Subj: Skiing and Winter Sports Jokes
(Includes 14 jokes and articles, 17992,11,cf,wXT3,9)
Ski Boots from
Also see DARWIN AWRDS1- 'Skiing
HORSE file - 'Water Skiing Behind A Horse' - Video
HOSPITAL2 - 'Nurse Picabo Street'
MOTHERS-SUPP - 'Procter And Gamble's Moms Commercial'
MOVIES-SUPP - 'People Are Awesome (Don's Version) 2011'
REDNECK-SUPP - 'Redneck Waterskiing' - GIF And Video
WOMEN1 file - 'Widow Farmer And Two Skiers'
Subj: 360 Degree Photo of the Olympic Bobsleigh Track (S893d)
Photographed by Visualise on 2/23/2014
This 360 degree photo is of the
2014 Sochi Olympic Games four
man bobleigh track. To get the full 360 degree view of the
bobleigh track, click and drag the mouse up, and down and side
to side. There are twenty-seven 360 degree photos of the
2014 Winter Olympics available through the bottom clicks.
Click 'HERE' to start your Olympic tour.
Subj: Skiing Accident (S484, DU)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/27/2006
Even if you aren't a skier, you'll
be able to appreciate
the humor of the slopes as written by a New Orleans
A friend just got back from a
holiday skiing trip to
Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles
of anybody's heart.
Conditions were perfect...12
below, no feeling in the
toes, basic numbness all over..the "Tell me when we're
having fun" kind of day.
One of the women in the group
complained to her husband
that she was in dire need of a rest room. He told her
not to worry, that he was sure there was relief waiting
at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for
female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and
the pain did not go away. If you've ever had nature hit
its panic button in you, then you know that a temperature
of 12 below doesn't help matters.
With time running out, the woman
weighed her options.
Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain,
suggested that since she was wearing an all-white ski
outfit, she should go off in the woods and no one would
even notice. He assured her, "The white will provide
more than adequate camouflage." So she headed for the
tree line, began lowering her ski pants and proceeded to
do her thing.
| If you've
ever parked on the side of
a slope, then you know there is a
right way and wrong way to set your
skis so you don't move. Yup, you got
it!!! She had them positioned the
wrong way. Steep slopes are not
forgiving...even during the most
Without warning, the woman found
The woman skied back under the
lift and finally collided
violently with a pylon. The bad news was that she broke
her arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants. At long
last her husband arrived, putting an end to her nudie
show, then summoned the ski patrol. They transported her
to a hospital.
While in the emergency room,
a man with an obviously
broken leg was put in the bed next to hers. "So, how'd
you break your leg?" she asked, making small talk.
"It was the stupidest thing you ever saw," he said. "I
was riding up this ski lift and suddenly, I couldn't
believe my eyes! There was this crazy woman skiing
backward, out-of-control, down the mountain, with
her bare bottom hanging out of her pants. I leaned over
to get a better look and fell out of the lift." ......
"So, how'd you break your arm?"
Even though this was published
in a New Orleans
paper, it is a urban legend as stated in
From: Wimp.com on 1/25/2010
Skiing over this very rocky terrain
at super high
speeds is very scary. Click 'HERE' to see this
heart pounding video.
Subj: First Date Skiing (S240b, S746)
From: RFSlick on 9/4/2001
and From: allenbergman on 5/5/2011
For all those people who thought
they'd had the worst first
date ever. This was on the Jay Leno show on 9-7-99. Jay
went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first
date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst
first date experience. There was absolutely no question as
to why her tale took the prize! She said it was midwinter
... snowing and quite cold and the guy had taken her skiing.
It was a day trip (no overnight).
They were strangers, after all,
and truly had never met
before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until
they were headed home late that afternoon. They were
driving back down the mountain when she gradually began to
realize that she should not have had that extra latte
apres-ski. They were about an hour away from anywhere
with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere. Her
companion suggested she should try to hold it, which she
did for a while.
Unfortunately, because of the
heavy snow and slow going,
there came a point where she told him that he had better
stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the
front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly
crawled out beside the car, yanked her ski pants down
and started. Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't
have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the
rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on
the other side of the car watching for traffic and indeed
was a real gentleman and refrained from peaking. All she
could think about was the relief she felt despite the
rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon
became aware of another
sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young
lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against
the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump
handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to
disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly
apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the
extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of
the humor she answered her date's concerns about "what
was taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was
freezing her butt off and needed some assistance!" He
came around the car as she tried to cover herself with
her sweater and then, as he looked imploringly into his
eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles
and when they finally managed to compose themselves,
they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as
the situation was, they also were faced with a real
problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to
free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal.
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament
in the first place both quickly realized that there was
only one way to get her free so, as she looked the other
way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants
and peed her butt off the fender.
As for the Tonight Show... she
took the prize hands
down... Or perhaps that should be "pants down."
And you thought your first date was embarrassing.
Jay Leno's comment - - - - This
gives a whole new
meaning to being "pissed off".
Even though this story was told
on the Tonight Show,
Snopes.com says it was an urban legend and the girl lied.
Subj: B.C. Comic Strip (S890)
By Mastroianni and Hart on 2/19/2014
Subj: Three Guys Go Skiing (DU)
Three guys drive to a ski range
and arrive late at night.
They finally find a place to stay, but when they get to
their room, they find that it only has one large bed, and
this is the last room in the place. They decide, 'What
the heck, it's only one night' and share the bed.
The next morning, they all wake
up. The guy on the left
side of the bed says, "I had the strangest dream. I
thought some guy was jerking me off."
The guy on the other side of
bed is shocked. "I had the
same dream, too!"
The guy who slept in the middle
says, "Well, I didn't have
that dream. I had a dream that I was skiing!"
Eddie The Eagle (S992d)
From: Eddie the Eagle
Subj: How To Prepare For The Ski Season (DU)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #15 on 98-01-16
This is sent to remind skiers
how to prepare for the ski
season and to remind non-skiers why they do not ski:
Visit your local butcher and
pay $30 to sit in the walk-in
freezer for an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills
to warm up. Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across
the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of
skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for
your car. For ski boot simulation at home, put a pebble in
your street shoes and tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away. Go to
McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger. Be
sure to wait in the longest line. Clip a lift ticket to the
zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to
make the ticket lacerate your face. Drive slowly for five
hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're
following an 18 wheeler. Fill a blender with ice, hit the
pulse button and let the spray blast your face. You'd almost
believe you're skiing in front of a snow maker! Dress up in
as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off
because you have to go to the bathroom. Repeat all of the
above every Saturday and Sunday.
Subj: Short Skiing Jokes
Olympic Cat Curling (S893d)
Made by Zachary Bennett
Photo from YouTube.com
'Star Wars' Walkers Fire At Olympic Skiers
From: Natholdetpaat2 (S893d)
Photo from YouTube.com...
Impressive Ski Jump (S546b,d)
From: MentalBay.com on 7/2/2007
Skiing Backflip (S489b,d)
From: Fun Page Exchange on 6/5/2006
Skiing In United Arab Emirates (S474c)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/7/2006
..........Sources: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Writing Your Name In The Snow (S420d)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/28/2005
.....................From Millan Net Gif Animations