Subj: Motorcycle Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 20 jokes and articles)
Harley Rider
from
Accent on Animation
| >>>
Subj: Motorcycle Jokes (Gz) (Includes 20 jokes and articles) |
|
Harley Rider from Accent on Animation |
Also see ACCIDENT1
- 'Man
Has Three Accidents In One Day'
BANKING file - 'Biker
Wants To Open Checking Account'
CAR1 file - 'Super
Car And The Moped'
CARS3 file - 'Woman
w/Sick Kid Locks Keys In Car'
DOCTOR-SUPP - 'Having
Green Spots On Your Thighs'
ELDERLY2-SUPP- 'Carrying
Bucket, Anvil, 2 Chickens, and a Goose'
HEAVEN1 file - 'The
Hero Goes To Heaven'
HELL file - 'Biker
Goes To Hell And Likes It'
MANNERS file - 'Worried
Man Writes For Advice'
MONKEY file - 'College
Girl Buys Monkey'
PRIESTS3 file- 'The
Priest And Turpentine'
Truck-BUS - 'Old
Truck Driver At A Diner'
============================================================Top
| Subj:
"MC" Harley Ad (S515)
From: darrell94590 on 11/28/2006 |
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You can view this cute, dirty
movie on my web site by
clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: Drunk
Insults Biker In Bar (S358b, S591)
From: Imogenelumen on 12/11/2003
and
From: AFine963 on 5/14/2008
(Also see 'Drunk Insults
Three Men At A Bar' in BAR2)
A drunken man walks into a biker
bar, sits down at the bar
and orders a drink. Looking
around, he sees 3 men sitting
at a corner table. He
gets up, staggers to the table,
leans over, looks at the biggest,
meanest one in the face
and says, "I went by your grandma's
house today and I saw
her in the hallway buck naked.
Man, she is a fine looking
woman!"
The biker looks at him and doesn't
say a word. His buddies
are confused, because he is
one bad biker, and would fight
at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again
and says, "I got it on with
your grandma and she's good,
the best I ever had!"
The biker's buddies are starting
to get really mad, but the
biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one
more time and says, "I'll tell
you something else, boy,
your grandma liked it!"
At this point the biker stands
up, takes the drunk by the
shoulders and says, "Grandpa,
you're drunk....... Go home!"
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Subj: Old
Lady Joins Biker Club (S176)
From: thebartend on 6/13/00
A little old lady wanted to join
a biker club. She knocked
on the door of a local biker
club and a big, hairy, bearded
biker with tattoos all over
his arms answers the door. She
proclaims "I want to join your
biker club".
The guy was amused and
told her that she needed to meet
certain biker requirements before
she was allowed to join.
So the biker asks her "You have
a bike?" The little old
lady says "Yea, thats my Harley
over there" and points to a
Harley parked in the driveway.
The biker asks her "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady says
"Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of
cigarettes a day and a couple
of cigars while I'm shooting
pool".
The biker is impressed and asks
"Well, have you ever been
picked up by the Fuzz?".
The little old lady says "No,
I've never been picked up by
the fuzz, but I've been swung
around by my nipples".
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Subj: Family
Dinner And The Harley (S274d, S466)
From: The Bartender Joke Of The Day on 07/05/97
and
From: DoctorDebt on 12/21/2005
(See 'Vaseline
Salesman And The Farmer' in VASELINE)
This is the joke that finally
made me decide to collect
jokes. After reading it,
I deleted it and later wanted
to give it to Roger. After
relocating the joke, I didn't
want to looks it again.
I still think this joke is a
classic.
A young man name Steve has always
dreamed of owning a
Harley Davidson. One day
he has finally saved up enough
money so he goes down to the
dealer. After picking out
the perfect bike the dealer
asks if he would like the
extra chrome protection added
to the bill. The young man
is upset because he does not
have the extra money and is
now afraid that the chrome will
rust as soon as it gets wet.
The dealer tells him not to worry.
There is an old biker
trick that will keep the chrome
like new. All he has to do
is to keep a jar of vaseline
handy and put it on the chrome
before it rains and everything
will be fine. The young man
happily pays for the bike and
leaves.
A few months later Steve meets
a woman and falls in love.
She asks him to come home and
meet her parents over dinner.
He readily agrees and the date
is set.
At the appointed time he picks
her up on his Harley and
they ride to her parents house.
Before they go in she
tells him, "No matter what happens
at dinner tonight,
don't say a word. Our
family had a fight a while ago
about doing dishes. We
haven't done any since. The first
person to speak at dinner has
to do them, all of them."
Steve sits down for dinner and
it is just how she described
it. Dishes are piled up to the
ceiling in the kitchen and
around the edge of the dining
room. Nobody is saying a word.
After a delicious dinner everyone
sits in silence waiting
for the first person to break
and get stuck doing the
dishes. After a long fifteen
minutes the Steve decides to
speed things up so he reaches
over and kisses the woman in
front of her family.
His girlfriend is upset, her
dad smiles, but no one says a
word...
Emboldened, he slips his hand
under her blouse and fondles
her breasts. His girlfriend
turns beet red, but a little
smile appears on her face.
Next he decides to take a more
direct approach so he throws
her on the table and has sex
with her in front of everyone.
His girlfriend is a badly flustered,
her dad is obviously
livid, and her mom horrified
when he sits back down, but
no one says a word...
A few minutes later he grabs
her mom, throws her on the
table and does a repeat performance.
They have even
wilder sex.
Now his girlfriend is furious,
her dad is boiling, and
her mother is a little happier.
But still there is
complete silence at the table.
All of a sudden there is a loud
clap of thunder, and it
starts to rain. His first
thought is to protect the
chrome on his Harley, so he
gets his jacket, reaches in
his pocket and pulls out his
jar of Vaseline. Upon
witnessing this, his girlfriend's
father backs away
from the table and screams,
"Okay damnit I'll do the
dishes!"
\\\//
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Subj: Wild
Old Motorcyclists (S430b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/22/2005
Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20050322
 |
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Subj: Why
Motorcycles Are Better Than Women
Motorcycles only need their fluids
changed every 2,000 miles.
Motorcycles' curves never sag.
Motorcycles last longer.
Motorcycles don't get pregnant.
You can ride a Motorcycles any
time of the month.
Motorcycles don't have parents.
Motorcycles don't whine unless
something is really wrong.
You can kick your Motorcycle
to wake it up.
You can share your Motorcycle
with your friends.
If your Motorcycle makes too
much noise, you can buy a muffler.
You only need to get a new chain
or belt for your Motorcycle
when the old one
is _really_ worn.
If your Motorcycle smokes, you
can do something about it.
Motorcycles don't care about
how many other Motorcycles
you have ridden.
When riding, you and your Motorcycle
both arrive
at the same time.
Motorcycles don't care about
how many other Motorcycles
you have.
Motorcycles don't mind if you
look at other Motorcycles,
or if you buy Motorcycle
magazines.
New Motorcycles must be asked
for, and if you don't want
to pay for them,
you don't get them.
If your Motorcycle goes flat,
you can fix it.
If your Motorcycle is too loose,
you can tighten it.
If your Motorcycle is too soft,
you can get different shocks.
If your Motorcycle is misaligned,
you don't have to
discuss politics
to correct it.
You can have a beer while riding
your Motorcycle.
You can have a black Motorcycle
and show it to your parents.
You don't have to be jealous
of the guy that works
on your Motorcycle.
You don't have to deal with
priests or blood-tests to
register your Motorcycle.
You don't have to convince your
Motorcycle that you're a
motorcyclist and
that you think that Motorcycles are equals.
If you say bad things to your
Motorcycle, you don't have
to apologize before
you can ride it again.
You can ride a Motorcycle as
long as you want and it
won't get sore.
Your parents don't remain in
touch with your old Motorcycle
after you dump
it.
Motorcycles always feel like
going for a ride.
Motorcycles don't insult you
if you are a bad rider.
Your Motorcycle never wants
a night out alone with
the other Motorcycles.
Motorcycles don't care if you
are late.
You don't have to take a shower
before riding your Motorcycle.
It's always OK to use tie downs
on your Motorcycle.
If your Motorcycle doesn't look
good, you can paint it or
get better parts.
You can't get diseases from
a Motorcycle you don't
know very well.
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| Subj:
The Biker And The Squirrel (S454b)
From the Book: Life Is A Road, Get On It And Ride! by Daniel B. Meyer |
 |
This is a long enough article
that I made it a seperate file.
To read it click 'HERE'.
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Subj: Short
Motorcycle Jokes
| Subj:
What To Do With An Old Airplane Engine (S592b)
From: rfslick on 5/21/2008 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Harley Davidson Outsourcing (S541c)
From: darrell94590 on 5/22/2007 |
| Subj:
Harley Limo (S523c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/26/2007 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Family Motorcycle Ride (S502b)
From: darrell94590 on 9/6/2006 |
| Subj:
Four Wheel Dirt Bike Picture (S502c)
From: darrell94590 on 9/1/2007 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Jamaican Motorcycle Accident Study (S472c)
From: darrell94590 on 1/25/2006 |
| Subj:
Motorcyclist Gets Ticket (S452b)
From: darrell94590 on 9/14/2005 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Redneck Harley (S559c)
From: momndadac on 10/1/2007 |
The first Harley Davidson motorcycle
built in 1903
used a tomato can for a carburetor.
From: humorlist-digest V1 #264 on 97-12-01
"People are more violently opposed
to fur than leather,
because it's safer to pick on
rich women than biker gangs."
From: auntieg on 98-12-09
Bikers are living proof that
you can wear leather and
not look sexy. -- J. Wagner
(Crabby Road)
From: smiles on 4/13/99
Seen on the back of a biker's
vest:
If you can read this, my wife
fell off.
Q: What's the difference between
a vacuum cleaner
and a Harley?
A: A vacuum cleaner can only
carry *one* dirt-bag.
From: DoctorDebt on 6/1/2003 (S322b)
Q: What's the difference between
a Hoover vacuum cleaner
and a Harley?
A: The position of the dirt
bag.
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Smiley rides a cycle from
Smiley_Central |