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Subj:     Motorcycle Jokes 
                 (Includes 38 jokes and articles, 29932,30,cf,md4w,23)

Harley Rider
from
Accent on Animation
Includes the following:  Next Harley Generation - Drawing (S917)
.........................Wall Riding In India - 2 Video (S687)
.........................The Biker And The Suicide Jumper (S733)
........................."MC" Harley Ad - Video (S515)
.........................Drunk Insults Biker In Bar (S358b, S591)
.........................Italian Police On Motorcycles - Video (S608, S813)
.........................Old Lady Joins Biker Club (S176)
.........................Texting on a Motorcycle In India - Video (S677b)
.........................Family Dinner And The Harley (S274, S789)
.........................Biker For Life!!!! - Painting (S899)
.........................Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Women
.........................Blind Motorcyclist - Video/Ad (S621)
.........................Harley Christmas Stockings - Photo (S932)
.........................The Biker And The Squirrel (S454b, S630b)
.........................Short Motorcycle Jokes
..............................Bizarro Cartoon (S797)
..............................Harley Limo Motorcycle (S738)
..............................Favorite Biker Bar (S699b)
..............................BMW S1000 Removes Tablecloth (S687b)
..............................Crazy Motorcycle Crash And Recovery - Video (S684b)
..............................Motorcycling With Your Babe - Photo (S918)
..............................Cop and Motorcyclist (S675b)
..............................Why Did Police Stop Them? (S663)
..............................Riding Mower (S635c)
..............................World's First Hybrid Motorcycle (S617c)
..............................Wild Old Motorcyclists - GIF (S430b)
..............................Motorcycle for Sale (S608c)
..............................What To Do With An Old Airplane Engine (S592b)
..............................Harley Davidson Outsourcing - PPS (S541c)
..............................Harley Limo (S523c)
..............................Family Motorcycle Ride (S502b)
..............................Four Wheel Dirt Bike Picture (S502c)
..............................Jamaican Motorcycle Accident Study (S472c)
..............................Motorcyclist Gets Ticket - Picture (S452b)
..............................Redneck Harley (S559c)

Also see ACCIDENT1    - 'Man Has Three Accidents In One Day'
         BANKING file - 'Biker Wants To Open Checking Account'
         CANADIAN file- 'The Protector'
         CAR1 file    - 'Super Car And The Moped'
         CARS3 file   - 'Woman w/Sick Kid Locks Keys In Car'
         DIFFERENCES3 - 'Her Story And His Story'
         DOCTOR-SUPP  - 'Having Green Spots On Your Thighs'
         ELDERLY2-SUPP- 'Carrying Bucket, Anvil, 2 Chickens, and a Goose'
         HEAVEN1 file - 'The Hero Goes To Heaven'
         HELL file    - 'Biker Goes To Hell And Likes It'
         MANNERS file - 'Worried Man Writes For Advice'
         MONKEY file  - 'College Girl Buys Monkey'
         POLICE1 file - 'CHP Stops Fred'
         PRIESTS3 file- 'The Priest And Turpentine'
         QTS-COMED-SUP- 'Mark Lowry Comedy Video!!'
         TAXES-SUPP   - 'Mother Goose & Grimm'
         Truck-BUS    - 'Old Truck Driver At A Diner'
============================================================Top
Subj:     Next Harley Generation (S917)
          From: Laney Huda on Facebook
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/harleysforheroes/photos/a.10297722
.........6469060.2772.102924236474359/516157495151029/?type=1&theater
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Top
Subj:     Wall Riding In India (S687d2 in Asian)
          From: Wimp.com on 3/16/2010
      and From: YouTube.som

 Crazy Indian drivers are riding cars and bikes round and
 round on a wall in a dome like in a circus, 90 degrees
 from the ground!!  The two sources are different videos.
 You can view the video at their sources, or at my two copies.
 
Source1: http://www.wimp.com/wallriding/
or
click 'HERE' for my copy
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Source2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcdlGjAP0xs
or
click 'HERE' for my copy

Top
Subj:     The Biker And The Suicide Jumper (S733)
          From: allenbergman on 1/25/2011

 A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw
 a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop.  The leader,
 a big burly man, gets off his bike and says,  "What are you
 doing?"

 "I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.

 While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want
 to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why
 don't you give me a Kiss?"

 So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.  After
 she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss
 I have ever had.  That's a real talent you are wasting.  You
 could be famous.  Why are you committing suicide?"

 "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

Top
Subj:     "MC" Harley Ad (S515d)
          From: darrell94590
          on 11/28/2006

 You can view this cute, dirty video on my web site by
 clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Drunk Insults Biker In Bar (S358b, S591)
          From: Imogenelumen on 12/11/2003
      and From: AFine963 on 5/14/2008
          (Also see 'Drunk Insults Three Men At A Bar' in BAR2)

 A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar
 and orders a drink.  Looking around, he sees 3 men sitting
 at a corner table.  He gets up, staggers to the table,
 leans over, looks at the biggest, meanest one in the face
 and says, "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw
 her in the hallway buck naked.  Man, she is a fine looking
 woman!"

 The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.  His buddies
 are confused, because he is one bad biker, and would fight
 at the drop of a hat.  The drunk leans on the table again
 and says, "I got it on with your grandma and she's good,
 the best I ever had!"

 The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad, but the
 biker still says nothing.  The drunk leans on the table one
 more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy,
 your grandma liked it!"

 At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the
 shoulders and says, "Grandpa, you're drunk....... Go home!"

Top
Subj:     Italian Police On Motorcycles (S608d, S813)
          From: tom on 8/29/2008
      and From: kgilmour2000 on 8/6/2012
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrLvYrKYVD8

 This video shows the Italian police motorcycle unit's
 precision drills of the 1950s. Their driving skills
 are awesome.  You can view the video at the above source,
 or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Old Lady Joins Biker Club (S176)
          From: thebartend on 6/13/00

 A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.  She knocked
 on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded
 biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.  She
 proclaims "I want to join your biker club".

 The guy was amused and  told her that she needed to meet
 certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join.
 So the biker asks her "You have a bike?"  The little old
 lady says "Yea, thats my Harley over there" and points to a
 Harley parked in the driveway.

 The biker asks her "Do you smoke?"

 The little old lady  says "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of
 cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting
 pool".

 The biker is impressed and asks "Well, have you ever been
 picked up by the Fuzz?".

 The little old lady says "No, I've never been picked up by
 the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples".

Top
Subj:     Texting on a Motorcycle In India (S677b,d)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 12/31/2009
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klteYv1Uv9A

 Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy,
 to see this fearless, motorcycle driver in India.

Top
Subj:     Family Dinner And The Harley (S274b, S789)
          From: From: DoctorDebt on 12/21/2005
      and From: lubin100 on 2/23/2012
          (See 'Vaseline Salesman And The Farmer' in VASELINE)

 This is the joke that finally made me decide to collect
 jokes.  After reading it, I deleted it and later wanted
 to give it to Roger.  After relocating the joke, I didn't
 want to looks it again.  I still think this joke is a
 classic.

 A young man name Steve has always dreamed of owning a
 Harley Davidson.  One day he has finally saved up enough
 money so he goes down to the dealer.  After picking out
 the perfect bike the dealer asks if he would like the
 extra chrome protection added to the bill.  The young man
 is upset because he does not have the extra money and is
 now afraid that the chrome will rust as soon as it gets wet.

 The dealer tells him not to worry.  There is an old biker
 trick that will keep the chrome like new.  All he has to do
 is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome
 before it rains and everything will be fine.  The young man
 happily pays for the bike and leaves.

 A few months later Steve meets a woman and falls in love.
 She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner.
 He readily agrees and the date is set.

 At the appointed time he picks her up on his Harley and
 they ride to her parents house.  Before they go in she
 tells him, "No matter what happens at dinner tonight,
 don't say a word.  Our family had a fight a while ago
 about doing dishes.  We haven't done any since.  The first
 person to speak at dinner has to do them, all of them."

 Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described
 it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen and
 around the edge of the dining room.  Nobody is saying a word.

 After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting
 for the first person to break and get stuck doing the
 dishes.  After a long fifteen minutes the Steve decides to
 speed things up so he reaches over and kisses the woman in
 front of her family.

 His girlfriend is upset, her dad smiles, but no one says a
 word...

 Emboldened, he slips his hand under her blouse and fondles
 her breasts. His girlfriend turns beet red, but a little
 smile appears on her face.

 Next he decides to take a more direct approach so he throws
 her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone.

 His girlfriend is a badly flustered, her dad is obviously
 livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but
 no one says a word...

 A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the
 table and does a repeat performance.  They have even
 wilder sex.

 Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and
 her mother is a little happier.  But still there is
 complete silence at the table.

 All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it
 starts to rain.  His first thought is to protect the
 chrome on his Harley, so he gets his jacket, reaches in
 his pocket and pulls out his jar of  Vaseline.  Upon
 witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away
 from the table and screams, "Okay damnit I'll do the
 dishes!"

Top
Subj:     Biker For Life!!!! (S899d)
          Artwork by Aleksey Baydakov
          in Florida Full Throttle Magazine
          From: Diane J Swinehart on Facebook
 Source1: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/426505027182897014/
 Source2: https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-
..........ash3/t31/1658138_10152281703565864_200134299_o.jpg
.

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Click 
 to see the full enlargement.
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Top
Subj:     Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Women

 Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2,000 miles.
 Motorcycles' curves never sag.
 Motorcycles last longer.
 Motorcycles don't get pregnant.
 You can ride a Motorcycles any time of the month.
 Motorcycles don't have parents.
 Motorcycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
 You can kick your Motorcycle to wake it up.
 You can share your Motorcycle with your friends.
 If your Motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.
 You only need to get a new chain or belt for your Motorcycle
    when the old one is _really_ worn.
 If your Motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it.
 Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles
    you have ridden.
 When riding, you and your Motorcycle both arrive
    at the same time.
 Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles
    you have.
 Motorcycles don't mind if you look at other Motorcycles,
    or if you buy Motorcycle magazines.
 New Motorcycles must be asked for, and if you don't want
    to pay for them, you don't get them.
 If your Motorcycle goes flat, you can fix it.
 If your Motorcycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
 If your Motorcycle is too soft, you can get different shocks.
 If your Motorcycle is misaligned, you don't have to
    discuss politics to correct it.
 You can have a beer while riding your Motorcycle.
 You can have a black Motorcycle and show it to your parents.
 You don't have to be jealous of the guy that works
    on your Motorcycle.
 You don't have to deal with priests or blood-tests to
    register your Motorcycle.
 You don't have to convince your Motorcycle that you're a
    motorcyclist and that you think that Motorcycles are equals.
 If you say bad things to your Motorcycle, you don't have
    to apologize before you can ride it again.
 You can ride a Motorcycle as long as you want and it
    won't get sore.
 Your parents don't remain in touch with your old Motorcycle
    after you dump it.
 Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride.
 Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a bad rider.
 Your Motorcycle never wants a night out alone with
    the other Motorcycles.
 Motorcycles don't care if you are late.
 You don't have to take a shower before riding your Motorcycle.
 It's always OK to use tie downs on your Motorcycle.
 If your Motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or
    get better parts.
 You can't get diseases from a Motorcycle you don't
    know very well.

Top
Subj:     Blind Motorcyclist (S621d)
          From: mauryschu
          on 12/4/2008

 Click 'HERE' to see this short, cute Lotto commercial.

Top
Subj:     Harley Christmas Stockings (S932)
          From: Sherri Madsen on Facebook
 Source: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/f5/
.........3f/af/f53faf36afc3e471c76ea4ccaff3c6f5.jpg
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Top
Subj:     The Biker And The Squirrel (S630b,d)
          From the Book: Life Is A Road, Get On
               It And Ride! by Daniel B. Meyer
          Source: http://www.valkyrieriders.com
          From: tnkr on 10/16/2005
      and From: LABLaughsClean on 9/23/2005 and 1/10/2009

 This is a long enough article that I made it a separate file.
 To read it click 'HERE'.


Subj:     Short Motorcycle Jokes
 

Top
Subj:     Bizarro Cartoon (S797)
          By Dan Piraro
          From: virv on 3/28/2012
 Source: http://logo.cafepress.com/5/7981181.4693045.jpg
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Top
Subj:     Harley Limo Motorcycle (S738)
          From: lubin100
          on 3/4/2011
 Click 'HERE' to see this very classy limo ride.
 

Top
Subj:     Favorite Biker Bar (S699b)
          From: tom on 6/2/2010
Drawing from TextualCreations.ca...
 I called your house the other day and was told you were
 down at your favorite biker bar with some friends.  I
 wasn't sure where that was, but was told I wouldn't
 have much trouble finding it.  Sure enough, I drove
 just a couple blocks and there it was.  Click 'HERE'
 for the full story.
 

Top
Subj:     BMW S1000 Removes Tablecloth (S687b,d)
          From: Wimp.com on 3/7/2010
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source1: http://www.wimp.com/motorcycletablecloth/
 Source2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_fSKOWaCy8
 This video takes the parlor trick of pulling the
 tablecloth off the dining room and leaving the
 table still set to a whole new level.  Click on
 either above sources, or 'HERE' for my copy, to
 see this cute stunt.
 

Top
Subj:     Crazy Motorcycle Crash And Recovery
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 2/23/2010 (S684b,d)
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vf7g2n8LVDU
 All the comments on YouTube.com said that this video
 was a fake.  Click on the above source, or 'HERE'
 for my copy and decide for yourself.
 

Top
Subj:     Motorcycling With Your Babe (S918)
          From: Melissa Weers from Facebook
 Source: http://www.theopticalvisionsite.com/eye-cant-believe-
.........it/opti-fun-motorcycle-sidecar-cow-in-eye-goggles/
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Top
Subj:     Cop and Motorcyclist (S675b)
          From: tom
          on 12/18/2009
 Click 'HERE' to read about a cop stopping and helping
 a stranded motorcyclist.
 

Top
Subj:     Why Did Police Stop Them? (S633)
          From: tom on 9/19/2009
 Or, "Why I love Barcelona!!!!!"
 Click 'HERE' to see these six photos of a motorcycle
 ride through Barcelona, Spain.
 

Top
Subj:     Riding Mower (S635c)
          From: LABLaughsClean
          on 2/11/2009
 Source: http://www.buffaloschips.com/50238.htm
 Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy,
 of this cute toy.
 

Top
Subj:     World's First Hybrid Motorcycle (S617c)
          From: ginafm on 11/3/2008
Animated GIF from FreeFever.com...
 Source: http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_may2006/1stHybridMotorcycle.htm
 The price of gasoline on the rise has contributed to the
 growing sales of hybrid Cars.  Only stands to reason that
 someone would invent a Hybrid Motorcycle!  You can view
 this amazing invention at the above source, or on my web
 site by clicking 'HERE'.

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Top
Subj:     Wild Old Motorcyclists (S430b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/22/2005
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20050322
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Top
Subj:     Motorcycle for Sale (S608c)
          From: ginafm
          on 8/30/2008
 You can read this cute sales ad by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:    What To Do With An Old Airplane Engine
         From: rfslick
         on 5/21/2008 (S592b)
 What to do with an old aircraft engine.....if you have
 enough money....  Click 'HERE' to view the picture.
 

Top
Subj:     Harley Davidson Outsourcing (S541c)
          From: darrell94590
          on 5/22/2007
 This cute, 2,200 KB Power Point Show compares Harleys made
 in America to those made in India.  Click 'HERE' to compare.
 

Top
Subj:     Harley Limo (S523c)
          From: LABLaughsClean
          on 1/26/2007
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C19930806
 You can view the Harley Limo at the source above, or on my
 web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Family Motorcycle Ride (S502b)
          From: darrell94590
          on 9/6/2006
 To view this unusual picture on my web site click 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Four Wheel Dirt Bike Picture (S502c)
          From: darrell94590
          on 9/1/2007
 To view this interesting dirt bike picture click 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Jamaican Motorcycle Accident Study (S472c)
          From: darrell94590
          on 1/25/2006
 You can view this cute web page on my web site by clicking
 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Motorcyclist Gets Ticket (S452b)
          From: darrell94590
          on 9/14/2005
 You can view this cute picture on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:    Redneck Harley (S559c)
          From: momndadac
          on 10/1/2007
 You can see this unusual picture on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

 The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903
 used a tomato can for a carburetor.

From: humorlist-digest V1 #264 on 97-12-01
 "People are more violently opposed to fur than leather,
 because it's safer to pick on rich women than biker gangs."

From: auntieg on 98-12-09
 Bikers are living proof that you can wear leather and
 not look sexy.  -- J. Wagner (Crabby Road)

From: smiles on 4/13/99
 Seen on the back of a biker's vest:
 If you can read this, my wife fell  off.

 Q: What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner
    and a Harley?
 A: A vacuum cleaner can only carry *one* dirt-bag.

From: DoctorDebt on 6/1/2003 (S322b)
 Q: What's the difference between a Hoover vacuum cleaner
    and a Harley?
 A: The position of the dirt bag.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
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...........................From Smiley_Central.
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