Subj: Golf1 Jokes (Gz2-m3)
(Includes 29 jokes and articles)
Golfer from
Animation Factory
| >>>
Subj: Golf1 Jokes (Gz2-m3) (Includes 29 jokes and articles) |
|
Golfer from Animation Factory |
Also see ARKANSAS
- 'Cadillac
Gets Gas In Arkansas'
BALLS file - 'A
Golfer And His Balls'
DOCTOR-SUPP - 'Three
Texas Surgeons Brag'
GENIE file - 'Wife's
Golf Shot Breaks Window'
......................-
'Three
Wishes From A Frog Genie II'
FACTS2 file - 'Lady
Golfer'
FACTS4 file - 'Golf
Match Ends'
FROG file - 'Golfer
And Talking Frog'
GERMANY file - 'The
World Is Going Crazy'
HEAVEN2 file - 'Don't
Hit The Duck'
HOSPITAL2 - 'Lamaze
Class'
JEWISH1 file - 'Jewish
Wife Was Unfaithful'
JOBS2 file - 'Worker's
Favorite Sports'
LEPRECHAUN - 'Golfer
Meets Leprechaun'
LISTS file - 'Top
10 Things That Sound Dirty In Golf But Aren't:'
MARRIAGE1 - 'Will
Husband Remarry?'
MEN4 file - 'The
Homeless Man'
PENIS1 file - 'Golfer
Hits Hole In One And Meets Genie'
PRIEST2 file - 'Priest
Says Hoover'
......................-
'Priest
Plays Golf On Sunday'
......................-
'Priest
And Youth Play Golf'
......................-
'Priest
And Youth Play Golf II'
......................-
'Priest
Hears Golfer's Confession'
......................-
'Two
Fellows Play Golf'
POLITICAL2 - 'Tiger
Woods To Resign Over Rule Change'
POPE file - 'The
Pope Is Challenged To A Golf Match'
PSYCHOLOGY - 'Marriage
Counselor'
QUOTES-CMD-SP- 'Crazy
World by Chris Rock'
SCOTTISH - 'Scotsman
Washed Ashore On A Island'
WEDDING-HNYMN- 'Man
w/Dick In Splint Has Honeymoon'
- 'Bride
Had Been With Arnold Palmer'
GOLF1, 2 file has best jokes
GOLF3 file contains jokes, oddities
and Q/A
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 |
Subj:
Golf Trivia Challenge (S588)
From: tom on 4/24/2008 |
This Golf Trivia Challenge is
great fun even if you don't
play golf. You can test
your reasoning skills at the
above source, or on my web site
by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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| Subj:
Polar Bear Plays Golf (S567)
From: edapsmas on 12/3/2007 |
 |
\\\//
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 |
Subj:
18 Hole Miniature Golf Game (S593)
From: tom on 5/27/2008 |
This is an excellent miniature
golf game that you can play
at the above source, or on my
web site by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: New
Golf Term (S579b)
From: tom on 2/20/2008
Four retired geezers came into
the pro shop after playing
18 holes of golf. They
were a bit exhausted. The pro
asked, "Did you gents have a
good game today?"
The first old feller said, "Oh, I had three riders today."
The second bent over guy said,
"I had the most riders ever.
I had five."
The third old man said, "I did
about the same. I had seven
riders, the same as last time."
The last ancient sport said,
"I beat my old record. I had
12 riders today.
Aren't you fellers proud of me?"
After they went into the men's
locker room, an elderly lady
club member that had heard the
old gents telling of their
game went to the pro and said,
"I have been playing golf here
for 40 years and thought I knew
all the terminology of the
game..... but what in the world
is a rider?"
The pro said, "A rider is when
you hit the ball far enough
to get in the golf cart and
ride to it."
\\\//
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Subj: Two
Golfers And A Pine Tree (S517c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 12/7/2006
A young man, who was also an
avid golfer, found himself with
a few hours to spare one afternoon.
He figured that if he
hurried and played very fast,
he could get in 9 holes before
he had to head home.
Just as he was about to tee off,
an old gentleman shuffled
onto the tee and asked if he
could accompany the young man
as he was golfing alone.
Not being able to say no, he
allowed the old man to join
him.
To his surprise, the old man
played fairly quickly. He did
not hit the ball far, but plodded
along consistently and
didn't waste much time.
Finally, they reached the 9th
fairway and the young man found
himself with a tough shot.
There was a large pine tree right
in front of his ball and directly
between his ball and the
green.
After several minutes of debating
how to hit the shot, the
old man finally said, "You know,
when I was your age, I'd hit
the ball right over that tree."
With that challenge placed before
him, the youngster swung
hard, hit the ball up, right
smack into the top of the tree
trunk and it thudded back on
the ground not a foot from
where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more
comment, "Of course, when I was
your age, that pine tree was
only 3 feet tall."
\\\//
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Subj: Stevie
Wonder Meets Tiger Woods (S479)
From: drgolfmd on 3/25/2006
Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods
are in a restaurant having
dinner. Woods turns to
Wonder and says, "How's the singing
career going?"
Stevie Wonder replies, "Not too bad How's the golf?"
Woods replies, "Not too bad,
I've had some problems with my
swing, but I think I've got
that going right now."
Stevie says, "I always find that
when my golf swing goes
wrong, I need to stop playing
for a while and not think
about it. Then, the next
time I play, it seems to be all
right."
Tiger says, "You play golf?"
Wonder says, "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years."
Woods says, "But you're blind!
How can you play golf if you
can't see?"
Wonder replies, "I get my caddy
to stand in the middle of the
fairway and call to me.
I listen for the sound of his voice
and play the ball toward him.
Then, when I get to where the
ball lands, the caddy moves
to the green or farther down the
fairway and again I play the
ball toward his voice"
"But how do you putt?" asks Woods.
Well," says Stevie, "I get my
caddy to lean down in front of
the hole and call to me with
his head on the ground, and I
just play the ball toward his
voice."
Woods asks, "What's your handicap?"
Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."
Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie,
"We've got to play a
round sometime."
Wonder replies, "Well, people
don't take me seriously, so I
only play for money, and never
play for less than $10,000 a
hole."
Woods thinks it over and says,
"OK, I'm for that, when would
you like to play?"
Stevie says, "Pick a night."
\\\//
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Subj: Arizona
Golf Course Sigh (S77, S489)
From: Tom_Adams on 98-07-23
and
From: jtgalvan on 6/5/2006
(Also see 'Golf Rules' in GOLF3)
Here is an actual sign posted
at a golf club in Scottsdale,
Arizona:
10. Back straight, knees
bent, feet shoulder width apart.
9. Form a loose grip.
8. Keep your head down.
7. Avoid a quick back
swing.
6. Stay out of the water.
5. Try not to hit anyone.
4. If you are taking
too long, please let others go ahead of you.
3. Don't stand directly
in front of others.
2. Quiet please!... while
others are preparing to go.
1. Don't take extra strokes.
Well done. Now flush the urnal, go outside, and tee off.
\\\//
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Subj: Christmas
Day Golfing (S417)
From: JokesUncut on 1/17/2005
(Also see 'Four Married
Golfer's Problems' below)
Four old timers were playing
their weekly game of golf, and
one remarked how nice it would
be to wake up on Christmas
morning, roll out of bed and
without an argument go
directly to the golf course,
meet his buddies and play a
round.
His buddies all chimed in and said,
"Let's do it! We'll make
it a priority, figure out a way,
and meet here early Christmas
morning."
Months later, that special morning
arrives, and there
they are on the golf course!
The first guy says,
"Boy, this game cost me a fortune!
I bought my wife
such a diamond ring that she
can't take her eyes off it."
Number 2 guy says,
"I spent a ton, too. My
wife is at home planning the
cruise I gave her. She
was up to her eyeballs in
brochures."
Number 3 guy says,
"Well, my wife is at home admiring
her new car, reading
the manual."
They all turned to the last guy
in the group who is staring
at them like they have lost
their minds.
"I can't believe you all went
to such expense for this golf
game. I woke the wife
up early, gave her a couple of
pinches and a wink, and said,
'Well, babe, Merry Christmas!
It's a great morning for sex
or golf, '.... and she said.....
"Take your sweater."
\\\//
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Subj: Four
Married Golfer's Problems (S100, S600c)
From: thebartend on 98-06-29
and
From: LABLaughs.com on 7/4/2003
(Also see 'Christmas Day Golfing'
above)
Four married guys go golfing.
During the 4th hole the
following conversation took
place:
First Guy: "You have no idea
what I had to do to be able
to come out golfing this weekend.
I had to promise my
wife that I will paint every
room in the house next
weekend."
Second Guy: "That's nothing,
I had to promise my wife
that I will build her a new
deck for the pool."
Third Guy: "Man, you both have
it easy! I had to promise
my wife that I will remodel
the kitchen for her."
They continue to play the hole
when they realized that
the fourth guy has not said
a word. So they ask him.
"You haven't said anything about
what you had to do to
be able to come golfing this
weekend. What's the deal?"
Fourth Guy: "I just set my alarm
for 5:30 am. When it
goes off, I shut off my alarm,
give the wife a budge and
say, 'Golf course or intercourse?'
So she says, 'Wear
your sweater.'"
\\\//
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Subj: Two
Rednecks And Two Gays Play Golf (S71, DU)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #252 on 98-06-06
(See 'Two Poofs
And A Truck Driver In An Accident' in GAYS file)
Two rednecks are playing golf
behind two flamingly
effeminate golfers who are just
flitting about after
every shot, every putt, everything.
The rednecks are
getting so mad watching the
unmacho behavior of the two
at the "gentleman's game", so
they decide they're going
to hit into them to get off.
The rednecks' shots are getting
dangerous close to the
two gays, and finally, a shot
from one of the rednecks
hits one of the gays on the
head and it knocks him out
cold.
The other gay is in an angry
panic, shaking his friend
to get up - "Felipe! Felipe!
Get up! Get up...!" -
and at the rednecks - "You bad
men! We are going to
sue you!"
One of the rednecks yelled back,
"You ain't gonna sue us!
I'd just as soon let you suck
my dick!"
The gay heard that and started
shaking his friend, "Felipe!
Felipe! Get up! Hurry!
They want to settle out of court!"
\\\//
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Subj: Assassin
Plays Golf (S14, S598)
From: DoctorDebt on 3/9/2004
(Also see 'Hunter
Buys A New Scope' in HUNTING-CAMPING)
Two old friends were just about
to tee off at the first hole
of their local golf course when
a guy carrying a golf bag
called out to them, "Do you
mind if I join you? My partner
didn't turn up." "Sure,"
they said, "You're welcome."
So they started playing and enjoyed
the game and the company
of the newcomer. Part
way around the course, one of the
friends asked the newcomer,
"What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man," was the reply.
"You're joking!" was the
response. "No, I'm not,"
he said, reaching into his golf
bag, and pulling out a beautiful
Martini sniper's rifle with
a large telescopic sight. "Here
are my tools."
"That's a beautiful telescopic
sight," said the other friend,
"Can I take a look? I
think I might be able to see my house
from here." So he picked
up the rifle and looked through the
sight in the direction
of his house. "Yeah, I can see my
house all right. This
sight is fantastic. I can see right
in the window." "Wow,
I can see my wife in the bedroom.
Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!!
Wait a minute, that's my
neighbor in there with her.......He's
naked, too!!! The
bitch!"
He turned to the hitman, "How
much do you charge for a hit?"
"I do a flat rate, for you,
one thousand dollars every time
I pull the trigger."
"Can you do two for me now?" "Sure,
what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife, she's
always been mouthy, so shoot
her in the mouth. Then
the neighbor, he's a friend of mine,
and just a kid, so just shoot
his dick off to teach him a
lesson." The hitman took
the rifle and took aim, standing
perfectly still for a
few minutes. "Are you going to do
it or not?" said the golfer
impatiently.
"Just be patient," said the hitman
calmly, "I think I can
save you a grand here....."
\\\//
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Subj: Senator
Has Hooker And Plays Golf (S02, S601)
An important senator arranges
to use an escort service (high-
class prostitution) and winds
up with this beautiful japanese
girl who speaks little English,
but hey, he wasn't in the
mood for conversation anyway.
So they get at it, and she
gets into it like no woman he's
ever seen! She starts
yelling, "Gama Su!, Gama Su!"
while making faces. He can
tell he's driving her crazy!
He's never had it so good.
The next morning, he's golfing
with the Japanese ambassador,
and he makes a birdie.
He suddenly remembers the word that
the woman yelled at what must
have been the moment of
climax the night before, and
he yells it out. The ambassador
looks at him rather oddly, looks
at the pin, and says, "no,
that was the right hole..."
Note
The phrase may also have been
'Achii Hi, Achii Hi!', 'Ben-wah,
or Ben-wah'.
\\\//
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Subj: Golfing
Lawyer Meets Beautiful Babe (S17, S603)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #167
This lawyer was so fanatical
about his golf game that he
played every day. One
morning after he has competed the
first hole and was just about
ready to tee off on the
second, he noticed the most
gorgeous woman he had ever
seen putting alone on the first
green.
The lawyer waited until the woman
had reached the second
tee and asked if she would like
to join him, and they could
finish together. To his
surprise the woman agreed, and
they played the remaining holes.
Not only was this woman
beautiful, she was also a good
golfer.
When they completed their round,
the lawyer told the woman
that, not only was he a lawyer,
but he was also a cordon
bleu chef and wine buff.
He invited her back to his place
for a meal and a few drinks.
The woman accepted enthusiastically
and off they went. Back
at the house, the lawyer cooked
a magnificent meal. In fact
it was more than just cooking;
it was a performance to behold.
They enjoyed good food, good
wine and good conversation. After
the meal, the woman repaid the
lawyer with the best oral sex
he had ever experienced.
The lawyer was so taken by the
beauty and skill of this woman
that he desired her to no end.
He then asked if she would
like to play golf the following
morning, to which she agreed.
Once again, they enjoyed a great
game of golf together, a
magnificent evening meal, and
once more the lawyer received
sensational oral sex.
This went on for three weeks,
when the lawyer finally said,
"Listen, the golf and the company
has been fantastic! But,
there is only so much oral sex
a man can take. When are we
going to go at it?"
"We can't." said the woman. "Why
not?" cried the lawyer.
"Because I'm a transvestite."
replied the woman.
"YOU BITCH!" screamed the lawyer.
"I can't believe you have
been playing off the LADIES'
TEES FOR THE LAST THREE WEEKS!!!"
\\\//
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Subj: Man
Hit By Golf Ball (S67, S560)
From: Tom_Adams on 98-05-13
and
From: darrellvip on 10/13/2007
A couple of women were playing
golf one sunny Saturday
morning. The first of
the two-some teed-off and watched
in horror as the ball headed
directly toward a foursome
of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one
of the men and he immediately
clasped his hands together
at his crotch, fell to the ground
and proceeded to roll
around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the
man and immediately began
to apologize. She then
explained that she was a physical
therapist and offered to help
ease his pain.
"Please allow me to help, I'm
a physical therapist and I
know I could relieve your pain
if you'd just allow me,"
she told him earnestly.
"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be
all right... I'll be fine
in a few minutes," he
replied as he remained in the
fetal position still clasping
his hands together at his
crotch.
The woman persisted, and he finally
allowed her to help
him. She gently took his
hands away and laid them to
the side, she loosened his pants,
and she put her hands
inside. She began to massage
him. She then asked him,
"How does that feel?"
The man looked up at her and
replied, ""It feels great,
but my thumb still hurts like
hell."
\\\//
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| Subj:
Dumb Golfers And Beer (S585)
From: tom on 4/7/2008 |
 |
How many beers before you would
make this movie?
Click 'HERE'
to see these dumb golfers.
\\\//
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Subj: Guy
And His Wife Shoot A Round Of Golf (S164, DU)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 03/22/2000
Guy is constantly being bugged
by his wife to take her golfing.
Finally he gives in. Not
wanting to be seen by his buddies,
he takes her to a course on
the outskirts of town located next
to an old farm. About
the 5th hole he slices to the right and
the ball lands right in front
of a barn which now stands between
the ball and the hole.
Although he did not have a clear shot to
the green, his wife noticed
that there were two doors on the
shack, and there was a possibility
that, if both doors were opened,
he might be able to hit through.
Without hesitation, he instructed
his wife to go around to the
other side and open the far
door. Sure enough, this gave him a
clear path to the green.
He stepped up to his ball and prepared
to hit. His wife had been
standing by the far door, waiting for
him to hit through. After
a moment, she became curious and stuck
her head in the doorway to see
what he was doing. At that exact
moment, the husband cracked
a three-wood that hit his wife square
on the forehead, killing her
instantly.
Two years later, he's playing
the same course with a bunch of
guys and he slices the ball
to the same spot on the same hole.
When one of his pals suggests
he open the barn doors and hit the
ball through.
The man replies, "I tried that last time, it was a disaster."
"Why, what happened?" his friend asked.
"I had a bloody seven."
\\\//
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Subj: Golfer
Dies On The Course (DU)
One night a man returns home
well after dark after having
supposedly left at 6:30 that
morning to play golf. His
wife is furious and demands
to know where he's been.
"Well, I got up this morning
at 6:30, went to the car and
it wouldn't start. So
I called Frank to drive and it was
7:15 until he could pick me
up. On our way to the course,
Frank gets a flat tire so we
have to walk 8 miles to the
nearest station to get someone
to help us. By the time we
finally get going again, it's
10:30. When we get to the
course, there is a seniors group
going off so we have to
wait two hours before we can
tee off."
"Yeah, but that was still almost
eleven hours ago!" his
wife nagged.
"Well, we were playing along
when on the fifth hole a golf
ball comes whizzing by and strikes
Frank in the head,
killing him. So for the
next thirteen holes, its hit the
ball, drag Frank, hit the ball,
drag Frank, hit the ball."
\\\//
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Subj: Golfer
Hurt On Course (S15, S563)
From: RFSlick on 4/22/2002
and
From: ginafm on 11/4/2007
A man staggers into an emergency
room with two black
eyes and a golf club wrapped
tightly around his throat.
Naturally the doctor asks him
what happened. "Well, it
was like this," said the man.
"I was having a quiet
round of golf with my wife when
she sliced her ball into
a pasture of cows."
"We went to look for it and while
I was rooting around, I
noticed one of the cows had
something white at its rear
end."
"I walked over and lifted up
the tail and sure enough,
there was my wife's golf ball...
stuck right in the middle
of the cow's butt. That's when
I made my mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the tail and
yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this
looks like yours!'"
\\\//
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Subj: Golfer
Stranded On Island (S389, S599b)
From: Anonymous Jr on July 5,2004
(Also see 'Scotsman
Washed Ashore On A Island' in SCOTTISH)
This man got stranded on an island
in the middle of the
ocean. For eleven years,
he was stuck there until, one
day, he saw a liferaft in the
lagoon. He watched with
excitement as a very attractive
young woman got out of the
raft and waded to the shore,
her wet and tattered dress
gripping her curvaceous body.
It seems that her ship hit the
coral reef near the island
during the previous night while
a big party was going
onboard and the woman had just
enough time to jump into the
raft with her purse before the
ship quickly sank.
The man, overjoyed at seeing
another person, blurts out his
whole story about how he managed
to live on the island
alone, how he learned to live
off the land, surviving by
his wits.
"How long did you say you've
been on this island?" she
asked.
"Eleven long years," he replied.
"How long has it been since you
had a smoke? Care for one?"
she then asked as she pulled
a cigarette out of her purse.
"Oh yes, indeed!" exclaimed the man.
The woman handed the man a cigarette,
who smoked it with
great relish.
"How long has it been since you
had a drink?" asked the
woman.
"Eleven long years!" replied the poor man.
The woman reaches into her purse
and pulls out a flask
with some liquor in it and handed
it to the man who drank
it with a sigh.
"Gee, I just realized.
You've been on this island for
eleven years and I guess you
haven't had any human contact
or intimacy all this time...how
long has it been since you
played around?" asked the woman
then with a wolfish grin on
her face.
"Well, eleven long years also" the man replied with a smile.
The woman, with a sexy gaze,
began to unzip her dress and
dropped her purse onto the ground.
"Holy smokes!" exclaimed the
very excited man. "Don't tell
me you have a set of golf clubs
in there, too!!!!"
\\\//
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Subj: Golf
Match During Funeral (S28, S604c)
From: Joke of the Day
and
From: Anonymous Jr on July 7,2004
(Also see 'Superbowl Seats'
in FOOTBALL)
A golfer and his buddies where
playing a big round of golf
for $200. At the eighteenth
green the golfer had a ten foot
putt to win the round, and the
$200.
As he was lining up his putt,
a funeral procession started to
pass by. The golfer set down
his putter, took his hat off,
placed it over his chest, and
began to wait for the funeral
procession to pass. After it
passed, he picked up his putter
and returned to lining up his
putt.
One of his buddies said, "That
was the most touching thing I
have ever seen. I can't believe
you stopped playing,
possibly loosing your concentration,
to pay your respects."
"Well, we were married for 25 years."
\\\//
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Subj: Husband
And Wife Have Golf Lessons (S462)
From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/1/2005
A husband and wife love to play
golf together, but neither
of them are playing like they
want to, so they decide to
take private lessons.
The husband has his lesson first.
After the pro sees his swing,
he says, "No, no, no," you're
gripping the club way too hard!"
"Well, what should I do?" asks the man.
"Hold the club gently," the pro
replied, "just like you'd hold
your wife's breast." The
man takes the advice, takes a swing,
and POW! He hits the ball 250
yds straight up the fairway.
The man goes back to his wife
with the good news, and the wife
can't wait for her lesson.
The next day the wife goes for
her lesson. The pro watches
her swing and says, "No, no,
no, you're gripping the club way
too hard."
"What can I do?" asks the wife.
"Hold the club gently, just like
you'd hold your husband's
penis." The wife listens
carefully to the pro's advice, takes
a swing, and THUMP. The
ball goes straight down the fairway ...
about 15 ft. "That was
great," the pro says, "Now, take the
club out of your mouth, put
it in your hands, and we'll go for
distance."
\\\//
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Subj: Golf
Pro Teaches Sweet Young Thing (DU)
The golf pro was teaching some
sweet young thing how to golf.
He was standing behind here
holding her arms showing her how
to swing the club. Suddenly,
his belt buckle got stuck in
the cloth of her shorts and
wouldn't come loose. "Don't worry,
I've got a pair of pliers back
at the clubhouse and I'll have
us loose in a jiffy."
So there they were walking back
to front toward the clubhouse
when a dog saw them. The
dog took one look, and then went
racing around the side of the
clubhouse, and coming back,
threw a bucket of water on them.
\\\//
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Subj: Man
And His Secretary Have An Affair (S240, S605)
From: CatScratch on 9/2/2001
A married man and his secretary
were having a torrid affair.
One afternoon they couldn't
contain their passion, so they
rushed over to her place where
they spent the afternoon
making passionate love.
When they were finished, they fell
asleep and didn't wake up until
8 o'clock.
They got dressed quickly.
Then the man told his secretary
to take his shoes outside and
rub them on the lawn.
Bewildered, she does as he asks
(thinking he was pretty
weird).
The man finally gets home and
his wife meets him at the
door. Upset, she asks
where he's been. The man replies
"I cannot tell a lie. My secretary
and I are having an
affair. Today we left
work early, went to her place,
spent the afternoon making love
then fell asleep. That's
why I'm late."
The wife looks at him, takes
notice of his shoes and says,
"I can see those are grass stains
on your shoes. YOU
GODDAMN LIAR!!! You've been
playing golf again, haven't you?"
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Subj: Golfer
Dies And Goes To Heaven (S558b)
From: SCOTCOB on 9/28/2007
A man dies and approaches the
pearly gates where he encounters
St. Peter. "Ah," says
St. Peter, "we've been expecting you.
I'd like to let you walk through
the pearly gates here, and
looking through my book, I notice
you've lived a good life....
BUT...I see that one time, ONE
TIME, you got a little angry
and said the "F" word, didn't
you?"
"Yes," says the man, "but it was only one time."
St. Peter: "Well, I've
been known to make an exception when
there are extenuating circumstances."
Man: "Well, I said the "F" word when I was playing golf.."
St. Peter: "Oh, so you're
a golfer, are you? Well that
explains a lot. Go ahead
and tell me why you said the "F"
word."
Man: "Well, I was playing
in a tournament, and I had a one
stroke lead. As I started
into my backswing for my drive
on the last hole, just at the
peak of my swing, I realized
that I had chosen the wrong
club! I had the five iron
instead of the four iron..."
St. Peter: "And THAT'S when you said the "F" word?"
Man: "Well, no, as it turned
out I hit the five iron shot
of my life! The ball was
headed straight up the fairway,
when all of a sudden, a passing
bird flew right into the
ball's path..."
St. Peter: "You said the "F" word then, didn't you?"
Man: "Well, no, just as the bird
got to the ball, it
started to hook, and the bird
actually helped direct the
ball towards the green where
it landed and started to
roll towards the cup!
It was rolling real well, when
all of a sudden, a squirrel
came onto the green and came
towards my ball..."
St. Peter: "The "F" word, you said it then, yes?"
Man: "Well, the squirrel actually
pushed the ball towards
the hole, where it stopped rolling
just about 2 inches
from the cup.."
St. Peter:" You didn't miss the fucking putt, did you?!?!?"
\\\//
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Subj: Famous
Men (S605b)
Did you know who in 1923 was:
1. president of the largest
steel company?
2. President of the largest
gas company?
3. President of the New York
Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of
International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?
These men should have been considered
some of the world's most
successful men. At least
they found the secret of making money.
Now more then 55 years later,
do you know what has become of
these men?
1. The President of the largest
steel company, Charles Schwab,
died a pauper.
2. The President of the largest
gas company, Edward Hopson,
is insane.
3. The President of the N.Y.S.E.,
Richard Whitney, was released
from prison to
die at home.
4. The greatest wheat speculator,
Arthur Cooger, died abroad,
penniless.
5. The President of the Bank
of International Settlement shot
himself.
6. The Great Bear of Wall Street,
Cosabee Rivermore, died of
suicide.
The same year, 1923, the winner
of the most important golf
championship, Gene Sarazan,
won the U.S. Open and PGA
Tournaments. Today he
is still playing golf and is solvent.
CONCLUSION: STOP WORRYING ABOUT BUSINESS AND START PLAYING GOLF.
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 |
Subj:
Distracting Your Instructor (S518b)
From: RDOBRY on 12/20/2006 |
You can view this cute golf picture
on my web site by clicking
'HERE'.
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| Subj:
Lady Golfer Stung By Bee (S482b)
From: Bartender Joke Of The Day on 07/05/97 and From: darrell94590 on 4/16/2006 |
 |
You can view this joke with picture
on my web site by
clicking 'HERE'.
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 |
Subj:
The Wizard of Id (S607b)
by Parker and Hart Drawing from Creators.com |
You can view this cute comic
strip about golf by clicking
'HERE'.
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| Subj:
Coming Between A Couple...(Drawing - S387b)
From: mrx on 6/18/2004 Source: http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/032.htm |
 |
You can view this cute cartoon
at the source above, or on my
web site by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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 |
Smiley playing golf from
Smiley_Central |