(Includes 66 jokes and articles, 02 1007,38,cf,vXT3,27)
Wash Day Tub
Subj: St. Bernard's Boy's Bathroom (S508b)
By Mike Peters
From: Mother Goose and Grimm comics on 10/19/06
Swedish Self-Cleaning Toilet (S765d)
From: Wimp.com on 9/11/2011
This 2007 commercial from the
Swedish company CWS is
funny, bizarre, and unique. Click 'HERE' to see this great ad.
Subj: A White And Three Blacks At The Urinals
From: thebartend on 98-06-18
One night a man was drinking
in a bar and he had to go to
the bathroom. While he was going, he noticed that there
were three black men next to him at the urinals. He happened
to look down and was shocked to see that one of the men had
a white penis. He quickly finished and went back to the bar.
He told the bartender that he had just seen the strangest
thing when he was in the bathroom. The bartender asked him
what he saw.
"Well, while I was taking a leak,
I looked over and next to
me were three black guys and one of them had a white dick!"
"Oh, those weren't black men,"
the bartender said, "they are
all coal miners and apparently one of them went home for lunch."
Subj: Fortune 500's Men's Washroom (S702)
From: tom on 6/27/2010
Subj: Taking Your Child In The Stall (S576)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/11/2008
My little guy, Cade, is quite
a talker. He loves to
communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people
constantly, whether we're in the library, the grocery
store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on
how clearly he speaks for a just-turned- 3-year-old. And
you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's
always fully cranked.
Cade continued, "Mommy, you ARE
going stinkies aren't you?
Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy!
Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty?
Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy!
Oh ... Mommy! I'm trying
to see in dere.
Oh! I see dem. Dat is a
very good girl, Mommy. You are
gonna get some candy!
"I heard a few faint chuckles
coming from the stalls on
either side of me. Where is a screaming newborn when you
need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing.
I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting.
"Mommy! Would you get off
the potty, now? I want you to be
done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!"
He grunted as he tried to pull
me off. Now I could hear full-
blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door.
"Oh, are you wooking under dere,
Mommy? You wooking under da
door? What were you wooking at, Mommy? You wooking at the
wady's feet? "
More laughter. I stood
inside the locked door and tried to
assess the situation.
"Mommy, it's time to wash our
hands, now. We have to go out
He started pounding on the door.
"Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!"
I saw that my "wait 'em out"
plan was unraveling. I sheepishly
opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty
to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and
starting to applaud.
My first thought was complete
embarrassment, then I thought,
"Where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I
signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy?"
But as my little boy gave me
a big, cheeky grin while he
rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought,
I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this
(Shannon Popkin is a freelance
writer and mother of three.
She lives with her family in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where
she no longer uses public restrooms
Bathtub Toy (S600b in Pussy)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/7/2008
You can view this short, dirty,
cute WMV video
by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: The House Behind The House - Poem (S450, S845)
From: RFSlick on 8/30/2005
One of my fondest memories
As I recall the days of yore
was the little house, behind the house,
With the crescent o'er the door.
'Twas a place to sit and ponder
With your head all bowed down low;
Knowing that you wouldn't be there,
If you didn't have to go.
Ours was a multi-holer, three,
With a size for every one.
You left there feeling better,
After your job was done.
You had to make those frequent
In snow, rain, sleet, or fog--
To that little house where you usually
Found the Sears-Roebuck catalog.
Oft times in dead of winter,
The seat was spread with snow.
Twas then with much reluctance,
To that little house you'd go.
With a swish you'd clear that
Bend low, with dreadful fear
You'd shut your eyes and grit your teeth
As you settled on your rear.
I recall the day Ol' Granddad,
Who stayed with us one summer,
Made a trip out to that little house
Which proved to be a bummer.
'Twas the same day that my Dad
Finished painting the kitchen green.
He'd just cleaned up the mess he'd made
With rags and gasoline.
He tossed the rags down in the
Went on his usual way
Not knowing that by doing so
He'd eventually rue the day.
Now Granddad had an urgent call,
I never will forget!
This trip he made to the little house
Stays in my memory yet.
He sat down on the wooden seat,
With both feet on the floor.
He filled his pipe and tapped it down
And struck a match on the outhouse door.
He lit the pipe and sure enough,
it soon began to glow.
He slowly raised his rear a bit
And tossed the flaming match below.
The Blast that followed, I am
Was heard for miles around;
And there was poor ol' Granddad
Sprawled out there on the ground.
The smoldering pipe still in
His eyes were shut real tight;
The celebrated three-holer
Was blown clear out of sight.
We asked him what had happened,
What he said I'll ne'er forget.
He said he thought it must have been
The pinto beans he et!
Next day we had a new one
Dad put it up with ease.
But this one had a door sign
that read: No Smoking, Please!
Now that's the story's end my
Of memories long ago,
When we went to the house behind the house,
because we had to go.
For those who never had to trot
out in the Cold.....
Just Give Thanks!!!
Subj: Learning To Use The Urinal (S878)
From: tom on 11/4/2013
Two Girls Have To Pee (S642c)
From: mauryschu on 4/23/2009
In this video, two girls have
to pee in a dirty bathroom.
I'm not sure if this video is funny, or just plain sick.
Click 'HERE' to view it.
Bathroom Video (S664b)
From: tom on 9/25/2009
This silly video is cute. Click 'HERE' to see it.
Subj: The History of Toilet Paper (S1007)
From TLL on 5/2/2016
MORE THAN YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT TOILET PAPER
1. The first recorded use of
toilet paper was in 6th Century China.
2. By the 14th Century, the Chinese government was mass-producing it.
3. Americans got the idea of using paper from the Japanese
but packaged toilet paper wasn't sold in the United States until 1857.
4. Joseph Gayetty, the man who introduced packaged TP to the U.S.,
had his name printed on every sheet.
5. Global toilet paper demand uses nearly 30,000 trees every day.
6. That's 10 million trees a year.
7. It wasn't until 1935 that a manufacturer was able to
promise Splinter-Free Toilet Paper.
8. Seven percent of Americans admit to stealing rolls
of toilet paper in hotels.
9. Americans use an average of 8.6 sheets of toilet paper
per trip to the bathroom.
10. The average roll has 333 sheets.
11. Historically, what you use to wipe depended on your income level.
12. In the middle ages they used something called a gompf stick
which was just an actual stick used to scrape.
13. Wealthy Romans used wool soaked in rose water
and French royalty used lace.
14. Other things that were used before toilet paper include:
hay, corn cobs (see note at end), cotton rags, sticks,
stones, sand, moss, hemp, wool, husks, fruit peels, ferns,
sponges, seashells, knotted ropes, and broken pottery.
15. Roughly 70% of the world still doesn't use toilet paper
because it is too expensive or there is not sufficient plumbing.
16. In many Western European countries, bidets are seen by women
as more effective and preferable to toilet paper.
17. Colored toilet paper was popular in the U.S. until the 1940s.
18. The reason toilet paper disintegrates so quickly when wet
is that the fibers used to make it are very short.
19. On the International Space Station, they still use regular toilet paper
but it has to be sealed in special containers and compressed.
20. During Desert Storm, the U.S. Army used toilet paper
to camouflage their tanks.
21. In 1973 Johnny Carson caused a toilet paper shortage.
He said as a joke that there was a shortage, which
there wasn't, until everyone believed him and ran out
to buy up the supply. It took three weeks for some
stores to get more stock.
22. There is a contest sponsored by Charmin to design and make
wedding dresses out of toilet paper. The winner gets $2,000.
23. There was a toilet paper museum in Wisconsin,
The Madison Museum of Bathroom Tissue, but it closed in 2000.
24. The museum once had over 3,000 rolls of TP from places all over
the world, including The Guggenheim, Ellis Island, and Graceland.
25. There is still a virtual toilet paper museum called Nobody's Perfect.
26. In 1996, President Clinton passed a Toilet Paper Tax
of 6 cents per roll, which is still in effect today.
27. Many Muslims wipe their bums with their bare hand
but always the left hand. They eat with their right hand.
If you are caught shop lifting, your right hand is cut off
forcing you to eat with your poopy left hand which pretty
much means you eat alone.
28. The most expensive toilet paper in the world is from Portuguese
brand Renova. It is three-ply, perfumed, costs $3 per roll and
comes in several colors including black, red, blue and green.
29. Beyonce uses only red Renova toilet paper.
30. When asked what necessity they would bring to a desert island,
49% of people said toilet paper before food.
31. Queen Elizabeth II wipes her royal bum with silk.
33. Koji Suzuki, a Japanese horror novelist best known for writing
The Ring, had an entire novel printed on a single roll of toilet paper.
34. The novel takes place in a public bathroom and the entire
story runs approximately one hundred and three feet long.
Note: Standard practice with corn cobs is to go to the outhouse
with two red cobs and one white one. First you use a red one,
then a white one (to see if you need another red one).
Subj: You Never Realize What You Have... (S787 in Facebook)
From: Wol Craft Russell on 2/11/2012
Man Trapped In Toilet (S804)
Made by Just for Laughs Gags
From: dcappucini on 6/9/2012
Prank victims hear a man yelling
from inside a port
a potty, and find a man's feet are sticking out of
a portable toilet seat. Click 'HERE' to see this
Subj: How Can A Man Who Can Hit A Deer At 250 Yards (S961)
From: Cathy Lavezzo-Freitas on Facebook
............You can buy this sign at the source for $8.99.
Subj: Toilet Training
From: Ossama's Laugh on 12/29/97
The Ideal Situation
If you are lucky, and rarely is this the case, then you may
be on the receiving end of what is only known as the "Ideal
Situation." This situation is, of course, the presence of
one urinal. The etiquette here is simple: if it's empty,
pee, if it's not, don't. Period. Of course, a foray to
the world of the public stall could be merited if the urinal
is busy, but it is always preferable to busy one's self
with washroom related activity while waiting for the urinal
to free up. Wash your hands, check your hair, check the
floor for loose change, do the moonwalk, etc.
An important note: It is NOT
considered proper etiquette to
enquire to a peeing person if he is almost done. Nor is it
seemly to attempt to peek in the urinal for activity. If
you suspect the patron is merely standing around with his
fly open, it is usually best just to keep those suspicions
Two Urinal Tango
One urinal was easy. No tough decisions there. Two urinals,
well, it's a whole different world. With luck, they will
both be empty. In this case, choose the appropriate urinal
based on proximity to walls and other forms of shielding,
and preferably as far away as possible from large sources
of microwaves and free radicals.
Chances are though, that with
two urinals one of them will
be occupied. In this case under no circumstances should
you proceed to the urinal. I repeat: DO NOT PROCEED. To
proceed is to pee in one urinal adjoining another which is
also occupied. This is the cardinal sin of urinal etiquette.
Never pee beside someone. Instead, it is best to busy one's
self with activites mentioned under the Ideal Situation,
with the possible exception of moonwalking, for which
breakdancing should be substituted.
A question which becomes increasingly
pressing at this point
is the option of the stall. If the need is urgent (and it
may well be), the stall may be considered. However, it is
of utmost importance to make it appear as if the stall was
the destination all along. This is why planning is
necessary. If there is potential urination in the near
future, one should always take these easy steps:
1. Scout out the bathroom: Urinal number and location
2. Map out a secondary stall acess route
3. Practice casual-seeming scouting of urinal area
4. Limber up for extensive periods of breakdancing
Planning is not all it takes though. Once in the stall,
standing is no longer an option. To stand is to admit to
all who peek for feet that you never had any intention of
using a stall, but rather that your efforts at finding a
suitable urinal were unfruitful. Sit and pee, and if at all
possible, stay for an amount of time equal to that which
you would normally take if the stall had been the appro-
priate initial choice, once again to suggest that you are
not simply peeing in a stall. However, here we delve into
the realm of stall etiquette, which is an entirely
Well then, what about three urinals. Well, this starts to
get tricky. If you should come across three empty urinals,
then the natural male tendency to attempt to accumulate
power and property might lead you to try the middle urinal.
Unfortunately, in some countries, to do so is punishable
in manners unspeakable. For to choose the middle urinal
is to deny any subsequent patron of the urinals the
opportunity to pee in isolation while you are still at
your business. To choose the middle of three urinals is
to commit an act of pure, unadulterated selfishness, and
for it one should be ashamed. Instead, one should
immediately proceed the the end urinal which is furthest
from the door, or alternatively, best smelling.
However, all three urinals are
not always empty. If upon
entering the bathroom you discern that the middle urinal
alone is occupied, ever, you should immediately seek out
the proper authorities to punish the culprit. Hopefully
though, one of the end urinals is occupied. This allows
one to proceed to the opposite urinal, and pee in relative
Further complications arise if
two of the urinals are
occupied. If they are the two end urinals, then one
should proceed with delay tactics which were described
earlier, especially nose scratching and armpit sniffing.
Alternatively, a stall may be employed, being sure to use
the deceitful tactics also mentioned earlier. It is
possible that two adjacent urinals of the three be
occupied. In this case, it is best just to leave. Hold
your urge, and retreat. To stay is to share in the shame
that must accompany any two individuals who are engaged
in such an unseemly situation. Furthermore, if you are
ever engaged in peeing at an end urinal, and someone
enters the middle urinal with the intention of peeing,
it is most definitely appropriate to ask him to leave.
If he is unreceptive to your request, you might consider
peeing on his leg.
Should all three urinals be occupied,
upon entry to the
bathroom, not only should you beat a hasty retreat, but
you should also avert your eyes in order not to have
the horrible sight of three adjacent occupied urinals
forever ingrained into your mind.
Just Four, Not More
Well with four urinals, the decisions start to really
pile up. Even if all four urinals are empty upon your
arrival, there is still a lot of thinking to do. Ideally,
you should still choose a nice, clean smelling urinal at
either one of the ends. However, certain extenuating
circumstances have set precedence for the selection of
one of the two inner urinals. The reason that this is
acceptable is that the selection of an inner urinal does
not decrease the potential M.P.P.N.B.A. (Maximum People
Peeing Not Beside Anyone). Therefore, if, say, a large
deposit of nuclear waste has located itself in BOTH of
the end urinals, an inner urinal may be employed,
preferably the one farthest away from the largest nuclear
What about if someone is already
there? Well, much like
the other situations, pee if you can without peeing
beside anyone (P.I.Y.C.W.P.B.A.), and otherwise lapse
into delay tactics or stall deceit strategy. In fact,
because the MPPNBA's are identical for three and four
urinals, etiquette is greatly preserved across the
Five, Five, Five
Well, what about five urinals. This is starting to be
a lot of urinals here, and so proper etiquette is even
more important, as the potential for people in the
washroom to view improper etiquette at work is steadily
increasing. Now, however, in the case of an empty bank
of urinals, the decision is going to reflect your
personality. If you are relatively shy, or introverted,
either of the end urinals is the appropriate choice.
This shows your good knowledge of urinal etiquette, but
in no way is flashy or showy. However, if you are bold
and daring, you should choose the middle urinal. This
immediately gains you command and authority over the
entire urinal bank, while still maintaining the highest
possible MPPNBA. Manners and power, and unbeatable
Now, selection of a urinal remains
simple if one or more
are occupied. Pee if you can, if you can't don't. Don't
break any rules of etiquette, and make sure that others
uphold them. However, because the number of urinals is
increasing, it becomes increasingly difficult to assess
the situation while still maintaining an entirely casual
and matter of fact air. At this point, practice is
essential. Use mirrors to scan the urinals, tie your
shoe without ever taking your eyes off the urinals, etc.
Of even greater concern though, is to appear all the
time that you are not actually examining the urinals.
Such actions could be misconstrued, and such misinter-
pretations must be avoided to maintain the proper
Six-Six, Pick up Sticks
Now with six or more urinals, the rules are not so
concrete. However, a few things must still be kept in
Maintain a high MPPNBA.
Choose end urinals when
possible, and plan your entry to the urinal bank so
that every second urinal is occupied. To employ only
every third urinal is a waste, and often is accompanied
by a small fine if caught.
Pee as far away from others as
possible. If you enter
into a washroom of 6 urinals, and someone is at an end
urinal, then by all means proceed directly to the
urinal at the opposite end. Maintain your distance at
all times. However, in banks of 8 urinals are more,
or when the gap between a urinal patron and the end of
the bank is 7 urinals, it is appropriate to choose the
second farthest away urinal. To choose the farthest
urinal might imply to a sensitive individual that he
smelt, or emitted a blinding light, or some other
such condition, and might cause undue unsult. There-
fore, the second farthest urinal is selected in order
to suggest that while you have a good grasp of urinal
etiquette, in no way do you feel that the other
individual is a grotesquely deformed monster.
There it is. That's it.
All you need to know. I
hope you paid close attention, and will follow these
simple rules for the betterment of urinalgoers
everywhere! Pee On!!!
Subj: Short Urinal Jokes
Tundra Comics (S866)
Created by Chad Carpenter on 9/11/2011
Drawing from TundraComics.com...
What Your Toilet Paper Says About You
From: Heather McBride on 12/13/11 (S778)
There are Friends, And Then
.............There Are True Friends (S818)
From: virv on 9/14/2012....Drawing from Zorger.com
Pickles Sunday Comic Strip (S776)
By Brian Crane on 11/27/2011
Aircraft Slams Into 4 Buildings (S734)
From: tom on 2/1/2011 (in Plane-Supp)
Photo from Trigon Technology...
Chuckle Bros Cartoon (S643)
by Brian Boychuk, Ron Boychuk
From: Creators.com on 5/5/2009
The Flying McCoys Cartoon (S633c)
by Glenn and Gary McCoy on 2/25/2009
Subj: Trapped In A Toilet At Work (S731)
From: email@example.com on 12/31/2010
My husband David's colleague at a package-processing
center was trapped in a small rest room by a faulty
lock. When he was finally discovered, David and
another worker were able to open the door with some
difficulty. The lock was still jammed, so they blocked
the door open while a maintenance worker was called.
A bit later, David noticed the door was closed again.
He jiggled the doorknob and a voice from inside called,
"Get me out!"
"Don't worry," David replied,
"Maintenance should be
"They did," said the voice.
Frank And Ernest Comic Strip (S631c)
By Bob Thaves on 2/6/2009
Opus Comic Strip (S605c)
By Berkeley Breathed Sept. 30, 2007
From: Salon.com on 8/7/2008 (in Gays)
Bathroom Time Monitored (S576)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/10/2008
..........Source: (Removed from redtractor-usa.com)
Bathroom Mirror Prank (S562b)
From: ginafm on 10/24/2007
Space Toilets (S561, S751)
From: ginafm on 10/20/2007
and From: tom on 6/3/2011
How To Get A Man To Wash His Hands (S557b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 9/21/2007
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Doonesbury On The Senator Craig Scandal (S556b)
By Garry Trudeau on 9/10/2007
Men Can Multi-Task (S555, S699)
From: rfslick on 9/1/2007
and From: darrellvip on 6/4/2010
The Porta-Potti (S551b)
From: darrellvip on 8/10/2007
Can't Miss Urinal (S404)
From: LABLaughsAdulton 2/11/2004
Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
The Toilet Seat Wars (S506b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/27/2006
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
A Dozen Amazing Toilets (S482)
From: jbcary1 on 4/13/2006
You can view these 12 amazing toilets by clicking 'HERE'.
Kinky Toilet (S479b)
From: LABLaughsAdult20060320 on 3/20/2006
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
California Outhouse (S473c)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/9/2006
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Bathroom Rules For Men (S461)
..........From: From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/17/2005
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Bathroom Horror (S459b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/9/2005
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
The Fly in the Armsterdam Urinal (S451d, S803)
From: RFSlick on 9/7/2005
and From: tom on 5/31/2012
Subj: A Present For People Who Have Rubbed You The Wrong Way (S450)
From: LABLaughsClean on 8/29/2005
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
To view the present click 'HERE'.
Painted Floor (S432b)
From: darrell94590 on 5/2/2005
This is a painted floor!!!! I don't think I could even step
Saving Paper (S427)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/1/2005
..........Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
His/Hers Restrooms Doors (S418b)
From: Buffalo's Jokes on 01/30/05
Source: (Removed from buffalosjokes.com)
Sleepy Pooh (S413b)
From: drgolfmd on 12/20/2004
Subj: Toilet Paper Directions (S411, S691)
From: JokesUncut on 12/6/2004
Directions on toilet paper.
What's dumber than that?
Reading them and learning something.
Dumbest of all?
Reading them and having to correct something
you've been doing wrong.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 11/28/2001 (S253 in Quotes3)
"Here's a bonehead error that guys often commit in guest
bathrooms: They see soap on a soap dish, and they use it to
wash their hands. This of course ruins the guest soap, which
is defined as "soap that guests are not supposed to use."
Its purpose is to match the guest towels." -- Dave Barry