Subj: Word Jokes Supp - mostly puns
(Includes 10 jokes and articles, 07 1021,7,cf,wXT2a4,3)
Chrissie and Ken's Garden Window
Subj: Punography (S986d)
From: Gabi Butler on Facebook on 12/4/2015
Source: (Removed from funnyjunk.com)
Subj: A Lexophile Loves Words (S951)
From: jbcary on 3/29/2015
"Lexophile" is a word used to
describe those that have a love
for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't
tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless."
.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes
.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
.. The batteries were given out free of charge.
.. A dentist and a manicurist married.
They fought tooth and nail.
.. A will is a dead giveaway.
.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
.. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
.. Police were summoned to a daycare center where a
three-year-old was resisting a rest.
.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side
was cut off? He's all right now.
.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine
is now fully recovered.
.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair
she thought she'd dye.
.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
.. And the cream of the twisted crop:
Those who get too big for their pants
will be totally exposed in the end !!!
ALWAYS LAUGH WHEN YOU CAN ... IT'S CHEAP MEDICINE.
10 Graphic Puns (S848d)
I went through the first eighty
pages of graphic puns
at CheezBurger.com, and these are my ten favorites.
Click 'HERE' to see them.
Subj: Raising Rabbits In Paris (S744)
From: firstname.lastname@example.org on 4/15/2011
The French will eat almost anything.
A young cook decided
that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided
to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer
restaurants in the city.
He searched all over Paris seeking
a suitable place to
raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old
priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area
behind the rectory for his rabbits.
He successfully raised a number
of them, and when he went
about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner asked him
where he got such fresh rabbits.
The young man replied, "I raise
them myself, near the
cathedral. In fact, I have a hutch back of Notre Dame.
Subj: Non Sequitur Cartoon (S810)
By Wiley Miller on 7/15/2012
Subj: Punny Thoughts (S812)
From: hendersonjrg on 8/4/2012
Short Puns' in Word_Jokes1
and 'Perfectly Painful Puns' in Word_Joke2)
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and
pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid.
He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian
club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
I can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns.
It was a play on words.
I read on my medical chart that I had type
A blood, but it was a Type- O.
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory.
I hope there's no pop quiz.
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost
her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an
extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
England has no kidney bank,
but it does have a Liverpool.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
Velcro - what a rip off!
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
Venison for dinner? Oh deer!
Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
A paraprosdokian is a figure
of speech in which the latter
part of a sentence is unexpected and oft times very humorous:
If I had a dollar for every girl
that found me unattractive,
they'd eventually find me very attractive.
I find it ironic that the colors
red, white, and blue stand
for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.
Today a man knocked on my door
and asked for a small donation
towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
Hospitality is the art of making
like they're at home when you wish they were.
Women spend more time wondering
what men are thinking
than men spend thinking.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
Women sometimes make fools of
but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
Men say women should come with
an instruction manual;
but since when has any man stopped to read the instructions.
I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today,but I couldn't find it.
If at first you don't succeed,skydiving is not for you.
Subj: Short 'Word' Jokes
Pearls Before Swine II Sunday Comic Strip (S899d)
By Stephan Pastis on 4/6/2014
Subj: Buffalo's Son Goes To College (S1009)
From: Sam Perkins on 4/27/2016
Pearls Before Swine Sunday Comic Strip (S809)
By Stephan Pastis on 7/8/2012