Subj: Food, Cooking, And Recipe Jokes2
(Includes 50 jokes and articles, 20845,16,cf,md4,12)
Woman Baking from
Don't Gross Out The World (S500d, S836)
by Bill Haduch
From: auntiegah and ginafm on 1/3/2010
Test your travel and food knowledge
with this SWF game. You
can play it at the source above, or on my web site by clicking
This test is a lot of fun.
Rosie got a score of 6 out of 11.
I won't tell you how bad my score was.
Subj: The Dinner Party (S541)
From: jbcary1 on 5/24/2007
A group of country neighbors
wanted to get together on a
regular basis and socialize. As a result, about 10 couples
formed a dinner club and agreed to meet for dinner at a
different neighbors' house each month.
Of course, the lady of the house
was to prepare the meal.
When it came time for Jimmy and Susie Brown to have the
dinner at their house, like most women, Susie wanted to
outdo all the others and prepare a meal that was the best
that any of them had ever lapped a lip over.
A few days before the big event,
Susie got out her cookbook
and decided to have mushroom smothered steak. When she went
to the store to buy some mushrooms, she found the price for
a small can was more than she wanted to pay. She then told
her husband, "We aren't going to have mushrooms because they
are too expensive."
He said, "Why don't you go down
in the pasture and pick some
of those mushrooms? There are plenty of them right in the
She said, "No, I don't want to
do that, because I have heard
that wild mushrooms are poison."
He then said, "I don't think
so. I see the varmints eating
them all the time and it never has affected them."
After thinking about this, Susie
decided to give this a try
and got in the pickup and went down in the pasture and picked
She brought the wild mushrooms
back home and washed them,
sliced and diced them to get them ready to go over her
Then she went out on the back
porch and got Ol' Spot's (the
yard dog) bowl and gave him a double handful. She even put
some bacon grease on them to make them tasty.
Ol' Spot didn't slow down until
he had eaten every bite. All
morning long, Susie watched him and the wild mushrooms didn't
seem to affect him, so she decided to use them.
The meal was a great success,
and Susie even hired a lady from
town to come out and help her serve. She had on a white apron
and a little cap on her head. It was first class all the way.
After everyone had finished,
they all began to kick back and
relax and socialize. The men were visiting and the women
started to gossip a bit.
About this time, the lady from
town came in from the kitchen
and whispered in Susie's ear. She said, "Mrs. Brown, Spot
With this news, Susie went into
hysterics. After she finally
calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had
The doctor said, "It's bad, but
I think we can take care of
it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as
quick as I can get there. We'll give everyone enemas and
we will pump out everyone's stomach. Everything will be
fine. Just keep them all there and keep them calm."
It wasn't long until they could
hear the wail of the siren
as the ambulance was coming down the road. When they got
there, the EMTs got out with their suitcases, syringes, and
a stomach pump. The doctor arrived shortly thereafter. One
by one, they took each person into the master bathroom, gave
them an enema and pumped out their stomach.
After the last one was finished,
the doctor came out and
said, "I think everything will be fine now, and he left."
They were all looking pretty
peaked sitting around the
living room, and about this time, the town lady came in and
said, "You know, that fellow that ran over Ol' Spot never
Subj: The New Supermarket (S500c)
From: LABLaughs.com on 8/14/2006
The new Supermarket near our
house has an automatic water
mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on,
you hear the sound of a thunderstorm and the smell of fresh
When you approach the milk cases,
you hear cows mooing and
witness the scent of fresh butter fat.
When you approach the egg case,
you hear hens cackle and
the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.
.............So far I have been
afraid to go down the
toilet paper aisle.
Subj: Purina Diet (S497, S804)
From: jbcary1 on 7/29/2006
and From: Lu Ann Smith Bragg on Facebook on 6/26/12
I was in Wal-Mart buying a large
bag of Purina for my Labrador
Retriever and was in line to check out. A woman behind me
asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no,
I was starting The Purina Diet
again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in
the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I
awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of
most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially
a perfect diet and that the
way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina
nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry
and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to
try it again.
I have to mention here that practically
everyone in the line
was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy
Horrified, she asked if I'd been
poisoned and was that why I
was in the hospital.
I told her no, I stepped off
a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's
ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the tall guy behind
her was going to have a heart
attack he was laughing so hard.
Subj: How To Prepare Fish (S487b, S688)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 5/20/2006
and From: Anonymous Jr. on 6/4/2010
A little girl was watching her
mother prepare a fish for dinner.
Her mother cut the head and tail off the fish and then placed it
into a baking pan. The little girl asked her mother why she cut
the head and tail off the fish. Her mother thought for a while
and then said, "I've always done it that way - that's how grandma
Not satisfied with the answer,
the little girl went to visit her
grandma to find out why she cut the head and tail off the fish
before baking it.
Grandma thought for a while and
replied, "I don't know. My mother
always did it that way."
So the little girl and the grandma
went to visit great grandma to
find ask if she knew the answer.
Her Great grandma thought for
a while and said, "Because, in my
day, we had only a small kitchen, and my baking pan was too small
to fit in the whole fish".
Subj: Diet Facts (S482c)
From: gordonschuk on 4/2/2006
A diet is a weigh of life.
It's not the minutes spent at
the table that put on weight,
it's the seconds.
It's something most of us do
religiously: We eat what we want
and pray we don't gain weight.
The problem with curbing our
appetites is that most of us do
it at the drive in window of McDonalds.
The most fattening thing you
can put in an ice cream sundae
is a spoon.
The biggest drawback to fasting
for seven days is that
it makes one weak.
Sweets are the destiny that shapes our ends.
Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.
The toughest part of a diet isn't
watching what you eat.
It's watching what other people eat.
Diets are for women who not only
kept their girlish figure
bit doubled it.
A diet is when you have to go
to some length to
change your width.
Many women reduce and reduce,
yet still never manage to
become a bargain.
The best way to lose weight is
by skipping ...
snacks and desert.
Most people gain weight by having
People go to Weight Watchers to learn their lessens.
A diet is the modern-day meal
in which a family counts
its calories instead of its blessings.
A diet is what you go on when
not only can't you fit into
the store's dresses, you can't fit into the dressing room.
One guideline applies to fat
and thin people alike: If you're
thin, don't eat fast. If you're fat, don't eat - FAST.
Above all, dieters are advised
to avoid Pepsi, "the pause
Fries From Jack In The Box (S480d)
From: Toilet Humored Cartoons
You can view this cute claymation
type movie at the source
above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Foods You Can't Eat (S473b)
From: gordonschuk on 2/3/2006
Can't eat Beef, Mad cow....
Can't eat chicken... bird flu!*
Can't eat eggs... Salmonella*
Can't eat pork... fears that bird flu will infect piggies*
Can't eat fish... heavy metals
waters has poisoned their meat.*
Can't eat fruits and veggies...
insecticides and herbicides.*
I believe that leaves Chocolate!!!!!!!!
spelled backwards is
Subj: Chicken At A Chinese Restraurant (S458, S625)
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/4/2005 and 12/31/2008
A couple go for a meal at a Chinese
restaurant and order
the "Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served
in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to
serve herself, the lid of the
pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little
eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.
He hasn't, so she asks him to
look in the pot. He reaches for
it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes
looking around before it slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the
waiter over, explains what
is happening, and demands an explanation.
"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"
The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."
You're going to love this....................SCROLL
Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck"
Subj: Loving Mustard (S440)
From: LabLaughs.com on 7/2/2005
(This is a true story.
If you have children you will probably
relate to this father.)
As ham sandwiches go, it was
perfection: a thick slab of ham
on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive,
light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in
anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked
it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my
"Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old
son) while I get my
sandwich," she said.
I had him balanced between my
left elbow and shoulder and was
reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of
mustard on my fingers.
I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was not mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster.
It was the first and only
time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding.
With a washcloth in each hand,
I did the sort of routine shoe-
shine boys do; only I did it on my tongue.
Later, after she stopped crying
from laughing so hard, my wife
said, "Now you know why they call that fancy mustard . . .
Subj: Lobster Tales, $5 Each (S429)
From:LABLaughsAdult on 3/23/2005
I was down on Fisherman's Pier
in Punta Gorda when I
happened to see a big sign next to the seafood restaurant
that read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each. " Amazed at the
value, I asked the sexy young lady in short short shorts
standin' next to the sign, and asked, "$5 each for lobster
tails . is that correct?" -
"Yes", she said with a big smile,
"It's our special just
"Well", I commented, "they must
be little lobster tails."
"Nope," she replied, blinking an extrordinary set of baby
blues at me "It's thereally a big lobster."
"Are you sure they aren't green
lobster tails - and a little
bit tough, or maybe a bit old ?"
"No mister, it's really big red
lobster.I'm talkin' about
and today only!" she tempted.
""Today's big red lobster tails
- $5 each?", I repeated
"Yes", she insisted.
"Well, here's my five dollars," I said, "Give me one."
She took my money and my hand,
led me over to a table where
she invited me to sit and then sat down next to me, put her
hand on my shoulder, allururingly leaned over close to me
and in sexily whispered, "Once upon a time there was a really
big red lobster ..."
100-Pound Woman Downs Eleven-Pound Burger (S417)
From: agrief on 1/19/2005
You can read and view this amazing
story at the source above, or on
my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: How To Fry Eggs (S403b)
From: DafterLafter on 6/28/2004
A wife was making a breakfast
of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL!
Put in some more butter! Oh
my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn
them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh
my GOD! WHERE are we going to get
MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful...CAREFUL! I said
be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to
me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are
you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them.
You know you always forget to
salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE
The wife stared at him.
"What in the world is wrong with
you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I
wanted to show you what it
feels like when I'm driving."
How To BBQ (S397b, S689b)
From: Imogenelumen on 9/3/2004
and From: darrellvip on 3/30/2010
Click 'HERE' to learn how to do a "Manly Barbecue."
Subj: The Bachelor Diet (S389)
From: Anonymous Jr on July 5,2004
Breakfast - Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some
toothpaste while brushing your teeth. Lunch - Send your
secretary out for six "gutbombers" - those little hamburgers
that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also
order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have
her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of Maalox.
Afternoon Snack - Drink the Maalox. Dinner - Six pack of beer
and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece Dinner, don't eat the
Breakfast - Eat the coleslaw. Lunch - Go to the office vending
machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push
a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to
prevent nausea. Dinner - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria
at El Flasho's.
Breakfast - Stomach couldn't handle breakfast after a night at
El Flasho's. Lunch - Rolaids and a coke. Dinner - Drop in at
a married friends house and beg for scraps.
Breakfast - Order out for pizza. Lunch - Your secretary is
out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers. Dinner
- Go to a bar. Ask the bartender for extra olives.
Breakfast - Eggs, sausage and an English muffin at McDonalds.
Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better
and it's better for you. Lunch - Skip Lunch, Fridays are
murder. Dinner - Steak, well-done, baked potato and asparagus.
Don't eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus.
Breakfast - Sleep through it. Lunch - Ditto. Dinner - Steak,
well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Don't eat the
Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging
Breakfast - Three Bloody Mary's and a Twinkie. Lunch - Eat
Lunch? And waste a good buzz? Dinner - Chicken noodle soup.
Call home and ask about renting our old room.
Subj: Drunk Tells Woman She Is Single (S333, S586)
From: woneye on 6/14/2003
and From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/9/2008
A woman was shopping at her local
supermarket where she
selected a quart of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of
orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of
coffee and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading
her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind her watched as she placed the items in
front of the cashier.
He said, "You must be single."
The woman, a bit startled but
intrigued by the derelict's
intuition, looked at her six items on the belt. Seeing
nothing particularly unusual about her selections she said,
"Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how
on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."
"Cat In The Kettle" By Aaron Wilburn
From: rfslick on 10/16/2007 (S561c,d)
Photo from YouTube
This is a live performance of
the "Chinese Food Song". You
can see it at the source, or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
Chinese Food Song (S531c,d)
You can view this short musical
movie at the source above,
or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Water Or Coke? (S316b, S530b)
From: auntiegah on 2/18/2003
and From: darrell94590 on 3/19/2007
This is really an eye opener....
Water or Coke? We all know
that water is important but I've never seen it written down
like this before.
1. 75% of Americans are chronically
2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak
that it is often mistaken for hunger.
3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism
as much as 3%.
4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for
almost 100% of the dieters studied in a U-Washington study.
5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water
a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up
to 80% of sufferers.
7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term
memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing
on the computer screen or on a printed page.
8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of
colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast
cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop
1. In many states (in the USA)
the highway patrol carries
two gallons of Coke in the truck to remove blood from
the highway after a car accident.
2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and
it will be gone in two days.
3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the
toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour,
then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes
stains from vitreous china.
4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the
bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum
foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a
can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the
6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in
Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the
baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake.
Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the
foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for
a sumptuous brown gravy.
8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into
a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through
a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease
stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.
FOR YOUR INFO
1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH
is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days.
Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a
major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis.
2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial
trucks must use the Hazardous material place cards
reserved for Highly Corrosive materials.
3. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the
engines of their trucks for about 20 years!
Now the question is, would you like a glass of Water or Coke?
Subj: Ordering A Coke (S310b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/8/2003
I've always ordered beverages
one simple way: "A Coke,
Lately, though, this hasn't seemed
to work. Waitresses
now often respond, "I'm sorry, we don't have Coke. We
have Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, Mr. Pibb."
Tired of listening to the long
list of soft drinks, I
thought I'd make life easier. So one day I simply asked
the snack bar clerk at a movie theater for a "dark,
The young man behind the counter
chuckled and asked,
"Sir, would you like a cylindrical plastic sucking
device with that?"
Subj: Food And Heart Attacks (S301, S591b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 10/31/2002
and From: tom on 5/13/2008
The Japanese eat very little
fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.
The French eat a lot of fat and
also suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little
red wine and suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive
amounts of red wine and also
suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Germans drink a lot of beers
and eat lots of sausages
and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Subj: Bread Shopping Tips (S289b)
From: mombear1 on 8/12/2002
When you go to buy bread in the
grocery store, have you ever
wondered which is the freshest, so you "squeeze" for freshness
Did you know that bread is delivered
fresh to the stores five
days a week?
Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday
and Saturday. Each day has a
different color twist tie. They are:
Monday - Blue
Tuesday - Green
Thursday - Red
Friday - White
Saturday - Yellow
So if today was Thursday, you
would want red twist tie - not
white which is Friday's (almost a week old)!
The colors go alphabetically
by color Blue - Green - Red -
White - Yellow. Monday through Saturday. Very easy to
I thought this was interesting.
I looked in the grocery store
and sure enough the bread wrappers DO have different twist
ties, and even the ones with the plastic clips have different
We learn something new everyday!!!
Enjoy fresh bread when
you buy bread with the right color on the day you are shopping.
Pass this information on to friends so they also can be informed.
--- Ava Hildreth
This smells like an Urban Legend.
I went to
and searched the internet to the extent of my abilities. My
wife says that the ones with twisties do come in different
colors, but that some have square plastic ties with dates on
them. I still doubt that all bread compaies are this uniform.
Subj: RIDDLE - What Food Is This#2?
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/30/2003
A time when they’re green, a
time when they’re brown,
But both of these times, cause me to frown.
But just in between, for a very short while,
They’re perfect and yellow, and cause me to smile!
What am I talking about here?
Scroll down for the answer
Here it comes
Subj: More Short Food Jokes
How To Peel Hard Boiled Eggs
on 5/9/2007 (S538b,d)
Subj: Betty Botter's Bitter Butter (S405b)
From: DafterLafter on 10/23/2004
Betty Botter had some butter,
"But," she said, "this butter's bitter.
If I bake this bitter butter,
it would make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter--
that would make my batter better."
So she bought a bit of butter,
better than her bitter butter,
and she baked it in her batter,
and the batter was not bitter.
So 'twas better Betty Botter
bought a bit of better butter.
Airport Cookies (S535b in Plane-Supp)
Subj: Achieving Inner Peace (S295b)
From: Cypriot on 9/27/2002
Someone sent me an article that said the way to achieve inner
peace is to finish things you've started. It is definitely
working for me. I am now making a point of always finishing
what I start, and I think I am well on my way toward finding
Because I care for you, I am passing this wisdom on to you.
Here are the things that I have
- two bags of potato chips,
- a strawberry cheesecake,
- a package of Oreo's,
- a bottle of wine,
- and a small box of chocolates.
I think this really works because I feel better already!!!
Banana .... Not Just A Fruit (S532b, S796)
From: gordonschuk on 3/26/2007
and From: tom on 4/16/2012
Subj: Who Should Brew The Coffee? (S343b)
From: DoctorDebt on 8/26/2003
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should
brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do
it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait
as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in
charge of the cooking around
here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I
can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No you should
do it, and besides it is in the
Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and
opened the New Testament and
shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says...
Interesting Drinking Cups (S528b)
Subj: Viagra Soft Drink (S356b)
From: woneye on 11/21/2003
Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be
available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi
Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour
himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call
this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names
of "cocktails," "highballs" and just a good old fashioned
"stiff-drink." Pepsi will market the new concoction by
the name of: MOUNT ? DO
Lemon Breast Chicken - Great Recipe (S513c)
Subj: Gracie Allen's Classic Recipe for Roast Beef (S516b)
From: edapsmas on 12/3/2006
1 large Roast of beef
1 small Roast of beef
Take the two roasts and put them in the oven.
When the little one burns, the
big one is done.........:)
When Life Hands You Lemons (S501d)
on 8/28/2006 (in Movies)
Subj: Potato Prostitutes (S461b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/22/2005
Two little potatoes are standing on the street corner. One
is a prostitute. How can you tell which one is the
You're gonna love it...
It's the one with the little
sticker that says...
I - DA - HO
Fruit Carving (S448)
Subj: Ice Cream Knock Knock Jokes
From: LABLaughs.com on 5/18/2003
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
Ice cream soda!
Ice cream soda who?
ICE CREAM SODA PEOPLE CAN HEAR ME...
Ice cream who?
Ice cream of Jeannie!
Cooking Sign (S446b)
Subj: Pizza-Pedia (S390b)
From: igiggle on 7/16/2004
The world's first encyclopedia of pizza!
Chinese Watermelon Art (S442b-Chinese)
From: LABLaughs.com on 12/4/2002 (S305b)
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot
appear to them except in the form of bread.
-- Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 12/19/2002 (S308b)
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat
what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
-- Mark Twain
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/18/2004
(S409b - love)
"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite
like unrequited love." Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000),
Charlie Brown in "Peanuts"
From: dogbyte on 1/14/2003 (S311)
"Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze"
-- Hellman's Mayonnaise
From: KMACINTY on 1/17/2003 (S311)
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
From: FrankRoesch on 2/20/2003 (S316b)
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get
to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/8/2003 (S322)
Now that food has replaced sex in my life,
I can't even get into my own pants.
From: igiggle on 1/6/2004 (S363b)
A teaspoon holds 120 drops of water.
From: Sonny at Bridge Club on 11/23/04
Show me a man who hates cats,
And I'll show you a man who can't cook.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 7/13/2006
"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four
essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat."
-- Alex Levine
Never eat more than you can lift.
-- Miss Piggy (in Quotes1)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 3/4/2007 (S528b)
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is
tea, please bring me some coffee." -- Abraham Lincoln
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/5/2005 (S414b)
Q: What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
A: Nacho Cheese.
Q: What's The Difference Between
Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
A: Anyone Can Roast Beef.
.............................Smiley eats a burger from Smiley_Central.