>>> Subj:     Clothing Jokes (Gz)                  (Includes 62 jokes and articles)

Shoes from Animation Factory

Also see ARAB file    - 'Arab And Jewish Tie Salesman'
         BAR2 file    - 'Woman With Skin-Tight Pants In Bar'
         BIRTHDAYS    - 'What Do You Want For Your Birthday?'
         BREAST file  - 'Cute T-Shirt'
......................- 'Husband Buys Bra For Wife'
         BUGS_ETC file- 'Man Buys Centipede As Pet'
         BUTLER-MAID  - 'Butler's Night Off'
         CAMEL file   - 'Sex Like A Camel'
         COWBOY file  - 'Buying Cowboy Boots'
         COWBOY2 file - 'Cowboy Poetry - Women's Underwear'
         ELDERLY2 file- 'A Phone Call To Grandpa - Movie'
         FACTS4 file  - 'Underwear Factory In Russia'
         FUNERAL file - 'Blue Suit For Her Husband'
         Hotel file   - 'Motel Guest Wants A Haircut'
         MARRIAGE5    - 'Husband Buys Lingerie For Wife'
         MEN2 file    - 'Men In Coats'
         OTHER-OCCUP  - 'Shoe Repair'
         PENIS3 file  - 'Penis Stuck In Zippers'
         PHYSICS1     - 'Heavy Boots'
         PUSSY file   - 'Buying Shoes Without Knickers'
         RIDDLE file  - 'A What Am I Riddle #18'
         RIDDLE-SUPP  - 'A What Am I Riddle #39'
         SCHOOL2 file - 'Kindergartener’s Boots (S215)
         SHIPS file   - 'Elderly Lady w/Hat On Ship'
         SLOGANS_ETC  - 'T-Shirt Slogans'
         SPERM file   - 'Taking Your Dress To the Cleaners'
         TEAR JERKER2 - 'A Little Boy In New York'
         TRUCK-BUS    - 'Helping A Lady On The Bus'
         WEDDING file - 'Mother's Wedding Dress'
         WOMAN1 file  - 'Lady Looses Her Handbag'
......................- 'Lady Looses Her Handbag II'
         WORD JOKES2  - 'The Definition of 'Normal''
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Subj:     Magic Cloths (S587)           From: darrellvip           on 4/20/2008

 This magic show on 'America's Got talent' is amazing.  You can
 view it on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

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Subj:     THE Best Way To Sell Men's Underwear (S515b)           From: jbcary1           on 11/27/2006

 This 2,000 KB movie will definitely get men interested in
 underwear.  You can view it on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

 Somehow, when the movie is done, it calls a second movie to
 be played.

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Subj:     Underwear Dust (S593b)
          From: jbcary1 on 5/28/2008

 One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to
 his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in
 Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'

 His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't
 let such a comment go un-rewarded.

 The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of
 his drawer.  'What the Heck is this??' he said to himself as
 a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.  'April,'
 he hollered into the bathroom, 'why did you put talcum powder
 in my underwear?'

 She replied ...'It's not talcum powder......It's 'Miracle Grow'

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Subj:     Men And Women's Buttons (S365b, S548)
          From: igiggle on 12/30/2003
          From: LABLaughs.com 7/15/2007

 There is a reason why men's clothes have buttons on the
 right while women have buttons on the left.  What is it?

x
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Scroll down for the answer
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Here it comes
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 Most people are right handed and find it easier to fasten
 a button which is on the right through a hole which is on
 the left.  This is why men's buttons are on the right.
 When buttons were first used it was rich people who could
 afford clothes with buttons.  Among this class the ladies
 were often dressed by maid servants.  The servant would
 face the lady and so it was easier for right handed
 servants to fasten buttons which were on the lady's left.

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Subj:     Three Guys Get Army Uniforms (S415b)
          From: DafterLafter on 1/10/2005

 Three guys were joining the Army. One was an Italian, one
 was an Irishman, and one was Polish. They are standing in
 line to get their issued clothes and underwear. They reach
 the guy who is handing out the underwear and he asks the
 Italian guy, "How many pair of underwear do you want?" The
 Italian guy answers, "I'll have 7 pair...one for each day of
 the week." So the guy gives him his 7 pair and he moves on.
 Next comes the Irishman and he asks, "How many pair of
 underwear do you want?" The Irishman answers, " I'll have 6
 pair...one for each day of the week, and I'll wear the same
 ones on Sunday, that I wore on Saturday." So the guy says ok
 and hands him his 6 pair and moves on. Last comes the Polish
 guy and he asks, " Alright, how many pair of underwear do
 you want?" The Polish guys answers, " I'll take 12 pair."
 This surprises the guy and he shouts, "12 pair! What the heck
 do you need 12 pair of underwear for?" The Polish guy says,
 "Yes, 12 pair. One for each month of the year!"

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Subj:     A Woman And Her Desires (S411)
          From: JokesUncut on 12/6/2004

 The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing
 her full lips,she sank into the comfort of the plush chair
 in the corner.  The handsome stranger turned, having sensed
 her approach.  Locking his steely gray eyes on hers, he
 moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her,
 hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance.  He sank
 to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly
 released her from her constraining attire.

 With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to
 unleash her bare flesh.  He expertly guided his hands
 through this tender, often hidden territory, his movements
 deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every
 need.  Her senses swam.

 She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone
 unfulfilled for so long.  And, just as it seemed that
 ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one
 heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too big! - it
 will never fit!"

 Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had
 been made only for her!  As pleasure and contentment washed
 over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude
 shining in her eyes. And he knew it wouldn't be long before
 she returned.

 Oh, yes, this woman would want more.  She would want to do
 it again and again and again.  Don't cha just LOVE shopping
 for SHOES.

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Subj:     High Heel Evidence (S402)
          From: DafterLafter on 7/14/2004

 One night a fellow drove his secretary home after she had
 imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although
 this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it
 to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.

 The next night the man and his wife were driving to a res-
 taurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel
 shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to
 be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out
 her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out
 of the car.

 With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking
 lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her
 seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"

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Subj:     Evidence of Global Warming I and II (S464b)
          From: Dickschu on 12/9/2005
 

 To see the photo from jbcary1, click 'HERE'.

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Subj:     Grandma's Apron (S396)
          From: Imogenelumen on 8/17/2004

 The principle use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress
 underneath, but  along with that, it served as a holder for
 removing hot pans from the oven;  it was wonderful for drying
 children's tears, and on occasion was even used for cleaning
 out dirty ears.

 From the chicken-coop the apron was used for carrying eggs,
 fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished
 in the warming oven.

 When company came those old aprons were ideal hiding places
 for shy kids; and  when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped
 it around her arms.

 Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over
 the hot wood stove.  Chips and kindling-wood were brought
 into the kitchen in that apron.

 From the garden it carried all sorts of vegetables.  After
 the peas had been  shelled it carried out the hulls.

 In the fall it was used to bring in apples that had fallen
 from the trees.  When unexpected company drove up the road,
 it was surprising how much furniture  that old apron could
 dust in a matter of seconds.

 When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out on the porch and
 waved her apron, and the men knew it was time to come in
 from the fields for dinner.

 It will be a long time before anyone invents something that
 will replace that old-time apron that served so many purposes.

 Author unknown
 From the Heart of America

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Subj:     Dress Code Violations (S393b)
          From: Imogenelumen on 8/8/2004

 We all need a little humor in each day to remain emotionally
 healthy!  As you read these dress code violations, try to get
 a 'visual'!

 Many of us 40 and older are quite confused about how we should
 present ourselves.  We're unsure about the kind of image we
 are projecting, and whether or not we are correct as we try to
 conform to the fashions that the designers inflict upon the
 world.  So here are the results of a study of the situation.

 Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following
 combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

 1. A nose ring and bifocals

 2. Spiked hair and a bald spot

 3. A pierced tongue and dentures

 4. Miniskirt and support stockings

 5. Ankle bracelet and corn plasters

 6. Speedo bathing suit and a beer belly

 7. Belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

 8. Unbuttoned shirt and a heart monitor

 9. Midriff shirt and a midriff bulge

 10. A bikini and incontinence protection

 11. Short shorts and varicose veins

 12. In-line skates and a walker

 13. Tattoos and wrinkles and liver spots

 14. Tube tops and stretch marks

 Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind
 when you shop.  Thank you for your cooperation.  Keep
 America beautiful!!!

 This Tip has been brought to you by your NEFEC Wellness
 Committee and is intended for HUMOR only!

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Subj:     Store Sells Ugly Suit (S344b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 9/2/2003

 When the store manager returned from lunch, he was surprised
 to see that his clerk's hand was bandaged. Before having the
 chance to ask him what had happened, the clerk had some very
 good news for him.

 "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that
 horribly, ugly suit we've had for so long."

 "Are you referring to that repulsive orange and brown,
 double-breasted thing?" asked the manager.

 "That's the one, sir," replied the clerk.

 "That's great!" exclaimed the manager. "I was afraid we'd
 never get rid of that horrid monstrosity! That had to have
 been the ugliest suit we've ever had! But, tell me, why is
 your hand bandaged?"

 "Oh, that," the clerk replied. "Well, after I sold the guy
 the suit, his darn guide dog bit me!"

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Subj:     Recipe For Washing Clothes (S338)
          From: Imogenelumen on 7/13/2003

 Years ago a Kentucky grandmother gave the new bride the
 following recipe for washing clothes.  It appears below just
 as it was written, and despite the spelling, has a bit of
 philosophy. This is an exact copy as written and found in an
 old scrap book (with spelling errors and all).

  1. Bilt fire in backyard to heat Wash pot of rain water.
  2. Set tubs so smoke wont blow in eyes if wind is pert.
  3. Shave one hole cake of lye soap in bilin water.
  4. Sort things, make 3 piles. 1 pile white, 1 pile colored,
     1 pile work britches and rags.
  5. To make starch, stir flour in cool water to smooth, then
     thin down with bilin water.
  6. Take white things, rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard,
     and then bile.  Rub colored don't bile, just rinch and
     starch.
  7. Take things out of kettle with broomstick handle, then
     rinch, and starch.
  8. Hang old rags on fence.
  9. Spread tea towels on grass.
 10. Pore rinch water in flower bed.
 11. Scrub porch with hot soapy water.
 12. Turn tubs upside down.
 13. Go put on clean dress, smooth hair with hair combs.  Brew
     cup of tea, sit and rock a spell and count your blessings.

 *** Paste this over your washer and dryer and next time when
     you think things are bleak, read it again and give thanks
     for your blessings.

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Subj:     Tide Gets The Stains Out (S334b)
          From: szalay on 6/19/2003

 Dear Tide:

 I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have.
 I've used it since the beginning of married life, when
 my mom told me it was the best.  In fact, about a month
 ago, while at my mother-in-law's house, I spilled some
 red wine on my new white blouse.  She started to berate
 me about my drinking problem.

 One thing lead to another and I ended up with a lot of
 her blood on my white blouse, as well.

 I tried to get the stain out using her bargain detergent,
 but it just wouldn't come out.  On my way home, I stopped
 and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative,
 and all of the stains came out!

 They came out so well, in fact, that the DNA tests were
 negative!

 Thank you, once again, for a great product.

 Well, gotta go, I have to write a letter to the Hefty
 bag people.

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Subj:     Washing Instructions (S399)
          From: DafterLafter on 9/9/2004
          At: www.ezines4all.com/ct200408/014.htm
 

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Subj:     Victoria's Secret Secrets (S311b)
          From: jerry on 1/13/2003

 A Victoria's Secret employee posted a list of things she
 learned during her twelve months at Victoria's Secret.
 Here are a few of the items she mentions as having learned:

 ? To tell a woman's bra size just by looking (I haven't
   yet decided how best to use this new found talent)

 ? Just as soon as a woman finds a bra that fits well,
   doesn't ride up or leave marks, it will be discontinued.

 ? Men are often dumb enough to charge the lingerie they
   buy for their mistress on their lunch hour on the credit
   card that bills to their house.  More than one wife
   called requesting to know just what her husband bought
   that she was never given.

 ? Women have no shame, and will return undergarments that
   have very clearly been "used", while looking you dead
   in the eye and claiming they were never worn.

 ? Young boys get a kick out of calling and asking, "Do
   you carry crotchless underwear?" or "Do you sell
   edible panties?"

 ? Telling a guy where you work is an instant turn-on.
   Typical bar conversation:

   Guy (mildly interested): So where do you work?

   Me: Victoria's Secret.

   Guy (face lights up like a kid on Christmas): Really?

   Me: Yup.

   Guy: Wow. So do you get a discount?

   Me: Yup.

   Guy: And do they ever give you free panties?

   Me: Yup.

   Guy: God, you must have one hell of an underwear
   collection. I mean, your panty drawer must be
   overflowing!

   Me: Yup. It's sad actually, since I no longer
   wear underwear.

 ? Most commonly used pick-up line of guys who come in
   the store: So, what, first you work in the catalog,
   then the store?

 Found at Aberrant News:

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Subj:     Buying Size 8 Shoes (S281b)
          From: dogbyte on 6/16/2002

 A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of
 shoes, size 8.  The obviously well trained salesman
 says, "But sir, you take an 11 or eleven-and-a-half."

 "Just bring me a size eight!" the man replies.

 The sales guy brings them and the man stuffs his feet
 into them and stands up in obvious pain.  He turns to
 the salesman and says, "I've lost my house to the I.R.S.,
 I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with
 my best friend, my business has filed Chapter 7, and my
 son just told me he was gay.  The only pleasure I have
 left is to come home at night and take my shoes off."

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Subj:     Two Cajuns Buy Cloths In Texas (S281, S507b)
          From: mjsl on 6/18/2002
      and From: flovilla on 10/8/2006

 Boudreaux and Thibedoux are visiting a relative in the
 Texas State Prison in Huntsville.  As they walk down a
 Houston street they see a sign that says "Suits--$5.
 Trousers--$2.50/pair, and Shirts $2."

 Boudreaux says, "See that Thib, these Texans don't know
 nothing.  We done buy a bunch of dese clothes, and, when
 we get back to Lafayette, we make a da fortune." Thibedoux
 concurs.   Boudreaux goes on, "Now when we done go in dere,
 you don say nuthin, and I gon put on my best Texas accent.
 If dey think we be Cajuns, dey gon try and swindle us."
 Thibedoux  concurs.

 They enter the store, and Boudreaux swaggers over to the
 counter. "Say there, podner, how 'bout stakin' me out with,
 say, 200 of those suits at $5, 100 of those trousers at
 $2.50, and 200 shirts at $2."

 "You boys are Louisiana coonasses, aren't you?" the guy at
 the counter asks.

 "How you done guess 'at, now?" Boudreaux asks with great surprise.

 "This is a dry-cleaners."

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Subj:     Texan Buys A City Suit
          From: thebartend on 6/18/2001

 A Texan went to Chicago and thought he would buy a new "city"
 outfit.  He went into Marshall Fields and, when asked by a
 sweet young woman if she could help him, he answered, "Yes
 ma'am.  Ya see, I'm from Texas and I want to buy a complete
 city outfit."
 Her eyes lit up as she asked, "Where would you like to start?"
 "Well, ma'am, how about a suit?"
 "Yes sir. What size?"
 "Size 53 tall, ma'am."
 "Wow, that's really big."
 "Yes ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."
 "What's next?" she asked.
 He replied, "How about some shoes?"
 "What size?"
 "Size 15 double E."
 "Wow, that's really big!"
 "Yes ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."
 "What's next?"
 "Well, I reckon I'll need a shirt."
 "Yes sir. What size?"
 "Nineteen and a half neck, size 38," he replied.
 "Wow, that's really big!"
 "Yes ma'a! ! m. They really grow them big in Texas."
 "Will there be anything else?" she asked.
 "Yes ma'am. I spect I'll need a hat."
 "Yes sir. What size?"
 "Eight and five-eighths."
 "Wow, that's really big!"
 "Yes ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."
 She virtually glowed as she asked, "Is there anything else
 I can do for you?"
 "No ma'am , I reckon that will be all."
 As the sweet young thing tallied up his bill, and as the
 Texan counted out his money, she blushed and asked, "Sir,
 could I ask you a question?"
 "Yes ma'am, I already know what it is.  And the answer is
 four inches."
 Astonished, she blurted out, "Why, my boyfriend is bigger
 than that!"
 Without so much as a stutter, the Texan replied, "From the
 floor, ma'am?"

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Subj:     Man Buys Gloves For Woman (S34)
          From: BEN'S JOKE PAGE
          At: bs105@york.ac.uk

 A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's
 birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after
 careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would
 strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal.

 Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to
 Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves.  The sister
 purchased a pair of panties for herself.

 During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the
 sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties.
 Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the
 package and sent it to his sweetheart with the
 following note:

 "I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the
 habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.  If it
 had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long
 ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are
 easier to remove.

 "These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them
 from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past
 three weeks and they were hardly soiled.  I had her try
 yours on for me and she looked really smart.

 "I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time,
 as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them
 before I have a chance to see you again.

 "When you take them off, remember to blow in them before
 putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp
 from wearing.

 "Just think how many times I will kiss them during the
 coming year.  I hope you will wear them for me on Friday
 night.  All my love.

 "P.S.  The latest style is to wear them folded down with
 a little fur showing."

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Subj:     Shiny New Boots (S358b)
          From: The Bartender Joke Of The Day on 07/05/97
      and From: JOELFALLON on 12/7/2003

 A young man bought a new pair of boots of which he was very
 proud so he decided to go dancing an give them a try.  After
 dancing with one lady for a few minutes he said "I bet you I
 can guess the color of your panties."

 "O.K.", she replied, "what color do you think they are?"

 "Blue", he replied.

 "How did you know that?" she asked?

 "I saw the reflection in my shiny new boots", he said.

 "Here she said dance with my sister an tell what color she
 has on", the lady said.

 After dancing a few minutes the young man started rubbing
 he toes on his pant cuffs an started to dance again.  After
 a few minutes he ask the lady "what color panties do you
 have on, I can't seem to make them out."

 To which she replied, "I don't have any panties on."  With
 a sigh of relief the young man said, "oh good, for a minute
 I thought I had a crack in my new boots."

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Subj:     Short Clothing Jokes

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Subj:     Aging And Belt Height (S585b)           From: LABLaughsClean           on 4/4/2008

 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20050319
 You can view this cute cartoon at the above source, or on
 my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:    Why Men Should NOT Buy Baby Clothes (S580c)          From: hellgunner50          on 2/27/2008

 These eleven baby pictures are quite cute.
 Click 'HERE' to view them.
 

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Subj:     Balloon Twisting Dresses (S578b)           From: ginafm           on 2/5/2008

 Look at how far twisting balloons has come in these
 seventeen pictures.  Click 'HERE' to view.
 

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Subj:     Underwear Cops (S575c in Police-Supp)           From: rfslick           on 1/18/2008

 This 6,500 KB movie is funny and cute.  You can view it
 on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Don't Buy Flip Flops From Wal-Mart! (S573)           From: darrellvip           on 1/12/2008

 Source: http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/flipflop.asp
 Wal-Mart halted sales of Chinese-made flip-flops after some
 purchasers reported suffering skin rashes or chemical burns.
 Many products coming out of China are now being recalled due
 to unsafe materials used to make products and keep the budget
 at a low cost.

 The Chinese are using some strong but cheap chemical in the
 manufacturing of clothing.  You can see the results by
 clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     T-Shirt With Cute Sign  II (S557c)           From: AFine963           on 9/24/2007

 You can view this t-shirt with a cute sign at the
 source above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     What To Wear (S547b in Marriage6)           From: LABLaughsClean           on 5/14/2007

 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C19900327
 What to wear when the wife has chores for you!  You can
 view this cute picture at the source above, or on my web
 site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     T-Shirt With Cute, Dirty Sign (S545c)           From: LABLaughsRiddles            on 5/29/2007

 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A19921004
 You can view this t-shirt with a cute, dirty sign at the
 source above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Levis Jeans Commercial (S543b)           From: darrell94590           on 6/5/2007

 This 3,000 KB commercial is very cute.  You
 can view it on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Adidas Ad (S504c)           From: darrell94590           on 9/19/2006

 This 3,300 KB movie is a cute shoe commercial that you can
 view on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Real Clever Shopping Bags (S502)           From: darrell94590           on 9/7/2006

 Source: http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery49.html
 You can view these seven, clever bags on my web site by
 clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     New Japanese Skirts (S485b in Asian)           From: darrell94590           on 5/6/2006

 Think you've seen it all?  Look at the new rage in Japan.
 You can view these five pictures on my web site by clicking
 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Life Of Cloths (S467b)
          From: igiggle on 12/30/2005
 Clothes spend most of their lives waiting in the closet, in
 the hamper, in the drawer.  There are shirts in your house
 going, "He never picks me."  Laundry day is the only exciting
 day because the washing machine is the nightclub for clothes.
 It's dark, bubbles happening, they are all kind of dancing
 around.  The shirt grabs the underwear, "Come on, babe, let's
 go!"
 

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Subj:     The History Of The Aloha Shirt (S418b)
          by Sophia Schweitzer and photos by Les Drent
          From: igiggle on 1/27/2005
          At: http://www.coffeetimes.com/aloha.htm
 To view the history of the Aloha Shirt, click on the web
 site above.
 

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Subj:     Shirt That Never Stinks (S284)
          From: jerry on 7/11/2002
 A German company,  Silvertex GmbH from Neuenhagen, has
 created a shirt, made partly from silver, which they say
 never stinks, no matter how much the wearer sweats.

 The material's discovery was accidental.  Scientists
 were trying to make a material to protect heart
 pacemakers from electromagnetic waves.

 Ananova 10-Jul-02
 

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Subj:     Making Your Own Cloths (S254b)
          From: jerry on 12/10/2001
 A Romanian woman has made herself an entire wardrobe using
 her own hair.  Loana Cioanca, having just finished a rain-
 coat, plans to wear it over her brown blouse and skirt
 crocheted from her hair as well.  Thus adding to her
 existing collection, which includes a waistcoat, hat,
 shawl, handbag and purse.

 Evenimentul Zilej (Romania) via Ananova (UK) 5-Dec-01
 

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Subj:     Three Year Old Put On His Shoes (S218)
         From: kmacinty on 4/6/2001
 A three-year old put his shoes on by himself.  His mother
 noticed the left was on the right foot.
 "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet."
 He looked up at her with a raised brow and said,
 "Don't kid me, Mom. I KNOW they're my feet."
 

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Subj:     Slippers (S134)
          From: icohen on 8/24/99
  When I was young my slippers were red.
  I could kick my feet clear over my head.
  When I grew older, my slippers were blue.
  But I could dance the whole night through.
  But now I am old - my slippers are black.
  I walk to the corner, but puff my way back.
  Somehow I know that my youth is spent.
  My get up and go has got up and went.
  But I really don't care, As I think with a grin
  Recalling the places my get up has been.
 

 It is estimated that 9 out of 10 American women do this
 with their feet.  Wear shoes at least 2 sizes too narrow.

 85% of men don't use the slit in their underwear.
 67.5% of men were tightie whities (briefs).
 The average bra size today is 36C whereas 10 years ago
    it was a 34B
 85% of women wear the wrong bra size.

 From 'Strange Sex Laws' in LAWS file.

 A Helena, Montana law states that a woman cannot dance on
 a saloon table unless her clothing weights more than three
 pounds, two ounces.

 In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear patent-
 leather shoes.

 In Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing
 corsets because "The privilege of admiring the curvaceous,
 unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to
 the normal, red-blooded American male."

 In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing
 a corset. (There was a civil-service job -- for men only --
 called a corset inspector.)

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 8/7/2001 (S237)
 "My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer,
  On Sale."  -- Rita Rudner

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 8/9/2001 (S237)
 "What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men
  everywhere?  'Hold my purse.'"  -- Sandra Bullock

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 8/15/2001 (S237)
 "I don't wear bikini underwear. You know why? Because I am
  considerate of my fellow human begins."  -- Drew Carey

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/30/2002 (S261b)
 Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
   -- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)

From: KMACINTY on 1/17/2003 (S311)
 The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/19/2004 (S409b)
 She said it was in, and she said it didn't hurt.
 So what did he do?
 He sold her a new pair of shoes

From: igiggle on 5/8/2006 (S485b)
 I'm glad earth tones are popular again.  It means I
 don't have to do laundry as often.  -- Reno Goodale

From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 1/20/2007 (S523b)
 MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny
 replied she was so old she didn't remember any more.
 Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the
 back of your panties.  Mine say five to six."

From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 6/19/2007 (S544b)
 "Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes."
    -- Henry David Thoreau
 

From: JokesUncut on 2/19/2003 (S316)
 Q: What's the difference between a horse's tail
    and a man's tie?
 A: The horse's tail covers up the entire asshole.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
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Smiley t-shirt from Smiley_Central

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