>>> Subj:     Bar2 Jokes (Gz)                  (Includes 6 jokes and articles)

Man Drinks from Accent on Animation

BAR1 are others bar jokes and short bar jokes
BAR2 are "A guy walks into a bar" jokes
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Subj:     Piano Player Wanted In A Bar (S586b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/10/2008

 He was a ragged looking old man who shuffled into the bar
 that afternoon.  Stinking of whiskey and cigarettes, his
 hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign
 from the window and gave it to the bartender. "I'd like
 to apply for the job," he said.  The bar-keep wasn't too
 sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been
 awhile since he had a player and business was falling off.

 "What do you do?" he asked.

 "I used to be a F-4 fighter pilot in Vietnam," was the
 answer. Now, really unsure, the bar-keep decided to give
 him a try...he really needed more business. "The piano
 is over there...give it a go." The old man staggered his
 way over to the piano and several patrons snickered. But,
 by the time he was into the third bar of music, every
 voice was silenced.  What followed was a rhapsody of
 sound and music unlike anyone had ever heard in the bar
 before.  When he finished, there wasn't a dry eye in the
 place.  The bartender brought the old guy a beer and said
 that he sounded really,really good. "What do you call
 that?" he asked.  "It's called "Drop YourPanties, Baby,
 We're Gonna Rock Tonight," said the old pilot as he took
 along pull from the beer.

 "I got another," ...and he began to play again.  What
 followed was a knee-slappin', hand-clappin' bit of
 ragtime that had the place jumping.  People were coming
 in from the streets to hear this guy play.  After he
 finished, the pilot acknowledged  the applause and told
 the crowd that the song was called "Big Boobs Make My
 Afterburner Dance."  He then excused himself as he
 lurched off to the men's room.  After thinking a bit,
 the bartender decided to hire the guy, no matter how bad
 he looked,  or what his songs were called.  When the guy
 came out of the men's room, the bartender went over to
 tell him he had the job, but noticed that the old fighter
 pilot's  fly was undone and his member was hanging out.
 He said, "The job is yours, but first I got to ask, do
 you know your fly is open and your dick is hanging out?

 "Know it?" "Hell, I wrote it!" the pilot replied.

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Sportsman's Double (S538b)
          From: edapsmas on 5/9/2007

 I met a woman at a bar last night.  She wasn't bad for 57,
 we drank  and bullshitted a bit, then she asked if I'd
 ever had the 'sportsman's  double', a mother and daughter
 threesome?

 I said "No."

 We drank a bit more,  then she said that tonight was my
 lucky night.  We went back to her place.  She put the
 hall light on and shouted upstairs: "Mom you still awake?"

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Old Lady At A Cruise Ship Bar (S525c)
          From: AFine963 on 2/7/2007

 A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch
 with two drops of water.  As the bartender gives her the drink
 she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday
 and it's today.."

 The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy
 you a drink.  In fact, this one is on me."

 As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says,
 "I would like to buy you a drink, too."

 The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch
 with two drops of water."

 "Coming up," says the bartender.

 As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would
 like to buy you one, too"

 The old woman says, "Thank you.  Bartender, I want another
 Scotch with two drops of water."

 "Coming right up," the bartender says.

 As he gives her the drink, he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of
 curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"

 The old woman replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you've
 learned how to hold your liquor.  Holding your water,
 however, is a whole other issue."

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Drinks After Mining Accident (S493c)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 6/30/2006

 There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed.
 One of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster
 went into the local watering hole.

 The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other
 end of the bar.  "Hey bartender" said the Engineer, "I'll
 have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the
 end there."

 The bartender responded, "I'm sorry sir but that guy's a
 commie and we don't serve his kind around here."

 "Well, you'd better because if it weren't for that guy,
 I wouldn't be here.  You remember that mine that caved in,
 well I was in that mine and so was that guy.  When the
 last of us were escaping, he held the roof of the mine
 up with his head!  So get him a beer and if you don't
 believe me, look at the top of his head and you'll see
 that it's flat from holding the roof up."

 The bartender skeptically served the commie his beer and
 then came back to talk to the Engineer:

 "I saw the flat spot on his head but I also couldn't help
 noticing the bruising under his chin.  What is that all
 about?"

 The engineer responded: "Oh...that's where we put the jack."

                            \\\//
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Subj:     High-Tec Bar With Robot (S489)
          From: chessofnerd on 6/8/2006

 A man walked into a very high-tec bar.  As he sat down
 on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot.
 The robot clicked to attention and asked "Sir, what will
 you have?"

 The man thought a moment then replied "A martini please".

 The robot clicked a  couple of times and mixed the best
 martini the man had ever had.  The robot then asked "sir,
 what  is your IQ?"

 The man answered "oh, about 164."

 The  robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of
 relativity' 'inter-steller space travel' 'the latest
 medical break  throughs' etc........ The man was most
 impressed.

 He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact.
 He returned and took a seat.  Again the robot clicked and
 asked what he would have?

 'A martini please'

 Again it was  surpurb.  The robot again asked "what is your
 IQ sir?'

 This time the man answered "Oh about 100".

 So the robot started discussing Nascar racing, the latest
 basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do
 this week end.

 The guy  had to try it one more time.  So he left, returned
 and took a stool.  Again a martimi, and the question "What
 is your IQ?"

 This time the man drawled out " Uh..... bout 50".

 The  robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked
 " A-r-e  Y-o-u-r  p-e-o-p-l-e  g-o-i-n-g  t-o n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e
 H-i-l-l-a-r-y-?

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Short Bar Jokes

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Subj:     The Difference Between A Norwegian And A Canoe (S573 - Swedish)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 1/7/2008
 Lars, the bartender, asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference
 between a Norwegian and a canoe?" "No, I don't," answered
 Ole. "A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars.
 

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Subj: Rabbi, Priest, And Preacher Go Into A Bar       From: LABLaughsClean (S491b)       on 6/6/2006

 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C19950904
 I don't know if this funny, but I had to include in on my
 web site because it was there.  Click 'HERE' to view it.

                            \\\//
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Smilies drink too much from Stormfront White Nationalist Community

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