Subj: Motorcycle Jokes
(Includes 35 jokes and articles, 12899,25,cf,md?v,22)
Accent on Animation
Also see ACCIDENT1
Has Three Accidents In One Day'
BANKING file - 'Biker Wants To Open Checking Account'
CANADIAN file- 'The Protector'
CAR1 file - 'Super Car And The Moped'
CARS3 file - 'Woman w/Sick Kid Locks Keys In Car'
DIFFERENCES3 - 'Her Story And His Story'
DOCTOR-SUPP - 'Having Green Spots On Your Thighs'
ELDERLY2-SUPP- 'Carrying Bucket, Anvil, 2 Chickens, and a Goose'
HEAVEN1 file - 'The Hero Goes To Heaven'
HELL file - 'Biker Goes To Hell And Likes It'
MANNERS file - 'Worried Man Writes For Advice'
MONKEY file - 'College Girl Buys Monkey'
POLICE1 file - 'CHP Stops Fred'
PRIESTS3 file- 'The Priest And Turpentine'
QTS-COMED-SUP- 'Mark Lowry Comedy Video!!'
TAXES-SUPP - 'Mother Goose & Grimm'
Truck-BUS - 'Old Truck Driver At A Diner'
Wall Riding In India (S687 in Asian)
From: Wimp.com on 3/16/2010
and From: YouTube.som
Crazy Indian drivers are riding
cars and bikes round and
round on a wall in a dome like in a circus, 90 degrees
from the ground!! The two sources are different videos.
You can view the video at their sources, or at my two copies.
click 'HERE' for my copy
click 'HERE' for my copy
Subj: The Biker And The Suicide Jumper (S733)
From: allenbergman on 1/25/2011
A tough looking group of bikers
were riding when they saw
a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop. The leader,
a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you
"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear
insensitive, he didn't want
to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why
don't you give me a Kiss?"
So, she does and it was a long,
deep lingering kiss. After
she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss
I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You
could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"
"MC" Harley Ad (S515)
You can view this cute, dirty
video on my web site by
Subj: Drunk Insults Biker In Bar (S358b, S591)
From: Imogenelumen on 12/11/2003
and From: AFine963 on 5/14/2008
(Also see 'Drunk Insults Three Men At A Bar' in BAR2)
A drunken man walks into a biker
bar, sits down at the bar
and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees 3 men sitting
at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table,
leans over, looks at the biggest, meanest one in the face
and says, "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw
her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is a fine looking
The biker looks at him and doesn't
say a word. His buddies
are confused, because he is one bad biker, and would fight
at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again
and says, "I got it on with your grandma and she's good,
the best I ever had!"
The biker's buddies are starting
to get really mad, but the
biker still says nothing. The drunk leans on the table one
more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy,
your grandma liked it!"
At this point the biker stands
up, takes the drunk by the
shoulders and says, "Grandpa, you're drunk....... Go home!"
Italian Police On Motorcycles (S608d, S813)
From: tom on 8/29/2008
and From: kgilmour2000 on 8/6/2012
This video shows the Italian
police motorcycle unit's
precision drills of the 1950s. Their driving skills
are awesome. You can view the video at the above source,
or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Old Lady Joins Biker Club (S176)
From: thebartend on 6/13/00
A little old lady wanted to join
a biker club. She knocked
on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded
biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door. She
proclaims "I want to join your biker club".
The guy was amused and
told her that she needed to meet
certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join.
So the biker asks her "You have a bike?" The little old
lady says "Yea, thats my Harley over there" and points to a
Harley parked in the driveway.
The biker asks her "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady says
"Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of
cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting
The biker is impressed and asks
"Well, have you ever been
picked up by the Fuzz?".
The little old lady says "No,
I've never been picked up by
the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples".
Texting on a Motorcycle In India (S677b)
Click on the above source, or
for my copy,
to see this fearless, motorcycle driver in India.
Subj: Family Dinner And The Harley (S274b, S789)
From: From: DoctorDebt on 12/21/2005
and From: lubin100 on 2/23/2012
(See 'Vaseline Salesman And The Farmer' in VASELINE)
This is the joke that finally
made me decide to collect
jokes. After reading it, I deleted it and later wanted
to give it to Roger. After relocating the joke, I didn't
want to looks it again. I still think this joke is a
A young man name Steve has always
dreamed of owning a
Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough
money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out
the perfect bike the dealer asks if he would like the
extra chrome protection added to the bill. The young man
is upset because he does not have the extra money and is
now afraid that the chrome will rust as soon as it gets wet.
The dealer tells him not to worry.
There is an old biker
trick that will keep the chrome like new. All he has to do
is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome
before it rains and everything will be fine. The young man
happily pays for the bike and leaves.
A few months later Steve meets
a woman and falls in love.
She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner.
He readily agrees and the date is set.
At the appointed time he picks
her up on his Harley and
they ride to her parents house. Before they go in she
tells him, "No matter what happens at dinner tonight,
don't say a word. Our family had a fight a while ago
about doing dishes. We haven't done any since. The first
person to speak at dinner has to do them, all of them."
Steve sits down for dinner and
it is just how she described
it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen and
around the edge of the dining room. Nobody is saying a word.
After a delicious dinner everyone
sits in silence waiting
for the first person to break and get stuck doing the
dishes. After a long fifteen minutes the Steve decides to
speed things up so he reaches over and kisses the woman in
front of her family.
His girlfriend is upset, her
dad smiles, but no one says a
Emboldened, he slips his hand
under her blouse and fondles
her breasts. His girlfriend turns beet red, but a little
smile appears on her face.
Next he decides to take a more
direct approach so he throws
her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone.
His girlfriend is a badly flustered,
her dad is obviously
livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but
no one says a word...
A few minutes later he grabs
her mom, throws her on the
table and does a repeat performance. They have even
Now his girlfriend is furious,
her dad is boiling, and
her mother is a little happier. But still there is
complete silence at the table.
All of a sudden there is a loud
clap of thunder, and it
starts to rain. His first thought is to protect the
chrome on his Harley, so he gets his jacket, reaches in
his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline. Upon
witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away
from the table and screams, "Okay damnit I'll do the
Subj: Biker For Life!!!! (S899d)
Artwork by Aleksey Baydakov
in Florida Full Throttle Magazine
From: Diane J Swinehart on Facebook
Motorcycles only need their fluids
changed every 2,000 miles.
Motorcycles' curves never sag.
Motorcycles last longer.
Motorcycles don't get pregnant.
You can ride a Motorcycles any time of the month.
Motorcycles don't have parents.
Motorcycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
You can kick your Motorcycle to wake it up.
You can share your Motorcycle with your friends.
If your Motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.
You only need to get a new chain or belt for your Motorcycle
when the old one is _really_ worn.
If your Motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it.
Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles
you have ridden.
When riding, you and your Motorcycle both arrive
at the same time.
Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles
Motorcycles don't mind if you look at other Motorcycles,
or if you buy Motorcycle magazines.
New Motorcycles must be asked for, and if you don't want
to pay for them, you don't get them.
If your Motorcycle goes flat, you can fix it.
If your Motorcycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
If your Motorcycle is too soft, you can get different shocks.
If your Motorcycle is misaligned, you don't have to
discuss politics to correct it.
You can have a beer while riding your Motorcycle.
You can have a black Motorcycle and show it to your parents.
You don't have to be jealous of the guy that works
on your Motorcycle.
You don't have to deal with priests or blood-tests to
register your Motorcycle.
You don't have to convince your Motorcycle that you're a
motorcyclist and that you think that Motorcycles are equals.
If you say bad things to your Motorcycle, you don't have
to apologize before you can ride it again.
You can ride a Motorcycle as long as you want and it
won't get sore.
Your parents don't remain in touch with your old Motorcycle
after you dump it.
Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride.
Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a bad rider.
Your Motorcycle never wants a night out alone with
the other Motorcycles.
Motorcycles don't care if you are late.
You don't have to take a shower before riding your Motorcycle.
It's always OK to use tie downs on your Motorcycle.
If your Motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or
get better parts.
You can't get diseases from a Motorcycle you don't
know very well.
Blind Motorcyclist (S621)
Click 'HERE' to see this short, cute commercial.
The Biker And The Squirrel (S630b,d)
From the Book: Life Is A Road, Get On
It And Ride! by Daniel B. Meyer
This is a long enough article
that I made it a separate file.
To read it click 'HERE'.
Subj: Short Motorcycle Jokes
Subj: Bizarro Cartoon (S797)
By Dan Piraro
From: virv on 3/28/2012
Harley Limo Motorcycle (S738)
Favorite Biker Bar (S699b)
From: tom on 6/2/2010
Drawing from TextualCreations.ca...
BMW S1000 Removes Tablecloth (S687b)
From: Wimp.com on 3/7/2010
Photo from YouTube.com
Crazy Motorcycle Crash And Recovery
on 2/23/2010 (S684b,d)
Cop and Motorcyclist (S675b)
Why Did Police Stop Them? (S633)
From: tom on 9/19/2009
Or, "Why I love Barcelona!!!!!"
Riding Mower (S635c)
World's First Hybrid Motorcycle (S617c)
From: ginafm on 11/3/2008
Animated GIF from FreeFever.com...
Subj: Wild Old Motorcyclists (S430b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/22/2005
Motorcycle for Sale (S608c)
What To Do With An Old Airplane Engine
on 5/21/2008 (S592b)
Harley Davidson Outsourcing (S541c)
Harley Limo (S523c)
Family Motorcycle Ride (S502b)
Four Wheel Dirt Bike Picture (S502c)
Jamaican Motorcycle Accident Study (S472c)
Motorcyclist Gets Ticket (S452b)
Redneck Harley (S559c)
The first Harley Davidson motorcycle
built in 1903
used a tomato can for a carburetor.
From: humorlist-digest V1 #264 on 97-12-01
"People are more violently opposed to fur than leather,
because it's safer to pick on rich women than biker gangs."
From: auntieg on 98-12-09
Bikers are living proof that you can wear leather and
not look sexy. -- J. Wagner (Crabby Road)
From: smiles on 4/13/99
Seen on the back of a biker's vest:
If you can read this, my wife fell off.
Q: What's the difference between
a vacuum cleaner
and a Harley?
A: A vacuum cleaner can only carry *one* dirt-bag.
From: DoctorDebt on 6/1/2003 (S322b)
Q: What's the difference between a Hoover vacuum cleaner
and a Harley?
A: The position of the dirt bag.
...........................Smiley rides a cycle from Smiley_Central.