.
 
Subj:  Candy and Ice Cream Jokes
            (Includes 43 jokes and articles, 11891n,9,cf,md4w,5)

Candy ? Kids from
Millanimations
Includes the following:  The Story Of Chocolate - PPS (S530)
.........................Candy Riddle (S313b, DU)
.........................The Rules Of Chocolate (S108, S472)
.........................Chocolate Math (S662)
.........................Chocolate Addiction (DU)
.........................A Chocolate Flavored Penis (S72, S461b)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S668)
.........................Your Favorite Lucky Charm (DU)
.........................Candy Bar Sex (S13, S401b)
.........................The Birth Of A Candy Bar
.........................The Birth Of A Candy Bar II (S476b)
.........................Top Ten Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Men (S623b)
.........................20 Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex (S123)
.........................Short Chocolate Jokes
.........................M and M's
                         Short Candy Jokes
.............................Nestle Crunch Hot Line - Video (S683)
.............................Exercise Is A Dirty Word (S504b)
.............................Little Billy Eats Six Candy Bars (S356b, S546c)
.............................The History Of Chocolate (S482b)
.............................Ben And Jerry's New Presidential Flavors: (S94)
.............................What Is Six Inches Long? - Cartoon (S467b)
.............................Chocolate Button (S486c)

Also see FAIRY_TALES  - 'The Princess With The Melting Touch'
         FOODS-ETC2   - 'Foods You Can't Eat'
         PILOT-SUPP   - 'Gail 'Hal' Halvorsen, The Candy Bomber' - Video
         SCHOOL1 file - 'Tasting Lifesavers'
         SOLDIER-SUPP2- 'The Tootsie Roll Story During The Korean War' - Video
         VALENTINE    - 'Hershey Kiss On Valentine's Day'

============================================================Top
Subj:     The Story Of Chocolate (S530)
          From: edapsmas
          on 3/14/2007
Picture from
Chocolate Tempering

 This 800 KB Power Point Show is cute and educational.  You
 can view it on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Candy Riddle (S313b, DU)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 1/29/2003

 The word CANDY can be spelled using just 2 letters.
 Can you figure out how?

x
x
x
x
x
Scroll down for the answer
x
x
x
x
x
Here it comes
x
x
x
x
x

ANSWER

C and Y

Top
Subj:     The Rules Of Chocolate (S108, S472)
          From: auntieg on 99-02-03
      and From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 1/27/2006

 If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands,
 you're eating it too slowly.

 Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices ?
 strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

 The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from
 the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

 Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal.
 It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.

 A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily
 intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

 If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
 But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

 But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

 If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the
 fridge.  Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump
 out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

 If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate,
 is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each
 other?

 Money talks. Chocolate sings.

 Chocolate has many preservatives.
 Preservatives make you look younger.
 Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.

 Q: Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
 A: Because no one wants to quit.

 Q:  Is there life without chocolate?
 A:  We don't know.  No one dared to attempt it yet.

 Q: Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
 A: Because no one wants to quit.

 If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top
 pantyhose.  An entire garment industry would be devastated.

 Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to
 do today.  That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

Top
Subj:     Chocolate Math (S662)
          From: lubin100 on 9/17/2009
       (See 'Love Magic' in MATH4-SUPP for movie version
        and 'Mind Reading Brain Teaser' in MATH4)

 This web page calculates your age with chocolate math.
 Click 'HERE' to begin.

Top
Subj:     Chocolate Addiction (DU)
          From: smiles on 98-08-31

                 The Case of the Missing Chocolate
                 By Diana von Welanetz Wentworth
     from Chicken Soup for the Soul Cookbook (c) 1996

 I came home the other night after my writing class to find
 my husband Ted in bed, playing Gameboy with a very satisfied
 look on his face.  I thought, Uh-oh, walked to the kitchen and
 discovered his trail of foil and chocolate crumbs.  He had
 discovered the brownies I'd made for the Saturday picnic.  I
 should have known, I thought, as I looked at the remains.

 Ted peeked around the kitchen door.  My doctor says I'll
 never outgrow my need for chocolate...it's medicinal!
 'He really said that?'
 'Yep, He says there's nothing that can be done.'

 This is not the first time it has occurred to me that having
 a husband is a bit like having a big dog.

 Ted's case history of chocolate addiction is lengthy.  Mid-
 afternoon, when he dives in the bowl of M&Ms and Hershey's
 Chocolate Kisses at his office, Paula, his secretary of 26
 years, rolls her eyes.  She knows he will soon be bouncing
 off the walls.

 Usually a generous soul, Ted gets territorial only over
 chocolate.  One night I served him a particularly beautiful
 chocolate eclair I'd found that day.  I was dieting and the
 sight became too much for me.  I said, 'I wish I had a bite
 of that.'

 He emitted a little grown and said, 'Sure you do...' as he
 placed his arm protectively around his plate, 'Like a frog
 wishes he had wings so he wouldn't bump his butt along the
 ground.'

 He gives up chocolate every New Year's Day.  That usually
 lasts until Valentine's Day, when he begins eating it slowly,
 like normal people do, and tells me he has it under control.
 Gradually, I begin to notice that every night after dinner he
 asks, 'Do we have any chocolate?' Non-fat frozen yogurt with
 non-fat hot fudge topping is not for him; he points the car
 toward the local Italian ice cream parlor where he asks for
 a taste of every chocolate gelato they have.

 Eventually he notices chocolate has become an obsession and
 he talks about giving it up again.  Which he does, until
 Easter, and then we are off again.  We make it fairly well
 through the summer months, but with the approach of autumn
 and Thanksgiving, then Christmas, he falls off the wagon
 with a thud.

 Here is Ted's very favorite chocolate dessert.  It is a tiny
 warm chocolate cake with a gooey center and a warm chocolate
 sauce that our friend Margo Rogoff introduced him to at Mad.61,
 the trendiest new restaurant in New York City at this writing,
 located in Barney's department store at 61st and Madison.  I
 have photos of Ted using his fingers to scrape up the very
 last lick.

 Warm Valhrona Chocolate Cakes
    Makes 6 servings
 Recipe courtesy of Mad.61 pastry chef, Patti Jackson.

 Butter and sugar for 6          5 eggs plus 3 egg yolks
    brioche molds                1/4 cup sugar
 8 ounces Valhrona bittersweet   2 tablespoons strong brewed
    chocolate (Caraibe-see Note)    coffee
 6 ounces (3/4 stick) sweet      3/4 cup sifted pastry flour
    (unsalted) butter
 Chocolate Sauce:
 3/4 cup heavy (whipping) cream  2 tablespoons sweet butter
 6 ounces Valhrona chocolate,    1 teaspoon vanilla or Myers
    coarsely chopped                dark rum
 Note: Valhrona chocolate is dark, rich and not too sweet.
 If not available, use any excellent bittersweet chocolate.

 1. Preheat oven to 375 F. Butter 6 (4-ounce) brioche molds
    (or other molds about 1 inch high) heavily and sprinkle
    with sugar; set aside. In the top of a double boiler,
    melt together the chocolate, cut in small pieces, and
    butter.
 2. In a mixer, beat together whole eggs, egg yolks, and
    sugar until light and lemon-colored.  Add and mix in
    the coffee, followed by the chocolate/butter mixture
    and sifted pastry flour.  Pour the batter into the
    prepared molds, filling them within 1/8 inch of the top.
    (These may now be left at room temperature for up to 3
    hours or refrigerated for up to 48 hours.)
 3. To make the Chocolate Sauce, heat the cream just to a
    boil and pour over the chocolate pieces.  Add butter
    and vanilla or rum; stir until smooth.  Use while warm;
    if sauce should cool, reheat over simmering water or
    in a microwave oven on low heat, taking care not to
    overheat or it will separate.
 4. Just before serving, place the cakes in preheated oven
    and bake for 8 minutes until set around the edges -
    center of cakes should be runny.  Turn out of molds
    immediately onto serving plates.  Top with chocolate
    sauce and serve warm with ice cream.

Top
Subj:     A Chocolate Flavored Penis (S72, S461b)
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 6/14/98

 My penis made me locally famous. I didn't find out about it
 until I got to University.  Before then my experience of women
 was non-existent. I'd been at a boys' school, and anyway I was
 pretty spotty.  I couldn't believe when, all of a sudden, at
 the Fresher's Ball, I was snugging.  I was even more amazed
 when we were in her room.  We were both wasted. I didn't have
 a clue how to behave, I was terrified, but she knew what to do
 and in no time we were naked, in bed.  She was kissing my mouth.
 My neck.  My chest, my stomach, my....  She stopped.  "Oh my
 goodness!" she said, incredulous, "Your cock tastes just like
 CHOCOLATE!"

 Melanie wasn't a shy girl.  She must have told her friend Suzy.
 I realized this the next day when a very attractive girl, with
 hip clothes and trainers, approached me in the Union Bar and
 just started chatting.  This had NEVER happened to me before.
 She asked me if I wanted to hear a new CD she'd bought, and
 then we were in her room.  Halfway through the second track we
 were naked.  She'd hardly even kissed me before her face
 disappeared under the duvet.  "It does!", she exclaimed suddenly.
 "It bloody well DOES!!"  Two weeks into University I was still a
 virgin.  I had, however, received twenty three blowjobs from
 twelve different girls and heard words such as 'incredible',
 'amazing', ?Bournville', 'Swiss' and 'Belgian' exclaimed by mops
 of hair beneath my bedclothes. I had also been requested to
 immerse myself in a glass of milk and move vigorously to see
 if any of the flavor rubbed off.  It didn't.  I went to the
 Doctor.  She didn't believe me.  Nor did she try it out, which
 I thought shockingly unscientific. But she did see the state
 I was in and gave me a salve.

 Okay, so I'll admit it. For the first year it was great.  I
 could have loads of women, any time I wanted.  I got cunning
 and made them sleep with me first.  I got fussy.  All the guys
 on campus were jealous.  People who didn't know me looked wide
 eyed to see one or more stunning girls on the arm of a spotty,
 pale youth, with lank dark hair and glasses.  "What's he got?",
 they seemed to ask themselves.  But when the second year came
 I got really tired of it.  There was a whole new year of girls
 who wanted to try me out.  I felt like an object.  A specimen.
 And there was something missing from my life, a yearning.  I
 tried to have conversations with girls, in the coffee bar say,
 but all the time their eyes would be flicking to my crotch.
 Their tongues would run over their lips, their eyes would
 glaze over.  I would make a hasty excuse and leave.  It was
 about this time I began to get really upset about it.  Every-
 one had started calling me Hob Nob.  When I say "everyone",
 it's not quite true: Some people called me Willy Wonka.  Hey,
 it is NOT funny! I was a person!  I was more than a sexual
 organ that just happened to be flavored like confectionery.
 Everyone stared at me.  All the girls laughed when they saw
 me.  I overheard them talking about me.  About it!  I think
 I had a bit of a breakdown,  I could not take it.  All through
 my third year I stayed in.  I saw no one.  I had given up on
 my little University world.  Everyone knew everything.  Because
 I didn't have anything to do I studied all the time.  I got a
 First and went to New York, Columbia, for a Masters.

 I took a deep breath of fresh air. Fantastic! It was great!
 Nobody knew me! If it hadn't been for the lousy beer it would
 have been perfect.  I met Laurie a few months later and we
 started to go out.  I'd seen her around in the cafeteria on
 campus, but it was only when I heard her give a paper on
 radical feminism that I really noticed her.  She wrote about
 the politics of oral sex.  She stood at the lectern in black
 jeans, white tee shirt, her hair tied back severely, her
 little fists clenching to emphasize a point. "Oral sex", she
 had concluded, "is degrading.  The worship of the phallus
 only serves to enforce the enslavement of women.  No woman
 should ever do it, and I certainly won't do it ever again.
 Ever.  Thank you."  She stepped down from the platform to
 rapturous applause from a room mainly filled by women.

 I was enraptured, entranced.  I had to get to know her.  Well,
 eventually we got it together.  Having no chocolate penis to
 rely on, I had to be myself and for a long time she wasn't
 interested.  Then it all happened. Nights discussing politics,
 poetry, walks in the park, old Cocteau movies.  Love, smooth
 and slow, calm as an angel.  About a year after we met, she
 was lying in my bed, naked, her black hair blooming like an
 impossible rose against my sheets, her flawless skin almost
 as white as they were.  I was so happy.

 I started to kiss her, to cover her with kisses. I wanted to
 adore her, to make her feel better than anything; sighs
 escaped her like wind from a wood across a wheat field...
 "No!" she said.  She took me by the scruff of the neck.
 "Not there!" I stopped.  "Why not?", I asked.  "I knew it",
 she said firmly.  "I won't do it to you in return.  I won't.
 Not..."  "I know,"  I assured her.  "I *want* to do it to you.
 I don't want you to do it to me, ever."  "You will", she said,
 "You will!  I knew this would happen..."  I didn't listen to
 her.  I knew.  There was no way I'd let her even if she
 wanted to.  Never.  I covered the insides of her thighs with
 my face and rested my hands on the tops of her legs.  I pushed
 them part slightly.  She resisted a little but then she opened
 her legs wider and I --

 I lifted my head up. "Guinness!" I cried, "Guinness!!"

Top
(S668)
     by John Graziano
     From: Comics.com on 10/21/2009
 Source: http://comics.com/ripleys_believe_it_or_not/
 

Top
Subj:     Your Favorite Lucky Charm (DU)
          From: RFSlick on 98-05-07

 Don't cheat! Before you read on . . . choose your favorite
 Lucky Charm marshmallow bit  from the list below . . .
    Pink hearts
    Yellow moons
    Orange stars
    Green clovers
    Blue diamonds
    Purple horseshoes
    Those icky oat bits

 Ok. Have you got one in mind? Now you can read on. And don't
 change it!
          \/

          \/

          \/

          \/

          \/

 Amazing new study shows that your favorite Lucky Charms
 marshmallow bit shape determines what you're like in bed!
 Yes, it's true-just take this simple test to determine your
 true bedroom personality:

 GREEN CLOVERS:
 If your favorite Lucky Charms marshmallow shape is the green
 clover, you're a happy-go-lucky type in bed. You don't take
 anything too seriously in the bedroom or elsewhere.  Green
 clovers always manage to have a good time, even if they don't
 have someone else with them.   Favorite body part:  hands.
 Green clover occupations: professional college student,
 environmental activist, waitperson.

 BLUE DIAMONDS:
 If your favorite marshmallow shape is the blue diamond,
 your thoughts in bed are mostly about what you'll get later.
 "If he really enjoys this, will he buy me that mink coat?"
 or "Do I have to sleep over after this?" is probably what's
 going through your mind.  People who like blue diamonds are
 most likely to watch tv while making love, and sex is not
 much more than a good workout.  Favorite body part: arms/
 legs.  Blue diamond occupations:  accountant, homemaker,
 researcher.

 ORANGE STARS:
 If your favorite shape is the orange star, you expect to
 be the center of attention in bed. You expect your partner
 to spend most of his or her time pleasing you and enthu-
 siastic moaning if not applause.  People who like orange
 stars often have mirrors around to be able to watch the
 action and have exhibitionist tendencies.  Favorite body
 part: face.  Orange star occupations:  marketing, actor,
 doctor.

 PINK HEARTS:
 If you like pink hearts, you're the romantic type.  You
 like your partner to whisper romantic phrases into your
 ear, and, if they are too distracted to form coherent
 phrases, you'll settle for hearing your name.  Pink
 hearts like to cuddle and sleep on flannel sheets.
 Favorite body part:  lips.  Pink heart occupations:
 teacher,  nurse, barry manilow.

 YELLOW MOONS:
 If you like yellow moons, you're a wolf-man or wolf-woman
 in bed.  You often howl at the moon, and your favorite
 positions are definitely primal.  Excess body hair might
 be a problem.  Yellow moons sleep in the nude even in
 sub-zero temperatures.  Favorite body part: breasts.
 Yellow moon occupations:  construction worker, stock-
 brocker, policeman/woman.

 PURPLE HORSESHOES:
 If you like purple horseshoes, you're the kinky  type.
 You enjoy satin sheets, handcuffs and art gallery openings.
 Your partners tend to resemble you, and others may question
 at times if you play for the other team.  Purple horseshoes
 like to watch porno movies to get in the mood.  Favorite
 body part:  penis.  Purple horsehoe occupations:  lawyer,
 movie producer, rock musician.

 ICKY OAT BITS:
 If you like icky oat bits, you don't have much, if any,
 experience in bed.  You are a little nerdy, but good at
 heart and tend to be the pocket-protector type.  Icky oat
 bit types have never tasted the sweeter side, but are
 eager to learn from an experienced teacher.  Favorite
 body part:  feet.  Icky oat bit occupations:  engineer,
 xerox  repairperson, telemarketer.

Top
Subj:     Candy Bar Sex (S13, S401b)
          From: TNKRTEACH on 97-04-30

 It was another Payday, and I was tired of being Mr. Goodbar.
 So I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the
 corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue, and I whipped out my Whopper
 and whispered, "Hey Sweetart, how'd you like to Krunch on my
 Big Hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?"

 Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and, Uno,
 it was like pure Almond Joy.  I couldn't help but grab her
 delicious Mounds 'cause it was easy to see that this little
 Twix had the Red Hots.  It was all I could do to hold back
 a Snicker and a Krackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight
 little Kit Kat and she started to scream "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!"

 Soon she was fondling my Peter Paul and Zagnuts and I knew it
 wouldn't be long before I blew my Milkduds clear to Mars and
 gave her a taste of the old Milky Way.  She asked if I was
 into M?M, but I said "Hey Chiclet, no kinky stuff." I said
 "Look you little Reese Piece, don't be a Zero be a Lifesaver.
 Why don't you just take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your
 Bit O'Honey?" (And what a piece of JuicyFruit she was, too).

 She screamed, "Oh Crackerjack, you're better than the Three
 Musketeers!"  as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and
 into her Peanut Butter Cup.  Well, I was givin' it to her
 Good 'n' Plenty, when all of the sudden...my Starburst!

 Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow a bit Chunky
 and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach.  Sure enough,
 nine months later, out popped............a Baby Ruth!

 So be carefull what candy you eat ! ! !

Top
Second version

Subj:     The Birth Of A Candy Bar
          From: The Bartender Joke Of The Day on 07/05/97

 One Payday Mr. Goodbar wanted a Bit O'Honey so he took Miss
 Hershey back in the Power House on the corner of Clark and
 Fifth Ave.  He began to feel her Mounds and that was sure
 Almond Joy which made his Tootsie Roll.  He let out a Snicker
 and his Butterfingers went up her Kit Kat and caused a Milky
 Way.  She screamed "O Henry" and squeezed his Zagnuts.  Miss
 Hershey said you were even better than the Three Musketeers.
 Soon she was a bit Chunky.  Nine months later she had a Baby
 Ruth.

Top
Subj:     The Birth Of A Candy Bar II (S476b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 2/20/2006
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A19930617

 You can view this cute picture version of the birth of a candy
 bar at the source above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Top Ten Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Men (S623b)

 10.  Chocolate doesn't criticize you.
  9.  Your parents always approve of your chocolate.
  8.  Chocolate doesn't cheat on you.
  7.  You can eat chocolate in bed and it doesn't make a mess.
  6.  You ALWAYS know where your chocolate's been.
  5.  Chocolate doesn't whine if you won't go down on it.
  4.  Chocolate can't LEAVE you.
  3.  You don't need to make flimsy "headache" excuses to chocolate.
  2.  Chocolate doesn't go out with The Guys and leave you home.
  And the number one reason why Chocolate is better than Men:
  1.  Chocolate ALWAYS tastes great!

Top
Subj:     Top Twenty Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex: (S123)
          From: Internet Joke Archive
      and From: RFSlick on 6/3/99

  1.  You can GET chocolate.
  2.  "If you love me you'll swallow that" has
      real meaning with chocolate.
  3.  Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
  4.  You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
  5.  You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
  6.  You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
  7.  If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
  8.  Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without
      being called nasty names.
  9.  The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
 10.  You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk
      during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
 11.  You can ask a stranger for chocolate without
      getting your face slapped.
 12.  You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
 13.  With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
 14.  Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
 15.  You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
 16.  Good chocolate is easy to find.
 17.  You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
 18.  You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
 19.  When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
 20.  With chocolate size doesn't matter.

Top
Subj:     Short Chocolate Jokes

 Q: Why is chocolate better than sex?
 A: When you're done you still think its a good idea
    to lick your fingers.

 Q: Why is chocolate better than sex?
 A: You can have chocolate even with your mother.

 Q: Why is chocolate better than sex?
 A: Chocolate doesn't care how big your tits are.

 Q: How do we know God is a man?
 A: Because if God were a woman, sperm would taste
    like chocolate.

From: jcary on 99-01-18
 Q: What's the definition of the perfect male lover?
 A: He makes love until 2 a.m. then turns into chocolate.

From: auntieg on 99-02-03
 Q: Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
 A: Because no one wants to quit.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #4 on 98-01-04
 Men are like chocolate bars....
   sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

From: Anaise on 98-10-19
 Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some
 of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana....
 The researchers also discovered other similarities between
 the two, but can't remember what they are.
   --  Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22

From: WSelwa on 6/23/99 (S129)
 "Life is like a box of chocolates." -- Forrest Gump

From: Imogenelumen on 11/28/2003 (S357b)
 "Life isn't like a box of chocolates...
  it's more like a jar of jalapenos.
  What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Top
Subj:     M and M's
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 12/29/97

 Whenever I get a package of plain M?Ms, I make it my duty
 to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a
 species. To this end, I hold M?M duels.

 Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I
 apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them
 cracks and splinters.  That is the "loser," and I eat the
 inferior one immediately.  The winner gets to go another
 round.

 I have found that, in general, the brown and red M?Ms are
 tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior.
 I have hypothesized that the blue M?Ms as a race cannot
 survive long in the intense theatre of competition that
 is the modern candy and snack-food world.

 Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is mis-
 shapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest.  Almost
 invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare
 occasions it gives the candy extra strength.  In this way,
 the species continues to adapt to its environment.

 When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M?M,
 the strongest of the herd.  Since it would make no sense
 to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope
 and send it to M?M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc.,
 Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card
 reading, "Please use this M?M for breeding purposes."

 This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a
 coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M?Ms.  I consider
 this "grant money."  I have set aside the weekend for a
 grand tournament.  From a field of hundreds, we will
 discover the True Champion.

 There can be only one.


Subj:     Short Candy Jokes

Top
Subj:     Nestle Crunch Hot Line (S683d)
          From:  LABLaughsAdult
          on 2/10/2010 (in phone-supp)
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lF_pz3wmXos
 Call the Nestle Crunch Hot line at 1-800-295-0051. When you
 are asked if you want to continue in English or Spanish,
 just wait quietly for about 10 seconds and you will smile.
 Promise! (If you comment on this after listening, don't give
 away the surprise) Keep going and press 4...listen to the
 options....then press 7

 I had to dial the number eight times in the middle of the
 night to listen to their hot line.  Click on the above
 source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see video of their
 hot line fun.
 

Top
Subj:     Exercise Is A Dirty Word (S504b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 9/14/2006
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C19990817
 This great cartoon and quote by Charles Schulz can be seen
 at the source above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Little Billy Eats Six Candy Bars (S356b, S546c)
          From: Imogenelumen on 11/20/2003
      and From: darrell94590 on 6/27/2007
Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images
 Little BILLY was sitting on a park bench munching on one
 candy bar after another.  After the 6th one, a man on the
 bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that
 candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your
 teeth, and make you fat."

 Little BILLY replied, "You know, my grandfather lived to
 be 107 years old."

 "Oh?" replied the man. "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy
 bars at a time?

 "No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own fucking business!!"
 

Top
Subj:     The History Of Chocolate (S482b)
          From: igiggle on 4/22/2006
Source: http://www.fieldmuseum.org/chocolate/history.html
 If you have a love affair with chocolate, visit the above site.
 The history of chocolate is quite fascinating.
 

Top
Subj:     Ben and Jerry's New Presidential Flavors: (S94)
          From: FrankRoesc on 98-11-14

                     Impeach-Mint
                  Subpoena Butter Cup
                   Fundraising Coffee
                  Oval Office Surprise
                    Arkansas Smoothie
                     Hyperactive Nuts
                       Scandalberry
 

Top
Subj:     What Is Six Inches Long? (S467b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 12/28/2005
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20051228
 You can view this cartoon at the source above, or on my web
 site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Chocolate Button (S486c)
          From: jbcary1 on 5/15/2006
 

 

 Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that
   makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.

 The Baby Ruth candy bar was actually named after Grover
 Cleveland's baby daughter, Ruth.

 Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan.

 Did you know that there are coffee flavored PEZ?

From: Bawdy.Net #278 on 99-01-15
 I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

From: cturley on 6/12/99 (S124)
 "Lickers always end up biting through to the Tootsie Roll
  center when the candy shell is thin enough." -  Rubywand

From: LABLaughs.com on 2/13/2003 (S315b)
 A little nonsense now and then is relished by the
 wisest men.  -- Willy Wonka

From: joke-of-the-day.com on 3/24/2003 (S327b)
 There's nothing better than a good friend, except a good
 friend with CHOCOLATE!  -- Linda Grayson

From: JBCARY1 on 7/15/2003 (S338b)
 "Life isn't like a box of chocolates...
 it's more like a jar of jalapenos."
 What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow

 Clearly it is not the lovelorn sufferer who seeks solace
 in chocolate, but rather the chocolate-deprived individual,
 who, desperate, seeks in mere love a pale approximation of
 bittersweet euphoria.
 -- Sandra Boynton "Chocolate - The Consuming Passion"

From: LABLaughsClean on 6/6/2010 (S702)
 Scientists have found chocolate has a chemical
 that helps counteract depression.
 

From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
 Q: Why don't they make white M and M's?
 A: Because they'd enslave the brown M and Ms, steal all the
    red M and Ms' land, accuse the yellow M andMs of obstructing
    trade, and complain that the damn coffee M and Ms were
    taking all their jobs.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #247 on 98-05-16
 Q: What do Lifesavers do that a man can't?
 A: Come in eight flavors.

From: kmacinty on 6/23/2002 (S282b)
 Q: What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
 A: S and M and M

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
............................From The Good Life in Paradise
.
.
.