Subj: Preacher-Supp Jokes
(Includes 10 jokes and articles, 14 1083n,3,cL2f,vXT3,3)
Subj: Frank And Ernest Cartoon (S652n)
By Bob Thaves on 7/6/2009
Subj: Minister Buys Gas (S727)
From: firstname.lastname@example.org on 12/22/2010
A minister waited in line to
have his car filled with gas
just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked
quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front
of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned
him toward a vacant pump.
"Sorry about the delay.
It seems as if everyone waits
until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know
what you mean. It's the
same in my business."
Who Looked Like Conway Twitty
From: darrellvip on 1/28/2008 (S577c,2 files)
Conway Twitty photo from Die-Rock-And-Roll-Ag.de...
The new Texas preacher was a
dead ringer for Conway Twitty,
the country music singer. One day he decided to visit some
of the church members who hadn't been to service lately.
He went to the first lady's house
and knocked on the door.
When she answered the door, she said, 'Conway Twitty!'
'No ma'am,' he replied. 'I'm
your new pastor, and I came
to have prayer with you.' So she said come right on in.
He visited several more homes,
and everyone thought he was
Then he came to a young widow
woman's house on the end of
the street. She was taking a shower at the time, so she
just wrapped a towel around her and opened the door.
When she saw her caller, she
threw up her hands - which
allowed the towel to fall to the floor. 'Oh my God!' she
exclaimed. 'It's Conway Twitty!'
And the preacher said...........
You can listen to Conway Twitty's
by clicking on the speaker.
You can listen to a medley of
Conway Twiddy songs
as an MP3 web page by clicking on the speaker.
Subj: Four Ministers Argue (S588b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/25/2008
The story goes that four ministers
had a series of
theological arguments, and three were always in accord
against the fourth.
One day, the odd minister out,
after the usual "3 to 1
majority rules" statement that signified that he had lost
again, decided to appeal to a *higher* authority.
"Oh, Lord!" he cried. "I know
in my heart that I am right
and they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to
It was a beautiful, sunny day.
As soon as the minister
finished his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky
above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved.
"A sign from God! See, I'm right,
I knew it!" But the
other three disagreed, pointing out that storm clouds
form on hot days.
So the minister prayed again:
"Oh, God, I need a bigger sign
to show that I am right
and they are wrong. So please, Lord, a bigger sign!"
This time four storm clouds appeared,
rushed toward each
other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning
slammed into a tree on a nearby hill.
"I told you I was right!" cried
the minister, but his
friends insisted that nothing had happened that could
not be explained by natural causes.
The minister was getting ready
to ask for a *very big*
sign, but just as he said, "Oh God...," the sky turned
pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice
The minister put his hands on
his hips, turned to the
other three, and said,
"So," shrugged one of the other ministers, "now it's 3 to 2."
Subj: The Vicar's Salary (S578b)
From: hellgunner50 on 2/7/2008
(See 'Mailman's Last Day' in Mailman)
The local Vicar explains that
he must move on to a larger
congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to
leave. Mike Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the
area, stands up and proclaims: "If the Vicar stays, I will
provide him with a new Holden every year and his wife with
a Honda mini-van to transport their children!"
The congregation sighs in appreciation
and applauds. Sam
Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and
says, if the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double
his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee private
secondary school education of his children!"
More sighs and loud applause.
Agnes Jones, age 88, stands
and announces with a smile, if the Vicar stays, I will give
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks
her: "Mrs. Jones, whatever
possessed you to say that?"
Agnes's 90-year old husband,
Joe, is now trying to hide,
holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking
his head from side to side, while his wife replies: "Well,
I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said,
"F### the Vicar."
The Energy Non-Crisis (S582)
From: rfslick on 3/18/2008
Photo from Yahoo! Videos
Lindsey Williams talks about
his first hand knowledge of
Alaskan oil reserves larger than any on earth. Lindsey
talks about how the oil companies and U.S. government won't
send it through the pipeline for U.S. citizens to use. The
video is long, but well worth seeing at the above source.
The video is in eight segments.
Subj: Preaching About Horseback Riding (S567)
From: rfslick on 11/29/2007
(Also see 'Minister
Gives A Talk About Sex' in Preacher
and 'Irish Toast Masters' Club in Irish2)
It was Saturday night and the
preacher still hadn't been
able to think of a sermon for the next morning. About 9 PM
he finally said to his wife, 'Dear, I think I've come up]
with the perfect sermon. I'm going to give a sermon about
She said, 'Don't be silly.
You can't give a sermon about
He replied, 'Well, it's going
to have to do because I've
preached on just about every other subject I can think of.'
The next morning as they were
driving to church, she said,
'I can't believe that you're insisting on doing this. You
know, if you're going to give that silly sermon on horseback
riding, I'm just going to stay in the car during the service.'
He said, 'OK, then, suit yourself,' so she stayed in the car.
Entering church, the preacher
had a sudden inspiration and
gave a hell-fire and brimstone sermon on SEX that had the
congregation in awe. As the congregation filed out of the
church, some of the members saw his wife sitting in the car
and approached her. One of them said, 'Wow! You just missed
the best sermon your husband has ever given.
She said, 'Yeah, right!
What does he know about it? He
talks big, but he's only tried it twice in his life. Once
before we were married and once after, and he fell off both
Subj: The Preacher's Son (S557b)
From: AFine963 on 9/21/2007
An old country preacher had a
teenage son, and it was
getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing
a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really
know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned
One day, while the boy was away
at school, his father decided
to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed
four objects on his study table: a Bible, a silver dollar, a
bottle of whiskey and a Playboy magazine. "I'll just hide
behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, "when he
comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object
he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher
like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up
the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would
be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to
be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be.
And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna be
a skirt-chasin' bum."
The old man waited anxiously,
and soon heard his son's foot-
steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his
room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned
to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With
curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible
and placed it under his arm.
He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket.
He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired
this month's Centerfold.
"Lord have mercy," the old preacher
"he's gonna run for Congress!
Subj: Minister Parks Illegally (S543)
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 6/9/2007
A minister parked his car in
a no-parking zone in a large
city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space
with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield
wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I
don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our
When he returned, he found a
citation from a police officer
along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years.
If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not
Subj: Minister's First Funeral (S470b, S729)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/17/2006
(Also see 'Bagpiper At A Pauper's Funeral' in Funeral-supp)
As a young minister, I was asked
by a funeral director to
hold a grave side service for a derelict man who had died
while traveling through the area with no family or friends.
The funeral was held way back in the country. This man
would be the first to be laid to rest at this cemetery. As
I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost.
Being the typical man I didn't stop for directions. But I
finally arrived an hour late, I saw the crew and backhoe,
but the hearse was no where in sight.
The workmen were eating lunch.
I apologized to the workers for
my tardiness, (who looked
puzzled) I stepped to the side of the open grave, to find
the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I
would not hold them long, but this was the proper thing to
As the workers gathered around,
still eating their lunch.
I poured out my heart and soul. As I preached the workers
began to say "Amen,. Praise the Lord and Glory, (they must
have been Baptist). I preached, and I preached, like I'd
never preached before. I began from Genesis all the way
to Revelation. I preached for two hours and 45 minutes.
It was a long and lengthy service. I closed in prayer and
it was finished.
As I was walking to my car, I
felt that I had done my duty
and would leave with a renewed sense of purpose and dedica-
tion, in spite of my tardiness.
As I was opening the door and
taking off my coat, I over-
heard one of the workers saying to another. I've been
putting in septic tanks for 20 years, and I ain't never
seen anything like this before.