>>> Subj:     Basketball Jokes (Gz)                  (Includes 28 jokes and articles)

Basketball Player from Animation Factory

Also see GENIE file   - 'Dennis Rodman Finds A Bottle'
         KIDS2 file   - 'Losing A Contact Lens In Basketball'
         OTHER SPORTS - 'Ball Control'
         POLITICAL-SUP- 'NBA OR NFL?'
         PSYCHOLOGY   - 'Three Nuts At The Insane Asylum'
         QUOTES-CMD-SP- 'Crazy World by Chris Rock'
         TATTOOS file - 'Basketball Player With Tattoos'
         THOUGHTS-KIDS- 'The Failure List'
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Subj:     Vince Carter's Dunk (S546b)           From: MentalBay.com           on 7/2/2007

 Source: http://www.mentalbay.com/realvideo.php?13

 This 700 KB movie is Vince Carter's dunk during the
 All Start Basketball game.  You can see this super
 athletic demonstration at the source above, or on
 my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

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Subj:     Father Sues High School Basketball Coach (S254b)
          From: agrief on 12/12/2001
 Source: http://espn.go.com/highschool/s/2001/1211/1293539.html

 UNION CITY, Calif. -- The father of a high school sophomore
 is seeking $1.5 million in damages and the dismissal of the
 school's basketball coach after his son did not get a spot
 on the varsity team.

 Lynn Rubin sued the New Haven Unified School District on Nov.
 27 because his son, Jawaan Rubin, was told to return to the
 junior varsity team after being asked to try out for varsity.

 The family already had rearranged its schedules to accommodate
 the varsity team's practice times, the suit said.

 Coach Blake Chong, who cited a policy limiting sophomores to
 junior varsity when he cut Jawaan Rubin, did not consult with
 the parents before cutting the boy, according to the suit.

 Chong refused to comment Monday.

 After the player confronted the coach about the decision, he
 was dropped from the junior varsity team, the suit said.

 Rubin, whose older son, Janou, starred under Chong at Logan
 High School and is a sophomore guard at UCLA, said he
 calculated the damages based on potential wages lost from
 his son's possible professional basketball career.

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Subj:     NBA Players Need Your Support!
          From: JOELFALLON on 98-11-22

 With an NBA player's strike against the team owners, now is
 the time for us to show the world just how much we care.  It
 is just not right.  Hundreds of basketball players in our
 very own country are living at or just below the seven-figure
 salary line.  And as if that weren't bad enough, they will
 be deprived of pay for several weeks-possibly a whole year!

 Now you can help!  For about two thousand dollars a day -
 that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV -
 you can help keep a basketball player economically viable
 during his time of need.  Two thousand dollars a day may not
 seem like a lot of money to you, but to a basketball player
 it could mean the difference between a vacation spent golfing
 in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise.  For you, two thousand
 dollars is nothing more than two or three months rent or
 mortgage payments.  But to a basketball player, two thousand
 dollars a day will almost replace his salary.

 Your commitment of two thousand dollars a day will enable a
 player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the
 year old Lexus for a new Ferrari, enjoy a weekend in Rio,
 and pay his lawyer fees to fight child support payments.

 "HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?"

 Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on
 the player you sponsor.  Detailed information about his
 stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate and other investment
 holdings will be mailed to your home.  You'll also get
 information on how he plans to invest the $5 million lump
 sum he will receive upon retirement.

 "HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING"

 Your basketball player will be told that he has a SPECIAL
 FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need.  Although
 the player won't know your name, he will be able to make
 collect calls to your home via a special operator just in
 case additional funds are needed for unexpected expenses.

 Simply fill out the form below.

 YES, I want to help!  I would like to sponsor a striking
 NBA basketball player.

 My preference is checked below:

 [ ] Starter
 [ ] Reserve
 [ ] Star*
 [ ] Superstar**
 [ ] Entire team***
 [ ] I'll sponsor a player most in need.
 [ ] Please select one for me.

   *  Higher cost
  **  Much higher cost
 ***  Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a
      specific team.  (Does not include cheerleaders)

 Please charge the account listed below $2,054.79 per day
 for reserve or starter for the duration of the strike.
 Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored,
 along with a team logo and my very own NBA Players
 Association badge to wear proudly on my lapel.

 [ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express
 [ ] Discover Card [ ] Diner's Club

 Your Name: __________________________
 Telephone Number: _____________________
 Account Number: _______________________ Exp. Date:______
 Signature:  __________________________

 Mail completed form to NBA Players Association or call
 1-888-TOOMUCH now to enroll by phone (Children under 18
 must have parent's approval)

 Note: Sponsors are not permitted to contact the player
 they have sponsored, either in person or by other means
 including, but not limited to, telephone calls, letters,
 e-mail, or third parties.  Keep in mind that the basketball
 player you have sponsored will be much to busy making shoe
 commercials and enjoying his free time thanks to your
 generous donations.  Oh yes, contributions are not tax
 deductable.

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Subj:     The "Autistic" Basketball Player (S578c)           From: bud32252 on 2/16/2008 (in Handicapped-Supp)

 This 7,000 KB movie tells the story of Jason McElway, the towel
 boy on a high school basketball team.  Click 'HERE' to see it.

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Subj:     Short Basketball Jokes

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Subj:     Kobe Bryant Weight Loss (S350)
          From: samhutkins on 10/9/2003
 Since his indictment, Kobe Bryant has lost 15 pounds.
 Seems when he calls Room Service, nobody comes....
 

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Subj:     Too Big Of A House Test (S293b)
          From: jerry on 9/11/2002
 How can you tell that you went overboard and made your
 house too big?  When you need a search party to find
 your 4-year-old daughter who is somewhere in the house.

 Atlanta Hawk's player, Theo Ratliff [The Atlanta Hawks
 are a basketball team], after being unable to locate his
 4-year-old daughter for over an hour within his new
 15,000 square-foot home, had to form a search party to
 go through the house to find her.  She was eventually
 found napping in a guestroom.

 He was warned in advance.  One of his friends says, "I
 told him he was going to lose babies in a house that big."

 Atlanta Journal-Constitution (Atlanta, Georgia) 10-Sep-02
 

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Subj:     The 3 Rs And Basketball (S256b)
          From: jerry on 12/27/2001
 Not one basketball team member on the Western Illinois
 University had noticed, for several games, and after
 appearing in uniform in their media guide, and then not
 until someone pointed it out to them, that "Illinois,"
 emblazoned across their white home team tops, was
 misspelled "Illinios."

 Ananova (UK) 21-Dec-01
 

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Subj:     Computer Experience Not Required (S241)
          From: bonehead on 9/9/2001
 Writer Jack McCallum of Sports Illustrated told CNN about
 a time, back in 1988, when he walked into his Los Angeles
 hotel room and found Boston Celtic's Carren Daye trying to
 insert his bare foot into his computer.

 Turns out Daye was in the wrong room, expecting instead to
 be in a teammate's room, who had told him to come up and
 try out his ''foot sensory machine.''

 Adopted from the Steve Harvey column in the Los Angeles Times.
 

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Subj:     Great Athletic Quotes (S114, S577b)
          From: RFSlick on 3/14/99
 Senior basketball player at the University of  Pittsburgh
 "You guys line up alphabetically by height."

 Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships:
 "I've won at every level, except college and pro."

 1992- Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his
 team's 7-27 record: "We can't win at home.  We can't win
 on the road.  As general manager, I just can't figure out
 where else to play."

 1982 - Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player,
 explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at
 practice:  "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if
 I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

 1991 - Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
 "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or
 apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.' "

 "Are you any relation to your brother Marv?"  -- Leon Wood,
 New Jersey Nets guard, to Steve Albert, Nets TV commentator.

From: RFSlick on 5/31/99
 Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon
 during his visit to Greece: "I can't really remember the
 names of the clubs that we went to."

 Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's
 7-27 record: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the
 road.  As general manager, I just can't figure out where
 else to play." (1992)
 

 A true Bobby Knight story recalled as best as can be
 remembered from the "Morning Briefing" section of the
 L.A. Times:

 In the '80 Olympics, the U.S. basketball team, coached by
 Bobby Knight, played and beat the Chinese team handily.
 When asked about the win, Bobby said, "It was a lot of fun
 playing the Chinese, but an hour later, we wanted to play
 them again."

 "He's great on the court," a sportswriter said of a college
 basketball player in a interview with his coach.  "But's
 how's his scholastic work?"
 "Why, he makes straight A's," replied the coach.
 "Wonderful!" said the sportswriter.
 "Yes," agreed the coach, "but his B's are a little crooked."

 No, but they gave one to me anyway.  - L.A. Lakers rookie
 Elden Campbell when asked if he earned a degree at Clemson
 University

From: BawdyNet test part 3! on 98-03-01
 * Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than
   all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

From: ossama on 3/22/99 (S113)
 Of course, the big story continues to be that bizarre
 creature with the purple jumpsuit, carries a purse, the
 weird head gear... some say he's gay... some say he's
 straight... you know who I'm talking about... Dennis Rodman.
 At his news conference announcing his joining the Lakers...
 was he crying? There's no crying in basketball!  THERE'S NO
 CRYING IN BASKETBALL!!! (Leno)

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 4/11/2002 (S271c)
 The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They
 don't want their team to be associated with crime. From
 now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets.
   -- Jay Leno

From: KMACINTY on 8/13/2002 (S289b)
 Ron Atkinson, "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't
 like it - you can see it all over their faces."

 "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of
 my body."  -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky
 basketball forward.

 "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
   -- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks.

From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 5/6/2005 (S432b - movies)
 My mother had to send me to the movies with my birth
 certificate, so that I wouldn't have to pay the extra
 fifty cents that the adults had to pay.
   -- KareemAbdul-Jabbar
 

 Q: How many NCAA basketball players does it take to
    change a light bulb?
 A: Only one.  But he gets money, a car, and three credit
    hours for it.

 Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
 A: Because it heard the referee was blowing fouls.

From: RFSlick on 98-08-13
 Q: What do you get when you cross Michael Jordan and
    a groundhog?
 A: Six more weeks of basketball.

From: DoctorDebt on 6/1/2003 (S322b - mexican)
 Q: What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
 A: Juan on Juan.

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Smileys playing basketball from Smiley_Central

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