Subj: Food, Cooking, And Recipe Jokes2 (Gz-m2)
(Includes 50 jokes and articles)
Click "Here" for Food_etc-Supp
Woman Baking from
Millanimations
| >>>
Subj: Food, Cooking, And Recipe Jokes2 (Gz-m2) (Includes 50 jokes and articles) Click "Here" for Food_etc-Supp |
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Woman Baking from Millanimations |
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Subj:
Don't Gross Out The World (S500)
by Bill Haduch From: auntiegah on 8/16/2006 |
Test your travel and food knowledge
with this SWG game. You
can play it at the source above,
or on my web site by clicking
'HERE'.
This test is a lot of fun.
Rosie got a score of 6 out of 11.
I won't tell you how bad my
score was.
\\\//
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Subj: The
Dinner Party (S541)
From: jbcary1 on 5/24/2007
A group of country neighbors
wanted to get together on a
regular basis and socialize.
As a result, about 10 couples
formed a dinner club and agreed
to meet for dinner at a
different neighbors' house each
month.
Of course, the lady of the house
was to prepare the meal.
When it came time for Jimmy
and Susie Brown to have the
dinner at their house, like
most women, Susie wanted to
outdo all the others and prepare
a meal that was the best
that any of them had ever lapped
a lip over.
A few days before the big event,
Susie got out her cookbook
and decided to have mushroom
smothered steak. When she went
to the store to buy some mushrooms,
she found the price for
a small can was more than she
wanted to pay. She then told
her husband, "We aren't going
to have mushrooms because they
are too expensive."
He said, "Why don't you go down
in the pasture and pick some
of those mushrooms? There
are plenty of them right in the
creek bed."
She said, "No, I don't want to
do that, because I have heard
that wild mushrooms are poison."
He then said, "I don't think
so. I see the varmints eating
them all the time and it never
has affected them."
After thinking about this, Susie
decided to give this a try
and got in the pickup and went
down in the pasture and picked
some.
She brought the wild mushrooms
back home and washed them,
sliced and diced them to get
them ready to go over her
smothered steak.
Then she went out on the back
porch and got Ol' Spot's (the
yard dog) bowl and gave him
a double handful. She even put
some bacon grease on them to
make them tasty.
Ol' Spot didn't slow down until
he had eaten every bite. All
morning long, Susie watched
him and the wild mushrooms didn't
seem to affect him, so she decided
to use them.
The meal was a great success,
and Susie even hired a lady from
town to come out and help her
serve. She had on a white apron
and a little cap on her head.
It was first class all the way.
After everyone had finished,
they all began to kick back and
relax and socialize. The
men were visiting and the women
started to gossip a bit.
About this time, the lady from
town came in from the kitchen
and whispered in Susie's ear.
She said, "Mrs. Brown, Spot
just died."
With this news, Susie went into
hysterics. After she finally
calmed down, she called the
doctor and told him what had
happened.
The doctor said, "It's bad, but
I think we can take care of
it. I will call for an
ambulance and I will be there as
quick as I can get there.
We'll give everyone enemas and
we will pump out everyone's
stomach. Everything will be
fine. Just keep them all there
and keep them calm."
It wasn't long until they could
hear the wail of the siren
as the ambulance was coming
down the road. When they got
there, the EMTs got out with
their suitcases, syringes, and
a stomach pump. The doctor
arrived shortly thereafter. One
by one, they took each person
into the master bathroom, gave
them an enema and pumped out
their stomach.
After the last one was finished,
the doctor came out and
said, "I think everything will
be fine now, and he left."
They were all looking pretty
peaked sitting around the
living room, and about this
time, the town lady came in and
said, "You know, that fellow
that ran over Ol' Spot never
even stopped!
\\\//
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Subj: The
New Supermarket (S500c)
From: LABLaughs.com on 8/14/2006
The new Supermarket near our
house has an automatic water
mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on,
you hear the sound of a thunderstorm
and the smell of fresh
rain.
When you approach the milk cases,
you hear cows mooing and
witness the scent of fresh butter
fat.
When you approach the egg case,
you hear hens cackle and
the air is filled with the pleasing
aroma of eggs frying.
.............So far I have been
afraid to go down the
toilet paper aisle.
\\\//
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Subj: Purina
Diet (S497)
From: jbcary1 on 7/29/2006
I was in Wal-Mart buying a large
bag of Purina for my Labrador
Retriever and was in line to
check out. A woman behind me
asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no,
I was starting The Purina Diet
again, although I probably shouldn't
because I'd ended up in
the hospital last time, but
that I'd lost 50 pounds before I
awakened in an intensive care
ward with tubes coming out of
most of my orifices and IVs
in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially
a perfect diet and that the
way that it works is to load
your pants pockets with Purina
nuggets and simply eat one or
two every time you feel hungry
and that the food is nutritionally
complete so I was going to
try it again.
I have to mention here that practically
everyone in the line
was by now enthralled with my
story, particularly a tall guy
behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd been
poisoned and was that why I
was in the hospital.
I said no... I'd been sitting
in the street licking my balls
and a car hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going
to have to be carried out
the door.
\\\//
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Subj: How
To Prepare Fish (S487b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 5/20/2006
A little girl was watching her
mother prepare a fish for dinner.
Her mother cut the head and
tail off the fish and then placed it
into a baking pan. The
little girl asked her mother why she cut
the head and tail off the fish.
Her mother thought for a while
and then said, "I've always
done it that way - that's how grandma
did it."
Not satisfied with the answer,
the little girl went to visit her
grandma to find out why she
cut the head and tail off the fish
before baking it.
Grandma thought for a while and
replied, "I don't know. My mother
always did it that way."
So the little girl and the grandma
went to visit great grandma to
find ask if she knew the answer.
Her Great grandma thought for
a while and said, "Because, in my
day, we had only a small kitchen,
and my baking pan was too small
to fit in the whole fish".
\\\//
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Subj: Diet
Facts (S482c)
From: gordonschuk on 4/2/2006
A diet is a weigh of life.
It's not the minutes spent at
the table that put on weight,
it's the seconds.
It's something most of us do
religiously: We eat what we want
and pray we don't gain weight.
The problem with curbing our
appetites is that most of us do
it at the drive in window of
McDonalds.
The most fattening thing you
can put in an ice cream sundae
is a spoon.
The biggest drawback to fasting
for seven days is that
it makes one weak.
Sweets are the destiny that shapes our ends.
Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.
The toughest part of a diet isn't
watching what you eat.
It's watching what other people
eat.
Diets are for women who not only
kept their girlish figure
bit doubled it.
A diet is when you have to go
to some length to
change your width.
Many women reduce and reduce,
yet still never manage to
become a bargain.
The best way to lose weight is
by skipping ...
snacks and desert.
Most people gain weight by having
intimate dinners
for two...alone.
People go to Weight Watchers to learn their lessens.
A diet is the modern-day meal
in which a family counts
its calories instead of its
blessings.
A diet is what you go on when
not only can't you fit into
the store's dresses, you can't
fit into the dressing room.
One guideline applies to fat
and thin people alike: If you're
thin, don't eat fast. If you're
fat, don't eat - FAST.
Above all, dieters are advised
to avoid Pepsi, "the pause
that refleshes."
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| Subj:
Fries From Jack In The Box (S480)
From: Toilet Humored Cartoons on 3/30/2006 |
 |
You can view this cute claymation
type movie at the source
above, or on my web site by
clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: Foods
You Can't Eat (S473b)
From: gordonschuk on 2/3/2006
Can't eat Beef, Mad cow....
*
*
*
*
Can't eat chicken... bird flu!*
*
*
*
*
Can't eat eggs... Salmonella*
*
*
*
*
Can't eat pork... fears that bird flu will infect piggies*
*
*
*
*
Can't eat fish... heavy metals
in the
waters has poisoned
their meat.*
*
*
*
*
Can't eat fruits and veggies...
insecticides and
herbicides.*
*
*
*
*
Hmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
I believe that leaves Chocolate!!!!!!!!
Remember...
"STRESSED"
spelled backwards is
"DESSERTS"
\\\//
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Subj: Chicken
At A Chinese Restraurant (S458)
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/4/2005
A couple go for a meal at a Chinese
restaurant and order
the "Chicken Surprise". The
waiter brings the meal, served
in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to
serve herself, the lid of the
pot rises slightly and she briefly
sees two beady little
eyes looking around before the
lid slams back down.
"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.
He hasn't, so she asks him to
look in the pot. He reaches for
it and again the lid rises,
and he sees two little eyes
looking around before it slams
down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the
waiter over, explains what
is happening, and demands an
explanation.
"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"
The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."
You're going to love this....................SCROLL
DOWN
Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck"
\\\//
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Subj: Loving
Mustard (S440)
From: LabLaughs.com on 7/2/2005
Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_jokes.php?id=20050627
(This is a true story.
If you have children you will probably
relate to this father.)
As ham sandwiches go, it was
perfection: a thick slab of ham
on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce
and plenty of expensive,
light brown, gourmet mustard.
The corners of my jaw aching in
anticipation, I carried it to
the table in our backyard, picked
it up with both hands but was
stopped by my wife suddenly at my
side.
"Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old
son) while I get my
sandwich," she said.
I had him balanced between my
left elbow and shoulder and was
reaching again for the ham sandwich
when I noticed a streak of
mustard on my fingers.
I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was not mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster.
It was the first and only
time I have sprinted with my
tongue protruding.
With a washcloth in each hand,
I did the sort of routine shoe-
shine boys do; only I did it
on my tongue.
Later, after she stopped crying
from laughing so hard, my wife
said, "Now you know why they
call that fancy mustard . . .
"Poupon."
\\\//
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Subj: Lobster
Tales, $5 Each (S429)
From:LABLaughsAdult on 3/23/2005
I was down on Fisherman's Pier
in Punta Gorda when I
happened to see a big sign next
to the seafood restaurant
that read, "Big Lobster Tales,
$5 each. " Amazed at the
value, I asked the sexy young
lady in short short shorts
standin' next to the sign, and
asked, "$5 each for lobster
tails . is that correct?" -
"Yes", she said with a big smile,
"It's our special just
for today."
"Well", I commented, "they must
be little lobster tails."
"Nope," she replied, blinking
an extrordinary set of baby
blues at me "It's thereally
a big lobster."
"Are you sure they aren't green
lobster tails - and a little
bit tough, or maybe a bit old
?"
"No mister, it's really big red
lobster.I'm talkin' about
and today only!" she tempted.
""Today's big red lobster tails
- $5 each?", I repeated
hungrily..
"Yes", she insisted.
"Well, here's my five dollars," I said, "Give me one."
She took my money and my hand,
led me over to a table where
she invited me to sit and then
sat down next to me, put her
hand on my shoulder, allururingly
leaned over close to me
and in sexily whispered, "Once
upon a time there was a really
big red lobster ..."
\\\//
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 |
Subj:
100-Pound Woman Downs Eleven-Pound Burger (S417)
From: agrief on 1/19/2005 At: http://apnews.excite.com/article/20050115/D87K7NQG0.html |
You can read and view this amazing
story at the source above, or on
my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: How
To Fry Eggs (S403b)
From: DafterLafter on 6/28/2004
A wife was making a breakfast
of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst
into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL!
Put in some more butter! Oh
my GOD! You're cooking
too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn
them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh
my GOD! WHERE are we going to get
MORE BUTTER? They're going to
STICK!
Careful...CAREFUL! I said
be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to
me when you're cooking!
Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are
you CRAZY? Have you LOST
your mind?
Don't forget to salt them.
You know you always forget to
salt them. Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE
SALT!!!"
The wife stared at him.
"What in the world is wrong with
you? You think I don't
know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I
wanted to show you what it
feels like when I'm driving."
\\\//
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Subj: How
To BBQ (S397b, S541)
From: Imogenelumen on 9/3/2004
and
From: SCOTCOB on 5/26/2007
It's the only type of cooking
a real man will do. When
a man volunteers to do
the BBQ the following chain of
events are put into motion:
1) The woman goes to the shops.
2) The woman makes the salad, vegetables and dessert.
3) The woman prepares the meat
for cooking, places it
on a tray
along with the necessary cooking utensils
and sauces
and takes it to the man, who is lounging
beside the
BBQ, beer in hand.
4) The man places the meat on the BBQ.
5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
6) The woman comes out to tell
the man that the meat is
burning.
He thanks her and asks if she will bring
another beer
whilst he deals with the situation.
7) The man takes the meat off
the BBQ and
hands it
to the woman.
8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
9) After eating, the woman clears
the table
and does
the dishes.
10) Everyone praises the man
and thanks him
for his cooking
efforts.
11) The man asks the woman how
she enjoyed "her night off" and,
upon seeing
her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's
just no pleasing
some women.
\\\//
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Subj: The
Bachelor Diet (S389)
From: Anonymous Jr on July 5,2004
Monday
Breakfast - Who can eat Breakfast
on a Monday? Swallow some
toothpaste while brushing your
teeth. Lunch - Send your
secretary out for six "gutbombers"
- those little hamburgers
that used to cost a dime but
now cost sixty five cents. Also
order French fries, a bowl of
chili, a soft drink and have
her stop on the way back for
a family size bottle of Maalox.
Afternoon Snack - Drink the
Maalox. Dinner - Six pack of beer
and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece
Dinner, don't eat the
coleslaw.
Tuesday
Breakfast - Eat the coleslaw.
Lunch - Go to the office vending
machine and put ninety five
cents in and close your eyes, push
a button and eat whatever comes
out swallowing it whole to
prevent nausea. Dinner - Four
tacos and a pitcher of Sangria
at El Flasho's.
Wednesday
Breakfast - Stomach couldn't
handle breakfast after a night at
El Flasho's. Lunch - Rolaids
and a coke. Dinner - Drop in at
a married friends house and
beg for scraps.
Thursday
Breakfast - Order out for pizza.
Lunch - Your secretary is
out sick, check Mondays gutbomber
sack for leftovers. Dinner
- Go to a bar. Ask the bartender
for extra olives.
Friday
Breakfast - Eggs, sausage and
an English muffin at McDonalds.
Eat the Styrofoam plate and
leave the food. It tastes better
and it's better for you.
Lunch - Skip Lunch, Fridays are
murder. Dinner - Steak,
well-done, baked potato and asparagus.
Don't eat the asparagus, nobody
really likes asparagus.
Saturday
Breakfast - Sleep through it.
Lunch - Ditto. Dinner - Steak,
well done, baked potato, and
brussel sprouts. Don't eat the
Brussel Sprouts. Take
them home and plant them in a hanging
basket.
Sunday
Breakfast - Three Bloody Mary's
and a Twinkie. Lunch - Eat
Lunch? And waste a good
buzz? Dinner - Chicken noodle soup.
Call home and ask about renting
our old room.
\\\//
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Subj: Drunk
Tells Woman She Is Single (S333, S586)
From: woneye on 6/14/2003
and
From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/9/2008
A woman was shopping at her local
supermarket where she
selected a quart of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs, a quart of
orange juice, a head of romaine
lettuce, a 2 lb. can of
coffee and a 1 lb. package of
bacon. As she was unloading
her items on the conveyor belt
to check out, a drunk
standing behind her watched
as she placed the items in
front of the cashier.
He said, "You must be single."
The woman, a bit startled but
intrigued by the derelict's
intuition, looked at her six
items on the belt. Seeing
nothing particularly unusual
about her selections she said,
"Well, you know what, you're
absolutely correct. But how
on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."
\\\//
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Subj: RIDDLE
- What Food Is This#2?
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/30/2003
A time when they’re green, a
time when they’re brown,
But both of these times, cause
me to frown.
But just in between, for a very
short while,
They’re perfect and yellow,
and cause me to smile!
What am I talking about here?
x
x
x
x
x
Scroll down for the answer
x
x
x
x
x
Here it comes
x
x
x
x
x
ANSWER
Bananas!
\\\//
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| Subj:
Chinese Food Song (S531c)
From: gordonschuk on 3/22/2007 |
 |
You can view this short musical
movie at the source above,
or on my web site by clicking
'HERE'.
\\\//
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 |
Subj:
"Cat In The Kettle" By Aaron Wilburn (S561c)
From: rfslick on 10/16/2007 Photo from YouTube |
This is a live performance of
the "Chinese Food Song". You
can see it at the source above,
or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: Water
Or Coke? (S316b, S530b)
From: auntiegah on 2/18/2003
and
From: darrell94590 on 3/19/2007
This is really an eye opener....
Water or Coke? We all know
that water is important but
I've never seen it written down
like this before.
WATER
1. 75% of Americans are chronically
dehydrated.
2. In 37% of Americans, the
thirst mechanism is so weak
that it is often
mistaken for hunger.
3. Even MILD dehydration will
slow down one's metabolism
as much as 3%.
4. One glass of water will shut
down midnight hunger pangs for
almost 100% of
the dieters studied in a U-Washington study.
5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger
of daytime fatigue.
6. Preliminary research indicates
that 8-10 glasses of water
a day could significantly
ease back and joint pain for up
to 80% of sufferers.
7. A mere 2% drop in body water
can trigger fuzzy short-term
memory, trouble
with basic math, and difficulty focusing
on the computer
screen or on a printed page.
8. Drinking 5 glasses of water
daily decreases the risk of
colon cancer by
45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast
cancer by 79%,
and one is 50% less likely to develop
bladder cancer.
COKE
1. In many states (in the USA)
the highway patrol carries
two gallons of
Coke in the truck to remove blood from
the highway after
a car accident.
2. You can put a T-bone steak
in a bowl of coke and
it will be gone
in two days.
3. To clean a toilet: Pour a
can of Coca-Cola into the
toilet bowl and
let the "real thing" sit for one hour,
then flush clean.
The citric acid in Coke removes
stains from vitreous
china.
4. To remove rust spots from
chrome car bumpers: Rub the
bumper with a rumpled-up
piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum
foil dipped in
Coca-Cola.
5. To clean corrosion from car
battery terminals: Pour a
can of Coca-Cola
over the terminals to bubble away the
corrosion.
6. To loosen a rusted bolt:
Applying a cloth soaked in
Coca-Cola to the
rusted bolt for several minutes.
7. To bake a moist ham: Empty
a can of Coca-Cola into the
baking pan, wrap
the ham in aluminum foil, and bake.
Thirty minutes
before the ham is finished, remove the
foil, allowing
the drippings to mix with the Coke for
a sumptuous brown
gravy.
8. To remove grease from clothes:
Empty a can of coke into
a load of greasy
clothes, add detergent, and run through
a regular cycle.
The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease
stains. It will
also clean road haze from your windshield.
FOR YOUR INFO
1. The active ingredient in
Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH
is 2.8. It
will dissolve a nail in about 4 days.
Phosphoric acid
also leaches calcium from bones and is a
major contributor
to the rising increase in osteoporosis.
2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup
(the concentrate) the commercial
trucks must use
the Hazardous material place cards
reserved for Highly
Corrosive materials.
3. The distributors of coke
have been using it to clean the
engines of their
trucks for about 20 years!
Now the question is, would you like a glass of Water or Coke?
\\\//
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Subj: Ordering
A Coke (S310b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/8/2003
I've always ordered beverages
one simple way: "A Coke,
please."
Lately, though, this hasn't seemed
to work. Waitresses
now often respond, "I'm sorry,
we don't have Coke. We
have Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Dr.
Pepper, Mr. Pibb."
Tired of listening to the long
list of soft drinks, I
thought I'd make life easier.
So one day I simply asked
the snack bar clerk at a movie
theater for a "dark,
carbonated beverage."
The young man behind the counter
chuckled and asked,
"Sir, would you like a cylindrical
plastic sucking
device with that?"
\\\//
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Subj: Food
And Heart Attacks (S301, S591b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 10/31/2002
and
From: tom on 5/13/2008
The Japanese eat very little
fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or
Americans.
The French eat a lot of fat and
also suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or
Americans.
The Japanese drink very little
red wine and suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British
or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive
amounts of red wine and also
suffer fewer heart attacks than
the British or Americans.
The Germans drink a lot of beers
and eat lots of sausages
and fats and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British
or Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently
what kills you.
\\\//
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Subj: Bread
Shopping Tips (S289b)
From: mombear1 on 8/12/2002
When you go to buy bread in the
grocery store, have you ever
wondered which is the freshest,
so you "squeeze" for freshness
or softness?
Did you know that bread is delivered
fresh to the stores five
days a week?
Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday
and Saturday. Each day has a
different color twist tie.
They are:
Monday - Blue
Tuesday - Green
Thursday - Red
Friday - White
Saturday - Yellow
So if today was Thursday, you
would want red twist tie - not
white which is Friday's (almost
a week old)!
The colors go alphabetically
by color Blue - Green - Red -
White - Yellow. Monday
through Saturday. Very easy to
remember.
I thought this was interesting.
I looked in the grocery store
and sure enough the bread wrappers
DO have different twist
ties, and even the ones with
the plastic clips have different
colors.
We learn something new everyday!!!
Enjoy fresh bread when
you buy bread with the right
color on the day you are shopping.
Pass this information on to friends so they also can be informed.
--- Ava Hildreth
--- ava1950@earthlink.net
This smells like an Urban Legend.
I went to
http://hoaxbusters.ciac.org
and searched the internet to
the extent of my abilities. My
wife says that the ones with
twisties do come in different
colors, but that some have square
plastic ties with dates on
them. I still doubt that
all bread compaies are this uniform.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
Subj: More
Short Food Jokes
 |
Subj:
How To Peel Hard Boiled Eggs (S538b)
From: darrell94590 on 5/9/2007 |
| Subj:
Airport Cookies (S535b in Plane-Supp)
From: darrell94590 on 4/17/2007 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Banana .... Not Just A Fruit (S532b)
From: gordonschuk on 3/26/2007 Banana picture from CES.NCSU.edu |
| Subj:
Interesting Drinking Cups (S528b)
From: jokes on 3/1/2007 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Lemon Breast Chicken - Great Recipe (S513c)
From: darrell94590 on 11/21/2006 |
Top
Subj: Gracie
Allen's Classic Recipe for Roast Beef (S516b)
From: edapsmas on 12/3/2006
1 large Roast of beef
1 small Roast of beef
Take the two roasts and put them in the oven.
When the little one burns, the
big one is done.........:)
| Subj:
When Life Hands You Lemons... (S501)
From: jbcary1 on 8/28/2006 (in Movies) |
 |
 |
Subj:
Indigestion (S496c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 7/26/2006 |
Top
Subj: Potato
Prostitutes (S461b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/22/2005
Two little potatoes are standing
on the street corner. One
is a prostitute. How can
you tell which one is the
prostitute?
Hold on......
You're gonna love it...
It's the one with the little
sticker that says...
I - DA - HO
| Subj:
Fruit Carving (S448)
From: LABLaughsClean on 8/26/2005 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Cooking Sign (S446b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 8/2/2005 |
| Subj:
Chinese Watermelon Art (S442b-Chinese)
From: darrell94590 on 7/10/2005 |
 |
Top
Subj: Betty
Botter's Bitter Butter (S405b)
From: DafterLafter on 10/23/2004
Betty Botter had some butter,
"But," she said, "this butter's
bitter.
If I bake this bitter butter,
it would make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter--
that would make my batter better."
So she bought a bit of butter,
better than her bitter butter,
and she baked it in her batter,
and the batter was not bitter.
So 'twas better Betty Botter
bought a bit of better butter.
Top
Subj: Pizza-Pedia
(S390b)
From: igiggle on 7/16/2004
The world's first encyclopedia
of pizza!
- http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Flats/5353/pizza/
Top
Subj: Viagra
Soft Drink (S356b)
From: woneye on 11/21/2003
Pfizer Corp. announced today
that VIAGRA will soon be
available in liquid form and
will be marketed by Pepsi
Cola as a power beverage suitable
for use as a mixer.
It will now be possible for
a man to literally pour
himself a stiff one. Obviously
we can no longer call
this a soft drink, and it gives
new meaning to the names
of "cocktails," "highballs"
and just a good old fashioned
"stiff-drink." Pepsi will
market the new concoction by
the name of: MOUNT ? DO
Top
Subj: Who
Should Brew The Coffee? (S343b)
From: DoctorDebt on 8/26/2003
A man and his wife were having
an argument about who should
brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do
it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait
as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in
charge of the cooking around
here and you should do it, because
that is your job, and I
can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No you should
do it, and besides it is in the
Bible that the man should do
the coffee."
Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and
opened the New Testament and
shows him at the top of several
pages, that it indeed says...
"HEBREWS"
Top
Subj: Ice
Cream Knock Knock Jokes
From: LABLaughs.com on 5/18/2003
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in
the cold, cold water!
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Ice cream soda!
Ice cream soda who?
ICE CREAM SODA PEOPLE CAN HEAR
ME...
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream of Jeannie!
Top
Subj: Achieving
Inner Peace (S295b)
From: Cypriot on 9/27/2002
Someone sent me an article that
said the way to achieve inner
peace is to finish things you've
started. It is definitely
working for me. I am now
making a point of always finishing
what I start, and I think I
am well on my way toward finding
inner peace.
Because I care for you, I am passing this wisdom on to you.
Here are the things that I have
finished today:
- two bags of potato
chips,
- a strawberry cheesecake,
- a package of Oreo's,
- a bottle of wine,
- and a small box of
chocolates.
I think this really works because
I feel better already!!!
From: LABLaughs.com on 12/4/2002 (S305b)
There are people in the world
so hungry, that God cannot
appear to them except in the
form of bread.
-- Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 12/19/2002
(S308b)
Part of the secret of success
in life is to eat
what you like and let the food
fight it out inside.
-- Mark Twain
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/18/2004
(S409b - love)
"Nothing takes the taste out
of peanut butter quite
like unrequited love." Charles
M. Schulz (1922 - 2000),
Charlie Brown in "Peanuts"
From: dogbyte on 1/14/2003 (S311)
"Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze"
-- Hellman's Mayonnaise
From: KMACINTY on 1/17/2003 (S311)
When a clock is hungry it goes
back four seconds.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
From: FrankRoesch on 2/20/2003 (S316b)
I read recipes the same way
I read science fiction. I get
to the end and think, "Well,
that's not going to happen."
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/8/2003 (S322)
Now that food has replaced sex
in my life,
I can't even get into my own
pants.
From: igiggle on 1/6/2004 (S363b)
A teaspoon holds 120 drops of
water.
From: Sonny at Bridge Club on 11/23/04
(S409b)
Show me a man who hates cats,
And I'll show you a man who
can't cook.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 7/13/2006
(S494b)
"Only Irish coffee provides
in a single glass all four
essential food groups: alcohol,
caffeine, sugar and fat."
-- Alex Levine
Never eat more than you can lift.
-- Miss Piggy (in Quotes1)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on
3/4/2007 (S528b)
"If this is coffee, please bring
me some tea; but if this is
tea, please bring me some coffee."
-- Abraham Lincoln
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/5/2005 (S414b)
Q: What Do You Call Cheese That
Isn't Yours?
A: Nacho Cheese.
Q: What's The Difference Between
Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
A: Anyone Can Roast Beef.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
 |
Smiley eats a burger from
Smiley_Central |
