Subj: Body Parts Jokes
(Includes 68 jokes, 22 1132n,31,cLf,wYT2a5a,22)
The file is called 'Eyes_n_Ears'
..........Updated through Test: Are You Nearsighted?
Click "Here" for Body Parts-Supp
Also see ANIMALS-OTHRS- 'Snake
Sees Doctor For Glasses'
ASIA file - 'Hindu Women's Red Spot'
BAR1 file - 'Is It Plastic Or Rubber?'
BLONDE2 file - 'Where Babies Come From'
CARTOON file - 'Bizarro Comic Strip'
CLOTHING-SUPP- 'Mother Goose & Grimm Comic Strip'
COWS-SHEP-SUP- 'How Sheep Pick Their Nose'
DARWIN AWRDS1- 'Struck In Head By Train'
......................- 'Man Looses His Face'
......................- 'Shot In Head With Arrow'
DARWIN AWRDS2- 'Bungee Jumping'
DATING1 file - 'Guy Meets Girl At Mailbox'
......................- 'Man Catches Woman's Glass Eye'
DIFFERENCES1 - 'Female Brain Cell In A Man'
DOCTOR2 file - 'Man Swallows His Glass Eye'
DOCTOR3 file - 'Delivering A Skeleton'
DOCTOR-SUPP - 'Doctor Riddle'
DOG1 file - 'Hairy Dog Is Hard Of Hearing'
DRINKING - 'Coming Home After Week End Binge'
.........ELDERLY1 file- 'Elderly Couple Share A Meal'
.........ELDERLY2 file- 'Ellie Wants SUPERSEX'
......................- 'Two Old Men And A Hearing Aid'
ELDERLY4 file- 'Elderly Accident - Poem'
ENGINEER1 - 'Mind Over Mechanics' - Video
FACTS4 file - 'Anton's Polish Nose'
FART file - 'Silent Fart'
FAT file - 'Dirty Picture In The Refrigerator'
GOLF3 file - 'Three Deaf Retirees Play Golf'
HOSPITAL2 - 'Man Gets Bionic Arm'
......................- 'True Hospital Stories'
IRISH2 file - 'Paddy's Fingers'
JOBS1 file - 'Who's In Charge'
JOBS3 file - 'Boss w/No Ears Needs New Employee'
KIDS1 file - 'Wooden Eye'
KIDS2 file - 'Losing A Contact Lens In Basketball'
......................- 'Momma Is Gonna Eat Your Fingers'
......................- 'Girl Asked Mom About White Hair'
LETTERS2 file- 'A Love Letter
MEN1 file - 'Conservative Man Wears Earring'
MEN2 file - 'What's Wrong With This Photo'
MUSIC2 file - 'Beethoven's Fifth Symphony On Buttocks' - Video
PENIS2 file - 'Body Builder Strips'
PENIS-SUPP - 'US Medical School Entrance Exam'
PHONE file - 'Cell Phone Holder'
PHONE-SUPP - 'Mosquito Ringtones'
PUSSY-SUPP - 'Driving And Shaving Just Don't Mix'
QUOT-COMED-S2- 'Red Skelton's Hair Routine' - Video
SCIENCE1 file- 'The McGurk Effect: Watch Your Ears Lie To You' - Video
SCOTTISH file- 'The Gleam In Your Eye'
SEX DRAWINGS - 'Eye Chart'
SEX2 file - 'Eye Chart'
SHIPS file - 'Elderly Lady w/Hat On Ship'
SKIING file - 'Writing Your Name In The Snow'
SLOGAN-PROVRB- 'Pickles Comic Strip'
TESTS1 file - 'Intriguing Intelligence Test'
THOUGHTS-LND2- 'How To Survive A Heart Attack Alone' in NonJokes
THO-SILLY-SUP- 'Pickles Comic Strip'
......................- 'Six Truths Of Life'
TREES file - 'What Do You Hear?'
WAITER-WAITRS- 'Waitress w/Thumb In The Food'
WOMEN3 file - 'What Women Think About Their Ass'
Subj: Eye Animated GIF (S978)
From: Spirit Science in 2015
..............Sometimes memories sneak out of
..............my eyes and roll down my cheeks.
Subj: Young Couple Goes To Mountains (S265)
From: thebartend in 2002
Mother And Daughter' in AMISH
and 'Cold Hands Between The Legs' in DATING1)
Two young lovers go up to the
mountains for a romantic
winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out
to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey,
my hands are freezing!" She says, "Well put them here
between my legs and that will warm them up."
After lunch he goes back out
to chop some more wood and
comes back and says again, "Man! My hands are really
freezing!" She says again, "Well put them here between
my legs and warm them up."
He does, and again that warms
him up. After dinner, he
goes out one more time to chop wood for the night. When
he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands are really
She looks at him and says, "For
crying out loud, don't
your *ears* ever get cold?"
Medical Animation - Heal
From: kgilmour in 2013
We built this MEDICAL ANIMATION
from the ground up to showcase
the talents of Ghost Productions at the 2009 American Association
of Orthopedic Surgeons in Las Vegas. Instead of showing pre-
existing client work in our reel, we thought it would be more
fun to make a character animation, break nearly every bone in
his body and then surgically repair him in under 3 minutes.
Click 'HERE' to see this great animation.
Subj: Two Women Discuss Cosmetic Surgery
From: LABLaughs.com in 2003 (S322)
Two women were having lunch together,
the merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says,
"I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."
The second woman says "Oh that's
nothing, I'm thinking
of having my asshole bleached!" To which the first
replies, "Whoa, I just can't picture your husband as a
Michio Kaku: This is Your Brain on a Laser Beam
Created by Big Think (S896d-iFrame)
Photo from YouTube.com
Popular American theoretical
physicist Michio Kaku explains
why living in a state of pure consciousness without a body
is possible. What was once considered in the realm of
science fiction can actually exist with the right advances
in technology. Click 'HERE' and prepare to have your mind
Subj: Elderly Wife Is Hard Of Hearing
From: DoctorDebt in 2003 (S354b, S855)
An elderly gentleman of 85 feared
his wife was getting hard
of hearing. So one day he called her doctor to make an
appointment to have her hearing checked. The Doctor made
an appointment for a hearing test in two weeks, and mean-
while there's a simple informal test the husband could do
to give the doctor some idea of the state of her problem.
"Here's what you do," said the
doctor, "start out about
40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational
speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30
feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in
the kitchen cooking dinner,
and he's in the living room. He says to himself, 'I'm
about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a
normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for supper?" He hears
no response. So the husband moved to the other end of
the room, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey,
what's for supper?" Still he hears no response.
Next he moves into the dining
room where he is about 20
feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for supper?"
Again he gets no response so he walks up to the kitchen
door, only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?"
Again there is no response, so he walks right up behind
her. "Honey, what's for supper?"
(I just love this!)
"Damn it Earl, for the fourth time, CHICKEN!"
Subj: Most People have 32 Teeth (S1000)
From: Roger Ford on Facebook in 2016
Spot The Imposter
From: AFine963 in 2007
..........(S540b in Polit-Supp)
Four of these five people are
Republicans, the other is a
Democrat. Click 'HERE' to test your observational skills.
Subj: Body Part Quiz (S580c)
From: Puzzles And Brain Teasers in 2008
Source: (Removed from apuzzlezone.com)
1. What is the largest number
of fingers and
toes ever possessed by one person?
2. What is the longest recorded attack of hiccupping?
3. How many square feet of skin cover the human body?
4. How much of the body is made up of bones?
The solution can be found on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
From: darrell94590 in 2005
(Also see 'Japanese Illusionist' in Asian)
Don't miss this short, very funny
video. You will laugh
your head off. Click 'HERE' to view it.
Magician Rich Ferguson's Sneezy
By CNN Distraction (DU,d-iFrame)
. Source: www.youtube.com/embed/QxJPKeqfn7c
to see Magician Rich Ferguson surprises
unsuspecting passersby with his unique sneezes.
Subj: Needing Surgery On A Bad Ear (S443)
From: LABLaughsClean in 2005
My cousin is in a bad spot. He's
got a bad inner ear problem
that needs surgery soon, or he'll lose his hearing on that
side. He has no insurance, though, and the cost is WAY too
much for him. He does have a way out, though. A local elderly
widow has offered to pay for the operation, but only if he'll
marry her, afterwards! She's 50 years older than him! You
could call it a wife or deaf situation.
Test: Are You Nearsighted?
in 2009 (S655b,d-On Site)
Source: (Removed from ebaumnation)
Find out in 30 quick seconds
how nearsighted you are.
Click 'HERE' to take this test.
by John Graziano on 5/31/2010
The blonde went to an eye doctor
to have her eyes checked
for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various
letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.
The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that
the eye doctor in disgust took a paper sack with a hole
to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked
her to read the letters. As he did so, he noticed the
blonde had tears streaming down her face.
"Look," said the doctor, "there's
no need to get emotional
about glasses." "I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind
of had my heart set on wire frames."
Subj: Eyeball Jewelry (S387)
From: jerry on 6/21/2004
The latest fashion trend in the
Netherlands is eyeball
jewelry where an eye surgeon implants a piece of jewelry,
3.5 mm wide, into the mucus membranes of the eye itself.
The procedure costs between $800 and $1,600. It has proven
popular and there is a waiting list.
Australian Broadcasting Corp
Subj: Elderly Man Gets Hearing Aid (S222)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 5/1/2001
An elderly gentleman had serious
hearing problems for a
number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was
able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that
allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back
in a month to the doctor
and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family
must be really pleased that you can hear again."
To which the gentleman said,
"Oh, I haven't told my family
yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations.
I've changed my will three times!"
by John Graziano on 2/26/2009
|Click on the button below
for the answer and other
amazing facts about
Subj: Having No Ears
From: humorlist-digest V1 #196 on 97-09-10 07
(Also see 'Boss w/No Ears Needs New Employee' in JOBS3)
There was this man who was in
a horrible accident, and was
injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was
the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this
"unusual" handicap, he was very self-conscious.
Because of the accident, he received
a large sum of money
from the insurance company. It was always his dream to
own his own business, so he decided with all this money
he had, he now had the means to own a business.
So he went out and purchased
a small, but expanding
computer firm. He realized, however, that he had no
business knowledge at all. So he decided that he would
have to hire someone to run the business.
He picked out three top candidates,
and interviewed each
of them. The first interview went really well. He really
liked this guy. His last question for this first candidate
was "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
The candidate said, "Now that
you mention it, you have no
The man got really upset and threw the guy out.
The second interview went even
better than the first.
This candidate was much better than the first. Again, to
conclude the interview, the man asked the same question
again, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
This candidate also noticed, "Yes, you have no ears."
The man was really upset again,
and threw the second
Then he had the third interview.
The third candidate was
even better than the second, the best out of all of them.
Almost certain that he wanted to hire this guy, the man
once again asked, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
The candidate replied "Yeah, you're wearing contact lenses."
Surprised, the man then asked,
"Wow! That's quite perceptive
of you! How could you tell?"
The guy burst out laughing and
said, "Well, You can't wear
glasses if you don't have any f---ing ears!"
Subj: Pickles Comic Strip (S1047)
By Brian Crane on 1/31/2017
Subj: Baby Born Without Ears (S313)
From: JBCARY1 on 1/27/2003
Little Johnny's next door neighbor
had a baby. Unfortunately,
the little baby was born without ears. When they arrived
home from the hospital, the parents invited little Johnny's
family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's
parents were very afraid their son would have a wise crack
to say about the baby. So, little Johnny's Dad had a long
talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He
said, "Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears.
I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word
about his ears, or I'm really going to spank your butt hard
when we get back home."
"I promise not to mention his
missing ears at all," said
little Johnny. At the neighbor's home, little Johnny leaned
over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at
it's mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!"
The mother, who had braced herself
for Johnny's comment, was
pleasantly surprised and said, "Thank you very much, little
Then Johnny said, "This baby
has perfect little hands and
perfect little feet. Why, just look at his pretty little
eyes! Did his doctor say he can see good?"
The mother said a bit bewildered,
hesitantly replies "Why,
yes... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision, why do you ask?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, it
is a good thing, 'cause he
sure as fuck can't wear glasses."
Feeling Forgetful? (S635)
By Mary Kearl
From: AOLHealth.com on 3/8/2009
Click 'HERE' to learn nine reasons for memory loss.
Subj: The Ear And Sex (S41, S355)
From: cohen#il on 97-10-30
and From: thebartend on 11/19/2003
(Also see 'Who enjoys sex more?'in DIFFERENCES2)
A man and a woman were having
drinks when they got into an
argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men
obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think
we're so obsessed with getting laid?"
"That doesn't prove anything,"
the woman countered. "Think
about this: When your ear itches and you put your little
finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which
feels better your ear or your finger?
by John Graziano on 1/7/2009
|Click on the button below
for this amazing
Subj: Short Body Part Jokes
Subj: ONLY Sleep On Your LEFT SIDE! (S984d)
Subj: How Smart Is Your Right Foot? (S368, S549b)
From: Imogenelumen on 2/8/2004
and From: LABLaughsClean on 7/21/2007
This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you
will keep trying at least 50 more times to see if you can
outsmart your foot, but you can't.
While sitting at your desk, lift
your right foot off the
floor and make clockwise circles. Now, while doing this,
draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.
Your foot will change direction!
Touch The Mouse Pointer To His Nose
Made by SelfControlFreak (S760d-On Site)
From: kgilmour2000 on 8/8/2011
Go to http://www.selfcontrolfreak.com
to see all twenty-
two interactive videos.
DEKA Bionic Arm (S682b,d-Object)
From: Wimp.com on 2/4/2010
to see this wonderful, new help for our
Subj: When Our Body Grows Old (S347b)
From: woneye on 9/20/2003
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is
standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard
look at herself.
"You know love" she says, "I
look in the mirror and I see
an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely
above my waist, my butt is hanging out a mile. I've got
fat legs and my arms are all flabby"
She turns to her husband and
says..... "Tell me something
positive to make me feel better about myself"
He thinks about it for a bit
and then says "well......
there's nothing wrong with your eyesight".
Unusual Eye Test (S669)
From: tom on 11/5/2009
Click 'HERE' to look at this unusual picture, and try
Subj: One Big Happy Comic Strip (S642)
by Rick Detorie on 5/1/2009
Amazing Eyes (S446b)
From: darrell94590 on 8/5/2005
I don't know if this is real or fake, but you WILL
Subj: Artificial Assholes (S254b)
From: pns on 12/15/2001
In August, the Food and Drug Administration approved the
artificial Neosphincter, a prescription-required, pump-
operated device to give relief for otherwise-hopelessly
incontinent people; although the device recorded too many
"adverse incidents" in trials to be marketed to the general
population, it claimed a 90 percent success rate for
patients specially trained in its use. [Yahoo News-Reuters,
Elmo Prank Call #3 (S636c,d-Object)
From: CKButch4Femme on 3/21/2009
Body Parts Trivia Test (S632c)
From: Puzzles And Brain Teasers on 2/6/2009
..........Source: (Removed from afunzone.com)
Subj: Removing The Husbands Glasses (S213)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 3/3/2001
Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband
was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap.
I carefully removed his glasses.
"You know, honey," I said sweetly,
"Without your glasses
you look like the same handsome young man I married."
"Honey," he replied with a grin,
"Without my glasses, you
still look pretty good too!"
Hemorrhoid Remedy (S571c)
From: Dr. Peter Gott
in Vallejo Times Herald on 11/29/2007
Vitamine B6 And Frequent Urination (S570b)
From: Dr. Peter Gott
in Vallejo Times Herald on 12/25/2007
Subj: World's Best Hearing Aid (S136, S403b)
From: PGSP4LIFE on 9/2/99
and From: ICohen on 10/5/2004
A man tells his friend that he has bought the best, most
expensive hearing aid in the world. He goes on to say that
it is invisible in the ear, it is so comfortable you don't
even realize it's there, and the battery lasts for years.
The friend asked "How much did it cost?"
He replied "It cost me four thousand
dollars, but it's
state of the art. It's perfect."
Really," answered the friend. "What kind is it?"
Men Regrowing Hair (S566c)
From: Dr. Peter Gott
in Vallejo Times Herald on 11/27/2007
Gay Finger Test (S547 in Gays)
..........From: LABLaughsAdult on 5/14/2007
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Subj: Old Man's Hearing Aid Doesn't Work (S214)
..........From: KMACINTY on 3/9/2001
(Also see 'Two Old Ladies And The Suppository' in ELDERLY@-SUPP)
A very old man came in and told the Audiologist his hearing aid
was not working. She checked his ear and found a suppository
in its foil wrapping. Removing it and showing the patient,
elicits the following from the patient - "You know where that
means my hearing aid is?"
Hearing Aids - Comic Strip (S498c)
From: darrell94590 on 8/8/2006
You can view this cute, silly comic strip by
If My Body Were A Car (S473b)
From: redcatt on 2/7/2006
Subj: Senility Prayer (S192)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 10/6/00
God, grant me the Senility
To forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune
To run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight
To tell the difference.
Online Eye Chart (S467)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/31/2005
Source: (Removed from menshealth.com)
||Subj: World Beard and
Moustache Championships (S459)
From: igiggle on 11/8/2005
Color Blindness Test (S460)
From: EyeTricks.com on 11/14/2005
Subj: ... Like Butt Cheeks (S774)
From: Heidi Sapp-Godwin on 11/8/2011
Source: (Removed from PhotoBucket.com)
Subj: A What Is It Riddle
LABLaughs.com on 9/5/2001
A hole leading in, a hole leading out, we connect to a
cavern that is slimey all throughout. What are we?
Scroll down for the answer
Here it comes
About 20% of all adults in the
US have or have had a
cockroach that called their inner ear canal HOME. They
enter while you sleep! This rates a good 10 on the
ewwww-yuck scale and right up there with the fact that
many of us have eaten a spider in our sleep tooooo
His friend asks him, "What kind is it?"
"A quarter past four," he answers.
In Michigan a state law stipulates
that a woman's hair
legally belongs to her husband....
Your feet are bigger in the afternoon
than the rest of
Our eyes are always the same
size from birth, but our
nose and ears never stop growing.
Every person has a unique tongue print.
The average person is about a
quarter of an inch taller
A pack-a-day smoker will lose
approximately 2 teeth
every 10 yrs.
The word "samba" means "to rub navels together."
Your stomach has to produce a
new layer of mucus every
two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.
4 out of 5 of us have suffered from hemorrhoids.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
Why Yawning Is Contagious:
You yawn to equalize the
pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside
your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures,
so they must yawn to even it out.
From: smiles on 5/5/99
Our eyes are always the same size from birth,
but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Ingrown toenails are hereditary.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
From: igiggle on 6/8/2003 (S322b)
Randy: She sure gave you a dirty look.
Randy: Mother Nature.
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/16/2003 (S333b)
True silence is the rest of the mind; it is to the spirit
what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment.
-- William Penn
From: RFSlick on 8/27/2003 (S343b)
It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.
Almost everyone who reads this email will try to lick
their elbow. P.S. So, did you try to lick your elbow????
From: woneye on 8/27/2003 (S344b)
If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
Don't worry about what people
think; they don't do
it very often.