Subj: Nerd Test 1a
(Includes 1 jokes and articles, 07 1039n,0,cf,wX_4,0)
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Subj: Nerdity Test, Vers. 5.x.cubed.minus.3.x.all.divided.by.2
From Joker's Wild assembple on 5 December, 1993
Hello, and welcome to the nerdity
test. This test is designed
to help you determine your nerdity quotient. In the past,
someone may have watched you, or listened to something you
said and then exclaimed, "You geek! What do you think you
are doing?" Or maybe it's just us. In any event, we here
at the nerdity testing lab were prompted to ask "just what
is a nerd?" In response, we came up with this test. By
taking it, you will determine your current nerdity quotient
(from 0% to 100%), with 100% roughly corresponding to a pile
of sludge unable to communicate with anything human except
through a device that is a miracle of modern medicine and
engineering, and whose only connection to the outside world
is through the computer Internet system.
As this test is being distributed
primarily in places of
high concentrations of known nerds, and nerds in turn tend
to have nerd friends, that someone who has never heard of
or seen the nerdity test is assumed to be 0% nerd. However,
once such knowledge comes to them, they are immediately
placed in the 100% nerdity category. This is done because
it is also assumed that only a true geek would utter some-
thing to the effect of: "Nerdity test?!? What a stupid
concept! I'm too cool to take something as dumb as that."
The values in between are determined by taking the test
and scoring it as follows.
For each question below for which
you can answer "yes" or
"true", take one point. At the end of the test, divide
the total number of points you scored by the total number
of questions in the test. Treat this number as a percentage
that represents your nerdity quotient.
Some of the questions will have
parentheticals at the end
of them. What is contained within the parentheticals is a
short list of examples relating to the given question. The
list is not to be taken as all inclusive but merely as
suggestions that might apply.
All technicalities count, after
all, being technical is
half of what being a nerd is all about.
Recommendations And Hints:
It is felt that for maximum enjoyment,
you should respond
out loud with your answers. You should treat each "yes"
that you say as a personal catharsis of what you are doing
wrong (or right depending on your opinion of nerdity) and
each "no" may then be disputed by your peers. In this way,
errors due to lying or personal oversight are avoided and
the test also has a therapeutic effect for the closet nerd.
As an aside, information gleaned about others should be
treated confidentially. Each of us has a dork-side that
we don't want others to know about.
Experiment shows that nerdity
CAN be cured! With effort
and personal sacrifice... The nerdity quotient is a cross
between proclivity toward as well as actual current status
in nerddom. Some questions are "have you ever..." while
others are "do you now...". The former register the fact
that you have a propensity toward nerdity, while the later
acknowledge the fact that you are currently geeking.
Obviously, as your answers toward the "do you now" type
questiohs change, so will your nerd quotient.
Please use only a number two
pencil. Mark all answers in
your blue book. Shake well before using. Lather. Rinse.
Repeat as desired. Show all work. Refrigerate after
opening. No partial credit will be given. A table of
useful formulas is included at the end. You may begin....
Section 1: Education and Schooling
1. Have you ever taken a "higher" math course? (Trig,
<`ont face="Courier New,Courier"> Calculuq)
2. ...at the college level?
3. ...and received an A (3.7 grade point)?
4. Are you still capable of doing what you learned in
the course of #1?
5. Have you ever taken a science course? (Biology,
6. ...at the college level?
7. ...and received an A (3.7 grade point)?
8. Are you still capable of doing what you learned in
the course of #5?
9. Have you ever majored in the "hard sciences"?
(engineering, physics chemistry, etc. but excluding
psychology, economics, etc.)
10. Have you ever taken Latin?
11. Have you ever asked a question in lecture?
12. Have you ever answered a question asked in lecture?
13. Have you ever corrected a professor in lecture?
14. Have you ever answered a rhetorical question?
15. Have you ever given a lecture?
16. Do you sit in the front row more than 20% of the time?
17. Have you ever had a "perfect attendance record"?
18. Have you ever verified an equation in a science text
on your own? (i.e. experimental proof)
19. Have you ever derived an equation you found
in a science text?
20. ...when you didn't have to?
21. ...using other principles? (starting from a different
equation than the text did)
22. Do you take notes in more than one color?
23. Do you use other props when taking notes? (ruler,
24. Have you ever tutored someone else?
25. Have you ever done homework on a Friday night?
26. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter?
27. Have you taken any classes pass/fail just to preserve
28. Have you ever known more about the subject material
than the lecturer?
29. ...but continued in the class because you
"needed the grade?"
30. ...and had the lecturer admit this fact to you?
31. Have you ever had an argument with a professor?
32. Did you win?
33. Has a lecturer ever referred someone to you as being
34. Did you apply to any college merely for the sake of
"seeing if I would get in"?
35. Was your SAT math more than 300 above your verbal?
36. Did you score higher than 1200 combined on the SAT?
Section 2: Knowledge
37. Can you count in binary?
(up to decimal 10)
38. Can you count in hexadecimal? (up to decimal 20)
39. Can you count in Roman numerals?
40. Do you know Maxwell's equations? (integral or
41. Do you know Schroedinger's Equation?
42. Have you ever solved Schroedinger's Equation?
43. ...for fun?
44. Do you know the difference between a scalar
and a vector?
45. Do you know the difference between a vector
and a tensor?
46. Do you know the right-hand-rule for cross-products?
47. Do you know the Latin name (genus and species) for
anything? (fruit fly, human being)
48. Can you understand the owner's manual for electronic
49. Can you understand the electronic schematic
for electronic equipment?
50. Do you know what a "reverse polish notation"
51. Can you name the first nine elements of the periodic
table in order?
52. Can you translate more than half the chemical symbols
into the name of the element they represent?
53. Do you know the wavelengths in the visible spectrum?
54. Are you bilingual?
55. ...and not an immigrant or child of an immigrant?
56. Can you briefly outline the biological process that
occur due to alcohol when it is consumed by a human?
57. ...while drunk?
58. Do you know how your car's engine works?
59. Have you ever interpolated?
60. Have you ever extrapolated?
61. Do you know the difference between interpolation
62. Have you ever integrated numerically?
63. ...and known the result ahead of time?
64. ...and complained about how slow the computer was?
65. Have you ever seen or utilized the spherical harmonic
66. ...and found them aesthetically pleasing?
67. Do you know most of the words to "The Lumberjack Song"
by Monty Python?
68. Do you own an encyclopedia?
69. Have you ever read an encyclopedia entry that you
70. Have you ever wanted to know something for
no apparent reason?
71. Have you ever been laughed at for wanting
to know something?
72. Can you program the time on a VCR?
73. Has anyone ever asked you to program their VCR time
74. Have you ever used the word "asymptotic"?
75. Have you ever referred to something as an L.E.D.?
76. Have you ever referred to a ruler as a "straight-edge"?
77. Have you ever said "quartz crystal"?
78. Have you ever called something a "print out" or "hard copy"?
79. Have you ever referred to a curve/object as hyperbolic,
80. Do you feel your vocabulary is larger than most people's?
81. Is your IQ greater than your weight?
Answer YES if you know what the
following acronyms stand for.
Note: it may be useful to actually state out loud what you
think the acronym stands for as your interpretation may be
wrong or not the nerdy one being sought after.
83. MODEM? 84. RAM? 85. DNA?
87. NADP? 88. CRT? 89. CRC? 90. STP? 91. NORAD?
92. NASA? 93. MUD? 94. LED? 95. AI? 96. LASER?
97. RPG? 98. TLA? 99. SCUBA?
100. WYSIWYG? 101. DAT? 102. PINE? 103. JOVE?
104. Did you not know one of the above,
but took a wild guess
at in anyway?
105. Have you ever created an acronym in order to simplify
The next few questions deal with
physical constants. Mark
yes for any that you can give the value (2 or more significant
digits) for. Knowledge of the units attached is NOT necessary,
just the numeric portion.
106. gravitational constant? (G)
107. earth's gravity near the surface? (g)
108. mass of an electron?
109. charge of an electron?
110. speed of light in vacuum?
111. speed of sound at STP?
112. Planck's constant? (h or h-bar)
113. permittivity of free space? (epsilon naught)
114. permeability of free space? (mu naught)
115. Avogadro's number?
116. molar gas constant?
117. pi? (exception: must know more than 3 digits)
118. Mark this true if you are presently the person knowing
the most digits of pi in the room.
119. e? (exception: must know more than 3 digits)
Can you give the conversion factor
(2 or more sig. digits)
120. ...centimeters and inches?
121. ...kilometers and miles?
122. ...joules and electron-volts?
123. ...atomic mass units and kilograms?
124. ...Celsius and Kelvin?
125. ...Celsius and Fahrenheit?
126. ...meters and Astronomical Units (AU)?
127. ...AU and light years?
128. ...light years and parsecs?
129. If, while answering any question in this section, you
said someone else's answer was wrong and were right,
mark this question true.
(e.g. "you nob! Pi isn't 3.1425. It's 3.1415!")
130. If while answering any question in this section, you
checked a reference book to find out the correct answer,
mark this question true. (e.g. "AARRGGH! What's that
last R in radar stand for?")
Section 3: Computers
131. Have you ever used a computer?
132. ...for more than 4 hours continuously?
133. ...for more than 8 hours continuously?
134. ...past 4 a.m.?
135. ...as a source of income?
136. ...on Friday, Saturday and Sunday of the same weekend?
137. ...with someone you were physically attracted toward?
138. ...for money?
139. ...in the last 24 hours?
140. ...in the last half hour?
141. ...as a source of entertainment? (computer game)
142. ...in the last three months?
143. ...in the last three weeks?
144. Have you ever programmed a computer?
145. ...to write a computer game?
146. ...to write a computer virus?
147. ...to write a shell script?
148. Do you still own any computer with less than 512k of RAM?
(e.g. Commodore 64, Apple II +/e/c, TRS 80, ad infinitum)
149. ...that is still in working condition?
150. ...and still buy software for it?
151. Do you own more than one computer with at least a
megabyte of RAM?
152. Do you own any computer which would be classified as
a work station?
153. Have you ever taken your computer on vacation with you?
154. Have you ever lost sleep over a computer game?
Have you ever used a ...
156. hard disk drive? 157. light-pen?
158. modem? 159. Devorak keyboard? (as opposed to QWERTY)
160. track-ball? 161. ...for something other than a video game?
162. computer with a touch sensitive monitor?
163. Have you ever seen a magnetic
164. Have you ever mounted a magnetic tape reel?
165. Have you ever seen a computer punch card?
166. Have you ever programmed using punch cards?
167. Are you still capable of programming with punch cards?
168. Do you have any "pirated" software? (i.e. second-hand
169. Do you have any "public-domain" software?
170. Do you have any "shareware"? (i.e. software author
requests a fee be sent to them for its use)
171. Do you currently own a modem capable of 14.4kbs
172. Do you still own any modem whose top speed is 300
baud or less?
173. Have you ever telnet'ed from one computer system
174. ...to gain access to a system you had no authorization on?
175. ...to call a government computer? (NASA, FBI, NORAD, etc.)
176. ...to call a research institution? (CERN, JPL, etc.)
177. ...where the other machine was outside of your
178. Do you have an electronic mail address?
179. ...more than one e-mail address?
180. Have you ever sent e-mail?
181. ...to yourself?
182. ...to someone who was in the same room as you at the time?
183. ...with a .sig file appended to the end of it?
184. ...in the last week?
185. Have you ever set up and run a mailing list for e-mail?
186. Do you receive more e-mail than you send?
187. Have you ever FTP'd?
189. Have you ever uploaded?
190. Have you ever downloaded?
191. Have you ever multi-tasked? (ran 2+ applications
192. Have you ever set up a kill file?
193. ...that does more than simply 'kill'?
194. Do you have a .plan or similar file for when people
195. Have you set up a login.com or similar file for
auto-execution on logging unto a computer system?
196. Do you use alias/batch commands to standardize your OS?
(e.g. alias dir ls)
197. Have you ever read the postings on USENET?
198. ...in the last week?
199. Have you posted to USENET?
200. ...and gotten a response?
201. ...from someone you knew outside of the net?
202. ...and gotten a "flame"?
Have you ever posted to...
203. a science fiction news group?
204. a sex news group? (alt.sex)
207. a sci. or science-related news group?
208. Have you ever written a FAQ for
a USENET news group?
209. Have you ever run a vote for a USENET news group?
210. Have you ever moderated a USENET news group?
211. Have you played any MUD's, MUSH's or other multi-user games?
212. ...in the last week?
214. Do you consistently play more than one MUD, MUSH, etc.?
215. Are you a "wizard/implementor/immortal" on any MUD's,
216. Do you have GIF files as wallpaper?
217. Is part of your desk space devoted to your computer?
218. Have you ever built a computer?
219. ...from chips?
220. Do you have a favorite computer language?
221. ...that you've had to defend in verbal debate?
Which of the following computer languages do you know...
223. PASCAL? 224. FORTRAN?
225. assembly language? 226. C?
227. Have you ever forgotten a person's
name but not
their e-mail address?
228. Do you know more computer addresses than street addresses?
229. Do you tend to remember the IP numbers instead of the
alpha address for computer sites? (220.127.116.11 vs.
230. Do you find that you type more often than you write longhand?
231. Have you ever forgotten how to write longhand?
232. Have you ever used computer symbology elsewhere?
(goto, *, etc.)
233. Have you ever spoken Internet-ese? (btw, imho, :),
234. Have you ever blown off doing something you were
supposed to do in order to work on the computer?
235. Have you ever felt jealous of someone merely because
they owned a better computer system than you?
Section 4: Possessions
236. Do you frequently find yourself
with more plugs
237. Do you currently own a can of WD-40?
238. Do you currently own a can of compressed air?
239. Do you have a personal copy of any version of
the nerdity test?
240. ...in space allocated to you on a computer system?
241. Have you ever owned a light saber (Star Wars)?
242. ...that wasn't made of plastic?
243. Do you own an 8-track tape player or any 8-track tapes?
244. Do you own an almanac? (World, Farmer's)
245. Do you own an atlas?
246. Do you own a globe?
247. ...and have it on display? (on a desk, bookshelf...)
248. ...that has bumps corresponding to mountain ranges?
249. ...that lights up?
250. Do you own any "maps of the ancient world"?
251. ...and have them on display?
252. Do you have any "mathematical" artwork?
253. Have you ever faxed something?
254. Have you ever received a Fax?
255. Do you own a cellular phone? (car phone)
256. Do you own a non-standard calculator? (scientific,
257. Do you own a "reverse polish notation" calculator?
258. Do you own a slide rule?
259. ...and know how to use it?
260. Other than a thermometer, do you own any meteorological
261. Do you own any orienteering equipment? (compass,
262. Do you own a pencil case?
263. Do you own any mechanical pencil?
264. ...and have refills for it?
265. Do you own an electric pencil sharpener?
266. Do you own a laboratory notebook?
267. Do you own any graph paper? (quad-ruled)
268. Do you own any log or semi-log paper?
269. Do you own a table of integrals?
270. Have you ever stolen scientific (radiation, biohazard)
warnings for personal use?
Section 5: Leisure Time
271. Have you ever taken something
272. ...and put it back together correctly?
273. ...without worrying about voiding the warranty?
274. Do friends and/or family ask you to fix things?
275. Do friends and/or family ask to borrow your tools?
276. ...because you are the only person they know who
OWNS that tool?
277. Have you ever put something together without
reference to the assembly instructions?
278. Have you ever bought something primarily for the
pleasure of taking it apart to "see how it works"?
279. Have you ever rewired something?
280. Have you ever played a non-sexual role-playing game? (D?D)
281. ...since leaving high school?
282. Have you ever been to a RPG convention? (GenCON, etc.)
283. ...in the last six months?
284. Have you ever taken a "self help" test?
285. Do you derive perverse pleasure from self-help tests?
286. Do you ever lord your scores on such tests over people
287. Have you ever dissected something?
288. ...while not involved in a biology class?
289. Do you play chess?
290. Were you ever on a chess team?
291. ...on a math team?
292. ...on a debate team?
293. ...on a "trivia" team? (college bowl, JEOPARDY)
294. ...the captain for any of the teams listed above?
295. ...the coach for any of the teams listed above?
296. Did you ever join one of the above teams for the
purpose of picking up members of the opposite sex?
297. Were you ever in a science fair?
298. ...that you placed in the top three?
299. Are you a member of Mensa?
300. Have you ever made a technical joke?
301. ...in the last week?
302. ...that no one around you understood?
303. ...and you found yourself trying to explain it?
304. ...that everyone around you understood?
305. ...but their reason for laughing was not yours?
(See 'TestNerd Part1b' for the second half of the test.)