Subj: Nerd Test 1b
(Includes 2 jokes and articles, 11 1086n,1,cL2f,wXT4a6a,0)
Badger's Animated GIF Gallery
Subj: Funny Students Nerd Test (DU)
From: Funny Students
Subj: Nerdity Test, Vers. 5.x.cubed.minus.3.x.all.divided.by.2
From Joker's Wild assembple on 5 December, 1993
(see 'Neredity Test Part 1a' for first half of test)
Section 6: Leisure Time - Nerd Toys
306. Have you ever bought something
from Radio Shack?
307. Do you know what an oscilloscope does?
308. Have you ever used an oscilloscope?
309. Do you own an oscilloscope?
310. Have you ever used a microscope?
311. Do you own a microscope?
312. Have you ever used a telescope?
313. ...not for peering through someone's bedroom window?
314. Do you own a voltmeter?
315. Do you own any remote controlled vehicles?
316. Do you own a CB radio?
317. Have you ever had an amateur radio license?
318. Do you still have an amateur radio license?
319. Have you ever had an extra-class amateur radio license?
320. Have you ever used a chemistry set?
321. ...since the age of 13?
322. Have you ever used a rare earth element?
323. Do you own a slinky?
324. Does a slinky make you think about oscillations?
325. Do you own a Rubik's cube?
326. Are you able to solve Rubik's Cube?
327. ...without using the book?
328. ...in less than two minutes?
329. Have you ever tried to calculate the number of possible
permutations a Rubik's Cube can have?
Section 7: Leisure Time - TV and Movies
330. Do you watch more than 4 hours
of TV on any given day
of the week?
331. Can you name more than 5 shows on PBS? (inc.:A?E,
332. Have you ever watched a PBS documentary?
334. ...in the last three weeks?
335. Have you ever watched C-Span for more than 5 minutes?
Have you ever watched a complete episode of...
336. Dr. Who?
337. Battlestar Galactica?
338. Space: 1999?
339. Starblazers? (cartoon about the WWII carrier flying
Can you whistle, hum, sing or snap the theme songs to...
340. ...Gilligan's Island?
342. ...The Brady Bunch? 343. ...The Jetson's?
344. ...The Addam's Family? 344. ...Dobbie Gillis?
346. ...I Dream of Genie?
347. Have you ever seen any of the
"Revenge of The Nerd"
movies more than once?
348. Have you seen all of the Star Wars movies?
349. ...in one 24 hour period?
350. Have you ever watched something and stated "that's
physically impossible" (due to Newton's laws, etc.)?
Section 8: Leisure Time - Books and Magazines
Have you ever read anything by...
351. ...Arthur C. Clarke?
352. ...Douglas Adams?
353. ...Isaac Asimov? 354. ...Robert H. Heinlein?
355. ...Piers Anthony? 356. ...J.R.R. Tolkein?
357. ...Stephen Hawkings? 359. ...Carl Sagan?
360. ...Richard Feynman? (e.g. his lectures, etc.)
361. ...TSR Hobbies? (i.e. a novel published by the D?D people)
361. Have you ever read -Cultural-Literacy-
or any other
book on "what you, as an intelligent person, should know"?
362. Have you ever read -Innumeracy- or any other book about
mathematics made popular?
363. Do you read books on a daily basis?
364. Have you finished a book in the last week?
365. Have you finished more than one book in the last week?
366. Have you ever bought a book of crossword puzzles/
367. Do you read archaic computer manuals for pleasure?
Do you have magazine subscriptions to...
368. ...Popular Mechanics?
369. ...Popular Science?
370. ...Omni? 371. ...Scientific America?
372. ...National Geographic? 373. ...Discover?
374. ...any computer oriented magazine? (MacWorld,
375. ...Computer Gaming World or other "video game" magazine?
376. ...any medical journals? (New England Journal
377. ...any science periodicals?
378. ...any comic book or "graphic novel"?
(X-Men, Superman, Heavy Metal)
Section 9: Star Trek
379. Can you name or discuss the plots
of more than 10 Star
380. Have you seen all of the Star Trek films?
381. ...in one 48 hour period?
382. Do you refer to the various "Treks" as "TOS" (The
Original Series), "TNG" (The Next Generation) and
"DS9" (Deep Space 9) or similar?
383. Have you ever argued with someone over which
"Trek" is better?
384. Have you ever argued over who was a better commander
of the Enterprise?
385. Have you ever felt the urge to learn the Klingon
386. Have you ever been to a trek convention?
387. ...in the last six months?
388. Have you ever owned a pair of Spock ears (Star Trek)?
389. ...and worn them in public?
Section 10: Clothing and Apparel
390. Are your socks unmatched?
391. Do you own a digital watch?
392. ...that plays music?
393. ...that's currently set to chime on the hour?
394. ...that has a calculator built in?
395. Do you own a pocket protector?
396. ...and are you wearing it?
397. Do you have acne?
398. Do you have greasy hair?
399. ...without realizing it?
400. Do you own any clothing with scientific knowledge printed
on it? (e.g. t-shirts with Maxwell's equations)
401. ...which you still wear from time to time?
402. Have you ever worn a radiation film badge?
403. ...while not in the laboratory?
404. ...and described what it was to someone,
who then backed away in fear?
405. Are your pants too short?
406. Does your underwear have your name in it?
407. Is your outfit uncoordinated? (have someone else
408. Have you ever worn a button-down shirt and left the
tails hanging out?
409. Have you ever bought similar looking shirts/pants in
order to save time when dressing because "everything
410. Do you wear glasses?
411. ...held together by adhesives? (tape, glue, boogers)
412. Is your vision worse than 20/40? (in either eye)
413. Is your vision worse than 20/80? (in either eye)
414. Are you legally blind? (in either eye)
(strange, I don't recall writing a Braille edition...)
Section 11: Personality and Lifestyle
415. Have you ever slept an inverted
day? (sleep at dawn,
wake at dusk)
416. ...for more than one day in a row?
417. Have you ever slept round the clock? (24 continuous
hours in bed)
Which of the following have you used to prevent sleep...
418. Caffeine? 419.
exercise? 420. Vivarin? 421. NoDoz?
422. something you made in chem. lab?
423. something you found in chem. lab?
424. Have you worked for an engineering
or manufacturing firm?
425. ...in the last 3 months?
426. ...and gotten credit at a school for doing so?
427. Have you worked in a research lab?
428. ...and been more interested in the work than the pay?
429. Have you ever visited a power plant? (Hoover Dam, nuclear
430. ...and not been bored?
431. Are you socially inept?
432. Was the last naked person you saw a hi-res computer scan?
433. Do you talk to yourself?
434. ...when other people are around?
435. Do you talk to imaginary people?
436. ...do they talk back?
437. ...do they seem to be more/less intelligent than you?
438. Do you have a tough time remembering people's names?
439. ...but no trouble with their numeric data? (phone#, SS#)
440. Have you ever played mathematical games with other
numbers you see to pass the time? (square/cube root,
prime factors of phone#)
441. Do you see everyday situations as representing
442. Do you look at quantitative factors when participating
in social events? (ex: choosing drinks by % alcohol
rather than taste)
443. Mark this true if you did NOT go to your senior prom.
444. Did you go stag to your Senior Prom?
445. Have you ever found a grammatical error in a published
446. Have you ever quoted a piece of literature from memory?
447. Have you ever eaten pizza cold?
448. ...do you like it that way?
449. ...because you're too lazy to reheat it?
450. Have you ever gotten pizza delivered to the lab/office/
451. Is any leftover delivery food currently residing in your
452. ...that's been there so long, you can't remember
453. ...that's been there so long, it's become mobile/
454. Is any food in your refrigerator moldy?
455. Have you ever commented on the lack of intellectual
ability found in a "Jeopardy" contestant?
456. Have you ever contemplated the meaning of life/existence
457. ...while not drunk?
458. ...while alone?
459. Have you ever thought about extra dimensions/parallel
460. ...and discussed their possibilities with others?
461. Have you come to any conclusions about UFO's/life on
462. ...and used Time-Life's "Mysteries of the Unknown"
series as a factual reference to support your claim?
463. Have you ever commented: "If I drive fast enough at
the red light, it'll appear green."
464. Have you ever found yourself discussing one of the
popular scientific theories of the day with someone
you just met? (cold fusion)
465. ...did they bring it up because they thought you
incapable of talking about non-technical topics?
466. Have you ever taken part in an experiment to prove/
disprove one of the popular scientific theories of the
day? (cold fusion, big bang)
467. Have you ever thought about reviving the dead?
468. ...for sexual purposes?
469. ...and had some degree of success?
470. ...but been laughed at by a leading medical institution?
471. Have you ever given an inanimate object a name?
(inc.: stuffed animal)
472. Was the object something electronic or mechanical?
473. Did the object also have a "personality"?
474. Have you ever compared and contrasted two scientists?
(Einstein vs. Newton, etc.)
475. Have you ever argued with someone else over which of
two scientists was better?
476. Have you ever argued with someone over which of two
computer types/OS's is better? (Macintosh vs. IBM,
UNIX vs. VMS)
477. Have you ever laughed out loud at a joke written in
a serious scientific paper? (Feynman's lectures,
478. Has anyone ever called you a geek/nerd?
479. ...in the last two weeks?
480. ...for doing/saying something you knew to be geeky?
481. Have you ever intentionally done something that you
482. ...in the last month?
Section 12: The Nerd Test
484. Are you taking this test alone?
485. Are you currently reading this test on
a computer screen?
486. Are you planning to double-check your answers
to this test?
487. Do you feel the need (or are you currently using) a
calculator to score the test?
488. Are you computing your score in scientific notation?
489. Have you contemplated writing a computer program that
would ask and/or tabulate questions found on this test?
490. Are you currently scoring this test in reverse?
(i.e. Assuming 100% nerd and deducting for each 'no'?)
491. Have you come across copies of this test from two
492. If you are still reading this test, do you really need
a test score to prove you are a nerd?
493. Is your nerdity test score higher than your purity
494. Did you feel offended by any of the questions
on this test?
495. Did you resort to lying in order to raise your score?
496. Did you resort to lying in order to lower your score?
497. Are you currently competing with someone else for the
highest score on this test (or were contemplating it)?
498. ...did you come up second best and challenge them
to a rematch?
499. Have you asked for a technical clarification of anything
on this test?
500. Have you ever thought of a question that belongs on
this test? Please send it to: email@example.com
Please put your pencils down. That's it, hope you enjoyed.
To analyze your Nerdity Quotient,
divide your total number
of "yes/true" responses by the total number of questions
and compare to this list.
0 - 20 Nerd-wannabe
21 - 30 Nerd-in-Training
31 - 35 Closet nerd
36 - 40 You dress like people in Wal-Mart ads
41 - 45 You refuse to live anywhere without pizza
46 - 50 Your social life needs some serious help
51 - 55 YOU need some serious help
56 - 60 You are on first name basis with Radio Shack
61 - 65 Your best friend is a microchip
66 - 70 Bill Gates and E. Gary Gygax are your heroes
71 - 75 You own more surge protectors than cooking utensils
76 - 80 "Revenge of the Nerds" poster-child
81 - 85 Hoping to invent Warp Field Theory or
86 - 90 Desperately seeking cybernetic interface implanted
in your brain
91 - 99 Move over, Einstein
100 Hail, O Nerd Master, virgin sliderulers I
sacrifice unto you
This version compiled by yours
truly: J. Bennett, Cornell U.,
Ithaca, NY. Any questions or comments? Drop me a line at
Credits- (a.k.a. The "you-think-I'm-gonna-take-all-the-blame"
department) A special big thanks to the following (in no
Matt Warren :firstname.lastname@example.org
watching of "Revenge of the Nerds", underwear with name
in it as well as the question on Jeopardy contestants
Rebecca Crowley :email@example.com for pointing out
that a nerd not only HAS arguments with his/her professor,
but WINS them too!
Laura Sachi :firstname.lastname@example.org for pointing
out the nerd tendency to simplify the situation, and
merely count the questions on the test based on the
one's they can answer 'no' to.
Eric Klis :email@example.com for verifying
equations in textbooks, using a calculator to tabulate
score, being offended by questions found on the test,
and lying in order to get a different score. (well, the
questions pertaining to those activities anyway, I don't
know that he has done any of them)
Carl Oppendahl: firstname.lastname@example.org for reminding me of the
"dark ages" of computers when programmers used punch cards,
offering the category of ham radio as a potential nerd
hobby, and questioning the speed of a nerd's modem.
Michael Fitch: email@example.com who felt obligated
to raise the scores of "those physics geeks" who have used
radiation film badges, stolen radiation warning stickers
for use on their notebooks, discussed cold fusion with
passing strangers (and been involved in cold fusion testing),
integrated numerically, and been placated by a well drawn
anonymous : for competing for the highest score on the test
and for challenging to a rematch when done.
firstname.lastname@example.org : knowledge of reverse polish
notation calculators and favorite computing language (as
well as defending it in argument).
Kevin MacCuish: email@example.com : Thanks for sending
a whole lot of potential questions including the self-help
tests, reading computer manuals for fun, jealousy toward
someone due to their computer, 8-track nerds, and everyday
situations as mathematical concepts.
T.K. Baltimore: firstname.lastname@example.org : IBM vs. Mac and
the arguments over which is better.
Jennifer C. Ginfrida : Jentrpt@bach.udl.edu : for reminding me
of my childhood days spent watching Starblazers.
Japanimation was great, but I suspect that you may be the
only person known to exist who can still sing the themesong
to that particular show.
Josh Wojcik: Wojcik@umr.edu : for solving Schroedinger's eqn.
"for fun". Hey, if you've got the time and there's nothing
better to do, why not?
Jennifer Deiros: email@example.com : she's not the only one
who still owns a Commodore 64 and still buys software for it.
Peter White : Peter.White@analog.com : standardizing his OS's
through the use of alias and batch commands, gif file
wallpaper and drinking by % alcohol rather than by taste.
Mike Owsiany : Mowsiany@ecs.umass.edu : applying to colleges
just to see if you can get in.
Rnewell@pomona.claremont.edu : "TNG" vs. "TOS" for the trekker
Gary P. Chimes : firstname.lastname@example.org : who scores the
test in scientific notation, argues over who was better,
Einstein or Feynman and isn't afraid to laugh out loud
while reading Feynman's lectures.
Peter Rabinas : email@example.com : for pointing out
that only a nerd would spend time taking a test to see if
he was a nerd.
Harry Surden : Has2@cornell.edu : who not only has the dubious
distinction of being the first person from my own site
unknown to me to offer input, but has also lost sleep over
computer games, subscribes to Computer Gaming World. Naked
people and hi-res computer scan is also one of his (all of
which should lead you to conclude that Ithaca really needs
a better social environment) I'd like to continue to thank
these people for contributing to the older versions of the
nerdity test (see lower version numbers for specifics):
Rahul Verma: RV0Sfirstname.lastname@example.org,
Thomas Marlowe: KYRIE@coos.dartmouth.edu,
Kiet H Tran: KHT@kepler.unh.edu,
Cynthia Pettit: Pettit@cs.unc.edu,
Susan Schneck: email@example.com,
Hal J. Burch: HBURCH@sleepy.ossm.edu,
Carl Mueller: firstname.lastname@example.org,
Andrew Bell: email@example.com,
And a big thanks to the "Post-Prelim/Problem Set Beer and
THANK YOU ALL!!
For additional information or
a copy of the current version,
send me e-mail to the above address. IF YOU'D LIKE TO MAKE
A CONTRIBUTION please send me the questions you feel
appropriate (please, just the questions, NOT the entire test)
as well as how you'd like to be referred to in the credits.
In the beginning there was a
large, dense ball of matter at
the center of the universe. For reasons unknown and beyond
the scope of this course, this mass exploded, spewing matter
outward. Eventually (derivation skipped, but shown
explicitly in the recommended readings) everything cooled
down, life developed and someone, somewhere created...
No version number : containing
the original 100 questions
from which the following is all derived. Origin unknown.
Format rough and crude and showing obvious derivation from the purity test.
version 2.0 : fabled and never
seen by this author.
version 2.1 : the first such version 2.1 (both were created
independently); no data available and may be mere rumor.
version 2.1.pi^2 : Rumored to exist somewhere. This author
saw a copy of it once, but has since lost it somewhere
on his desktop... Some of its was utilized in the
creation of version 3.1415
version 2.1 : (3-12-92) Prequel to the current edition.
Essentially the 100 question version reformatted, made
user-friendly and expanded to 200 questions.
version 3.1415 : (2-8-93) a further evolution of V.2.1.
It contains 300 questions and was somewhat reworked and
version 4.thirds.pi.r.cubed (3-21-93) Originally this was
supposed to be the 3.1415 version with 100 ("have you
done it recently") questions added in order to normalize
the test. Some testing revealed this to be largely
unnecessary and so much exterior input was received that
a 400 question version based on existing questions allowed
this version to be released.
version 5.x.cubed.minus.3.x.all.divided.by.2 (12-5-93)
100 new questions, most of which came from people's
comments to earlier versions of the test now in
circulation long enough to generate sizable response.
Notable changes include reformatting and reorganizing the
questions into more categories as well as the addition
of the "ranking" section. Some attempts were made at
steering the question wording away from the "serious"
and toward the "humorous". For those wondering about
the version number, it represents the third Legendre
polynomial; sorry, but there just aren't all that many
nerdy numbers starting with 5.
In two years of compiling this
in the remoteness of upstate
New York, responses have come from as far east as the UK
and as far west as Singapore. If you are interested,
both non-North Americans state that the test isn't
universal. They both complained that many questions
were culturally biased and others just didn't apply.
If I were writing this for sociological impact rather
than for fun I suppose I would be upset by this news.
Roughly 2/3 of the responses
I get are from educational
institutions. I assume distribution correlates roughly
along those lines too, but have no way of knowing for
sure. I get roughly 3 or 4 responses a week.
The highest reported score is
83% and lowest is 15%. My
own score when last I checked was roughly 81% but of
course I'm obviously skewed (in more ways than one).
If you can beat one of the high scores, let me know
and I'll FTP you a year's supply of Turtle Wax brand
screen-cleaner (Lemon Scent!) as well as all the
adhesive, colored disk labels you can eat.