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Subj: Quotations By Comedians-Supp2
          (Includes 30 jokes and articles, 06 1073,28,cif,wXT3b6a,27)
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Laughing Tongue
from
AllMySoaceGraphics.com
Includes the following:  You Bet Your Life w/Groucho Marx - 2 Videos (S870)
.........................Eddie Murphy - The Ice Cream Man - Video (S1073)
.........................Rodney Dangerfield On The Johnny Carson Show (S1013)
.........................George Carlin's "Stuff" Routine (S1008)
.........................Brainstorm With Arnold Schwarzenegger - Video (S962)
.........................Jack Benny and Mel Blanc - Video (S953)
.........................Kyle Kinane's Stand-Up - Video (S945)
.........................W. C. Fields' Money Quote (S1059)
.........................Jim Gaffigan's Standup Routine (S938)
.........................Amy G Plays The Kazoo - Video (S893)
.........................Jim Carrey - Lincoln Ads On SNL (S928)
.........................Huffington Post's Memoriam To Robin Williams (S917)
.........................Hari Kondabolu On Conan On 6/16/14 - Video (S912)
.........................Jonathan Winters "The Stick" - Video (S886)
.........................Late Night Joke Archive (S283)
.........................Smothers Brothers - 'I'm a Pilot' - Video (S885)
.........................Jonathan Winters And Robin Williams On Johnny Carson (S885)
.........................Foster Brooks Tells A Funny Joke - Video (S877)
.........................Jerry Seinfeld Performs Stand-Up - Video (S858)
.........................Brad Zimmerman - My Son The Waiter - Video (S865)
.........................The Jovers - Video (S825)
.........................Bill Cosby Discusses Drugs - Video (S841)
.........................Mary Maxwell Gives A Funny Invocation Prayer - Video (S820)
.........................Jeff Dunham and Walter At Spark Of Insanity - Videos (S820)
.........................Father Guido Sarducci's Life Is A Job - Video (S814)
.........................'Joking Bad' With Jimmy Fallon - Video (S871)
.........................Abbott Teaches Costello On Computers (S63, S747)
.........................Other Comedian Quotations
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Subj:     You Bet Your Life w/Groucho Marx
          From: tom on 9/8/2013 (S870d-iFrame)
 This is an hilarious episode of You Bet Your Life.  It
 was a 50's game show hosted by Groucho Marx and one of
 the two contestants this day was Ramiro G. Gonzale.
 Ramiro was a very socially unaware, awkward, and
 hilarious individual.  You have to love this guy!
 Ramiro G. Gonzales went on to be an Hispanic comedic 
 legend as explained on Wikipedia at
 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedro_Gonzalez-Gonzalez
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.Photo from YouTube.com
Subj: Part1
...Source1: http://www.youtube.com/
............embed/C0mucg6nN_g
...Source2: http://www.chonday.com/
...Videos/funny-mexican-guy-with-
...groucho-marx#.UfVbmBN44QQ.email
.
 Click 'HERE' to see the first part of this very
 funny You Bet Your Life.
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Subj: Part2

...Source3: http://www.youtube.com/
............embed/bL8jsfUWXYI
.Photo from YouTube.com

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 Click 'HERE' to see the second part of this very
 funny You Bet Your Life.
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Top
Subj:     Eddie Murphy - Ice Cream Man
          From: Domenic Manchester
..........on 8/6/2017 (S1073d-On Site)
 Source: www.youtube.com/em
.........bed/Vg-csjbwo5s

 In 1983, Eddie did his 70-minute show Delirious, a
 legendary stand up special. Filmed at DAR Constitution
 Hall in Washington, D.C., it included his classic
 "Ice Cream Man" bit. Click 'HERE' to see it.

Top
Subj:     Rodney Dangerfield On The Johnny Carson Show
          From: Dalt Williams on 6/7/2016 (S1013d-iFrame)
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/4c4s_9UaxLQ
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 Click 'HERE' to see Rodney Dangerfield On The Johnny Carson Show
 in 1981.
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Top
Subj:     George Carlin's "Stuff" Routine
          From: Roger Ford on Facebook
..........on 5/13/2016 (S1008d-iFrame)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/MvgN5gCuLac

 Click 'HERE' to see George Carlin first performed his "stuff"
 routine for Comic Relief in 1986.

Top
Subj:     Brainstorm With Arnold Schwarzenegger (S962d-On Site)
          From: The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/OTaKFMM3dpw
 Source2: https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1015343
..........6121963896?set=vb.31732483895?type=2?theater
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 Click 'HERE' to see Jimmy and Arnold  Schwarzenegger link
 their brains for the Tonight Show.
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Top
Subj:     Jack Benny and Mel Blanc
          From: Joan Lamb (S953d-iFrame)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/o1FUgqn2y1g

 This 1957 episode of the Jack Benny Show featured Mel Blanc's
 dog impersonations and whats in a name.  Click 'HERE' to see
 this very funny routine.

Top
Subj:     Kyle Kinane's Stand-Up (S945d-iFrame)
          Made by: The Tonight Show w/Jimmy Fallon
          From: Kathryn Jean Brosseau on Facebook
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/AivvCn5V8Rw

 Comedian Kyle Kinane's Stand Up on The Tonight Show
 was awesome!  Kyle tells jokes about getting old and
 talking to himself. Click 'HERE' to see this stand-up
 routine.

Top
Subj:     W. C. Fields' Money Quote (S1059)
          From: bletterman265 on 5/3/2017
 Source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/495044184020745866/

 (See 'Quotes From W.C. Fields' in Movies_Etc-Fields)
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Top
Subj:     Jim Gaffigan's Standup Routine
          Made by: jimgaffigan (S938d-iFrame)
          From: Jenny Yandell on Facebook
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/GEbZrY0G9PI
 Source2: http://faithtap.com/2267/jim-gaffigan-4-kids/

 Jim Gaffigan is a father of four and has some insights
 into the life he leads with his family.  From his
 hilarious stand up performance, "Mr. Universe", he
 explains his wife's open door policy that has led to
 the kids providing him with many sleepless nights.
 Click 'HERE' to see this brilliant comedian do a
 standup routine.

Top
Subj:     Amy G Plays The Kazoo (S893)
          Posted by BloGotinha (d-iframe)
          From: Bonita Ahlers on Facebook 
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/iLV2UL5qipE
 Source2: http://www.youtube.com/embed/TjBJNwbcyfw

 Amy G is a revolutionary cabaret comedienne, who tours the
 world in theatres, cabarets, festivals and circuses.  She
 roller skates, plays a mean ukulele, sings bawdy jazz tunes,
 and makes fun of American politics.  She's playing a music
 with some funny instruments stuck in inappropriate funny
 places.  Click 'HERE' to see this very funny, very
 inappropriate, stand-up routine.

Top
Subj:     Jim Carrey - Lincoln Ads On SNL
          From: Saturday Night Live  (d-iframe)
 Source: youtube.com/embed/z3eN9u5N2Q4 (S928)

 Jim Carrey hosted "SNL" on Saturday and one of his first
 sketches out of the gate was a pretty hilarious parody of
 those weird Lincoln car ads Matthew McConaughey has been
 doing lately. Click 'HERE' to see Jim Carrey brilliantly
 mock Matthew McConaughey.

Top
Subj:     Huffington Post's Memoriam To Robin Williams
          Created by Huffington Post (S917d-On Site)
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152386865206130

 From a wacky scientist in "Flubber" to a cross-dressing man in
 "Mrs. Doubtfire," Robin Williams' roles are always diverse and
 inspiring.  Here are a few of our favorites in this memoriam
 created by The Huffington Post.  Click 'HERE' to see this very
 moving tribute to Robin.

Top
Subj:     Hari Kondabolu On Conan On 6/16/14
          Published by Hari Kondabolu (d-iframe)
 Source: youtube.com/embed/igITq2SG6xE (S912)

 Hari Kondabolu does a six minute, stand-up comedy routine
 on his second appearance on Conan on June 16th, 2014.
 Click 'HERE' to see this very funny, comedy routine.

Top
Subj:     Jonathan Winters "The Stick" (S886)
          From: afine963 on 1/3/2014 (d-iframe)
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/wwWDa1xPTPA

 On April 10,1964, Jonathan Winters appeared on The
 Jack Paar Show.  Jack handed Jonathan a stick and
 said "Do something with the stick."  Click 'HERE'
 to see the 'father of improvisational comedy' at
 his best.

Top
Subj:     Late Night Joke Archive (S283)
          From: newsmax.com on 7/5/02

Monday, July 1 (rerun)
Leno
 They showed [Robert] Blake on the news at the jail with his
 priest.  Then I realized, that's not his priest, that was
 his cellmate!

 Jesse Jackson was in a car accident this week.  No one was
 hurt, but the two women in the other car are now pregnant.

Letterman
 This show is like a Florida flight school - we'll let anyone in!

 I was just telling the crowd about this before I came out.
 All of a sudden it has gotten hot here.  It's like the middle
 of summer now.  It was so hot today that Catholic priests were
 defrocking themselves!

Friday Night June 28
Leno
 It was so hot today, out in Barstow the crystal meth labs
 were making more money selling Sno Cones.

 And in Burbank, I was sweating like God trying to sneak
 into a public school.

 Call me cynical, but my favorite part of this whole thing
 ... did you see those congressmen on the news yesterday?
 Out on the Capitol steps holding their hearts saying the
 Pledge of Allegiance right in front of TV cameras.  Man,
 those guys were grabbing their hearts harder than Dick
 Cheney after a couple cheeseburgers.

 President Bush scheduled to undergo a colonoscopy tomorrow.
 You never know where that Osama bin Laden might be hiding!

 I guess this is pretty easy for the anesthesiologist to
 put Bush under.  They're just going to slip him a pretzel.

 A retailer in Sweden is now launching a line of paper
 underwear.  Underwear made of paper.  They can't be washed
 but you can clean them with an eraser.

Top
Subj:     Smothers Brothers - 'I'm a Pilot'
          From: tom on 11/21/2013 (d-iframe)
 Source: youtube.com/embed/hEiU-8gx0hc (S885)

 This is a video clip from October 6, 2008 of the Smothers
 Brothers on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson.
 Click 'HERE' to see Smothers Brothers' very funny routine.

Top
Subj:     Jonathan Winters And Robin Williams
.............On The Johnny Carson's Show (S885)
          From: Johnny Carson Show (d-iframe)
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/_NqEKvk9F4I

 Jonathan Winters and Robin Williams appeared together on
 the Johnny Carson's show in one of the funniest moments.
 The episode first air on September 19,1991.  Click 'HERE'
 to see Jonathan and Robin feed on each others silliness.

Top
Subj:     Foster Brooks Tells A Funny Joke
          From: Richie Hodge on 10/10/13 (d-iframe)
 Source1: youtube.com/embed/Y9z3sh9ZTNs (S877)
 Source2: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foster_Brooks

 Foster Brooks (May 11, 1912 - December 20, 2001) was an
 American actor and comedian most famous for his portrayal
 of a lovable drunken man in nightclub performances and
 television programs.

 In this stand-up routine, Foster Brooks tells a funny joke
 about a preacher who rides a bicycle.  Foster acting drunk
 throughout the joke.  Click 'HERE' to hear Foster's funny joke.

Top
Subj:     Jerry Seinfeld Performs Stand-Up on Late
.............Night With Jimmy Fallon (S858d-iFrame)
          Published by Late Night w/Jimmy Fallon
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/HfYzlSNHapA

 Jerry Seinfeld performs jokes about cell phones, technology,
 and the U.S. Postal Service on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon.
 Click 'HERE' to see this great stand-up comedian.

Top
Subj:     Brad Zimmerman - My Son The Waiter
          From: sam.hutkins on 8/6/2013 (d-iframe)
 Source: youtube.com/embed/Q9oz3Mb81MY (S865)

 Brad Zimmerman performs his comedic one-person show about his
 lengthy, and I mean lengthy, struggle to be an actor in New
 York City.  Click 'HERE' to see this great one-person show.

Top
Subj:     The Jovers (S825d)
          From: tom on 11/1/2012
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrlKxJ7yQbo
 Source2: http://biggeekdad.com/2012/05/the-jovers/

 The Jovers were a husband and wife funny vaudeville-
 style act that is wonderfully entertaining as it's
 witty and Fe Jover's laugh is contagious.  In this
 clip they are performing live at the MGM in Reno in
 1980. Fe is now 83 and lives with her daughter as
 her husband passed away a short time ago.  Click
 'HERE' to enjoy the laughter of Fe.

Top
Subj:     Bill Cosby Discusses Drugs (S841d)
          From: YouTube.com on 2/20/2013
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/h7AAuf0xO58

 This is a Stand-up comedy performance by the well known
 artist Bill Cosby.  It's too hilarious.  Cosby talks
 about the behavior of people when they take drugs.

 Click 'HERE' to see these very funny stand-up routine.

Top
Subj:     Mary Maxwell Gives A Funny Invocation Prayer (S820d)
          Posted by: Mel's Video of the Day
          From: rfslick on 9/28/2012
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPFCn3itBFE
 Source2: http://www.coolestone.com/media/
..........4617/Funny-Prayer-About-Getting-Old/

 This funny prayer about getting old was given with the
 timing of a professional comedian.  This diminutive
 "little old lady" named Mary Maxwell shines a very
 funny light on the foibles of aging, to the delight
 of an audience filled with senior-care experts.  Click
 'HERE' to listen and see Mary Maxwell's invocation.

Top
Subj:     Jeff Dunham and Walter At
.............Spark Of Insanity (S820d)
          From: tom on 9/23/2012............Photo from YouTube.com

 Jeff Dunham and his friend Walter did part of the show
 'Spark Of Insanity', in Washington DC.  You can see
 Jeff's other friends Peanut, Achmed, and Superhero in
 the show by going to YouTube.com and choosing one at
 http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=jeff+dunham+
 spark+of+insanity?oq=jeff+dunham+spark+of+insanity?gs_l=
 youtube.1.0.0l10.241703.244453.0.248546.11.11.0.0.0.0.14
 1.1093.6j5.11.0...0.0...1ac.1.5Pn3cJ5iXTs
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Subj:     Spark Of Insanity Part 1
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/
.........embed/qcAq6fRADzI
Drawing from mmii.info
 Click 'HERE' to see Part 1 of this very funny routine.
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Subj:     Spark Of Insanity Part 2
 Source: (Removed from youtube.com)
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Drawing from Cheezburger.com
 Click 'HERE' to see Part 2 of this very funny routine.
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Subj:     Spark Of Insanity Part 3
 Source: (Removed from youtube.com)
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Drawing from TVRage.com
 Click 'HERE' to see Part 3 of this very funny routine.
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Top
Subj:     Father Guido Sarducci's Life Is A Job
          From: kgilmour2000 on 8/15/2012 (S814d)
 Source1: https://www.youtube.com/embed/e7ykYHwG5i4
 Source2: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Father_Guido_Sarducci

 Father Guido Sarducci is a fictional character made famous
 by American comedian Don Novello.  Sarducci is a chain-
 smoking priest with tinted eyeglasses.  He worked in the
 United States as a gossip columnist and rock critic for
 the Vatican newspaper L'Osservatore Romano.

 In this comedy routine performed in 1980, Father Guido
 Sarducci explains the meaning of life.  Life is a job,
 translates in Italian to Vita e un lavoro and in Latin
 to Vita est Officium.  Click 'HERE' to see this great,
 nostalgic, explanation of life.

Top
Subj:     'Joking Bad' With Jimmy Fallon (S871d)
          From: HuffingtonPost.com on 9/14/2013
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/duKL2dAJN6I

 Somehow, 'Late Night with Jimmy Fallon' still manages to
 surprise us with how far they're willing to go in the name
 of comedy.  This 13-minute 'Breaking Bad' parody, with
 Jimmy as Walter White and Steve Higgins as Jesse, is late
 night ambition at its finest.

 Click 'HERE' to see Jimmy tell the purest joke.  You will
 laugh your ass off.

Top
Subj:     Abbott Teaches Costello On Computers (S63, S747)
          From: RFSlick on 8/21/2005 and 8/15/2008
      and From: gattica30 on 5/9/2011

 (See 'Abbott And Costello 13 X 7 is 28' - Video in Math2)
  and 'Who's On First' in BASEBALL
  and 'Bush Does "Who's on first?"' in POLIT-BUSH)

 You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello,
 and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate
 this.

 If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous
 sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like
 this:

 COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

 ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

 COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm
           thinking about buying a computer.

 ABBOTT: Mac?

 COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

 ABBOTT: Your computer?

 COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

 ABBOTT: Mac?

 COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

 ABBOTT: What about Windows?

 COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

 ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

 COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

 ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

 COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

 ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

 COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to
          write proposals, track expenses and run my business.
           What do you have?

 ABBOTT: Office.

 COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

 ABBOTT: I just did.

 COSTELLO: You just did what?

 ABBOTT: Recommend something.

 COSTELLO: You recommended something?

 ABBOTT: Yes.

 COSTELLO: For my office?

 ABBOTT: Yes.

 COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

 ABBOTT: Office.

 COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

 ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

 COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's
          just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to
           type a proposal. What do I need?

 ABBOTT: Word.

 COSTELLO: What word?

 ABBOTT: Word in Office.

 COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

 ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

 COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

 ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

 COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start
          with some straight answers. OK, forget that.  Can I
           watch movies on the Internet?

 ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

 COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon.  What I watch is
           none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

 ABBOTT: Real One.

 COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2,
          3 and 4. Can I watch them?

 ABBOTT: Of course.

 COSTELLO: Great! With what?

 ABBOTT: Real One.

 COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie.
           What do I do?

 ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".

 COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

 ABBOTT: The blue "1".

 COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

 ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue " W" is Word.

 COSTELLO: What word?

 ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

 COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!

 ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

 COSTELLO: It is?

 ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words
         left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words
         out there.

 COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

 ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't
         even part of Office.

 COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial
           bookkeeping? You hav e anything I can track my
           money with?

 ABBOTT: Money.

 COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

 ABBOTT: Money.

 COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

 ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

 COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

 ABBOTT: Money.

 COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

 ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

 COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

 ABBOTT: One copy.

 COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

 ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

 COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

 ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

 (A few days later)

 ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

 COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

 ABBOTT: Click on "START".......


Subj:     Other Comedian Quotations
 

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                           -(o o)-
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.............................From virv on 6/30/12
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