Subj: Sex-Supp Jokes
(Includes 31 jokes, 30958,20,no ads,md4?v,18)
Shadow sex from
Free Animated Pics
Robin Williams - Weapons Of Self Destruction (S757)
This is the last joke done by
Robin Williams at his Weapons
of Self Destruction show. The joke is a tribute to Walter
Cronkite and his love for blue jokes. In the joke little
Timmy walks into his parents bedroom during sex. Click on
either source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to listen and see
this wonderful, dirty joke.
Little Johnny Sees His Parents (S628)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/19/2009
Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images
One day little Johnny heard a
noise and peeked into his
parents room to check it out. He opened the door to see
his mom bent over the dresser and dad going at it behind
her. Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink as
Johnny closed the door.
After business was finished Dad
went to check on little
Johnny. He opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent
over the dresser and little Johnny going at it behind her.
Dad yelled, 'Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!'
Little Johnny replied, 'It's
not so funny when itís your
mom is it?'
MadTV's Best Skit! (S711)
Click on the above source, or
for my copy, to
see this very funny video.
Subj: Sex With A Nymphomaniac (S594)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 6/11/2008
Jon was looking for a little
"action." He picked up a sweet
young thing at the bar and took her back to his hotel room.
Little did he know that she was
darn near a nymphomaniac.
After six times having sex, she was screaming for more.
After the eighth time, Jon told her that he needed to slip
out for a pack of cigarettes.
On the way out, he stopped into
the men's room. He stood
in front of the urinal, unzipped his pants, and felt a
moment of panic when he couldn't find his tool.
After a couple of minutes fishing
around, he finally said,
"Look, it's okay. She's not here!"
Fake Sprite Commercial From Germany - XX (S706)
on 7/28/2010 (in Headlines/Ads-Supp)
This thirty-two second, fake
Sprite commercial from Germany
is porn. Don't watch it if porn offends you. Click on either
source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see this dirty video.
The Coke company has said they
did NOT make this commercial.
You can see the news media's reaction to this fake ad at
Subj: George Burns And Oprah Have Sex (S504c, S697)
From: darrell94590 on 9/20/2006
and From: allenbergman on 5/24/2010
When George Burns was 97 years
old he was interviewed by
Oprah asked, George, how do you
carry so much energy with
you? You are always working and at your age I think that
is remarkable. George said, I just take good care of my-
self and enjoy what I do when I do it.
Oprah said, I understand you
still do the sex thing too,
even at your age. George said, of course I still do the
sex thing and I am quite good at it. Oprah said, I have
never been with an older man, would you do it with me?
So they had sex and when they
finished, Oprah said, I just
don't believe I have ever been so satisfied, you are truly
a remarkable man.
George told her that the second
time is even better than
the first. Oprah said, You mean you can really do it again,
even at your age?
George said, Just let me sleep
for 1/2 hour. You hold my
testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand
and wake me up in thirty minutes.
When she woke him up, they again
had great sex and Oprah
was beside herself with joy. She said, Oh George, I am
astounded that you could do a repeat performance and have
it be better than the first time. At your age, Oh My, Oh My!!!
George, said that the third time
would be even better. You
just hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your
right hand and call me in thirty minutes. Oprah asked, does
my holding and touching you kind of recharge your batteries?
George said, hell no, but the
last time I had sex with a black
woman she stole my wallet!
Two Girls In Bikinis In A Car (S681)
By Segredos da Amazonia on 1/29/2010
From: darrellvip on 1/28/2010
This commercial is very funny
and provocative. Click
on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see to
see this sensual video.
Subj: Car Wash Vacuum Sex (S626c)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/7/2009
THOMAS TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) --
Police say a Michigan man
has been \ arrested after "receiving sexual favors from a
vacuum" at a car wash.
The Saginaw News reports the
29-year-old Swan Creek Township
man was arrested Thursday in Saginaw County's Thomas Township,
about 90 miles northwest of Detroit. Police Sgt. Gary
Breidinger says a resident called to report suspicious
activity at the car wash about 6:45 a.m. An officer
approached on foot and caught the man in the act.
The suspect, whose name wasn't
immediately released, is
being held in the Saginaw County Jail.
||Subj: 40 Things You Should
Know About Sex by Age 40 (S661)
From: AOL.com on 9/12/2009
Photo from jupiterimages
I've got to admit I didn't know
half of these facts. Click
on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy, and you too can
Subj: Jack The Optimist (S621c)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/3/2008
Once, in a small town, lived
a man named Jack. Everyone
in town knew Jack was very optimistic -- even if a
situation was terrible, Jack could always think of a way
it could be worse. Everyone in the town was tired of
hearing Jack say that, so one day they decided to to lie
"Jack, the baker Bob found his
wife in bed with another
man last night! He shot the man and then himself! Isn't
"Sure, it's terrible, but it could've been worse!"
"How could THAT possibly have been worse?"
"Well, if it had been the night
before I would've
Subj: A Dirty Riddle (S596)
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/15/2008
To make it stand,
You wet it !
To make it wet,
You suck it !
To make it stiff,
You lick it !
To get it in,
You push it!
Threading a needle when you're older is a BITCH!
Subj: Woman's Sex Contract (S175)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #317 on 6/5/00
I, THE UNDERSIGNED, AGREE THAT...
1. In the unlikely event of my
not having an orgasm after
you've drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for
five minutes, wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I
shall politely fake one. And it'll be a really good act
too, with me saying stuff like "So THIS is screwing!" and
howling like a cat that's being repeatedly jabbed with a
2. I fully understand that a
woman's main role in any
relationship is to take the blame. So when you stub your
toe in the bathroom or your football teams lose, I agree
that - by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible
to woman - it will be my fault. Even if I wasn't there.
3. Whenever my friends and I
get together for a girlie chat,
I will tell them that you are better hung than a large-
balled Himalayan yak.
4. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.
5. After sex (which I will NEVER
refer to as "making love"),
I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm
goes dead. Nor will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face.
6. I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname.
7. In bed, I will be happy as
can be to try any novel sexual
position you fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work
and you just lie there, grinning.
8. I will ruthlessly interrogate
my attractive female friends
and inform you if any of them have the slightest bisexual
tendencies. Then I'll invite them around for dinner. And
hide their car keys so they have to stay.
9. After we split up, I will
never sleep with any of your
friends or colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met.
Or may one day meet. And if men attempt to chat me up, I
will solemnly inform them that you have "ruined me for
10. I understand that mechanical
objects like cars, computers,
and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of
women. I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to
operate them, so you're in charge of the lot. Except for the
oven, iron and the washing machine, of course.
Sex Track Race (S564c)
From: edapsmas on 11/14/2007
Subj: Sex Bar Tab (S553b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/21/2007
This is fun to do. The
only catch is that you can't ask
the person who posted it anything about it! :) Just read
the "offense" and if you've done it, you owe that fine.
Keep going until you've read each "offense" and added up
your total fine. Title your bulletin "My Bar Tab is$..."
You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount
of your fine.
Smoked pot -- $20
Did acid -- $10
Ever had sex at church -- $10
Woke up in the morning and did
not know the person
who was next to you-- $50
Had sex with someone on MySpace -- $30
Had sex for money -- $200
Ever had sex with the a Puerto Rican -- $25
Vandalized something -- $27
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $40
Beat up someone -- $100
Been jumped -- $20
Crossed dressed -- $11
Given money to stripper -- $30
Been in love with a stripper -- $25
Kissed some one who's name you
Hit on some one of the same sex
at work-- $22
Ever drive drunk -- $21
Ever got drunk at work, or went
while still drunk -- $59
Used toys while having sex -- $40
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $30
Had sex in a pool -- $10
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $5
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $10
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Cheated on your significant other
relative or close friend --$20
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving-- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work --$25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good --$25
Tally it up and Title it..."My Bar Tab Is
Lorraine's Bar Tab is $333
Al's Bar Tab is $489
Now I know I've lived a sheltered
life, so you can surely
get a score above $600. What are your scores Sam, Roger,
Darrell, Mary, and Gina?
Subj: Guide To Safe Fax
From: Daemonic Funnies Page
Q. Do I have to be married to
have safe fax?
A. Although married people fax quite often, there are many
single people who fax complete strangers every day.
Q. My parents say they never had fax when they were young
and had to write memos to each other until they were
twenty-one. How old do you think someone should be
before they fax?
A. Faxing can be performed at any age, once you can learn
the correct precedures.
Q. If I fax something to myself, will I go blind?
A. Certainly not, as far as we can see.
Q. There is a place on our street where you can go and
pay to fax. Is this legal?
A. Yes. Many people have no other outlet for their fax
drives and must pay a "professional" when their need
to fax becomes too great.
Q. Should a cover always be used for faxing?
A. Unless you are really sure of the one you are faxing,
a cover should be used to insure safe faxing.
Q. What happens when I incorrectly do the procedure and
I fax prematurely?
A. Don't panic. Many people prematurely fax when they
haven't faxed in a long time. Just start over (most
people don't mind if you try again).
Q. I have a personal and a business fax. Can transmissions
become mixed up?
A. Being bi-faxual can be confusing, but as long as you use
a cover with each one, you won't transmit anything you
are not supposed to.
Subj: Sexual Tension Quiz (S87, S428)
From: RFSlick on 98-09-18
Instructions: For each answer,
you will have three clues.
Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being
described. For every correct answer you give, give yourself
2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points.
If you score less than 14 points,
you are in need of more
sex. If you score between 14 points and 21 points, you are
in need of more love. If you score over 21 points, you are
classed as having a great sex experience. Now please begin.
1. I am a protrusion that comes
in many sizes.
When I'm not well, I drip.
When you blow me, you feel good.
2. I'm spread before I'm eaten.
Your tongue gets me off.
People sometimes lick my nuts.
3. I assist an erection.
Sometimes big balls hang from me.
I'm called a big swinger.
4. Over 1,000 people went down
I wasn't maiden for long.
A big hard thing ripped me open.
5. You stick your poles inside
You tie me down to get me up.
I get wet before you do.
6. When I go in I cause pain.
I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow.
I can fill your hole.
7. A finger goes in me.
You fiddle with me when you're bored.
The best man always has me first.
8. All day long, it's in and
I discharge loads from my shaft.
Both men and women go down on me.
9. I go in hard.
I come out soft.
You blow me hard.
10. If I miss, I hit your bush.
It's my job to stuff your box.
When I come, it's news.
11. I offer Protection.
I get the finger ten times.
You use your fingers to get me off.
12. I have a stiff shaft.
My tip penetrates.
I come with a quiver.
13. My business is briefs.
I am a cunning linguist.
I plead and plead for it.
14. I make some guys shoot in
I usually have a little pecker.
I'm better in your hand than in your bush.
2. peanut butter
7. wedding ring
9. chewing gum
10. newspaper boy
Subj: Short Sex Jokes
|Drawing from lubin100 on 10/2/2012|
Sex At 83! (S717)
From: lubin100 on 10/14/2010
Drawing from Susty.com
Subj: Screwing Twins (S756)
From: virv on 7/12/2011
A friend of mine has just told me he's screwing his
girlfriend and her twin.
I asked, "How can you tell them apart?"
He said, "Her brother has a mustache."
Global Facts About Sex (S716b)
From: tom on 10/6/2010
Drawing from NZGirl.co.nz...
If Sex Were An Olympic Event (S624c)
Medical Warning (622c)
Stamp Collecting (S611b)
Are You Lonely (S555c)
Sexy Calendar (S554b)
New Sex Study (S530c in Marriage2)
Sex Flow Chart (S526b)
There's More To Life Than Sex (S523b)
The Sex Alphabet (S502b)
Fantastic Adult Toy (S502b)
Lost Piece (S493)
Nursing Home Orgy (S584c in Eld3-Supp)
A group of nine love-hungry codgers
were kicked out of an old
folks home in London for having an orgy. You can read the
newspaper article at the above source, or on my web site by
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something
more interesting than sex. -- Aldous Huxley (1894 - 1963)
From: darrellvip on 2/20/2008 (S579b)
When I was born , God gave me 2 choices ..
1: I could have a great memory ...
2: or....I could be great in bed ...
Now I forgot what I was going to tell you ..
From: sam.hutkins on 9/10/2009 (S664b
Boy asks his mom "Why am I black and YOU are white?
She says, "Don't even go there.
The way that f'ing party went you're lucky you don't bark!"
............................Smiley sex from RFSlick.