Subj: Library Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 7 jokes and articles)
Librarian from
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Subj: Library Jokes (Gz) (Includes 7 jokes and articles) |
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Librarian from Animation Factory |
Also see PL-CINT-SCLD2- 'Buying
Titanic Or My Life'
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Subj: The
Pun Reference Library (S402b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/21/2004
Falling Trees: Tim Burr
Long Walk: Miss D. Bus(j)
Gardening With The Ex-President:
Rose Bush*
Under the Bleachers: Seymour
Butts(l)
The Pullman Sleeper: Bertha
Buv*
A Whole Lot of Cats: Kitt N.
Caboodle
Say The Magic Word: Abby Cadabra*
How To Make Cornmeal Pancakes:
Johnny Cake*
Desert Crossing: I. Rhoda Camel
Star Spangled Barrio: Jose Canusee*
Gambling: Monty Carlos
Hertz, Don't It?: Lisa Carr*
I Need Insurance: Justin Case
Money Management: Owen Cash(o)
Ship Mysteries: Marie Celeste
The Sweat Shop: Hiram Cheap*
Cosmetology: Rosie Cheeks*
Musical Gunfighters: The Okay
Chorale
I Like Fish: Ann Chovie
Happy New Year!: Mary Christmas
The Miracle Drug: Penny Cillin*
Life in Chicago: Wendy City
The Ham Radio Primer: Loudon
Clear*
Cheaper than IBM: P.C. Clone(l)
You Wash, I'll Dry: Terry Cloth*
I Was a Cloakroom Attendant:
Mahatma Coate(1)
The Greasy Spoon: Chris Coe*
Snakes of the World: Anna Conda
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Subj: The
Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything (S369b)
From: igiggle on 2/17/2004
From: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki
/The_Answer_to_Life,_the_Universe,_and_Everything
Warning: Wikipedia contains spoilers.
The answer to the Ultimate
Question of Life, the Universe
and
Everything, as given
by the supercomputer Deep
Thought to a
group of mice
in Douglas Adams's
comic science fiction series
The Hitchhiker's
Guide to the Galaxy, is "42".
According to
the Guide, mice are 3-dimensional
profiles of a pan-dimensional,
hyper-intelligent race of beings.
They built Deep Thought, the
second greatest computer
of all time and space, to tell them
the answer to the question of
life, the universe and everything.
After seven and a half million
years the computer divulges the
answer: 42.
| "Forty-two!" yelled Loonquawl.
"Is that all you've got to
show for seven and a half million years' work?" "I checked it very thoroughly," said the computer, "and that quite definitely is the answer. I think the problem, to be quite honest with you, is that you've never actually known what the question is." |
The computer informs the researchers
that it will build them
a second and greater computer,
incorporating living beings as
part of its computational matrix,
to tell them what the question
is. That computer was called
Earth and was so big that
it was
often mistaken for a planet.
The question was lost minutes
before it was to be outputted,
due to the Vogons' demolition
of
the Earth, supposedly to build
a hyperspace bypass. (Later in
the series, it is revealed that
the Vogons had been hired to
destroy the Earth by a consortium
of philosophers
and
psychiatrists
who feared for their jobs should the meaning of
life become common knowledge.)
Already booked for a round of
talk-show appearances to reveal
the Question, the mice become
desperate to discover it. During
a meeting with Arthur
Dent and his companions on the planet
Magrathea,
Frankie
and Benjy mouse reveal a plan to extract
the ultimate question from Arthur's
brain. Since this involves
removing and dicing his brain,
Arthur is unwilling to go along
with the plan. He manages to
escape from them unscathed.
Lacking a real answer, the mice
proposed to use "How many roads
must a man walk down?" as the
question for talk-shows (having
rejected the question, "What's
yellow and dangerous?" - actually
a riddle whose answer, not given
by Adams, is "Shark-infested
custard").
At the end of the book The
Restaurant at the End of the Universe
(volume 2 of the Hitchhiker's
trilogy), Arthur Dent
(as the last
human to have left the Earth
before its destruction, and there-
fore the portion of the computer
matrix most likely to hold the
question) attempts to discover
the Question by extracting it
from his unconscious mind, through
pulling Scrabble letters
at
random out of a sack. The result
is the sentence "WHAT DO YOU
GET IF YOU MULTIPLY SIX BY NINE".
| "Six by nine. Forty-two."
"That's it. That's all there is." |
Since 6 x 9 = 54, this being
the question would imply that the
universe is bizarre and irrational;
on the other hand, there
is no proof that this was the
actual question. After all, Arthur
Dent comprised only a minuscule
fragment of the vast and complex
computer matrix that was the
Earth, and besides, it was stated
that the computer's run had
not finished when it was destroyed.
In addition, Arthur and Ford
realized that the original ape-like
inhabitants of Earth were displaced
by the Golgafrinchans,
which
could account for the irrational
nature of the question in Arthur's
mind (as he himself is a descendant
of the Golgafrinchans).
However, it was later pointed
out that 6 x 9 = 42 if the
calculations are performed in
base 13, not base 10.
Douglas Adams
was not aware of this at the
time, and has denied that base 13
has anything to do with it.
In the original radio series,
this scene occurs at the end of the
first series (Fit the Sixth).
On discovering the question, Arthur
Dent remarks "I always said
there was something fundamentally
wrong with the universe.".
"42" is often used in the same
vein as a metasyntactic
variable;
42 is often used in testing
programs as a common initializer for
integer variables.
Google
has recently added a calculator function to its search
engine, which contains a formula
for
the question answer
to life
the
universe and everything.
Computer programmers' joke
There is a joke
amongst computer
programmers that Deep Thought
may have had some order
of operations issues. The following code
in the programming
language C defines the macros
SIX as "1 + 5"
and NINE as "8 + 1", and then
performs the computation "SIX * NINE".
It returns the answer "42",
because "SIX * NINE" is expanded by
the computer to "1 + 5 * 8 +
1", and the multiplication takes
precedence
over the additions. (A macro is not a variable.)
| #include <stdio.h>
#define SIX 1 + 5
int main()
|
See also: Meaning
of life
External links
Douglas Adams himself had also
something to say on this subject;
see this
message. Google
calculator's calculation of "Answer
To
Life The Universe And Everything".
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Subj: B.O.O.K
From: Anaise on 98-06-11
Introducing the new Bio-Optic
Organized Knowledge
device, trade-named -- BOOK.
BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough
in technology: no
wires, no electric circuits,
no batteries, nothing to be
connected or switched on.
It's so easy to use, even a
child can operate it.
Compact and portable, it can
be used anywhere -- even
sitting in an armchair by the
fire -- yet it is powerful
enough to hold as much information
as a CD-ROM disc.
Here's how it works:
BOOK is constructed of sequentially
numbered sheets of paper
(recyclable), each capable of
holding thousands of bits of
information. The pages are locked
together with a custom-fit
device called a binder which
keeps the sheets in their
correct sequence.
Opaque Paper Technology (OPT)
allows manufacturers to use
both sides of the sheet, doubling
the information density
and cutting costs. Experts
are divided on the prospects
for further increases in information
density; for now, BOOKS
with more information simply
use more pages. Each sheet is
scanned optically, registering
information directly into
your brain. A flick of
the finger takes you to the next
sheet.
BOOK may be taken up at any time
and used merely by opening
it.
BOOK never crashes or requires
rebooting, though, like
other devices, it can become
damaged if coffee is spilled
on it and it becomes unusable
if dropped too many times on
a hard surface. The "browse"
feature allows you to move
instantly to any sheet, and
move forward or backward as you
wish. Many come with an "index"
feature, which pin-points
the exact location of any selected
information for instant
retrieval.
An optional "BOOKmark" accessory
allows you to open BOOK to
the exact place you left it
in a previous session -- even
if the BOOK has been closed.
BOOKmarks fit universal
design standards; thus, a single
BOOKmark can be used in
BOOKs by various manufacturers.
Conversely, numerous BOOK
markers can be used in a single
BOOK if the user wants to
store numerous views at once.
The number is limited only
by the number of pages in the
BOOK. You can also make
personal notes next to BOOK
text entries with optional
programming tools, Portable
Erasable Nib Cryptic
Intercommunication Language
Styli (PENCILS).
Portable, durable, and affordable,
BOOK is being hailed as
a precursor of a new entertainment
wave. BOOK's appeal
seems so certain that thousands
of content creators have
committed to the platform and
investors are reportedly
flocking to invest. Look for
a flood of new titles soon.
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Subj: When
Does The Library Open?
From: Max's Humor Archive on 07/15/97
"What time does the library open?"
the man on the phone
asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply.
"And what's the idea of
calling me at home in the middle
of the night to ask
a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man
asked in a disappointed
voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the
librarian said. "Why do
you want to get in before nine
A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?"
the man sighed sadly. "I
want to get out!"
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Subj: Library
Book - Cartoon (S453)
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/16/2005
Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C19990724
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Subj: Short
Library Jokes
Isaac Asimov is the only author
to have a book in every
Dewey-decimal category.
From: igiggle on 8/14/2004 (S394b)
Never lend books - nobody ever
returns them;
the only books I have in my
library are those
which people have lent me.
-- Anatole France
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