Subj:     Tennis Jokes
                 (Includes 20 jokes and articles, 10939,8,cf,wXT,7)

Tennis Shot  from
Josephs Free Stuff
Includes the following:  Dave Cohen, "Urine Test" - Video (S833d)
.........................Tennis Elbow (S174 S785)
.........................Mansour Bahrami - Tennis' Greatest Entertainer - Video (S754)
.........................Lady Gets Tennis Lesson (DU)
.........................The Best Ball Boys - Video (S939)
.........................Jogger Grabs Tennis Ball (S238b, DU)
.........................Andy Roddick - Greatest Ace Ever - Video (S574b)
.........................Tennis Racket Contortionist - Video (S623)
.........................Short Tennis Jokes
..............................Meet Butch Lumpkin - Video (S658)
..............................Agassi Vs Federer (S479)
..............................Tennis Mind Reading - PPS (S562c)
..............................Tennis Riddle (S253)

Also see GOLF2 file    - 'Golfer Practices Driving'
         FACTS5 file   - 'The History Of The "Love" Score'
Subj:      Dave Cohen, "Urine Test" (S833d)
           From: Old Jews Telling Jokes on 12/22/12
Photo from Google.com...
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35uQHeyQdpU
 Source2: http://blip.tv/oldjewstellingjokes/
..........(Also see 'Tennis Elbow' joke below)

 Dave Cohen tells the joke of a fellow who goes to the
 drugstore and see the pharmacist about a painful elbow.
Click on either source, or 'HERE' for my
copy, to see and hear Dave's cute, old joke.

Or click on http://blip.tv/oldjewstellingjokes
to see 510 very funny Old Jews Telling Jokes

Drawing from OldJewsTeTellingJokes.com

Subj:     Tennis Elbow (S174, S785)
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
      and From: allenbergman on 1/23/2012
..........(Also see 'Urine Sample' in DOCTOR1
..........and see Dave Cohen, Urine Test above)

 One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike
 behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see
 a doctor." "Listen, save your money," Mike replies, "there's
 a diagnostic computer at the corner drugstore. Just give it
 a urine sample. The computer tells you what's wrong and
 what to do about it. It takes 10 seconds and costs $10, it's
 a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."

 So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it
 to the drugstore. He deposits $10, and the computer lights
 up and asks for a urine sample. He pours the sample into the
 slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a
 printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm
 water and avoid heavy activity. It'll improve in two weeks."

 That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology
 was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
 He combined some tap water with a stool sample from his dog,
 urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated
 into the mixture for good measure. Hurrying back to the
 drugstore, Jack eagerly deposits $10, pours in his
 concoction, and awaits the results.

 The computer prints the following:

 Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog
 has ring worm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your
 daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. Your wife
 is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
 And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will
 never get better.

Subj:     Mansour Bahrami - Tennis' Greatest Entertainer
          From: Wimp.com
          on 6/29/2011 (S754d)
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6Vqp6UveIU
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/tennisentertainer/

 This is a video montage of Mansour Bahrami's greatest
 comedic moments, tricks and skills.  He is a fantastic
 athlete and gentleman who has the led the most incredible
 life.  Click on either source, or 'HERE' for my copy,
 to see this cute, eight minute video.

Subj:     Lady Gets Tennis Lesson (DU)

 A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor
 notices she is using the wrong grip.  After several failed
 attempts to correct her, he finally says "OK, Ok, just
 grip it like you do your husband's member".

 After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin
 winners down the line.

 The instructor says, "Wow that's great.  Now just try
 taking the racquet out of your mouth."

Subj:     The Best Ball Boys (S939d)
          Produced by ASB
          From: Clarisa Roberts on Facebook
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/QK_83cnHbE4
 Source2: https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10152479992771021
Venus Williams, Svetlana Kuznetsova, and
the best ball boys in the world came to
Auckland, New Zealand.  Introducing Ted,
Oscar and Super Teddy, the cheekiest ball
boys (dogs) in the world. ASB Classic,
for the love of tennis.
 Click on either source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see this
 very cute tennis match.

Subj:     Jogger Grabs Tennis Ball (S238b, DU)
          From: thebartend on 8/22/2001
          (Also see 'Golfer Practices Driving' in GOLF2)

 Early one morning, I was out jogging and came across a brand
 new tennis ball on the sidewalk just outside the fence of
 the local private tennis club.  The club had not opened yet
 and it was fairly obvious no one was looking for their tennis
 ball so I decided to keep it.  Problem was, I had no pockets
 to put it in, so I decided to stuff it down the front of my
 jogging shorts.

 A couple of blocks later, I crossed path with a female jogger
 who ran alongside for a few blocks.  As we ran she kept
 glancing at the bulge in the front of my shorts and finally
 asked, "Tennis ball?"

 "Yeah", I replied in astonishment, "how did you figure that

 To which she replied, "Because I had tennis elbow once".

Subj:     Andy Roddick - Greatest Ace Ever
          From: mauryschu
          on 1/15/2008 (S574b,d)
 Source: http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=22327

 You can view this great tennis shot at the source above, or
 on my web by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Tennis Racket Contortionist (S623d)
          From: darrellvip on 11/17/2008
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2uyPnN6bt8

 Click on the above source or 'HERE' for my web site to see
 Captain Frodo pass through two small tennis rackets.

Subj:     Short Tennis Jokes

Subj:     Meet Butch Lumpkin (S658 in Handicapped-Supp)
          From: tom
          on 8/6/2009
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC4SwgRuWuM
 Nothing is out of reach for Butch Lumpkin. Butch is an amazing
 athlete with no arms.  Click the above source, or 'HERE' for
 my copy, to see this scratch golfer and a teaching tennis pro.

Subj:     Agassi Vs Federer (S479)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 3/24/2006
 Sources: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C19960516
       to http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C19960522
 That's Andre Agassi and Roger Federer playing on a tennis court
 at a hotel in Dubai over by Saudi Arabia.  These seven pictures
 are amazing, especially the last one.  My guess is that they
 don't chase the balls.  It is best to view these photos on my
 web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Tennis Riddle (S253)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 12/3/2001
 Two men were playing tennis. They played five sets and each
 man won three sets. How did they do this??

Scroll down for the answer
Here it comes


The two men were partners playing doubles.

Subj:     Tennis Mind Reading (S562c)
          From: darrellvip
          on 10/31/2007
 This 230 KB PowerPoint Show deals with the subject of
 reading minds at a tennis match.  To learn to love
 tennis, watch this PPS on my site by clicking 'HERE'.

 Martina Navratilovna won the 1994 Wimbledon match, and she
 is retiring from tennis.  An interviewer thought she might
 speak more freely now that she is off the circuit, and
 asked, "Tell us, Martina, did you ever use steroids?"
 Her unequivocal reply, "Suck my dick!"

 John McEnroe was asked recently whether he preferred grass
 or astro-turf to which he replied, "I don't know.  I've
 never smoked astro-turf!"

 Have you heard of Rene Richards' best seller tennis book?
 It's titled "Tennis without Balls".

 License plate once seen on a car:  10SNE1  (Tennis, anyone?)

 Love means nothing to a tennis player.

 Tennis players have fuzzy balls.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #218 on 98-09-15
 I was throwing a tennis ball against the wall the other day,
 when I thought, "Gee, this would be more fun with a kid."
 But you know, I bet they really don't bounce as well.

 Q: What's the definition of everlasting love?
 A: Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis!

From: igiggle on 7/7/2004 (S389b)
 Q: How many sides does a tennis ball have?
 A: Two.  An inside and an outside.

                           -(o o)-
.........................From Smiley_Central