..........(Includes 65 jokes and articles, 07 1095,23,cL2f,wYT2b3,15)
Click "Here" for Clothing-Supp
Also see ARAB file
And Jewish Tie Salesman'
BAR2 file - 'Woman With Skin-Tight Pants In Bar'
BIRTHDAYS - 'What Do You Want For Your Birthday?'
BODY_PRTS-SUP- 'Zipper On Bare Back Body Paint' - Photo
BREAST file - 'Cute T-Shirt'
......................- 'Husband Buys Bra For Wife'
BRAINTSRS-SUP- 'Your Shoes Can Tell You Your Age'
BUGS_ETC file- 'Man Buys Centipede As Pet'
BUTLER-MAID - 'Butler's Night Off'
CAMEL file - 'Sex Like A Camel'
CHRISTMAS-SUP- 'The Christmas Shoes Song By NewSong' - Video
COWBOY file - 'Buying Cowboy Boots'
COWBOY2 file - 'Cowboy Poetry - Women's Underwear'
DATING2 file - 'The Mink Coat'
ELDERLY2 file- 'A Phone Call To Grandpa' - Video
FACTS4 file - 'Underwear Factory In Russia'
FUNERAL file - 'Blue Suit For Her Husband'
Hotel file - 'Motel Guest Wants A Haircut'
JEWISH3 file - 'The Taylor' - Video
JUDGE-SUPP - 'Man Eats Underwear'
MARRIAGE5 - 'Husband Buys Lingerie For Wife'
MEN2 file - 'Men In Coats'
OTHER-OCCUP - 'Shoe Repair'
PENIS3 file - 'Penis Stuck In Zippers'
PHYSICS1 - 'Heavy Boots'
POETRY-SUPP - 'Mirror Mirror' - Poem
PREACHER file- 'The Zipper' - Video
PUSSY file - 'Buying Shoes Without Knickers'
PUSSY-SUPP - 'Martina Hill Goes Searching' - Video
RIDDLE file - 'A What Am I Riddle #18'
RIDDLE-SUPP - 'A What Am I Riddle #39'
RIDDLE-SUPP2 - 'What Am I Doing? - Riddle'
SCHOOL2 file - 'Kindergartener's Boots (S215)
SHIPS file - 'Elderly Lady w/Hat On Ship'
SLOGANS_ETC - 'T-Shirt Slogans'
SPERM file - 'Taking Your Dress To the Cleaners'
TEAR JERKER2 - 'A Little Boy In New York'
THANKSGIV-SUP- 'Old Navy Presents The Gobble' - Video
.........THGHTS-LRN-SU- 'Happiness Tank Top by Ritu Ghatourey'
TRUCK-BUS - 'Helping A Lady On The Bus'
WEDDING file - 'Mother's Wedding Dress'
WED-HONEYMOON- 'Newly Wed Couple And Their Pants'
WOMAN1 file - 'Lady Looses Her Handbag'
......................- 'Lady Looses Her Handbag II'
WOMEN2 file - 'The Flasher'
WORD JOKES2 - 'The Definition of 'Normal''
Subj: Pickles Comic Strip (S971)
By Brian Crane on 06/27/2015
Subj: Man Buys Gloves For Woman (S34)
From: BEN'S JOKE PAGE
Source: (Removed from email@example.com)
A young man wanted to purchase
a gift for his new sweetheart's
birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after
careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would
strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's
younger sister, he went to
Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister
purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk
mixed up the items and the
sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties.
Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the
package and sent it to his sweetheart with the
"I chose these because I noticed
that you are not in the
habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it
had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long
ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are
easier to remove.
"These are a delicate shade,
but the lady I bought them
from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past
three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try
yours on for me and she looked really smart.
"I wish I was there to put them
on for you the first time,
as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them
before I have a chance to see you again.
"When you take them off, remember
to blow in them before
putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp
"Just think how many times I
will kiss them during the
coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday
night. All my love.
"P.S. The latest style
is to wear them folded down with
a little fur showing."
Best Way To Sell Men's Underwear
From: jbcary1 in 2006
JBS is Denmark's largest and
leading underwear manufacturer.
This is a brilliant ad campaign 'Cause men don't want to
look at other half naked men.' Click 'HERE' to see this
very sexy, jockey shorts ad.
Subj: Underwear Dust (S593b)
From: jbcary1 on 5/28/2008
One evening a husband, thinking
he was being funny, said to
his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in
Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'
His wife was not amused, and
decided that she simply couldn't
let such a comment go un-rewarded.
The next morning the husband
took a pair of underwear out of
his drawer. 'What the Heck is this??' he said to himself as
a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'April,'
he hollered into the bathroom, 'why did you put talcum powder
in my underwear?'
She replied ...'It's not talcum powder......It's 'Miracle Grow'
Subj: Men And Women's Buttons (S365b, S548)
From: igiggle on 12/30/2003
There is a reason why men's clothes
have buttons on the
right while women have buttons on the left. What is it?
Scroll down for the answer
Here it comes
Most people are right handed
and find it easier to fasten
a button which is on the right through a hole which is on
the left. This is why men's buttons are on the right.
When buttons were first used it was rich people who could
afford clothes with buttons. Among this class the ladies
were often dressed by maid servants. The servant would
face the lady and so it was easier for right handed
servants to fasten buttons which were on the lady's left.
Magic Cloths (S587d-iFrame)
From: darrellvip in 2008
This magic show on 'America's
Got talent' is amazing.
You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Three Guys Get Army Uniforms (S415b)
From: DafterLafter on 1/10/2005
Three guys were joining the Army.
One was an Italian, one
was an Irishman, and one was Polish. They are standing in
line to get their issued clothes and underwear. They reach
the guy who is handing out the underwear and he asks the
Italian guy, "How many pair of underwear do you want?" The
Italian guy answers, "I'll have 7 pair...one for each day of
the week." So the guy gives him his 7 pair and he moves on.
Next comes the Irishman and he asks, "How many pair of
underwear do you want?" The Irishman answers, " I'll have 6
pair...one for each day of the week, and I'll wear the same
ones on Sunday, that I wore on Saturday." So the guy says ok
and hands him his 6 pair and moves on. Last comes the Polish
guy and he asks, " Alright, how many pair of underwear do
you want?" The Polish guys answers, " I'll take 12 pair."
This surprises the guy and he shouts, "12 pair! What the heck
do you need 12 pair of underwear for?" The Polish guy says,
"Yes, 12 pair. One for each month of the year!"
Subj: Close To Home Cartoons (S940)
Drawn by John McPherson
From: Diane J Swinehart shared George Takei's photo
Subj: A Woman And Her Desires (S411)
From: JokesUncut on 12/6/2004
The woman entered the room, and
with a knowing smile teasing
her full lips,she sank into the comfort of the plush chair
in the corner. The handsome stranger turned, having sensed
her approach. Locking his steely gray eyes on hers, he
moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her,
hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance. He sank
to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly
released her from her constraining attire.
With a sigh of surrender, she
allowed his foreign hands to
unleash her bare flesh. He expertly guided his hands
through this tender, often hidden territory, his movements
deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every
need. Her senses swam.
She was overcome with an aching
desire that had gone
unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that
ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one
heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too big! - it
will never fit!"
Then, with a sudden rush, it
slid into place as if it had
been made only for her! As pleasure and contentment washed
over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude
shining in her eyes. And he knew it wouldn't be long before
Oh, yes, this woman would want
more. She would want to do
it again and again and again. Don't cha just LOVE shopping
Underwear Cops (S575c)
From: rfslick in 2008
..........(d-iFrame, in Police-Supp)
Two cops just wearing underpants
on their bottoms pull
over women drivers. This video is funny and cute. You
can view it by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: High Heel Evidence (S402)
From: DafterLafter on 7/14/2004
One night a fellow drove his
secretary home after she had
imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although
this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it
to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.
The next night the man and his
wife were driving to a res-
taurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel
shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to
be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out
her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out
of the car.
With a sigh of relief, he pulled
into the restaurant parking
lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her
seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"
Subj: Grandma's Apron (S396)
..........From: Imogenelumen on 8/17/2004
The principle use of Grandma's
apron was to protect the dress
underneath, but along with that, it served as a holder for
removing hot pans from the oven; it was wonderful for drying
children's tears, and on occasion was even used for cleaning
out dirty ears.
From the chicken-coop the apron
was used for carrying eggs,
fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished
in the warming oven.
When company came those old aprons
were ideal hiding places
for shy kids; and when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped
it around her arms.
Those big old aprons wiped many
a perspiring brow, bent over
the hot wood stove. Chips and kindling-wood were brought
into the kitchen in that apron.
From the garden it carried all
sorts of vegetables. After
the peas had been shelled it carried out the hulls.
In the fall it was used to bring
in apples that had fallen
from the trees. When unexpected company drove up the road,
it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could
dust in a matter of seconds.
When dinner was ready, Grandma
walked out on the porch and
waved her apron, and the men knew it was time to come in
from the fields for dinner.
It will be a long time before
anyone invents something that
will replace that old-time apron that served so many purposes.
From the Heart of America
Subj: Evidence of Global Warming I and II (S464b)
From: Dickschu on 12/9/2005
............To see the photo from jbcary1, click 'HERE'.
Subj: Store Sells Ugly Suit (S344b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 9/2/2003
When the store manager returned
from lunch, he was surprised
to see that his clerk's hand was bandaged. Before having the
chance to ask him what had happened, the clerk had some very
good news for him.
"Guess what, sir?" the clerk
said. "I finally sold that
horribly, ugly suit we've had for so long."
"Are you referring to that repulsive
orange and brown,
double-breasted thing?" asked the manager.
"That's the one, sir," replied the clerk.
"That's great!" exclaimed the
manager. "I was afraid we'd
never get rid of that horrid monstrosity! That had to have
been the ugliest suit we've ever had! But, tell me, why is
your hand bandaged?"
"Oh, that," the clerk replied.
"Well, after I sold the guy
the suit, his darn guide dog bit me!"
Levis Jeans Commercial (S543b)
From: darrell in 2007 (d-iFrame)
(Also see 'Levis Commercial' in Headlines-Ads)
This 1989 Levi's 501 commercial
is about a broke car and an
old pickup truck. It is very cute and plays 'Be My Baby'
by The Ronettes. You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Recipe For Washing Clothes (S338)
From: Imogenelumen on 7/13/2003
Years ago a Kentucky grandmother
gave the new bride the
following recipe for washing clothes. It appears below just
as it was written, and despite the spelling, has a bit of
philosophy. This is an exact copy as written and found in an
old scrap book (with spelling errors and all).
1. Bilt fire in backyard to
heat Wash pot of rain water.
2. Set tubs so smoke wont blow in eyes if wind is pert.
3. Shave one hole cake of lye soap in bilin water.
4. Sort things, make 3 piles. 1 pile white, 1 pile colored,
1 pile work britches and rags.
5. To make starch, stir flour in cool water to smooth, then
thin down with bilin water.
6. Take white things, rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard,
and then bile. Rub colored don't bile, just rinch and
7. Take things out of kettle with broomstick handle, then
rinch, and starch.
8. Hang old rags on fence.
9. Spread tea towels on grass.
10. Pore rinch water in flower bed.
11. Scrub porch with hot soapy water.
12. Turn tubs upside down.
13. Go put on clean dress, smooth hair with hair combs. Brew
cup of tea, sit and rock a spell and count your blessings.
*** Paste this over your washer
and dryer and next time when
you think things are bleak, read it again and give thanks
for your blessings.
Subj: Washing Instructions (S399)
From: DafterLafter on 9/9/2004
Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
Subj: Buying Size 8 Shoes (S281b)
From: dogbyte on 6/16/2002
A guy walks into a shoe store
and asks for a pair of
shoes, size 8. The obviously well trained salesman
says, "But sir, you take an 11 or eleven-and-a-half."
"Just bring me a size eight!" the man replies.
The sales guy brings them and
the man stuffs his feet
into them and stands up in obvious pain. He turns to
the salesman and says, "I've lost my house to the I.R.S.,
I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with
my best friend, my business has filed Chapter 7, and my
son just told me he was gay. The only pleasure I have
left is to come home at night and take my shoes off."
Adidas Ad (S504c)
..........in 2006 (d-iFrame)
This Adidas shoe commercial is
amazing. The music is
'He Got the Whole World In His Hands' and I don't know
how thet made the ad. Click 'HERE' to see it.
Subj: Texan Buys A City Suit
From: thebartend on 6/18/2001
A Texan went to Chicago and thought
he would buy a new "city"
outfit. He went into Marshall Fields and, when asked by a
sweet young woman if she could help him, he answered, "Yes
ma'am. Ya see, I'm from Texas and I want to buy a complete
Her eyes lit up as she asked, "Where would you like to start?"
"Well, ma'am, how about a suit?"
"Yes sir. What size?"
"Size 53 tall, ma'am."
"Wow, that's really big."
"Yes ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."
"What's next?" she asked.
He replied, "How about some shoes?"
"Size 15 double E."
"Wow, that's really big!"
"Yes ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."
"Well, I reckon I'll need a shirt."
"Yes sir. What size?"
"Nineteen and a half neck, size 38," he replied.
"Wow, that's really big!"
"Yes ma'a! ! m. They really grow them big in Texas."
"Will there be anything else?" she asked.
"Yes ma'am. I spect I'll need a hat."
"Yes sir. What size?"
"Eight and five-eighths."
"Wow, that's really big!"
"Yes ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."
She virtually glowed as she asked, "Is there anything else
I can do for you?"
"No ma'am , I reckon that will be all."
As the sweet young thing tallied up his bill, and as the
Texan counted out his money, she blushed and asked, "Sir,
could I ask you a question?"
"Yes ma'am, I already know what it is. And the answer is
Astonished, she blurted out, "Why, my boyfriend is bigger
Without so much as a stutter, the Texan replied, "From the
The Protector (S614b, in Canadian)
From: gattica30 in 2008 (d-iFrame)
This commercial for Terra, Canada's
boot, is excellent. Click 'HERE' to see it.
Subj: Gennaro's Leather Shoes (S358b, S644)
From: JOELFALLON on 12/7/2003
Gennaro is in this country for
only 6 months. He walks to
work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store. Each day
he stops and looks in the window to admire the Boccelli
leather shoes. He wants those shoes so much... it's all
he can think about. After about 2 months he saves the
price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.
Every Friday night the Italian
community holds a dance in
the church basement. Gennaro seizes this opportunity to
wear his new Boccelli leather shoes for the first time.
He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her,
'Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?'
Startled, Sophia replies, 'Yes,
Gennaro, I do wear red
panties tonight, but how do you know?' Gennaro answers,
'I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes.
How do you like them?'
Next he asks Rosa to dance, and
after a few minutes he asks,
'Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?'
Rosa answers, 'Yes, Gennaro,
I do, but how do you know that?'
He replies, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli
leather shoes. How do you like them?'
Now as the evening is almost
over and the last song is
being played, Gennaro asks Carmela to dance. Midway through
the dance his face turns red. He states, 'Carmela, be
stilla my heart, please, please tell me you wear no panties
tonight, please, please, tella me this true!'
Carmela smiles coyly and answers,
'Yes Gennaro, I wear no
panties tonight.' Gennaro gasps, 'Thanka God ... I thought
I had a CRACK in my $300 Boccelli leather shoes!'
Choose Your Underwear Carefully
From: tom in 2009
This short video is very funny. Click 'HERE' to see this silly video.
Subj: Two Cajuns Buy Cloths In Texas (S281, S830)
From: mjsl on 6/18/2002
and From: virv on 10/28/2012
Boudreaux and Thibedoux are visiting
a relative in the
Texas State Prison in Huntsville. As they walk down a
Houston street they see a sign that says "Suits--$5.
Trousers--$2.50/pair, and Shirts $2."
Boudreaux says, "See that Thib,
these Texans don't know
nothing. We done buy a bunch of dese clothes, and, when
we get back to Lafayette, we make a da fortune." Thibedoux
concurs. Boudreaux goes on, "Now when we done go in dere,
you don say nuthin, and I gon put on my best Texas accent.
If dey think we be Cajuns, dey gon try and swindle us."
They enter the store, and Boudreaux
swaggers over to the
counter. "Say there, podner, how 'bout stakin' me out with,
say, 200 of those suits at $5, 100 of those trousers at
$2.50, and 200 shirts at $2."
"You boys are Louisiana coonasses,
aren't you?" the guy at
the counter asks.
"How you done guess 'at, now?" Boudreaux asks with great surprise.
"This is a dry-cleaners."
Where Are My Panties (S636c)
From: tom in 2009 (d-iFrame)
Click 'HERE' to watch this silly, dumb video.
Subj: Tide Gets The Stains Out (S334b)
From: szalay on 6/19/2003
I'm writing to say what an excellent
product you have.
I've used it since the beginning of married life, when
my mom told me it was the best. In fact, about a month
ago, while at my mother-in-law's house, I spilled some
red wine on my new white blouse. She started to berate
me about my drinking problem.
One thing lead to another and
I ended up with a lot of
her blood on my white blouse, as well.
I tried to get the stain out
using her bargain detergent,
but it just wouldn't come out. On my way home, I stopped
and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative,
and all of the stains came out!
They came out so well, in fact,
that the DNA tests were
Thank you, once again, for a great product.
Well, gotta go, I have to write
a letter to the Hefty
Subj: Short Clothing Jokes
Amazing Way to Tie Your Sneakers
..........in 2008 (S620b)
Subj: Life Of Cloths (S467b)
From: igiggle on 12/30/2005
Clothes spend most of their lives waiting in the closet, in
the hamper, in the drawer. There are shirts in your house
going, "He never picks me." Laundry day is the only exciting
day because the washing machine is the nightclub for clothes.
It's dark, bubbles happening, they are all kind of dancing
around. The shirt grabs the underwear, "Come on, babe, let's
Aging And Belt Height (S585b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/4/2008
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Subj: Shirt That Never Stinks (S284)
From: jerry on 7/11/2002
A German company, Silvertex GmbH from Neuenhagen, has
created a shirt, made partly from silver, which they say
never stinks, no matter how much the wearer sweats.
The material's discovery was
were trying to make a material to protect heart
pacemakers from electromagnetic waves.
Why Men Should NOT Buy Baby Clothes
.........in 2008 (S580c)
Subj: Slippers (S134)
From: icohen on 8/24/99
When I was young my slippers were red.
I could kick my feet clear over my head.
When I grew older, my slippers were blue.
But I could dance the whole night through.
But now I am old - my slippers are black.
I walk to the corner, but puff my way back.
Somehow I know that my youth is spent.
My get up and go has got up and went.
But I really don't care, As I think with a grin
Recalling the places my get up has been.
Balloon Twisting Dresses (S578b)
From: ginafm on 2/5/2008
Subj: Three Year Old Put On His Shoes (S218)
From: kmacinty on 4/6/2001
A three-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother
noticed the left was on the right foot.
"Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet."
He looked up at her with a raised brow and said,
"Don't kid me, Mom. I KNOW they're my feet."
T-Shirt w/Cute Sign II
Subj: Making Your Own Cloths (S254b)
From: jerry on 12/10/2001
A Romanian woman has made herself an entire wardrobe using
her own hair. Loana Cioanca, having just finished a rain-
coat, plans to wear it over her brown blouse and skirt
crocheted from her hair as well. Thus adding to her
existing collection, which includes a waistcoat, hat,
shawl, handbag and purse.
Evenimentul Zilej (Romania) via
Ananova (UK) 5-Dec-01
What To Wear (S547b in Marriage6)
From: LABLaughsClean on 5/14/2007
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Subj: The History Of The Aloha Shirt (S418b)
by Sophia Schweitzer and photos by Les Drent
From: igiggle on 1/27/2005
To view the history of the Aloha Shirt, click on the
above web site.
T-Shirt w/Cute, Dirty Sign
..........on 5/29/2007 (S545c)
Real Clever Shopping Bags (S502)
From: darrell94590 in 2006
New Japanese Skirts (S485b)
..........on 5/6/2006 (in Asian)
Don't Buy Flip Flops From Wal-Mart!
From: darrellvip in 2008 (S573)
The Chinese are using some strong
but cheap chemical in the
manufacturing of clothing. You can see the results by
Beetle Bailey Sunday Comic Strip
by Mort Walker
..........in 2008 (S611c, in Golf1)
It is estimated that 9 out of
10 American women do this
with their feet. Wear shoes at least 2 sizes too narrow.
85% of men don't use the slit
in their underwear.
67.5% of men were tightie whities (briefs).
The average bra size today is 36C whereas 10 years ago
it was a 34B
85% of women wear the wrong bra size.
From 'Strange Sex Laws' in LAWS file.
A Helena, Montana law states
that a woman cannot dance on
a saloon table unless her clothing weights more than three
pounds, two ounces.
In Cleveland, Ohio women are
not allowed to wear patent-
In Merryville, Missouri, women
are prohibited from wearing
corsets because "The privilege of admiring the curvaceous,
unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to
the normal, red-blooded American male."
In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman
can't go out without wearing
a corset. (There was a civil-service job -- for men only --
called a corset inspector.)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 8/7/2001 (S237)
"My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer,
On Sale." -- Rita Rudner
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 8/9/2001 (S237)
"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men
everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'" -- Sandra Bullock
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 8/15/2001
"I don't wear bikini underwear. You know why? Because I am
considerate of my fellow human begins." -- Drew Carey
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/30/2002
Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
-- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
From: KMACINTY on 1/17/2003 (S311)
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/19/2004
She said it was in, and she said it didn't hurt.
So what did he do?
He sold her a new pair of shoes
From: igiggle on 5/8/2006 (S485b)
I'm glad earth tones are popular again. It means I
don't have to do laundry as often. -- Reno Goodale
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 1/20/2007
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny
replied she was so old she didn't remember any more.
Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the
back of your panties. Mine say five to six."
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 6/19/2007
"Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes."
-- Henry David Thoreau
From: JokesUncut on 2/19/2003 (S316)
Q: What's the difference between a horse's tail
and a man's tie?
A: The horse's tail covers up the entire asshole.