Subj: Ebonics Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 8 jokes and articles)
Tree thru Seasons from
FeebleMinds
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Subj: Ebonics Jokes (Gz) (Includes 8 jokes and articles) |
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Tree thru Seasons from FeebleMinds |
Also see CHRISTMAS3 - 'The
Night Before Christmas in Ebonics'
JEWISH1 file - 'Hebronics'
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Subj: The
Ten Commandments (In Ebonics) (S66)
From: ossama on 98-05-07
1. I be God. Don' be dissing
me.
2. Don' be makin hood ornaments
outa me or nothin in my crib.
3. Don' be callin me for no
reason - homey don' play that.
4. Y'all betta be in church
on Sundee.
5. Don' dis ya mama, an if
ya know who ya daddy is,
don' dis
him neither.
6. Don' ice ya bros.
7. Stick to ya own woman.
8. Don' be liftin no goods.
9. Don' be frontin like you
all that an no snitchin
on ya homies.
10. Don' be eyein' ya homie's
crib, ride, or nothin.
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Subj: The
Ebonic Hail Mary, by John Trause
From: kaiser on 98-04-20
Yo Mary,
You be all dat.
The Big Man be witchya.
Chillin' be ya more than tha
girlfriends,
And chill be the one on the
way.
Phat Mary, Mother of The Big
Man,
Rap for us gangstas,
Now and when we dead.
No Shit.
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Subj: More
Ebonics Definitions
From: humorlist-digest V2 #91 on 98-04-13
Once again Leroy was asked to
do a simple homework assignment.
Still befuddled by the whole
school thing, Leroy is a trooper.
He was given another set of
vocabulary words to use in
sentences. Here's what he handed
in:
1. HONOR ROLL - We was playin
poker on the stoop the other
day, man
I was HONOROLL.
2. PLANET - I got me some seed
to grow weed, so I PLANET
in the backyard.
3. DISMAY - I went for a blood
test, the doctor pulled out
a big needle.
He said, "DISMAY hurt a little."
4. OMELETTE - Every time I start
a new job, OMELETTE go
after a week.
5. STAIRWAY - When me and my
homies get high, we STAIRWAY
into space.
6. MOBILE - I went to buy crack,
I was short on cash, my
man said,
"Gimme one MOBILE."
7. DEFENSE - I ran from the
cops, and hopped DEFENSE
and got away.
8. AFRO - I got so mad at my bitch, AFRO a lamp at her.
9. AFTERMATH - I like to be
high in school, so AFTERMATH
I go to the
field and smoke weed.
10. LOCKET - I slam the door so hard, I LOCKET.
11. DOMINEERING - My girly's
birthday was yesterday, I got
her a DOMINEERING.
12. KENYA - I needed change fo
the subway, so I axe a
stranger
KENYA spare some change.
13. DERANGE - DERANGE is where da deer and antelope play.
14. DATA - At my basketball game,
I scored thirty points.
My coach
said, "DATA boy!"
15. COPULATE - I called 911 and
an hour later when they show
up, I said,
"COPULATE!"
16. FASCINATE - My girly's titties
are so big. Her shirt
has ten buttons,
she can only FASCINATE.
17. BEWARE - I asked the man
at the unemployment office, "Is
this BEWARE
I get a job?"
18. DIMENSION - I be tall, dark,
handsome and not DIMENSION
hung like
a horse.
19. COATROOM - The judge said,
"One more outburst like that,
and you'll
be thrown out the COATROOM."
20. DECIDE - I like Wanda and
Yolanda, but I like to have a
couple of
bitches on DECIDE.
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Subj: Ebonics
Test (S271b)
From: JAREDLM
and
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 4/8/2002
Leroy is an 18 year old ninth
grader who is becoming
increasingly disillusioned with
the public school
system. One day Leroy
got an easy homework assignment.
All he had to do was put each
of the following words in
a sentence. This is what
Leroy did.
1. HOTEL -
I gave my girlfriend da crabs and the
HOTEL everybody.
2. RECTUM -
I had two Cadillacs, but my ol' lady
RECTUM both.
3. DISAPPOINTMENT- My parole
officer tol me if I miss
DISAPPOINTMENT they gonna send me back
to the big house.
4. FORECLOSE- If I pay
alimony this month, I'll have
no money FORECLOSE.
5. CATACOMB - Don King
was at the fight the other
night, Man, somebody give that CATACOMB.
6. PENIS
- I went to da doctor and he handed me a
cup and said PENIS.
7. ISRAEL -
Alonso tried to sell me a Rolex, I said
Man, that looks fake. He said, No, ISRAEL.
8. UNDERMINE- There is
a fine lookin' hoe livin' in the
apartment UNDERMINE.
9. TRIPOLI - I
was gonna buy my old lady a bra but I
couldn't find no TRIPOLI.
10. STAIN
- My mother-in-law axed if I was STAIN
for dinner again.
11. SELDOM -
My cousin gave me two tickets to the
Knicks game, so I SELDOM.
12. ODYSSEY - I
told my bro, you ODYSSEY the tits on
this hoe.
13. HORDE
- My sister got into trouble because she
HORDE around in school.
14. INCOME -
I just got in bed wit dis hoe and INCOME
my wife.
15. FORTIFY - I
axed da hoe how much? And she say
FORTIFY.
Leroy got an A.
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Subj: Algebra
I Mid Term Exam
Ebonics Version
From: KYLERDL at Julie
97-02-24
This is a soon to be classic.
----------
Directions: Make sho yo be putting
yo name on the upper right
hand corna. Don't
be axing no dumbass questions an keep yo
shifty mothafuckin eyes on yo
own sorryass papers.
Number I.(25%)
Elon and Tyrell bot want to meet
fo lunch. Elon's home be 5
mile north of Tyrell.
If Elon leave at 10:30 bookin bout 3
mile per hour while Tyrell,
who have one coolass bike, ain't
not departin till I 1:00 zoomin
bout 20 mile per hour, what
time be Elon axing Tyrell for
a bite of fiied chicken?
Number 2.(25%)
Yolanda, she be 11 year older
than her daughter Carinda.
Carinda have a bitch Carmel
who haf her age. In how many
years be Carmel haf as old as
that uglyass ho Yolanda?
Number 3.(40%)
If Leroy axes Marvin fo 10 gram
of 60% coke an Marvin ain't
not got nothing but 8 gram of
80% and some ol 20% shit, how
much of the cheap stuff be Marvin
mixing up so Leroy can go
off the hizzie?
Number 4.(10%)
Lenwood and Keshawn jus lifted
one gross of basketballs
offa Kmart. If studly
Lenwood can dunk fo mo balls per
minute than Keshawn, how long
be
these bros slammin and
jammin fo they be needin suh
mo balls to play wif7
Extra Credit:
Which number, A or B be bigger?
Make sho you shows all
yo work.
A. The total number of hos Wilt
Chamberlain and
B.B. King be sleeping
wif.
B. The number of yard OJ done
ran fo in his best season
timeses the number
a cuts he be putting in that nogood
honkey bitch Nicole
afta catchin her wif a guy what
ain't got no goddam
mothafuckin rights be ridin roun
wif OJs car.
***************************************************
*
*
*
"Brotha', you are goin' down."
*
*
*
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Subj: Lord's
Prayer In Ebonics
From: Vegas Jokes Archive on 06/27/97
No doubt some Bible societies
will feel compelled to publish
a new translation of the Holy
Scriptures in the newly
discovered language of Ebonics.
Here's a head start for them.
EBONICS ENGLISH
Big Daddy's Rap The Lord's Prayer
Yo, Big Daddy upstairs, Our Father, who art in heaven
You be chillin Hallowed be thy name
So be yo hood Thy Kingdom come
You be sayin' it, I be doin' it Thy will be done
In this here hood and yo's On earth as it is in heaven
Gimme some eats bread Give us this day our daily
And cut me some slack, Blood And forgive us our trespasses
Sos I be doin' it to dem dat
As we forgive those who
diss me trespass against us
don't be pushing me into no jive
And lead us not into
temptation
And Keep Dem Crips Away But deliver us from evil
Cause you always be da man, G
for thine is the kingdom,
forever.
Straight up Amen
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Subj: Hickophonics
(S36)
From: humorlist-digest V1 #213 on 97-10-02
The Atlanta School Board, sensing
that Oakland is about to
cash in by labeling African
American slang as the language
"Ebonics," has decided to pursue
some of the seemingly
endless taxpayer pipeline through
Washington by designating
Southern slang, or "Hickphonics,"
as a language to be taught
in all Southern schools.
A speaker of this language would
be a Hickophone. The
following are excerpts from
the Hickphonics/English dictionary:
HEIDI - noun. Greeting.
HIRE YEW - Complete sentence.
Remainder of greeting.
Usage: Heidi, hire yew?"
BARD - verb. Past
tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. The State north
of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
BAMMER - noun. The State west
of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum.
Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left
$20,000,000 in improvements."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar
division. Usage: "My brother from
Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from
him in munts."
THANK - verb. Ability to
cognitively process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
BARE - noun. An alcoholic
beverage made of barley, hops,
and yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
IGNERT - adjective. Not smart.
See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them Bammer boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - noun. A tool used
for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that
pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few
munts ago."
ALL - noun.
A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure
hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup
truck."
FAR - noun.
A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from
Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that
thing's gonna catch far."
TAR - noun.
A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that
brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar
in my pickup truck."
TIRE - noun. A tall
monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the
creek don't rise, I sure do and go against little kids!
Finding eggs!
(Name withhelderb. To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard
at age 65."
FAT - noun,
verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in
battle or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n,
n'ah'm gonna whup y'uh."
RATS - noun. Entitled
power or privilege. Usage: "We
Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
FARN - adjective.
Not local. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand
a wurd he sed....mus' be from some farn country."
DID - adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."
EAR - noun.
A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe....give 'im some ear!"
BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted
cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
JEW HERE - Noun and verb contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that
my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war
fence cump'ny?"
HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah....haze
ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf."
SEED - verb, past tense of "to see".
VIEW - contraction:
verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City....view?"
GUMMIT - Noun. A bureaucratic
institution.
Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."
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Subj: Ebonics
Night before Christmas (S44)
From: auntieg on 97-11-29
'Twas da night
befo' Christmas
& all
in the hood,
Not a homie
was stirring
cuz it was
all good.
The tube socks
was hung
on the window
sill
and we all
had
smiles up
on our grill.
Mookie and
BeBe was snug in the crib
in the back
bedroom, cuz that's how we live.
And Moms
in her do-rag and me with my nine,
had just
gotten busy cuz girlfriend is fine.
All of a sudden
a lowrider rolled by,
Bumpin' phat
beats cuz the system's fly.
I bounced
to the window at a quarter pas'
'Bout ready
to pop a cap in somebody's ass!
Well anyway....I
yelled to my lady, Yo peep this!
She said,
Stop frontin' & just mind yo' bidness.
I said, for
real doe, come check dis out.
We weren't
even buggin', no worries, no doubt.
Cuz bumpin'
an thumpin' from around da way
Was Santa,
8 reindeer and a sleigh.
Da beats was
kickin', da ride was phat
I said, "Yo
red Dawg, you all that!"
He threw
up a sign and yelled to his boyz,
"Ay yo, give
it up, let's make some noise!"
To the top
of the projects & across the strip mall,
We gots ta
go, I got a booty call!"
He pulled
up his ride on the top a da roof,
and sippin'
on a 40, he busted a move.
I yelled up
to Santa, "Yo ain't got no stack!"
he
said, "Damn homie, deese projects is wack!
But don't
worry black, cuz I gots da skillz
I learnt
back when I hadda pay da billz."
Out from his
bag he pulled 3 small tings
a credit
card, a knife, and a bobby pin.
He slid down
the fire exscape smoove as a cat,
and busted
the window wit' a b-ball bat.
I said, "Whassup,
Santa? Whydya bust my place?"
he said,"You
best get on up out my face!"
His threads
was all leatha, his chains was all gold,
His sneaks
was Puma and they was 5 years old.
He dropped
down the duffle, Clippers logo on the side.
Santa broke
out da loot and my mouf popped open wide.
A wink of
his eye and a shine off his gold toof,
He cabbage
patched his way back onto the roof.
He jumped
in his hooptie wit' rims made of chrome,
To tap that
booty waitin' at home.
And all I
heard as he cruised outta sight,
was a loud
and hearty..... "WEEESST SIIIIDE!!!!!!!"
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