(Includes 34 jokes and articles)
Push-Ups from
AGAG Animation Gallery
| Subj:
Other Sports Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 34 jokes and articles) |
|
Push-Ups from AGAG Animation Gallery |
Also see ACCIDENT1
- 'Its A Bad
Day When......'
BICYCLE file - 'Why
Bicycle Shorts Are Always Black!!'
BIRTHDAY file- 'Wife
Takes Husband To Strip Club'
FAT file - 'Americans
At A Chinese Soccer Stadium'
Gay file - 'Football-Pool'
HANDICAP-SUPP- 'Strongest
Dad In The World'
JOBS file - 'Worker's
Favorite Sports'
QUOTES-CMD-SP- 'Crazy
World by Chris Rock'
.........RIDDLE
SUPP2 -.'A
What Am I Riddle #6'
SEX3 file - 'Trojan
Games'
SWIMMING file- 'Bad Day At
The Office'
THOUGHTS-SLLY- 'Exercise
Tips'
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Subj:
The Big Kite...Amazing (S585)
From: darrellvip on 4/7/2008 |
What these eighty-two skydivers
accomplish in this movie seems
impossible. Click 'HERE'
to see this amazing movie.
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| Subj:
Trojan Games (S354b, S508b in Sex3)
From: DoctorDebt on 11/7/2003 and From: darrell94590 on 10/16/2006 |
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Picture from
Google Video |
Trojan Games - Pelvic Power Lifting - Bucharest 2003
If Trojan condoms was sponsoring
the Olympics, this is one
game that they would definitely
want to sponsor. You can
view this funny, dirty movie
at the source above, or on
my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: Minnesotans
Learn About New Sports (S449)
From: DoctorDebt on 8/20/2005
PART ONE:
Two Minnesotans walk into a pet
shop in Dingle. They head to
the bird section and Sven says
to Hans, "Dat's dem."
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
"Yeah, we'll take four of dem
dere little budgies in dat cage
up dere," says Sven.
The owner puts the budgies in
a paper bag. Hans and Sven pay
for the birds, leave the shop
and get into Sven's pickup and
drive to the top of the Conor
Pass. At the Conor Pass, Sven
looks down at the 1000 ft. drop
and says, "Dis looks like a
grand place." He takes two birds
out of the bag, puts them on
his shoulders and jumps off
the cliff. Hans watches as Sven
falls all the way to the bottom,
killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of
his best pal, Hans shakes his
head and says, "Dis budgie jumping
is too dangerous for me."
BUT WAIT!!!! .. there's MORE!
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
PART TWO:
Moments later Ole arrives up
at Conor Pass. He's been to the
pet shop, too and walks up to
the edge of the cliff carrying
another paper bag in one hand
and a shotgun in the other.
"Hi, Hans. Watch dis,"
Ole says. He takes a parrot from
the bag and throws himself over
the edge of the cliff. Hans
watches as, half way down, Ole
takes the gun and shoots the
parrot. Ole continues to plummet
down and down until he hits
the bottom and breaks every
bone in his body.
Hans shakes his head and says,
"And I'm never trying dat
parrotshooting either."
BUT WAIT!!!! ... There's MORE!!!
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
PART THREE:
Hans is just getting over the
shock of losing two friends
when Lars appears. He's also
been to the pet shop and is
carrying a paper bag out of
which he pulls a chicken. Lars
then grasps the chicken by the
legs holds it over his head
and hurls himself off the cliff
and disappears down and
down until he hits a rock and
breaks his spine.
Once more Hans shakes his head.
"First der was Sven with
his budgie jumping, den Ole
parrotshooting ...... and now
Lars is hengliding..."
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Subj: Buying
Your Son A Set Of Weights (S436)
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/1/2005
Somewhat skeptical of his son's
newfound determination to
become the next Charles Atlas,
the father nevertheless
followed the teenager over to
the weight-lifting department.
"Please, Dad," whined the boy,
"I promise I'll use them
every day."
"I don't know, Michael. It's
really a big commitment on your
part," the father pointed out.
"Please, Dad?"
"They're not cheap either."
"I'll use them Dad, I promise. You'll see."
Finally won over, the father
paid for the equipment and
headed for the door.
From the corner of the store
he heard his son yell, "What!
You mean I have to carry them
to the car?!"
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Subj: Memorable
Sports Comments (S377b)
From: Imogenelumen on 4/4/2004
Here are the top ten comments
made by sports commentators
that they would like to take
back:
1. Weightlifting commentator
at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk
Event: "This is
Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch
this morning during
her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator:
"This is really a
lovely horse and
I speak from personal experience since
I once mounted
her mother."
3. Grand Prix Race Announcer:
"The lead car is absolutely,
truly unique, except
for the one behind it which is exactly
identical to the
one in front of the similar one in back."
4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: "I
owe a lot to my parents,
especially my mother
and father."
5. Ringside Boxing Analyst: "Sure
there have been injuries
and even some deaths
in boxing - but none of them really
that serious."
6. Baseball announcer: "If history
repeats itself, I should
think we can expect
the same thing again."
7. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles
a lot and the opposition
doesn't like it.
In fact you can see it all over their faces."
8. At a trophy ceremony BBC TV
Boat Race 1988: "Ah, isn't that
nice, the wife
of the Cambridge president is hugging the
cox of the Oxford
crew."
9. Metro Radio, College Football:
"Julian Dicks is everywhere.
It's like they've
got eleven Dicks on the field."
10. US Open TV Commentator: "One
of the reasons Arnie Palmer
is playing
so well is that, before each final round, his
wife takes
out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God,
what have
I just said."
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Subj:
Redneck Bungee-Jumping (S525c)
From: gordonschuk on 1/28/07 |
This 2,500 KB movie looks like
a lot of scary fun. You can
view it on my web site by clicking
'HERE'.
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Subj: Woman
Writes In Diary About Workouts
From: flovilla on 5/28/2001
This is dedicated to every woman
who ever attempted to get
into a regular workout routine.
A must read!
Diary...
For my fiftieth birthday this
year, my husband (the dear)
purchased a week of personal
training at the local health
club for me. Although
I am still in great shape since
playing on my high school softball
team, I decided it would
be a good idea to go ahead and
give it a try.
I called the club and made my
reservations with a personal
trainer I'll call Bruce, who
identified himself as a 26-year-
old aerobics instructor and
model for athletic clothing and
swimwear. My husband seemed
pleased with my enthusiasm to
get started. The club
encouraged me to keep a diary to
chart my progress.
Monday:
Started my day at 6:00 am.
Tough to get out of bed, but
found it was well worth it when
I arrived at the health
club to find Bruce waiting for
me. He is something of a
Greek god - with blond hair,
dancing eyes and a dazzling
white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Bruce gave me a tour and showed
me the machines.
He took my pulse after five minutes
on the treadmill. He
was alarmed that my pulse was
so fast, but I attribute it
to standing next to him in his
Lycra aerobics outfit. I
enjoyed watching the skillful
way in which he conducted
his aerobics class after my
workout today. Very inspiring.
Bruce was encouraging as I did
my sit-ups, although my gut
was already aching from holding
it in the whole time he
was around. This is going
to be a FANTASTIC week!!
Tuesday:
I drank a whole pot of coffee,
but I finally made it out
the door. Bruce made me lie
on my back and push a heavy
iron bar into the air - then
he put weights on it! My
legs were a little wobbly on
the treadmill, but I made
the full mile. Bruce's
rewarding smile made it all
worthwhile. I feel GREAT!!
It's a whole new life for
me.
Wednesday:
The only way I can brush my
teeth is by laying the tooth-
brush on the counter and moving
my mouth back and forth
over it. I believe I have
a hernia in both pectorals.
Driving was OK as long as I didn't
try to steer or stop.
I parked on top of a GEO in
the club parking lot. Bruce
was impatient with me,insisting
that my screams bothered
other club members. His
voice is a little too perky for
early in the morning and when
he scolds, he gets this
nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when
I got on the treadmill, so Bruce
put me on the stair
monster. Why the hell
would anyone invent a machine
to simulate an activity rendered
obsolete by elevators?
Bruce told me it would help
me get in shape and enjoy
life. He said some other
shit too.
Thursday:
Bruce was waiting for me with
his vampire-like teeth
exposed as his thin, cruel lips
were pulled back in a
full snarl. I couldn't
help being a half an hour late,
it took me that long to tie
my shoes. Bruce took me to
work out with dumbbells.
When he was not looking, I
ran and hid in the men's room.
He sent Lars to find
me, then, as punishment, put
me on the rowing machine
- which I sank.
Friday:
I hate that bastard Bruce more
than any human being has
ever hated any other human being
in the history of the
world. Stupid, skinny,
anemic little cheerleader wanna-
be bastard. If there was
a part of my body I could move
without unbearable pain, I would
beat him with it. Bruce
wanted me to work on my triceps.
I don't have any triceps!
And if you don't want dents
in the floor, don't hand me
the &@#$*~ barbells or anything
that weighs more than a
sandwich. (Which I am
sure you learned in the sadist
school you attended and graduated
magna cum laude from,
you Nazi bastard).
The treadmill flung me off and
I landed on a health and
nutrition teacher. Why
couldn't it have been someone
softer,like the drama coach
or the choir director?
Saturday:
Bruce left a message on my answering
machine in his
grating, shrilly voice wondering
why I did not show up
today. Just hearing him
made me want to smash the
machine with my planner. However,I
lacked the strength
to even use the TV remote and
ended up watching eleven
straight hours of the *$@#&
Weather Channel.
Sunday:
I'm having the Church van pick
me up for services today
so I can go and thank GOD that
this week is over. I will
also pray that next year my
husband (the BASTARD) will
choose a gift for me that
is fun * like a root canal
or a hysterectomy.
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Subj: Short
Other Sports
| Subj:
Be Careful Where You Parasurf (S596)
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/17/2008 |
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Subj:
Ball Control (S587)
By Tim Nolan From: ginafm on 4/20/2008 |
| Subj:
The Ping-Pong Match (S581b)
From: AFine963 on 3/7/2008 |
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Subj:
Strength In Poland (S579b)
From: ginafm on 2/25/2008 |
| Subj:
Texas Ditch Surfing (S575 in Redneck-Supp)
From: rfslick on 1/18/2008 (See 'Shark Surfing' in SWIMMING) |
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Subj:
Korean Freestyle Slalom Rollerblading (S570)
From: tom on 12/20/2007 |
| Subj:
Mountain Wingsuit (S565)
From: ginafm on 11/16/2007 |
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Subj:
Extreme Building Jumpers (S527)
From: LABLaughsClean on 2/21/2007 |
| Subj:
Kickups (S509b in Games2)
From: LABLaughsClean on 10/17/2006 |
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Soccer ball from
Yahoo Images |
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Subj:
Amazing Archer (S503c)
From: darrell94590 on 9/8/2006 |
| Subj:
Crevasse Crossing (S501b)
From: auntiegah on 8/25/2006 From: NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC REPORT |
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Subj:
Lego Stadium (S486c)
From: LABLaughsClean (See 'Lego Church' in Church |
This is a model of the Allianz
Arena in Bayern, Germany made
out of over 400,000 Lego bricks.
The original Allianz Arena in
Bayern, Germany was made as a
replacement for the Olympic
stadium made three decades earlier.
It was built for the FIFA World
Cup 2006 soccer matches.
You can view this Lego Stadium
at the source above, or on
my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
| Subj:
Ping-Pong Match (S483b)
From: BoreMe.com on 4/28/2006 |
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Subj:
GoalPoker Penalty Strip (S474)
From: darrell94590 on 2/13/2006 |
| Subj:
Elastic Enthusiastic (S471c)
by Angelo Plessas From:igiggle on 1/25/2006 |
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Subj:
Stretching After Jogging (S459)
From: darrell94590 on 11/7/2005 |
| Subj:
Iron Man Competition (S453b)
From: flovilla on 9/23/2005 |
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Subj:
Hummer Football (S565b in Games2-Supp)
From: Shockland.com on 11/16/2007 |
| Subj:
Skateboarding Pete The Dog (S600c)
From:LABLaughsClean on 7/7/2008(in dog-supp) Photo from
YouTube...
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Top
Subj: Romanian
Football Moat (S310b)
From: jerry on 1/6/2003
A Romanian football club, fed
up with "rowdy fans," is
planning to install a crocodile-filled
moat around the
playing field to keep fans out.
Club chairman Alexandra Cringus
said: "This is not a joke.
We can get crocodiles easy enough
and feed them on meat
from the local abattoir.
The ditch is planned to be wide
enough that no one could manage
to jump over it. Anyone
who attempted to do so would
have to deal with the crocs.
Ananova (UK) 3-Jan-03
Top
Subj: Burning
Soccer Fan (S201)
From: jerry on 6/17/2002
Bonehead award four goes to
a South Korean man who set
fire to himself, and died, so
that he could become "a
ghost and be the 12th player"
for the Korean soccer
team in the World Cup game against
Portugal. Korea
did beat Portugal one to zip.
CNN Sports Illustrated 14-Jun-02
Top
Subj: Thinking
About Exercising (S255b)
From: pns on 12/15/2001
Researchers from the Cleveland
Clinic Foundation told a
Society for Neuroscience meeting
in November in San Diego
that their study had found that
muscles were strengthened
35 percent and 13 percent, respectively,
among two groups
of people who merely concentrated
on imagining they were
exercising (vs. no increase
at all by control groups that
neither exercised nor imagined
exercise).
[Yahoo-Reuters, 11-12-01]
From: RFSlick on 8/25/2001 (S239)
Luge strategy? Lie flat
and try not to die.
-- Carmen Boyle, Olympic
luge gold medal
From: mombear1@ on 9/2/2001 (S240)
I Don't Know Whether To Kill
Myself or Go Bowling.
From: igiggle on 7/11/2004 (S390)
If you get three strikes in
a row in bowling,
it's called a turkey.
Bowling was originally played
with nine pins. An
anti-gambling law was passed
in colonial Connecticut
more than 150 years ago making
"bowling at nine pins"
illegal. So to get around
the law, bowlers added
a pin. And it's been 10
pins ever since.
From: KMACINTY on 8/13/2002 (S289b)
Pat Glenn - Weightlifting Commentator,
"This is Gregoriava
from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch
this morning and it was
amazing."
Harry Carpenter - BBC TV Boat
Race 1977, "Ah, isn't that
nice, the wife of the Cambridge
president is kissing the
cox of the Oxford crew."
From: igiggle on 6/7/2003 (S332b)
As a nation we are dedicated
to keeping physically
fit - and parking as close to
the stadium as possible.
-- Bill Vaughan
From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 4/11/2005
(S428b)
Just do what you do best.
-- Red Auerbach
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 8/21/2005
(S449b)
"Karate is a form of martial
arts in which people who have
had years and years of training
can, using only their hands
and feet, make some of the worst
movies in the history of
the world." -- Dave Barry
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Fencing smileys from
Smiley_Central |