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Subj:     Sex-Supp Jokes
                 (Includes 31 jokes, 30958,20,no ads,md4?v,18)

Shadow sex from
Free Animated Pics
Includes the following:  Robin Williams - Weapons Of Self Destruction - Video (S757)
.........................Little Johnny Sees His Parents (S628)
.........................MadTV's Best Skit! - Video (S711)
.........................Sex With A Nymphomaniac (S594)
.........................Fake Sprite Commercial From Germany - XX - Video (S706)
.........................George Burns And Oprah Have Sex (S504c, S697)
.........................Two Girls In Bikinis In A Car - Video (S681)
.........................Car Wash Vacuum Sex (S626c)
.........................40 Things You Should Know About Sex by Age 40 (S661)
.........................Jack The Optimist (S621c)
.........................A Dirty Riddle (S596)
.........................Woman's Sex Contract (S175)
.........................Sex Track Race - Video (S564c)
.........................Sex Bar Tab (S553b)
.........................Guide To Safe Fax
.........................Sexual Tension Quiz (S87, S428)
                         Short Sex Jokes
..............................My Sex Life Is Like A Ferrari... - Sign (S821)
..............................Sex At 83! (S717)
..............................Screwing Twins (S756)
..............................Global Facts About Sex (S716b)
..............................If Sex Were An Olympic Event (S624c)
..............................Medical Warning (622c)
..............................Stamp Collecting (S611b)
..............................Are You Lonely (S555c)
..............................Sexy Calendar (S554b)
..............................New Sex Study (S530c)
..............................Sex Flow Chart (S526b)
..............................There's More To Life Than Sex (S523b)
..............................The Sex Alphabet (S502b)
..............................Fantastic Adult Toy (S502b)
..............................Lost Piece (S493)
..............................Nursing Home Orgy (S584c)

===========================================================Top
Subj:     Robin Williams - Weapons Of Self Destruction (S757)
          From: FFXIVPro.com
          on 7/14/2011
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QC4_yRPIRGQ
 Source2: http://de.ffxivpro.com/forum/topic/21375/joke-time/
 (Also see 'Little Johnny Sees His Parents' below)

 This is the last joke done by Robin Williams at his Weapons
 of Self Destruction show.  The joke is a tribute to Walter
 Cronkite and his love for blue jokes.  In the joke little
 Timmy walks into his parents bedroom during sex.  Click on
 either source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to listen and see
 this wonderful, dirty joke.

Top
Subj:     Little Johnny Sees His Parents (S628)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/19/2009
Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images
 (Also see 'Robin Williams - Weapons Of Self Destruction' above)

 One day little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his
 parents room to check it out.  He opened the door to see
 his mom bent over the dresser and dad going at it behind
 her.  Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink as
 Johnny closed the door.

 After business was finished Dad went to check on little
 Johnny.  He opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent
 over the dresser and little Johnny going at it behind her.

 Dad yelled, 'Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!'

 Little Johnny replied, 'It's not so funny when itís your
 mom is it?'

Top
Subj:     MadTV's Best Skit! (S711)
          From: YouTube.com
          on 8/28/2010
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSfA66AlS3Q

 Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to
 see this very funny video.

Top
Subj:     Sex With A Nymphomaniac (S594)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 6/11/2008

 Jon was looking for a little "action." He picked up a sweet
 young thing at the bar and took her back to his hotel room.

 Little did he know that she was darn near a nymphomaniac.
 After six times having sex, she was screaming for more.
 After the eighth time, Jon told her that he needed to slip
 out for a pack of cigarettes.

 On the way out, he stopped into the men's room. He stood
 in front of the urinal, unzipped his pants, and felt a
 moment of panic when he couldn't find his tool.

 After a couple of minutes fishing around, he finally said,
 "Look, it's okay. She's not here!"

Top
Subj:     Fake Sprite Commercial From Germany - XX (S706)
          From: sfo_pilot
          on 7/28/2010 (in Headlines/Ads-Supp)
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lwz5_xXZc4g
 Source2: http://foxnews.gr/wp-content/plugins/vipers-video-
..........quicktags/resources/jw-flv-player/player.swf?file=
..........http://live.fox365.com/videos/funny/2009/sprite_adv_fox365.flv

 This thirty-two second, fake Sprite commercial from Germany
 is porn. Don't watch it if porn offends you.  Click on either
 source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see this dirty video.

 The Coke company has said they did NOT make this commercial.
 You can see the news media's reaction to this fake ad at
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFi1zlctlYI

Top
Subj:     George Burns And Oprah Have Sex (S504c, S697)
          From: darrell94590 on 9/20/2006
      and From: allenbergman on 5/24/2010

 When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by
 Oprah Winfrey.

 Oprah asked, George, how do you carry so much energy with
 you?  You are always working and at your age I think that
 is remarkable.  George said, I just take good care of my-
 self and enjoy what I do when I do it.

 Oprah said, I understand you still do the sex thing too,
 even at your age.  George said, of course I still do the
 sex thing and I am quite good at it.  Oprah said, I have
 never been with an older man, would you do it with me?

 So they had sex and when they finished, Oprah said, I just
 don't believe I have ever been so satisfied, you are truly
 a remarkable man.

 George told her that the second time is even better than
 the first.  Oprah said, You mean you can really do it again,
 even at your age?

 George said, Just let me sleep for 1/2 hour.  You hold my
 testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand
 and wake me up in thirty minutes.

 When she woke him up, they again had great sex and Oprah
 was beside herself with joy.  She said, Oh George, I am
 astounded that you could do a repeat performance and have
 it be better than the first time. At your age, Oh My, Oh My!!!

 George, said that the third time would be even better.  You
 just hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your
 right hand and call me in thirty minutes.  Oprah asked, does
 my holding and touching you kind of recharge your batteries?

 George said, hell no, but the last time I had sex with a black
 woman she stole my wallet!

Top
Subj:     Two Girls In Bikinis In A Car (S681)
          By Segredos da Amazonia on 1/29/2010
          From: darrellvip on 1/28/2010
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8EBd-nv8Ek

 This commercial is very funny and provocative.  Click
 on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see to
 see this sensual video.

Top
Subj:     Car Wash Vacuum Sex (S626c)
         From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/7/2009
 Source: http://digg.com/odd_stuff/Police_Arrest_Mich_Man_For_Car_Wash_Vacuum_Sex

 THOMAS TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) -- Police say a Michigan man
 has been \ arrested after "receiving sexual favors from a
 vacuum" at a car wash.

 The Saginaw News reports the 29-year-old Swan Creek Township
 man was arrested Thursday in Saginaw County's Thomas Township,
 about 90 miles northwest of Detroit.  Police Sgt. Gary
 Breidinger says a resident called to report suspicious
 activity at the car wash about 6:45 a.m.  An officer
 approached on foot and caught the man in the act.

 The suspect, whose name wasn't immediately released, is
 being held  in the Saginaw County Jail.

Top
Subj: 40 Things You Should Know About Sex by Age 40 (S661)
      From: AOL.com on 9/12/2009
Photo from jupiterimages
 Source: http://www.aolhealth.com/healthy-living/relationships
......../what-you-should-know-about-sex

 I've got to admit I didn't know half of these facts.  Click
 on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy, and you too can
 be enlightened.

Top
Subj:     Jack The Optimist (S621c)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/3/2008

 Once, in a small town, lived a man named Jack. Everyone
 in town knew Jack was very optimistic -- even if a
 situation was terrible, Jack could always think of a way
 it could be worse.  Everyone in the town was tired of
 hearing Jack say that, so one day they decided to to lie
 to Jack.

 "Jack, the baker Bob found his wife in bed with another
 man last night! He shot the man and then himself!  Isn't
 that terrible?"

 "Sure, it's terrible, but it could've been worse!"

 "How could THAT possibly have been worse?"

 "Well, if it had been the night before I would've
 been dead!"

Top
Subj:     A Dirty Riddle (S596)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 6/15/2008

 To make it stand,
 You wet it !

 To make it wet,
 You suck it !

 To make it stiff,
 You lick it !

 To get it in,
 You push it!

 Damn !

 Threading a needle when you're older is a BITCH!

Top
Subj:     Woman's Sex Contract (S175)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #317 on 6/5/00

 I, THE UNDERSIGNED, AGREE THAT...

 1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after
 you've drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for
 five minutes, wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I
 shall politely fake one.  And it'll be a really good act
 too, with me saying stuff like "So THIS is screwing!" and
 howling like a cat that's being repeatedly jabbed with a
 needle.

 2. I fully understand that a woman's main role in any
 relationship is to take the blame.  So when you stub your
 toe in the bathroom or your football teams lose, I agree
 that - by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible
 to woman - it will be my fault.  Even if I wasn't there.

 3. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat,
 I will tell them that you are better hung than a large-
 balled Himalayan yak.

 4. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.

 5. After sex (which I will NEVER refer to as "making love"),
 I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm
 goes dead. Nor will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face.

 6. I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname.

 7. In bed, I will be happy as can be to try any novel sexual
 position you fancy.  Especially ones where I do all the work
 and you just lie there, grinning.

 8. I will ruthlessly interrogate my attractive female friends
 and inform you if any of them have the slightest bisexual
 tendencies.  Then I'll invite them around for dinner.  And
 hide their car keys so they have to stay.

 9. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your
 friends or colleagues.  Or anyone else you have ever met.
 Or may one day meet.  And if men attempt to chat me up, I
 will solemnly inform them that you have "ruined me for
 other men".

 10. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computers,
 and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of
 women.  I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to
 operate them, so you're in charge of the lot.  Except for the
 oven, iron and the washing machine, of course.

 Signed: ____________________________________
 Date: ________________

Top
Subj:     Sex Track Race (S564c)
          From: edapsmas on 11/14/2007
 This silly video is of a sex track race.
 You can view it on my site by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Sex Bar Tab (S553b)
          From:  LABLaughsAdult on 8/21/2007

 This is fun to do.  The only catch is that you can't ask
 the person who posted it anything about it! :)  Just read
 the "offense" and if you've done it, you owe that fine.
 Keep going until you've read each "offense" and added up
 your total fine.  Title your bulletin "My Bar Tab is$..."
 You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount
 of your fine.

 Smoked pot -- $20

 Did acid -- $10

 Ever had sex at church -- $10

 Woke up in the morning and did not know the person
 who was next to you-- $50

 Had sex with someone on MySpace -- $30

 Had sex for money -- $200

 Ever had sex with the a Puerto Rican -- $25

 Vandalized something -- $27

 Had sex on your parents' bed -- $40

 Beat up someone -- $100

 Been jumped -- $20

 Crossed dressed -- $11

 Given money to stripper -- $30

 Been in love with a stripper -- $25

 Kissed some one who's name you didn't
 know --$16

 Hit on some one of the same sex while
 at work-- $22

 Ever drive drunk -- $21

 Ever got drunk at work, or went to work
 while still drunk -- $59

 Used toys while having sex -- $40

 Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20

 Went skinny dipping -- $30

 Had sex in a pool -- $10

 Kissed someone of the same sex -- $5

 Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $10

 Cheated on your significant other -- $10

 Masturbated -- $10

 Cheated on your significant other with their
 relative or close friend --$20

 Done oral -- $5

 Got oral -- $5

 Done / got oral in a car while it was moving-- $25

 Stole something -- $10

 Had sex with someone in jail -- $25

 Made a nasty home video -- $15

 Had a threesome -- $50

 Had sex in the wild -- $20

 Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25

 Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20

 Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20

 Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25

 Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50

 Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25

 Went streaking -- $5

 Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15

 Been arrested -- $5

 Spent time in jail -- $15

 Played spin the bottle -- $5

 Done something you regret -- $20

 Had sex with your best friend -- $20

 Had sex with someone you work with at work --$25

 Had anal sex -- $80

 Lied to your mate -- $5

 Lied to your mate about the sex being good --$25

 Tally it up and Title it..."My Bar Tab Is

 --------------------------

 Lorraine's Bar Tab is $333

 Al's Bar Tab is $489

 Now I know I've lived a sheltered life, so you can surely
 get a score above $600.  What are your scores Sam, Roger,
 Darrell, Mary, and Gina?

Top
Subj:     Guide To Safe Fax
          From: Daemonic Funnies Page

 Q. Do I have to be married to have safe fax?
 A. Although married people fax quite often, there are many
    single people who fax complete strangers every day.
 Q. My parents say they never had fax when they were young
    and had to write memos to each other until they were
    twenty-one.  How old do you think someone  should be
    before they fax?
 A. Faxing can be performed at any age, once you can learn
    the correct precedures.
 Q. If I fax something to myself, will I go blind?
 A. Certainly not, as far as we can see.
 Q. There is a place on our street where you can go and
    pay to fax. Is this legal?
 A. Yes.  Many people have no other outlet for their fax
    drives and must pay a "professional" when their need
    to fax becomes too great.
 Q. Should a cover always be used for faxing?
 A. Unless you are really sure of the one you are faxing,
    a cover should be used to insure safe faxing.
 Q. What happens when I incorrectly do the procedure and
    I fax prematurely?
 A. Don't panic.  Many people prematurely fax when they
    haven't faxed in a long time.  Just start over (most
    people don't mind if you try again).
 Q. I have a personal and a business fax.  Can transmissions
    become mixed up?
 A. Being bi-faxual can be confusing, but as long as you use
    a cover with each one, you won't transmit anything you
    are not supposed to.

Top
Subj:     Sexual Tension Quiz (S87, S428)
          From: RFSlick on 98-09-18

 Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues.
 Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being
 described. For every correct answer you give, give yourself
 2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points.

 If you score less than 14 points, you are in need of more
 sex.  If you score between 14 points and 21 points, you are
 in need of more love.  If you score over 21 points, you are
 classed as having a great sex experience. Now please begin.
 

 "CLUES"
 

  1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes.
     When I'm not well, I drip.
     When you blow me, you feel good.

  2. I'm spread before I'm eaten.
     Your tongue gets me off.
     People sometimes lick my nuts.

  3. I assist an erection.
     Sometimes big balls hang from me.
     I'm called a big swinger.

  4. Over 1,000 people went down on me.
     I wasn't maiden for long.
     A big hard thing ripped me open.

  5. You stick your poles inside me.
     You tie me down to get me up.
     I get wet before you do.

  6. When I go in I cause pain.
     I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow.
     I can fill your hole.

  7. A finger goes in me.
     You fiddle with me when you're bored.
     The best man always has me first.

  8. All day long, it's in and out.
     I discharge loads from my shaft.
     Both men and women go down on me.

  9. I go in hard.
     I come out soft.
     You blow me hard.

 10. If I miss, I hit your bush.
     It's my job to stuff your box.
     When I come, it's news.

 11. I offer Protection.
     I get the finger ten times.
     You use your fingers to get me off.

 12. I have a stiff shaft.
     My tip penetrates.
     I come with a quiver.

 13. My business is briefs.
     I am a cunning linguist.
     I plead and plead for it.

 14. I make some guys shoot in the air.
     I usually have a little pecker.
     I'm better in your hand than in your bush.
 

 (answers below)
 
 
 
 

 Answers:
 

  1. nose
  2. peanut butter
  3. crane
  4. Titanic
  5. tent
  6. dentist
  7. wedding ring
  8. elevator
  9. chewing gum
 10. newspaper boy
 11. glove
 12. arrow
 13. attorney
 14. bird


Subj:     Short Sex Jokes

Top.
Drawing from lubin100 on 10/2/2012
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Top
Subj:     Sex At 83! (S717)
          From: lubin100 on 10/14/2010
Drawing from Susty.com
 Click 'HERE' to see this cute joke.
 

Top
Subj:     Screwing Twins (S756)
          From: virv on 7/12/2011
 A friend of mine has just told me he's screwing his
 girlfriend and her twin.
 I asked, "How can you tell them apart?"
 He said, "Her brother has a mustache."
 

Top
Subj:     Global Facts About Sex (S716b) 
          From: tom on 10/6/2010
Drawing from NZGirl.co.nz...
 Click 'HERE' to read these silly, cute facts.
 

Top
Subj:     If Sex Were An Olympic Event (S624c)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 12/26/2008
 Source: http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21215.htm
 Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my file version,
 to view this cute cartoon.
 

Top
Subj:     Medical Warning (622c)
          From: gattica30
          on 12/9/2008
 Recent medical studies conducted in France have
 revealed a serious side effect of excessive
 masturbation.  Click 'HERE' to read the results.
 

Top
Subj:     Stamp Collecting (S611b)
          From: rfslick
          on 9/6/2008
 After seeing these stamps, I want to return to my childhood
 hobby of collecting and licking stamps.  Click 'HERE' to view.
 

Top
Subj:     Are You Lonely (S555c)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 9/7/2007
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20070902
 You can view this cute, dirty comic strip at the source
 above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Sexy Calendar (S554b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult 
          on 8/29/2007
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20070825
 This calendar is very impressive.  It gives you something
 new to try every day of the year.  You can view it at the
 source above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     New Sex Study (S530c in Marriage2)
          From: darrell94590
          on 3/14/2007
 You can read the new sex study of married couples on my web
 site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Sex Flow Chart (S526b)
          From: edbabcock
          on 2/16/2007
 The Power Point Show, "Sex Flow Chart" is quite funny and
 accurate.  You can view it on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     There's More To Life Than Sex (S523b)
          From: LABLaughsClean 
          on 1/24/07
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A19930901
 To view this cute animated GIF, go to the source above,
 or my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     The Sex Alphabet (S502b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult 
          on 8/31/2006
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A19950906
 This is amazing and bizarre.  You can view it at the source
 above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Fantastic Adult Toy (S502b)
          From: darrell94590
          on 9/6/2006
 You can view this useful device through seven animated GIFs
 on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Lost Piece (S493)
          From: LABLaughsAdult 
          on 7/9/2007
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A19961230
 You can view this cute, dirty JPG cartoon at the source
 above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Nursing Home Orgy (S584c in Eld3-Supp)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 3/13/2008
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20060316

 A group of nine love-hungry codgers were kicked out of an old
 folks home in London for having an orgy.  You can read the
 newspaper article at the above source, or on my web site by
 clicking 'HERE'.
 
 

From: http://www.quotationspage.com/qotd.html on 10/17/2007
 An intellectual is a person who has discovered something
 more interesting than sex.  -- Aldous Huxley (1894 - 1963)

From: darrellvip on 2/20/2008 (S579b)
 When I was born , God gave me 2 choices ..
 1:    I could have a great memory ...
 2:   or....I could be great in bed ...

 SHIT  !
 Now I forgot what I was going to tell you ..

From: sam.hutkins on 9/10/2009 (S664b in Black2)
Source: http://www.ronn.com/jokes1.html
 Boy asks his mom "Why am I black and YOU are white?
 She says, "Don't even go there.
 The way that f'ing party went you're lucky you don't bark!"
 

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
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............................Smiley sex from RFSlick.
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