Subj: Food, Cooking, And Recipe Jokes
(Includes 68 jokes, 22 1122n,13,cf,wXT2a7a,11)
Also see ACCIDENTS1 - 'Jerome
Irving Rodale's Death'
ARAB file - 'Two English At A Native Restraunt'
ARKANSAS file- 'Woman Shot In Car'
ASIAN file - 'Indians Drink "Divine" Sea Water'
......................- 'Buddhist Monk Buys A Hot-Dog'
ASIAN-CHINESE- 'China Supermarket w/Roller Coaster'
BALLS file - 'Cojones'
BANKING-Supp - 'Herman Comic Strip'
BIRDS file - 'Two Robins Eat Worms'
......................- 'Man Tried For Killing Bald Eagle'
BIRDS_CHICKEN- 'B.C. Comic Strip'
......................- 'FAA Test'
......................- 'Preparing Chicken'
BIRTHDAYS - 'Slicing A Brithday Cake'
BREAST-SUPP - 'Where Are My Fries?'
BUGS-ETC - 'Black Widow Spiders As Pesticide'
BUTCHER file - 'Russian Woman Goes To The Butcher'
CHRISTMAS1 - 'Season's Greetings'
CHRISTMAS3 - 'T'was The Week After Christmas II'
CHRISTMAS4 - 'Food Tips For The Holidays'
......................- 'BK Holiday Music'
CHRISTMAS SUP- 'Simon's Cat In "Fowl Play"' - Video
CHURCH file - 'I Hate Buttermilk Prayer' - Sign
CLOTHING-SUPP- 'Kansas Wheat Sack Clothes' w/Photo
COMPUTER3 - 'Man With No E-Mail'
DARWIN AWRDS1- 'Death By Hot Dog'
DATING1 file - 'Picking Up Girls With Potatoes'
DATING3 file - 'Sending A Lady A Bottle Of Wine'
......................- 'Food And The Sex Drive'
DOCTOR1 file - 'Doctor Helps Couple's Sex Life'
DOCTOR2 file - 'Speed Bump Cartoon'
......................- 'Doctor Gets Nurse Pregnant'
DOCTOR3 file - 'Dear Doctor...'
......................- 'Heart Attacks'
DOG2 file - 'Three Male Dogs Meet a Beautuful Poodle'
DOG-SUPP - 'Midnight Pizza Pup' - Video
......................- 'Jasper And The Yeast Rolls'
EASTEUROPEAN - 'Man Wants To Buy Polish Sausage'
EDEN file - 'Lost Genesis Chapter 2'
ELDERLY2 file- 'Ellie Wants SUPERSEX'
......................- 'Two Old Men, Wheat Bread and Sex'
ELDERLY4 file- 'Old Mother Hubbard Poem'
ENGINEER2 - 'Why Engineers Don't Write Cook Books'
FACTS3 file - 'Cookies'
FACTS5 file - 'A Little History From the 1500s'
FAIRY TALES - 'Mary Had A Little Lamb - Poem'
FARMER2 file - 'Carnation Milk Contest'
FIREMEN file - 'Roasting Marshmallows'
......................- 'Kitchen Fire'
FOOTBALL file- 'Campbell's Soup And The NFL'
FRENCH file - 'French Onion Dip' - Cartoon
......................- 'French And American Meet At Breakfast'
FUNERAL file - 'Elderly Man Dying For A Cookie'
GAMES file - 'Feeding Husband Cat Food'
GAY-SUPP - 'New Wheaties Cereal Box' - Drawing
GOD2 file - 'Mother Teresa And God'
GRAVEYARD - 'Counting Nuts In The Graveyard'
HEADLINES/ADS- 'Doritos Commercial' - Video
HEAD/ADS-SUP2- 'Denny's Bacon Makes It Better!' - Video
HUNTING-SUPP - 'Bizarro Cartoon'
IRISH2 file - 'Irish Potatoe Marries Idaho Spud'
ITALIAN file - 'John Pinette On Eating In Italy' - Video
......................- '42 Things In The Life Of An Italian Child'
......................- 'Being Italian'
......................- 'George Miller On Italian Food' - Newspaper Column
JEWISH3 file - 'Jewish Women And Chinese Food'
JOB-SUPP - 'Tater People'
JUDGE file - 'UK Wife Files For Divorce'
JUDGE-SUPP - 'A Can Of Peacher'
KIDS2 file - 'Boy Fixes Coffee For Grandma' - Story/Drawing
......................- 'Boy And Girl Eat Lunch Together'
KIDS4 file - 'Toddler Diet'
KIDS5 file - 'Whyatt Cartoon'
LETTERS2 file- 'Pearls Before Swine Comic Strip'
MANNERS file - 'Fruitcake Lady' - Video
......................- 'Fruitcake Lady II' - Video
MANNERS-SUPP - 'Fruitcake Lady III' - Video
......................- 'Flapjack Flap' - A WARNING
MARRIAGE3 - 'Man Murders His Wife'
MARRIAGE5 - 'The Perfect Breakfast:'
......................- 'Wife Wants Husband To Do Repairs'
MARRIAGE6 - 'The Dangers of Divorcing A Cunning Wife'
......................- 'Husband Names Wife's Favorite Flower'
......................- 'Kitchen Sex'
MARRIAGE-SUPP- 'The Cheating Wife' - Video
MATH4-SUPP - 'Math Prob. - Boys Eating Pizza'
MEXICAN file - 'Two Jews In Mexico'
MONSTERS - 'Cookie Monster, Life Coach' - Video
MOTHERS file - 'Call Me 'Mother''
MOVIES-SUPP2 - 'Meeting Paul Newman'
NATIVES file - 'Some Thoughts On Cannibals'
NUDIST file - 'Women Grows Red Tomatoes'
.........OTH OCCUP - 'Grocery Store Magician'
PATENT file - 'U.S.Patent Office And The Apple'
PEANUT file - 'Bizarro Cartoon'
......................- (see whole file)
PENIS2 file - 'Squeeze The Veg - Cartoon'
......................- 'Cucumber, Pickle, And Penis Talk'
PENIS-SUPP - 'Perrier Commercial'
......................- 'Dickens Cider'
PHONE file - 'Ordering A Pizza By Phone'
PHONE-SUPP - 'Ordering A Pizza By Phone II'
PLANE-SUPP - 'Getting A Bad Potato On A Flight'
POETRY-SUPP - 'Mirror Mirror' - Poem
POLICE file - 'FBI Orders Pizza'
POLICE2 file - 'Dead Man In Bathtub'
POLISH file - 'Mexican, English, And Polack Eat Lunch'
POLIT-BUSH - 'Bush And Sharon Have Dinner'
POLIT-CLINTON- 'Hillary Special'
POLIT-TRUMP - 'Ben & Jerry's Impeachmint Ice Cream' - Photo
POPE file - 'Colonel Sanders Visits The Pope'
PREGNANT file- 'Baby Shower Cake' - Photo
PRIEST1 file - 'Priest Goes Fishing'
PRIESE3 file - 'A Priest Goes To McDonalds'
PSYCHOLOGY - 'Oreo Personality Test'
......................- 'Find The Head Test'
PUSSY file - 'Buying Shoes Without Knickers'
......................- 'Fat Head At The Ice Cream Shop'
REDNECK3 file- 'Redneck Birthday Cake'
......................- 'Irish, Mexican, And Redneck Do
REDNECK-SUPP - 'Redneck Wedding Cake'
RIDDLE file - 'A What Am I Riddle #29'
......................- 'A What Am I Riddle #19'
......................- 'A What Am I Riddle #8'
.........SCIENCE2 file- 'Plastics In Microwave Cooking'
.........SEX1 file - 'Sweet Potato' - Photo
.........SEX2 file - 'Calories Burned By Various Sexual Activities'
SEX3 file - 'Deli Sex'
SHIPS file - 'New Boat Paint'
......................- 'A Titanic Cargo...'
SHORT_JOKES - 'Vitamine Jokes'
SOLDIER-SUPP - 'Busy Radio Operator In Korea'
......................- 'The MRE Date'
SOLDIER-SUPP2- 'The Tootsie Roll Story During The Korean War' - Video
STATISTICS - 'Bread'
TEAR-JERKER3 - 'Breakfast At McDonald's...'
.........THANKSGIVING - 'The Night After Thanksgiving Food'
......................- 'Thanksgiving Day Recipe'
......................- 'Cooking A Thanksgiving Turkey'
.........THANKSGV-SUPP- 'Bacon Wrapped Turkey' - Photo
......................- 'Pregnant Turkey'
THOUGHTS-KIDS- 'Ice Cream-Good For The Soul'
THO-LRN-SUPP - 'Pearls Before Swine' - Comic Strip
THO-SILLY-SUP- 'Deep Throat' - Video
TREE file - 'The Bacon Tree'
WAITER-WATRSS- 'In-N-Out Burger Cult Site'
WAITER-SUPP - 'Le Petit Chef' - Video
......................- 'A Little Boy's Order' - Sign
......................- 'Herman Cartoon'
WORDJOKES2 - 'Potatoes'
WORDJOKE-SUPP- 'Raising Rabbits In Paris'
Subj: The Mysterious Floating Orb (S956)
Created by alyankovic(d-On Site)
From: William Ernfred Berg on Facebook
.Click 'HERE' to see 'Weird Al' Yankovic's Mysterious Floating Orb.
Subj: The Lemonade Stand (S280b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day in 2002
There was a business man driving
down this country road
when he spotted a little boy that had a lemonade stand--
it being hot and him being thirsty-- he decided to stop.
Once he got up to the little boy's stand, he noticed a
sign that said "All you can drink 10 cents", well, he
thought that it was an awful small glass, but since it
was only 10 cents for all you can drink, he decided to
get some anyway.
Well, he gave the boy a dime,
and shot down the whole
glass in one swig. He slapped it back onto the table
and says, "fill 'er up." and the kid says, "sure thing,
that'll be 10 cents."
To this the business man says,
"but your sign says all
you can drink for a dime."
"It is," the little boy replies,
"that's all you can
drink for a dime."
Subj: The Clown and the Colonel (S892d)
Painted by unknown artist
At different locations on the
internet this painting has
been titled The Hunger Games
and The Clown and the Colonel [Fast Food Fan Art].
A dietitian is addressing an
audience in the Shalom
Retirement Home. "The material we put into our stomachs
is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years
ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach
lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can
be dirty and disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-
term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water."
"But there is one thing that
is the most dangerous of all
and most of us have eaten it. Can anyone here tell me what
food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for
years after you eat it?" After several seconds of quiet,
a small 75-year-old Jewish man in the front row, raised
his hand and said, "Vedding Cake?"
Six 'Pea' Photo/Word Puzzles
From: George Takei
..........in 2014 (S892)
George Takei from Star Trek posted
this cute photo of peas on
his Facebook page. 136,009 people liked the photo and 20,161
shared their own 'Pea' photos and comments.
A German tourist walks into a
McDonald's in New York City
and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe,
McDonald's actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the
line behind him immediately gives him the jab: "They don't
serve BEER here, you MORON!" The German fellow felt pretty
stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised
look, and begins to chuckle.
"And what's so funny?!?" the New Yorker demands.
"Oh, nothing really, I just realized
that you came here
for the food."
Subj: Bizarro Cartoon (S1009)
By Dan Piraro in 2016
Pumpkin Pie (S461)
by Jacquie Lawson
in 2005 (d-On Site,SWF)
This very pleasant SWF video
shows you how to make a pumpkin
pie. The background jazz music is "She'll be comin' round
the mountain". You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Eating Fish Heads (S223)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com in 2001
A customer at Green's Gourmet
Grocery marveled at the
proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Green,
what makes you so smart?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with
just anyone," Green replies,
lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But
since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in
on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be
"You sell them here?" the customer asks.
"Only $4 apiece," says Morris.
The customer buys three.
A week later, he's back in the store
complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't
"You didn't eat enough, " says
Green. The customer goes home
with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this
time he's really angry.
"Hey, Green," he says, "You're
selling me fish heads for $4
apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2.
You're ripping me off!"
"You see?" says Morris. "You're smarter already."
The Cake Server (S1109)
By Joseph's Machines
From: Roger Ford
..........in 2018 (d-On Site)
other old Rube Goldberg cartoons
.....and other Rube Goldberg videos click 'HERE'.
to see a Rube Goldberg machine to streamline
dinnertime. It lets me keep eating, with no break before cake.
Subj: Ordering Six McNuggets (S218)
From: RFSlick in 2001
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that
you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half
dozen nuggets", said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't?" I replied.
"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half-dozen
nuggets, but I can order
six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered
Subj: Ice Cream Truck Choices (S1051)
From: Larry Lemas on 2017
God And The Devil Create Food - PPS
From: gheckman in 2002 (S264, S589c)
Drawing from Flickr.com
To view this wonderful, long
story, and PowerPoint Show,
Subj: Dieters Night Before Christmas
From: smiles in 1998
Twas the night before
Christmas and all around my hips
were Fanny May candies that sneaked past my lips.
Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care
in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.
While Mama in her
girdle and I in chin straps
had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.
When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter
Away to the kitchen
I flew like a flash
tore open the icebox then threw up the sash
The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow
sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.
When what to my wandering
eyes should appear:
a marzipan santa with eight chocolate reindeer!
That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick
I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.
The sweet-coated santa,
those sugared reindeer
I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;
On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS
a Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.
From the top of the scales
to the top of the hall
now dash away pounds now dash away all.
Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress
my clothes were all bulging from too much excess
My droll little mouth
and my round little belly
they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly
I spoke not a word but went straight to my work
ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk.
And laying a finger beside
I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned
I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry
if temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by.
And I mumbled again as
I turned in for the night
in the morning I'll starve..'till I take that first bite!
Subj: Eat Bacon Sign (S990)
From: Melissa Weers in 2016
The Muppet Show:
.............The Swedish Chef
From: Roger Ford
..........in 2017 (S1080d-On Site)
to see The Muppet Show: The Swedish Chef
- Living Dough skit in Season Three, Episode 51.
Subj: The Inexperienced Chili Taster (S450b)
From: coreymac in 2001
Notes From An Inexperienced Chili
Taster Named FRANK, who
was visiting Texas from Boston:
Recently I was honored to be
selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last
moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's
table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came.
I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that
the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told
me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.
Here are the scorecards from the event:
Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy
on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me
two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the
worst one. These Texans are crazy.
Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint
of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor needs more peppers to be
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure
what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to
wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich
maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw
the look on my face.
Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse
chili! Great kick. Needs
JUDGE TWO: A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of
FRANK: Call the EPA; I've located a uranium spill. My nose
feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows
the routine by now; get me more beer before I ignite.
Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in
the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced
from all the beer.
Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with
almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish
for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was
unable to taste it, is it possible to burnout taste
buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with
fresh refills; that 300 pound bitch is starting to look
HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating. Is chili
Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili.
Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato.
Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead,
and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four
people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant
seemed offended when I told her that her chili had
given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from
bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher.
I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really pisses
me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
Screw those rednecks!
Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian
variety chili. Good
balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions,
and garlic. Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
gaseous, sulfuric inferno flames. I pooped myself
when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through
the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me
except that slut Sally; she must be kinkier than I
thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe
my butt with a snow cone!
Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with
too much reliance on canned
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum tastes as if the chef literally threw in a
can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should
note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He
appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin,
and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the
sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is
made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with
chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My
pants are full of lava-like poop to match my damn
shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know
what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing,
it's too painful.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending,
this is a nice blend
chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare
Judge # 2 -- This final entry
is a good, balanced chili.
Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of
it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell
over and pulled the chili pot down on top of him-
self. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor
feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot
Judge # 3 - No Report
Dad's Brownies (S245)
From: kmacinty in 2001
Photo from Flickr.com
This joke/story is very cute,
but it is so long that
it needs its own file. Click 'HERE' to read this
heart warming tale.
Subj: Short Cooking Jokes
Can Food Art
..........in 2006 (S469)
NYC Design and Build Canned Goods
and engineers compete to see whose team can build the most
spectacular structure using little more than cans of food.
The exhibit at New York Design Center is open to the public.
At the end of the competition, the 130,000 cans will be
given to the Food Bank of New York City. For more
information, visit www.canstruction.org/
You can view fifteen pictures
by clicking 'HERE'.
Good Morning - Animated GIF (S467b)
From: LABLaughsRiddles in 2005
..........Source: (Removed by lablaughs.com/)
..........in 2005 (S447)
Subj: Riddle - Which Is Not A Berry? (S282b)
From: LABLaughs.com in 2002
Which of the following is NOT
Scroll down for the answer
Strawberry. Since the seeds are
on the outside of the
fleshy part it is not a berry. In fact, it is not even
Subj: Riddle - What Food Is This (S257)
From: my childhood
What food do you,
Peal off the outside,
Cook the inside,
Eat the outside,
And throw away the inside?
Corn on the cob
Subj: Hyena Swallows Oxo Cube (S140)
Did you hear about the hyena that swallowed the Oxo cube
(beef stock cube)? Made a laughing stock of himself!
-- Henry Dermot
Subj: Diet Definition: (S131B)
From: DrRibeiro in 1999
The word 'stressed' makes perfect sense when you realize
it is 'desserts' spelled backwards.
.......Strange Food/Sex Laws
(See 'Strange Sex Laws' in LAWS for more unusual laws)
A law in Alexandria, Minnesota
makes it illegal for a husband
to make love to his wife if his breath smells like garlic,
onions, or sardines.
During lunch breaks in Carlsbad,
New Mexico, no couple should
engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless
their car has curtains.
An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming,
specifically bans couples
from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat
In Baltimore it is illegal to
wash or scrub sinks, no
matter how dirty they get....
From: ossama in 1998 (S352b)
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
From: RFSlick on 1998
A Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen And This Kitchen Is Delirious
No Husband Has Ever Been Shot While Doing The Dishes
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
Blessed are they who can laugh
for they shall never cease to be amused.
A Clean House Is A Sign Of A Misspent Life
Help Keep the Kitchen Clean - Eat Out
Housework Done Properly Can Kill You
Countless Number Of People Have
Eaten In This Kitchen
and Gone On To Lead Normal Lives
My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #190 in 1998
Bumper Sticker - COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage.
From: homeschooling.guide in 1999 (S102)
I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
From: auntieg on 1999 (S103)
"I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up."
From: ossama in 1999 (S113)
Someone hijacked more than $100,000 worth of Girl Scout cookies
in San Jose. No arrests yet, but the suspect is believed to be
4 feet tall, have blue fur and live somewhere on Sesame Street.
From: RFSlick on 1999
Almonds are members of the peach family.
Cranberries are sorted for ripeness
by bouncing them;
a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day in 2001 (S240)
"You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart
in 7-Eleven, okay?" -- Dennis Miller
From: Joke-Of-The-Day in 2001 (S253)
"Ask not what you can do for your country.
Ask what's for lunch." -- Orson Welles
From: dogbyte in 2002 (S262)
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for
four.... Unless there are three other people with me."
-- Orson Welles
From: Joke-Of-The-Day in 2002 (S267c)
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals;
I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
-- A. Whitney Brown
From: FrankRoesch in 2002 (S263)
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
From: LABLaughs.com in 2002 (S279)
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
From: dogbyte in 2002
I didn't fight my way to the top of
the food chain to be a vegetarian!
From: Joke-Of-The-Day in 2002 (S285b)
"It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten.
They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane."
-- Anne (a JOTD subscriber)
"Well Wal-Mart shoppers don't
have a problem here. These
shoppers are challenged to count to twenty. Fortunate for
them their shoes are off and can use their toes..."
-- Chip (another JOTD subscriber)
From: LABLaughs.com in 2002 (S287b)
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must
first create the universe. -- Carl Sagan
.......Food Question And Answers
From: Joke-Of-The-Day in 2002 (S267c)
Q: Name the four seasons
A: Salt, mustard, pepper, vinegar
Q: How does the gingerbread man
make his bed?
A: With cookie sheets. - Gord Goudie
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There's a clock on the oven!
From: RFSlick in 1999 (S117)
Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.
From: jerry in 2001 (S256)
About 100,000 people submitted their favorite jokes as
part of a massive experiment called Laughlab. Here, the
Computer Generated category.
Q: What kind of murderer has fibber?
A: A cereal killer.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day in 2002 (S280b)
Q: What did the hot dog say when he crossed the finish line?
A: "I'm the weiner!"