Subj: Ball (testicles)
(Includes 30 jokes and articles, 19885n,11,no ads,md4v,9)
S & M cartoon
Animated Gifs Maniac
Also see A_CHINESE
ALIEN file - 'Two Aliens Talk'
CAMEL file - 'Camel Balls'
CATS1 file - 'Here Kitty, Kitty...Kitty'
CHURCH-SUPP - 'Answered Prayers'
COWBOY2 file - 'Bull Riding - Cartoon'
DOCTOR1 file - 'John Asks To Be Castrated'
......................- 'Man Is Castrated'
DOCTOR2 file - 'Patient's Ball Turnes Blue'
DOCTOR3 file - 'Woman Given Testosterone'
DOG-SUPP2 - 'Bizarro Cartoon'
DWARF file - 'Midget Cowboy's Balls Ache'
ELDERLY2 - 'Man Has Face Lift'
ENGLISHMAN - 'British Soldiers Return From Falkland'
FARMER1 file - 'Farm Boy, His Gal And His Rope'
FOOD_ETC-SUPP- 'Wings Etc's Ad For Blazin' Balls' - Video
FOOTBALL file- 'New England Patriots & Mountain Oysters'
FROG file - 'Freak Accident After Frog Fishing'
GOLF2 file - 'Tiger Woods Stops For Gas'
HOSPITAL1 - 'Nurse Checks Testicles'
......................- 'Man Farts During Surgery'
JOBS2 file - 'Tickle-Me-Elmo Modification'
.........JOBS3 file - 'Worker's Favorite Sports'
LAWYER2 file - 'Boy Chokes On A Quarter'
MARRIAGE4 - 'A Woman's Trophy Of Divorce'
MAILMAN-ETC - 'Applying For Work At The Post Office'
NAT-American - 'The Story Of Onestone'
PLANE1 file - 'Man Goes To Bathroom On A Plane'
PENIS1 file - (See all files)
PENIS2 file - (See all files)
PENIS3 file - (See all files)
POLIT-BUSH - 'Bush And Sharon Have Dinner'
SAILOR-MARINE- 'Military Balls'
SOLDIER2 file- 'Three Generals Retire'
TAXES file - 'IRS And Tax Collecting'
WAITER-WTRESS- 'Little Old Man Orders Banana Split'
Subj: Kicked In Balls Vs Child Birth (S820)
From: AFine963 on 9/26/2012
I mowed the lawn today, and after
doing so I sat down and
had a couple nice cold beers. The day was really quite
beautiful, and the brew facilitated some deep thinking on
Finally I thought about an age
old question: Is giving
birth more painful than getting kicked in the Nuts?
Women always maintain that giving
birth is way more painful
than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another beer, and
some heavy deductive thinking,
I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting
kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and
here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth,
a woman will often say,
"it might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never
hear a guy say, "You know, I
think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
Wash Your Balls!! Axe Commercial (S713d)
From: RDobry on 9/12/2010
Photo from YouTube.com
Axe is a brand of male grooming
products consisting of body
sprays, deodorants, antiperspirants, shower gels and hair
products. This commercial about washing balls is crude,
cute, and sexy. Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for
my copy, to see these sports balls be washed.
Subj: Two Men Have Vasectomies (S306)
From: JBCARY1 on 12/9/2002
Two men are in the doctor's office
waiting to get vasectomies.
A nurse comes in and asks the men to strip and put on their
medical gowns while they wait for the doctor.
Minutes later she comes back,
reaches under one man's gown
and begins to masturbate him. Shocked, he says, "My God,
what are you doing?" to which she replies, "We have to
vacate the sperm from your system in order to have a clean
procedure." Not wanting to cause a problem, the man
relaxes and enjoys it as she completes her task.
The second man watches all of
this and by the time the
nurse turns to him, he is quite ready. To his surprise,
she drops to her knees, and proceeds to give him a blow
The first man says, "Hey, what
is this? How come I get
a hand job, and he gets a blow job?"
The nurse says, "That, sir, is
the difference between an
HMO and Blue Cross."
SNL Schweddy Balls (S482d)
From: darrell94590 on 4/17/2006
Ana Gasteyer and Molly Shannon
host a series of sketches
on Saturday Night Live called 'The Delicious Dish.' In
this sketch originally aired on December 12, 1998, Alec
Baldwin plays Pete Schweddy. Pete makes a Christmas treat
called 'Schweddy Balls.' Click on the top source, or
'HERE' for my copy, to see this crude, cute, and funny skit.
Subj: Family Jewels (S601c)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/16/2008
Chatting with my mother-in-law,
I asked, "Have you heard of
this company that takes the cremated ashes of your loved
one and then compresses the carbon into a diamond?"
"Yes," she said, smirking. "It
brings a whole new meaning to
the phrase 'family jewels.'"
So... You Think YOU'VE Got balls?
on 4/12/2009 (S642c,d)
to see this unusual video of a native with
very large balls.
Subj: A Golfer And His Balls (S250)
From: JBCARY1 on 11/13/2001
and From: Orlando Sentinel
Based on a bet by the other members
of his threesome, Everett
Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the
local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testos-
terone are a bad mix.
Sanchez managed to straddle the
ball washer and dangle his
scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his
buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine
with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly
in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his
threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch.
Unfortunately for Sanchez, the
height of the ball washer
was more than a foot higher off the ground than his
testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the
weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during
the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever
and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle
was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the
housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside.
To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300 driver
that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was
using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the
hospital for surgery, and the remaining two were asked to
leave the course.
Subj: Cat Prevents A House Fire - Painting (S885d)
From: bill7808 on 12/16/2013
Subj: Woman Ties Ribbon To Scrotum (S64, S557b)
From: humorlist-digest V1 #214 on 97-10-05
and From: ginafm on 9/18/2007
(See 'The Drunken Scotsman With Lyrics' in Scottish)
A woman was having a terrible
time sleeping. Her large dog,
which slept in the bedroom with her and her husband, snored
like a buzz saw. She contacted the Vet who told her of an
old remedy that was handed down to him by an old Southern
lady. He said when the dog began to snore, tie a ribbon
around the dog's testicles.
Hoping for a good night sleep,
she looked into her sewing kit
and found a short piece of red ribbon and placed it on the
night stand. When the dog began to snore she got up and
delicately tied the red ribbon around the dog's testicles.
The dog immediately stopped snoring and stayed asleep.
Amazing she thought, and quickly went back to sleep.
Later that evening, her husband
came home from a night out
with the boys, stumbled into the bedroom and after undressing,
flopped into bed. He immediately began to snore loudly,
waking his wife. She reasoned that if it worked for the dog,
maybe it would work for her husband. She got up and went to
her sewing kit where she found a length of blue ribbon.
Quietly and softly she tied the ribbon around her husbands
testicles and he immediately quit snoring. She was amazed
again and promptly returned to sleep.
The next morning the husband
awoke with a terrible hangover
and as he stepped into the bathroom to relieve himself. As
he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror
and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very
confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the
red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles. He shakes his
head and looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where
we were ...or what we did ...but, by God ...We took FIRST
and SECOND place."
Willie Barcena's Ball Sparkles (S650d)
This fake commercial by the comedian,
is cute and funny. Click on either of the sources, or
'HERE' for my copy, to see this video.
Subj: Cojones (S289, S459b)
From: flovilla on 8/9/2002
and From: darrell94590 on 11/8/2005
A man travels to Spain and goes
to Pamplona during the great
"running of the Bulls" festival. After his first day there,
he goes out late for dinner at a restuarant in the center of
the town. He orders the house special and he is brought a
plate, with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects.
"What's this?" he asked.
"Cojones, senor," the waiter replied.
"What are cojones," Joe asked.
"Cojones," the waiter explained,
"are the testicles of the
bull who lost at the arena this afternoon."
At first the man was disgusted,
but being both adventurous
and very hungry, he decided to try this local delicacy. To
his amazement, it was quite delicious. In fact, it was so
good he decided to return the next night and order it again.
This time, the waiter brought
out the plate, but the meaty
objects were much smaller.
"Hey, what's this?" Joe asked the waiter.
"Cojones, senor," the waiter replied.
"No way," Joe protested.
"I had cojones yesterday and they
were much bigger than these."
"Senor," the waiter explained, "the bull does not always lose."
Subj: Mouse Balls
From Wyatt's Joke Page on 6/7/97
Sent along from someone stationed in the Pentagon:
From "The Wahington Monthly," January/February 1991, page 24:
This is an actual alert to IBM
Field Engineers that went out
to all IBM Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very
serious. The rest of us guys find it rather funny.
Abstract: Mouse Balls Available
as FRU (Field Replacement
Mouse balls are now available
as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse
fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may
need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of
this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be
attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine
the type of mouse balls, by
examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will
be larger and harder than foreign balls.
Ball removal procedures differ
depending upon manufacturer
of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-
off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist-off
method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive.
However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.
Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used
immediately, or at your next convenience.
It is recommended that each replacer
have a pair of spare
balls for maintaining optimum customer statisfaction, and
that any customer missing his balls should suspect local
personnel of removing these necessary items.
To reorder, specify one of the following:
P/N 33f8426 - Domestic Balls
P/N 33f8421 - Foreign Balls
Subj: Lobsters In The Pants (S479b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/27/2006
Subj: Scrotum Self-Repair (S58)
From: TNKRTEACH on 97-04-29
WARNING: Don't read this
if you are upset easily by
UNUSUAL CASE -- BY WILLIAM A.
MORTON, JR, MD
(as publised in MEDICAL ASPECTS OF HUMAN SEXUALITY, July 1991)
One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head
ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to
describe his problem othen than to say that he "needed a
doctor who took care of men's troubles." The patient, about
40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had
little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose
a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.
After I asked the nurse to leave
us, the patient permitted
me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards
of foul-smelling stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum,
which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and
extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus
and blood, extended down the left scrotum.
Amid the matted hair, edematous
skin, and various exudates,
I saw some half-buried dark linear objects and asked the
patient what they were. Several days earlier, he replied,
he had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked,
and had closed the laceration himself with a heavy-duty
stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of the
type used in putting up wallboard.
We x-rayed the patient's scrotum
to locate the staples;
admitted him to the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin,
broad-spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexachlorophene
sitz baths prior to surgery the next morning. The procedure
consisted of exploration and debridement of the left side of
the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved, and
the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis
had been avulsed and was missing. The stump of the spermatic
cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the
vessels ligated properly, though not much of a hematoma was
present. Through-and-through Penrose drains were sutured
loosely in site, and the skin was loosely closed.
Convalescence was uneventful,
and before his release from
the hospital less than a week later, the patient confided
the rest of his story to me. An unmarried loner, he usually
didn't leave the machine shop at lunchtime with his co-
workers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the practice
of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas
belt-drive of a large floor-based piece of running machinery.
One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration
and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly
became caught between the pulley-wheel and the drive-belt,
he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away.
Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too
stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and
resumed work. I can only assume he abandoned this method
And men think *women* are dumb!!!!
(William A. Morton is a retired
urologist residing in West
Subj: Short Ball Jokes
Subj: Rubbing Balls After Sex (S666)
From: sam.hutkins on 9/10/2009
A guy and a girl are laying in bed after sex. The guy
wonders why the girl is always rubbing his balls after.
The guy finally asks, "Why are you always rubbing my
balls after sex?" The girl says, "Because I miss mine."
Mr. Bean Is Kicked In The Balls (S822d)
Subj: Ball Air Conditioner (S249b)
From: jerry on 11/6/2001
A German scientist has invented an air conditioning system
for men's underpants to cool the testicles to at least 1
degree Celsius below body temperature, claiming that it
improves male fertility.
A fan is clipped onto a belt
around the waist and air is
pumped through tubes leading to the groin to cool the area.
Holland Man Castrated In Hospital
From: jbcary1 on 11/21/2006
and From: darrelldre on 7/20/2012 (S514c, S810d)
Subj: Wife Rips Out Husbands Ball (S296)
From: jerry on 10/1/2002
''I love that girl. That's my heart, my soul, and that's
my better half. I told the (District Attorney) the other
day I'm not prosecuting her.''
Comment made by a Nashville man,
in response to being asked
why he is still living with the woman who ripped out one of
his testicles with her fingernails during a fit of anger.
The testicle was reattached. But for how long?
The Tennessean 1-Oct-02
Nut Bra - Video (S483c,d)
Subj: Three-Year_old Examines His Balls (S473b)
From: DoctorDebt on 2/5/2006
A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles
while taking a bath. "Mom," he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet," replied his mother
Song - Do Your Balls Hang Low? (S483b,d)
From: RBG Codex on 4/25/2006
Testicles from Yahoo Search
Subj: Man Arrested For Sexual Assault (S287b)
From: jerry on 7/28/2002
An Australian man was arrested on 24 counts of sexual assault.
It was found that he had his testicles examined more than 300
times by mostly female doctors. He said he needed to do this
to counter depression.
He would make up stories about
being hit in the groin so he
could get examinations at local clinics.
The Independent (South Africa)
Matador Has A Bad Day (S612b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/29/2008
To "testify" was based on men
in the Roman court swearing
to a statement made by swearing on their testicles.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #292 on 3/14/99
This guy's in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts,
"Ballroom please." A lady standing in front of him turns
around and says, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was
From: RFSlick on 8/25/2001 (S239)
Things you'll never hear a woman say: "My, what an
attractive scrotum!" -- Patricia Arquette
Ah, yes, divorce... from the
Latin word meaning to rip out
a man's genitals through his wallet. -- Robin Williams
From: dogbyte on 12/23/2001
That guy was so macho,....
He jogged home from his vasectomy.
From: dogbyte on 10/29/2002 (S300b)
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing nothing but a
pair of shorts made from plastic wrap. The psychiatrist
says, "Well,... I can clearly see you're nuts!"
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 6/12/2001
Q: What has six balls and screws people?