Let's face it, haikus are getting a bit blase.  For this reason John Perry decided Nixon deserves something more, something deeper.  He announced the start of the fabulous Dick Nixon Memorial Burma Shave Showdown.
People showed their appreciation for our ex-pres with a Burma Shave poem.  They send them to John, who finally announce the winners.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the form, Burma Shave was a shaving cream company in the U.S. that advertised from the `20s to the `60s by placing a series of signs alongside the road that composed  a short (4-line) poem.  Some were about shaving, some about how your date would like you better if you used Burma Shave, some about driving, etc.  An example of a set of five Nixon Burma-Shave signs follows:
 

NIXON GOT US  IN WITH CHINA  NOW HE'S GONE TO  SOMETHING FINA  BURMA SHAVE

The winners of the Dick Nixon Memorial Burma Shave Showdown are listed below.  There were lots of good
entries, and I'm sure tricky Dick would have been proud to have had most of them inscribed on his headstone. 
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First prize goes to Scott Dorsey, for
 

DICKIE SLEPT  THROUGH MARTIN'S DREAM  AT LEAST HE KEPT  HIS TAPE HEADS CLEAN  with BURMA SHAVE

First prize consists of Star Trek: The Screen Saver, issue #2 of Lunatic Binge, a Where's Dan Quayle book (kinda like Where's Waldo), and a Bush-Quayle 92 Bumper Sticker.

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Second prize goes to Ilana, for 
 

NOW HE'S SIX FEET  UNDERGROUND WON'T HAVE DICK TO  KICK AROUND  BURMA SHAVE

The lucky second prize winner takes home a prize package of 3 mutant militant critter comics (Mildly-Microwaved Pre-Pubescent Kung-Fu Gophers, Naive Inter-Dimensional Commando Koalas, and Pre-Teen Dirty-Gene Kung-Fu Kangaroos), a Symantec solar powered disk-calculator, and a Donald Duck Pez dispenser.

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Finally, third prize goes to Sean Ryan for this campaign-slogan/memorial-Burma-Shave:
 

Vote for Nixon  In '72 Why change dicks  In the middle of a screw  Burma Shave

Consistent with the theme of his poem, Sean will receive an IN-N-OUT BURGER bumper sticker and a "Ross Perot for President '92" button [Ross came in third too].

All three lucky winners will also receive a tape of studio mixes of selections from the Liberal Materialists forthcoming release Brain Food Cookies (shameless plug for my band).

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Below is the complete list of entrants: