>>>
Subj: Signs
and Names
(Includes 871 jokes on 37 web pages, 17 1109n,8,cL2f,wYT2a5b,37+3)
Click "Here" for Signs-Supp |
|
The Pizza Man
from
Fortisgraphix
|
Includes the following: A
Sign From Anonymous (S842 in Supp)
.........................A
Sign From Above - Video (S610b in Supp)
.........................Baby's
Name Based On Occupation (S507c in Supp)
.........................The
Story Of A Sign - Video (S611 in Supp)
.........................Finding
Your New Name (S406b, DU in Supp)
.........................Secret
To Happiness Sign (S859 in Supp)
.........................The
Signs Of Our Times (S243b in Supp)
.........................Weird
Restaurant Names (DU in Supp)
.........................
.........................Burma
Shave Road Signs (S438, S453b)
.........................Fun
With Names (S328b, DU)
.........................Laugh
So Hard - Sign (S910)
.........................Stupid
Product Signs (S154, DU)
.........................More
Stupid Product Labels (S243b, DU)
.........................Revolution
is Love - Graffiti Sign (S1048)
.........................Funny
Signs (S97, S667b)
.........................Do
You Remember These - Video (S525b)
.........................Actual
Business Signs (S57, S488c)
.........................Misc.
Signs:
.........................Push
and Pull Sign - T-Shirt (S1000)
.........................Actual
Signs:
.........................Foreign
Signs: (S192)
.........................Turn
Me Over Rock - Photo/Web Page (S1067)
.........................Other
Signs and Names:
..............................Finger
Message (S841 in Supp)
.............................
Church
Signs In England (S679b in Supp)
..............................Logos
Gone Terribly Wrong (S612c in Supp)
..............................Creative
Advertising (S541c in Supp)
..............................A
Very Stupid Sign (S593c in Supp)
..............................Obama
Political Cartoon (S575b in Supp)
..............................Casa
D'Ice Restaurant Signs (S568b in Supp)
..............................9
More Casa D'Ice Restaurant Signs (S573c in Supp)
..............................Old
Marijuana Sign (S548b in Supp)
..............................Learn
To Fly Sign (S528b in Supp)
..............................Outstanding
Logos And What's Behind Them (S518c in Supp)
..............................Oklahoma
Truck Supply Sign (S538 in Supp)
..............................Pacman
Sign And Quote (S559b in Supp)
..............................Tequila
and Salt (S572b in Supp)
..............................Nine
Cute Signs (S755 in Supp)
..............................My
Kind Of Place (S681b in Supp)
..............................
..............................Cute
Pan Handler Sign (S493)
..............................Five
Cute Signs (S451)
Also see ASIAN file - 'Japanese
Sex' Sign
BAR-SUPP - '20
Witty Restaurant/Bar Signs'
BATHROOM file- '11 Unique Restroom
Door Signs' - Web Page
......................-
'If
You Pee On The Seat' Sign
BATHROOM GRAF- (See
whole file)
BATHROOM-SUPP- 'How Can
A Man Who Can Hit A Deer At 250 Yards' Sign
BEARS file - 'Alaska
Bear Warning Sign'
BIRDS-SUPP - 'Chicken
And The Road Sign'
BOXING file - 'Sugar Ray
Robinson' - Photo/Sign
BREAST-SUPP - 'Tell Your
Boobs' - Sign
BUMPERSTICKRS- (see
whole file)
CARS2 file - 'Drunks
And Pot Heads Sign'
CARS3 file - 'Fork
In The Road' - Photo/Sign
CARS-SUPP - 'Stinker
Gas Station Sign'
CARS-SUPP3 - 'Snoopy
- Obey The Road Signs'
......................-
'Speed
Checked By Radar' - Sign
CHICKEN-SUPP - 'Uncle
Sam Expects You' - Poster
CHURCH file - 'Highway
Church Sign'
......................-
'Church
Signs'
CLINTON file - 'Hillary
Special'
CLINTON-HILRY- 'Hillary-Trump'
- Sign
CLOTHING file- 'T-Shirt
With Cute, Dirty Sign'
COLLEGE1 file- 'Masterbation
In Showers At Durham'
CONSTRUCTION - 'WD-40
And Duct Tape' - Sign
COW_SHEEP-SUP- 'Money
Can't Buy Happiness' - Sign
DIFFERENCES2 - 'What Men And
Women Want'
DOCTOR1 file - 'Two
Doctors Open Small Town Practice'
DOG2 file - 'Lord
Help Me - Sign'
ELDERLY3 file- 'Older
Than Dirt Quiz' - Sign
ENGINEER3 - 'Computer
Engineer Job Sign'
ENGLISH file - 'Washington Post
Neologism Contest' - Sign
......................-
'I
Before E' - Sign
ENGLISH-SUPP - 'America
Britain Competition' - Sign
FACTS5 file - 'Tuesday
Sign'
FAT file - 'Skinny
People' - Sign
FISHING1 file- 'No Fishing Sign'
- Video
FOOD_ETC - 'Eat
Bacon' - Sign
FOOD_ETC-SUP2- 'Coffee
Sign'
FOOD-PICS - 'Cooking
Sign'
GOD2 file - 'Give
Me A Sign Lord'
GOLF file - 'Arizona
Golf Course Sigh'
GOLF3 file - 'Golf Cource
Sign'
GOLF-SUPP - '15
Golf Signs'
HANDICAP-SUPP- 'We Todd
Ed'
HEADLINES/ADS- (see
whole file)
HEADLNS-SUPP2- '3D
Posters On Vending Machines'
HOOKER file - 'Doing
It On Brothel Roof'
......................-
'Whorehouse
Sign'
HOOKER2 file - 'Two
Prostitutes With Sigh On Car'
......................-
'Whorehouse
Sign - Poem'
HORSE file - 'Horse Riding
Sign' - Photo
HORSE-SUPP - 'I Love
This Post' - Photo
HOTEL file - 'Sign In
Hotels'
......................-
'A
Photon Checks Into A Hotel' - Sign
HUNTING-CAMP - 'Camping
Store Sign'
......................-
'Camping
Box Sign'
HUNTING-SUPP - 'Vegetarian
Is An Old Indian Word' - Sign
ILLUSIONS16 - 'Read These
Signs'
IRISH2 file - 'Irish
Philosophy Sign'
JOBS2 file - 'Unemployed
Man w/Sign'
JOB-STUFF-SUP- 'Christmas
Season Store Sign'
LIBRARY file - 'Stephen King Quote/Sign'
LIES file - 'The Biggest
Lie' - Sign
MAILMAN-ETC - 'US Postal'
MARRIAGE2 - 'Wife
Gets Blisters From Broom' - Sign
MARRIAGE3 - 'Marriage
Is Like A Deck Of Cards' - Sign
MARRIAGE6 - 'Marriage
Before And After'
MEN1 file - 'Father's
Day Pictures And Signs'
MEN2 file - 'Men
At Work Sign'
MENQUESTIONS - 'If A
Man Speaks' - Sign
......................-
'Men
Have Feelings Too' - Sign
MOTHERS file - 'Son Up
Till Son Down' - Sign
......................-
'It's
Your Mother Sign'
......................-
'20
Thinks I Never Said Before I Had Sons' - Sign
MOTHERS-SUPP -
'Nothing
Is Really Lost' - Sign
......................-
'I
Open My Mouth' - Sign
MUSIC2-SUPP2 - 'Stop
Sign' - Photo/Song
PENIS-SIGN - 'No
Masterbating Sign'
PLANE-SUPP - 'Will
Fly For Food Sign'
......................-
'Learn
To Fly Sign'
PHONE-SUPP - 'Religious
Traffic Sign!'
POLICE-SUPP - 'Old
Marijuana Sign'
POLITICAL1 - 'Sign
From Stalin Quote'
POLIT-BUSH - 'Smart
Bomb Sign'
POLIT-SUPP - 'Hunt
With Dick Cheney Sign'
POLIT-SUPP3 - 'Trump
Sandwich - Sign'
......................-
'Electing
A President - Sign'
POLIT-TRUMP - 'Don't
Blame Trump Sign'
PSYCH-SUPP - 'Psycho
The Rapist Sign'
......................-
'Clown
Badges'
......................-
'I
Lost - Sign'
QTS-COMED-SP2- 'W.C.Fields
Money Quote'
RUSSIAN file - '9 Soviet
Scientists Died' - Photo/Sign
SCHOOL2 file - 'Cute Bake
Sale Sign'
......................-
'Seatbelt
Sign'
SCHOOL3 file - 'Guns For Teachers'
- Sign
SCHOOL-SUPP3 - 'Student
Texting Sign'
SEX DRAWINGS - 'Eye Chart'
SEX2 file - 'Eye Chart'
SEX-SUPP - 'My
Sex Life Is Like A Ferrari...' - Sign
SHIT file - 'Political
Promises'
SHIT-SUPP - 'Home
Is Where...' - Sign
SLOGANS file - (see whole file)
SOUTHERN file- 'Things I learned
living In GA' - Sign
SWEDISH_ETC - 'Two
Scandinavian Pastors Post A Sign'
SWIMMING file- 'Skinny Dipping Sign'
THOUGHTS-LRN1- 'Voltaire
Quote'
THTS-LRN-SUP3- 'Henry Ford
Sign On What You Think'
THTS-SLY-SUPP- 'Politically
Correct Phrases'
THTS-WRM-SUPP- 'Take A
Smile - Photo'
TREES file - 'Advice
From A Tree' - Poster
......................-
'Man
Speaks In A Forest' - Sign
WAITER-SUPP - 'A
Little Boy's Order' - Sign
WOMEN-SUPP - 'Single
Women Sign'
WORD_Jokes1 - 'Knock-Knock
Sign'
......................-
'10
Paraprosdokians' Sign
.........WORD_Jokes2
- 'Word Puzzle' - Sign
YOU_ARE_FROM - 'I'm From
Kentucky' - Sign
YOU_ARE_FR-SU- 'Benicia
Girl' - Poster
============================================================Top
Subj:
Burma Shave Road Signs
..........(S438,
S453b,d)
in 2005 (644 signs in 35 files) |
 |
Those Grand Old Burma Shave Road
Signs
TRAINS DON'T WANDER
ALL OVER THE MAP
'CAUSE NOBODY SITS
IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP
Burma Shave
SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE
Burma Shave
For those who never saw any of the
Burma Shave signs, here is
|
a quick lesson in our
history of the
1930's and '40's. Before there
were
interstates, when everyone drove the
old 2 lane roads, Burma Shave
signs
would be posted all over the country-
side in farmers' fields. They
were
small red signs with white letters.
Five signs, about 100 feet apart,
each containing 1 line of a 4 line
couplet... and the obligatory
5th
sign advertising Burma Shave, a
popular shaving cream. |
My all time favorite set of signs
is:
PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW
Burma Shave
If you would like to read more
Burma Shave signs, click the
button below, to see 644 more
sets of signs.
.
.
.......................
.
.
Top
Subj: Fun
With Names (S328b, DU)
From: coreymac on 5/13/2003
1. IACOCCA (the former
Chrysler President/CEO)stands for
I
A m
C hairman
O f
C hrysler
C orporation
America
coincidence?..........
try these!
2. Bush (the American President)
Beat
U p
S addam
Hussein!
3. Clinton (remember him?)
Call
L ewinsky,
I
Need
T he
O ral
Now
However, no one can beat this
latest casualty in bad naming
Osama (WHO doesn't know him)
O h
S hit,
A merican
M issiles
A gain!
Top
Subj: Laugh
So Hard (S910)
From: Robin Simmons on Facebook
Source: www.etsy.com/listing/42776338/you-
.........made-me-laugh-so-hard-tears-ran-down
.
.
.
Top
Subj: Stupid
Product Signs (S154, DU)
From: RFSlick on 01/14/2000
In case you needed further proof
that the human race is
doomed through stupidity, here
are some actual label
instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I
have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase
necessary. Details
inside. (The shoplifter
special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular
soap.
(And that would be .. how??)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion!)
On a hotel provided shower cap
in a box:
Fits one head.
(!!!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:
(printed on the bottom of the
box) -- Do not turn
upside down. (Too late!
You lose!)
On Marks ? Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure??? Let's
experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more
time???)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate
machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce
the rate of construction
accidents if we just kept those
5 year olds off those
fork lifts!)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(Or pets! What's for dinner?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas
lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to outer space or
underground)
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other
use.
(Hmmmm, now I'm curious)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(No Comment)
On an American Airlines packet
of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat
nuts.
(What is going on here?)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain
with your hands or genitals.
(As if you try to stop *anything*
with your genitals
- clearly my favorite of the
list)
On a child's superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does
not enable you to fly.
(Way to destroy a universal
childhood fantasy!)
Top
Subj: More
Stupid Product Labels (S243b, DU)
..........From:
jokecenter.com on 9/29/01
1. On a blanket from Taiwan
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION
FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror
used by US cyclists
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR
ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4. On the bottle-top of a (UK)
flavoured milk drink
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
5. On a New Zealand insect spray
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON
ANIMALS.
6. In a US guide to setting
up a new computer
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING,
ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM
UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE
OPENING.
(Sensible, but the instruction
was INSIDE the box.)
7. On a Japanese product used
to relieve painful
haemorrhoids
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT
POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE
PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD
INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE
INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY
5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
8. In some countries, on the
bottom of Coke bottles
OPEN OTHER END.
9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR
FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
10. On some frozen dinners
SERVING SUGGESTION DEFROST.
Top
Subj: Revolution
is Love - Graffiti Sign (S1048)
From: Lewis Walden IV on Facebook on 2/4/2017
Source: www.twitter.com/elmansi/status/283736057642631168
.
...............
.
.
Top
Subj: Funny
Signs (S97, S667b)
From: smiles on 98-11-29
- On a Barry Jolly Plumbing
Van-Cincinnati area
"A flush
beats a full house!"
- This is what is on a sign
at a little restaurant.
"Eat here
or we'll both starve"
- I have a neighbor, a urologist,
with his license plate
"NOPCME" (no p c me)
- In a hospital car park in
Kitakyushu, Japan
"Anyone found parking
without a permit will be given an injection"
- Ohio Road Sign
Prosperity 30 mi ->
?- Clinton 70 mi
- Actually seen hanging in a
gas station several years ago:
Our Credit Advisor
is Mrs. Helen Waite.
If you want credit
from us, go to Helen Waite.
(If you don't get
it, repeat it slowly)
- Advertisement for a radiator
repair shop:
"Best place in town to
take a leak".
- In the key west internationl
airport's souvenier store
"unattended
children will be sold into slavery"
- In the bathroom of a mom and
pop store
"we
aim to please, so, please, you aim too."
- Sign on a retail store door
in Stevens Point, WI:
PUSH, if it doesn't
open,
PULL, if it still
doesn't open,
WE ARE CLOSED.
Top
|
|
Subj:
Do You Remember These (S525b,d-On Site)
From: darrell94590 on 2/5/2007 (in Elderly3)
..........Source:
(Removed oldfortyfives.com) |
This video is a wonderful trip
down memory lane. The
background music is excellent.
You can view it by
clicking 'HERE'.
The video features many Burma
Shave Highway ads.
Top
Subj: Actual
Business Signs (S57, S488c)
From: DR SWITZER on 98-03-05
and
From: darrell94590 on 5/24/2006
On an Electrician's truck: "Let
us remove your shorts."
In a Nonsmoking area: "If we
see you smoking we will assume
you are on fire
and take appropriate action."
On Maternity Room door: "Push,
Push, Push."
On a Front Door: "Everyone on
the premises is a vegetarian
except the dog."
At an Optometrist's Office: "If
you don't see what you're
looking for, you've
come to the right place."
On a Scientist's door: "Gone
Fission"
On a Taxidermist's window: "We
really know our stuff."
In a Podiatrist's window: "Time
wounds all heels."
On a Butcher's window: "Let me
meat your needs."
On another Butcher's window:
"Pleased to meat you."
At a Used Car Lot: "Second Hand
cars in first
crash condition."
On a fence: "Salesmen welcome.
Dog food is expensive."
At a Car Dealership: "The best
way to get back on your
feet - miss a car
payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment
necessary.
We'll hear you
coming."
Outside a Hotel: "Help! We need
inn-experienced people."
At an Auto Body Shop: "May we
have the next dents?"
In a Dry Cleaner's Emporium:
"Drop your pants here."
On a desk in a Reception Room:
"We shoot every
3rd salesman, and
the 2nd one just left."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes.
Sit! Stay!"
On a Music Teacher's door: "Out
Chopin."
At the Electric Company: "We
would be delighted if you
send in your bill.
However, if you don't, you will be."
In a Beauty Shop: "Dye now!"
On the side of a Garbage Truck:
"We've got what it takes
to take what you've
got."
On the door of a Computer Store:
"Out for a quick byte."
In a Restaurant window: "Don't
stand there and
be hungry, come
in and get fed up."
Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please
be quiet. We need
to hear a pin drop."
In a Cafeteria: "Shoes are required
to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat any
place they want."
On the door of a Music Library:
"Bach in a minuet."
In the front yard of a Funeral
Home: "Drive carefully,
we'll wait."
In a Counselor's office: "Growing
old is mandatory.
Growing wise is
optional."
From: gheckman on 7/22/00
On a Plumber's truck: We repair
what your husband fixed.
On another plumber's truck: Don't
sleep with a drip.
Call your plumber.
At a Pizza shop: "7 days
without a pizza makes one weak.
At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
Invite us to your next blowout.
At a towing company: We don't
charge an arm and a leg.
We want tows.
From: RFSlick on 2/3/2001
Door of a plastic surgeon's
office: "Hello.
Can we pick your
nose?"
From: darrell94590 on 5/24/2006
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
Dr. Jones, at your cervix.
On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
On another Septic Tank Truck:
We're #1 in the #2 business
At a Proctologist's door: To
expedite your visit
please back in.
At a Propane Filling Station:
Thank heaven for little grills.
Top
Subj: Misc.
Signs:
From: TNKRTEACH on 98-02-11
On a ski lift in Taos, NM:
'No jumping from the lift. Survivors
will be prosecuted.'
*******************
Official sign near door:
Door Alarmed.
Handprinted sign nearby:
Window frightened.
*******************
Guys: No shirt, No service
Girls: No shirt, No charge
*******************
Road sign seen on the island
of Cyprus
(translation of
the Greek):
'Caution: Road Slippery from
Grapejuice'
*******************
A sign advertising a Company
wide skiing race
Let's see who can go downhill
the fastest
*******************
Sign in King's Canyon in California.
'Slow Parking Ahead'
*******************
MORE OF AN AD THAN A SIGN, but...
A billboard seen next to the
highway, travelling from
Johannesburg International Airport
into town.
An Ad for BMW showing a photo
of a BMW 328i convertible
with the roof and all the windows
down.
The caption reads:' Our hardware
runs better without WINDOWS!!!'
*******************
Two signs found on top of one
another in a country
kitchen several years ago:
restrooms
-----
Please wait for hostess
to seat you.
*******************
Sign in front of church in Montpelier,
VT:
Bingo Friday night at 8:00pm
Quickies Thursday at 7:30pm.
*******************
Seen in a health food store_
"Shoplifters will be beaten
over the head
with an organic carrot"
*******************
"Children left unattended will
be towed at parents expense."
*******************
I went to a little hole in the
wall restaurant: the sign read:
Women are not served here...
You have to bring your own.
Top
Subj: Push
and Pull Sign - T-Shirt (S1000)
From: darrelldre on 3/8/2016
Source: www.ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/61bhTCfk4zL._SX522_.jpg
.
......
.
.
Top
Subj: Actual
Signs:
From: humorlist-digest V1 #259 on 97-11-25
1. At a Santa Fe gas station:
"We will sell gasoline
to anyone in a glass container."
2. In a New York restaurant:
"Customers who consider
our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."
3. On the wall of a Baltimore
estate: "Trespassers will
be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
-- Sisters of Mercy"
4. On a long-established New
Mexico dry cleaners:
"38 years on the same spot."
5. In a Los Angeles dance hall:
"Good clean dancing
every night but Sunday."
6. In a Florida maternity ward:
"No children allowed."
7. In a New York drugstore:
"We dispense with accuracy."
8. In the offices of a loan
company: "Ask about our
plans for owning your home."
9. In a New York medical building:
"Mental Health
Prevention Center"
10. On a New York convalescent
home: "For the sick
and tired of the Episcopal Church."
11. On a Maine shop: "Our
motto is to give our customers
the lowest possible prices and workmanship.."
12. At a number of military bases:
"Restricted to
unauthorized personnel."
13. On a display of "I love you
only" Valentine cards:
"Now available in multi-packs."
14. In the window of a Kentucky
appliance store: "Don't
kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the
dirty work."
15. In a funeral parlor:
"Ask about our layaway plan."
16. In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men
with 16 and 17 necks."
17. In a Tacoma, Washington men's
clothing store:
"15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"
18. On a shopping mall marquee:
"Archery Tournament
-- Ears pierced"
19. Outside a country shop:
"We buy junk and sell antiques."
20. In the window of an Oregon
store: "Why go elsewhere
and be cheated when you can come here?"
21. In a Maine restaurant:
"Open 7 days a week and weekends."
22. On a radiator repair garage:
"Best place to take a leak."
23. In the vestry of a New England
church: "Will the last
person to leave please see that the perpetual light
is extinguished."
24. In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
"Persons are prohibited
from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
25. On a roller coaster:
"Watch your head."
26. On the grounds of a public
school: "No trespassing
without permission."
27. On a Tennessee highway:
"When this sign is under
water, this road is impassable."
28. Similarly, in front of a
New Hampshire car wash:
"If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."
Top
Subj: Foreign
Signs: (S192)
From: Daemonic Funnies Page
(Also see 'Signs
In Hotels' in HOTELS)
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being
fixed for the next day.
During that time
we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your
values at the front desk.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening
of underwear with pleasure
is the job of the
chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited
to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In lobby of Moscow hotel across
from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome
to visit the cemetery where famous
Russian and Soviet
composers, artists, and writers
are buried daily
except Thursday.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers
here for best results.
In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire,
do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
In an advertisement by a Hong
Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted
by the latest Methodists.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist
agency:
Take one of our
horse-driven city tours
we guarantee no
miscarriages.
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:
To stop the drip,
turn cock to right.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket
office:
We take your bags
and send them in all directions.
Japanese information booklet
about using a hotel air conditioner:
If you want just
condition of warm in your room,
please control
yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental
firm in Tokyo:
When passenger
of foot heave in sight, tootle the
horn. Trumpet
him melodiously at first, but if
he still obstacles
your passage then tootle him
with vigor.
From: Ossama's Laugh on 12/31/97 (S192)
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to
steal hotel towels please. If
you are not a person
to do such a thing is please
not to read notis.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter lift
backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin,
push button for wishing floor.
If the cabin should
enter more persons, each one
should press a
number of wishing floor. Driving
is then going alphabetically
by national order.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected
to complain at the office
between the hours
of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In an Austrian hotel catering
to skiers:
Not to perambulate
the corriders during the
hours of repose
in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave
you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's
own make; limpid red beet soup
with cheesy dumplings
in the form of a finger;
roasted duck let
loose; beef rashers beaten up
in the country
people's fashion.
Outside a Hong Kong tailer shop:
Ladies may have
a fit upstairs.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street
walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers
suit. Because is big rush we
will execute customers
in strict rotation.
From the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a
Moscow Exhibition of Arts by
150,000 Soviet
Republic painters and sculptors.
These were executed
over the past two years.
A sign posted in Germany's Black
Forest:
It is strictly
forbidden on our black forest
camping site that
people of different gender,
for instance, men
and women, live together in
one tent unless
they are married with each
other for that
purpose.
In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the
impropriety of entertaining guests
of the opposite
gender in the bedroom, it is
suggested that
the lobby be used for this purpose.
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your
clothes here and spend the
afternoon having
a good time.
In a Czechoslovakin tourist agency:
Take one of our
horse-driven city tours - we
guarantee no miscarriages.
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today --
no ice cream.
On the door of a Moscow hotel
room:
If this is your
first visit to the USSR,
you are welcome
to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested
not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed
the animals. If you have any
suitable food,
give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women
and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has
personally passed all
the water served
here.
In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost
more than common, but you'll
find they are best
in the long run.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop
entrance:
- English well
speaking
- Here speeching
American.
From: KMACINTY on 9/29/00 (S192)
In a cemetery:
Persons are prohibited
from picking flowers are
prohibited from
picking flowers from any but
their own grave
On an Athi River highway:
Take notice: When
this sign is under water,
this road is impassable.
One of the Mathare buildings:
Mental Health Prevention
Centre.
A sign seen on an automatic restroom
hand dryer:
Do not activate
with wet hands.
In a Pumwani maternity ward:
No children allowed.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
Customers who find
our waitresses rude ought
to see the manager.
On the grounds of a Nairobi private
school:
No trespassing
without permission.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
Guests are requested
not to smoke or do other
disgusting behaviours
in bed.
In a Tokyo bar:
Special coctails
for the ladies with nuts.
In a Bankok temple:
It is forbidden
to enter a woman even a foreigner
if dressed as a
man.
Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai,
Thailand:
Please do not bring
solicitors into your room.
Hotel brochure, Italy:
This hotel is renowned
for its peace and solitude.
In fact, crowds
from all over the world flock here
to enjoy its solitude.
Supermarket, Hong Kong:
For your convenience,
we recommend courteous,
efficient self-service.
In an East African newspaper:
A new swimming
pool is repidly taking shape since
the contractors
have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
From a Russian book on Chess:
A lot of water
has been passed under the bridge
since this variation
has been played.
From: gheckman on 1/18/2002
Sign in Japanese public bath:
Foreigh guests
are requested not
to put cock in
tub.
An advertisement for a donkey
ride in Thailand:
Would you like
to ride on your own ass?
From: gordonschuk on 3/15/2007
The box of a clockwork toy made
in Hong Kong:
Guaranteed to work
throughout its useful life.
Top
Subj: Turn
Me Over Rock (S1067)
From: Sam Hutkins on 6/24/2017
Source: www.thechroniccrafter.com/blog/painting-rocks
.
.......
.
............Click
'HERE'
to see the other side.
.
.
Subj: Other
Signs and Names:
From: grs on 97-12-04
Top
|
|
Subj:
Cute Pan Handler Sign (S493)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/5/2006
..........Source:
(Removed from lablaughs.com) |
You can view this cute pan handler's
sign by
clicking
'HERE'.
Top
Subj:
Five Cute Signs
From: Anon Jr.
.........in
2005 (S451) |
 |
To view these five cute signs click
'HERE'.
.
.
Sign in a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR
CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES
OUT
Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE
STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE
BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS
WILL BE TAKEN
Outside a farm:
HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED
BAG 20p DO-IT YOURSELF
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD
EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND
UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING
BOARD
On a church door:
THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN.
ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR.
(THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE
OF THE DRAFT.
PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
English sign in a German cafe:
MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS
BEFORE EATING
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES,
WASHING MACHINES ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG
AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Sign outside a new town hall
which was to be
opened by the Prince of Wales:
THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL
OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED
AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.
Outside a photographer's studio:
OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY
FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
Seen at the side of a Sussex
road:
SLOW CATTLE CROSSING.
NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.
Outside a disco:
SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE
DISCO IN TOWN EVERYONE WELCOME
Sign warning of quicksand:
QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON
PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED.
BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.
Notice sent to residents of a
Whiltshire parish:
DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH
LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE
MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES
BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO
THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER
Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS
HERE FOR
MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED
OF.
Sign on motorway garage:
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR
PETROL PUMPS.
YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH
BUT OUR PETROL IS
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR
CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN
AND DOESN'T
KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY
CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO
CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE,
BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET
WILL TELL
YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
Sign on a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE
KNOCK HARD ON
THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T
WORK)
Sign at Norfolk farm gate:
BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH
TRESPASSER
AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT
Spotted in a toilet in a London
office block:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE
USE FLOOR BELOW
From: joke-of-the-day.com on 5/15/2003
(S328b)
Never be afraid to tell the
world who you are.
-- Anonymous
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
.
............................ From
GIFs
Rubrik:Neon Smiley
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