Subj: Condom Jokes
(Includes 61 jokes, 06 1082,19,no ads + L2,wXT6a,15)
Bulldog Sexy Animated Gifs
Also see BAR1 file
- 'Angry Man
Comes Into Bar'
BIRDS-DUCKS - 'A Duck Walks Into A Drugstore 1st Vers.'
......................- 'Two Ducks At A Restaurant'
CANADIAN file- 'Canadian And American Discuss Breakfast'
CARTOON file - 'Donald Duck and Minnie Mouse'
COWBOY file - 'New York Sorority Girl Visits Texas'
DENTIST file - 'How To Make Surgical Gloves'
DOCTOR-SUPP - 'Mother Consults Doctor About Daughter Dating'
FACTS5 file - 'African's Thoughts on Condoms And Aids'
FRENCH file - 'French And American Meet At Breakfast'
IRISH1 file - 'Irish, English, And Scotsman Discussing Their Wives'
JOBS file - 'Job Candidate Has A Facial Tick'
MANNERS file - 'Dear Abby - Wedding Preparations'
POLITICAL2 - 'New Republican Emblem'
.........PREACHER file- 'The Preacher's Wife Was Pregnant'
SEX3 file - 'Trojan Games'
SPERM file - 'News - Hormones in Semen'
TRACK file - 'Wife's Lover Runs Nude In Race'
......................- 'Olympic Condoms'
WEDDING-HNYMN- 'Retiree Goes On Honeymoon w/Showgirl'
Subj: Durex Condom Commercial (S633)
From: rfslick on 2/21/2009 (d-iFrame)
This condom commercial is very cute, and very funny.
Click 'HERE' to see these balloon animal animation.
Subj: Young Man's First Time (S419b, S700)
From: Tom on 6/12/2010
I recall my first time with a
condom, I was 16 or so. I went
in to buy a package of condoms. There was a beautiful woman
behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.
She handed me the package and
asked, if I knew how to wear
one. I honestly answered, "No."
So she unwrapped the package,
took one out and slipped over
She cautioned me to make sure
it was on tight and secure. I
apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around
the store. It was empty. She said, "Just a minute." And
walked to the door, and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into
the back room, unbuttoned
her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it
aside. She asked, "Do these excite you?" Well, I was so
dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head.
She then said, it was time to
slip the condom on. As I was
slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties
and laid down on a desk. "Well, come on", she said, "We
don't have much time."
So I climbed on her. It
was so wonderful, that unfortunately,
I could no longer hold back and POW, I was done within a few
She looked at me with a frown. "Did you put that condom on?"
I said, "I sure did."
And held up my thumb to show her.
French Condom Ad (S727 d-iFrame)
From: darrellvip on 12/20/2010
Only the French could get away
with a condom adver-
tisement like this. A lonely bathroom graffiti
penis has a much better time once he's wrapped up.
Click 'HERE' to see this very cute, animated condom ad.
Subj: A boy And His Father See Condoms In A Store
From: Bawdy.Net Collage on 11/3/2003 (S118, S353b)
A father and his son go into
the grocery store where they happen
upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so
many different boxes of condoms.
The father replies, "Well, you
see that 3 pack? That's for when
you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and one for
The son then asks his father, "Well what's the 6 pack for?"
The father replies, "Well that's
for when you're in college. You
have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday
Then the son asks his father
what the 12 pack is for. The father
replies, "Well that's for when you're married. You have one for
January, one for February, one for March......"
Ellen In A Trojan Commercial? (S898)
Posted by TheEllenShow(d-iFrame)
A viewer spotted something interesting
in this Trojan
commercial... that you would never expect!
Click 'HERE' to see this condom ad with Ellen.
Subj: Young Man Buys Some Condoms (S13, S635)
From: SHutch on Friday, April 04, 1997
and From: tom on 3/4/2009
A girl asks her boyfriend to
come over Friday night and
have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big
event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after
dinner, she would like to go out and have sex for the
first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never
had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to
get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about
an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know
about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist
asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack,
10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family
pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being
his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up
at the girls parents house
and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited
for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes
inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's
parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still
deep in prayer, with his head down. 5 minutes pass, and
still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 10 minutes with
his head down, the girl-
friend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend,
"I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers
back, I had no idea your
father was a pharmacist."
Subj: Young Man Buys Some Condoms - Ver. 2 (S399b)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #239 on 98-04-11
A man walked into the drugstore
and shyly asked the pretty
girl working there if he could buy some condoms. Seeing his
discomfort, the girl decided to have some fun.
She asked what size he needed.
He said he didn't really know.
So the girl said they come in three sizes, and that there were
three holes in the fence outside that they used for sizing
tests. He should go outside and put his tool to the test.
When he went outside, the girl
snuck around the fence, when he
put his tool through the first hole, she caught him and gave
him a handjob.
When he put his tool in the second hole, she gave him oral sex.
When he put his tool in the third
hole, she had her pants down
and she took him inside herself.
When he was finished, the girl
ran around the front. He walked
up and she asked, "So, what size do you need?"
He answered, "I've decided not
to buy any condoms; but I do
want 8 feet of that fence!"
Being Propositioned By Your Fiancee's Sister II
From: Jessibel Punzalan Gonzales
on 7/20/2010 (S705b,d-iFrame)
(Also see 'Being Propositioned By Your Fiancee's Sister' below)
This one minute Trojan commercial
is very cute. Click
'HERE' to see the video.
Subj: Being Propositioned By Your Fiancee's Sister
From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/8/2006 (S499b, S639)
(Also see 'Being Propositioned By Your Fiancee's Sister II' above)
I was a very happy person. My
girlfriend and I had been dating
for over a year, and we decided to get married. There was only
one little thing bothering me... it was her beautiful younger
sister. She was twenty-two, tight miniskirts, generally bra-
less. She would bend down when near me, and I always got
more than a pleasant view. She never did it when she was near
One day "little" sister phoned
and asked me to come over. She
was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she
wanted to make love to me just once before I committed my life
to her sister. I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want
one last wild fling, just come up and get me." When she
reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down
I stood there for a moment, then
turned and made a beeline
straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed
straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future
family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in
his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very
happy that you have passed our little test... we couldn't
ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!!!"
And the moral of this story is: . . . . . . . .
Always keep your condoms in your car!
Italian Chewing Gum (S460d-iFrame)
From: darrell94590 on 11/14/2005
This is a cute, dirty Italian
ad for Skin Less Skin Condoms.
Click 'HERE' to see this new use for condoms.
Subj: Standing In Line At The Drug Store (S537b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 5/4/2007
I work at a company whose logo
is the Spartan man head...
when my daughter was 8 she went to a doctor's appointment
and needed a prescription filled. We went to the local
CVS drug store and went to the pharmacy counter. They
were quite busy. While standing in line my 8 yr old was
directly in front of the waist to floor rack of condoms.
She saw the Trojan brand with the same Spartan guy head
and yelled, "Hey mom don't you need these for work?"
Needless to say I turned a shade
of red there is no color
Subj: Condom Factory Tour (S507c)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 10/5/2006
A guy is on a tour of a factory
that produces latex products.
At the first stop, he's shown the machine that manufactures
baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud hiss-pop
noise. "The hiss is the rubber being injected into the
mould," explains the guide. "The popping sound is a needle
poking a hole in the end of the nipple."
Later, the tour reaches the part
of the factory where
condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a noise: 'Hiss.
Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop!'
"Wait a minute!" says the man
taking the tour. "I understand
what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop!' every so
"Oh, it's just the same as in
the baby-bottle nipple machine,"
says the guide. "It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."
"Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"
"True, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"
Condom Commercial (S562d-iFrame)
From: darrellvip on 11/1/2007
Why don't they have commercials
like this in the USA?
You can view this banned Durex "feelings" ad with
Dominic Cooper by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: US Sends Russia Condoms (S27, S463)
From: TNKRTEACH on 97-07-21
and From: DoctorDebt on 12/1/2005
George Bush received a call from
Russian President Putin.
He says to Bush, "Our largest condom factory has exploded.
They are my people's favorite form of birth control. This
is a true disaster!"
"Mr. Putin, the American people
would be happy to do anything
within their power to help you," replied President Bush.
"I do need your help," said Putin.
"Could you send 1,000,000
condoms ASAP to hold us over?"
"Why certainly! I'll get right on it," said Bush.
"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin.
"Yes?" said Bush.
"Could the condoms be red in
color and at least 10" long and
2" in diameter?" said Putin.
"No problem," replied the President.
Mr. Putin hung up and started
laughing with his aides about
how those stupid Americans will fall for anything.
George Bush hung up and called
the CEO of the Trogan Company
"I need a favor. Can you send 1,000,000 condoms right away
over to Russia?"
"Consider it done," replied the CEO of Trogen.
"Good! Now listen, they have
to be red in color, 10" long and
2" in diameter."
"Easily done. Anything else?"
"Yeah," said the President, "print
'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE
MEDIUM' on each one."
Glow In The Dark Condom Commercial
..........on 7/1/2008 (S598d-iFrame)
You can view this cute Four Seasons
by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Three Guys In Line Buy Condoms (S125b, S500)
From: WSelwa on 6/18/99
and From: auntiegah on 8/16/2006
This man was in a long line at
the grocery store. As he got
to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms.
So he asked the checkout girl if she could have some condoms
brought up to the register. She asked, "What size condoms?"
The customer replied that he
didn't know. She asked him to
drop his pants. He did, she reached over the counter,
grabbed hold of him, then picked up the store intercom and
said, "One box of large condoms to register 5."
The next man in line thought
this was interesting and, like
MOST MEN, up for a cheap thrill. When he got to the register,
he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms,
and asked if she would have some brought up to the register.
She asked him what size and he stated that he didn't know.
She asked him to drop his pants. He did, she gave him a quick
feel, picked up the store intercom and said, "One box of
medium-sized condoms to register 5."
A few customers back was this
teenage boy. He thought what
he had witnessed was way too cool. He had never had any type
of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was
his chance. When he got up to the register, he told the
checker he needed some condoms. She asked him what size, and
he said he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants and
he did. She reached over the counter, gave him one quick
squeeze, then picked up the intercom and said, "Clean up at
Subj: Bowl With A Condom Floating In It (S86, S738)
From: JOELFALLON on 98-09-20
and From: jcary on 3/1/2011
Ms. Bee, the church organist,
was in her eighties and had
never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness
and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one
afternoon early in the spring and she welcomed him into her
Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she
prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ,
the minister noticed a cut glass bowl setting on top of it,
filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a
Imagine his shock and surprise.
Imagine his curiosity;
surely Miss Bea had flipped! He certainly couldn't mention
the strange sight in her parlor. When she returned with
tea and cookies they began to chat. The pastor tried to
stifle his curiosity about the bowl and its strange floater,
but soon it got the best of him, and he could resist no
longer. "Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell
me about this." Pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't
it wonderful! I was walking
down town last fall and I found this little package. It
said to put it on your organ and keep it wet, and it would
prevent disease. You know, I think it is working, I haven't
had a cold all winter!
Trojan Ad (S764d-iFrame)
From: darrellvip on 9/5/2011
to see this two year old, forty-four second
commercial. It's shocking, and very funny.
Subj: Widow's First Time (S244, S473c)
From: darrell94590 on 2/7/2006
Sadie lost her husband almost
four years ago and still has
not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were
only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her
and urging her to get back into the world.
Finally, Sadie says she'd go
out, but didn't know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone
for you to meet." Well, it was an immediate hit. They
took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks
her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And we
know what that meant.
One room and the normal follow
up to that. Their first
night there she undresses as he does. There she stood
nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his
birthday suit. Looking at her he asks "Why the panties?"
She replies, "My breasts you
can fondle, my body is yours
to explore, but down there I am still in mourning." He
knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following
night the same scenario. She standing there with the
black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that
he has an erection on which he has a black condom.
She looks at him and asks, "What's
with this... a black
He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."
Subj: Nipples And Condoms (S80)
From: RFSlick on 98-08-03
A guy is going on a tour of a
factory that produces various
latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine
that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a
loud "hiss-pop" noise. "The hiss is the rubber being injected
into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is the
needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."
Later, the tour reaches the part
of the factory where condoms
are manufactured. The machine makes a "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss.
Hiss-pop" noise. "Wait a minute!" says the man taking the
tour. "I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's
that 'pop' every so often?"
"Oh, it's just the same as in
the baby-bottle nipple machine,"
says the guide. It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."
"Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"
"Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"
How Far Will A Condom Stretch?
From: ft.apache on 10/14/2009
Click 'HERE' to be amazed by this guy stretching a condom.
Subj: Truck Driver Picks Up Two Hitchhickers
From: RFSlick on 98-04-30
A truck driver was driving along
when he notices this female
hitch-hicker so he slams on the brakes and picks her up.
They go through the pleasantries of meeting one another and
then the truck driver asks if she would give up a little
something for the ride. She says, "Okay, but what are we
going to name the baby?" This scares the trucker so he
lets her off and goes on his way.
A few days later he sees another
female hitchhicker and picks
her up also. He gets to know her and again he asks if she
would give up a little something for the ride. She says,
"Okay, but what are we going to name the baby?" He thinks
for a little while and then says, "Will think of something
when we are done."
They have sex a couple of times
and then sit back to enjoy
a cigarette when the girl asks, "So what are we going to
name the baby?" He says, "Oh! Thanks for reminding me!"
He reaches down and removes a condom, ties a knot in it,
and throws it out of the window. He looks over at her and
says, " If it gets out of that we'll name it Houdini!"
Mrs Brown And The Condom
From: Cathy Lavezzo-Freitas
..........on 10/3/2017 (S1082d-On Site)
Nike Condoms: Just do it.
Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.
Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.
Flinstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong
Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but ph balanced
for a woman.
Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less,
it's that simple.
Ford Condoms: The best never rest.
Chevy Condoms: Like a Rock.
Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you
wish everybody did?
New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey -- you never know.
Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.
EverReady Condoms: Keeps going and going ...
KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.
Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing.
Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.
Microsoft Condoms: Where do you want to go today?
Sun MicroCondoms: The Network is the Condom
Oracle Condoms: Not just databases anymore.
Netscape Condoms: Introducing the new SuiteSpot Silicondom
Graphics Inc.: The leader in 3D Condoms
Intel CPUs (Condom Processing Units): Intel Inside
AT?T Condoms: Reach out and TOUCH someone.
Subj:.....Vermont's Magic Hat Brewery
..........Bottle Cap Slogans (S877 in Bottlecaps)
........Left Cap from PupCaps.com and Right Cap from WakeUpBro.com
...Vermont's Magic Hat Brewery takes the wit and wisdom
...of their patrons and puts it on the inside of their
...beer caps. This one is my favorite. You can read
...more of their sayings by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: New Condom Brands
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/22/2003
Nike condoms - Just do it.
Toyota condoms - Oh what a feeling.
Pringles condoms - Once you pop, you can't stop.
KFC condoms - Finger-lickin' good.
J Ford condoms - The best never rest.
Bounty condoms - The quicker picker-upper.
Energizer condoms -It keeps going and going and going.
M ? Ms condoms -It melts in your mouth, not in your hands.
Star Trek condoms - To boldly go where no man has gone before.
Why are condoms like cameras? - they both capture the moment.
Subj: Slogans To Promote National Condom Week... (S117)
From: RFSlick on 4/30/99
1. Cover your stump before
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don't be silly. Protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong
7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won't get sick if your wrap your dick
12. If you go into heat, package your meat
13. While you're undressing venus, dress up that penis
14. When you take off her pants and blouse,
suit up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection! Protect your erection
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her
21. No glove, no love!
Four Seasons Condoms Commercial
From: tom on 12/21/2013
This Four Seasons Condoms commercial
for NAKED condoms
was banned from television. The ad emphasizes that the
condoms come in four sizes. Click 'HERE' to see this
couple have sex four times in a drug store to check
Subj: Two Old Ladies And A Condom (S125, S558b)
From: drgolfmd on 5/11/2004
and From: gordonschuk on 9/25/2007
Two old ladies (Rachel and Alicia),were
waiting for a bus
and Alicia was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain,
so the old lady reached into her purse and pulled out a
condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette
and continued to smoke.
Her friend, Rachel, saw this
and said, "Hey, now that's a
good idea! What is that you're putting over your cigarette?"
The other old lady, Alicia, said, "It's a condom."
"A condom? Where do you get those?"
Alicia told her that she could
purchase them at a pharmacy.
When the two old ladies arrived downtown, Rachel went into
the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms.
The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that
this little old lady was interested in condoms. He asked
her, "what size do you want?"
Rachel thought for a moment and
said, "one that will fit
Subj: Short Condom Jokes
Cowboy Goes Shopping (S781)
From: sam.hutkins on 12/9/2011
Source: (Removed from snipershide.com)
Johnny And Dad's Condom (S280)
From: twistedhumor.com on 10/6/2000
Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day
from Yahoo! Images
Little Johnny asked curiously, "What ya doin', Dad?"
His father quickly replied, "I
thought I saw a rat go
underneath the bed."
Johnny replied, "What ya gonna
do, fuck him?"
Subj: I Will Not Be Your Father Condom (S770)
From: Catherine Coxon on 10/15/2011
Source in English: LaughingSquid.com
Source in French: Callvin.com (in Facebook)
Subj: Buying A Condom From A Young Woman
The first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms, I was
waited on by a beautiful young woman. She asked what size
I wanted and I said I wasn't sure. So she asked now big I
was and I said, "Compared to what?" She held up one finger
and asked if I was that big. I said, "I'm bigger than that."
Then she held up two fingers and asked if I was that big. I
said, "I'm bigger than that." Then she held up three
fingers and asked if I was that big. I said, "I'm about
that big." She put the three fingers in her mouth and said,
"You're a medium."
Subj: R2D2 Condom - Want To Plug? (S915)
From: Matt Small on Facebook
United States Government Seal (S492b)
From: darrell94590 on 6/23/2006
Subj: Census Takers Issued Condoms (S245b)
From: jerry on 10/11/2001
News Item: More than 10,000 census takers heading out to
visit South African households this week will be given
condoms in case they are ''led into temptation'' during
the week, says the South African Health Department.
Some census taker's jobs are
more interesting than other
census taker's jobs.
UK Telegraph 10-Aug-01
Subj:.....The Ring (S887d)
From: Linda Lemelin on Facebook on 1/7/2014
The Best Commercial Ever
From: darrell94590 (S474b)
..........on 2/10/2006 (d-Object, Movie Clip)
Subj: Woman Askes About Condoms At Drugstore (S125)
From: WSelwa on 6/18/99
A woman walked into a drugstore and asked the pharmacist if he
sold extra large condoms. He replied, "Yes we do. Would you
like to buy some?"
She responded, "No sir, but do
you mind if I wait around here
until someone does?"
How To Use A Condom After 50 (S462b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/28/2005
..........At: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Subj: Buying A Condom From a Young Woman (Vers. 2)
From: ipkis on 97-09-08
A man walked into a drugstore and asked for some condoms.
The pretty young woman behind the counter asked, "What size?"
"I didn't know they came in different sizes," the guy answered.
She said, "Okay, come with me."
She led him into a back room,
lifted her skirt and directed him to stick it in, which he did.
She said, "You're a size seven."
The guy made his purchase, went
home and told his roommate
about the experience. The roommate rushed to the store, where
he got the same treatment.
"You're a size eight," the salesgirl
said. "How many condoms
do you want?"
He replied, "None. I just
came in for a fitting."
The condom - made originally
of linen - was invented in the
The first-known contraceptive
was crocodile dung,
used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C.
From 'Strange Sex Laws' in LAWS
In Maryland, it is illegal to
sell condoms from vending
machines with one exception: prophylactics may be
dispensed from a vending machine in places where alcoholic
beverages are sold for consump- tion on the premises."
(Is this a great country or what?)
In Nevada sex without a condom
is considered illegal.
From: DR SWITZER on 98-04-04
A duck walks into a drug store. He goes to the counter and
asks for a box of condoms.
The pharmacist says, "OK, that will be $5.95. Would you
like me to just put them on your bill?"
The duck says "Hey listen pal, I'm not that kind of duck!"
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #26
A duck walks (OK, waddles) into a drug store and buys a
package of condoms.
The Pharmacist says, "Cash or would you like them on your
The duck says, "My bill? I'm going to put them on my dick!"
The Pharmacist then says, "That will be $9.99 plus tax".
To which the duck responds, "Tacks? I though they stayed
on by themselves!"
From: humorlist-digest V1 #185 on 97-08-28
A guy walks into a drugstore operated by a prudish woman.
He asks, "Can I have a dozen condoms, miss?"
"Don't miss me, mister."
"Well then, you better make it 13."
From: auntieg on 98-05-09
The Ramses brand condom is named after the great
pharaoh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #118 on 98-05-13
and From: CatScratch@MightyCool.com on 4/20/2002
A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt
about condoms. She said, "Depends on what's in it for me."
From: RFSlick on 8/25/2001 (S239)
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that
many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms.
They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?
-- Dustin Hoffman
From: edapsmas on 4/24/2007 (S536b)
A women asks man who is traveling with six children, "Are
all these kids yours??" The man replies, " No, I work in
a condom factory and these are customer complaints".
From: FrankRoesch on 2/10/2002 (S263)
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Q: Did you hear about the two
condoms outside a gay bar
A: One said to the other "Want to go inside and get shit-faced"
Q: Why is a diploma like a condom?
A: It's rolled up when you get it, it represents a lot of effort,
it's worthless the next day.
Q: How do you recycle a condom?
A: Shake the fuck out of it.
Q: What do women and condoms
have in common?
A: 10% of the time, they are on your pecker,
and the other 90% they are in your wallet.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #178
Q: What do Kodak and condoms have in common?
A: They both capture the moment.
From: BREWONETO on 98-02-16
Q: What do women ? condoms have in common?
A: They're either all over your dick, or in our wallet.
From: Ossama's Laugh on 1/31/98
Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
From: LABLaughs.com 12/24/2002 (S308b)
Q: Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
A: They hang around after the man leaves and
talks to the woman.
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/18/2003 (S333b)
Q: What do they call condoms in Germany?