Subj: Hooker2 Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 17 jokes and articles)
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Neon Hooker from
Best Animations
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Subj: Hooker2 Jokes (Gz) (Includes 17 jokes and articles) |
> |
Neon Hooker from Best Animations |
Dear Sam,
The other day I met a very unusual
hooker named Helga in
our old hometown at the corner
of Georgia and Sonoma.
She wore striped pants with
a purple blouse. When Helga
approached me, she explained
that she charged by the inch.
I declined Helga's offer, but
I'm writing you in case you
you were looking for a real
bargain.
Alan
\\\//
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Subj: A Dick
Named Caesar (S487)
From: jbcary1 on 5/19/2006
A rather scholarly young man
goes into a whorehouse to seek
entertainment. He goes
up to the madam and says, "Madam,
I'd like woman for the evening."
The Madam says, "Sir, I'm afraid
all the girls are taken
tonight, but if you'd care to,
I'm available."
So the guy and the madam go into
a bedroom and get undressed.
As he takes off his clothes,
she looks him over and she
notices that, flaccid, he's
only two inches long. But then
the guy says, "Rise, Caesar!"
And his 'whammo' ... a full
12 inches.
So they have a great time, and
after about five hours the
madam is very impressed.
"Sir," she says, "this has been
one of the most pleasurable
evenings of my life. I was
wondering if you'd mind if I
called the girls in so they
could have a look at you.
You're really something special,
you know."
But the guy says, "No, madam,
no. I have come to bury
Caesar, not to praise him."
\\\//
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Subj: Doing
It Messiccan-Style (S478)
From: darrell94590 on 3/14/2006
A Mexican from El Paso found
himself in Dusty Midland, and
decided to approach a prostitute
down on 17th and 3rd. He
asked her, "How much do you
sharge for the hour?"
"$100," she replied.
"Do you do Messican-style?" he asked.
Not knowing exactly what this was, she refused.
He tried to sweeten the deal
and said, "I'll pay you $300
to do it Messiccan-style."
Being the persistent type, he
laid down a final offer.
"I'll give you $500 to go Messican-style
with me! What
do you say?"
Finally, she agrees, thinking,
"Well I've been in the game
for over ten years now. I've
been there and done that, and
had every kind of request from
weirdos from all over the
world. How kinky could
Messican-style be?"
After an hour of every possible
way and position, she
turned to him and said, "That
was fantastic, but I was
expecting something perverted
and disgusting. Where
does the 'Messican-style' come
in?"
The Mexican popped a can of beer
and replied, "I pay
you next Wednesday when I get
my check."
\\\//
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Subj: Two
Prostitutes With Sigh On Car (S434b)
From: darrell94590 on 5/21/2005
Two prostitutes were riding around
town with a sign on top
of their car which said: "Two
Prostitutes -- $50.00."
A policeman, seeing the sign,
stopped them and told them
they'd either have to remove
the sign or go to jail. Just
at that time, another car passed
with a sign saying: "JESUS
SAVES."
One of the girls asked the officer,
"How come you don't
stop them?!"
"Well, that's a little different,"
the officer smiled "Their
sign pertains to religion."
So the two ladies of the night
frowned as they took their sign
down and drove off.
The following day found the same
police officer in the area
when he noticed the two ladies
driving around with a large
sign on their car again. Figuring
he had an easy arrest,
he began to catch up with them
when he noticed the new sign
which now read: "Two Fallen
Angels Seeking Peter -- $50.00."
\\\//
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Subj: Russian
Diplomat And The USA Hooker (S408b)
From: JokesUncut on 11/12/2004
Back in the Cold War days, Ivan
was a diplomat and spy.
He was new to the USA and lived
in Washington, D.C. for past
six months. He soon complained
to Boris, his aide, that he
needed a woman.
Boris dropped off a high-priced
hooker at his door the
following Saturday night. Ivan
plied her with some vodka
and caviar. As she took her
top, he noticed that her
armpits were shaved. He said,
pointing top his own pits,
"Vomen in the old country have
wool - they have wool!"
She responded, "It's customary
and fashionable to shave
our underarms."
They drank more vodka and ate
more caviar. She removed her
slacks. He noticed that her
legs are shaved also. He
repeated, "Vomen in the old
country have wool - they have
wool!"
Once more, she said, "It's customary
and fashionable to
shave our legs."
After more vodka and caviar,
he pulled down her panties and
saw that her privates were trimmed.
He exclaimed again,
"Vomen in the old country have
wool - they have wool!"
She then asked in loud voice,
"Look buddy, did you want to
screw or knit?"
\\\//
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Subj: Jimmy
Carter Picks A Hooker (S405b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 10/18/2004
One day, about a month ago, Jimmy
Carter -- the President
of the United States -- was
looking for a call girl. He
found three such ladies in a
local lounge: a blonde, a
brunette, and a red head.
To the blonde he said, "I am
the President of the United
States. How much would
it cost me to spend some time with
you?"
She responded, "$200."
To the brunette he posed the same
question. She replied.
"$100."
He then asked the same question
to the red-head. She said,
"Mr. President, if you can raise
my skirt as high as my
taxes, get my panties as low
as my wages, get that thing
of yours as hard as the times,
keep it as high as the
prices, keep me warmer than
my apartment, and screw me the
way you do the public, then
believe me, Mr. President, it
aint gonna cost you a damn cent!
\\\//
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Subj: Whores
At A Druggist's Convention (S404)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/19/2004
The madam had assembled some
of her girls for the men in
town for the pharmacists' convention.
"This is Dolores,"
she smiled, "for $250 I can
promise you an exciting evening
starting with a hot tub."
"And this is Connie, available
for $375. She's rigged an
Oriental Swing in her room.
Now lovely Maria," she continued
"can be yours for both straight
and kinky sex, including
bondage. She's yours for
the night for only $300."
"And if you take a fancy to tantalizing
Jenny here, why she
can..."
"Just a minute." interrupted
one of the druggists. "Don't
you have any generic sluts?"
\\\//
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Subj: Trucker
At Restaurant And Whorehouse (S401)
From: JokesUncut on 7/24/2004
A trucker goes into the truck
stop restaurant and orders a
bowl of chicken noodle soup.
After eating a little bit of
it he finds a hair in it. He
starts yelling and cussing,
then storms out of there.
The waitress follows him across
the street to the whorehouse.
She tells the Madam to watch
the son-of-a-bitch because he
stiffed her on the tab and tip.
So the Madam goes into his room,
and there he is with his
head buried between the prostitute's
legs.
"LOOK AT YOU!" she screams. "You
wouldn't pay for that bowl
of soup because of one lousy
hair and now you got whole mouth
full of em!"
He slowly pulls his head out
from between the girls legs and
says, "Yeah, and I'll tell you
something else. If I find a
noodle in here I ain't payin'
for this som' bitch neither!"
\\\//
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Subj: Pres.
Bush Wants A Call Girl (S376b)
From: DoctorDebt on 4/13/2004
President Bush was looking for
a call girl and he found...
three such ladies in a local
bar: a blonde, a redhead and
a brunette.
To the brunette , he said .....
"I am the President of
the United States of America.
How much will it cost me
to spend some time with you?"
She replied, "For you, Mr. President, it will cost $500."
To the redhead he asked the same
question. She replied,
"I will spend all the time you
want for $1,000."
Then he approached the blonde
and asked the same question.
She said: "If you can raise
my skirt as high as my taxes,
get your pants as low as my
wages, get that thing of yours
as hard as times are now, and
screw me as well as you do
the public, believe me, it won't
cost you a damn thing!"
\\\//
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Subj: Grandma,
Prostitutes, And Free Oranges (S341)
From: LABLaughs.com on 8/6/2003
A young woman was a prostitute
and, for obvious reasons,
didn't want her grandmother
to know. One day, the police
raided a brothel and arrested
a group of prostitutes,
including the young woman.
The police had the all the prostitutes
line up in a
straight line on the sidewalk,
just as grandma was passing
by. As soon as she noticed her
granddaughter, she stopped
and asked her what she was lining
up for.
Not wanting her grandmother to
know the truth, the
granddaughter told grandma that
someone was passing out
free oranges and she was lining
up for some.
"That sounds good. I think I'll
have some too," Grandma
said, as she made her way to
the back of the line.
A policeman went down the line,
questioning all the
prostitutes, until he reached
grandma. Looking very
bewildered, he said to her,
"You're so old, how do you
do it?"
"It's easy," replied Grandma.
"I just remove my dentures
and suck them dry!"
\\\//
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Subj: Vet's
Mother Donates Money To Church (S324b)
From: RFSlick on 4/12/2003
The Vet's Mother... (For all the animal lovers out there!)
Every Sunday, a little old lady
placed $1,000 in the
collection plate. This
went on for weeks until the priest,
overcome by curiosity, approached
her.
"Madam, I couldn't help but notice
that you put $1,000 a
week in the collection plate,"
he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every
week my son sends me money,
and what I don't need I give
to the church."
The priest replied, "That's wonderful,
how much does he
send you?"
The old lady said.... "Oh, $20,000 a week."
The Priest was amazed, "Your
son is very successful, what
does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
"That is a very honorable profession,"
the priest says.
"Where does he practice?"
The old lady says proudly, "Well,
he has one cat house in
Las Vegas and another in Reno."
\\\//
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Subj: Mike
Tyson And The Prostitute (S320)
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/18/2003
One night after the big fight
Mike Tyson was a bit
depressed so he decided to get
a prostitute to cheer
him up.
After the act, they were laying in bed having a smoke.
The prostitute said "Well Mike, how's it all going?"
"How's it all going?" he asked.
"My life's a disaster.
I was born to an under-privileged
family, had a hard
up- bringing, was thrown in
jail for rape, now I'm on
parole and I've hit a cop, my
wife left me for beating
her up, I have to pay maintenance
for my kids, I've lost
two world title fights, I've
disgraced myself and my
sport, they want to ban me for
life and they won't pay
me my money.
Nothing could make my life any worse."
"Oh, that's so sad" the prostitute
said. "I'll say one
thing to cheer you up.
You're a much better lover than
Magic Johnson!"
\\\//
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Subj: Short
Hooker Jokes
| Subj:
Man Offers Dead Squirrels To Hooker (S601c)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/9/2008 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Work For Pay (S530)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/16/2007 |
Top
Subj: Dead
Whore - Poem (S416b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/19/2005
There was a young fellow named
Dave.
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
He said,"I'll admit
I'm a bit of a twit
But think of the money I save
Top
Subj: Whorehouse
Sign - Poem (S412b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/15/2004
A notorious whore named Miss
Hearst
In the weakness of men is well
versed.
Reads the sign o're the head
Of her well rumpled bed
The consumer always comes first
From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/8/2005 (S428b)
Q: Why is a male prostitute
like inspector Clousteau?
A: They are both Peter Sellers.
\\\//
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 |
Smiley Caught with a Hooker
from
Smiley_Central |