>>> Subj:     Tennis Jokes (Gz-m4)                  (Includes 16 jokes and articles)

Tennis Shot  from Josephs Free Stuff

Also see GOLF2 file    - 'Golfer Practices Driving'
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Subj:     Andy Roddick - Greatest Ace Ever (S574b)           From: mauryschu           on 1/15/2008

 Source: http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=22327

 You can view this great tennis shot at the source above, or
 on my web by clicking 'HERE'.

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Subj:     Tennis Elbow (S174, S609)
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
      and From: agrief on 6/2/00
          (Also see 'Urine Sample' in DOCTOR1)

 One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike
 behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see
 a doctor." "Listen, save your money," Mike replies, "there's
 a diagnostic computer at the corner drugstore. Just give it
 a urine sample. The computer tells you what's wrong and
 what to do about it. It takes 10 seconds and costs $10, it's
 a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."

 So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it
 to the drugstore. He deposits $10, and the computer lights
 up and asks for a urine sample. He pours the sample into the
 slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a
 printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm
 water and avoid heavy activity. It'll improve in two weeks."

 That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology
 was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
 He combined some tap water with a stool sample from his dog,
 urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated
 into the mixture for good measure. Hurrying back to the
 drugstore, Jack eagerly deposits $10, pours in his
 concoction, and awaits the results.

 The computer prints the following:

 Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog
 has ring worm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your
 daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. Your wife
 is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
 And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will
 never get better.

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Subj:     Lady Gets Tennis Lesson

 A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor
 notices she is using the wrong grip.  After several failed
 attempts to correct her, he finally says "OK, Ok, just
 grip it like you do your husband's member".

 After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin
 winners down the line.

 The instructor says, "Wow that's great.  Now just try
 taking the racquet out of your mouth."

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Subj:     Jogger Grabs Tennis Ball (S238b, DU)
          From: thebartend on 8/22/2001
          (Also see 'Golfer Practices Driving' in GOLF2)

 Early one morning, I was out jogging and came across a brand
 new tennis ball on the sidewalk just outside the fence of
 the local private tennis club.  The club had not opened yet
 and it was fairly obvious no one was looking for their tennis
 ball so I decided to keep it.  Problem was, I had no pockets
 to put it in, so I decided to stuff it down the front of my
 jogging shorts.

 A couple of blocks later, I crossed path with a female jogger
 who ran alongside for a few blocks.  As we ran she kept
 glancing at the bulge in the front of my shorts and finally
 asked, "Tennis ball?"

 "Yeah", I replied in astonishment, "how did you figure that
 out?"

 To which she replied, "Because I had tennis elbow once".

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Subj:     Short Tennis Jokes

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Subj:     Agassi Vs Federer (S479)           From: LABLaughsClean            on 3/24/2006

 Sources: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C19960516
       to http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C19960522
 That's Andre Agassi and Roger Federer playing on a tennis court
 at a hotel in Dubai over by Saudi Arabia.  These seven pictures
 are amazing, especially the last one.  My guess is that they
 don't chase the balls.  It is best to view these photos on my
 web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Tennis Riddle (S253)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 12/3/2001
 Two men were playing tennis. They played five sets and each
 man won three sets. How did they do this??

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ANSWER

The two men were partners playing doubles.
 

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Subj:     Tennis Mind Reading (S562c)           From: darrellvip           on 10/31/2007

 This 230 KB PowerPoint Show deals with the subject of
 reading minds at a tennis match.  To learn to love
 tennis, watch this PPS on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
 
 

 Martina Navratilovna won the 1994 Wimbledon match, and she
 is retiring from tennis.  An interviewer thought she might
 speak more freely now that she is off the circuit, and
 asked, "Tell us, Martina, did you ever use steroids?"
 Her unequivocal reply, "Suck my dick!"

 John McEnroe was asked recently whether he preferred grass
 or astro-turf to which he replied, "I don't know.  I've
 never smoked astro-turf!"

 Have you heard of Rene Richards' best seller tennis book?
 It's titled "Tennis without Balls".

 License plate once seen on a car:  10SNE1  (Tennis, anyone?)

 Love means nothing to a tennis player.

 Tennis players have fuzzy balls.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #218 on 98-09-15
 I was throwing a tennis ball against the wall the other day,
 when I thought, "Gee, this would be more fun with a kid."
 But you know, I bet they really don't bounce as well.

 Q: What's the definition of everlasting love?
 A: Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis!

From: igiggle on 7/7/2004 (S389b)
 Q: How many sides does a tennis ball have?
 A: Two.  An inside and an outside.

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Smilesy playing tennis from Smiley_Central

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