Subj: Skiing Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 8 jokes and articles)
Ski Boots from
Animation Factory
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Subj: Skiing Jokes (Gz) (Includes 8 jokes and articles) |
|
Ski Boots from Animation Factory |
Also see DARWIN AWRDS1- 'Skiing
Death'
HOSPITAL2 - 'Nurse
Picabo Street'
WOMEN1 file - 'Widow
Farmer And Two Skiers'
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Subj: Skiing
Accident (S484)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/27/2006
Even if you aren't a skier, you'll
be able to appreciate
the humor of the slopes as written
by a New Orleans
paper:
A friend just got back from a
holiday skiing trip to
Utah with the kind of story
that warms the cockles
of anybody's heart.
Conditions were perfect...12
below, no feeling in the
toes, basic numbness all over..the
"Tell me when we're
having fun" kind of day.
One of the women in the group
complained to her husband
that she was in dire need of
a rest room. He told her
not to worry, that he was sure
there was relief waiting
at the top of the lift in the
form of a powder room for
female skiers in distress. He
was wrong, of course, and
the pain did not go away. If
you've ever had nature hit
its panic button in you, then
you know that a temperature
of 12 below doesn't help matters.
With time running out, the woman
weighed her options.
Her husband, picking up on the
intensity of the pain,
suggested that since she was
wearing an all-white ski
outfit, she should go off in
the woods and no one would
even notice. He assured
her, "The white will provide
more than adequate camouflage."
So she headed for the
tree line, began lowering her
ski pants and proceeded to
do her thing.
| If you've
ever parked on the side of
a slope, then you know there is a right way and wrong way to set your skis so you don't move. Yup, you got it!!! She had them positioned the wrong way. Steep slopes are not forgiving...even during the most embarrassing moments. Without warning, the woman found
|
 |
Drawing from
Snopes.com |
The woman skied back under the
lift and finally collided
violently with a pylon. The
bad news was that she broke
her arm and was unable to pull
up her ski pants. At long
last her husband arrived, putting
an end to her nudie
show, then summoned the ski
patrol. They transported her
to a hospital.
While in the emergency room,
a man with an obviously
broken leg was put in the bed
next to hers. "So, how'd
you break your leg?" she asked,
making small talk.
"It was the stupidest thing
you ever saw," he said. "I
was riding up this ski lift
and suddenly, I couldn't
believe my eyes! There
was this crazy woman skiing
backward, out-of-control, down
the mountain, with
her bare bottom hanging out
of her pants. I leaned over
to get a better look and fell
out of the lift." ......
"So, how'd you break your arm?"
Even though this was published
in a New Orleans
paper, it is a urban legend
as stated in
http://www.snopes.com/embarrass/accident/skier.asp
\\\//
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Subj: First
Date Sking (S240b, S523)
From: RFSlick on 9/4/2001
and
From: darrell94590 on 1/22/2007
For all those people who thought
they'd had the worst first
date ever. This was on
the Jay Leno show on 9-7-99. Jay
went into the audience to find
the most embarrassing first
date that a woman ever had.
The winner described her worst
first date experience.
There was absolutely no question as
to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter
... snowing and quite cold and
the guy had taken her skiing.
It was a day trip (no overnight).
They were strangers, after all,
and truly had never met
before. The outing was
fun but relatively uneventful until
they were headed home late that
afternoon. They were
driving back down the mountain
when she gradually began to
realize that she should not
have had that extra latte
apres-ski. They were about
an hour away from anywhere
with a restroom and in the middle
of nowhere. Her
companion suggested she should
try to hold it, which she
did for a while.
Unfortunately, because of the
heavy snow and slow going,
there came a point where she
told him that he had better
stop and let her pee beside
the road, or it would be the
front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly
crawled out beside the car,
yanked her ski pants down
and started. Unfortunately,
in the deep snow she didn't
have good footing, so she let
her butt rest against the
rear fender to steady herself.
Her companion stood on
the other side of the car watching
for traffic and indeed
was a real gentleman and refrained
from peaking. All she
could think about was the relief
she felt despite the
rather embarrassing nature of
the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon
became aware of another
sensation. As she bent
to pull up her pants, the young
lady discovered her buttocks
were firmly glued against
the car's fender. Thoughts
of tongues frozen to pump
handles immediately came to
mind as she attempted to
disengage her flesh from the
icy metal. It was quickly
apparent that she had a brand
new problem due to the
extreme cold. Horrified
by her plight and yet aware of
the humor she answered her date's
concerns about "what
was taking so long" with a reply
that indeed, she was
freezing her butt off and needed
some assistance!" He
came around the car as she tried
to cover herself with
her sweater and then, as he
looked imploringly into his
eyes, he burst out laughing.
She too, got the giggles
and when they finally managed
to compose themselves,
they assessed her dilemma.
Obviously, as hysterical as
the situation was, they also
were faced with a real
problem. Both agreed it
would take something hot to
free her chilly cheeks from
the grip of the icy metal.
Thinking about what had gotten
her into the predicament
in the first place both quickly
realized that there was
only one way to get her free
so, as she looked the other
way, her first time date proceeded
to unzip his pants
and peed her butt off the fender.
As for the Tonight Show... she
took the prize hands
down... Or perhaps that should
be "pants down."
And you thought your first date was embarrassing.
Jay Leno's comment - - - - This
gives a whole new
meaning to being "pissed off".
\\\//
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Subj: Three
Guys Go Skiing (DU)
Three guys drive to a ski range
and arrive late at night.
They finally find a place to
stay, but when they get to
their room, they find that it
only has one large bed, and
this is the last room in the
place. They decide, 'What
the heck, it's only one night'
and share the bed.
The next morning, they all wake
up. The guy on the left
side of the bed says, "I had
the strangest dream. I
thought some guy was jerking
me off."
The guy on the other side of
bed is shocked. "I had the
same dream, too!"
The guy who slept in the middle
says, "Well, I didn't have
that dream. I had a dream that
I was skiing!"
\\\//
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Subj: How
To Prepare For The Ski Season (DU)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #15 on 98-01-16
This is sent to remind skiers
how to prepare for the ski
season and to remind non-skiers
why they do not ski:
Visit your local butcher and
pay $30 to sit in the walk-in
freezer for an hour. Afterwards,
burn two $50 dollar bills
to warm up. Go to the
nearest hockey rink and walk across
the ice 20 times in your ski
boots carrying two pairs of
skis, accessory bag and poles.
Pretend you are looking for
your car. For ski boot
simulation at home, put a pebble in
your street shoes and tighten
a C-clamp around your toes.
Buy a pair of gloves and immediately
throw one away. Go to
McDonald's and insist on paying
$6.50 for a hamburger. Be
sure to wait in the longest
line. Clip a lift ticket to the
zipper of your jacket and ride
a motorcycle fast enough to
make the ticket lacerate your
face. Drive slowly for five
hours - anywhere - as long as
it's in a snowstorm and you're
following an 18 wheeler.
Fill a blender with ice, hit the
pulse button and let the spray
blast your face. You'd almost
believe you're skiing in front
of a snow maker! Dress up in
as many clothes as you can and
then proceed to take them off
because you have to go to the
bathroom. Repeat all of the
above every Saturday and Sunday.
\\\//
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Subj: Short
Skiing Jokes
 |
Subj:
Impressive Ski Jump (S546b)
From: MentalBay.com on 7/2/2007 |
| Subj:
Skiing Backflip (S489b)
From: Fun Page Exchange on 6/5/2006 At: www.funpageexchange.com |
 |
 |
Subj:
Skiing In United Arab Emirates (S474c)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/7/2006 |
| Subj:
Writing Your Name In The Snow (S420)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/28/2005 |
 |
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 |
Smiley sking from
Millan Net Gif Animations |