Subj:     Track Jokes
                 (Includes 24 jokes and articles, 24 1041,13,cf,wXT4,11)

Torch from
Steve Gibbs
Includes the following:  Bizarro Cartoon (S889)
.........................Gymnastics - Jeff Foxworthy Style (S1041)
.........................Paul Hunt Gymnastics Clown - Videos (S814)
.........................Wife's Lover Runs Nude In Race (S219, S589b)
.........................ASICS Run With Ryan - Video (S774)
.........................Steroids On The Girl's Track Team (DU)
.........................Usain Bolt - Videos (S661)
.........................First Olympics Riddle (S278b)
.........................The 2008 Olympic Games - Video (S592)
.........................The 2004 Olympics (S394)
.........................Track Accidents - Video (S593b)
.........................Olympic Condoms (S189, S693)
.........................Nude Gymnastics (S608b)
.........................Australian Olympic Questions (S188)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S668b)
                         Short Track Jokes
..............................2014 U.S. Olympic Team (S887)
..............................New Olympic Event (S437b)
..............................Chinese Olympics Team (S188)

Also see ACCIDENTS1   - 'Jim Fixx's Death'
         DARWIN AWRDS2- 'Running Off A Cliff'
         JOBS3 file   - 'Three Boys Brag About Father's Speed'
         MOTHERS-SUPP - 'Procter And Gamble's Moms Commercial'
         OTHER SPORTS - 'Iron Man Competition'
         SEX3 file    - 'Trojan Games' - Video
         SEX-SUPP     - 'Sex Track Race'
         STORIES-SUPP - 'The Boy Who Wouldn't Die'
         Swimming     - 'Ausi Olympic Swimmer And The Gymnast'
         TENNIS file  - 'Jogger Grabs Tennis Ball'
         WOMEN2 file  - 'Three Women Discuss Sex Lives'

Subj:     Bizarro Cartoon (S889)
          By Dan Piraro on 2/9/2014
Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/february-9-2014/
Subj:     Gymnastics - Jeff Foxworthy Style (S1041d)
          From: Caroline Jenkins on 12/22/1216

 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/XZ0GBazSL1E

 Click 'HERE' to see What happens when Jeff Foxworthy,
 Larry the Cable Guy, and Bill Engvall learn to do
 gymnastics from trained professionals.
Subj:     Paul Hunt Gymnastics Clown (S814d)
          From: virv on 8/11/2012
Photo from GymNet.org...
 Source1: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Hunt_(gymnast)

 Paul Hunt is a gymnastics coach and gymnastics clown.
 Hunt was born in Illinois, and now lives in Murray,
 Utah.  He runs Hunt's Gymnastics Academy (a.k.a.
 Hunt's Gym) in Salt Lake City.  Hunt has performed
 comedic performances of women's gymnastics routines,
 including the uneven bars, floor exercises, and the
 balance beam since 1980.  He has performed on US
 and international television, including Wide World
 of Sports and America's Funniest Videos.
S2: https://www.youtube.com/embed/EO_BnsrWMnI
Click 'HERE' to see Paul Hunt performs
on balance beam at the 1988 USA-USSR
display in Los Angeles.
Photo from YouTube.com
S3: https://www.youtube.com/embed/tu-YAMiS5wA
Click 'HERE' to see Paul performs on
uneven bars at the 1981 Ndia Tour at
Madison Square Garden, NYC.
Photo from YouTube.com
S4: https://www.youtube.com/embed/oBPjhB9d3jc
Click 'HERE' to see Paul performs on
floor exercise at the 1988 USA-USSR
display in Los Angeles.
Photo from YouTube.com
Subj:     Wife's Lover Runs Nude In Race (S219, S589b)
          From: ICohen on 4/9/2001

 A woman was having an affair during the day while her husband
 was at work.  One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when
 she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway.  She yelled
 at the boyfriend, "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the
 window; my husband's home early!"

 The boyfriend looked out the window and said, "I can't jump
 out the window! "It's raining like hell out there!"

 She said, "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us

 So the boyfriend grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!
 As he began running down the street, he discovered he had run
 right in the middle of a town marathon, so he started running
 along beside the others.  Being naked, with his clothes
 tucked under his arm, he tried to "blend in" as best he could.

 One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?"
 He answered, while gasping for air, "Oh, yes, it feels so free
 having the air blow over your skin while you are running."

 The other runner then asked the nude man, "Do you always run
 carrying your clothes on your arm?"  The nude man answered
 breathlessly, "Oh, yes, that way I can get dressed right at
 the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"

 The runner then asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you
 run?"  His reply: "Only if it's raining."

Subj:     ASICS Run With Ryan (S774d)
          From: Wimp.com on 11/15/2011
 Source1: http://www.wimp.com/marathonrunner/
 Source2: https://www.youtube.com/embed/lPyBMsjVG94

 For the 2011 ING New York City marathon, ASICS wanted
 the fans to truly experience a champion marathoner's
 26.2 mile pace.  They challenged anyone to take on
 Olympic marathoner Ryan Hall for just 60 feet so they
 built a 60 foot wall video/mural of Ryan racing.
 Even Ryan Hall showed up to race himself.  Ryan's
 stride length is 6' 10" and his mile pace is 4:46.

 Click 'HERE' to see Ryan's amazing pace.

Subj:     Steroids On The Girl's Track Team (DU)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #217 on 97-12-16

 The over-ambitious coach of a girls track team had been
 administering steroids to the squad on a regular basis for
 several months.  An obvious result of the steroid use was
 that the teams' overall performance greatly improved.  They
 won the county, state, and national championships, all in
 the same year.

 One day, Sally, a sixteen year old high jumper, visited the
 coach in his office. "Excuse me, Coach, could I talk to you.
 I have a little problem."

 "Sure, Sally," replied the coach, "What can I do for you?"

 Sally hung her head low and said, "Well, a lot of curly,
 dark hair has started to grow on my chest."

 "What?" the surprised coach yelped, "How far down does it go?"

 She answered softly, "Down, between my legs - In fact, it
 covers my testicles...

 ....and that's another thing I wanted to talk to you about."

Subj:     Usain Bolt (S661d)
          From: brucejohnsonbaugh on 9/9/2009
Photo from PreRaceJitters.com
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/3nbjhpcZ9_g

 Click 'HERE' to watch Usain Bolt break the world record
 in the 100 meter and 200 meter sprints last August.

Subj:     First Olympics Riddle (S278b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 6/1/2002

When and where were the first ancient Olympic Games held?

Scroll down for the answer
Here it comes


At Olympia in July 776 BC
(This is as per the evidence available.  But it is believed
to be much older)

Subj:     The 2008 Olympic Games (S592dwmv)
          From: aldavito on 5/19/2008
 Source: http://www.jokelibrary.net/

 This commercial video is a wonderful trip to China
 which is preparing for the 2008 Summer Olympics.
 Click 'HERE' to view this WMV video.

Subj:     The 2004 Olympics (S394)
          From: igiggle on 8/14/2004 (S394b - school-supp)

 Here's the official site for Athens 2004

 Olympic Facts -

 Olympic Photo Gallery -
 Pictures from the 2004 games.

 Olympic History

 The Olympic Motto:  In 1921, Pierre de Coubertin, founder
 of the modern Olympic Games, borrowed a Latin phrase from
 his friend, Father Henri Didon, for the Olympic motto:
 Citius, Altius, Fortius ("Swifter, Higher, Stronger").

 Real Gold Medals: The last Olympic gold medals that
 were made entirely out of gold were awarded in 1912.

 Every two years, Rosie and I makeup for all the TV
 we've missed during the Olympics.

Subj:     Track Accidents (S593b,dwmv)
          From: tom on 5/25/2008
 At: http://www.jokelibrary.net/sports/a_to_z/track-accidents.wmv

 This video is a compilation many track errors.  You can
 view this WMV video by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Olympic Condoms (S189, S693)
          From: thebartend on 09/15/2000
      and From: LABLaughsAdult on 9/15/2004

 A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic
 condoms.  Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.  Upon getting
 home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

 "Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?"

 "There is three colors", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."

 "What color are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily.

 "Gold of course", says the man proudly.

 The wife responds wryly, "Why don't you wear Silver, it would
 be nice if you came second for a change!".

Subj:     Nude Gymnastics (S608b,d)
          From: darrellvip on 8/24/2008
 Source: http://www.xvideos.com/video90765/gymnastics

 This lady demonstrated how to do four gymnastic events
 topless.  This will definitely raise the interest in
 the gymnastic sports. Click 'HERE' to view this video.

Subj:     Australian Olympic Questions (S188)
          From: KMACINTY on 09/08/2000

 Here are some of the questions that were asked of the Sydney
 Olympic Committee via their Web site, and answers supplied
 where appropriate.

 Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
 A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed...

 Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or
    Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in
    my eyes? (Germany)
 A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are
    being held in Sydney.

 Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)

 Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female
    population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
 A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.

 Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing
    in Australia? (USA)
 A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?

 Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
 A: Face North and you should be about right.

 Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
 A: Americans have long had considerable trouble
    distinguishing between Austria and Australia.

 Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia,
    but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives
   in trees. (USA)

 Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
 A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

     by John Graziano on 8/15/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/ripleysbelieveitornot/2009/08/15

Subj:     Short Track Jokes

Subj:     2014 U.S. Olympic Team (S887d)
          From: Lori Jones on Facebook on 1/28/2014
Drawing from WundergroundMusic.com
 Source: http://www.teamusa.org/Road-to-Sochi-2014/Features/2014/January/
 Click 'HERE' to see a photo of 140 of the 230 members
 of the 2014 U.S. Olympic team.

Subj:     New Olympic Event (S437b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 6/8/2005
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 To view the "New Olympic Event", click 'HERE'.

Subj:     Chinese Olympics Team (S188)
          From: TAdams on 09/08/2000
 I don't know if you heard but there is a scandal involving
 drugs and the Chinese Olympic team this year...

 They ran blood tests, and found elevated levels of MSG...
 and also traces of heartworm medication.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 2/26/2002 (S265c)
 "The battles that count aren't the ones for gold medals.
 The struggles within yourself are where it's at."
   -- Jesse Owens

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 4/9/2002 (S272c)
 Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony
    of defeat

From: LABLaughs.com on 4/20/2002 (S273c)
 "Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth
  of distance run."  -- Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

From: igiggle on Date: 11/28/2005 (S462b)
 A.C. Gilvert, the inventor of the Erector set, won
 an Olympic gold medal in 1908 for the pole vault.

                           -(o o)-
..............................From Smiley_Central.