Subj: Ball (testicles)
(Includes 26 jokes and articles, 03681n,8)
S & M cartoon
from
Animated Gifs Maniac
| >>>
Subj: Ball (testicles) (Includes 26 jokes and articles, 03681n,8) |
|
S & M cartoon from Animated Gifs Maniac |
Also see A_CHINESE
- 'Chinese
Torture'
ALIEN file - 'Two
Aliens Talk'
CAMEL file - 'Camel
Balls'
CATS1 file - 'Here
Kitty, Kitty...Kitty'
COWBOY2 file - 'Bull
Riding - Cartoon'
DOCTOR1 file - 'John
Asks To Be Castrated'
......................-
'Man
Is Castrated'
DOCTOR2 file - 'Patient's
Ball Turnes Blue'
DOCTOR3 file - 'Woman
Given Testosterone'
DWARF file - 'Midget
Cowboy's Balls Ache'
ELDERLY2 - 'Man
Has Face Lift'
ENGLISHMAN - 'British
Soldiers Return From Falkland'
FARMER1 file - 'Farm
Boy, His Gal And His Rope'
FOOTBALL file- 'New
England Patriots & Mountain Oysters'
FROG file - 'Freak
Accident After Frog Fishing'
GOLF2 file - 'Tiger
Woods Stops For Gas'
HOSPITAL1 - 'Nurse
Checks Testicles'
......................-
'Man
Farts During Surgery'
JOBS2 file - 'Tickle-Me-Elmo
Modification'
.........JOBS3
file - 'Worker's
Favorite Sports'
LAWYER2 file - 'Boy
Chokes On A Quarter'
MARRIAGE4 - 'A
Woman's Trophy Of Divorce'
MAILMAN-ETC - 'Applying
For Work At The Post Office'
NAT-American - 'The
Story Of Onestone'
PLANE1 file - 'Man
Goes To Bathroom On A Plane'
PENIS1 file - (See all files)
PENIS2 file - (See all files)
PENIS3 file - (See all files)
POLIT-BUSH - 'Bush
And Sharon Have Dinner'
SAILOR-MARINE- 'Military
Balls'
SOLDIER2 file- 'Three
Generals Retire'
TAXES file - 'IRS
And Tax Collecting'
WAITER-WTRESS- 'Little
Old Man Orders Banana Split'
============================================================Top
| Subj:
SNL Schweaty Balls (S482)
From: darrell94590 on 4/17/2006 |
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You can view this Saturday Night
Live skit on my web site
by clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: Family
Jewels (S601c)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/16/2008
Chatting with my mother-in-law,
I asked, "Have you heard of
this company that takes the
cremated ashes of your loved
one and then compresses the
carbon into a diamond?"
"Yes," she said, smirking. "It
brings a whole new meaning to
the phrase 'family jewels.'"
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Subj: Two
Men Have Vasectomies (S306)
From: JBCARY1 on 12/9/2002
Two men are in the doctor's office
waiting to get vasectomies.
A nurse comes in and asks the
men to strip and put on their
medical gowns while they wait
for the doctor.
Minutes later she comes back,
reaches under one man's gown
and begins to masturbate him.
Shocked, he says, "My God,
what are you doing?" to which
she replies, "We have to
vacate the sperm from your system
in order to have a clean
procedure." Not wanting
to cause a problem, the man
relaxes and enjoys it as she
completes her task.
The second man watches all of
this and by the time the
nurse turns to him, he is quite
ready. To his surprise,
she drops to her knees, and
proceeds to give him a blow
job.
The first man says, "Hey, what
is this? How come I get
a hand job, and he gets a blow
job?"
The nurse says, "That, sir, is
the difference between an
HMO and Blue Cross."
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Subj:
So... You Think YOU'VE Got balls? (S642c)
From: darrellvip on 4/12/2009 |
Click 'HERE' to see this unusual movie.
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Subj: A Golfer
And His Balls (S250)
From: JBCARY1 on 11/13/2001
and
From: Orlando Sentinel
Based on a bet by the other members
of his threesome, Everett
Sanchez tried to wash his own
"balls" in a ball washer at the
local golf course. Proving
once again that beer and testos-
terone are a bad mix.
Sanchez managed to straddle the
ball washer and dangle his
scrotum in the machine.
Much to his dismay, one of his
buddies upped the ante by spinning
the crank on the machine
with Sanchez's scrotum in place,
thus wedging them solidly
in the mechanism. Sanchez,
who immediately passed his
threshold of pain, collapsed
and tumbled from his perch.
Unfortunately for Sanchez, the
height of the ball washer
was more than a foot higher
off the ground than his
testicles are in a normal stance,
and the scrotum was the
weakest link. Sanchez's
scrotum was ripped open during
the fall, and one testicle was
plucked from him forever
and remained in the ball washer,
while the other testicle
was compressed and flattened
as it was pulled between the
housing of the washer, and the
rotating machinery inside.
To add insult to injury, Sanchez
broke a new $300 driver
that he had just purchased from
the pro shop, and was
using to balance himself.
Sanchez was rushed to the
hospital for surgery, and the
remaining two were asked to
leave the course.
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Subj: Woman
Ties Ribbon To Scrotum (S64, S557b)
From: humorlist-digest V1 #214 on 97-10-05
and
From: ginafm on 9/18/2007
A woman was having a terrible
time sleeping. Her large dog,
which slept in the bedroom with
her and her husband, snored
like a buzz saw. She contacted
the Vet who told her of an
old remedy that was handed down
to him by an old Southern
lady. He said when the
dog began to snore, tie a ribbon
around the dog's testicles.
Hoping for a good night sleep,
she looked into her sewing kit
and found a short piece of red
ribbon and placed it on the
night stand. When the
dog began to snore she got up and
delicately tied the red ribbon
around the dog's testicles.
The dog immediately stopped
snoring and stayed asleep.
Amazing she thought, and quickly
went back to sleep.
Later that evening, her husband
came home from a night out
with the boys, stumbled into
the bedroom and after undressing,
flopped into bed. He immediately
began to snore loudly,
waking his wife. She reasoned
that if it worked for the dog,
maybe it would work for her
husband. She got up and went to
her sewing kit where she found
a length of blue ribbon.
Quietly and softly she tied
the ribbon around her husbands
testicles and he immediately
quit snoring. She was amazed
again and promptly returned
to sleep.
The next morning the husband
awoke with a terrible hangover
and as he stepped into the bathroom
to relieve himself. As
he stands in front of the toilet,
he glances in the mirror
and sees a blue ribbon attached
to his privates. He is very
confused, and as he walks back
into the bedroom, he sees the
red ribbon attached to his dog's
testicles. He shakes his
head and looks at the dog and
whispers, "I don't know where
we were ...or what we did ...but,
by God ...We took FIRST
and SECOND place."
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| Subj:
Willie Barcena's Ball Sparkles (S650)
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/16/2009 |
 |
This fake commercial by the comedian,
Willie Barcena
is cute and funny. Click
on the above source, or
'HERE'
for my copy, to see this video.
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Subj: Cojones
(S289, S459b)
From: flovilla on 8/9/2002
and
From: darrell94590 on 11/8/2005
A man travels to Spain and goes
to Pamplona during the great
"running of the Bulls" festival.
After his first day there,
he goes out late for dinner
at a restuarant in the center of
the town. He orders the
house special and he is brought a
plate, with potatoes, corn,
and two large meaty objects.
"What's this?" he asked.
"Cojones, senor," the waiter replied.
"What are cojones," Joe asked.
"Cojones," the waiter explained,
"are the testicles of the
bull who lost at the arena this
afternoon."
At first the man was disgusted,
but being both adventurous
and very hungry, he decided
to try this local delicacy. To
his amazement, it was quite
delicious. In fact, it was so
good he decided to return the
next night and order it again.
This time, the waiter brought
out the plate, but the meaty
objects were much smaller.
"Hey, what's this?" Joe asked the waiter.
"Cojones, senor," the waiter replied.
"No way," Joe protested.
"I had cojones yesterday and they
were much bigger than these."
"Senor," the waiter explained, "the bull does not always lose."
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Subj: Mouse
Balls
From Wyatt's Joke Page on 6/7/97
Sent along from someone stationed in the Pentagon:
From "The Wahington Monthly," January/February 1991, page 24:
This is an actual alert to IBM
Field Engineers that went out
to all IBM Branch Offices.
The person who wrote it was very
serious. The rest of us
guys find it rather funny.
Abstract: Mouse Balls Available
as FRU (Field Replacement
Unit)
Mouse balls are now available
as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse
fails to operate or should it
perform erratically, it may
need a ball replacement.
Because of the delicate nature of
this procedure, replacement
of mouse balls should only be
attempted by properly trained
personnel.
Before proceeding, determine
the type of mouse balls, by
examining the underside of the
mouse. Domestic balls will
be larger and harder than foreign
balls.
Ball removal procedures differ
depending upon manufacturer
of the mouse. Foreign
balls can be replaced using the pop-
off method. Domestic balls are
replaced using the twist-off
method. Mouse balls are
not usually static sensitive.
However, excessive handling
can result in sudden discharge.
Upon completion of ball replacement,
the mouse may be used
immediately, or at your next
convenience.
It is recommended that each replacer
have a pair of spare
balls for maintaining optimum
customer statisfaction, and
that any customer missing his
balls should suspect local
personnel of removing these
necessary items.
To reorder, specify one of the following:
P/N 33f8426 - Domestic Balls
P/N 33f8421 - Foreign Balls
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Subj: Lobsters
In The Pants (S479b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/27/2006
Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20060325
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Subj: Scrotum
Self-Repair (S58)
From: TNKRTEACH on 97-04-29
WARNING: Don't read this
if you are upset easily by
gory details.
-----
UNUSUAL CASE -- BY WILLIAM A.
MORTON, JR, MD
(as publised in MEDICAL ASPECTS
OF HUMAN SEXUALITY, July 1991)
Scrotum Self-Repair
One morning I was called to
the emergency room by the head
ER nurse. She directed
me to a patient who had refused to
describe his problem othen than
to say that he "needed a
doctor who took care of men's
troubles." The patient, about
40, was pale, febrile, and obviously
uncomfortable, and had
little to say as he gingerly
opened his trousers to expose
a bit of angry red and black-and-blue
scrotal skin.
After I asked the nurse to leave
us, the patient permitted
me to remove his trousers, shorts,
and two or three yards
of foul-smelling stained gauze
wrapped about his scrotum,
which was swollen to twice the
size of a grapefruit and
extremely tender. A jagged
zig-zag laceration, oozing pus
and blood, extended down the
left scrotum.
Amid the matted hair, edematous
skin, and various exudates,
I saw some half-buried dark
linear objects and asked the
patient what they were.
Several days earlier, he replied,
he had injured himself in the
machine shop where he worked,
and had closed the laceration
himself with a heavy-duty
stapling gun. The dark objects
were one-inch staples of the
type used in putting up wallboard.
We x-rayed the patient's scrotum
to locate the staples;
admitted him to the hospital;
and gave him tetanus antitoxin,
broad-spectrum antibacterial
therapy, and hexachlorophene
sitz baths prior to surgery
the next morning. The procedure
consisted of exploration and
debridement of the left side of
the scrotal pouch. Eight
rusty staples were retrieved, and
the skin edges were trimmed
and freshened. The left testis
had been avulsed and was missing.
The stump of the spermatic
cord was recovered at the inguinal
canal, debrided, and the
vessels ligated properly, though
not much of a hematoma was
present. Through-and-through
Penrose drains were sutured
loosely in site, and the skin
was loosely closed.
Convalescence was uneventful,
and before his release from
the hospital less than a week
later, the patient confided
the rest of his story to me.
An unmarried loner, he usually
didn't leave the machine shop
at lunchtime with his co-
workers. Finding himself
alone, he had begun the practice
of masturbating by holding his
penis against the canvas
belt-drive of a large floor-based
piece
of running machinery.
One day, as he approached orgasm,
he lost his concentration
and leaned too close to the
belt. When his scrotum suddenly
became caught between the pulley-wheel
and the drive-belt,
he was thrown into the air and
landed a few feet away.
Unaware that he had lost his
left testis, and perhaps too
stunned to feel much pain, he
stapled the wound closed and
resumed work. I can only
assume he abandoned this method
of self-gratification.
And men think *women* are dumb!!!!
(William A. Morton is a retired
urologist residing in West
Chester, Pennsylvania.)
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Subj: Short
Ball Jokes
Top
Subj: Rubbing
Balls After Sex (S666)
From: sam.hutkins on 9/10/2009
Source: http://www.ronn.com/jokes1.html
A guy and a girl are laying
in bed after sex. The guy
wonders why the girl is always
rubbing his balls after.
The guy finally asks, "Why are
you always rubbing my
balls after sex?" The girl says,
"Because I miss mine."
| Subj:
Matador Has A Bad Day (S612b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/29/2008 Source: http://www.buffaloschips.com/30718.htm |
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Top
Subj: Ball
Air Conditioner (S249b)
From: jerry on 11/6/2001
A German scientist has invented
an air conditioning system
for men's underpants to cool
the testicles to at least 1
degree Celsius below body temperature,
claiming that it
improves male fertility.
A fan is clipped onto a belt
around the waist and air is
pumped through tubes leading
to the groin to cool the area.
Ananova 4-Nov-01
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Subj:
Holland Man Castrated In Hospital (S514c)
From: jbcary1 on 11/21/2006 |
Top
Subj: Wife
Rips Out Husbands Ball (S296)
From: jerry on 10/1/2002
''I love that girl. That's
my heart, my soul, and that's
my better half. I told
the (District Attorney) the other
day I'm not prosecuting her.''
Comment made by a Nashville man,
in response to being asked
why he is still living with
the woman who ripped out one of
his testicles with her fingernails
during a fit of anger.
The testicle was reattached. But for how long?
The Tennessean 1-Oct-02
| Subj:
Nut Bra - Movie (S483c)
From CrazyShit.com on 4/25/2006 |
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Top
Subj: Three-Year_old
Examines His Balls (S473b)
From: DoctorDebt on 2/5/2006
A three-year-old little boy
was examining his testicles
while taking a bath. "Mom,"
he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet," replied his mother
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Subj:
Song - Do Your Balls Hang Low? (S483b)
From: RBG Codex on 4/25/2006 Testicles from Yahoo Search |
Top
Subj: Man
Arrested For Sexual Assault (S287b)
From: jerry on 7/28/2002
An Australian man was arrested
on 24 counts of sexual assault.
It was found that he had his
testicles examined more than 300
times by mostly female doctors.
He said he needed to do this
to counter depression.
He would make up stories about
being hit in the groin so he
could get examinations at local
clinics.
The Independent (South Africa)
26-Jul-02
To "testify" was based on men
in the Roman court swearing
to a statement
made by swearing on their testicles.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #292 on 3/14/99
(S114)
This guy's in the rear of a
full elevator and he shouts,
"Ballroom please." A lady
standing in front of him turns
around and says, "I'm sorry,
I didn't realize I was
crowding you."
From: RFSlick on 8/25/2001 (S239)
Things you'll never hear a woman
say: "My, what an
attractive scrotum!" --
Patricia Arquette
Ah, yes, divorce... from the
Latin word meaning to rip out
a man's genitals through his
wallet. -- Robin Williams
From: dogbyte on 12/23/2001
That guy was so macho,....
He jogged home from his vasectomy.
From: dogbyte on 10/29/2002 (S300b)
A guy walks into the psychiatrist
wearing nothing but a
pair of shorts made from plastic
wrap. The psychiatrist
says, "Well,... I can clearly
see you're nuts!"
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 6/12/2001
(S229)
Q: What has six balls and screws
people?
A: Lotto!
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Two Smileys Kiss from
Smiliemania.da |