>>> Subj:     Question & Answer Type Jokes (Gz)                  (Includes 169 jokes and articles)

Dozen Roses  from Mike Shaikun's Animation

Also see AUSTRALIAN   - 'Short Australian Jokes
         BLACK2 file  - 'Short Black Jokes'
         BLONDE3 file - 'Short Blonde Jokes'
         College file - 'Short College Jokes'
         GAY file     - 'Short Gay Jokes'
         HOWMANY file - 'How Many _ does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?'
         INDIAN file  - 'Short Indian Jokes'
         ITALIAN file - 'Short Italian Jokes'
         FAMOUS-PEOPL1- 'Short Michael Jackson Jokes'
         JEWISH3 file - 'Short Jew Jokes'
         LAWYER file  - 'Short Lawyer Jokes'
         MEN4 file    - 'Question-Answers About Men'
         MEXICAN file - 'Short Mexican Jokes'
         MUSIC file   - 'Short Music jokes'
         NUN2 file    - 'Short Nun Jokes'
         PREGNANT file- 'Basic Pregnancy Questions'
         PRIEST3 file - 'Short Priest Jokes'
         SCOTTISH file- 'Short Scottish Jokes'
         SPERM file   - 'Short Sperm Jokes'
         TH-SILLY-SUPP- 'Trick Questions & Answers'
     and WOMEN3 file  - 'Question-Answers About Women'

=============================================================Top
=================M Y   F A V O R I T E S ====================

 Q: What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies
    and a ladies track team?
 A: A tribe of pygmies is a bunch of cunning runts.

 Q: What's gray and come's in quarts?
 A: Elephants.

 Q: What's green and smells like pork?
 A: Kermit the Frog's finger.

 Q: Why is marriage similar to a hurricane?
 A: First there is a lot of sucking and blowing,
    then later on you lose your house.

 Q: How do you tell a male chromosome from a female chromosome?
 A: Pull down its genes.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
======================== E T H N I C =======================

 Q: What do Arab's yell out at a down town strip joint?
 A: Show us ya face!!

 Q: What do you do with a dead Texan who's too big
    for his coffin?
 A: Give him an enema and put him in a shoebox.

 Q: Did you hear the Iraqis have found a new use for sheep?
 A: Wool.  (Playboy January 1997)

 Q: How do you know if an Asian broke into your house?
 A: The cats missing and the math homework is done!

 Q: Why are all Asians skinny?
 A: They don't serve food at libraries.

 Q: Why is Vietnam so flat?
 A: Because all the slopes are over here.

 Q: When do the Vietnamese consider their dog spoiled?
 A: When it is left out of the refrigerator too long.

 Q: What's the best thing about a Japanese gangster?
    (Playboy January 1997)
 A: When he takes you for a ride, you get great milage.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
======================= A N I M A L S ======================

 Q: What's the difference between a fox and a cow?
 A: About six beers.

 Q: What do you call a row of rabbits jumping backwards?
 A: A receding hair line.

 Q: Why don't bears wear shoes or socks?
 A: Because they like to run around in bear feet!

 Q: Why are ducks so poor?
 A: Get ready for this one... Because they only have one bill!

 Q: Why did the bird cross the road?
 A: Because it was stapled to the chicken!

 Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road 1 million years ago?
 A: Because there were no chickens back then!

 Q: What would you have discovered if you found bones
    on the moon?
 A: The cow didn't make it! (You know, the cow jumped
    over the moon)

 Q: How do hens stay fit?
 A: They egg-sercise!

 Q: What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
 A: Is that you mama?

 Q: Which pine has the longest needles?
 A: A porcupine.

 Q: How do porcupines make love?
 A: Veerry carefully!

 Q: What do you get when you cross an onion and a donkey?
 A: Either a hairy onion or a piece of ass that will bring
    a tear to your eye.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
=========================== S E X ==========================

 Q: What is a man's view of safe sex?
 A: A padded head board.

 Q: Whats a mans idea of foreplay?
 A: Half hour of begging.

 Q: Why are men like linoleum?
 A: If you lay them right the first time you can walk
    on them for years.

 Q: What is a blondes mating call?
 A: God I'm drunk!

 Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
 A: What are you shaking for? She's going to eat me!!

 Q. How do you make your wife scream after an orgasm?
 A. Wipe your dick on the curtains.

 Q: How do you piss your wife off when you're making love?
 A: Phone her!

 Q: What is the difference between erotic sex and kinky sex?
 A: During erotic sex you use a feather, during kinky sex you
    use the whole chicken.

 Q: How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead?
 A: She unties you.

 Q:  Why do they call a pap smear a pap smear?
 A:  Because if they called it a cunt scrape, no one would
     have it done!

 Q: What's the difference between Anal sex and a Microwave?
 A: A Microwave doesn't brown your meat.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
=================== S I C K    J O K E S ===================

 Q: What's 50' long and smells of urine?
 A: A line dance at a retirement village.

 Q: What do you get a dead baby for its birthday?
 A: A dead puppy.

 Q: What's the worst thing about eating bald pussy?
 A: Putting the diaper back on when you are finished!

 Q: What's red and has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
 A: Kurt Cobain's ceiling!

 Q: When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
 A: When he eats his first Brownie.

 Q: What do you get a pit bull for Christmas?
 A: A dead baby.

 Q: What do you do if you find an epeleptic in your bath tub?
 A: Throw the washing in.

 Q: What did the white trash girl say when she lost
    her virginity?
 A: Get off me, dad, you're crushing my smokes!

 Q: Why did the fetus chew a hole in its mother's uterus?
 A: Because it wanted a womb with a view!!!

 Q: What do you call a gynecologist's office that's full
    of people?
 A: Standing womb only.

 Q: Did you know Christa McAuliffe had blue eyes?
 A: One blew over here, one blew over there.

 Q: Did you know that Christa McAuliffe had dandruff?
 A: They found her head and shoulders on the beach.

 Q: Did you know Christa McAuliffe was going to be
    the first person to take a shower in space?
 A: But she just decided to wash up on shore.

 Q: What type of shampooh does Crista McAuliffe use?
 A: Her Head & Shoulder's washed up on the beach.

 Q: What did the crew of the shuttle disaster and
    Margaret Houlahan from M*A*S*H have in common?
 A: They've both been fucked by 'Major Burns'

 Q: What does NASA stand for?
 A: Need Another Seven Astronauts.

 Q: Did you hear NASA got a promotional deal with Sprite?
 A: They couldn't get Seven-Up.

 Q: What were Christa MacAuliffe's last words?
 A: "What's this button for?"

 Q: What was the last thing to go through Commander Scobee's
    mind when the Challenger exploded?
 A: The control panel.

 Q: What was the last thing Christa MacAuliffe said
    to her husband?
 A: "You feed the dogs, honey; I'll feed the fish."

 Q: What subject did Christa MacAuliffe teach?
 A: Social studies . . . but now she's history.

 Q: When's the next space shuttle launch?
 A: The fourth of July.

 Q: What's the difference between the Patriots and
    the Challenger?
 A: The Patriots made it past Miami.

 Q: What's red, stands in front of a mirror and grows smaller
    and smaller ?
 A: A baby combing itself with a potato peeler.

 Q: What beats itself against a pane of glass and then explodes ?
 A: A baby in a microwave.

 Q: What do a necrophiliac and a drunk have in common?
 A: Both just love to pop a cold one.

 Q: Why are fat girls like mopeds?
 A: They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

 Q: How do you fuck a fat chick?
 A: Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.

 Q: What is the best thing about sex with a dead horse?
 A: You don't have to tie it up first!

 Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
 A: One scoop of ice cream, add milk, one scoop of dead baby.

 Q: How do you make a dead baby sink?
 A: Hollow it out and put in some faucets.

 Q: Why is it advisable to take boiling water to births ?
 A: So if the baby is stillborn, you can make a soup !

 Q: Whats the definition of disgusting??
 A: Two simese twins joined at the mouth and one spews.

 Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
 A: Because his wife died!

 Q: Why are camels called "Ships of the desert"?
 A: Because they're filled with arab semen(seamen).

 Q: How does a 10 year old girl from Alabama know her mommy
    is on the rag?
 A: Her brother's dick tastes like blood.

 Q: What's the worst thing about sex with your sister?
 A: Blood in the diaper.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #82
 Q: What did Cinderella say she got to the ball?
 A: Cough, gag, choke, etc.

 Q: How did Linda Lovelace's Grandma die?
 A: She went down on the Titanic

 Q: What has 4 arms, and 4 legs and eats ants?
 A: 2 uncles.

 Q: How do you make "Toilet Paper Fricassee"?
 A: First you brown one side.

 Q: What's the define of Vagina?
 A: It's the box a penis comes in.

 Q: Why don't women do a piss first thing in the morning??
 A: Have you ever tried to open a TOASTED CHEESE SANDWICH !

 Q: What do the Unabomber and a 13 year old girl from
    Arkansas have in common?
 A: They've both been fingered by their brother!

 Q: Hear about the new Madonna stamp?
 A: It licks itself.

 Q: How does Janet Reno earn her living?
 A: She made a killing in Waco.

 Q: What do a necrophiliac and a beer drinker have in common?
 A: They both enjoy popping a cold one.

 Q: What do you do with 50 epileptics in a swimming pool?
 A: Throw in your laundry.

 Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
 A: Gonorrhea.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #240 on 98-04-15
 Q: What's the difference between acne and a paedophile?
 A: Acne doesn't come all over your face until you're 14.

 Q: What is soft & warm when you go to bed, but hard and
    stiff when you wakeup?
 A: Vomit.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
======================== O T H E R S =======================

 Q: How does a butcher introduce his daughter?
 A: "Meet Pattie."

 Q: What do you call a clairvoyant midget who just broke out
    of prison?
 A: A small medium at large.

 Q: Why did the robber take a bath?
 A: So he could make a clean getaway!

 Q: Why did the old man tip toe past the medicine cabinet?
 A: Because he knew there were sleeping pills!

 Q: Which are the stonger of the days?
 A: Sat. & Sun. because the others are weak days!

 Q: When is a door not a door?
 A: When its a jar!

 Q: Why can't a bank keep a secret?
 A: Because there are too many tellers!

 Q: What did one wall say to the other?
 A: I'll meet you at the corner!

 Q: Whats the difference between true love & herpies ?
 A: Herpies lasts for ever.

 Q: What do you do when the dishwasher quits working?
 A: Slap her.

 Q: What's the best thing about having Alzheimer's Disease?
 A: You can hide your own easter eggs.

 Q: What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden?
 A: A seizure salad.

 Q: Why is fucking a fat chic like riding a scooter?
 A: There both fun to ride until your friends see you on them!

 Q: What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between
    his teeth?
 A: Gladiator! (Glad he ate her)

 Q: Why did they put Mini mouse in the nut house?
 A: She was fucking goofy!

 Q: What's marijuana?
 A: Grass that can mow down a gardener.

 Q: How does a WASP decide sexual compatability?
 A: They both have headaches every night at ten.

 Q: How can you tell a happy motorcyclist?
 A: By the number of bugs on his teeth!

 Q:  What is the difference between the snake
     in the Garden of Eden and Bill Gates?
 A:  The snake used an apple to cause the downfall of humanity,
     and BG is using humanity to cause the downfall of Apple.

 Q: How do you circumcise a Whale?
 A: With four-skin-divers (fore-skin-divers? awww fergit it!)

 Q: Where do watermelons go for holidays?
 A: John Cougars' Melon Camp.

 Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
 A: quarter pounder with cheese.

 Q: What do breasts and martinis have in common?
 A: One is not enough and three are too many.

 Q: What did the surfer say when the lifeguard ordered him
    from the ocean because of a high bacteria count?
 A: Yeah, right, dude.  Like bacteria can count. (Playboy January 1997)

 Q: What do American Beer and having sex in a canoe have in common?
 A: Both are fucking close to water!

 Q: What's blue and comes in a brownie?
 A: A cub Scout!

 Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
 A: A tea bag.

 Q: What does DNA stand for?
 A: National Dyslexics Association

 Q: What's wrinkled and hangs out your underwear ?
 A: Your mother

 Q: Do you know why Burger King had to go to jail?
 A: He tried to slip his Whopper into Wendy's hot and juicy.

 Q: What is the difference between pussy and driving in the fog?
 A: When eating pussy you can see the cunt in front of you.

 Q: Why elephants have such long trunks?
 A: Because sheep don't have strings!

 Q: What's the definition of indefinitely?
 A: When your balls slap her ass, you're in, definitely.

 Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
 A: Seeing your mother in law driving off a cliff in your
    brand new Mercedes.

 Q: Have you ever seen an asshole wrapped in plastic?
 A: Look at your driver's license!

 Q: What comes after 69?
 A: Listerine!

 Q: What did Catherine the Great, Atilla the Hun, and
    Bozo the Clown all have in common?
 A: The same middle name.

 Q: Whats the difference between a Magicians wand and
    a Policemans Batton?
 A: One is for Cunning Stunts!

 Q: What's the difference between a circus and the rockettes?
 A: One is a cunning array of stunts!

 Q: How are tits like an electric train set?
 A: They were originally intended for kids,
    but Daddy always winds up playing with them.

 Q: Between what two toes are women the most tickleish?
 A: The two big ones.

 Q: How do you tell if a woman is ticklish?
 A: You give her a couple of test tickles.

 Q: How do you make a woman scream twice?
 A: Fuck her in the ass, then wipe your dick on the drapes.

 Q: What does Waco stand for?
 A: We ain't comin' out!

 Q: Why do mice have such small balls?
 A: Because so very few of them know how to dance.

 Q: Why do you stay with that sadist?
 A: Beats me!

 Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
 A: Because he had NO BODY to go with.

 Q: What animal can jump higher than a house?
 A: Most animals, because a house can't jump.

 Q: Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
 A: It was IN TENTS! (pronounced like INTENSE).

 Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
 A: To prove he wasn't chicken.

 Q: What do a walrus and tupperware have in common?
 A: They both like a tight seal.
    from Richard Baldwin, 12/90.

 Q: Why is sex with someone new like a snow snorm?
 A: Because you never know how deep it will be or how long
    it will last.  from Paola Lortie 94.04.21

 Q: What can a lifesaver do that a man can't?
 A: Come in five flavors.

 Q: What did one alligator say to the other?
 A: Airplane food sucks!

 Q: Last words of a frontier man to his son right
    before they are stampeded by Buffalo.
 A: "Bison"

 Q: Where does a one armed man shop?
 A: At a second hand store!

 Q: What has four wheels and flies?
 A: A garbage truck.

 Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
 A: Ground beef!

 Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
 A: No eye-deer.

 Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
 A: Unique up on it!

 Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
 A: Tame way, unique up on it!

 Q: What gets wetter and wetter as it drys?
 A: A towel.

 Q: What do you get when you cross a potato and a penis?
 A: a dictator.

 Q: How can you tell a blind man at a nudist camp?
 A: It's not hard.

 Q: What did Captin Hook die of?
 A:  Jock itch.

 Q: If a plane crashes on the border of Canada and Usa where
    do you bury the survivers?
 A: You don't bury survivers!

 Q: What do Saddam Hussein and Little Miss Muffett have in common?
 A: Both of them have Kurds in their Whey (way).

 Q: What are four hundred rabbits hopping backwards?
 A: A receding hare line.

 Q: What did the one crocodile say to the other crocodile?
 A: What's with the long face?

 Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a skunk?
 A: Winnie the Phew!

 Q: What do a walrus and a Tupperware box have in common?
 A: Both like a tight seal.

 Q: What do a walrus and a space shuttle have in common?
 A: They are both looking for a tight seal.

 Q: What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
 A: Beer nuts are $1.69 and deer nuts are under a buck.

 Q: What do you call ten guys stacked on each others shoulders?
 A: A scrotum pole!

 Q: What's the difference between a pick pocket and a pervert?
 A: A pickpocket snatches watches.

 Q: What's the difference between love and like?
 A: A spit and a swallow.

 Q: How many people does it take to circumcise a whale?
 A: Four skin divers.

 Q: What do you call a truck load of vibrators?
 A: Toys for twats.

From: Neal's Nasty Free Filthy Daily Dirty Joke For 2/21/97
 Q: What's the German word for virgin?
 A: Goesintight.

From: Neal's Nasty Free Filthy Daily Dirty Joke For 3/13/97
 Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
 A: Snowballs

From: ipkis on 97-07-24
 Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the playhouse?
 A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie mutherfucker, lie!"

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #193
 Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
 A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex sex makes your whole week.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================

Smiley talks from Smiley Faces

.