the main character,
 Rev. Cheese, who interacts with his parishioners, God, and a
 local waitress.  Click 'HERE' to see eight of my favorite
 Church Mice comic strips.

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Subj:     The Theology Of Toys
..........From: ossama on 98-10-06

 Capitalism - He who dies with the most toys, wins.
 Hari Krishna - He who plays with the most toys, wins.
 Judaism - He who buys toys at the lowest price, wins.
 Catholicism - He who denies himself the most toys, wins.
 Anglican - They were our toys first.
 Greek Orthodox - No, they were OURS first.
 Branch Davidians - He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins.
 Atheism - There is no toy maker.
 Polytheism - There are many toy makers.
 Evolutionism - The toys made themselves.
 Church of Christ, Scientist - We are the toys.
 Communism - Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you go straight
        to the opposite of heaven if we catch you selling yours.
 Baha'i - All toys are just fine with us.
 Amish - Toys with batteries are surely a sin.
 Taoism - The doll is as important as the dumptruck.
 Mormonism - Every boy may have as many toys as he wants.
 Voodoo - Let me borrow that doll for a second...
 Hedonsim - Hang the rule book! Let's play!
 7th Day Adventist - He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses.
 Church of Christ - He whose toys make music, loses.
 Baptist - Once played always played.
 Jehovah's Witnesses - He who "places" the most toys door-to-door,   wins.
 Pentecostalism - He whose toys can talk, wins.
 Existentialism - Toys are a figment of your imagination.
 Confucianism - Once a toy is dipped in water, it is no longer dry.
 Non-denominationalism - We don't care where the toys came from,
        let's just play.

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Subj:     Deacon's Prayer (S1043)
          From: Steve Sommerkamp on 1/5/2017
 Source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/549087379549636001/
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Subj:     Other Boycotts Of The Southern Baptists (S63)
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 5/11/98

 15. Christmas carols, for promoting gay apparel
 14. The Food Channel, because of repeated use of the terms
     "Beef Tenderloins" and "Chicken Breast"
 13. Devils Food Chocolate Birthday Cakes-oh, what the heck, birthdays, too!
 12. Richard Simmons, because "There's something
     just not quite right about that man."
 11. McDonald's, because "They're Irish."
 10. "Poblec Skools"
  9. No more Marilyn Manson concerts performed in Disney-owned venues
  8. Pink Panther - gay or communist, hard to tell, doesn't matter
  7. Warner Brothers for putting a talking,
     naked-from-the-waist-down pig in their cartoons
  6. Ben-Gay Ointment
  5. Marvin Gaye records
  4. The Smithsonian's Homo Erectus exhibit
  3. Mentos?  The *Devil's* candy!
  2. Federal Express - no respectable company says "package" in public

     and the Number 1 Other Boycott of the Southern Baptists...
  1. The New York Yankees, because George Steinbrenner
     is an assho -- Uh, a wretched sinner

     [ This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]


Subj:     More Short Church Jokes

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Subj:     Lot'S Wife (S1017)
          From: carfal on 7/11/2017
 Source: http://www.all-creatures.org/humor/kidstheology2.html 
 The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife
 looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little
 Jason interrupted, "My Mommy looked back once while she was
 driving," he announced triumphantly, "And she turned into a
 telephone pole!"
 
 

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