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>>>
Subj:     Bar2 Jokes
                 (Includes 45 jokes, 09 1117,5,cf,wYT2a7a,1)
..........L5 Update
          Click "Here" for Bar-Supp

Bartender from
Animated Cliparts
Contains the following:  A Neutron Walks Into A Bar... (S884 in Supp)
.........................Siamese Twins Walk In To A Bar.... (S973 in Supp)
.........................A Cowboy, A Muslim and A Indian (S1023 in Supp)
.........................Schrodinger's Cat Walks Into A Bar - Button (DU in Supp)
.........................This Guy walks Into A Bar.... (S805 in Supp)
.........................Funny Bar Jokes As Videos (S872 in Supp)
............................Season 3 Ep.27 - Magic Apples
............................Season 2 Ep.15 - Where's The Manager?
............................Season 1 Ep. 2 - Your Mom
............................Season 1 Ep. 7 - Familiar Faces
.........................Drinking A Waterloo (S683b in Supp)
.........................A Drunk And A Lesbian In A Bar (S634c in Supp)
.........................Two Guys In Bar Discuss Wives II (S621c in Supp)
.........................Wine Opener - Video (S507c in Supp)
.........................Piano Player Wanted In A Bar (S586b in Supp)
.........................Sportsman's Double (S538b in Supp)
.........................Old Lady At A Cruise Ship Bar (S525c in Supp)
.........................Andy Capp Comic Strip (622c)
.........................Drinks After Mining Accident (S493c in Supp)
.........................High-Tech Bar With Robot (S489 in Supp)
.........................Bartender Tricks - Video (S746 in Supp)
.........................Strongest Man Contest (S285 in Supp)
.........................Man With Hand Phone Goes Into A Bar (in Supp)
.........................Pissing On The Bar (S330 in Supp)
.........................Non Sequitur Cartoon (S1015 in Supp)
.........................Man And The Barrel Behind The Bar (in Supp)
.........................Picking Up An Older Woman In A Bar (n Supp)
.........................Guy Orders Expensive Drinks (in Supp)
.........................
.........................Bizarro's Escher's Pub Cartoon (S843)
.........................Woman Rubs Barman's Facial Hair (S57)
.........................Drunk Insults Three Men At A Bar (S110)
.........................Four Ladies Pay Dancer (S210, DU)
.........................Sad Drunk At A Bar (S193)
.........................Non Sequitur Cartoon (S925)
.........................Two Guys In Bar Discuss Wives (S322b)
.........................Two Husbands In Bar Discuss 'Going Home' (S176)
.........................Drunk Refused Drink At Bar (S175)
.........................Mickey And The Barmaid Bet (S174)
.........................How's Waldo? - Drawing (S889)
.........................Man Wears Special Watch To Bar (S137)
.........................Truck Driver Takes Little Man's Drink (S223, DU)
.........................The Drunk And The Ballerina (S209)
.........................Three Ladies Give Husbands Nick Names (S212)
.........................New Bar Opening In New Orleans - Web Page w/Photo (S453)
.........................Bar Contest For Jar Of Tens (S08)
.........................Man Brings 1 Foot Pianist To Bar (S128)
.........................A Man And His Pocket At Bar (S225)
.........................Two Triple Martinis At A Bar (S23)
.........................Non Sequitur Cartoon II (S1115)
                         Short Bar Jokes
............................Witty Restaurant/Bar Signs (S868 in Supp)
...............................Sweet Dreams - Cheese Sign (S888)
...............................Coffee Time Beam Me Up Scotty (S893)
...............................Your Beliefs Don't Make You A Better Person (S907)
...............................Booze And Calculus Don't Mix (S910)
...............................It's a Whiskey Business! (S914)
...............................Bar Chemistry Sign (DU)
...............................Are You Cold - Sign (S934)
...............................No Wifi - Sign (DU)
...............................Stare At Your Phone - Sign (S960)
...............................Skinny People - Sign (S965)
...............................Ex-Girlfriend's Heart - Sign (S979)
...............................Love At 2 AM - Sign (S979)
...............................Eat Bacon - Sign (S990)
...............................America Britain Competition - Sign (S1016)
...............................Trump Sandwich - Sign (S1023)
...............................New PussyCat - Sign (S1117)
............................Man With A Gun Goes Into A Bar (S971 in Supp)
............................Husband Day Care Center (S812 in Supp)
............................Went To The Bar Last Night (S785 in Supp)
............................Shoe Sunday Comic Strip (S748 in Supp)
............................Two Old Guys In A Bar (S778 in Supp)
............................Bad Grammar Coffee Mug (S886 in Supp)
............................Rogers Political Cartoons (S723 in Supp)
............................Favorite Biker Bar (S699b in Supp)
............................The Difference Between A Norwegian And A Canoe (S573-Sup)
............................Rabbi, Priest, And Preacher Go Into A Bar (S491b in Supp)
............................__, __, __, And __ Walk Into A Bar (S851 in Supp)
............................
............................Buying A Lady A Drink (S478c)
............................Gynecologist Invents Drink (S371)
............................Man Orders A Bush Beer (S335b)
............................Woman With Skin-Tight Pants In Bar (S265c)
............................Hamburger Goes Into A Bar (S235)
............................String Goes Into A Bar (S308b)
............................Exchanging Insults At A Bar
............................Nude Woman Goes Into A Bar

BAR1 are others bar jokes and short bar jokes
BAR2 are "A guy walks into a bar" jokes
============================================================Top
Subj:     Bizarro's Escher's Pub Cartoon (S843)
          By Dan Piraro in 2003
 Source: www.bizarro.com/comics/august-3-2003/
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Top
Subj:     Woman Rubs Barman's Facial Hair (S57, S553)
          From: auntiegah in 2003

 A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet
 rural pub.  She gestures alluringly to the barman who
 comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively
 signals that he should bring his face close to hers.  When
 he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is
 full and bushy.  "Are you the manager?" she asks, softly
 stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no" he
 replies.

 "Can you get him for me? - I need to speak to him." she
 says, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his
 hair.  "I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly
 aroused.  "Is there anything I can do?"

 "Yes, there is.  I need you to give him a message" she
 continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his
 mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

 "What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.

 "Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper,
 hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."

Top
Subj:     Drunk Insults Three Men At A Bar (S110)
          From: scott_pryor in 1999

 (Also see 'Drunk Insults Biker In Bar' in HARLEY)

 A drunken old man walked into a bar. He yells at the bartender,
 "Bartender get me a tequila!" The bartender gets him a tequila.
 The old man drinks it as fast as he can. Then he looks around
 the bar and sees three large men at a table having some beers.
 He points at one of them and says "You! I have slept with your
 mother!" The man looks at the old man then goes about drinking
 his beer.

 Then the old man yells "Bartender! Get me another tequila!" The
 bartender gets him another tequila. The old man drinks it as
 fast as he can.  Then he looks over at the three men.  He
 points at another man and shouts "You!  Your mother gives me
 a blow job!"  The second man looks at the old man, then goes
 about drinking his beer.

 Then the old man yells "Bartender!  Get me another tequila!"
 This time the bartender says "No, old man, you have had enough."
 "Just one more!!" yells the old man.  So the bartender gets
 him one more tequila.  The old man drinks it as fast as he can.
 Then looks at the three men. He points at the third man and
 shouts "You! I eat out your mother!"  The third man looks at
 the old man then looks at the other two men.

 All three of them get up and start walking over to the old man.
 Then they say "Come on dad, you have had too much to drink..."

Top
Subj:     Four Ladies Pay Dancer (S210, DU)
          From: KMACINTY in 2001

 The other day, my friends and I went to a "Ladies Night Club."
 One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she
 pulled out a $10 bill.  When the male dancer came over to us,
 my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!

 Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill.  She
 calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill and sticks it to
 his other butt cheek.

 In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend
 pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over and licks the bill.
 I am worried about where things are going, but fortunately she
 just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again.

 My relief was short-lived. Seeing the way things are headed,
 the guy gyrates over to me!  Now everyone's attention is
 focused on me and the guy is egging me on to top the $50.  My
 brain was churning as I reached for my wallet.  What could I do?

 Then the female marketer in me took over! I got out my ATM card,
 swiped it down the crack of his ass, grabbed the $80 bucks and
 went home.

Top
Subj:     Sad Drunk At A Bar (S193, S679b)
          From: thebartend in 2000

 A man walks in a bar and sees a friend at a table, drinking
 by himself.  Approaching the friend, he comments, "You look
 terrible. What's the problem?"

 "My mother died in June," he said, "and left me $10,000."

 "Gee, that's tough," he replied.

 "Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died,
 leaving me $50,000."

 "Wow.  Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're
 depressed."

 "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."

 "Three close family members lost in three months???  How sad!!!"

 "Then this month,..." continued, the friend, "Nothing!  Not a
 single dime!"

Top
Subj:     Non Sequitur Cartoon (S925)
          By Wiley Miller in 2014
Source: www.gocomics.com/nonsequitur/2014/10/06
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 (See 'A Pastor, A Priest and a Rabbi...,' in Bar1,
  and 'Priest, Rabbi, and A Duck Walk Into A Bar' in Bar1,
  and 'Funny Bar Jokes As Videos - Familiar Faces' in Bar-Supp,
  and 'Rabbi, Priest, And Preacher Go Into A Bar' in Bar-Supp,
  and 'Non Sequitur Cartoon' in Jewish-Rabbi
  and 'Reynolds Cartoons' in Farmer-Supp)
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Top
Subj:     Two Guys In Bar Discuss Wives (S322b)
          From: igiggle in 2003

 Two guys in a bar are talking about their wives.

 "My wife is mad at me again," says the first.

 "Why?"

 "I was bombed at the bar across the street last night.
  And she came looking for me."

 "What'd you do?"

 "I asked her for her phone number."

Top
Subj:     Two Husbands In Bar Discuss 'Going Home' (S176, S547)
          From: AFine963 in 2007

 Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns
 to the other and says,  "You know, I don't know what else to
 do.  Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn
 the headlights off before I get to the driveway.  I shut off
 the engine and coast into the garage.  I take my shoes off
 before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get
 undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL
 wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

 His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking
 the wrong approach.  I screech into the driveway, slam the door,
 storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into
 bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?' . . .
 and, she always acts like she's sound asleep!"

Top
Subj:     Drunk Refused Drink At Bar (S175)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com in 2000

 A man walks into the front door of a bar.  He is obviously
 drunk and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool
 and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.  The
 bartender politely informs the man that it appears he has
 already had plenty to drink and that he could not be served
 additional liquor.  The bartender offers to call a cab for
 him.

 The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles,
 climbs down from the bar stool and staggers out the front
 door.  A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the
 side door of the bar.  He wobbles up to the bar and hollers
 for a drink.  The bartender comes over and - still politely
 if not more firmly - refuses service to the man and again
 offers to call a cab.  The drunk looks at the bartender for
 a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side
 door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.

 A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the
 back door of the bar.  He plops himself up on a bar stool,
 gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.  The
 bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that
 he is drunk and will be served no drinks.  He then tells
 him that he can either call a cab or the police immediately.

 The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless
 anguish cries, "Man! How many bars do you work at?"

Top
Subj:     Mickey And The Barmaid Bet (S174)
          From: thebartend in 2000

 Mickey was in a bar having a drink, and the barmaid was one
 sexy looking lady!  He slapped a ten spot on the table and
 said, "I bet I can keep an eye on this drink while I go to
 the bathroom."

 She knew the bathroom was around the corner so she accepted
 the bet.

 He took his glass eye out, placed it beside the drink and
 went to the bathroom.

 "Betcha I can bite my own ear," Mickey challenged next.

 The bet was accepted.

 He took out his false teeth and nipped his ear.  Once more
 he scooped up the money.

 "Okay," he said, "I'll give you a chance to win your money
 back.  I bet I can make love to you so tenderly you won't
 feel a thing."

 Now that was one thing she knew about, so she accepted the
 bet.

 Mickey lifted her skirt and away they went.

 "I can feel you." she giggled.

 "Oh well," he screamed while cumming, "You win some, you
 lose some!!"

Top
Subj:     How's Waldo? (S889d)
          Drawn by Paul Norh
          From: George Takei in 2013
 Source: Tom Howard's Photos on Facebook
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Top
Subj:     Man Wears Special Watch To Bar (S137, S637)
          From: DrRibeiro in 1999

 A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next
 to a very attractive woman.  He gives her a quick glance, then
 casually looks at his watch for a moment.

 The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

 "No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch
 and I was just testing it."

 The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch?  What's
 so special about it?"

 "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

 "What's it telling you now?"

 "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."

 The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then
 because I am wearing panties!"

 The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

Top
Subj:     Truck Driver Takes Little Man's Drink (S223, DU)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com in 2001

 There was this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking
 at his drink.  He didn't move for a half-an-hour.  This big
 trouble-making truck driver stepped up right next to him,
 took the drink from the guy, and just drank it all down.
 The poor man started crying.

 The truck driver turned and said: "Come on man, I was just
 joking.  Here, I'll buy you another drink.  I just can't
 stand to see a man crying."

 "No, it's not that.  Today is the worst day of my life.
 First, I overslept and was late for an important meeting.
 My boss became outraged and fired me.  When I left the
 building to my car, I found out that it was stolen.  The
 police said they could do nothing.  I then got a cab to
 return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab
 had gone, I found that I left my wallet in the cab.  I got
 home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I
 left home depressed and came to this bar.  And now, when
 I was thinking about putting an end to my life, YOU show
 up and drink my poison."

.Top
Subj:     The Drunk And The Ballerina (S209, S457)
          From: RFSlick in 1998

 A drunk was sitting at a bar when a woman stood behind him
 and raised her arm really high to get the bartender's
 attention. The drunk saw that she had very hairy armpits.

 The drunk yelled at the bartender, "Get the ballerina a drink!"
 She got her drink and went away.  Later, she returned and
 raised her arm again.  The drunk saw her and yelled to the
 bartender, "Get the ballerina another drink!" She got her drink
 and went away again.

 The bartender asked the drunk how he knew she was a ballerina
 when she was a stranger and had never been in the bar before.

 The drunk replied, "She's got to be a ballerina if she can lift
 her leg that high."

Top
Subj:     Three Ladies Give Husbands Nick Names (S212)
          From: BennoRo in 2001

 Three ladies all have separate husbands named Leroy.

 One evening, while sharing a few drinks at the bar, one of
 the ladies suggests, "Let's name our Leroys after a soda pop,
 because I'm tired of getting my Leroy mixed up with your
 Leroy, and her Leroy mixed up with your Leroy."

 The other two ladies agree.

 The first lady speaks out, "Okay then, I'm gonna name my
 Leroy 7-Up because he has 7 inches and it's always up!"

 The three ladies hoot and holler, and slap each other high fives.

 Then, the second lady says, "I'm gonna name my Leroy Mountain
 Dew because he can mount and do me any day of the week."

 Again, the three ladies hoot and holler, and slap each other
 more high fives.

 The third lady then says, "You know, those two Leroys were good,
 but I'm gonna name my Leroy, Jack Daniels."

 The other two ladies shout in unison, "Jack Daniels?  That's
 not a soda pop... that's a hard liquor!"

 The third lady bursts out, "That's my Leroy!"

.Top
Subj:     New Bar Opening In New Orleans
          From: darrell94590
..........in 2005 (S453)

 To view the new bar, click 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Bar Contest For Jar Of Tens (S08, S607)
          From: tom in 2008

 (Also see 'Stranded On Island With Natives' in STRANDED)

 A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a very large
 jar behind the counter which is filled to the brim with ten
 dollar bills.  The man guesses there must be thousands of
 dollars in it and approaches the bartender to ask: "What's
 up with the jar?"

 Bartender: "Well, you pay ten dollars and if you pass three
 tests, then you get all the money."

 Man: "What are the three tests?"

 Bartender: "Pay first. Those are the rules."

 So the guy gives him the ten bucks and the bartender adds it
 to the jar.  Bartender: "OK, here's what you have to do. First
 you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the
 WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't make a face while doing it.
 Second, there is a pit bull chained up out back with a sore
 tooth...you have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.
 Third, there is a 90 year old woman upstairs who's never had
 an orgasm in her life.  You gotta make things right for her."

 Man: "Well, I know I've paid my ten bucks but I'm not an idiot,
 I won't do it.  You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of tequila
 and get crazier from there."

 Bartender: "Your call. But your money stays in the jar."
 Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks
 "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"  He grabs the gallon of tequila
 with both hands and downs it with a big slurp.  Tears are
 streaming down his cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.  Next
 he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear a
 huge scuffle going on.  They hear barking and screams, yelps
 and growling, and eventually silence.

 Just when they think the man must surely be dead, he staggers
 back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over
 his body.

 "NOW," he says, "where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

..Top
Subj:     Man Brings 1 Foot Pianist To Bar (S128, S783)
          From: tom in 1999 and 2012

 (Also see 'Minnesota Fishing Genie' in GENIE)

 A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and
 places the bag on the counter.  The bartender walks up and
 asks what's in the bag.  The man reaches into the bag and
 pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him
 on the counter.  He reaches back into the bag and pulls out
 a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches
 into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench,
 which he places in front of the piano.

 The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a
 beautiful piece by Mozart! "Where on earth did you get that?"
 says the bartender.  The man responds by reaching into the
 paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it
 to the bartender and says: "Here. Rub it." So the bartender
 rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a
 beautiful genie is standing before him. "I will grant you
 one wish. Just one wish --- each person is only allowed one!"
 The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says,
 "I want a million bucks!"  A few moments later, a duck walks
 into the bar.  It is soon followed by another duck, then
 another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks
 and they keep coming!

 The bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think
 your genie's a little deaf.  I asked for a million bucks,
 not a million ducks." "Tell me about it!!" says the man,
 "do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?

Top
Subj:     A Man And His Pocket At Bar (S225)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day in 2001

 A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and
 orders a double martini on the rocks.  After he finishes
 the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders
 the bartender to prepare another double martini.  After he
 finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket
 and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.

 The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis
 all night long, but you gotta tell me why you look inside
 your shirt pocket before you order a  refill."

 The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife.
 When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

.Top
Subj:     Two Triple Martinis At A Bar (S23, S543)
          From: ipkis in 1997

 A Chicken Farmer walks into a bar, sits down and orders a
 triple martini.

 The bartender says "What a coincidence, the only other person
 at the bar is that beautiful woman at the other end.  She is
 also drinking triple martinis".

 After a few sips of his drink, the farmer walks up to the woman
 and says, "Isn't it a coincidence that we are both having the
 same drink".

 The farmer says, 'This is a special day for me.  I'm
 celebrating!'

 This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating'
 says the woman.

 'What a coincidence,' says the Farmer.  As they toasted glasses,
 he asks, 'What are you celebrating?'

 'My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today
 my Gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!'

 'What a coincidence,' says the man.  'I'm a chicken farmer.
 For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're
 finally laying fertilized eggs!'

 'That's great!' says the woman, 'How did your chickens
 become fertile?'

 'I switched cocks,' he replies.

 She smiles, blushes, and says, 'What a coincidence...

 She replies "Yes! I am here because I am celebrating. After
 20 years of trying I am finally pregnant!"

 "What a coincidence" the man replied. "I am also celebrating.
 After years of experimenting, I have invented a multicolored
 chicken."

 At this, the woman asked "How did you ever accomplish that!?".

 "I had to try a lot of different cocks" he said.

 The woman replied "What a coincidence!!!!"

Top
Subj:     Non Sequitur Cartoon (S1115)
          By Wiley Miller in 2018
Source: www.gocomics.com/nonsequitur/2018/05/25
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Subj:     Short Bar Jokes

Top
Subj:     Buying A Lady A Drink (S478c)
          From: darrell94590 in 2006
 A man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches a Woman
 sitting by herself.

 Man: "May I buy you a cocktail?"

 Lady: "No thank you; alcohol is bad for my legs."

 Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"

 Lady: "No, they open!"
 

Top
Subj:     Gynecologist Invents Drink (S371)
          From: Grampsboyd in 2004
 Guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks, "Bartender, got
 any specials today?"

 Bartender says, "Yes, as a matter of fact we have a new
 drink invented by a gynecologist patron of ours.  It is
 a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka."

 The guy asks, "Geeze, what the heck is that?"

 The Bartender says we call it a "Pabst Smir."
 

Top
Subj:     Man Orders A Bush Beer (S335b)
          From: LABLaughs.com in 2003
 A guy walks into a bar and says to the woman bartender,
 "Hey, babe, Anheuser Busch?"

 "Fine", she says, "and how's your dick?"
 

Top
Subj:     Woman With Skin-Tight Pants In Bar (S265c)
          From: BennoRo in 2002
 A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a really
 gorgeous woman.  The first thing he notices about her
 though, are her pants.  They were skin-tight, high-
 waisted and had no obvious mechanism (zipper, buttons
 or velcro) for opening them.  After several minutes of
 looking her over and puzzling over how she got the
 pants up over her hips, he finally worked up the nerve
 to ask her. "Excuse me miss, but how do you get into
 your pants?"

 "Well," she replied, "you can start by buying me a drink."
 

Top
Subj:     Hamburger Goes Into A Bar (S235)
          From: THE GAG ROOM. 1997
 A hamburger walked into a bar, climbed up onto a bar
 stool, looked at the bartender and ordered a tall cold
 beer.  The bartender looked at the hamburger for a moment
 and replied, "I'm sorry sir, but I can't sell you that
 drink."  The hamburger thought about this for a second
 and said, "I'm over 21.  Why can't you sell me a drink?"
 After looking at the hamburger for another moment, the
 bartender replied, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food in here."

 2ed Vers.
 A ham and cheese sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender
 says "SORRY WE DON'T SERVE FOOD HERE"

 3rd Vers.
    From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 7/30/2001
 Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar. The bartender looks them
 over, then says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."
 

Top
Subj:     String Goes Into A Bar (S308b)
          from THE GAG ROOM, 1997
 A string walks into a bar and orders a drink.  Looking at
 the string, the bartender said, "Sorry, we don't serve
 strings."
 "What? That sucks," said the string.  So the string walks
 into the bathroom and ties himself up and messes up his
 ends.  A couple moments later he comes back out and
 approaches the bar again and again orders a drink.
 "Hey, aren't you that string?" asks the bartender.
 "Nope. I'm a frayed knot."
 

Top
Subj:     Exchanging Insults At A Bar
          From: TNKRTEACH in 1997
 Having had one too many, a bar drinker was beginning to
 display an ugly side.  An unescorted female sat down beside
 him and he whispered to her, "Hey!  How about it babe?   You
 and me?"

 As she got up to move, he said loudly, "Honey, you sure look
 like you could use the money, but I don't have an extra two
 dollars."

 She looked back and replied just as loudly, "What makes you
 think I charge by the inch ?"
 

Top
Subj:     Nude Woman Goes Into A Bar
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #189
 A woman walks into a bar totally nude and asks the barkeep
 if he can serve her a drink.  He looks her up and down and
 says, "Well sure, but it doesn't appear by your appearance
 that you'll be able to  pay for it."

 The woman throws one leg up on a bar stool and shows what
 she's got, "Will this do?" she asks.

 The barkeep takes a look and responds, "Ya got anything
 smaller?"
 

.
 

 J.F.K and Bobby Kennedy walk into a bar and the the bartender
 says, "What'll it be?" J.F.K says, "Give us a couple of
 shooters."

 A skeleton is in a bar. He goes up to the bar.
 "A pint of lager and a mop please."  --  Howard Burgess

From: auntieg in 1998 (S124)
 A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much
 for a beer?"  The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

 A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink.
 The bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms here."  The
 mushroom says, "Why?! I'm a fun guy!"

From: DR SWITZER on 1998 (S384b)
 A set of jumper cables goes into a bar.  The bartender sees
 them and say's "Hey, what are you doing in here?"  "Just want
 to have a drink ? relax awhile" was the reply.  "Well, all
 right.  Just don't start anything!"

From: Joke-Of-The-Day in 2001 (S244)
 "Karaoke bars combine two of the nation's greatest evils:
 people who shouldn't drink with people who shouldn't sing."
   -- Tom Dreesen

From: LABLaughs.com in 2003 (S322)
 Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear
 Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't
 know where it's been.

From: LABLaughsClean in 2004 (S406b)
 Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

 A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm
 and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

 Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

 A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender
 says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here.
 

From: darrell94590 in 2005 (S457b, S786 - handicapped)
 A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

From: drgolfmd in 2006 (S489b - big-cats)
 Two guys are chatting in a bar.  One says "Did you know that
 lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"
 "Damn," says his friend. " and I just joined the Elks."
 

 Q: How do they seperate the men from the boys in a gay bar?
 A: With a crowbar.

 Q: Did you hear about the two condoms outside a gay bar
 A: One said to the other "Want to go inside and get shit-faced"

 Q: What is the hottest pickup line in a gay bar?
 A: Can I push your stool in for you?

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.............................From Smiley_Central
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