Subj:     Hooker2 Jokes
                 (Includes 22 jokes and articles, 16875,7,no ads,vXT3,4)

Neon Hooker from
Best Animations
Includes the following:  Happy Hour in Bangkok Photo/Video (S875)
.........................Grandma, Prostitutes, And Free Oranges (S341, S632c)
.........................Trucker At Restaurant And Whorehouse (S401)
.........................Two Prostitutes With Sigh On Car (S434b, DU)
.........................Happy Ending Massage (Uncut Version) - Video (S692, S798)
.........................An Unusual Hooker (S600b)
.........................A Dick Named Caesar (S487)
.........................Doing It Messiccan-Style (S478)
.........................Bizarro Cartoon (S873)
.........................Russian Diplomat And The USA Hooker (S408b)
.........................Barack Hussein Obama Picks A Hooker (S405b, S651)
.........................Whores At A Druggist's Convention (S404)
.........................Electrical Whore Cartoon (S633)
.........................Pres. Bush Wants A Call Girl (S376b)
.........................Vet's Mother Donates Money To Church (S324b)
.........................Mike Tyson And The Prostitute (S320)
.........................Short Hooker Jokes
..............................Maxine Cartoon (S875)
..............................Man Offers Dead Squirrels To Hooker (S601c)
..............................Dead Whore - Poem (S416b)
..............................Work For Pay (S530)
..............................Whorehouse Sign - Poem (S412b)
Subj:     Happy Hour in Bangkok (S875d)
          From: darrelldre on 10/11/2013
 Photo source: http://memesblg.blogspot.com/2012_02_12_archive.html
 Video source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/TENj5JCuLtA
 Description source: http://warinternational.org/redlight
 After receiving the photo "Happy Hour in Bangkok", I couldn't
 sleep from a feeling shock and revulsion, so I researched the
 red light districts of Bangkok through Google.

 Commercial sex tourism was basically invented in Bangkok.  In
 fact, other red light districts such as Amsterdam are known
 as "The Bangkok of the West".  Bangkok got its start as a red
 light district during the Vietnam War when it was a popular
 R ? R location for American GI's on leave.  It has grown to
 the point where an estimated 2.8 million people engage in sex
 work.  It is also estimated that 10% of all of Thailand's
 tourist money goes into the sex industry.

 I added a video that is an introduction to the three most famous
 red light districts in Bangkok  - Soi Cowboy, Patpong, Nana.

 Click 'HERE' to see the photo and video.

Subj:     Grandma, Prostitutes, And Free Oranges (S341, S632c)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 8/6/2003

 A young woman was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons,
 didn't want her grandmother to know. One day, the police
 raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes,
 including the young woman.

 The police had the all the prostitutes line up in a
 straight line on the sidewalk, just as grandma was passing
 by. As soon as she noticed her granddaughter, she stopped
 and asked her what she was lining up for.

 Not wanting her grandmother to know the truth, the
 granddaughter told grandma that someone was passing out
 free oranges and she was lining up for some.

 "That sounds good. I think I'll have some too," Grandma
 said, as she made her way to the back of the line.

 A policeman went down the line, questioning all the
 prostitutes, until he reached grandma. Looking very
 bewildered, he said to her, "You're so old, how do you
 do it?"

 "It's easy," replied Grandma. "I just remove my dentures
 and suck them dry!"

Subj:     Trucker At Restaurant And Whorehouse (S401)
          From: JokesUncut on 7/24/2004

 A trucker goes into the truck stop restaurant and orders a
 bowl of chicken noodle soup. After eating a little bit of
 it he finds a hair in it. He starts yelling and cussing,
 then storms out of there.

 The waitress follows him across the street to the whorehouse.
 She tells the Madam to watch the son-of-a-bitch because he
 stiffed her on the tab and tip.

 So the Madam goes into his room, and there he is with his
 head buried between the prostitute's legs.

 "LOOK AT YOU!" she screams. "You wouldn't pay for that bowl
 of soup because of one lousy hair and now you got whole mouth
 full of em!"

 He slowly pulls his head out from between the girls legs and
 says, "Yeah, and I'll tell you something else. If I find a
 noodle in here I ain't payin' for this som' bitch neither!"

Subj:     Two Prostitutes With Sigh On Car (S434b, DU)
          From: darrell94590 on 5/21/2005

 Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top
 of their car which said: "Two Prostitutes -- $50.00."
 A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them
 they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.  Just
 at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS

 One of the girls asked the officer, "How come you don't
 stop them?!"

 "Well, that's a little different," the officer smiled "Their
 sign pertains to religion."  So the two ladies of the night
 frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

 The following day found the same police officer in the area
 when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large
 sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy arrest,
 he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign
 which now read: "Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter -- $50.00."

Subj:     Happy Ending Massage (Uncut Version) (S692d, S798)
          By Mediocre Films
          From: tom on 4/21/2010
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/FdWYXwjJhAU

 In this cute, funny, sexy, dirty, uncut version of the video,
 a man must decide if he will pay $50.00 for a 'Happy Ending'
 and if he will pay $50.00 for a 'Hand Job.'  Click 'HERE'
 to see what happens.

Subj:     An Unusual Hooker (S600b)
          From: Fischer-J on 7/9/2008

 Dear Sam,

 The other day I met a very unusual hooker named Helga in
 our old hometown at the corner of Georgia and Sonoma.
 She wore striped pants with a purple blouse.  When Helga
 approached me, she explained that she charged by the inch.

 I declined Helga's offer, but I'm writing you in case you
 you were looking for a real bargain.


Subj:     A Dick Named Caesar (S487)
          From: jbcary1 on 5/19/2006

 A rather scholarly young man goes into a whorehouse to seek
 entertainment.  He goes up to the madam and says, "Madam,
 I'd like woman for the evening."

 The Madam says, "Sir, I'm afraid all the girls are taken
 tonight, but if you'd care to, I'm available."

 So the guy and the madam go into a bedroom and get undressed.
 As he takes off his clothes, she looks him over and she
 notices that, flaccid, he's only two inches long.  But then
 the guy says, "Rise, Caesar!" And his 'whammo' ... a full
 12 inches.

 So they have a great time, and after about five hours the
 madam is very impressed.  "Sir," she says, "this has been
 one of the most pleasurable evenings of my life.  I was
 wondering if you'd mind if I called the girls in so they
 could have a look at you.  You're really something special,
 you know."

 But the guy says, "No, madam, no. I have come to bury
 Caesar, not to praise him."

Subj:     Doing It Messiccan-Style (S478)
          From: darrell94590 on 3/14/2006

 A Mexican from El Paso found himself in Dusty Midland, and
 decided to approach a prostitute down on 17th and 3rd.  He
 asked her, "How much do you sharge for the hour?"

 "$100," she replied.

 "Do you do Messican-style?" he asked.

 Not knowing exactly what this was, she refused.

 He tried to sweeten the deal and said, "I'll pay you $300
 to do it Messiccan-style."

 Being the persistent type, he laid down a final offer.
 "I'll give you $500 to go Messican-style with me! What
 do you say?"

 Finally, she agrees, thinking, "Well I've been in the game
 for over ten years now. I've been there and done that, and
 had every kind of request from weirdos from all over the
 world.  How kinky could Messican-style be?"

 After an hour of every possible way and position, she
 turned to him and said, "That was fantastic, but I was
 expecting something perverted and disgusting. Where
 does the 'Messican-style' come in?"

 The Mexican popped a can of beer and replied, "I pay
 you next Wednesday when I get my check."

Subj:     Bizarro Cartoon (S873)
          By Dan Piraro on 9/26/2013
Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/september-26-2013/
Subj:     Russian Diplomat And The USA Hooker (S408b)
          From: JokesUncut on 11/12/2004

 Back in the Cold War days, Ivan was a diplomat and spy.
 He was new to the USA and lived in Washington, D.C. for past
 six months. He soon complained to Boris, his aide, that he
 needed a woman.

 Boris dropped off a high-priced hooker at his door the
 following Saturday night. Ivan plied her with some vodka
 and caviar. As she took her top, he noticed that her
 armpits were shaved. He said, pointing top his own pits,
 "Vomen in the old country have wool - they have wool!"

 She responded, "It's customary and fashionable to shave
 our underarms."

 They drank more vodka and ate more caviar. She removed her
 slacks. He noticed that her legs are shaved also. He
 repeated, "Vomen in the old country have wool - they have

 Once more, she said, "It's customary and fashionable to
 shave our legs."

 After more vodka and caviar, he pulled down her panties and
 saw that her privates were trimmed. He exclaimed again,
 "Vomen in the old country have wool - they have wool!"

 She then asked in loud voice, "Look buddy, did you want to
 screw or knit?"

Subj:     Barack Hussein Obama Picks A Hooker (S405b, S651)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 10/18/2004 and 6/16/2009

 One day, about a month ago, Barack Obama -- the President
 of the United States -- was looking for a call girl.  He
 found three such ladies in a local lounge: a blonde, a
 brunette, and a red head.

 To the blonde he said, "I am the President of the United
 States.  How much would it cost me to spend some time with

 She responded, "$200."  To the brunette he posed the same
 question.  She replied. "$100."

 He then asked the same question to the red-head.  She said,
 "Mr. President, if you can raise my skirt as high as my
 taxes, get my panties as low as my wages, get that thing
 of yours as hard as the times, keep it as high as the
 prices, keep me warmer than my apartment, and screw me the
 way you do the public, then believe me, Mr. President, it
 aint gonna cost you a damn cent!

Subj:     Whores At A Druggist's Convention (S404)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/19/2004

 The madam had assembled some of her girls for the men in
 town for the pharmacists' convention.  "This is Dolores,"
 she smiled, "for $250 I can promise you an exciting evening
 starting with a hot tub."

 "And this is Connie, available for $375.  She's rigged an
 Oriental Swing in her room.  Now lovely Maria," she continued
 "can be yours for both straight and kinky sex, including
 bondage.  She's yours for the night for only $300."

 "And if you take a fancy to tantalizing Jenny here, why she

 "Just a minute." interrupted one of the druggists.  "Don't
  you have any generic sluts?"

Subj:     Electrical Whore Cartoon (S633)
          By GJCaulkins on 2/24/2009
 Source: http://www.mightywombat.com/
Subj:     Pres. Bush Wants A Call Girl (S376b)
          From: DoctorDebt on 4/13/2004

 President Bush was looking for a call girl and he found...
 three such ladies in a local bar: a blonde, a redhead and
 a brunette.

 To the brunette , he said ..... "I am the President of
 the United States of America.  How much will it cost me
 to spend some time with you?"

 She replied, "For you, Mr. President, it will cost $500."

 To the redhead he asked the same question.  She replied,
 "I will spend all the time you want for $1,000."

 Then he approached the blonde and asked the same question.
 She said: "If you can raise my skirt as high as my taxes,
 get your pants as low as my wages, get that thing of yours
 as hard as times are now, and screw me as well as you do
 the public, believe me, it won't cost you a damn thing!"

Subj:     Vet's Mother Donates Money To Church (S324b)
          From: RFSlick on 4/12/2003

 The Vet's Mother... (For all the animal lovers out there!)

 Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the
 collection plate.  This went on for weeks until the priest,
 overcome by curiosity, approached her.

 "Madam, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a
 week in the collection plate," he stated.

 "Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money,
 and what I don't need I give to the church."

 The priest replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he
 send you?"

 The old lady said.... "Oh, $20,000 a week."

 The Priest was amazed, "Your son is very successful, what
 does he do for a living?"

 "He is a veterinarian," she answered.

 "That is a very honorable profession," the priest says.
 "Where does he practice?"

 The old lady says proudly, "Well, he has one cat house in
 Las Vegas and another in Reno."

Subj:     Mike Tyson And The Prostitute (S320)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 3/18/2003

 One night after the big fight Mike Tyson was a bit
 depressed so he decided to get a prostitute to cheer
 him up.

 After the act, they were laying in bed having a smoke.

 The prostitute said "Well Mike, how's it all going?"

 "How's it all going?" he asked. "My life's a disaster.
 I was born to an under-privileged family, had a hard
 up- bringing, was thrown in jail for rape, now I'm on
 parole and I've hit a cop, my wife left me for beating
 her up, I have to pay maintenance for my kids, I've lost
 two world title fights, I've disgraced myself and my
 sport, they want to ban me for life and they won't pay
 me my money.

 Nothing could make my life any worse."

 "Oh, that's so sad" the prostitute said.  "I'll say one
 thing to cheer you up.  You're a much better lover than
 Magic Johnson!"

Subj:     Short Hooker Jokes

Subj:     Maxine Cartoon (S875)
          From: AFine963 on 10/13/2013
Subj:     Man Offers Dead Squirrels To Hooker
          From:  LABLaughsAdult
          on 7/9/2008  (S601c)
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 You can read this cute newspaper article by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Dead Whore - Poem (S416b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/19/2005
 There was a young fellow named Dave.
 Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
 He said,"I'll admit
 I'm a bit of a twit
 But think of the money I save

Subj:     Work For Pay (S530)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/16/2007
..........At: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
    (See 'Chris Pays $100 To See Nora's Breasts' in BREASTS
 and see 'Old Man Wants To See Natalie' in HOOKER1)
 You can see this dirty, cute Sunday type comic strip
 by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Whorehouse Sign - Poem (S412b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/15/2004
 A notorious whore named Miss Hearst
 In the weakness of men is well versed.
 Reads the sign o're the head
 Of her well rumpled bed
 The consumer always comes first

From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/8/2005 (S428b)
 Q: Why is a male prostitute like inspector Clousteau?
 A: They are both Peter Sellers.

                           -(o o)-
.............................Smiley Caught with a Hooker from Smiley_Central