Subj:      Manners and Advice Supp
...........(Includes 11 jokes, 09 1117,8,cf,wXT2a5a,3)

...........L5 Update


Fireplace from
Includes the following:  B.C. Comic Strip (DU)
.........................Madea Gives Relationship Advice - Video (S890)
.........................Dear Missed Manners:
.........................Frank And Ernest Cartoon (S619b)
.........................Fruitcake Lady III - Video (S631, S794)
.........................Garfield Comic Strip (S1068)
.........................Early Table Manners (S82, DU)
.........................B.C. Comic Strip II (DU)
.........................Flapjack Flap (S625c)
.........................Dear Abby on Maturity - Newspaper Column (S1022)
.........................Short Manners Jokes
..............................Ask Amy Advice Column (S904)

Subj:     B.C. Comic Strip (DU)
          By Mastroianni and Hart in 2011
 Source: www.gocomics.com/bc/2011/07/09
Subj:     Madea Gives Relationship Advice
          From: Nicole Mari Burris
          in 2014 (S890d-On Site)
 Source1: www.vimeo.com/18145425
 Source2: www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=226161747414537

 Tyler Perry's Madea gives relationship advice in the Madea
 Goes to Jail Stage Play from 2006.  Madea tells how to
 manage relationships!  She details her theory, of people
 being in your life for a reason, for a season, or for
 a lifetime!  Of course you can count on a bit of humor!
 Click 'HERE' to hear Madea at her best.

Subj:     Dear Missed Manners:
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #89 in 1998

 Dear Missed Manners: I recently sent a gift to a friend as
 a housewarming present.  I have yet to receive a thank-you
 note for the gift.  Now I'm expected at another party that
 she is throwing this weekend.  What does proper decorum
 dictate that I do, giftwise? - Generous in Geneva

 Dear Generous in Geneva - Well, well, well, you sent your
 friend a gift and you didn't get a card.  Wait, wait, let
 me guess what kind of "housewarming gift" this was - an
 assortment of soap samples from The Body Shop?  One of
 those little wooden boxes you take out every year to hold
 all the beautiful Christmas cards you get from your
 beautiful friends?  Be lucky a thank-you note is all you
 didn't get, because what you really deserve is a good swift
 kick in the face, you bourgeois-perpetuating, neighborhood-
 gentrifying, wish-you-could-live-your-life-in-Pier-1 piece
 of shit.  Proper decorum for the party dictates that you
 bend down, pucker up and kiss your friend's rosy ass,
 because they're one more friend than you deserve, you

 Dear Missed Manners: After much shopping, I have finally
 found the perfect set of silverware.  The only problem is
 that they're so expensive, I've only been buying them one
 utensil at a time - first, all the knives, then all the
 spoons.  We are hosting a dinner party in the upcoming
 weeks, and I really want to show off the new silverware,
 even though I don't have the full set.  Do you think it
 would be okay to mix in forks from another, similar set?
  -- Curious in Cleveland

 Dear Curious in Cleveland - (Pause) Is this a fucking
 joke?  Did you really send me this letter?  Did you
 seriously sit down and spend thirty-two cents and twenty
 minutes of your life to write this fucking thing, fold it,
 put it in the fucking envelope and mail it to me?  Is this
 your miserable excuse for having problems in your life?
 When your therapist charged you 150 bucks for the pleasure
 of telling you things like, "vent your anxieties more," do
 you really think this is what he had in mind?

 Let me give you a problem you should really worry about.
 Like, how 'bout a guy who's got a college degree but is
 almost about to get kicked out of his apartment because
 he can't find anything but a lousy fucking $10 an hour
 job?  Or a guy that hasn't had sex in nine months 'cause
 every time he gets close to a woman he finds some
 arbitrary reason to reject her because the cumulative
 stress of ex-girlfriends is slowly moving him to a phobia
 of intimacy? Well? How you like them apples?

 As for your culinary problems... I have no idea.  Why
 don't you try plastic forks like the rest of us, you
 fuckin' loon?

 Dear Missed Manners: My son has come home from college
 for the summer, and it seems we have a problem.  So far,
 he has spent almost every night out with his friends and
 often will not come home until two in the morning.  He
 says that this is the schedule he keeps at school and he
 is old enough to be making his own curfew.  I say as long
 as he's living under my roof, he lives by my rules.  Help,
 Missed Manners! - Father in Florida

 Dear Father in Florida - (Long pause) Ah, just go fuck

 Dear Miss Manners: Well, it's that time of year where the
 spring wardrobes start coming out.  With your many years
 of etiquette advice, I thought you could give me some
 historical background on what is proper attire for what
 times of year, along with what current fashion dictates
 for this year. - Style Aware in San Antonio

 Dear Style Aware in San Antonio - Jesus, has this entire
 country become like my parents, terminally addicted to
 Prozac?  Wake up, people!  Look, you all obviously don't
 have a fuckin' clue, and I'm currently pretty high on
 this speed I took earlier this afternoon, so let me now
 lay out the truth to all of my miserable 644 syndicated
 outlets of losers nationwide:

 Missed Manners smoked four packs of Virginia Slims a day
 and died about two years ago of black lung disease.  Then
 the syndication boss got smart and finally realized that
 Miss Manners doesn't say a whole hell of a lot, and that
 they could probably hire a kid straight out of college
 for about half the salary.  Enter me, a 27 year old
 journalism student whose only reason he's not waiting
 tables is he can type eighty words a minute.  They're
 paying me $32,000 a year, which is more money than I've
 ever seen in my life, and all I have to do is, as my boss
 put it, "write some shit like 'put baking soda on that
 stain' and 'politeness requires abstaining from off-color
 jokes at the work place.'" Easy money, I thought.

 But it's six months later and every time I dare speak up,
 that I have the audacity to mention, "You know, what we
 do here is basically bullshit"; every time I mention that
 there's a better way of doing business than pandering to
 the lowest common denominator; every time my boss responds
 with, "Your job is not to think - your job is to execute";
 and every time my co-workers say, "Look, you're not in art
 school anymore - this is the real world"; and every time
 I'm made to believe that only in a fantasy world can you
 pay your bills without completely whoring yourself - well,
 that's another day that I go home with blood running
 between my legs and I have to fashion a band-aid out of
 the wads of cash I originally accepted in the first place
 because they were supposed to free up my creative career.

 So - no more.  Today's the day I slip my column past my
 boss and out directly onto the wire and tell the world
 that I will no longer take this ass fucking.  So... for-
 give me if I no longer feign an interest in your pathetic
 little life that I never cared about in the first place.
 Forgive me if I refuse to lie anymore at job interviews
 and pretend like I want to work a corporate job the rest
 of my life because I won't get hired any other way because
 you sold your soul to the devil twenty years ago and now
 won't hire anyone unless they make the same sacrifice.
 Forgive me if I slap you across the face as hard as I can
 every time you say, "Well, it sounds like you've pretty
 much got a creative job, so what's the problem?" I no
 longer have the strength to be Missed Manners.  I can't
 do it, and I won't do it.

 As far as your question goes, always remember the two
 golden rules: never wear white before Memorial Day; and
 only Eurotrash wear Speedos.  Now get out of my face, you
 fuckin' momma's boy, before I kick your ass.

Subj:     Frank And Ernest Cartoon (S619b)
          by Bob Thaves in 2008
 Source: www.gocomics.com/frank-and-ernest/2008/11/17
Subj:     Fruitcake Lady III
          From: tom (S631, S794)
          in 2009 2012 (d-On Site)
 Source: www.bofunk.com/video/2986/fruitcake_lady.html

 The video "Ask the Fruitcake Lady III" was a crowd favorite
 on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.  You can see this cute
 video by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Early Table Manners (S82, DU)
          From: RFSlick in 1998

 A Christian and philosopher and educator, Erasmus of Rotterdam,
 the greatest classical scholar of the northern Humanist of
 Renaissance, determined that manners was the best instilled at an
 early age. Here are some samples from his work, which was a best
 seller for three centuries.

               "On Civility in Children" (c.1530)

- "Turn away when spitting lest your saliva fall on someone. If
   anything purulent falls on the ground, it should be trodden upon,
   lest it nauseate someone."
- "To lick greasy fingers or to wipe them on your coat is impolite.
   It is better to use the table cloth or the serviette."
- "Some people put their hands in the dishes the moment they have
   sat down. Wolves do that."
- "You should not offer your handkerchief to anyone unless it has
   been freshly washed.  Nor is it seemly, after wiping your nose,
   to spread out your handkerchief and peer into it as if pearl and
   rubies might have fallen out of your head."
- "If you cannot swallow a piece of food, turn around discreetly
   and throw it somewhere."
- "Retain the wind by compressing the belly."
- "Do not be afraid of vomiting if you must; for it is not
   vomiting but holding the vomit in your throat that is foul."
- "Do not move back and forth on your chair.  Whoever does that
   gives the impression of constantly breaking or trying to break

Subj:     Garfield Comic Strip (S1068)
          By Jim Davis in 2017
Source: www.gocomics.com/garfield/2017/06/28
Subj:     B.C. Comic Strip (DU)
          By Mastroianni and Hart in 2015
 Source: www.gocomics.com/bc/2015/08/14
Subj:     Flapjack Flap (S625c)
          From: aldavito in 2008
 Source: www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/pancake.asp

 Claim:  Mold that forms in pancake mix can cause a life-
         threatening allergic reaction.
 Status: True.

 DEAR ABBY: I recently made a batch of pancakes for my
 healthy 14-year-old son, using a mix that was in our
 pantry.  He said that they tasted "funny," but ate them
 anyway.  About 10 minutes later, he began having difficulty
 breathing and his lips began turning purple.  I gave him
 his allergy pill, had him sit on the sofa and told him to
 relax.  He was wheezing while inhaling and exhaling.  My
 husband, a volunteer firefighter and EMT, heated up some
 water, and we had my son lean over the water so the steam
 could clear his chest and sinuses.  Soon, his breathing
 became more regular and his lips returned to a more normal
 color.  We checked the date on the box of pancake mix and,
 to my dismay, found it was very outdated.  As a reference
 librarian at an academic institution, I have the ability
 to search through many research databases.  I did just
 that, and found an article the next day that mentioned a
 19-year-old male DYING after eating pancakes made with
 outdated mix.  Apparently, the mold that forms in old
 pancake mix can be toxic!  When we told our friends about
 my son's close call, we were surprised at the number of
 people who mentioned that they should check their own
 pancake mix since they don't use it often, or they had
 purchased it some time ago.  With so many people shopping
 at warehouse-type stores and buying large sizes of pancake
 mix, I hope your readers will take the time to check the
 expiration date on their boxes.


 DEAR SUE: Thank you for the warning. I certainly was not
 aware that pancake mix could turn moldy and cause an
 allergic reaction in someone with an allergy to mold
 but it's logical.  I wonder if the same holds true for
 cake mix, brownie mix and cookie mix.  If so, then a
 warning should be placed on the box for people like me.

 We hear so often about discarding prescription and over-
 the-counter medications after their expiration dates, but
 I don't recall warnings about packaged items in the pantry.
 Heads up, folks!

 Snopes.com verifies that this danger is real, but can not
 substantiate the incident described.  You can read Snopes'
 report at the above source.

Subj:     Dear Abby on Maturity (S1022)
          From: Caroline Jenkins in 2016
 Source: www.pbs.twimg.com/media/Cf6hfuNUkAAy5E5.jpg

Subj:     Short Manners Jokes

Subj:     Ask Amy Advice Column (S904d)
          From: Petra van Klaveren-Chini on Facebook
Photo from DenverPost.com
 Source: www.imgur.com/ByBfmNt
 Click 'HERE' to the read single best Ask Amy Advice
 Column response I've ever read.

                           -(o o)-
..........................From AnimationPlayhouse.com