Subj:     Cars-Supp 3 Jokes
..........(Includes 30 jokes, 30 1047,22,cif,wXT2a5a,16)

..........Updated through Official Fiat 500X Teaser

Disney Car  from
Includes the following:  Honda The Power Of Dreams - Video (S978)
.........................SNL Mercedes AA Class (S1020)
.........................Jeff Gordon: Test Drive 2 - Pepsi Ad (S947)
.........................Girl Has Device That Causes Cars To Break Down
.........................Toyota i-Road - Commercial (S941)
.........................Repairing Your Car At K-Mart (S190, S403)
.........................Photo Puzzle (S898)
.........................The Dancing Traffic Light - Video (S924)
.........................Crazy Female Drivers (S189, S535c)
.........................Snoopy - Obey The Road Signs  (S1023)
.........................Official Fiat 500X Teaser - Blue Pill - Ad (S930)
.........................Toyota Vs Ford (S556b)
.........................Pipe Found In My Car - Photo (S1015)
.........................1920s Oilfield Dodge Promotional Film (S921)
.........................You Know You Drive A Beater If: (S160)
.........................Bizarro Cartoon (S1017)
.........................Dune Buggy That Can Fly - Video (S903)
.........................Red Giant Car Grinder - Video (S914)
.........................Car Keys (S902)
.........................The Epic Split By Jean-Claude Van Damme Video (S885)
.........................Chuck Norris' Christmas Splits - Video (S885)
.........................Final Words Before Crashes (S195)
.........................Bizarro II Cartoon (S1031)
.........................Top Gear: The Smallest Car In The World - Video (S870)
.........................Woman w/Sick Kid Locks Keys In Car (S147, S369b)
.........................150 Old Vehicles Videos and Movies (S1000)
.........................Miniature Cars In Elgin Park - Video (S1047)
.........................Short Car Jokes
..............................Best Friends Cross A Street - Video (S896)
..............................Rush Hour Intersection Traffic - Video (S927)
..............................Radio Flyer Car - Video (S949)

Subj:     Honda The Power Of Dreams
          Produced by Honda (S978d-iFrame)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/fLCEd8xk1BE
.......Click 'HERE' to see a take a journey through six
.......decades of Honda innovation as multiple animators
.......manipulate thousands of hand-drawn illustrations.
Subj:     SNL Mercedes AA Class
          From: sam.hutkins
..........in 2016 (S1020d-iFrame)
 Source: www.youtube.com/0k1tbf8muMc
 Click 'HERE' to see Julia Louis-Dreyfus mocked the Mercedes
 A Class car on 'Saturday Night Live' with a commercial for
 the new Mercedes AA Class, which she noted is the 'first
 fully electric luxury sedan powered entirely by AA batteries.'

Subj:     Jeff Gordon: Test Drive 2
          Made by Pepsi (S947d-iFrame)
          From: tom in 2015
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/tRLvMUYcap8

 Racing champion Jeff Gordon teams up with Pepsi MAX to
 pull a prank on an unsuspecting automotive journalist,
 Travis Okulski, who had questioned the authenticity
 of the original 'Test Drive.'  Click 'HERE' to watch
 Travis get the ride of his life.

Subj:     Girl Has Device That Causes Cars To Break Down
          From: RFSlick in 1998

 A girl had devised a device to cause any car that passed in
 front of her house to suddenly break down but couldn't find
 any practical way to profit from it.  So, thinking clearly,
 she set up the device, and as the cars passed the house and
 broke down, she'd offer the man in the car a place to stay
 for the night.  Then as soon as the man was asleep, he'd be
 jarred awake by her with his penis in her mouth, and she'd
 hold a sign up saying "$50 or I'll bite hard!".  Of course
 usually the guy would pay and she'd let him go.

 Well one day a Wisconsinite broke down, and had to stay
 the night.  Sure enough, he felt something between his legs
 at night, and there she is with him in her mouth and holding
 the sign "$50 or I'll bite."

 The Wisconsinite just smiled and said "$100 or I'll piss!"

Subj:     Toyota i-Road (S941d)
          By Toyota Global (S941d-iFrame)
          From: Kathryn Jean Brosseau
 Source1: www.youtube.com/embed/p4ZnaDE4Fxk
 Source2: www.facebook.com/v=696857933708348
 Source3: www.gizmag.com/toyota-i-road-electric-

 The goal of Toyota is to provide a personal mobility,
 which can be used on roads but also does not hinder
 interaction with pedestrians.

 The i-Road is an electric personal mobility vehicle
 with two in-line seats, that leans into the corners
 like a motorcycle.  With only five horsepower, a top
 speed of 45 km/h (30 mph), and a range of 50 km
 (30 mi), the i-Road is aimed squarely at an urban
 transport market.

 Click 'HERE' to see this beautiful, urban vehicle.

Subj:     Repairing Your Car At K-Mart (S190, S403)
          From: RFSlick in 2000

 From the Sydney Morning Herald Australia comes this story of
 a central west couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to
 have their car break down in the parking lot.  The man told
 his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.

 The wife returned later to see a small group of people near
 the car.  On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs
 protruding from under the chassis.  Although the man was in
 shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into
 glaringly public ones.

 Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward
 and tucked everything back into place.  On regaining her feet
 she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her
 husband who was standing idly by.  The mechanic, however, had
 to have three stitches in his head.

Subj:     Photo Puzzle (S898)
          From: George Takei in 2014
 Source: www.facebook.com/georgehtakei/a.223098324386
..........See the bottom of this page for the answer.
Subj:.....The Dancing Traffic Light
          By Smart (S924d-iFrame)
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/SB_0vRnkeOk

 We believe that smart ideas can turn the city into a better
 place. Like a dancing traffic light that makes people wait
 and watch rather than walk through the red light.  Click
 'HERE' to see this great idea.

Subj:     Crazy Female Drivers (S189, S535c)
          From: DoctorDebt in 2003

 (See 'Those Crazy Women Drivers' in Cars3)

 I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female
 driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him
 to have to drive on to the shoulder.  This evidently
 pissed the driver off enough that he hung his head out
 his window and flipped the woman off.

 "Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myself.  I ALWAYS
 smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a
 female does anything to me in traffic and here's why:

 I drive 38 miles each way every day to work, that's 76
 miles.  Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.
 Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8-lane highway so
 if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means
 I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane.
 That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.  That works
 out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

 Even though the rest of the 34 miles is not bumper to
 bumper.  I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.
 That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I
 pass every day.  Statistically half of these are driven
 by females, that's 18,000.

 In any given group of females one in twenty-eight are
 having the worst day of their period.  That's 642.
 According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life
 as dissatisfying or unrewarding, that's 449.  According
 to the National Institutes of Health, 22% of all females
 have seriously considered suicide or homicide, that's
 98.  And 34% describe men as their biggest problem,
 that's 33.

 According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all
 females carry weapons and this number is increasing.
 That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least
 one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are
 her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide
 or homicide, is having the worst day of her period,
 AND is armed.

 No matter what she does in traffic, I wouldn't DREAM
 of flipping her off.

Subj:     Snoopy - Obey The Road Signs (S1023)
          From: Phyllis Lazarek on Facebook in 2016
 Source: www.s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/80/
Subj:     Official Fiat 500X 
.............Teaser - Blue Pill
          in 2014(S930d-iFrame)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/3dwIyjSmu6M

 The Fiat 500X is bigger, more powerful and ready for action.
 In this official Fiat 500X commercial everyone who comes into
 contact with the 500x gets a little excited and you will too.
 Click 'HERE' to see this very creative, Italian commercial.

Subj:     Toyota Vs Ford (S556b)
          From: hellgunner50 on 9/12/2007

 Sorry to say it's true.  Just a good way to get the point

 Subject: American Management

 A Japanese company (Toyota) and an American company (Ford)
 decided to have a canoe race on Lake Erie.  Both teams
 practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance
 before the race.

 On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.  The Americans,
 very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the
 reason for such a crushing defeat.  A management team made
 up of senior executives was formed to look into the matter
 and recommend appropriate action.

 Their conclusion was the Japanese had eight people rowing
 and one person steering, while the American team had eight
 people steering and one person rowing.

 Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management
 hired a distinguished consulting firm and paid it a large
 amount of money for a second opinion.  The consultants,
 of course, advised that too many people were steering the
 boat, while not enough people were rowing.

 Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting
 to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the American
 team's management structure was totally reorganized to
 four steering supervisors, three area steering super-
 intendents, one assistant superintendent steering manager
 and one person rowing.

 They also implemented a new performance system that would
 give the rower a greater incentive to work harder.  It
 was called the "Rowing Team Quality First Program," with
 meetings, dinners, free pens and a certificate of
 completion for the rower.  There was much spirited
 discussion regarding new paddles, a redesigned canoe and
 extra vacation days and bonuses for practices sessions.

 The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

 Humiliated, American management laid off the rower (a
 reduction in workforce) for poor performance, halted
 development of a new canoe, sold the paddles and canceled
 all capital investments for new equipment.  The money
 saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses,
 and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India.

 Sadly, . . . The End.

 However sad, but oh so true, here's something else to think
 about: Ford has spent the last thirty years moving its
 factories out of the U.S., claiming it can't make money
 paying American wages.

 Toyota has spent the last thirty years building more than
 a dozen plants inside the U.S.

 The last quarter's results: Toyota made 4 billion in
 profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses.

 Ford folks are still scratching their heads.


Subj:     Pipe Found In My Car (S1015)
          From: bletterman265 on 6/25/2016
 Source: https://pics.onsizzle.com/Facebook-926631.png
Subj:     1920s Oilfield Dodge Promotional Film (S921d)
          From: darrelldre
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/nq2jY1trxqg

 In this 1920s promotional film, vintage Dodge Brothers sedans
 drive down muddy roads and across muddy fields to get to the
 gushing oil well.  Click 'HERE' to see how cars used to drive
 through mud.

Subj:     You Know You Drive A Beater If: (S160)
          From: mbucher on 02/12/2000

 Your rear fenders have lots of dings OUTWARD from tools and
    spare parts flying around in the trunk when you corner.

 You car has the "keyless entry" feature.  Both locks are
    broken and unusable.

 You wipe the spilled oil off the valve cover with a rag, and
    then you wipe the excess wheel bearing grease off your
    hand on the fender.

 You double the book value of your car when you fill the tank.

 You are really pissed that you scratched the edges of you
    Coleman canoe because you didn't put a blanket on the
    roof of your car when you carried it up there to the lake.

 Nobody wants to steal it or even brush up against it.

 It was stolen once and found two blocks way, on the same street.

 Curbs are minor inconveniences and in no way limit the paved
    surfaces your car has access to.

 You remove the snow from your car with the same metal shovel
    you cleared the driveway with.

 10 to 15 pounds of roadsalt on the car doesn't faze you,
    in fact, you think it kinda looks cool.

 You drive through an exclusive section of town the cops
    ALWAYS follow you.

 After you nail a particularly nasty pothole your first impulse
    is to see if you bent a wheel, your second impulse is to
    make sure no chunks of sheetmetal are missing.

 The keys haven't been out of the ignition for over a year.

 Your car uses more "other" fluids than gasoline.

 The cost to fill the tank is more than your yearly excise tax.

 At your local car club show, you easily win the "Best Use of
    Body Fillers and Assorted Adhesives" class every year.

 10 seconds after shifting into park it backfires so loudly
    that everyone in a 1/2 block radius hits the deck. You
    have the timing of this backfire down pat.  As you walk
    away, you turn and fake "shooting at your car" with a
    "gun hand" just as it backfires.

 You think you can get "another hundred thousand out of it easy".

 You give it away when you are done with it.

 You CAN'T give it away when you are done with it.

 You will never be DONE with it.

 You really like the tires are on the car because "they hold air".

 After a minor fender bender with lamp post some stuff that was
    stuck or broken starts working again.

 It was broken into but nothing was taken.

 You got drunk once and "waxed it" with a bucket of industrial
    floor polish and a mop. It didn't bother you the next day,
    in fact in hindsight you are kind of proud of thinking
    that up.

 The kids use it for a backstop when playing baseball.

 You are on retainer as a consultant for 3M's duct tape division.

 You use the oil from your dipstick rag to clean bugs off your

 You have a total of six lug nuts still performing their intended

 Your idea of a "theftproof" gas cap is to snake a tie-wrap
    through the rag.

 A small field mouse has moved into the hole where the trunk
    lock used to be.

 [AND, my all time favorite....]

 Your car gets "keyed" and you try to make a design out of the
    scratch with YOUR keys.

Subj:     Bizarro Cartoon (S1017)
          By Dan Piraro on 7/12/2017
 Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/july-12-2016/
Subj:     Dune Buggy That Can Fly (S903d)
          From: CNNMoney
Photo from YouTube.com...
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/_iYT8eg1F8s
 Source2: http://blog.petflow.com/cnn-report

 Part all-terrain dune buggy, part light-sport aircraft,
 the Skyrunner is the ultimate recreational sports vehicle!
 After almost three years in development, this power
 parachute dune buggy is on track to hit the market in 2014.
 Made by UK company Parajet International, the vehicle has
 a turbo engine and propeller in the back and it's
 apparently very easy to use.  Best of all, you don't
 need a runway.  This baby can cruise through any open
 space area.

 Click 'HERE' to see this flying car.

Subj:     Red Giant Car Grinder (S914d)
          From: rfslick on 7/18/2014
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/iwQf3gsZSTw

 For those of you who've always been intrigued by wood chippers,
 stump grinders, rock wheels, and other machines of destruction,
 we bring you the 'Car Grinder.'

 Click 'HERE' to see this amazing machine grind-up cars.

Subj:     Car Keys (S902)
          From: tom on 4/28/2014

 Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately
 gave myself a personal TSA pat down.  I was looking for my
 keys. They were not in my pockets.  A quick search in the
 meeting room revealed nothing.  Suddenly I realized I must
 have left them in the car.  Frantically, I headed for the
 parking lot.  My husband has scolded me many times for leaving
 the keys in the ignition.  My theory is the ignition is the
 best place not to lose them.  His theory is that the car will
 be stolen.

 As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion.
 His theory was right.  The parking lot was empty.  I immediately
 called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had
 left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

 Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered;
 (I always call him "honey" in times like these.)  "I left my
 keys in the car and it's been stolen."

 There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been
 dropped, but then I heard his voice.  "Are you kidding' me",
 he barked, "I dropped you off"!!!

 Now it was my time to be silent.  Embarrassed, I said, "Well,
 come and get me."  He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince
 this cop I didn't steal your car."

 Yep, it's the golden years................

Subj:     The Epic Split By 
.............Jean-Claude Van Damme (S885d)
          Made by Volvo Trucks
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/M7FIvfx5J10

 Jean-Claude Van Damme takes the lead role in Volvo Trucks'
 latest film titled The Epic Split. The backing music is
 Only Time by Enya.  Click 'HERE' to watch Jean-Claude
 Van Damme carry out his famous split between two trucks
 traveling in reverse.
Subj:     Chuck Norris' Christmas Splits (S885d)
          Made by DelovDigital
          From: Wimp.com on 12/25/2013
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/T-D1KVIuvjA
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/christmassplits/

 Hungarian creative agency Delov Digital parodies the Jean-
 Claude Van Damme epic splits commercial from Volvo Trucks.
 In this Christmas-themed version, Chuck Norris performs
 his own epic splits high in the sky between two airplanes.
 Click 'HERE' to see this cute spoof of Van Damme's amazing
Subj:     Final Words Before Crashes (S195)
          From: thebartend on 10/24/2000

 The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged
 they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for
 the past fivey ears, whereby the auto makers were installing
 black boxes in  four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort
 to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the
 last 15 seconds before the crash.

 They were surprised to find in 45 of the 50 states the last
 words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were,

 "Oh, Shit!"

 Only the states of North Carolina, South Carolina, Missouri,
 Georgia and Alabama were different, where over 89.3 percent
 of the final words were:

 "Hold my beer and watch this!"

Subj:     Bizarro II Cartoon (S1031)
          By Dan Piraro on 10/9/2016
 Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/october-9-2016/
Subj:     Top Gear: The Smallest Car In The World (S870d)
          From: AFine963 on 9/3/2013
Photo from PeelEngineering
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/dJfSS0ZXYdo

 Jeremy Clarkson drives the Peel P50, the world's smallest
 production car to work and even takes it into the lift in
 this hilarious clip from BBC's Top Gear.  Watch out for
 cameos from John Humphries when he kidnaps the car and
 Fiona Bruce in the lift!

 Click 'HERE' to this amazing, small car.

Subj:     Woman w/Sick Kid Locks Keys In Car (S147, S369b)
          From: RFSlick on 11/20/1999
      and From: Imogenelumen on 2/10/2004

 Sometimes he sends what we need, not necessarily what we expect.

 A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her
 daughter was very sick with a fever.  She left her work and
 stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication for her daughter.

 When returning to her car she found that she had locked her keys
 in the car.  She was in a hurry to get home to her sick daughter,
 she didn't know what to do, so she called her home and told the
 baby sitter what had happened and that she did not know what to

 The baby sitter told her that her daughter was getting worse.
 She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the
 door".  The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger
 that had been thrown down on the ground possibly by someone else
 who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car.

 Then she looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use
 this."So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help.
 Within five minutes in old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty,
 greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his

 The woman thought, "Great God. This is what you sent to help me????"
 But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.  The man
 got out of his car and asked her if he could help.  She said "Yes,
 my daughter is very sick......I stopped to get her some medication
 and I locked my keys in my car, I must get home to her.  Please,
 can you use this hanger to unlock my car."

 He said, "SURE".  He walked over to the car, and in less than one
 minute the car was opened.  She hugged the man and through her
 tears she said, "THANK YOU SO MUCH..... You are a very nice man."

 The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man.  I just got out of
 prison today.  I was in prison for car theft and have only been
 out for about an hour.

 The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out

Subj:     150 Old Vehicles Videos and Movies 
          From: bill7808 on 3/11/2016 (S1000)
 At: http://www.tvraaca.org/oldmovies.htm#movie
 Click on the video camera on the right at the above
 source to see these nostalgic videos.

Subj:     Miniature Cars In Elgin Park (S1047d)
          Published by National Geographic
          From: Roger Ford on Facebook on 1/30/2017
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/upwyB9YegdU
 Click 'HERE' to see artist Michael Paul Smith created
 a 1950s utopian town, Elgin Park, out of miniatures. 

Subj:     Short Car Jokes

Subj:     Best Friends Cross A Street (S896d)
          From: This is Why I Love You
          on Facebook on 3/17/2014
 Source: (Removed from facebook.com/photo)
 Two best friends cross a busy street in this sixteen second
 video. I hope this very funny, sad video is a fake.  Click
 'HERE' to see it.

Subj:     Rush Hour Intersection Traffic (S927d)
          From: Michael Lagrimas on Facebook
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/ufK2XRGUjuc
 Source2: https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=390927387731659
 Argentinean director Fernando Livschitz of Black Sheep Films
 transforms a busy intersection into a choreographed dance by
 cloning cars, bikes, and people.  Titled "Rush Hour", this
 cleverly edited video will make you appreciate the smooth
 flow of traffic.  Click 'HERE' to see this beautiful video.

Subj:     Radio Flyer Car (S949d)
          Made by Michael Nederbrock
          From: AFine963 on 3/18/2015
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/-1w48qPF5hc
 A Wasilla, AK couple turns pickup into a Radio Flyer Wagon
 in this KTUU News story by Michael Nederbrock.  Click
 'HERE' for my copy, to learn more.

Subj:     Photo Puzzle Answer

..........See top of page for the puzzle
...............................From Animated-GIFs.eu