Subj: Drinking Beer2 Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 46 jokes and articles)
Click "Here" for Drinking_Beer-Supp
Drunk With Beer
from
Joseph's Free Stuff
| >>>
Subj: Drinking Beer2 Jokes (Gz) (Includes 46 jokes and articles) Click "Here" for Drinking_Beer-Supp |
|
Drunk With Beer from Joseph's Free Stuff |
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| Subj:
Bud Light Commercial #1 (S511c)
From: drgolfmd on 10/18/2006 |
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Subj:
Bud Light Commercial #2 (S511c)
From: drgolfmd on 10/18/2006 |
| Subj:
Bud Light Commercial #3 (S500b)
From: auntiegah on 8/16/2006 (See 'Parrots - Whassup Movie' in Parrots) |
 |
It is good to see American commercials
are becoming more
entertaining. You can
view this cute, short commercial
on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj:
Bud Light Commercial #4 (S500b)
From: auntiegah on 8/16/2006 |
| Subj:
Bud Light Sleighride (S521)
From: gordonschuk on 1/13/07 |
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Subj:
Bud Light Institute (S578)
From: sfo_pilot on 2/11/2008 |
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Subj: BEER
vs. CUCUMBERS! (S410b)
From: JokesUncut on 11/26/2004
We've heard all the reasons why
Beer is Better than Women,
and why Cucumbers are Better
than Men. Its about time we had
Reasons Why Beer is Better than
Cucumbers
------
You can't get drunk, no matter how many cucumbers you eat.
Beer bottles don't get sprayed with pesticides
Beer bottles don't shrivel up
and grow mouldy if you leave
them in the fridge for a month.
Beer is always in season.
Beer removes unsightly flab and
wrinkles (on the person
you're looking at, if you drink
enough of it :-)
Eating cucumbers to forget doesn't
work.
Reasons Why Cucumbers are Better
than Beer
-------
Cucumbers won't give you a hangover.
Cucumbers have fewer calories.
Your wife won't complain about
you sitting around all day
watching TV and eating cucumbers.
You can grow your own cucumbers without buying lots of equipment.
Your wife won't complain that your breath stinks of cucumbers.
You can eat as many cucumbers as you like, and drive home later.
You can open a cucumber using only your teeth.
Having your face slashed with a cucumber doesn't hurt (much).
You can eat the whole cucumber, skin 'n' all.
A cucumber won't shatter if you drop it on the ground.
You can shake up a cucumber, and it won't explode when you bite it.
You don't have to worry about
getting cucumber stains
on your clothes.
[The cucumbers seem to take it on numbers. So why do I prefer beer?]
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Subj: How
Budweiser Handled 9/11 (S351b)
From: Imogenelumen on 10/17/2003
The following story is an Urban
Legend
(see http://www.snopes.com/rumors/bud.htm)
I liked the story so I'll still
forward it.
On September 11th, a Budweiser
employee was making a delivery
to a convenience store in a
California town named McFarland.
He knew of the tragedy that
had occurred in New York and when
he entered the business he found
the two Arabs, who owned the
business, whooping and hollering
to show their approval and
support of this treacherous
attack.
The Budweiser employee went to
his truck, called his boss and
told him of the very upsetting
event! He didn't feel he could
be in that store with those
horrible people. His boss asked
him, "Do you think you could
go in there long enough to pull
every Budweiser product and
item our beverage company sells
there? We'll never deliver
to them again." The employee
walked in, proceeded to pull
every single product his beverage
company provided and left with
an incredible grin on his face.
He told them never to bother
to call for a delivery again
Budweiser happens to be the
beer of choice for that community.
Just letting you know how Kern
County handled this situation.
And now the rest of the story:
It seems that the Bud driver
and the Pepsi man are neighbors.
Bud called Pepsi and told
him. Pepsi called his boss,
who told him to pull all Pepsi
products as well!! That
would include Frito Lay,etc. Further-
more, word spread and all vendors
followed suit! At last
report, the store was closed
indefinitely. Good old American
Passive-Aggressive BUTT Whoopin'!
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Subj: FDA
Warnings (S104, S499b)
From: jcary on 99-01-18
and
From: samhutkins on 8/13/2006
The FDA is considering additional
warnings on beer and
alcohol packaging, such as:
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol
may make you think you
are whispering when you are not.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol
is a major factor in
dancing like an asshole.
3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol
may cause you to tell
the same boring story over and over again until
your friends want to CRACK YOUR FUCKING HEAD OPEN.
4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol
may cause you to
thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol
may lead you to believe
that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone
them at 4 in the morning.
6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol
may leave you wondering
what the hell happened to your pants.
7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol
may cause you to roll
over in the morning and see something really scary
(whose species and or name you can't remember).
8. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol
is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
9. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol
may create the illusion
that you are tougher, more handsome and smarter
than some really, really big guy named Chuck.
10. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol
may lead you to believe
you are invisible.
11. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol
may lead you to think
people are laughing WITH you.
12. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol
may cause a flux in the
time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes
large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.
13. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
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Subj: "The
Beer Prayer" (S69, S379b)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #250 on 98-05-29
and
From: INDEX OF EZINES4ALL.COM
on May 6,2004
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Subj: Beer
Troubleshooting Flow Chart (S134)
From: mbucher on 98-03-02
and
From: icohen on 8/24/99
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale
and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to
buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered
with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have
fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself
leashed to bar.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette
butts.
FAULT: You have
fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front
of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not
open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom,
practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being
held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so
that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper
bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to
nearest dog, complain about her house training.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking
through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to
buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being
carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you
are being taken to another bar.
SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually
dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address
with bartender.
SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes
on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption
has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.
SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to
you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing
on the table.
ACTION: Get someone to
pass you up a beer.
SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water.
Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Get someone to
buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts,
mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have
been in a fight.
ACTION: Go back in bar
and have another beer.
SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone,
don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered
into the wrong party.
ACTION: Get someone to
buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds
distorted.
FAULT: The beer
is too weak.
ACTION: Get someone to
buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words
to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just
right.
ACTION: Get someone to
buy you another beer.
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Subj: Letter
to Miller Company
From: Ossama's Laugh on 12/31/97
A True Story.
The following is a letter sent
to Miller Brewing Company
earlier this year. Miller's
response is at the end.
Miller Brewing Company Milwaukee, Wisconsin 53201
Dear Sir or Madam,
I have been a drinker of Miller
beer's for many years
(actually, ever since that other
company donated a big
chunk of change to Handgun Control
Inc. back in the mid
80's).
Initially, my beer of choice
was Lite, but some time in
mid-1990 while in Honduras I
switched to MGD smuggled up
from Panama. Now, for
nearly six years, I have been a
faithful drinker of MGD.
For these past years, I have
come to expect certain things
from Genuine Draft. I
expect that whenever I see that
gold can of MGD, I am about
ready to enjoy a great, smooth
brew.
But wait! Sometime around
the first of the year, my
beloved MGD changed colors,
so to speak. That familiar
gold can was no longer gold!
Knowing that I am, by nature,
somewhat resistant to change,
I forced myself to reserve
judgment on the new can design.
Gradually, I grew to appreciate
the new label. That was
until about May of this year.
That was when I discovered
(empirically) that I really
didn't like the new design.
Further investigation of the
cause of my distress resulted
in the following observations:
1. Your cans are made of aluminum.
2. Aluminum is a great conductor
of energy.
3. Your beer is commonly consumed
outside, and thus, the
container may be
exposed to sunlight.
4. Sunlight striking the can
causes radiant warming
of the surface
of the can.
5. The resultant heat (energy)
is transferred through the
aluminum, by conduction,
to the contents of the can
(the beer).
6. Warm beer sucks.
This is a process that can be
observed in just about any
beer. However, this process
is significantly accelerated
in MGD because you painted the
damn can black!!!
Who was the rocket scientist
that designed the new graphic
for the can and implemented
the change right before summer?
Granted, this process may not
be real evident up there in
Wisconsin, but down here in
Oklahoma where the summers are
both sunny and hot, this effect
is quite a problem. There's
no telling what the folks in
Texas and Arizona are having
to put up with.
Knowing that you would probably
not address this issue unless
you had firm evidence of a problem,
I and several other
subjects conducted extensive
experimentation. The results
of these experiments are listed
below.
The experiments were conducted
over two days on the deck next
to my pool. The study
included seven different types of beer
(leftovers from a party the
previous weekend) that were
initially chilled to 38 (and
then left exposed to sunlight
for different lengths of time.
These beers were sampled by
the test subjects at different
intervals. The subjects, all
normally MGD drinkers, were
asked at each sampling interval
their impressions of the different
beers. The length of time
between the initial exposure
to sunlight and the point where
the subject determined the sample
undrinkable (the Suckpoint)
was determined. The average
ambient temperature for the
trials was 95 degrees F.
Beer Type
Average Suckpoint (min)
Miller Lite (white can)
6.2
Bud (white can)
5.5
Bud Lite (silver can)
5.2
Ice House (blue and silver can)
4.4
Coors Lite (silver can)
4.1
Miller Genuine Draft (black
can) 2.8
Coors (gold can)
0.1
It was evident that the color
of the can directly correlates
to the average suckpoint, except
for Coors which was pretty
much determined to suck at any
point.
It is to be hoped that you will
consider re-designing your
MGD cans. All beer drinkers
that are not smart enough to
keep their beer in the shade
will thank you.
Sincerely,
Bradley Lee Beer-drinker
Miller Brewing Company's response
to the letter sent in by
Bradley Lee.
Dear Bradley Lee,
Thank you for your letter and
your concern about the MGD
can color as it relates to premature
warming of the contents.
Like you, we at Miller Beer
take beer drinking very seriously.
To that end, we have taken your
letter and subsequent
experiment under serious consideration.
Outlined below are
our findings and solution to
your problem. May we add that
we have had similar letters
from other loyal beer drinkers,
mostly from the Southern United
States.
First, let us congratulate you
on your findings. Our analysis
tends to agree with yours regarding
Coors. It certainly does
suck at about any temperature.
Now, it was our intention when
redesigning the MGD can to
create better brand identity
and brand loyalty. Someone in
marketing did some kind of research
and determined we needed
to redesign the can. You
will be pleased to know, we have
fired that idiot and he is now
reeking havoc at a pro-gun
control beer manufacturer.
The design staffer working in
cahoots with the marketing idiot
was also down-sized. How-
ever, once we realized this
mistake, to undo it would have
been even a bigger mistake.
So, we took some other actions.
From our market research, we
found a difference between
Northern beer drinkers and Southern
beer drinkers.
Beer drinkers in the South tend
to drink slower than beer
drinkers in the North.
We are still researching why that
is. Anyway, at Miller
Beer, it was never our intentions
to have someone take more than
2.5 minutes to enjoy one of
our beers. We pride ourselves
in creating fine, smooth,
quick drinking beers and leave
the making of sissy, slow
sipping beers to that Sam guy
in Boston.
However, it is good to know that
you feel our Miller Lite
can last as long as 6 minutes.
However, may we suggest
in the future you try consuming
at least two in that time
frame.
From your letter, we had our
design staff work 'round the
clock to come up with a solution
that would help not just
MGD but all our fine Miller
products. We hope you have
recently noticed our solution
to your problem. We found
that the hole in the top of
the can was not big enough for
quick consumption. So, we have
now introduced the new
"Wide Mouth" cans. We
hope this will solve all your
problems. Might I also
suggest that if you want to get
the beer out of the can even
faster, you can poke a hole
on the side near the bottom,
hold your finger over it,
open the can, tip it to your
mouth and then pull your
finger off the hole. This
is a common way to drink beer
at parties and impress
your friends. This technique is
known as "shot-gunning".
You should like the name.
Again, thank you for your letter
and bringing to our
attention that there might be
other
beer drinkers taking
more that 2.5 minutes to drink
our beers. Let me assure
you that I am have our advertising
department work on a
campaign to solve this problem,
too.
Sincerely,
Tom B. Miller Public Relations
Miller Brewing Co.
P.S. And remember, at Miller
Beer we do favor gun control,
too. So please use two
hands when firing.
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Subj: Norm
Peterson, from the TV show Cheers! (S35)
From: ipkis on 97-08-07
(See 'Cliff-ese Riddles'
in RIDDLE-SUPP2)
"Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost
nipping at your nose?"
"Yep, now let's get Joe Beer
nipping at my liver, huh?"
"What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"Another layer for the winter,
Wood."
"Whatcha up to Norm?"
"My ideal weight if I were eleven
feet tall."
"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean pour."
"How's life treating you, Norm?"
"Like it caught me sleeping
with its' wife."
"Women. Can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts."
"What's going down, Normie?"
"My butt cheeks on that bar
stool"
"How's life in the fast lane?"
"Dunno, can't get on the on-ramp."
"Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson."
"Alright, but stop me at one....
make that one-thirty."
"How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody,
and I'm wearing
Milk-Bone underwear!"
"What's the story, Norm?"
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks
beer. Boy meets another beer."
"How about a beer, Norm?"
"That's that amber sudsy stuff,
right? I've heard good
things about it!"
"What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"The question is what's going
in Mr. Peterson. A beer
please, Woody."
"What's up, Normie?"
"My nipples, it's freezing out
there."
"Can I draw you a beer, Norm?"
"No, I know what they look like.
Just pour me one."
"How about a beer, Norm?"
"Hey I'm high on life, Coach.
Of course, beer is my life."
"How's a beer sound, Norm?"
"I dunno. I usually finish
them before they get a word in."
"What's up, Norm?"
"Corners of my mouth, Coach."
"What's shaking, Norm?"
"All four cheeks and a couple
of chins, Coach."
"Beer, Normie?"
"Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one
this week. Eh, why not, I'm still young."
"Normie, Normie, could this be
Vera?"
"With a lot of expensive surgery,
maybe."
"What's up, Normie?"
"The temperature under my collar,
Coach."
"What would you say to a nice
beer, Normie?"
"Going down."
"What's up, Norm?"
"Everything that's supposed
to be."
"What's new, Normie?"
"Terrorists, Sam. They've
taken over my stomach.
They're demanding beer."
"What'll it be, Normie?"
"Just the usual Coach.
I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel."
"What would you say to a beer,
Normie?"
"Daddy wuvs you."
"What'd you like, Normie?"
"A reason to live. Gimme
another beer."
"What will you have, Norm?"
"Well, I'm in a gambling mood,
Sammy.
I'll take a glass of whatever
comes out of that tap."
"Oh, looks like beer, Norm."
"Call me Mister Lucky."
"What do you say, Norm?"
"Any cheap, tawdry thing that'll
get me a beer."
"What do you say to a beer, Normie?"
"Hiya, sailor. New in
town."
"Whaddya say, Norm?"
"Well, I never met a beer I
didn't drink. And down it goes."
"What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?"
"Boxer shorts and loose shoes.
But I'll settle for a beer."
"Hey Norm, how's the world been
treating you?"
"Like a baby treats a diaper."
"Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson
"No, I'd like a dead cat in
a glass."
"How's life treating you?"
"It's not, Sammy, but you can!"
"Can I pour you a draft, Mr.
Peterson?"
"A little early, isn't it Woody?"
"For a beer?"
"No, for stupid questions."
"What's the story, Mr. Peterson?
"The Bobbsey twins go to the
brewery. Let's cut
to the happy ending."
"Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a
cold one waiting for you."
"I know, and if she calls, I'm
not here."
"Beer, Norm?"
"Have I gotten that predictable?
Good."
"What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"A flashing sign in my gut that
says, 'Insert beer here."
\\\//
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Subj: Truth
About Drinking Beer (S195)
From: ICohen on 10/23/2000
Cheers "Wisdom"
THE TRUTH ABOUT DRINKING BEER>
..the "smartest" thing Cliff
EVER said on Cheers! One
afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin
was explaining the buffalo Theory
to his buddy Norm. And
here's how it went: "Well ya
see Norm, it's like this....A
herd of buffalo can only
move as fast as the slowest buffalo.
And when the herd is hunted,
it is the slowest and weakest
ones at the back that are killed
first. This natural selection
is good for the herd as a whole,
because the general speed and
health of the whole group keeps
improving by the regular
killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the
human brain can only operate
as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol,
as we all know, kills brain cells,
but naturally it attacks the
slowest and weakest brain cells
first. In this way, regular
consumption of beer eliminates the
weaker brain cells, making the
brain a faster and more efficient
machine. That's why you
always feel smarter after a few beers."
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Subj: Why
A Beer Is Better Than A Woman (S28)
From: Yzmir's HUMOR LISTS Updated 5/22/1997
You can enjoy a beer all month.
Beer stains wash out.
You don't have to wine and dine
a beer.
Your beer will always wait patiently
for you in the car.
When beer goes flat you toss
it out.
Beer is never late.
HANGOVERS go away.
A beer doesn't get jealous when
you grab another beer.
Beer labels come off without
a fight.
When you go to a bar, you know
you can always pick up a beer.
Beer never has a headache.
After you have a beer, the bottle
is still worth a dime.
A beer won't get upset if you
come home with beer on your breath.
If you pour a beer right, you
will always get good head.
You can have more than one beer
a night and not feel guilty.
A beer ALWAYS goes down easy.
You can share a beer with your
friends.
You always know that you are
the first one to pop a beer.
A beer is always wet.
Beer doesn't demand equality.
A beer doesn't care when you
come.
You can have a beer in public.
A frigid beer is a good beer.
You don't have to wash a beer
before it tastes good.
Beer always comes in multiples
of six.
Beer doesn't mind being in the
"wet spot" that IT left.
You can't catch anything but
a "buzz" from a beer.
After you have a beer, you're
committed to nothing other than
dumping the empty
bottle.
A beer never costs you more
than five dollars and
never leaves you
thirsty.
When your beer is gone, you
just pop another.
You rarely (if ever) find beer
labels on the shower curtain rod.
Beer looks the same in the morning.
Beer doesn't look you up in
a month.
Beer doesn't worry about someone
walking in.
Beer doesn't worry about waking
the kids.
Beer doesn't get cramps.
Beer doesn't have a mother.
Beer doesn't have morals.
Beer doesn't go crazy once a
month.
Beer always listens and never
argues.
Beer labels don't go out of
style every year.
Beer doesn't whine, it bubbles.
Beer doesn't have cold hands/feet.
Beer doesn't demand legality.
Beer is never overweight.
If you change beers, you don't
have to pay alimony.
Beer won't run off with your
credit cards.
Beer doesn't have a lawyer.
Beer doesn't need much closet
space.
Beer can't give your herpes
or other nasty things.
Beer doesn't complain about
the way you drive.
Beer doesn't mind if you fart
or belch.
Beer never changes its mind.
Beer doesn't tease you or play
hard to get.
Beer never asks you to change
the station.
Beer doesn't make you go shopping.
Beer doesn't tell you to mow
the grass.
Beer doesn't mind seeing Chuck
Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.
Beer is always easy to pick
up.
Big, fat beers are nice to have.
Beer doesn't pout or play games.
Beer NEVER says no.
Beer is easy to get into.
Beer never complains when you
take it somewhere.
Beer doesn't need to go to the
'powder room' with other beers.
Beer doesn't wear a bra.
Beer doesn't mind getting dirty.
Beer doesn't complain about
insensitivity.
Beer doesn't use up your toilet
paper.
Beer doesn't live with its mother.
Beer doesn't blow you off.
Beer doesn't care if you have
no culture or manners.
Beer doesn't bitch, yell, or
cry.
Beer doesn't mind football season.
A beer won't make you go to
church.
A beer is more likely to know
how to spell "carburetor"
than a woman.
A beer doesn't think baseball
is stupid simply because
the guys spit.
A beer doesn't think DOS is
pronounced "dose".
A beer doesn't give a fuck if
you keep a bunch of other
beers around.
A beer will not insist that
those odious Michelin
commercials with
the babies are "cute".
If a beer leaks all over the
room, it smells kinda
good for a while.
A beer will not call you a sexist
pig if you say "doberman"
instead of
"doberperson".
A beer won't get a job as a
DJ and play 5 straight hours
of lesbian folk
music on your favorite radio station.
A beer won't claim that the
Three Stooges are shitheads.
A beer won't raise a fuss about
a little thing like
leaving the toilet
seat up.
If you mention a "three-hundred-fifty
cubic-inch V8" around
a beer, it won't
think you're talking about an enormous
can of vegetable
juice.
A beer won't whine that seatbelts
hurt.
A beer won't smoke in your car.
A beer won't argue that there's
no difference between
shooting down an
unidentified aircraft in a war zone
and blowing a Korean
airliner out of the sky.
A beer will never buy a car
with automatic transmission.
A beer will actually *support*
belching and farting and
share your enthusiasm
for getting them included as
demonstration sports
in the 1992 Olympic Games in Barcelona.
A beer is always ready to leave
on time.
A beer never fishes for compliments.
Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli Girl)
have fabulous tits.
Beer tastes *good*.
If you take a beer outta the
fridge just to look at it
but then decide
to drink it, the beer won't accuse
you of "date rape".
A beer won't raise any objections
to an evening of watching
"John Holmes' Greatest
Hits" on your VCR.
An ice-cold beer will nonetheless
let you have your way with it.
A beer won't make you pick up
some tampons when
you go to the grocery
store.
A beer won't accuse you of lying
when you say you read
Penthouse "just
for the articles". (You *are* lying,
but the beer won't
accuse you of it.
A beer won't worry that you'll
go to jail if you videotape
a Giants game without
the expressed, written consent of
the National Football
League.
A beer won't fill up your car
with cheesy 85-octane gas
with the excuse:
"But I saved a quarter!"
A beer will *never* make you
go to a Swedish movie.
A beer will *never* make you
turn off "Fists of Fury Theater"
on channel 5 on
Saturday afternoons.
A beer won't accuse you of being
a sexist pig if you say
"Gene Hackman"
instead of "Gene Hackperson".
A beer won't make you eat some
experimental vegetarian
meal that tastes
like STP Oil Treatment.
When you're through with a beer,
the thought of another
beer doesn't make
you ill.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Do Re
Mi Drink, by Homer J. Simpson.
From: auntieg on 97-10-01
Ahh..the lovely taste of beer.
DO RE MI DRINK, by Homer J. Simpson.
|
|
|
| *ahem* La la la la.... *ahem* LAAAAAAA!!
DO...... the stuff... that buys
me beer...
RAY..... the guy that sells
me beer...
ME...... the one... who drinks
the beer,
FAR..... a long way to get beer...
SO...... I'll have another beer...
| LA......
I'll have another beer...
| TEA.....
no thanks, I'm drinking beer...
| That
will bring us back to...
| (Looks
into an empty glass)
|
D'OH!
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
Subj: Short
Beer Jokes (S100)
| Subj:
The Beer Store (S502c)
From: darrell94590 on 9/7/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Graphic Road Accident (S486)
From: LABLaughsClean on 5/4/2006 |
This is so sad. Every once
in a while a graphic picture
of a road accident makes the
rounds on the internet. The
picture you are about to view
is one of the most hideous
displays of road carnage you
are ever likely to see.
Warning, this picture may have
long lasting traumatic
effect on you, not for people
with weak stomachs! I cried
when I saw this! It really
is a shame! You can view the
picture on my web site by clicking
'HERE'.
| Subj:
New T-Shirt Logo (S485c)
From: CKButch4Femme on 5/7/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Amazing Bar Maid (S465)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/20/2005 |
| Subj:
Beer Cartoon (S459)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/9/2005 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Beer Poster (S448)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/25/2005 |
| Subj:
The Beer Quiz (S436)
From: Ab Origine Mundi © 2004 On 5/29,2005 |
 |
Top
Subj: Man
Orders A Bush Beer (S335b - bar2)
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/29/2003
A guy walks into a bar and says
to the woman bartender,
"Hey, babe, Anheuser Busch?"
"Fine", she says, "and how's
your dick?"
Top
Subj: Unsafe
Water At Fraternity House (S329b)
From: igiggle on 5/21/2003
Randy: So you say the water
that you get here at the
fraternity house is unsafe?
Jim: Yeah.
Randy: Well, tell me, what precautions
do you
take against it?
Jim: First we filter
it.
Randy: Yes.
Jim: Then we boil
it.
Randy: Ok.
Jim: Then we add
chemicals to it.
Randy: And then?
Jim: And then we
drink beer.
Top
Subj: Mind
Your P's & Q's (S300b)
From: CHRISDADDYG on 10/11/2002
P&Q's comes from pints and
quarts. In a English Pub, the
beer was served in P&Q.
When the croud got routy, the
bartender would say mind your
P&Q's.
Top
Subj: Opening
Beer Bottles w/Your Belly Button (S292b)
From: jerry on 9/2/2002
A Milwaukee, Wisconsin, man
discovered two years ago that
he has an amazing ability to
open beer bottles with his
belly button. He stuffs
the neck of the bottle into his
belly button, then bears down
with his muscles and fat,
holding the bottle tight while
the cap gets twisted off.
How did he discover this unique talent?
He and his friends were bored
one night and they decided
to see how many dimes would
fit into their belly buttons
"to impress the girls."
No word on how impressed the
girls were. After he got
14 dimes into his belly button
they decided to see how far
they could get a beer bottle
into his belly button and then
see if he could open the
bottle using his belly button.
The rest is history.
He says some brands chafe more than others when being opened.
Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel (Milwaukee,
Wisconsin) 29-Aug-02
Top
Subj: Nortel
vs. Budweiser (S243, S579b)
From: coreymac on 9/24/2001
and
From: tom on 2/13/2008
If you bought $1000 worth of
Nortel stock one year ago, it
would now be worth $49.
With Enron, you would have $16.50
of the original $1,000.00.
With Worldcom, you would have
less than $5.00 left.
If you bought $1000 worth of
Budweiser (the beer, not the
stock) one year ago, drank all
the beer, and traded in the
cans for the nickel deposit,
you would have $79.
Based on the above, my current
investment advice is to
drink heavily and recycle.
This is a new retirement
program, I call it the 401Keg.
Top
Subj: Orkney
Beer From Cow Poop (S240b)
From: bonehead on 9/4/2001
Historian Merryn Dineley, from
Manchester University,
claims to have recreated an
ancient Orkney beer recipe
which was flavored with animal
dung, after uncovering
what she believes to be a 5,000-year-old
pub and brewery
on the remote islands.
The way we see it, after 5,000
years, the pub has finally
gotten a customer.
The beer is made in clay pots
with traces of animal
droppings.
She says it is ''quite delicious.''
Ananova 2-Sep-01
Top
Subj: The
Things We Do For Our Beer Man.. (S120)
From: thebartend 5/20/99
Sometimes when I reflect back
on all the beer I drink I feel
ashamed. Then I look into
the glass and think about the workers
in the brewery and all of their
hopes and dreams.
If I didn't drink this beer,
they might be out of work and their
dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is
better that I drink this beer and let
their dreams come true than
be selfish and worry about my liver."
Top
Subj: Beer
Contains Female Genes (S14, S577b)
From bassmen on 98/10/12
and
From: AFine963 on 1/29/2008
Last month, National University
of Lesotho scientists released
the results of a recent analysis
that revealed the presence of
female hormones in beer.
Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains
female hormones (hops contain
phytoestrogens) and that by
drinking enough beer, men turn
into women.
To test the theory, 100 men drank
8 pints of beer each within
a 1 hour period.
It was then observed that 100%
of the test subjects:
1. Argued over
nothing.
2. Refused to apologize
when obviously wrong.
3. Gained weight.
4. Talked excessively
without making sense.
5. Became overly
emotional.
6. Couldn't drive.
7. Failed to think
rationally.
8. Had to sit down
while urinating.
No further testing was considered
necessary.
A graphical version of this joke
can be found in on my web
site by clicking 'Here'.
In Ames Iowa a husband may not
take more than three gulps of beer
while lying in bed with his
wife, or holding you in his arms.
From: ipkis on 97-11-20 and From: DrRibeiro
on 8/2/99 (S131B)
Women should put pictures of
missing husbands on beer cans!
From: humorlist-digest V2 #4 on 98-01-04
Men are like coolers...
load them with beer and
you can take them anywhere.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #116 on 98-05-11
Beauty is in the eye of the
beer holder ...
24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
From: RFSlick on 98-08-03
To some its a six-pack, to me
it's a support Group
From: humorlist-digest V2 #218 on 98-09-15
It was probably really annoying
to be the only pirate with
a hook for a hand at parties,
because EVERYBODY would be
asking you to open their beer.
Although, if you didn't
know anyone it would be a good
way to meet people.
From: ossama on 98-11-25
If you ever reach total enlightenment
while you're drinking a
beer, I bet it makes beer shoot
out your nose.
From: ossama on 99-01-27 (S105)
BEER: It's not just for breakfast
anymore.
From: Tom_Adams on 3/24/99
God made pot. Man made
beer. Who do you trust?
-The Irish Times. Washington,
D.C.
From: JCary on 08/25/2000 (S187)
Remember "I" before "E", except
in Budweiser.
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862!
From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/28/2004
(S414b - men4)
Man only learned to walk upright
cause they put
beer on the top shelf!
Q: What is the difference between
beer nuts and deer nuts?
A: Beer nuts are about a dollar
and deer nuts are under a buck.
Q: Why do men talk so dirty?
A: So they can wash their mouth
out with beer.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #213 on 97-11-29
Q: How many men does it take
to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened
by the time she brings it to the couch.
From: PGSP4LIFE on 09/17/1999 (S139)
Q: What's the difference between
a dog and a fox?
A: Eight beers.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
 |
Smiley drinks a beer from
Smiley_Central |