>>> Subj:     Fat Jokes (Gz)                  (Includes 28 jokes and articles)

Woman Jumping from AGAG Animation Gallery

Also see BANKING file - 'Taking Your Young Son To The Bank'
         BODY PARTS   - 'When Our Body Grows Old'
         CHURCH file  - 'Blonde Man Gets Black Eye'
         DOCTOR2 file - 'Woman Goes On Anal Diet'
         FOOD_ETC file- 'God And The Devil Create Food'
......................- (See whole file)
         FOOD_ETC2    - 'Purina Diet'
         HALLOWEEN    - 'Scary Halloween Picture'
         MARRIAGE1    - 'Heatin' Up The Weber'
         MONKEY1 file - 'Man Pays To Loose Weight 1st Vers.'
......................- 'Men Pay To Loose Weight 2ed Vers.'
         WOMEN3 file  - 'What Women Think About Their Ass'
         YOMAMA file  - 'Yo' Mama's So Fat.....
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Subj:     Weird Al Yankovic's I'm Fat (S519c)           From: LABLaughsClean           on 1/3/2007

Photo from WOPVideos.com

 Source: http://www.clownpaint.com/arcade/content/21767/weird-al-yankovic-im-fat.html
          (See 'Smells like Nirvana' in Music-Supp
           and 'Weird Al - White And Nerdy' in Nerd
           and 'Amish Paradise' in Amish)

 This is another wonderful Weird Al movie, which is a parody
 of Michael Jackson's Bad.  You can view it on my web site by
 clicking 'HERE'.

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Subj:     Fat Lady At The Bank
          From: TNKRTEACH on 97-10-09

 A mother takes her 5 year old son with her to the bank on
 a busy Friday.  They get into line behind a rather obese
 lady wearing a business outfit complete with a pager.  As
 the mother waits patiently her son looks at the women in
 front of him and observes loudly,  "Hey, Mom, she's REALLY
 FAT."

 The lady looks at the boy, makes eye contact with the mother
 and gives an understanding smile.  The mother quietly
 reprimands her son.

 After a minute or two the boy spreads his hands as far as
 they will go and loudly says, "I bet her butt is *that* wide."

 At this the lady glares at the little boy and the embarrased
 mother severly scolds her son.

 Again after a couple of minutes the boy states loudly, "look
 how the fat hangs over her belt."  The lady turns and tells
 the mother to control her rude child and the mother threatens
 him with his very life and existance.

 Things in the bank are quiet.  The lady gets to the front of
 the line when her pager begins to emit its distinctive tone.

 The little boy yells in a panic at the top of his voice, "Run
 for you life Mom, she's backing up!!!!"

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Subj:     The 12 Step Program (S401)
          From: DafterLafter on 7/14/2004
          At: www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/043.htm
 

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Subj:     Short Fat Jokes

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Subj:    Frank And Ernest on Weight (S602b)          From: Washington Post.com (in Polit2-Quotes)          on 7/26/2008

 Source: http://members.comics.com/members/common/
.........affiliateArchive.do;jsessionid=aarRtX4g6r77?
.........site=washpost&comic=franknernest&stripId=359539
 This Frank and Ernest comic strip is a quotation by
 Ben Franklin on losing weight.  Click 'HERE' to view it.
 

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Subj:     Frank And Ernest On Diets (S598b)           From: Washington Post.com           on 6/30/2008

 Source: http://members.comics.com/members/common
........./affiliateArchive.do?site=washpost&comic=franknernest
 This Frank and Ernest comic strip deals with the
 "Inflation Diet".  Click 'HERE' to view the comic.
 

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Subj:     Don't Diet This Holiday Season (S518b)           From: LABLaughsClean           on 12/14/2006

 Source: http://www.funny-ecards.com/cards/christmas/no-diet.html

 This movie lists five excellent reasons for not dieting this
 holiday season.  You can view it at the source above, or on
 my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Experts Say (S477c)           From: redcatt           on 3/5/2006

 To view this cute cartoon on my web site, click 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Lost Puppy (S476b)           From: darrell94590           on 2/28/2006

 Our neighbor has lost her Chihuahua.  Your help would be
 greatly appreciated.  You can view the particulars on my
 web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     How To Lose Weight (S404b)           From: LABLaughsAdult           on 10/14/2004

 Source: http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/loseweight.htm
 You can view the cute picture on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Husband Forgot Anniversary (S461)
          From: DoctorDebt on 11/19/2005
 A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding
 anniversary.  His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be
 something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in
 2 seconds flat."

 The next morning the wife found a small package in the
 driveway.  She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

 Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.
 

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Subj: Summer Is When Girls Show Belly Buttons (S440)       From: darrell94590       on 6/26/2005

 To view these two pictures on my web site, click 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Americans At A Chinese Soccer Stadium (S421b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 2/16/2005
 Maybe we Americans should cut back on the french fries after
 all.  On a recent trip to shanghai, china, our tour bus
 filled with Americans passed a new soccer stadium.  I asked
 our guide what the seating capacity was.

 Upon surveying the occupants of the bus, he replied,
"Stadium hold 80,000 Chinese.  Only 40,000 Americans."
 

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Subj:     Two Fat Ladies Exercies And Talk (S402b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 7/1/2004
 Two overweight middle-aged women are on their daily walk.
 They were discussing how hard it is to lose weight as one
 gets older.  One woman complained that she remained apple-
 shaped.  The other woman said that no matter how much she
 exercised, there was to much fat on her backside and
 thighs, and it seemed like it was there to stay.

 Her friend agreed, saying, "It's true.  The lard works in
 mysterious ways."
 

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Subj:     Dirty Picture In The Refrigerator (S309)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/1/2003
 One time when I was home visiting my folks, my mom asked
 me to set the table for dinner.  I opened the refrigerator
 and taped to the inside of the door was a risqu? picture
 of a lovely, slender, perfectly built, but scantily-clad
 young woman.

 "Mom, what's this?" I asked.

 "Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to over-eat,"
 she answered.

 "Is it working?" I asked.

 "Yes and no," she explained. "I've lost 15 pounds, but
 your dad has gained 20!"
 

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Subj:     New Police Cars For Mexican City (S289b)
          From: jerry on 8/15/2002
 The police chief of the Mexican city of Cuidad Juarez wants
 to return the new fleet of 160 Chevrolet Cavalier patrol
 cars because, he says, his officers a too "ample" to fit
 inside the cars.

 "They might as well have gotten us Volkswagen Beetles with
 sunroofs.  Then at least we could have our heads sticking
 out of the top," he says.

 Ananova 14-Aug-02
 

 A man goes to his doctor to find out whats wrong with him.
 "Your problem is your fat" says the doctor.  "I'd like a
 second opion" responds the man.  "OK, your ugly too"
 replies the doctor.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 6/18/2001 (S229)
 "you know you're getting fat when you pinch an inch on your
 forehead."-John Mendoza

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/9/2002 (S293)
 The second day of a diet is always easier than the first.
 By the second day you're off it.  -- Jackie Gleason

From: humorlist-digest V2 #122 on 98-05-17
 Skinny people piss me off. Especially when they say things
 like, "You know, sometimes I forget to eat."  Now I've
 forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys.
 But I've never forgotten to eat.  You have to be a special
 kind of stupid to forget to eat.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 2/14/2002 (S263)
 "In a survey, 80 percent of women thought their ass was too
 fat, 15 percent said their ass was too thin and the other
 five per cent said they didn't care they would have married
 him anyway!!"

From: KMACINTY on 1/17/2003 (S311)
 Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed
 in the end.

From: woneye on 8/27/2003 (S344b)
 It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

 A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

 Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

From: Imogenelumen on 10/16/2003 (S351b)
 A husband says to his wife "What have you been doing with
 all the grocery money I gave you?"
 The wife replies "Turn sideways and look in the mirror."

From: pns on 10/18/2003 (S351b, S571c)
and From: rfslick on 12/31/2007
 Now that food has replaced sex in my life,
 I can't even get into my own pants.

From: igiggle on 8/27/2004 (S467b - quotes-comed)
 Trying to convince your wife you're sticking to your diet?
 Eat the whole cake; leftovers will only prove you've been
 snacking.  -- Bill Cosby

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 2/7/2006 (S473b)
 "It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb
 cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate."
   -- Dave Barry

From: jtgalvan on 5/21/2006 (S487b)
 My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 3/25/2007 (S531b)
 "My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.
  Unless there are three other people."  -- Orson Welles

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Smiley eats too much from Smiley_Central

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