Subj: Preacher-Supp Jokes (Gz-m4)
(Includes 8 jokes and articles)
Bishop from
Animation Library
| >>>
Subj: Preacher-Supp Jokes (Gz-m4) (Includes 8 jokes and articles) |
|
Bishop from Animation Library |
============================================================Top
| Subj: Preacher
Who Looked Like Conway Twitty (S577c)
From: darrellvip on 1/28/2008 Conway
Twitty photo from Die-Rock-And-Roll-Ag.de...
|
 |
The new Texas preacher was a
dead ringer for Conway Twitty,
the country music singer.
One day he decided to visit some
of the church members who hadn't
been to service lately.
He went to the first lady's house
and knocked on the door.
When she answered the door,
she said, 'Conway Twitty!'
'No ma'am,' he replied. 'I'm
your new pastor, and I came
to have prayer with you.'
So she said come right on in.
He visited several more homes,
and everyone thought he was
Conway Twitty.
Then he came to a young widow
woman's house on the end of
the street. She was taking
a shower at the time, so she
just wrapped a towel around
her and opened the door.
When she saw her caller, she
threw up her hands - which
allowed the towel to fall to
the floor. 'Oh my God!' she
exclaimed. 'It's Conway Twitty!'
And the preacher said...........
'Hello, Darlin!!'
You can listen to Conway Twitty's
'Hello Darlin'
by clicking on the speaker. 
You can listen to a medley of
Conway Twiddy songs
by clicking on the speaker.
You can visit an excellent Conway
Twitty web site,
by clicking on the record. 
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Four
Ministers Argue (S588b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/25/2008
The story goes that four ministers
had a series of
theological arguments, and three
were always in accord
against the fourth.
One day, the odd minister out,
after the usual "3 to 1
majority rules" statement that
signified that he had lost
again, decided to appeal to
a *higher* authority.
"Oh, Lord!" he cried. "I know
in my heart that I am right
and they are wrong! Please give
me a sign to prove it to
them!"
It was a beautiful, sunny day.
As soon as the minister
finished his prayer, a storm
cloud moved across the sky
above the four. It rumbled once
and dissolved.
"A sign from God! See, I'm right,
I knew it!" But the
other three disagreed, pointing
out that storm clouds
form on hot days.
So the minister prayed again:
"Oh, God, I need a bigger sign
to show that I am right
and they are wrong. So please,
Lord, a bigger sign!"
This time four storm clouds appeared,
rushed toward each
other to form one big cloud,
and a bolt of lightning
slammed into a tree on a nearby
hill.
"I told you I was right!" cried
the minister, but his
friends insisted that nothing
had happened that could
not be explained by natural
causes.
The minister was getting ready
to ask for a *very big*
sign, but just as he said, "Oh
God...," the sky turned
pitch black, the earth shook,
and a deep, booming voice
intoned,
"HEEEEEEEE'S RIIIIIIIGHT!"
The minister put his hands on
his hips, turned to the
other three, and said,
"Well?!"
"So," shrugged one of the other ministers, "now it's 3 to 2."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: The
Vicar's Salary (S578b)
From: hellgunner50 on 2/7/2008
(See 'Mailman's
Last Day' in Mailman)
The local Vicar explains that
he must move on to a larger
congregation that will pay him
more.
There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to
leave. Mike Smith, who
owns several car dealerships in the
area, stands up and proclaims:
"If the Vicar stays, I will
provide him with a new Holden
every year and his wife with
a Honda mini-van to transport
their children!"
The congregation sighs in appreciation
and applauds. Sam
Brown, a successful entrepreneur
and publican, stands and
says, if the Vicar will stay
on here, I'll personally double
his salary, and establish a
foundation to guarantee private
secondary school education of
his children!"
More sighs and loud applause.
Agnes Jones, age 88, stands
and announces with a smile,
if the Vicar stays, I will give
him sex."
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks
her: "Mrs. Jones, whatever
possessed you to say that?"
Agnes's 90-year old husband,
Joe, is now trying to hide,
holding his forehead with the
palm of his hand and shaking
his head from side to side,
while his wife replies: "Well,
I just asked my husband how
we could help, and he said,
"F### the Vicar."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Preaching
About Horseback Riding (S567)
From: rfslick on 11/29/2007
(Also see 'Minister
Gives A Talk About Sex' in Preacher
and 'Irish
Toast Masters' Club in Irish2)
It was Saturday night and the
preacher still hadn't been
able to think of a sermon for
the next morning. About 9 PM
he finally said to his wife,
'Dear, I think I've come up]
with the perfect sermon.
I'm going to give a sermon about
horseback riding.'
She said, 'Don't be silly.
You can't give a sermon about
horseback riding.'
He replied, 'Well, it's going
to have to do because I've
preached on just about every
other subject I can think of.'
The next morning as they were
driving to church, she said,
'I can't believe that you're
insisting on doing this. You
know, if you're going to give
that silly sermon on horseback
riding, I'm just going to stay
in the car during the service.'
He said, 'OK, then, suit yourself,' so she stayed in the car.
Entering church, the preacher
had a sudden inspiration and
gave a hell-fire and brimstone
sermon on SEX that had the
congregation in awe. As
the congregation filed out of the
church, some of the members
saw his wife sitting in the car
and approached her. One
of them said, 'Wow! You just missed
the best sermon your husband
has ever given.
She said, 'Yeah, right!
What does he know about it? He
talks big, but he's only tried
it twice in his life. Once
before we were married and once
after, and he fell off both
times!'
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: The
Preacher's Son (S557b)
From: AFine963 on 9/21/2007
An old country preacher had a
teenage son, and it was
getting time the boy should
give some thought to choosing
a profession. Like many
young men, the boy didn't really
know what he wanted to do, and
he didn't seem too concerned
about it.
One day, while the boy was away
at school, his father decided
to try an experiment.
He went into the boy's room and placed
four objects on his study table:
a Bible, a silver dollar, a
bottle of whiskey and a Playboy
magazine. "I'll just hide
behind the door," the old preacher
said to himself, "when he
comes home from school this
afternoon, I'll see which object
he picks up. If it's the
Bible, he's going to be a preacher
like me, and what a blessing
that would be! If he picks up
the dollar, he's going to be
a businessman, and that would
be okay, too. But if he
picks up the bottle, he's going to
be a no-good drunkard, and,
Lord, what a shame that would be.
And worst of all, if he picks
up that magazine he's gonna be
a skirt-chasin' bum."
The old man waited anxiously,
and soon heard his son's foot-
steps as he entered the house
whistling and headed for his
room. The boy tossed his
books on the bed, and as he turned
to leave the room he spotted
the objects on the table. With
curiosity in his eye, he walked
over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible
and placed it under his arm.
He picked up the silver dollar
and dropped it into his pocket.
He uncorked the bottle and took
a big drink while he admired
this month's Centerfold.
"Lord have mercy," the old preacher
disgustedly whispered,
"he's gonna run for Congress!
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Minister
Parks Illegally (S543)
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 6/9/2007
A minister parked his car in
a no-parking zone in a large
city because he was short of
time and couldn't find a space
with a meter. Then he
put a note under the windshield
wiper that read: "I have circled
the block 10 times. If I
don't park here, I'll miss my
appointment. Forgive us our
trespasses."
When he returned, he found a
citation from a police officer
along with this note "I've circled
this block for 10 years.
If I don't give you a ticket
I'll lose my job. Lead us not
into temptation."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Minister's
First Funeral (S470b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/17/2006
As a young minister, I was asked
by a funeral director to
hold a grave side service for
a derelict man who had died
while traveling through the
area with no family or friends.
The funeral was held way back
in the country. This man
would be the first to be laid
to rest at this cemetery. As
I was not familiar with the
backwoods area, I became lost.
Being the typical man I didn't
stop for directions. But I
finally arrived an hour late,
I saw the crew and backhoe,
but the hearse was no where
in sight.
The workmen were eating lunch.
I apologized to the workers for
my tardiness, (who looked
puzzled) I stepped to the side
of the open grave, to find
the vault lid already in place.
I assured the workers I
would not hold them long, but
this was the proper thing to
do.
As the workers gathered around,
still eating their lunch.
I poured out my heart and soul.
As I preached the workers
began to say "Amen,. Praise
the Lord and Glory, (they must
have been Baptist). I
preached, and I preached, like I'd
never preached before.
I began from Genesis all the way
to Revelation. I preached
for two hours and 45 minutes.
It was a long and lengthy service.
I closed in prayer and
it was finished.
As I was walking to my car, I
felt that I had done my duty
and would leave with a renewed
sense of purpose and dedica-
tion, in spite of my tardiness.
As I was opening the door and
taking off my coat. I over-
heard one of the workers saying
to another. I've been
putting in septic tanks for
20 years, and I ain't never
seen anything like this before.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
| Subj:
The Energy Non-Crisis (S582)
From: rfslick on 3/18/2008 Photo
from Yahoo!
Videos...
|
 |
Lindsey Williams talks about
his first hand knowledge of
Alaskan oil reserves larger
than any on earth. Lindsey
talks about how the oil companies
and U.S. government won't
send it through the pipeline
for U.S. citizens to use. The
video is long, but well worth
seeing at the above source.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
 |
More religious smileys from
Smiley_Central |