Subj: Gay Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 111 jokes and articles)
Rainbow Flag
from
Some New Light Shed
| >>>
Subj: Gay Jokes (Gz) (Includes 111 jokes and articles) |
|
Rainbow Flag from Some New Light Shed |
Also see BARANIMALS - 'Alligator
Goes To A Bar'
......................-
'Bar
With Monkey'
......................-
'Monkey
In Bar Tells Joke'
BAR1 file - 'Three
Dikes At Bar'
......................-
'Two
Dikes At A Bar'
......................-
'Two
Guys Have A Gun Pointed At Them At A Bar'
BAR2 file - 'Man
And The Barrel Behind The Bar'
......................-
'Drinking
12 Shots'
......................-
'Blewing
Chunks'
......................-
'Drunk
Tries To Start A Fight In A Bar'
BATHROOM-SUPP- 'Doonesbury
On The Senator Craig Scandal'
BIRDS file - 'Crow
Desperate For Sex'
BIRDS-CHICKEN- 'Rooster
Race'
BUGS_ETC file- 'Two
Spiders Mating In Garden'
CAMEL file - 'Sex
Like A Camel'
CARS1 file -
'Why Your Mom Said Don't Pick Up Hitchhikers!'
COLLEGE1 file- 'School
Letters'
......................-
'Logic
And The Weed-Eater'
COWBOY file - 'Cowboy
And Lesbian In A Bar'
DATING2 file - 'Finding
A Picture Of The Competition'
DATING3 file - 'Having
Two Boyfriends'
DOCTOR2 file - 'Doctor
gives Man Suppositories'
......................-
'Doctor's
Sign'
DOCTOR-SUPP - 'Three
Ill Men See The Doctor'
......................-
'Mother
Consults Doctor About Daughter Dating'
FAIRY TALES - 'Climbing
The Ladder To Success'
FARMER2 file - 'The
Widow Farmer And The Gay Ranch Hand'
GREEK file - 'Irish,
Jew And Greek Make A Deal With St. Peter'
GOLF1 file - 'Two
Rednecks And Two Gays Play Golf'
......................-
'Golfing
Lawyer Meets Beautiful Babe'
GOLF2 file - 'Four
Golfers Talk About Their Sons'
HELL file - 'Hell's
Schedule'
INDIAN file - 'Two
Indians In A Gay Bar'
KIDS1 file - 'Potential
Vs Reality'
LEPRECHAUN - 'Leprichaun
At The Urinal'
MEN1 file - 'The
Perfect Man'
......................-
'Big
And Little Guy In Elevator'
MONKEY file - 'Gay
Guy Trapped In Ape Cage'
NUDIST file - 'New
Nudist At Colony'
NUNS file - 'A
Nun And A Hippie On A Bus'
PENIS1 file - 'Gay
Bar Requires Dick Naming'
PENIS3 file - 'Boy
Forced To Receive Oral Sex'
PLANE2 file - 'Gay
Male Flight Attendant'
PRIEST1 file - 'The
Priest Has A Baby'
PRIEST3 file - 'Two
Priests At The Urnal'
......................-
'Short
Priest Jokes'
PRISON file - 'Escape
Convict Breaks Into A House'
SAILOR file - 'Sailor
Gets Horney At Sea'
SEX1 file - 'Fourteen
Year Old Has First Sex'
SEX2 file - 'Having
Sex With Your English Teacher'
SHIP file - 'John's
Boat'
============================================================Top
| Subj:
Female Or Shemale (S518 in Differences1)
From: edapsmas on 12/14/2006 Source: http://joeschwartz.net/shemale/index.html |
 |
Can you tell the difference between
a female and a shemale?
Take this sixteen question quiz
at the source above, or on
my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: Football-Pool
(S439b)
From: spade_harlequin on 6/25/2005
A man went into a bar (it's funny
how so many jokes start in
bars isn't it?) and as he enters
he hears a loud cheer from
the back room "TOUCHDOWN!!".
He figures they're probably
watching footbal back there.
This man, let's call him Matt,
sits down at the bar and orders
a drink. He looks around
the bar. Since he doesn't
know anyone there and none of the
women are very attractive, he
figures he'll make small tall
with the bartender, James.
Matt: So James, that's some game
goin' on. Who's playin'
James: Playing what?
Matt: Football.
James: Noone's playing Football.
Matt: Then what's that screaming
in the back?
James: Some gays.
Matt: And these gays just like
to cheer for no reason?
James: They have a reason.
Matt: Well what is it?!
James: Football-Pool
Matt: Huh?
James: They're playing Football-Pool
Matt: Oh...
Matt finishes his drink and decides
to see just what the hell
football-pool is. He opens
the back door and sees about 12
guys gathered around a pool
table.
Matt: Hey what's this.
Gay 1: Well it's football pool.
Matt: Well I knew that...I meant
to ask how you play.
Gay 1: Oh well you ummm...you
get a touchdown...and then you
uh well it's easier if you just try it.
Matt: You're sure I won't mess
up your game?
Gay 1: Course not! The more
the merrier! Now here take
this stick.
Matt takes the stick and follows
the instructions that the
gays give him. He puts the cue
ball on one side while the
gays position the defenders,
striped balls each of which must
be 6 inches from every other
striped ball, and takes aim at
his receivers, solid balls each
of which must be more than 6
inches away from every other
solid ball. He lines up his shot
and nails the 8 ball into the
corner pocket.
TOCUHDOWN!! The crowd yells. TOUCHDOWN!!
Matt thinks to himself, "These
guys aren't so bad. Why do
people have such a problem with
gays anyway?"
Gay 1: Ok Matt. Are you ready to try for the punt?
Matt: Well how do I do that?
Gay 1: Well it's bvery simple.
See, you just bend over this
stool and fart really loud.
Matt: Fart?
Gay 1: Yes. Fart.
Matt: Well how do I know if I fart loud enough?
Gay 1: Don't worry we'll tell you.
Matt bends over to attempt the
punt he senses somebody
behind him and looks to see
who. It's a large guy so Matt
assumes that he's there to judge.
Matt starts to grunt
and push as his team cheers
him along. A deep chant of-
Punt.Punt.Punt.
Then Matt hears another chant
that strikes terror into him-
Block the punt. Block the punt.
Block the punt.
\\\//
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Subj: Drunk
Is Sexually Abused (S263b)
From: dogbyte on 2/7/2002
A horny man is walking through
a park, and notices a wino
passed out on a park bench.
Temptation overcomes him, and
he decides to 'have his way'
with the wino. After he
finishes, he feels a little
guilty, and decides to slip a
$5.00 bill into the pocket of
the wino's pants.
The next morning, the wino wakes
up and finds the money in
his pocket. He immediately
goes to the nearest liquor
store and tells the clerk, "Give
me $5.00 worth of the
cheapest wine you've got!"
The clerk returns with a gallon
jug of wine, the wino pays for
it and leaves. He then
spends the rest of the day back
at his bench drinking.
That night after the wino passed
out, the horny man walked
by again, and repeated the cycle
from the night before.
The next morning, the wino found
the money in his pocket
again, and again went to the
same liquor store and bought
another gallon jug of cheap
wine, then spent the rest of
the day drinking on his bench.
This whole process continued
nightly for over a week.
One night, after finishing his
business with the wino,
the man felt especially guilty
about his behavior, and
slipped a $20.00 bill into the
wino's pocket.
The next morning, after finding
the money, the wino
proceeds to his favorite liquor
store and requests $20.00
of their finest wine.
The clerk obliged and said, "Don't
you usually come in
here and get $5.00 of our cheapest
wine?"
To which the wino replied "Yeah,
but I gotta quit
drinking that cheap stuff.
It makes my ass hurt!"
\\\//
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Subj: Gay
Wedding Etiquette (S233)
From: KMACINTY on 7/18/2001
1. On the day of a gay wedding,
it's bad luck for the two
grooms to
see each other at the gym.
2. Superstition suggests that
for good luck the couple
should have:
Something bold, something flirty,
something
trashy, something dirty.
3. It's customary at gay and
lesbian nuptials for the
parents to
have an open bar during the entire ceremony.
4. Gay wedding tradition dictates
that both grooms refrain
from eating
any of the wedding cake because it's all
carbs and
sugar.
5. It's considered bad luck
for either of the grooms to
have dated
the priest.
6. During the first dance, it's
considered unlucky to use
glow sticks,
flags, whistles or hand held lasers.
7. For good luck at the union
of a drag queen, the bouquet
is always
thrown in the face of a hated rival.
8. The reception hall must have
a disco ball and at least
one go go
dancer.
9. The wedding singer is not
allowed to play/sing Let's
hear it for
the boy, YMCA or I will Survive.
10. The father of the Bottom pays for everything!
\\\//
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Subj: Two
Gays Have A Baby (S156, DU)
From: JCary on 01/28/2000
Two gay men decide to have a
baby. They mix their sperm,
then have a surrogate mother
artificially inseminated.
When the baby is born, they
rush to the hospital. Two
dozen babies are in the nursery,
23 of which are crying
and screaming. One baby
over in the corner is smiling
serenely. A nurse comes
by and to the gays' delight, she
points out the happy child as
theirs.
"Isn't it wonderful?", Brad exclaims.
"All these unhappy
children, and ours is so happy."
The nurse says "He's happy now.
But just wait until we take
the pacifier out of his ass."
\\\//
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Subj: Three
Gays Die (S78, S518c)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #261 on 98-07-25
Three gay men died, and were
going to be cremated. Their
lovers happened to be at the
funeral home at the same
time, and were discussing what
they planned to do with
the ashes.
The first man said, "My Benny
loved to fly, so I'm going
up in a plane and scatter his
ashes in the sky."
The second man said, "My Carl
was a good fisherman, so
I'm going to scatter his ashes
in our favorite lake."
The third man said, "My Jim was
such a good lover, I
think I'm going to dump his
ashes in a pot of chili, so
he can tear my ass up just one
more time."
\\\//
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Subj: Robber
In A Gay Bar (S65, DU)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #99 on 98-04-21
A bartender in a gay bar was
getting ready to close for the
night when a robber with a ski
mask burst in and pulls a
gun. He yells to the bartender,
"This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!"
The scared bartender pleads,
"Don't shoot, please! I'll do
as you say!"
The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!"
The bartender says, "Okay, okay!
Just don't shoot,
I have a wife and kids! I'll
do whatever you say!"
The crook takes the money then
puts the gun to the bartender's
head and says, "Alright, now
give me a blowjob!"
"Anything!" cries the bartender, "Just don't shoot!"
The bartender starts to blow
the crook. As the crook gets
excited, he drops the gun.
The bartender sees the gun on
the floor, picks it up, hands
it back to the crook and yells,
"Hold the gun, damn it! One
of my friends might walk in!"
\\\//
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Subj: Are
You Gay? (S53, S385)
From: Anaise on 98-01-21
and
From: mrx on 6/8/2004
An employee for USAir, who happened
to have the last name of
GAY, got on a plane recently
using one of his company's "Free
Flight" programs. However,
when Mr. Gay tried to take his
seat, he found it being occupied
by a paying passenger. So,
not to make a fuss, he simply
chose another seat.
Unknown to Mr. Gay, another USAir
flight at the airport
experienced mechanical problems.
The passengers of this
other flight were being rerouted
to various airplanes. A
few were put on Mr. Gay's flight
and anyone who was holding
a "free" ticket was being "bumped".
Airline officials, armed with
a list of these "freebee" ticket
holders boarded the plane to
remove the free ticket holders.
Of course, our Mr. Gay was not
sitting in his assigned seat as
you may remember.
So when the Ticket Agent approached
the seat where Mr. Gay was
supposed to be sitting, she
asked a startled customer "Are you
Gay?".
The man, shyly nodded that he
was, at which point she demanded,
"Then you have to get off the
plane."
Our Mr. Gay, overhearing what
the Ticket Agent had said, tried
to clear up the situation: "You've
got the wrong man. I'm Gay!"
This caused an angry third passenger
to yell "Hell, I'm gay too!
They can't kick us all off!"
Confusion reined as more an more
passengers began yelling that
USAir had no right to remove
gays from their flights. As far as
I know, they are still on the
tarmac fighting it out.
Snopes.com calles this story
a legend and gives five examples of
different versions at http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/obnox.htm
\\\//
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Subj: Bruce
Has To Go Bathroom In The Park (DU)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #223 on 98-01-17
Lance and Bruce were walking
in the park one afternoon, when
Bruce felt the call of nature.
He stepped into the bushes
to do his duty, when all of
a sudden Lance heard a shrill
scream.
"Oh, my God! I've had a
miscarriage! Look! Little hands,
little feet - oh my God!"
Lance goes charging into the
bushes to see what's going.
He looked around for a few seconds
and lisps, "Bruce, you
fucking idiot, you just shit
on a frog!"
\\\//
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Subj: Comming
Out Of The Closet To Mom (S24, S445b)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #181
and
From: CKButch4Femme on 7/31/2005
A gay man, finally deciding he
could no longer hide his
sexuality from his parents,
went over to their house, and
found his mother in the kitchen
cooking dinner. He sat
down at the kitchen table, let
out a big sigh, and said,
"Mom, I have something to tell
you. I'm gay."
His mother made no reply or gave
any response, and the guy
was about to repeat it to make
sure she'd heard him, when
she turned away from the pot
she was stirring and said
calmly, "You're gay -- doesn't
that mean you put other
men's penises in your mouth?"
The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right."
His mother went back to stirring
the pot, then suddenly
whirled around, whacked him
over the head with her spoon
and said, "Don't you EVER complain
about my cooking again!!"
\\\//
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Subj: Two
Poofs And A Truck Driver In An Accident (S263c)
From: dogbyte on 2/23/2002
(See 'Two
Rednecks and Two Gays Play Golf' in GOLF1)
A gay couple is driving along
one afternoon, and while
stopped at a stop sign, they
are rear ended by a big
semi. Furiously, the guy in
the passenger side throws
his purse on the seat, gets
out of the car, goes back
to the truck and starts banging
on the door.
The truck driver opens the door
and the gay guy, standing
there with his hands on his
hips, says, "I'm gonna sue
your ass, Buddy!"
The truck driver, laughs and says, "Suck my dick!"
The gay guy stands there for
a second, then his eyes
get really big and his face
lights up. He runs back
to the car, and says excitedly
to his lover, "You won't
believe it, he wants to settle
out of court!"
\\\//
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Subj: Two
Gays Fart (DU)
A male hitch-hiker gets picked
up by 2 gays. They're driving
along and one of the gays says
"ooh, excuse me, I have to
fart" and there is a soft "ppphhht"
noise. A few minutes
later the second gay says "ooh,
excuse me, I have to fart
too" and there's another "ppphhht"
noise. Then the hitch-
hiker says "ummm, guys, I'm
gonna have to let one fly too"
and there is this roaring flatulent
blast, like a cross
between a brass band and a VW
backfiring. The gays turn to
each other and giggle "ooooh!
A virgin!".
\\\//
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Subj: Two
Firemen Caught Butt-Fucking (DU)
Two firemen are butt-fucking
in a smoke-filled room. The
fire chief walks in, says "What
the HELL is going on here?!?"
The fireman in back says "Sir,
this man is suffering from
smoke inhalation!"
The chief says "well, did you try mouth-to-mouth resuscitation??"
The fireman replys "yes, sir,
how do you think this shit got
started?!?"
\\\//
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Subj: Gay
Marriage (S405)
From: DafterLafter on 10/19/2004
At: http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200408/088.htm
 |
\\\//
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Subj: Homosexual
Sons Discussed At The Bar (S308b)
A man walks into a bar one night
and asks for 3 drinks.
The bartender asks the man what
is wrong, to which the
man replied, "My oldest son
is a homosexual." So the
bartender gives him 3 drinks.
A few months later the man walks
in and asks the bartender
for five drinks. Again
the bartender asked the man what
was wrong. "My second
son is a homosexual." The bartender
gives him five drinks, and the
man goes on his way.
Several months later, he walks
in again and asks for ten
drinks. The bartender
again asks what's wrong. "My
youngest son just admitted he's
homosexual."
The bartender replied, "My goodness,
isn't there anybody
in your family that like women?"
"Yeah, my wife does."
\\\//
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Subj: Gay
Feels Something In His Butt (S519b)
Two gay lovers were talking.
The first one sez, "I think
you left something in my honey
hole last night"
The second one sez, "I don't
see how thats possible, but
I'll check. Pull down
you pants." He sticks his finger
up the wazoo as far as he can
and feels around. "There's
nothing here."
"Oh, I'm sure there's something.
Probe farther," sez the
first. So the lover sticks
two fingers, then three fingers,
then finally his entire hand
inside. "Hey there *is*
something here!" he sez, pulling
out the object.
"It's a Rolex Watch!"
The first one begins singing, "Happy birthday to you..."
\\\//
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Subj: Liberace
Goes To The Doctor (S283b)
From: http://www.twistedhumor.com
on 6/20/02
So, Liberace goes to the Doctor
for his physical. After the
exam the Doctor comes in and
says,
"You've got six weeks to live."
Liberace asks, "How do you know this?"
The Doctor tells him, "During
the exam a hamster crawled out
of your ass, saw his shadow,
and went back in."
\\\//
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Subj: Guy
Wakes Up With Two Rings
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #169
Monday morning, after an all
weekend party, (most of which
he doesn't remember) this guy
wakes up to find two stripes
circling all the way around
his cock. One bright red the
other brown.
Not remembering what he might
have done to have gotten
these, he decides to go to his
doctor and have it checked
out. After explaining
to the doctor that he's not sure how
they got there, but he wanted
to have them checked out, the
doctor tells him that they will
run several tests and figure
out the best form of treatment
for him.
After the tests have been run
and analyzed the doctor tells
him that he has good and bad
news. "The good new is that
the red stripe is lipstick.
The bad new is the brown stripe
is Skoal."
\\\//
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Subj: Sailor
Needs A Hotel Room (S258, S454)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #205 on 97-10-26
and
From: auntiegah on 10/2/2005
By the time the sailor pulled
into a little town, every
hotel room was taken.
"You've got to have a room somewhere,"
he pleaded. "Or just a
bed, I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room
with one occupant - an Air
Force guy," admitted the manager,
"and he might be glad to
split the cost. But to
tell you the truth, he snores so
loudly that people in adjoining
rooms have complained in
the past. I'm not sure
it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired Navy man assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning the sailor came
down to breakfast bright-
eyed and bushy-tailed.
"How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.
"Never better."
The manager was impressed.
"No problem with the other guy
snoring?"
"Nope, I shut him up in no time" said the Navy guy.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring
away, when I came in the
room," the sailor explained.
"I went over, gave him a kiss
on the cheek, and said, 'Goodnight,
beautiful,' and he sat
up all night watching me."
\\\//
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Subj: Short
Gay Jokes (S101)
| Subj:
Stripped (S595 in Nudist)
From: tom on 6/15/2008 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Gay Finger Test (S547)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 5/14/2007 |
| Subj:
Trick or Treat? (S512b in Halloween)
From: darrell94590 on 11/7/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Gay Adoption (S501c)
From: darrell94590 on 8/21/2006 |
| Subj:
Modern Loving (S462b)
From: LABLaughsAdult (S462b) on 12/2/2005 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Thailand's Most Beautiful Girl (S574c in Asian)
From: tom on 1/14/2008 |
Top
Subj: Two
Couples Swap Partners (S238)
From: dogbyte on 8/22/2001
Two couples decide to spend
the weekend away together at a
posh hotel. When they
get there, one guy suggests they
indulge in partner-swapping
as a trial.
After 2 hours of solid sex by
the fireside, the guy turned
to his new partner and said,
"Wow! This is the very best
sex I had in years: I wonder
how the girls are doing?"
Top
Subj: Two
Gays Walking Down The Road (S234)
From: Lots of Jokes on 7/24/01
at http://www.lotsofjokes.com/cat_293.htm
Two homosexual guys were walking
down the road when one
looked at the other and said
"You see that guy across the
road?" "Wow, he's cute!!!"
the other said. "Well, I had
sex with that guy a couple of
years back." "No shit???"
the other asked. "Not
much..." replied the first.
Top
Subj: Two
Gays In The Shower (S55)
From: rballer on 98-02-15
Two gays were showering together
when one noticed something stuck on the
other's penis. "What the
heck is that"? he asked. "It's a nicotene
patch" replied the other.
"Is it working?" asked the first. "Yes, I'm
dowm to only five butts a week"
he answered.
A straight couple need a marriage
license to marry. Now that
homosexual marriage is in vogue,
what do two lesbians need?
A licker license.
Babe Ruth hits the most home
runs, Pete Rose got the most base hits,
Nolan Ryan got the most strikeouts.
Who got hit in the face by most
balls?? Answer backwards:
Nosduh Kcor.
Did you hear about the two gay
Irishman?
William Fitzpatrick and Patrick
Fitzwilliam
Did you hear about the queer
Irishman?
He preferred women to wiskey.
Did you hear about the two gay
Americans?
Ben Dover and Phil McAvity.
Women libbers are ok. I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.
Lesbian (less bee un) (proper
noun):
Just another woman trying to
do a man's job.
Two gay men were in a pool pushing
a turd back and forth to eash
other and the lifegaurd see's
this and asks what they are doing.
"Teaching our child to swim!"
2 gays sitting at the bar. One
turns around to the other and says
"Hey, let me move your stool
for you"!
Two old maids decide to live
together. "Of course we'll have to be
frank with each other" says
the first. "Ok" says the second, "I'll
be frank tonight and you can
be frank tommorrow".
Two gay guys get in a fight in
a bar.
They go outside to exchange
blows.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #8
Written in a subway toilet:
"My mother made me a homosexual"
and below, someone else wrote
hopefully:
"If I give her the wool, can
she make me one?"
Written above a urinal:
Faggots SUCK!
and below it was written:
That's the idea, dummie
I hear that Heaven is losing
money since Liberace and
Rock Hudson died. They're blowing
all the prophets.
Two queers were on the beach,
one says to the other, "shall I put the
umbrella up?". The other one
replies, "yes but don't open it!".
From LAWS file.
In Manchester, England, an ancient
law declares that if a
young man develops a lisp, he
must be inspected by a bishop
to ensure that he isn’t developing
homosexual tendencies.
From: humorlist-digest V1 #275 on 97-12-13
One gay guy is trying to convince
the other gay guy that he's pregnant.
The second guy says, "Well, if you are pregnant, who's the father?"
The first guy says, "How the
hell should I know?
Do I have eyes in the back of
my head?"
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #217 on 97-12-16
Visiting a lawyer for advice,
the wife said, "I want you to help me
obtain a divorce. My husband
is getting a little queer to sleep with."
"What do you mean?" asked the
attorney. "Does he force you to indulge
in unusual sex practices?"
"No, he doesn't," replied the
woman, "and neither does the little queer."
From: humorlist-digest V2 #133 on 98-05-28
A lesbian is just another woman
trying to do a man's job
Arachnohomophobia: Fear of gay spiders
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #267 on 98-08-21
Did you hear about the two gay
judges that tried each other?
From: scott_pryor on 99-01-02
There's a new sitcom out directed
especially at gay men.
It's called, "Leave It, It's
Beaver."
From: scott_pryor on 99-02-21 (S109)
Three homesexuals were relaxing
chest high in a hot tub. All of a
sudden some sperm floated to
the surface. "All right, all right",
one of the three protested,
"which one of you two just farted?"
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #293 on 3/19/99
(S112)
Did you hear about the gay guy
that put a
nicorette patch on the tip of
hispenis???
Yeah, he's down to two butts
a day!!!!!
From: JCary on 01/17/2000 (S160)
"Capital punishment turns the
state into a
murderer. But imprisonment
turns the state
into a gay dungeon-master,"
- Emo Philips
From: dogbyte on 9/1/2001 (S240)
Transvestite: A fellow who likes
to eat, drink, and be Mary!
Q: How do they seperate the
men from the boys in a gay bar?
A: with a crowbar.
Q: Did you hear about the two
condoms outside a gay bar
A: One said to the other "Want
to go inside and get shit-faced"
Q: What is the hottest pickup
line in a gay bar?
A: Can I push your stool in
for you?
Q: What did one gay sperm say
to the other?
A: Fuck it..we'll never find
an egg in all this shit.
Q: How can you tell if a cowboy
is queer?
A: His horn is in the middle
of his saddle.
Q: Did you hear about the queer
mounted police
A: He sat on his whistle and
blew his horse.
Q: What's the difference between
a straight rodeo, and a gay rodeo?
A: At a straight rodeo, they
shout "RIDE THAT SUCKER !"
Q: What is the first sign of
AIDS?
A: A hard throbbing pain in
your ass.
Q: How does a gay man fake an
orgasm?
A: Spits on the guy's back.
Q: Why did all the homosexuals
vote for Bill Clinton in the last election?
A: Because they like assholes
better than Bush.
Q: How can you tell when you're
in a gay church?
A: Every other guy is kneeling.
Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco
wear
short black mini
skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!
Q: What do you call a gay Indian?
A: Brave Sucker!
Q: Did you hear about the gay
paraplegics?
A: They fuck each others colostomy
bags.
Q: Why did the priest get aids?
A: He didn't wash his organ
between hims.
Q: Why did the Catholic priest
get in so much trouble?
A: Every afternoon he'd invite
an alter boy in for organ practice.
Q: What's the miracle of AIDS?
A: It turns fruits into vegetables.
Q: Why haven't the scientists
been able to find a cure for AIDS?
A: They havent been able to
get the mice to buttfuck.
Q: Why did the gay reporter do
so well?
A: He liked to dig around for
the inside poop.
Q: When does a distinguished
gay gentleman become a fucking faggot?
A: As soon as he leaves the
room!
Q: What's the difference between
"like" and "love"?
A: Spit and swallow.
Q: How many gays does it take
to change a light bulb?
A: Three, one to change the
bulb and two to say "fabulous".
Q: What is the difference between
a Hobo and a Homo?
A: A Hobo is lonely, and a Homo
has friends up the ass.
Q: What's the difference between
a pervert and a kinky person?
A: A pervert uses a feather,
a kinky person uses the whole chicken!
Q: What's the difference between
a microwave and a queer?
A: A microwave doesn't brown
your meat!
From: Neal's Nasty Free Filthy Daily
Dirty Joke For 1/26/97
Q: Why do gay men wear ribbed
condoms?
A: For traction in the mud.
From: ipkis on 97-07-24
Q: What's the hardest thing
about having Aids?
A: Leaving your friend's behind.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #34 on 98-02-04
Q: What do gay men refer to
hemorrhoids as?
A: Speed bumps.
Q: What do you call a mexican
queer?
A: A senor eater.
From: BREWONETO on 98-02-16
Q: What's the difference between
oral sex and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day,
anal sex makes your hole weak
From: RFSlick on 98-04-10
Q: Did you hear about the 3
men who attacked the woman in SF?
A: Two held her down while the
last did her hair.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #113 on 98-05-08
Q: How can you tell if a bank
robber is gay?
A: He ties up the safe and blows
the guard.
From: dogbyte on 2/4/2002 (S262)
Q: What did the wife do whe
she found out her husband was gay?
A: She turned around and took
it like a man!
From: dogbyte on 2/8/2002 (S262)
Q: Why couldn't the Greek boy
run away from home?
A: He couldn't leave his brothers
behind!
From: Anonymous Jr on July 7,2004 (S389b)
Q: What did the homo say to
the census taker?
A: "Well, I was born in Chicago
but reared in San Francisco."
From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/23/2004
(S409b - ships)
Q: How did the tugboat get AIDs?
A: It was rear-ended by a ferry.
From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/7/2004 (S411)
Q: What do you call two homosexuals
named Bob?
A: Oral Roberts
From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/18/2005 (S416b
- trees)
Q: What do you call a gay X-mas
tree?
A: Spruce
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/9/2005 (S420b
- mailman-etc)
Q: What do you call a gay milkman?
A: A dairy queen
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/24/2005 (S425b)
Q: What do you call a Jewish
homosexual?
A: A He-blew
»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«
Short Lesbian Question-Answer Jokes (S584c)
»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«
Q: What do you call two lesbians
in a canoe?
A: Fur traders.
Q: What do you call a shed full
of Lesbians ?
A: A Lickerbarn.
Q: What did one lesbian frog
say to the other?
A: Well I'll be damned....we
DO taste like chicken!
Q: Did you hear that Nike is
coming out with a new
shoe for lesbian
track stars?
A: They're called Dikes, have
a extra long tongue,
and you can get
them off with one finger.
Q: How do you know lesbian carpenters
built your house?
A: All the joints are tongue
in groove and it has no studs.
Q: What do you call an Irish
lesbian?
A: A gaelic.
Q: What's the lesbians motto?
A: Tastes great, less filling.
Q: What do two lesbians do when
have their period?
A: Fingerpainting.
Q: What do you call 100 heavily
armed lesbians?
A: Militia Etheridge.
Q: How many lesbians does it
take to change a lighbulb?
A: Is that supposed to be funny,
pig?
Q: What do you get when you add
a million lesbians
to the Million
man march?
A: TWO million people who don't
do dick!
Q: What's the difference between
a Lebanese Woman, and a catfish?
A: One's got fatlips and whiskers,
and the other one is a fish.
From: Neal's Nasty Free Filthy Daily
Dirty Joke For 3/16/97
Q: What do you call a lesbian
eskimo?
A: A klondyke.
From: Neal's Nasty Free Filthy Daily
Dirty Joke For 1/26/97
Q: What do you call a lesbian
with fat fingers?
A: Well hung.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #224 on 98-01-22
Q: What's the difference between
a Wheat Thin and a lesbian?
A: A Wheat Thin is a snack cracker....
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #297 - Quickies!
on 4/18/99
Q: Know what one lesbian vampire
said to another lesbian vampire?
A: "See you next month!"
From: kmacinty on 6/23/2002 (S282b)
Q: What is the leading cause
in death with lesbians?
A: Hair balls.
From: LABLaughsAdult on 6/8/2005 (S437b)
Q: What's the difference between
a lesbian finger-
fucking a blonde
and a Schwinn at the side of the road?
A: One's a bike in a ditch,
and the other's....
From: CKButch4Femme on 7/31/2005 (S445b)
Q: How can you tell if a lesbian
is butch?
A: She kick starts her vibrator
and rolls her own tampons.
Q: What do you call an Irish
lesbian?
A: Gaylick.
Q: What do you call a truck load
of vibrators?
A: Toys for Twats.
Q: Why do lesbians like to have
gay male friends?
A: Someone has to do the cooking!
Q: Why do gay men like to have
lesbian friends?
A: Someone has to mow the yard.
Q: How many lesbians does it
take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 2 if they're small enough
(think about that one for a minute!)
From: LABLaughsAdult20080402 on 4/2/2008
Q: What do you call lesbian
twins?
A: Lick-a-likes.
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Two Gays from
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