(Includes 17 jokes and articles)
Globe
from
The Teachers Lounge
| Subj:
Christmas1 Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 17 jokes and articles) |
|
Globe from The Teachers Lounge |
Also see BALLS file - 'SNL
Schweaty Balls'
BARBIE file - 'Barbie's
Letter To Santa:'
BIRDS-PARROT - 'The
Christmas Bird'
BREAST file - 'Kinds
Of Breasts ? Penises'
BROTHERS file- 'Two
Brothers At Christmas'
CAT2 file - 'Christmas
Cat Poetry'
CHEMISTRY - 'The
Chemistry Teacher's Coming to Town'
COMPUTERS3 - 'Programmer's
Night Before Christmas'
......................-
'Twas
The Night Before 2000'
......................-
'Abort,
Retry, Ignore Poem'
DENTIST file - 'Dentist
Makes A New Upper Plate'
EBONICS file - 'Ebonics
Night Before Christmas'
FACTS2 file - 'Working
Christmas Eve'
......................-
'Exchanging
A Pair Of Pants'
......................-
'My
Christmas Photo'
FACTS4 file - 'New
Years Day Trivia'
FAIRY-TALES - 'The Three Little
Pigs At Christmas' - Movie
FAMOUS PEOPL1- 'Marv
Albert Theme Song'
Food file - 'Dieters
Night Before Christmas'
......................-
'Holiday
Party Kit!'
.........GRAVEYARD
- 'Arlington At Christmas'
JEWISH3 file - 'Christmas
Vs. Chanukah'
......................-
'The
Night Before Chanukah'
......................-
'Second
The Night Before Chanukah'
JOBS3 file - 'Pack
It In! Happy New Year!'
JUDGE file - 'Nativity
In Washington DC'
......................-
'Woman
Arrested For Christmas Lights'
MEXICAN file - 'The
Night Before Christmas, Tex-Mex Vers.'
MOVIES_ETC-SP- 'Celebrity Christmas
Voices'
NATIONAL file- 'The
Whole World As 100 People' (for New Years)
NEW YEARS - 'To
All My Democratic Friends:'
PLANE1 file - 'Stealth,
Night Before Christmas'
POLITICAL2 - 'Ghosts
of Christmas Pres(id)ent'
PROFESSOR - 'Professor
Santa Claus'
PUSSY file - 'Christmas
Tree Decorations'
REDNECK3 - 'Twas
A Redneck Christmas'
......................-
'Redneck
Nativity Scene'
......................-
'Twas
The Night After Christmas
RELIGION1 - 'PMS
In The Bible'
RUSSIAN file - 'A
Weather Man Named Rudolf'
SANTA file - (the whole
joke file)
SCIENCE1 file- 'Night
Before Christmas,Scientifically Explained'
Tear-Jerker2 - 'My
First Christmas In Heaven'
......................-
'A
White Envelope On The Christmas Tree'
THANKSGIVING - 'Twas
The Night Of Thanksgiving'
......................-
'Woman
Gets Tattooed On Her Thigh'
TREES file - 'What
Do You Hear?'
============================================================Top
| Subj:
A Beautiful Christmas Card (S463)
Made by Ashland University From: darrell94590 on 12/5/2005 |
 |
This SWF movie is amazing to
watch. The graphics and music
are quite pleasant. You
can see it on the source above, or
on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: Guy
Christmas (S468)
Copyright © 2005 Blethen Maine Newspapers Inc.
From: igiggle on 1/8/2006
Source: http://pressherald.mainetoday.com/viewpoints
/editorials/051223guyxmas.shtml
As Christmas Day fast approaches,
we are entering that
part of the annual rush called
"Guy Christmas" (aka
"Christmas Eve"). It is
that portion of the shopping
season in which Real Guys get
ready for the holiday.
This process has three phases:
Making lists: For Real Guys (and
you know who you are), the
list-making process involves
waking up on Christmas Eve
morning, mentally surveying
the number of people needing
gifts, and being overcome by
the realization of just how
much trouble they are going
to be in if they don't buy them
today.
Buying gifts: At this point,
Guys get dressed and go to a
store. Or possibly two
stores, but in that case, one of
them always sells hardware.
If the Guy is buying for a significant
female, he will stop
by the lingerie or perfume counters
and make a selection.
However, he will never, ever
stop by the makeup counter.
There are limits.
If he is buying for a child,
he will go to the toy
department and buy something
he would like to play with
himself.
Then he will go to the hardware
department and do the same
thing.
Wrapping gifts: Now it is Crunch
Time. If our Guys have
exercised a due amount of care
and judgment, it is still
before 10 a.m. That means
they have all day to wrap them.
The wrapping process is composed
of two parts - Procras-
tination and Desperation.
Part One involves leaving the
presents in the trunk and watching
whatever games are on
the tube today.
Part Two occurs when the last
game ends, and the "uh-oh"
process commences. Our
Guy locates the wrapping paper,
ribbon and tape by the simple
expedient of asking the
nearest female where she keeps
them. Then he discards the
ribbon, wraps the gifts using
no more than three times the
amount of paper the female would
have used, and proudly
places them under the tree.
At this point, if our Guy is
a father, the All-Night Complex-
Toy Assembly Phase begins. But
that's another story.
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Subj: No Obligation
Season's Greetings (S465b)
From: thebartend on 12/23/2005
Please accept with no obligation,
implied or implicit, best
wishes for an environmentally
conscientious, socially respon-
sible, low stress, non-addictive,
gender neutral, celebration
of the winter solstice holiday,
practiced within the most
enjoyable traditions of the
religious persuasion of your choice,
or secular practices of your
choice, with respect for the
religious/secular persuasions
and/or traditions of others, or
their choice not to practice
religious or secular traditions
at all.
Also a fiscally successful, personally
fulfilling, and medically
uncomplicated recognition of
the onset of the generally accepted
calendar year 2006, but not
without due respect for the calendars
of choice of other cultures
whose contributions to society have
helped make America great, (not
to imply that America is
necessarily greater than any
other country), and without regard
to the race, creed, colour,
age, physical ability, religious
faith, choice of computer platform,
or sexual preference of the
wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you
are accepting these terms. This
greeting is subject to clarification
or withdrawal. It is freely
transferable with no alteration
to the original greeting. It
implies no promise by the wisher
to actually implement any of
the wishes for her/himself or
others, and is void where
prohibited by law, and is revocable
at the sole discretion of
the wisher.
This wish is warranted to perform
as expected within the usual
application of good tidings
for a period of one year, or until
the issuance of a subsequent
holiday greeting, whichever comes
first, and warranty is limited
to replacement of this wish or
issuance of a new wish at the
sole discretion of the wisher.)
\\\//
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Subj: Secret
To A Good Marriage (S463)
From: igiggle on 12/8/2005
The secret to a good marriage?
Christmas ornaments, of course.
According to a Bavarian custom
called the "Bride's Tree," there
are 12 special molded glass
ornaments that newlyweds need to
hang on their tree. Each
one reminds them of what's necessary
for a successful relationship:
Angel (God's Guidance)
Bird (Joy)
Fish (Christ's Blessing)
Flower Basket (Good Wishes)
Fruit Basket (Generosity)
Heart (True Love)
House (Protection)
Pine Cone (Fruitfulness)
Rabbit (Hope)
Rose (Affection)
Santa (Good Will)
Teapot (Hospitality)
\\\//
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Subj: The
Story Of Rudolph (S462)
From: igiggle on 12/1/2005
In 1939, Robert May, a copywriter
for Montgomery Ward, was
asked to write a Christmas poem
for the holiday season. May
come up with one he called "Rollo
the Red-Nosed Reindeer."
Executives of the company liked
the story, but didn't like
the name Rollo. So May
renamed the reindeer Reginald - the
only name he could think of
that preserved the poem's rhythm.
Montgomery Ward rejected that
name, too. Try as he might,
May couldn't come up with another
name that fit - until his
four-year-old daughter suggested
Rudolph.
The poem was a huge success.
Montgomery Ward published a
little book out of it and sold
some two and a half million
copies that season. Ten years
later, the popular story about
the misfit reindeer was set
to music by Robert May's brother-
in-law, songwriter Johnny Marks.
When the song was recorded
by singing cowboy Gene Autry,
"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"
(betcha can hear it now) became
the second-best-selling
Christmas single in history
- after "White Christmas."
But that's just the beginning
of the little reindeer's
popularity. Most of us
have seen - on a yearly basis perhaps
- the classic Animagic special,
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,
which aired for the first time
in 1964 on the General Electric
Fantasy Hour. In the show,
Yukon Cornelius, Hermey the Elf,
and the misfit toys all help
Rudolph save Christmas. Narrated
by Burl Ives, the TV special
has been watched by an estimated
100 million families over the
years. Today the show, and
Rudolph, are permanently established
in the Christmas tradition.
\\\//
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Subj: Christmas
Mistake (S303)
From: mombear1 on 11/22/2002
Each December, I vowed to make
Christmas a calm and peaceful
experience. I had cut
back on nonessential obligations -
extensive card writing, endless
baking, decorating, and even
overspending. Yet still,
I found myself exhausted, unable
to appreciate the precious family
moments, and of course,
the true meaning of Christmas.
My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten
that year. It was an
exciting season for a six year
old. For weeks, he'd been
memorizing songs for his school's
"Winter Pageant." I did
not have the heart to tell him
I'd be working the night of
the production. Unwilling
to miss his shining moment, I
spoke with his teacher.
She assured me there'd be a dress
rehearsal the morning of the
presentation. All parents
unable to attend that evening
were welcome to come then.
Fortunately, Nicholas seemed
happy with the compromise.
So, the morning of the dress
rehearsal, I filed in ten
minutes early, found a spot
on the cafeteria floor and sat
down. Around the room,
I saw several other parents quietly
scampering to their seats.
As I waited, the students were
led into the room. Each
class, accompanied by their
teacher, sat cross-legged on
the floor. Then, each group,
one by one, rose to perform
their song. Because the public
school system had long stopped
referring to the holiday as
"Christmas," I didn't expect
anything other than fun,
commercial entertainment - songs
of reindeer, Santa Claus,
snowflakes and good cheer.
So, when my son's class rose
to sing, "Christmas Love," I
was slightly taken aback by
its bold title. Nicholas was
aglow, as were all of his classmates,
adorned in fuzzy
mittens, red sweaters, and bright
snowcaps upon their
heads. Those in the front row-
center stage - held up
large letters, one by one, to
spell out the title of the
song. As the class would sing
"C is for Christmas," a
child would hold up the letter
C. Then, "H is for Happy,"
and on and on, until each child
holding up his portion
had presented the complete message,
"Christmas Love."
The performance was going smoothly,
until suddenly, we
noticed her; a small, quiet,
girl in the front row holding
the letter "M" upside down -
totally unaware her letter
"M" appeared as a "W".
The audience of 1st through 6th
graders snickered at this little
one's mistake. But she
had no idea they were laughing
at her, so she stood tall,
proudly holding her "W".
Although many teachers tried to
shush the children, the laughter
continued until the last
letter was raised, and we all
saw it together. A hush
came over the audience and eyes
began to widen. In that
instant, we understood - the
reason we were there, why we
celebrated the holiday in the
first place, why even in the
chaos, there was a purpose for
our festivities. For when
the last letter was held high,
the
message read loud and
clear:
"CHRISTWAS LOVE"
And, I believe, He still is.
\\\//
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Subj: A Box
of Kisses (S177, S536b)
From: RFSlick on 6/18/00
and
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 4/16/2007
The story goes that some time
ago, a man punished his
3-year old daughter for wasting
a roll of gold wrapping
paper. Money was tight
and he became infuriated when
the child tried to decorate
a box to put under the
Christmas tree.
Nevertheless, the little girl brought
the gift to her father the next
morning and said, "This
is for you, Daddy." He
was embarrassed by his earlier
overreaction, but his anger
flared again when he found
the box was empty. He
yelled at her, "Don't you know
when you give someone a present,
there's supposed to be
something inside it?"
The little girl looked up at
him with tears in her eyes
and said, "Oh Daddy, it's not
empty. I blew kisses into
the box. All for you,
Daddy." The father was crushed.
He put his arms around his little
girl, and he begged
for her forgiveness.
An accident took the life of
the child only a short time
later and it is told that the
man kept that gold box by
his bed for many years and whenever
he was discouraged,
he would take out an imaginary
kiss and remember the love
of the child who had put it
there.
In a very real sense, each of
us as humans, have been
given a gold container filled
with unconditional love
and kisses from our children,
friends, family and God.
There is no more precious possession
anyone could hold.
\\\//
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Subj: Lovable
Louise (S150)
From: KMacinty on 12/16/1999
As a joke, my brother used to
hang a pair of panty hose over
his fireplace before Christmas.
He said all he wanted was for
Santa to fill them. What
they say about Santa checking the
list twice must be true because
every Christmas morning,
although Jay's kids' stockings
were overflowed, his poor panty
hose hung sadly empty and grew
increasingly threadbare.
One year I decided to make his
dream come true. I put on sun-
glasses and a fake beard and
went in search of an inflatable
love doll. Of course,
they don't sell those things at Walmart.
I had to go to an adult
bookstore downtown. If you've never
been in an X-rated store, don't
go. You'll only confuse your-
self. I was there almost
three hours saying things like, "What
does this do?" "You're kidding
me!" "Who owns that?" "Do you
have their phone number?"
Finally, I made it to the inflatable
doll section. I wanted to
buy a standard, uncomplicated
doll suitable for a night of
romance that could also
substitute as a passenger in my truck
so I could use the car pool
lane during rush hour. I'm not sure
what a complicated doll is.
Perhaps one that is subject to
wild mood shifts and using a
French accent for no reason at all.
(That also describes a few ex-girlfriends.)
Finding what I
wanted was difficult.
Love dolls come in many different models.
The top of the line, according
to the side of the box, could do
things I'd only seen in a book
on animal husbandry. I figured
the "vibro-motion" was a feature
Jay could live without, so I
settled for Lovable Louise.
She was at the bottom of the price
scale. To call Louise
a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve, with the help
of an old bicycle pump, Louise
came to life. My sister-in-law
was in on the plan and cleverly
left the front door key hidden
under the mat. In the wee morn-
ing hours, long after Santa
had come and gone, I snuck into the
house and filled the dangling
panty hose with Louise's pliant
legs and bottom. I also
ate some cookies and drank what
remained of a glass of milk
on a nearby tray. Then I let myself
out, went home, and giggled
for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called
to say that Santa had been to
his house and left a present
that had made him VERY happy but
had left the dog confused.
He would bark, start to walk away,
then come back and bark some
more. I suggested he purchase an
inflatable Lassie to set Rover
straight. We also agreed that
Louise should remain in her
panty hose so the rest of the family
could admire her when they came
over for the traditional
Christmas dinner. It seemed
like a great idea, except that we
forgot that Grandma and Grandpa
would be there.
My grandmother noticed Louise
the moment she walked in the door.
"What the hell is that?" she
asked.
My brother quickly explained. "It's a doll."
"Who would play with something
like that?" Granny snapped. I
had several candidates in mind,
but kept my mouth shut. "Where
are her clothes?" Granny
continued. I hadn't seen any in the
box, but I kept this information
to myself. "Boy, that turkey
sure smells nice, Gran," Jay
said, trying to steer her into
the dining room. But Granny
was relentless.
"Why doesn't she have any teeth?"
Again, I could have answered,
but why would I? It was
Christmas and no one wanted to ride in
the back of the ambulance saying,
"Hang on Granny, Hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful
old man with poor eyesight, sidled
up to me and said," Hey, who's
the naked gal by the fireplace?"
I told him she was Jay's
friend. A few minutes later I noticed
Grandpa by the mantel, talking
to Louise. Not just talking, but
actually flirting. It
was then that we realized this might be
Grandpa's last Christmas at
home.
The dinner went well. We
made the usual small talk about who
had died, who was dying, and
who should be killed, when suddenly
Louise made a noise that sounded
a lot like my father in the
bathroom in the morning.
The she lurched from the panty hose,
flew around the room twice,
and fell in a heap in front of the
sofa.
The cat screamed, I passed
cranberry sauce through my nose,
and Grandpa ran across the room,
fell to his knees, and began
administering mouth to mouth
resuscitation. My brother wet his
pants and Granny threw down
her napkin, stomped out of the
room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to
treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage,
we conducted a thorough examin-
ation to decide the cause of
Louise's collapse. We discovered
that Louise had suffered from
a hot ember to the back of her
right thigh. Fortunately,
thanks to a wonder drug called duct
tape, we restored her to perfect
health. Louise went on to
star in several bachelor party
movies. I think Grandpa still
calls her whenever he can get
out of the house.
\\\//
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 |
Subj:
Redneck Rockwell Christmas (S517b in Redneck-Supp)
From: LABLaughsClean on 12/6/2006 |
This really does look like a
Norman Rockwell picture from the
1950s. You can view it
at the source above, or on my web
site by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: New
Year Resolutions For Internet Junkies (S104)
From: Anaise on 99-01-22
New Year Resolutions for Internet Junkies
1. I will try to figure out
why I "really" need
12 e-mail
addresses.
2. I will stop sending e-mail
to my wife (husband).
A phone call
every now and then would be appreciated
3. I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.
4. I will answer my snail mail
with the same enthusiasm
with which
I answer my e-mail.
5. I will stop sending e-mail,
ICQ, Instant Messages
and be on
the phone at the same time with the same person.
6. I resolve to back up my 12GB
hard drive daily...well,
once a week...okay,
monthly then...or maybe... at least
once a year
7. I will spend less than one
hour a day on the Internet.
This, of
course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not
a clock watcher.
8. I will stop checking my e-mail
at 3:00 in the morning...
4:30 is much
more practical since my friends overseas
already had
time to answer me by then
9. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
10. I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
11. I will think of a password other than "password."
12. I resolve... I resolve to...
I resolve to, uh...
I resolve
to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh,
get my, er,
off-line work done, too!
\\\//
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Subj: Pyschological
Christmas Carols (S307)
From: homeschooling.guide on 99-01-17
and
From: gheckman on 12/16/2002
SCHIZOPHRENIA - "Do You Hear What I Hear?"
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER
- "We Three Queens
Disoriented Are"
DEMENTIA - "I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas"
NARCISSISTIC TENDENCIES - "Hark
The Herald Angels Sing
(About Me)"
MANIA - "Deck the Halls and Walls
and House and Lawn and
Streets and Store
and Office ...or Deck the Halls and
Spare No Expense!"
PARANOIA - "Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me"
PERSONALITY DISORDER - "You Better
Watch Out, I'm Gonna
Cry, I'm Gonna
Pout...then MAYBE I'll tell you why!"
CLINICAL DEPRESSION - "Silent
anhedonia, Holy anhedonia.
All is calm, All is pretty lonely..."
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER
- "Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock;
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Rock; Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock;
Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell Rock; Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell Rock; Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock;
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Rock; Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell; Jingle Bell...
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY - "Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire"
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - "On the
First Day of Christmas,
My True Love Gave
to Me (and then took it all away)"
\\\//
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Subj: Christmas
Puns (S99)
From: smiles on 98-12-14
Source: THE WORD CIRCUS: A LETTER-PERFECT
BOOK by Richard Lederer
(Merriam-Webster, hardcover, $14.95)
From the Chapter 'Have a Punny Christmas'
It's a matter of my opinion that
Yule love the game we're
about to play. In each
sentence below, fill in the blank
or blanks with an expression
commonly used at Christmastide.
Answers repose at the end of
this column.
1. On December 24, Adam's wife was known as _____ _____.
2. In Charles Dickens's A Christmas
Carol, Scrooge was
visited by the ghost of _____ _____.
3. An opinion survey in Alaska is called a _____ _____.
4. What does Santa Claus do
with his three gardens?
_____, _____, _____
5. What Christmas message is
conveyed by these letters?:
ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. _____, _____
6. When the salt and the pepper
say "Hi!" to each other,
they are passing on _____ _____.
7. A holy man bereft of change could be called _____ _____.
8. When you cross a sheep with
a cicada,
you get a _____ _____.
9. A quiet medieval armor-wearer is a _____ _____.
10. A cat walking on the desert is bound to get _____ _____.
11. People who tell jokes on
December 25 might
be called _____ _____.
12. An airplane disaster in Israel is a _____.
13. Actor O'Connor and actress
Channing are known on
December 25 as _____ _____.
14. What do Spanish sheep says
when they wish each
other a Merry Christmas? _____ _____.
Meretricious
to all! And don't forget that There's
No Plate
Like Chrome for the Hollandaise.
Answers
1. Christmas Eve
2. Christmas Present
3. North Poll
4. Hoe, hoe, hoe.
5. Noel, Noel (no l, no l)
6. seasons' greetings.
7. St. Nickleless.
8. Bah! (or Baa!) Humbug!
9. silent knight
10. sandy claws
11. Christmas cards
12. cresh
13. Christmas Carols
14. Fleece Navidad!
\\\//
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Subj: ASCII
Holiday Art
From: smiles on 98-12-18
+
"X"
"XXX"
"XXXXX"
"GOD JUL"
"BUON ANNO"
"FELIZ NATAL"
"JOYEUX NOEL"
"VESELE VANOCE"
"MELE KALIKIMAKA"
"NODLAG SONA DHUIT"
"BLWYDDYN NEWYDD DDA"
"""""""BOAS FESTAS"""""""
"FELIZ NAVIDAD"
"MERRY CHRISTMAS"
"KALA CHRISTOUGENA"
"VROLIJK KERSTFEEST"
"FROHLICHE WEIHNACHTEN"
"BUON NATALE-GODT NYTAR"
"HUAN YING SHENG TAN CHIEH"
"WESOLYCH SWIAT-SRETAN BOZIC"
"MOADIM LESIMHA-LINKSMU KALEDU"
"HAUSKAA JOULUA-AID SAID MOUBARK"
"""""""'N PRETTIG KERSTMIS"""""""
"ONNZLLISTA UUTTA VUOTTA"
"Z ROZHDESTYOM KHRYSTOVYM"
"NADOLIG LLAWEN-GOTT NYTTSAR"
"FELIC NADAL-GOJAN KRISTNASKON"
"S NOVYM GODOM-FELIZ ANO NUEVO"
"GLEDILEG JOL-NOELINIZ KUTLU OLSUM"
"EEN GELUKKIG NIEUWJAAR-SRETAN BOSIC"
"KRIHSTLINDJA GEZUAR-KALA CHRISTOUGENA"
"SELAMAT HARI NATAL - LAHNINGU NAJU METU"
"""""""SARBATORI FERICITE-BUON ANNO"""""""
"ZORIONEKO GABON-HRISTOS SE RODI"
"BOLDOG KARACSONNY-VESELE VIANOCE "
"MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR"
"ROOMSAID JOULU PUHI -KUNG HO SHENG TEN"
"FELICES PASUAS - EIN GLUCKICHES NEUJAHR"
"PRIECIGUS ZIEMAN SVETKUS SARBATORI VESLLE"
"BONNE ANNEBLWYDDYN NEWYDD DDADRFELIZ NATAL"
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
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XXXXX
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Subj: Season's
Greetings (S96)
From: smiles on 98-11-28
saltpepper
marjoram sage cilantro
sarsaparilla
bay leave scinnamon coriander!
garlicsalt
allspice curry cinnamon
rosemary
fennel parsley turmeric
dillweed
ginger anise pepper
tarragon
chives celeryseed nutmeg
angelica
garlic allspice cloves
parsley
sage rosemary thyme
mustard
zest basil oregano
cumin paprika
capers dill
marjoram
hoisin relish Na
shallots
pickle garlic Cl
woodruff
cloves sesame garlic
mushroom
onions morels red pepper
peppermint
jalapeno tarragon mace
butterscotch
lime juice
S E A S O N E D G R E E T I N G S
MERRRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR
.... said many ways . . .
Afrikaans
'n Geseende Kersfees en 'n voorspoedige Nuwejaar
Arabic-classic I'd Miilad
said oua Sana saida
Armenian
Shenoraavor Nor Dari yev Pari Gaghand
Azeri
Tezze Iliniz Yahsi Olsun
Basque
Zorionstsu Eguberri. Zoriontsu Urte Berri On
Bengali
Naba Barsher Shubh Kamona
Breton
Nedeleg laouen na bloavezh mat
Bulgarian
Tchestito Rojdestvo Hristovo. Tchestita Nova Godina
Celtic
Nadolig Llawen a Blwyddyn Newydd Dda=13=DF
Chinese
- Cantonese
Gun Tso Sun Tan'Gung Haw Sun
- Mandarin
Gong zhu ge wei shengdan kuai le
(We wish you a merry Christmas)
Yi ji xin nien kuai le (and a happy new year)
- Hong Kong
Kung Ho Hsin Hsi. Ching Chi Shen Tan
Cornish
Nadelik looan na looan blethen noweth
Czech
Prejeme Vam Vesele Vanoce a stastny Novy Rok
Danish
Hermed v]re beste dnsker om en Gledelig Jul og
et Godt Nytt]=r
Dutch
Zalig Kerstfeest en een gelukkig Nieuwjaar
Prettige Kerstdagen en een Voorspoedig Nieuwjaar
English
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
Season's Greetings
Estonian
Roomsaid Joulu Phui ja Uut Aastat innish
Hyv?? Joulua ja Onnellista Uutta Vuotta
Toivotamme Hyv?? Joulua ja Onnellista Uutta Vuotta
rench Joyeux noel et bonne anne
German
Frhliche Weihnachten und ein glCckliches neues JahrGreek
Swiss German
Frhlichi Wynacht unds glCcklich's nis Johr
Hawaiian
Mele kalikimaka me ka Hauoli Makahiki hou
Hebrew
Mo'adim Lesimkha. Chena tova
Hindi
Shub Naya Baras
Hindi
Naye Warsh Ki Shubhkamnaye
Hungarian
Boldog Karacsonyl es Ujevl Unnepeket
Icelandic
Gledlig jol og Nyar
Gledileg jl og farsXlt komandi =3Dr
Indonesian
Selamah Tahun Baru
Irish
Nollaig shona dhuit agus athbhliain faoi mhaise
Italian
Buone Natalie e felice Capo d'Anno
Buon Natale e Felice Anno Nuovo
Japanese
merii kurisumasu (really "merry christmas" spoken
with a Japanese accent, no similar word exists
in Japanese) Happy New Year -
Shinnen omedeto (literal translation)
Shinnen akemashite omedetou gozaimasu (formal)
Akemashite omedetou (for short)
Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto
Kala
Khristougena kai Eftikhes to Neon Etos
Korean
Sung Tan Chuk Ha
Latvian
Priecigus Ziemas Svetkus un Laimigu Jauno Gadu
Lithuanian
Linksmu sventu Kaledu ir Laimingu Nauju Metu
Manx
Nollick ghennal as blein vie noa
Marathi
Shub Naya Varsh
Norwegian
- Ny Norsk
Eg ynskjer hermed Dykk alle ein God Jul og eit
Godt Nytt $r
- Riksm]l
Gledelig jul og godt nytt }r! ?archaic>
God jul og godt nytt }r! ?common
usage>
Northern Sotho Matlhatse
le matlhogonolo mo ngwageng o moswa.
Polish
Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia i Szczesliwego
Nowego Roku
Papiamento
Bon Pasku i Felis Anja Nobo
Pig Latin
Errymay ristmaskay nday appyhay ewnay earyay
Portuguese
Feliz Natal e prospero Ano Novo
Feliz Natal e Bom Ano Novo
Rapa-Nui
Mata-Ki-Te-Rangi. Te-Pito-O-Te-Henua
Romanian
Sarbatori Fericite. La Multi Ani
Russian
Pozdravlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva i s Novim Godom
Samoan
La Maunia Le Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou
Scottish
Nollaig Chridheil agus Bliadhna Mhath Ur
Serb-Croatian Sretam
Bozic. Vesela Nova Godina
Singhalese......Subha
nath thalak Vewa. Subha Aluth Awrudhak Vewa
Slovak
Vesele Vianoce. A stastlivy Novy Rok
Slovene
Vesele Bozicne. Screcno Novo Leto
Spanish
Feliz Navidad y Prospero Ano Nuevo
Swedish
Glad Jul och ett gott Nytt $r
Vi vill h?rmed nska en God Jul och ett Gott Nytt $r
Tagalog
Maligayamg Pasko. Masaganang Bagong Taon
Tamil
Nathar Puthu Varuda Valthukkal
Turkish
Yeni Yilnizi Kutar, saadetler dilerim
Ukrainian
Veselykh Svyat i scaslivoho Novoho Roku
Urdu
Naya Saal Mubarak Ho
Vietnamese
Chuc mung nam moi
Waray
Maupay nga Pasko ngan Mainuswagon nga Bag-o nga Tu-ig
Welsh
Nadolig Llawen a Blwyddyn Newydd Dda
Zulu:
Nginifisela inhlanhla ne mpumelelo e nyakeni.
Apologies for:
hundreds of omitted languages
incorrect spelling - - inapropriate punctuation ?
characters that cannot be communicated on screens.
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Subj: Kid
Gets Bike For Christmas (S03, S361)
From: Tom_Adams on 98-11-04
On Christmas morning a cop on
horseback is sitting at a
traffic light, and next to him
is a kid on his shiny new
bike. The cop says to
the kid, Nice bike you got there.
Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year
tell Santa to put a tail-
light on that bike." The
cop then proceeds to issue the
kid a $20.00 bicycle safety
violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and
before he rides off says,
"By the way, that's a nice horse
you got there. Did
Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop
says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid says, "Well, next year
tell Santa to put the dick
underneath the horse, instead
of on top."
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| Subj:
White Trash Christmas (S464b)
From: darrell94590 on 12/13/2005 |
 |
This SWF, cartoon movie is very
cute. You can view it on
the source above, or on my web
site by clicking 'HERE'.
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 |
Subj:
We Wish You A Merry Christmas (S569)
From: tom on 12/15/2007 |
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Smiley opens presents from
Smiley_Central |