pussy

>>>
Subj: Pussy Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 62 jokes and articles)

Dancing Cat from
Millanimations

Also see AMAZING file - Twenty seven body painting photos
         ARTIST file - 'Photo Removed From Exhibit'
         BARBER file - 'Little Girl Goes To The Barber'
         BARBIE file - 'Playboy Sells Dolls'
         BATHROOM file- 'Husband Paints Toilet'
         BIRD-CHICKEN - 'A Rooster, A Cat, And A River'
         BIRD-PARROT - 'Three Nuns And A Talking Parrot'
         BROTHERS file- 'Two Old-Maid Sisters Are Virgins'
         BUGS_ETC file- 'Flea Learns How To Get A Ride'
.........CANDY file   - 'A Chocolate Flavored Penis'
         CLOTHING file- 'Shiny New Boots'
         DOCTOR2 file - 'Woman Has Face Lift'
......................- 'Bed Wetting Woman Sees Doctor'
         DOCTOR-SUPP - 'Having Green Spots On Your Thighs'
         DOG2 file    - 'Hairy Dog Is Hard Of Hearing'
         FARMER1 file - 'Johnny Kicks The Animals'
         FROG file    - 'Pet Store Sells "Oral Sex Frogs"'
         GOLF1 file   - 'Golfer Hurt On Course'
         GOLF3 file   - 'Mother Nature And The Golfers'
         ITALIAN file - 'Old Italian Woman Looks for Her Husband'
         JOB STUFF SUP- 'Sexual Harassment'
         KIDS2 file   - 'Son Asks About Dirty Words'
         MARRIAGE2    - 'Husband Goes To Bar, Wife Wants Sex'
.........MARRIAGE6    - 'Cigarettes And Tampons'
.........NUNS2 file   - 'Mother Superior Does Her Rounds'
......................- 'Three Nuns Buy Cucumbers'
         PENIS1 file - 'The Voodoo Dick'
         PENIS2 file - 'Doctor Helps Man Get Erections'
         PENIS3 file - 'Names For Masturbation'
         PLANE2 file - 'Three Black Ladies Prepare For Flight'
         POPE file    - 'The Pope Does A Crossword Puzzle'
         REDNECK3 file- 'Maw Wants Paw To Fix Outhouse'
         SCHOOL-SUPP - 'Little Johnny Has A Substitute'
         SHIPS file   - 'Elderly Lady w/Hat On Ship'
         SOUTHERN     - 'Southern Lady Visits New York'
         Thanksgiving - 'Thanksgiving Dinner With The Pastor'
         TREES file   - 'Lady Slides Down Tree And See Doctor'
============================================================Top

Subj:     Grandma's New Mixer (S497)
          From: LABLaughsClean
          on 8/2/2006

Source: http://www.madmanjokes.com/Movies/Mixer.html

Cute, short, risque movie. You can view it at the source
above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Little Boy Plays With Mannequin's Privates (S532)
          From: darrell94590 on 3/30/2007

A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is standing
outside of the ladies dressing room waiting for his Mom to
come out. While waiting the little boy gets bored and just
when his Mom comes walking out, she sees her son sliding
his hand up a mannequin's skirt. "Get your hand out of
there!" she shouts. "Don't you know that women have teeth
down there?"

The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks
his lucky stars he didn't get bitten. For the next ten
years, this little boy grows up believing all women have
teeth between their legs.

When he's 16, he gets a girlfriend. One night, while her
parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little
action. After an hour of making out and grinding on the
sofa, she says, "You know, you could go a little further
if you want."

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says,
pointing to her crotch.

"Hell no," he cries, "you've got teeth down there!"

"Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no such
thing as teeth down there!"

"Yes, there are," he says, "my Mom told me so."

"No, there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself."
With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little
peek.

"No, I'm sorry" he says. "My Mom already told me that all
women have teeth down there."

"Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her
panties, throws her legs behind her head and says, "LOOK,
I DON'T have any teeth down there."

The boy takes a good long look and replies, "Well, after
seeing the condition of those gums, I'm not surprised!"

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Buying Shoes Without Knickers (S517)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 12/8/2006

The middle-aged wife had just returned to the house on
Saturday afternoon after a shopping trip. She was quite
agitated, and proceeded to tell her husband about a certain
shoe salesman who had been rude.

It seems she was sitting down while he helped her try on
various shoes, and happened to glance up and notice that
she was not wearing any knickers under her dress. Without
even thinking, he just blurted out, "If that thing was full
of ice cream, I'd eat every bite."

Well, she was understandably insulted, and now wanted to
know what her husband was going to do about it.

The husband just sat there, watching football on TV,
and grunted.

The wife became hysterical, and insisted on knowing why he
didn't go down to the shop and punch the rude salesman
right in the nose.

"Well", the husband replied, "There are three reasons I
won't punch that guy in the nose.

First of all, you shouldn't have even been shopping for
shoes, since you have a whole wardrobe full of them.

Secondly, you have no business going shopping with no
knickers on.

But most of all, I'm not going to punch anyone who's
big enough to eat that much ice cream!"

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Raquel Welch Visits 'The Tonight Show' (S420)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 1/28/2005

A clip from "The Tonight Show" outtakes (censored) shows
Johnny Carson introducing sex symbol actress Raquel Welch
in the mid-70's. She was appearing to promote a new film.

When Johnny introduced her, she came on stage dressed in
her usual provocative fashion... but was also carrying a
rather large house cat. Judging by Johnny's look, the cat
wasn't part of the rehearsal.

After much audience jubilance, Raquel took her seat next to
Johnny with her cat resting on her lap. The first words out
of her grinning mouth were, "Johnny, would you like to pet
my pussy?"

Without missing a beat, Johnny replied, "I'd love to, but
your cat's in the way."

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Why The Internet Is Like A Vagina (S415)
          From: JokesUncut on 1/6/2005

The more people use it the bigger it gets.

If you play with it too much you can go blind.

You wouldn't believe the things people put in there!

Some people think they know how to move around in it, but
they really can't interface.

In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to receive
information considered vital to the survival of the species.

Some people still think that's the only thing it should
be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of
the time.

It has no conscience and no memory.

It provides a way to interact with other people.

If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures,
it can spread viruses.

It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If
you use it too much you'll find it becomes more and more
difficult to think coherently.

You think you're just playing around, but you can get
involved in something that takes 9 months to finish.

The part you see is actually just the front end of a very
complicated system.

If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you
in big trouble.

It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your
intentions, it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask
yourself "why on earth did I do that?"

Some folks have it, some don't.

Those who have it think that those who don't have it are
somehow inferior.

Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but
think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make
about it. Still, many of those who don't have it spend all
their time trying to access it.

Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some
people would just play with it all day if they didn't have
work to do.

Some people believe in security and avoiding penetration but
others believe it should be open to all comers.

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Pussy Tricks On A Train (S403)
          From: JokesUncut on 9/27/2004

Joe is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde
wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is
unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his
delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.

The blonde realises he is staring and inquires, "Are you
looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very
talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."

Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.

Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the
wonder pussy can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in
amazement as the pussy winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the
seat. Joe moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick
a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Father And Son Compete (S386b)
          From: mrx on 6/16/2004

There was a father and son who were always in competition
with each other. One day the son left to take an entrance
exam at a university. He wanted to major in medicine. A week
later he returned from his trip looking very down in the
dumps.

"How was the exam?" asked his father.

"They asked quite a lot of 'fill in the missing letter'
questions about first aid and stuff. I got a score of 75%.
It wasn't good enough to get accepted," the boy replied.

"Well in that case I better take that exam myself," the
father said. So off to the university he went. A week later
the father returned from his trip looking very down in the
dumps.

"How was the exam?" asked his son.

"They asked quite a lot of 'fill in the missing letter'
questions about first aid and I got them all wrong but
one."

"Gee, Dad. Which question was that?"

"The question was...", started the father, "What do you do
when you come across a lady which has fainted. You feel her
pu_s_?"

"That's easy", the son replied. "The answer is pulse."

"Oh, hell," said the father," I got that one wrong as well."

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Bathtub Toy (S600b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/7/2008
Source: http://www.buffalosjokes.com/j07.htm

You can view this short, dirty, cute movie at the above
source, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Strangers Have Sex On Beach (S376)
          From: book_reader on 4/11/2004
      and From: Dogstar's Doghouse Issue #7
      at http://mistywoods.topcities.com/dogstar/dog-007.txt

Goldie was sitting on a beach in Florida, attempting to
strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman
reading on the blanket beside hers.

"Hello, sir," she said, "Do you like movies?"

"Yes, I do," he responded, then returned to his book.

Goldie persisted. "Do you like gardening?"

The man again looked up from his book. "Yes, I do," he
said politely before returning to his reading.       _     _
                                                     /\`-"-`/\
Undaunted, Goldie asked.                            )` _ _ `(
"Do you like pussycats?"                           {=   Y   =}
                                                     \   ^   /
With that, the man dropped his book and            /`;'-u-';`\
pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as she'd          | /       \ |
never been ravaged before.                       /\ ;__\ / _/ /
                                              jgs \___, )~(,,),)
As the cloud of sand began to settle,               (_(
Goldie dragged herself to a sitting
position and panted, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man thought for a moment and replied, . . . "How did
you know my name was Katz?"

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Wearing Crotch Less Underwear (S279)
          From: gheckman on 6/2/2002

A young woman who had been married for several years was
growing more and more frustrated at her husband's lack of
interest in sex. She wondered about ways to add some
pizzazz to their sexual relationship, and finally decided
to purchase some crotch less underwear she had seen in a
novelty shop.

One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous and
he was, as usual, watching television, she took a shower,
freshened up, and donned her crotch less undies and a slinky
negligee. She then strolled between her husband and the
television and suggestively tossed one leg up on his chair
arm. "Want some of this?" she purred.

"Are you kidding?" he replied. "Look what it did to your
underwear!"

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Two Old Ladies Were Sexually Harassed (S262d)
          From: dogbyte on 4/19/2002

On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised.
While the passengers were unloading, to do some sight-
seeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his
ear, "Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"

The driver didn't think much of this complaint, but
promised he would check into it soon.

Later, that very same day, as the passengers were
unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and
whispered in his ear, "Sir, I believe I was sexually
harassed!"

This time, he knew it had to be taken care of soon. A
few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided
to go back and question them, to see if they had any
knowledge of what was going on.

He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor
underneath the seats and stooped down to question him.
"Excuse me, sir, could I help you?"

The elderly man looked up and said, "Well, sonny, you
sure can. I've lost my toupee and I'm trying to find
it. I thought I'd located it twice, but they were parted
in the middle, and mine's parted on the side!"

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Fat Head At The Ice Cream Shop (S252b)
          From: dogbyte on 11/26/2001

A husband, wife and a son walk into an ice-cream shop. The
dad says "I'll have a chocolate." The wife says "I'll have
a vanilla." Then the dad slaps his son in the back of the
head and says "What do you want fat head?"

The lady helping them says "Why did you hit him in the back
of the head and call him fat head?"

The husband says, "There are three things in life a man wants:
The first thing is a nice big truck. And you see that nice
big truck sitting out there??? That's my nice truck!!!

The second thing in life a man wants is a nice big house.
You seen that nice big house on top of the hill on the edge
of town? That's my big house!!!

The third thing in life a man wants is a nice tight pussy,
and I had that until fat head came along!!!

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Christmas Tree Decorations (S251b)
          From: dogbyte on 11/22/2001

Mrs. Bandlow says to her husband,.....
"I had the strangest dream last night. It was Christmas,
and our tree was decorated with all kinds of penises.
White ones, black ones, circumcised and uncircumcised,
big and small. And on the top of the tree was the
*perfect* penis."

Mr. Bandlow says, "I bet that one was mine."

She says, "Sorry, honey, it wasn't."

He says, "You know, it's weird, but I had almost the same
dream. A Christmas tree decorated with pussies...shaven
and unshaven, thin and thick lips, scented and unscented...
and the one on the top was the *perfect* pussy."

She says, "I suppose that one on the top was mine?"

He says, "Nope. Yours was holding up the tree!"

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Lucky

A man walks past his doorman in the evening and is greeted.
He replies "Don't call me Mr Smith anymore, call me Mr Lucky"

"Oh why is that Mr Lucky"

"This morning I won the office football pool for $1,000"

"Ok Mr Lucky - Congratulations"

The next eveing he is greeted as Mr Lucky and turns and says
"Don't call me Mr Lucky please call me Mr Lucky Lucky."

"Oh Why is that?"

"Well today I won the lottery the first time I played and
won 50,000"

"Wow Ok Mr Lucky Lucky."

The next evening he is greeted as Mr Lucky Lucky and says
"Don't call me Mr Lucky LUcky anymore. Please call me Mr
Lucky Lucky Lucky!"

"Why what happened today" replied the doorman really curious!

"Well today I was in the park with my girlfriend when that
thunderstorm came along. A bolt of lightning hit my
girlfriend right in the pussy!"

The doormany asks "What is so lucky about that if I may ask?"

Mr Lucky replies "Lucky? It missed my head by just this
(small amount) much!"

                            \\\//
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Subj:     The Daughter ? The Vibrator (S158, S527c)
          From: icohen on 02/07/2000
      and From: rfslick on 2/23/2007

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming
sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened
the door, she found her daughter naked on the bed with a
vibrator. 'What are you doing? She exclaimed.

The daughter replied, 'I'm 35 and still living at home with
my parents. This is the closest I'll ever get to having a
husband.

Later that week, the father was in the kitchen and heard a
humming sound coming from the basement. When he went down-
stairs, he found his daughter naked on a sofa with her
vibrator. 'What are you doing?' he exclaimed.

The daughter replied, 'I am 35 still living at home with
my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to having a
husband.

A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound
again, this time in the living room. This was too much, she
could not handle the living room. Upon entering the room,
she found her husband watching TV with the vibrator buzzing
away beside him and a beer in his hand. 'What are you doing?'
she asked.

The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm going? I'm
having a beer and watching football with my son-in-law!"

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Dog On Pussy (S410)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/24/2004
          At: http://www.ezines4all.com/at200409/063.htm

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Wife Stuck To Floor (S80, S333)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #264 on 98-08-06
      and From: JBCARY1 on 6/16/2003

A woman is drying herself after a shower when she suddenly
slips over and lands spread legged on the bathroom floor.
She tries to stand up again but realises that she landed
so hard that her pussy has stuck to the floor creating such
a vacuum that she can't move.

She calls out to her husband for help. He tries with all
his strength to lift her up but she won't budge. So he goes
next door and gets the neighbour. Both of them are pulling
like oxen but she just won't move. She is well and truly
stuck to the floor.

Suddenly the neighbour says, "Why don't we just get a hammer
and break the tiles around her legs and lift her that way?"

"Great idea," says the husband, "but just let me rub her
tits a little to arouse her."

"Why?" asks a confused neighbour.

"So I can slide her over into the kitchen. Tiles are cheaper
in there."

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Little Old Lady Visits Sex Shop (S224)
          From: thebartend on 98-05-18
      and From: gheckman on 3/3/2001
      (Also see 'Little Old Lady And The Dildoe' in ELDERLY2)

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters
the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very
unstable on her feet, she shakily hobbles the few feet
across the store to the counter.

Finally she arrives at the counter, grabbing it for support.
She asks the sales clerk: "Dddodo yyou hhhave dddddildosss?"

The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies:
"Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many models."

The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu hhhave aaa
pppinkk one, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo
inchesss thththiiickkk?"

The clerk responds, "Yes we do".

"Ccccccannnn yyyyouuuu tttelll mmmmeeee hhhhowwww ttttoooo
ttturrrnnn ttthe ffffuucccckkkkinggg ttthingggg offffff?"

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Trip To The OB/GYN (S64)
          From: Anaise on 98-04-20

True story
In Melbourne (Australia) one of the radio stations paid
money, ($100-500), for people to tell their most
embarrassing stories.

This morning's one netted the proud owner $300.

As the lady said...
I was due later that week for an appointment with the
gynecologist when early one morning I received a call
from his office that I had been rescheduled for early
that morning at 9:30 a.m.

I had only just packed everyone off to work and school
and it was around 8:45 already. The trip to his office
usually took about thirty-five minutes so I didn't have
any time to spare.

As most women do I'm sure, I like to take a little extra
effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time
I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I
rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet the
washcloth and gave myself a wash in "that area" in front
of the sink, taking extra care to make sure that I was
presentable.

I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some
clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when he called
me in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you all do, I
hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of
the room and pretended I was in Hawaii or some other place
a million miles away from here.

I was a little surprised when he said, "My.. we have taken
a little extra effort this morning haven't we?", but I did
not respond.

The appointment over, I heaved a sigh of relief and went
home. The rest of the day went as normal, some shopping,
cleaning, the evening meal, etc.

At 8:30 that evening my 18 year old daughter was fixing to
go to a school dance, when she called down from the bath-
room,"Mom - where's my washcloth?" I called back for her
to get another from the cabinet. She called back, "No -
I need the one that was here by the sink - It had all my
glitter and sparkles in it".

                            \\\//
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Subj:     The Embalmer And The Jumbo Shrimp
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #238 on 98-03-28

Charlie's an embalmer, and one day he says to his boss,
"There's a problem with Mrs. Whittaker."

The boss says, "What's that?"

Charlie says, "I was getting her cleaned up when I noticed
a jumbo shrimp sticking out of her pussy."

The boss says, "That's impossible. Show me."

They go to the table where she's lying, Charlie flips back
the sheet, points, and says, "See? There's a jumbo shrimp
sticking out of her pussy."

The boss takes a closer look and says, "You jerk, that's
not a piece of shrimp. That's her clit."

Charlie says, "Her clit? Well, it sure tasted like shrimp."

                            \\\//
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Subj:     What A Vagina Looks Like (S109)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #212 on 97-11-27
          (Also see 'What Does A Vagina Look Like?' in this file)

Little Johnny has just been to a Father ? Son Night to learn
all about the birds and the bees, but there are a few points
that he's not quite clear on. He asks his dad what a vagina
looks like during lovemaking.

"Well son, at the start of lovemaking, it looks like a perfect
compact rose bud under a brilliant moon lit sky..mysterious,
shadowy and inviting."

"During the act of lovemaking, that rose bud opens as it would
on a spring morn. The dew glistens and sparkles on the petals
as it slowly opens in response to the excitation of the sun."

"And after lovemaking Dad..what's it look like after lovemaking?"

"OK..imagine a bull dog that's just had a bowl of custard."

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Nine Year Old Buys Tampons (S45, S437)
          From: humorlist-digest V1 #265 on 97-12-02
      and From: chicababe1978 on 6/12/2005

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine,
one is four. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons
from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out.

The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
The nine year old replies "Nope, not for my mom."

Without thinking, the cashier responded "Well, they must
be for your sister then?"

The nine year old quipped, "Nope, not for my sister either."

The cashier had now become curious. "Oh. Not for your mom
and not for your sister, who are they for?"

The nine year old says "They're for my four year old little
brother."

The cashier is surprised "Your four year old little brother??"

The nine year old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if
you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike and my
little brother can't do either of them!"

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Screwing His Best Friend's Wife
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #221 on 98-01-07

This fellow was screwing his best friend's wife when he
suddenly stopped and sat on the edge of the bed, holding
his head in his hands.

"What the hell has happened to you?" the lady asked.

"I feel like a regular son of a bitch, getting my best
friend's pussy," the man moaned.

The lady reached over and patted him on the back. "Well,
if that's all it is, you can stop worrying," she said.
"You're not getting his pussy. His pussy is six inches
deeper."

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Short Pussy Jokes

Top

Subj: How To Hypnotize A Man (S579b)
From: tom on 2/26/2008
Source: http://vili.us/hypno.html

How to hypnotize a man and keep him entertained for hours.
Click on the source above, or 'HERE' for the copy on my web
site.

Top

Subj:     The Slurpee (S546)
          From: darrell94590
          on 6/27/2007

You can view this cute, dirty, 1,900 KB movie on my web
site by clicking 'HERE'.

Top

Subj:     Buzzing Panties (S540)
          From: SCOTCOB
          on 5/16/2007

Read why this lady fainted in the supermarket on my web
site by clicking 'HERE'.

Top

Subj:     Carpal Tunnel Syndrome Exercise... (S482)
          From: darrell94590
          on 4/15/2006

To view this dirty, but cute animated GIF, go to my web
site by clicking 'HERE'.

Top

Subj:     Strange Request (S467b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 12/31/2005

Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A19980703
Cute modification of an old drawing. You can view it at
the source above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

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Subj:     What Does A Vagina Look Like? (S465b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 12/15/2005

(Also see 'What A Vagina Looks Like?' in this file)
Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20010205
You can view this cartoon at the source above, or on my web
site by clicking 'HERE'.

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Subj:     20 Ways To Have Fun With A Pussy (S448b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 8/17/2005

Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20050815
You can view this large cartoon at the source above, or on
my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

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Subj: Women And Orange Juice Cartons (S404)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/18/2004
Women are just like orange juice cartons.
Its not the shape or the size that matters,
or even how sweet the juice is.
It's getting those fucking flaps to open...

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Subj: Man Orders A Bush Beer (S335b - bar2)
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/29/2003
A guy walks into a bar and says to the woman bartender,
"Hey, babe, Anheuser Busch?"

"Fine", she says, "and how's your dick?"

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Subj: A Ballpoint Pen You'll Really Love (S296)
From: jerry on 10/1/2002
The Babes In Toyland company has announced a ballpoint
pen that is meant to relieve job related stress in women
by doubling as a vibrator. It has a textured ball that
begins vibrating when placed against an object.

Wireless Flash 27-Sep-02

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Subj:     Country Doctor Delivers Baby With Kid's Help (S169, S443)
          From: RFSlick on 4/24/00
      and From: DoctorDebt on 7/15/2005
(Also see-'Country Doctor Delivers Baby With Dad's Help' in DOCTOR3)
An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to
deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no
electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home
except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.

The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high
so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the
baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a
little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by
the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to
take his first breath.

"Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have
crawled up there in the first place!!"

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's
genitals, but is forbidden from looking directly at them
during the examination. He may only see their reflection
in a mirror.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #251 on 98-06-01
A woman goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she
would like, and she replies, "Bring me a beer."

The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?"

To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?"

From: dogbyte on 5/12/2002 (S276c)
If God didn't want man to eat pussy, then...
He wouldn't have made it look like a taco!

From: LABLaughs.com on 6/24/2003 (S336b)
The spot between a woman's cunt and her asshole.
Called the taint because "taint her twat, taint
her asshole". Also known as the chinrest.

Q: Why do tampons have strings?
A: Cause it's always good to floss after you eat!

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #178
Q: Why do hippo's have sex underwater?
A: How else are you going to keep a 400 lb pussy wet?

Q: How do you turn a city girl into a cotton picker?
A: Cut her tampon string.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #213 on 97-11-29
Q: What do you call a truck loaded with vibrators?
A: Toys for twats.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #224 on 98-01-22
Q: Why is pubic hair curly?
A: If it was straight, it would poke your eyes out.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #224 on 98-01-22
Q: Why do men like big tits and tight pussy?
A: Because they've got big mouths and little dicks.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #224 on 98-01-22
Q: What's the definition of "Indecent"?
A: When it's in long, in hard, an in deep, it's in decent.

From: BREWONETO on 98-02-16
Q: What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?
A: You can eat your Mom's apple pie.

Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
A: You push it to the side before you start eating.

From: BREWONETO on 98-02-16
Q: What is the similarity between a woman and
Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A: By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs,
all you have left is a greasy box to pop your bone in.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #62 on 98-03-12 (S149)
Q: What's the difference between a pick pocket and
a peeping Tom?
A: A pick pocket snatches watches.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #154 on 98-06-23
Five fleas are sitting in a woman's pubic hairs. Two are
smoking pot.
Q: What are the other three doing?
A: Sniffing crack.

From: RFSlick on 98-12-09
Q: What do you call a virgin on a waterbed ???
A: A cherry float.

From: dogbyte on 5/18/2002 (S276c)
Q: What should you do if a pretty
girl sits down on your hand?
A: Try to get her off!

From: kmacinty on 6/23/2002 (S282b)
Q: What's the difference between a golf ball
and a woman's G-spot?
A: A guy will take twenty minutes to look for
a golf ball.

Q: Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters
will improve your sex life?
A: Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.

Q: What's the definition of a vagina?
A: The box a penis comes in.

Q: Why do we have orgasms?
A: How else would we know when to stop?

Q: Can you use indefinitely in a sentence?
A: When your balls are slapping up against her
ass, you're in...definitely!

Q: What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
A: They are both used as substitute meat.

Q: What is good on pizza but bad on pussy?
A: Crust

Q: What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic
hair between his teeth?
A: Glad he ate her!

Q: What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down and/or use a better lubricant.

Q: What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist
have in common?
A: Both can smell it but can't eat it.

Q: What is the definition of wicker box?
A: It's what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna.

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