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Subj:     Word Jokes Supp - mostly puns
                 (Includes 11 jokes and articles, 17 1057n,7,cif,wXT2a4,3)

Waterfalls
from
Chrissie and Ken's Garden Window
Includes the following:  Punography - Photo (S986)
.........................A Lexophile Loves Words (S951)
.........................10 Graphic Puns (S848)
.........................Raising Rabbits In Paris (S744)
.........................Non Sequitur Cartoon (S810)
.........................Punny Thoughts (S812)
.........................Paraprosdokian Sentences (S1021)
.........................Buffalo's Son Goes To College (S1009)
.........................The Hills Have A Car Accident In Transylvania (S298b)
                         Short 'Word' Jokes
..............................Pearls Before Swine II Sunday Comic Strip (S899)
..............................Pearls Before Swine Sunday Comic Strip (S809)

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Subj:     Punography (S986d)
          From: Gabi Butler on Facebook on 12/4/2015
 Source: (Removed from funnyjunk.com)
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Subj:     A Lexophile Loves Words (S951)
          From: jbcary on 3/29/2015

 "Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love
 for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't
 tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless."

.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
.. The batteries were given out free of charge.
.. A dentist and a manicurist married.
   They fought tooth and nail.
.. A will is a dead giveaway.
.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
.. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
.. Police were summoned to a daycare center where a
   three-year-old was resisting a rest.
.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side
   was cut off? He's all right now.
.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine
   is now fully recovered.
.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair
   she thought she'd dye.
.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
.. And the cream of the twisted crop:
   Those who get too big for their pants
   will be totally exposed in the end !!!

  ALWAYS LAUGH WHEN YOU CAN ... IT'S CHEAP MEDICINE.

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Subj:     10 Graphic Puns (S848d)
          From: CheezBurger.com
 Source: http://memebase.cheezburger.com/

 I went through the first eighty pages of graphic puns
 at CheezBurger.com, and these are my ten favorites.
 Click 'HERE' to see them.

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Subj:     Raising Rabbits In Paris (S744)
          From: ezines@arcamax.com on 4/15/2011

 The French will eat almost anything.  A young cook decided
 that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided
 to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer
 restaurants in the city.

 He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to
 raise his rabbits.  None could be found.  Finally, an old
 priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area
 behind the rectory for his rabbits.

 He successfully raised a number of them, and when he went
 about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner asked him
 where he got such fresh rabbits.

 The young man replied, "I raise them myself, near the
 cathedral.  In fact, I have a hutch back of Notre Dame.

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Subj:     Non Sequitur Cartoon (S810)
          By Wiley Miller on 7/15/2012
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/nonsequitur/2012/07/16
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Subj:     Punny Thoughts (S812)
          From: hendersonjrg on 8/4/2012

 (See 'Cute, Short Puns' in Word_Jokes1
  and 'Perfectly Painful Puns' in Word_Joke2)

 When chemists die, they barium.
 Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
 A soldier who survived mustard gas and
    pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
 I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid.
    He says he can stop any time.
 How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
 This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian
    club, but I'd never met herbivore.
 I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
    I can't put it down.
 I did a theatrical performance about puns.
    It was a play on words.
 I read on my medical chart that I had type
    A blood, but it was a Type- O.
 Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory.
 I hope there's no pop quiz.
 Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost
    her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
 When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
 I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
 What do you call a dinosaur with an
    extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
 England has no kidney bank,
    but it does have a Liverpool.
 I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
 I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
 Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
 Velcro - what a rip off!
 Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
 Venison for dinner? Oh deer!
 Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.
 Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

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Subj:     Paraprosdokian (S1021)
          From: bletterman265

 A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter
 part of a sentence is unexpected and oft times very humorous:

 If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive,
    they'd eventually find me very attractive.

 I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand
    for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.

 Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation
 towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

 Hospitality is the art of making guests feel
    like they're at home when you wish they were.

 Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking
    than men spend thinking.

 He who laughs last thinks slowest.

 Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

 Women sometimes make fools of men,
    but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

 Men say women should come with an instruction manual;
    but since when has any man stopped to read the instructions.

 I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

 Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

 I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today,but I couldn't find it.

 If at first you don't succeed,skydiving is not for you.

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Subj:     Buffalo's Son Goes To College (S1009)
          From: Sam Perkins on 4/27/2016
 Source: http://www.memes.com/img/478081
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Subj:     The Hills Have A Car Accident In Transylvania
          From: pns on 10/13/2002 (S298b, Du)

 Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, were vacationing in Europe,
 as it happens, near Transylvania.  They were driving in a
 rental car along a rather deserted  highway.  It was late,
 and raining very hard.  Bob could barely see 10 feet in
 front of the car.  Suddenly the car skids out of control!
 Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail!  The car
 swerves and smashes into a  tree.

 Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog.  Dazed,
 he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his new wife
 unconscious, with her head bleeding!  Despite the rain and
 unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to carry her to the
 nearest phone.

 Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the
 road.  After a short while, he sees a light.  He heads
 towards the light, which is coming from an old, large house.
 He approaches the door and knocks.

 A minute passes.  A small, hunched man opens the door.  Bob
 immediately blurts, "Hello,  my name is Bob Hill, and this
 is my wife Betty.  We've been in a terrible accident, and
 my wife has been seriously hurt.  Can I please use your phone??

 "I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a
 phone.  My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him."

 Bob brings his wife in.  An elegant man comes down the
 stairs.  "I'm afraid my  assistant may have misled you.  I
 am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.  However, it is
 many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic
 medical training.  I will see what I can do.  Igor, bring
 them down to the laboratory."

 With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs,
 with Bob following closely.  Igor places Betty on a table
 in the lab.  Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own
 injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

 After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried.
 "things are serious, Igor.  Prepare a transfusion."  Igor
 and his master work feverishly, but to no avail.  Bob and
 Betty Hill are no more.

 The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly.  Wearily,
 he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his
 pipe organ.  For it is here that he has  always found solace.
 He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting,  melody
 fills the house.

 Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up.  As the
 music fills the lab, his eyes catch movement, and he notices
 the fingers on Betty Hill's hand twitch.  Stunned, he
 watches as Bob's arm begins to rise!  He is furthur amazed
 as Betty sits straight up!

 Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the
 conservatory.  He bursts in and shouts to his master:

 "Master, Master!.......The Hills are alive with the sound
 of music!"


Subj:     Short 'Word' Jokes
 

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Subj:     Pearls Before Swine II Sunday Comic Strip (S899d)
          By Stephan Pastis on 4/6/2014
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/
.........pearlsbeforeswine/2014/04/06
 Click 'HERE' to read this Pearls Before Swine Sunday
 Comic strip discuss a Mafia Don's favorite flashlight.

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Subj:     Pearls Before Swine Sunday Comic Strip (S809)
          By Stephan Pastis on 7/8/2012
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine/2012/07/08
 Click 'HERE' to read this Pearls Before Swine Sunday Comic
 strip explain the difference between JPG and GIF pictures.
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