>>> Subj:     Jokes About Table Games (Gz)                  (Includes 79 jokes and articles)           Click "Here" for Game-Supp           Click "Here" for Game2

Rubex Cube from AGAG Animation Gallery

Also see BANKING-SUPP - 'Piggy Bank - Game'
         BLONDE1 file - 'Blonde In Vegas'
         BRAINTEASERS - 'The History Of Crossword Puzzles'
         BREASTS file - 'The Vissor Slut Machine'
         COMPUTER-SUPP- 'The Floys'
         DOG3 file    - 'Simon Says - Movie'
         DRINKING_BR2 - 'The Beer Quiz'
         DWARFS file  - 'Two Dwarfs In Las Vegas'
         ELDERLY3 file- 'Games For When We Are Older'
         FACTS2 file  - 'Exploding Heads From Intense Use'
         FROG file    - 'Golfer And Talking Frog'
         HOOKER file  - 'Union Man Goes To A Brothel'
         JOB-STUFF-SUP- 'The Meeting Minder (or Bullshit Bingo)'
         KIDS4 file   - 'The History of Toys'
......................- 'Crayon Color Quiz'
         PROGRAMMER   - 'Programmer ? Engineer Bet On Train'
         REDNECK3 file- 'The Redneck Game'
         RIDDLE file  - 'A What Am I Riddle #9'
         RIDDLE-SUPP  - 'A What Am I Riddle #38'
         WOMEN1 file  - 'Georgeous Woman At Roulette Table'
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Subj:     Wife Plays Cards Once A Month (S307b)
          From: JokesUncut on 12/21/2002

 A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of
 friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband
 when she came home around 11:30.

 One night she decided to try not to rouse him.  She undressed
 in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the
 bedroom - only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.

 "Dammit woman!" he exclaimed.  "Did you lose everything?"

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Ben Franklin On Chess (S256b)
          From: the BIG BOOK BUNCH
      and From: JOELFALLON on 12/22/2001

 Benjamin Franklin: ON THE MORALS OF CHESS 12/2/97
 USE BY COMMERCIAL ORGANIZATIONS OR SALE ARE PROHIBITED

 He was a devotee of the game, seeing it as a model of
 diplomacy.  In writing 'Morals' he must have remembered
 his games in London with Lord Howe's sister.

 The game of Chess is not merely an idle amusement.  Several
 very valuable qualities of the mind, useful in the course
 of human life, are to be acquired or strengthened by it, so
 as to become habits, ready on all occasions.

 1. Foresight, which looks a little into futurity, and
 considers the consequences that may attend an action; for
 it is continually occuring to the player, 'If I move this
 piece, what will be the advantages or disadvantages of my
 new situation?  What use can my adversary make of it to
 annoy me?  What other moves can I make to support it, and
 to defend myself from his attacks?

 2. Circumspection, which surveys the whole chessboard, or
 scene of action; the relations of the several pieces and
 situations, the dangers they are respectively exposed to,
 the several possibilities of their aiding each other, the
 probabilities that the adversary may make this or that
 move, and attack this or the other piece, and what different
 means can be used to avoid his stroke, or turn its conse-
 quences against him.

 3. Caution, not to make our moves too hastily.  This habit
 is best acquired, by observing strictly the laws of the
 game; such as, If you touch a piece, you must move it
 somewhere; if you set it down, you must let it stand. And
 it is therefore best that these rules should be observed,
 as the game becomes thereby more the image of human life,
 and particularly of war . . .

 And lastly, we learn by Chess the habit of not being
 discouraged by present appearances in the state of our
 affairs, the habit of hoping for a favourable change, and
 that of persevering in the search of resources.  The game
 is so full of events, there is such a variety of turns in
 it, the fortune of it is so subject to sudden vicissitudes,
 and one so frequently, after long contemplation, discovers
 the means of extricating one's self from a supposed
 insurmountable difficulty, that one is encouraged to
 continue the contest to the last, in hopes of victory from
 our own skill, or at least of getting a stalemate from the
 negligence of our adversary . . .

 If your adversary is long in playing, you ought not to
 hurry him, or express any uneasiness at his delay.  You
 should not sing, nor whistle, nor look at your watch, not
 take up a book to read, nor make a tapping with your feet
 on the floor, or with your fingers on the table, nor do
 anything that may disturb his attention.  For all these
 things displease; and they do not show your skill in
 playing, but your craftiness or your rudeness.

 You ought not to endeavour to amuse and deceive your
 adversary, by pretending to have made bad moves, and
 saying that you have now lost the game, in order to make
 him secure and careless, and inattentive to your schemes:
 for this is fraud and deceit, not skill in the game.

 You must not, when you have gained a victory, use any
 triumphing or insulting expression, nor show too much
 pleasure; but endeavour to console your adversary, and
 make him less dissatisfied with himself, by every kind
 of civil expression that may be used with truth, such as
 'you understand the game better than I, but you are a
 little inattentive;' or, 'you play too fast;' or, 'you
 had the best of the game, but something happened to divert
 your thoughts, and that turned it in my favour.'

 If you are a spectator while others play, observe the most
 perfect silence.  For, if you give advice, you offend both
 parties, him against whom you give it, because it may
 cause the loss of his game, him in whose favour you give
 it, because, though it be good, and he follows it, he
 loses the pleasure he might have had, if you had permitted
 him to think until it had occurred to himself.  Even after
 a move or moves, you must not, by replacing the pieces,
 show how they might have been placed better; for that
 displeases, and may occasion disputes and doubts about
 their true situation.  All talking to the players lessens
 or diverts their attention, and is therefore unpleasing.

 Lastly, if the game is not to be played rigorously,
 according to the rules above mentioned, then moderate your
 desire of victory over your adversary, and be pleased with
 one over yourself. Snatch not eagerly at every advantage
 offered by his unskilfulness or inattention; but point out
 to him kindly, that by such a move he places or leaves a
 piece in danger and unsupported; that by another he will
 put his king in a perilous situation, etc.  By this
 generous civility (so opposite to the unfairness above
 forbidden) you may, indeed, happen to lose the game to
 your opponent; but you will win what is better, his esteem,
 his respect, and his affection, together with the silent
 approbation and goodwill of impartial spectators.

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Uncle Fred's Gambit In Chess (S248b)
          by Jon R. Edwards
          From: Chess Is Fun on 10/31/01
          At: http://www.princeton.edu/~jedwards/cif/intro.html

 My Uncle Fred taught me how to play chess in 1958.  I was
 nearly five and Fred enjoyed winning.  From all I can
 gather, I was the only one he could beat.  We played nearly
 every weekend.  Uncle Fred would give me queen odds, then
 rook odds, then knight odds, until finally, when I turned
 nine or so, we started playing even up.

 It was around that time, early 1963 according to my post-a-
 log, that Uncle Fred moved off to California, and at his
 suggestion, we started playing through the mail.  The game
 started as an Evans Gambit, with me as white.  It was
 really the only opening that we knew, or should I say, that
 Uncle Fred knew, since he was the one who taught it to me.
 As my mother predicted, Fred was not the best correspondent,
 and so a game meant to proceed quickly started to bog down,
 until we finally agreed to continue it with only a single
 move per year at my June birthday and at Christmas.

 And so there it was, every year through my adolescence,
 Fred's move tied to the Christmas tree.  As went the
 position, so came the toys and games. I discovered rather
 quickly that when Fred thought that his position was fine,
 my younger brother and I would receive the most wonderful
 presents from Uncle Fred.  But a tough move in June brought
 relatively little in December.

 Under this kind of intense pressure, especially the constant
 begging of my brother, I began to throw the game.  Well,
 perhaps throw is too strong a word, but I certainly pulled
 my punches.  My fourteenth move was a real lemon, passing
 up clear material equality.  That Christmas, my brother and
 I received really nice 10-speed bicycles.

 Needless to say, by the time I entered college, right
 around the 20th move, my position was nearly in shambles.
 By then of course, I had become a much stronger player,
 rated nearly 1600, while Uncle Fred, ever the patzer,
 remained around 1100.  And Christmas was no longer so much
 the big deal, in spite of Uncle Fred's nice sweaters.  I
 also started to tire of being ribbed by Uncle Fred at our
 occasional family gatherings that even a weak player like
 him could take on the big guys, given enough time to think.
 So I applied myself to the game with some new vigor and a
 new-found sense of ethical pride.  As I said, the position
 was pretty desperate, but there were still some subtleties,
 and a college freshman had to be true to himself and the
 position.

 That was 1971. For the next ten years or so, the Christmas
 gifts were meager indeed as Uncle Fred's position slowly
 deteriorated.  I distinctly remember that in 1977, he sent
 underwear.  The next year, I received a paperback copy of
 the Egyptian Book of the Dead, and the year after that a
 cassette of Tiny Tim's favorite hits.

 By the time I finished Graduate School in 1983, Uncle
 Fred's position had become utterly hopeless.  His pieces
 had lost any semblance of communication, his pawns, though
 well enough defended, were scattered and weak, and his
 isolated king seemed to beg for the white pieces to attack.
 After rather lengthy analysis, I found a remarkably clear
 resource, with checkmate inevitably to follow, and prepared
 to send it off some months hence.  In late May just before
 my birthday, Auntie Helen informed the family that Uncle
 Fred had taken ill.  A rare disease, she said, with no
 known cure.  Fred would live, she assured us, but bed-
 ridden and without his usual stamina and cheer.

 I'm not sure what came over me.  Call it pity, regret, a
 sense of family obligation and love, but I simply couldn't
 send the move I had planned.  So I took another long look
 at the position and found an awful, though plausible
 enough looking move that pretty much restored equality in
 the game.  Soon thereafter, Uncle Fred recovered remarkably
 and returned to his job.  His move came in an envelope with
 a handsome Christmas check capable of paying off a nice
 chunk of my educational debt.

 I hate to admit it, but the whole incident made a
 significant impression upon me.  It occurred to me that
 Uncle Fred's entire life was caught up in this game, and
 that I really didn't have the right to hurt him.  Apart
 from that, there were obvious financial rewards.  I was
 broke, still in some debt, in need of a job, and hardly in
 control of my life.  It made good sense to keep my Uncle
 happy.

 I remember the next few years more for the enormous changes
 in my life than the game with Uncle Fred.  I got married,
 moved to California, got a nice job, in part thanks to a
 good contact from my uncle, and Fred also put me on to some
 simply excellent investments.  In just five years, it was a
 rather classic rags to riches story.  Nice home, two kids,
 and a job that barely taxes my schedule.

 As for the game with Fred, I resigned last year.  There was
 really no point in continuing it.  Fred's position was
 simply overwhelming.  It was just one strong move after
 another.  It just goes to show that a weak player can play
 really well given enough time to think.  This past
 Christmas, Fred surprised me with a new Porsche!

 I still play chess every now and again, mostly these days
 with my young nephew.  I started by offering the kid queen
 odds.  He now plays pretty well with just the advantage of
 a knight.  Nice kid too.  It's really too bad that my
 brother will soon be moving back east.  Hopefully, my
 nephew and I will be able to keep playing through the mail!

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Bob Played Chess By Mail (S247b)
          by Jon Edwards
          From: Chess Is Fun on 10/26/01
          At: http://www.princeton.edu/~jedwards/cif/intro.html

 Bob lived for the mail. Every day at lunch time, he would
 leave his office, cross the street to the Post Office, and
 open box 275 in search of postcards.  For years, he played
 chess through the mail, and every day, he received at least
 two cards, sometimes as many as ten.

 During his lunch hour... always at the same small cafe...
 he'd order soup and a sandwich and take out a small, heavily
 worn leather pocket chess set.  While eating, he'd set up
 each game in turn.  In between bites of the sandwich and
 spoonfuls of soup, he'd review the position and the new move,
 and mull about the analysis he would undertake that evening.
 Life was good.

 Bob was aware that many of his opponents were far more
 serious about the game.  He was quite content to play mostly
 for the fun of it.  At the end of the work day, after a
 quick meal, he'd set up the position, stare at the board for
 a few minutes, and perhaps move the pieces around a bit.
 Occasionally, he'd consult one of the ten or so chess books
 on his bookshelf.  After ten minutes or so, and never more
 than hour, he'd fill out his reply and file away his
 opponents cards, one by one.

 He most enjoyed the short conversations on each card,
 wherever they might lead.  Winning was fun, but friendship
 was more important.  Literature, sports, the weather...
 whatever.  He remembered many games more for the lively
 talk than the moves or the result.

 Spring brings changes.  For Bob it meant some new sections
 and, for the first time, an entry in the Golden Queens, a
 preliminary section with six opponents.  He knew that the
 players who entered these sections were more serious about
 winning, but at least that would mean that they'd be more
 likely to reply on time.  There was just nothing worse
 than an interesting discussion interrupted by a tardy
 opponent.

 In the three new games with white, Bob sent off his
 standard first card.  In addition to his usual 1.P-K4, he
 introduced himself:

 "Greetings and a pleasure to meet you via postal chess.
  My name is Bob Sawyer.  I'm 44, a bank clerk here for the
 past twelve years.  Unmarried, but very fond of good talk.
 Any special interests?"

 Three days later, he received his first card from the
 section, from a George Martin.  Bob was somewhat
 disappointed to see nothing on the card but the move, and
 at that in the rather unfeeling algebraic notation that
 Bob tried hard to avoid.  Still, he did find the move
 somewhat intriguing: 1.b4.  Throughout the years, nearly
 all of his opponents had opened by moving the pawn in
 front of either the king or queen, and only rarely P-QB4
 or N-KB3.

 He'd never had to play against P-QN4, and he really had
 no idea what to do.  He thought about it all through his
 soup and sandwich, and even at work for more than hour.

 By the time he got home and finished his supper, Bob felt
 unusually tired.  He took a few minutes to look quickly
 through his chess books, but there was simply nothing
 there on this strange first move.  He thought about
 filling out a reply, almost any reply, and he might well
 have done so had there been an interesting conversation
 to start.  But since his laconic opponent had offered
 nothing but the move, Bob decided to sleep on it.

 It was a most wonderful dream.  A comfortable chair, soft
 lighting, surrounded by many hundreds, perhaps even
 thousands of books.  Rows and rows of books.  And a book
 in his hand... a chess book.  There was the title, at
 the top of every page: 1.P-QN4?  The book, opened to the
 first page... with a diagram and the key move 1...N-KB3!
 in bold type.

 Bob woke with a smile.  If only the dream had been real.
 How wonderful to have a library with just the right book.
 He started his morning routine, a quick shower, cereal,
 coffee.  But he kept returning to the dream.  Amusing, he
 thought.  It was just a dream, but N-KB3 seems like just
 the right idea.  At the breakfast table, he filled out the
 reply, including his usual introductory comments, and
 headed off to work.

 All morning long, Bob felt consumed by the dream.  He
 rarely ever remembered his dreams, let alone one so vivid
 and appropriate to real life.  And the room, the library,
 had been so satisfying, so comforting.  So many beautiful,
 old books.

 Lunch time arrived more quickly than usual.  He collected
 three cards at the Post Office and headed off to the cafe.
 Two new opponents, both playing 1.P-Q4, and an older game
 against Taylor that was now reaching a critical juncture.
 In between soup and the sandwich, Bob set up the position
 on his pocket set.  Bob tried a few different moves for
 white and then shook his ahead. "precisely the kind of
 position I mess up," he thought to himself. "Looks like I
 need to play 34.Q-R4."

 And there he might have stopped, filled out the card and
 mailed it.  But he thought yet again about his dream and,
 on instinct, he decided to wait a day and sleep on it.

 He felt unusually tired again that evening and, immediately
 after dinner, lay down on the sofa.  Within minutes, he was
 sound asleep.

 Again, he found himself in the darkly paneled chess library.
 In front of him, a polished ivory chess set on an inlaid
 board.  Across the room were two older gentleman.  They
 were speaking in another language. Russian perhaps.  In
 his hand this time was a new book with the title: My Game
 with Taylor.  He opened the book to the middle and there he
 immediately saw : "34.QxKB6!! wins by force."

 Bob awoke with a start, immediately set up the board and,
 sure enough, 34.QxKB6 was simply breathtaking.  A marvelous
 queen sacrifice that led to checkmate in every line.

 And so it went.  Day after day, year by year.  One sock-
 dollager after another, all from his dreams. Sometimes
 he'd have a book in his hand.  Other times, the two
 visitors in his dream would analyze the position for him
 and recommend a move.

 It was now ten years since the dreams had started, and Bob
 had perfected the routine.  He'd take each card in turn,
 stare at the position for just a few minutes.  Soon, even
 a catnap was enough to conjure up the dream and the right
 move.  Today, he received the cards from one remaining
 opponent in the US championship, and even Bob knew that
 the game was well in hand.  Only a few more moves and Bob
 Sawyer, the bank clerk patzer, would reign as the US
 champion.  With confidence, he stared at the position for
 a few moments and went to sleep.

 The same comfortable chair, soft lighting, and thousands
 upon thousands of books.  And a book in his hand... a
 chess book with a picture of Bob on the cover.  There was
 the title: The Collected Games of Bob Sawyer.  He opened
 the book to the last page... "Sawyer was perhaps the most
 creative correspondence player in American history, Sawyer
 was known not only as a fine player, unbeaten in his final
 ten years of play, but also as a steadfast correspondent,
 never passing up an opportunity to discuss the weather,
 sports, or any other subject of the day.  The great unful-
 filled tragedy of his life was that, at the very moment of
 his greatest success, victory in the US championship, he
 died in his sleep.

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Feeding Husband Cat Food (S239b, S443)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 8/28/2001 and 7/15/2005

 A woman is enjoying a good game of bridge with her girl-
 friends one evening. "Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix
 dinner for my husband!  He's going to really be angry if
 it's not ready on time."

 When she gets home, she realizes she doesn't have enough
 time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the
 cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of
 cat food.  In a panic, she opens the can of cat food,
 stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf
 just as her husband is pulling up.

 She greets her husband and then watches in horror as he
 sits down to his dinner.  To her surprise, the husband is
 really enjoying his dinner.  "Darling, this is the best
 dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage.
 You can make this for me any old day."  Needless to say,
 every bridge night from then on, the woman made her
 husband the same dish.

 She told her bridge cronies about it and they were all
 horrified. "You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed.

 Two months later her husband died.  The women were sitting
 around the card table playing bridge when one of the
 cronies said, "You killed him!  We told you that feeding
 him that cat food every week would do him in!  How can you
 just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you
 murdered your husband?"

 The wife calmly replied, "I didn't kill him.  He fell off
 the mantel while he was licking himself."

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Poetic Riddle About Fighting (S239)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 8/26/2001

30 men with ladies two
gathered for a festive do
dressed quite formal, black and white
yet movement turned to nasty fight.

what's going on?
x
x
x
x
x
Scroll down for the answer
x
x
x
x
x
Here it comes
x
x
x
x
x

Answer:

A CHESS match!!!!!

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Nude Craps (S227)
          From: gheckman on 6/1/2001
          (See 'Georgeous Woman At Roulette Table' in WOMEN1)

 Two bored Casino Dealers were waiting for potential gamblers
 to sit down at their Craps Table.  A very attractive blonde
 lady comes over and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on
 a single roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind,
 but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

 With that she strips naked from her neck down, and rolls the
 dice while yelling...

 "Mama needs new clothes!"

 After the roll she hollers...

 "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"

 Then she begins jumping up and down and hugging each of and
 squeezing the dealers.  With that she quickly picks up her
 money and her clothes and quickly leaves.  The dealers just
 stare at each other all excited and dumbfounded.  Finally
 one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?" The other
 answers.... "I thought YOU were watching!"

 Moral of the Story:
 Not All Blondes are Dumb.

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Dropping Dead In A Poker Game (S179)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 7/5/00

 Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single
 hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.  Showing
 respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete
 their playing time standing up.  Roberts looks around and asks,
 "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"

 They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the
 short one.  They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't
 make a bad situation any worse than it is.  "Gentlemen!
 Discreet?  I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet.
 Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me."

 Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door,
 the wife answers, asks what he wants.  Rippington says, "Your
 husband just lost $500 playing cards."

 She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"

 Rippington says, "I'll tell him."

                           \\\//
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Subj:     African Roulette (S461b)
          From: ipkis on 97-06-01
      and From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/18/2005

 The new American ambassador was being entertained by an
 African diplomat.  They'd spent the day discussing what the
 country had received from the Russians before the new
 government kicked them out.  "The Russians built us a power
 plant, a highway, and an airport.  Plus we learned to drink
 vodka and play Russian roulette."

 The American frowned.  "Russian roulette's not a very nice
 game."

 The diplomat smiled. "That's why we developed African
 roulette.  If you want to have good relations with our
 country, you'll have to play.  I'll show you how."

 He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later six magnificently
 built, nude women were ushered in.

 "You can choose any one of those women to give you oral
 sex," he told the American.  "That's great," the ambassador
 said. "That doesn't seem much like Russian roulette."

 "Oh, it is. One of them is a cannibal."

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Voice Tells Man To Go To Vegas (S49)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #220 on 98-01-03

 A guy gets home from work one night and hears a voice.  The
 voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your
 money, go to Vegas."  The man is disturbed at what he hears
 and ignores the voice.

 The next day when he gets home from work, the same thing
 happens.  The voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your
 house, take your money, go to Vegas."  Again the man ignores
 the voice, though he is very troubled by the event.

 Every day, day after day, the man hears the same voice when
 he gets home from work, "Quit your job, sell your house,
 take your money, go to Vegas."  Each time the man hears the
 voice he becomes increasingly upset.

 Finally, after two weeks, he succumbs to the pressure.  He
 does quit his job, sells his house, takes his money and
 heads to Vegas.  The moment the man gets off the plane in
 Vegas, the voice tells him, "Go to Harrah's."

 So he hops in a cab and rushes over to Harrah's.  As soon
 as he sets foot in the casino, the voice tells him, "Go to
 the roulette table." The man does as he is told.

 When he gets to the roulette table, the voice tells him,
 "Put all your money on 17."  Nervously, the man cashes in
 his money for chips and then puts them all on 17.  The
 dealer wishes the man good luck and spins the roulette
 wheel.

 Around and around the ball caroms.  The man anxiously
 watches the ball as it slowly loses speed until finally
 it settles into number . . . 21.

 The voice says, "Shit..."

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Telling Dirty Jokes At A Bridge Club
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 8/22/00
          (SEE 'Sexist Professor' in COLLEGE1 file)

 JoAnn was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six
 children and a large house.  The only relief JoAnn got from
 her chores was the twice-a-week bridge game she shared with
 a dozen other women.  The only flaw in the bridge club
 relationship was that JoAnn loved to tell off-color stories
 and the girls didn't want to hear them.

 To teach JoAnn a lesson, the other women decided that the
 next time she told an off-color story, they'd just get up,
 walk out, and meet at another home but without her.

 Sure enough, at the next bridge club meeting, JoAnn started,
 "You know, girls, there's a rumor going around that a busload
 of prostitutes will be leaving in the morning for that big
 gold find up in Alaska, and they say..."  Just then, the
 women all stood up and started for the door.

 JoAnn was disconcerted, but only for a moment. Then she
 understood what was going on and said, "Hey! Girls! Hold on,
 hold on! There's plenty of time because the bus doesn't leave
 until morning!"

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj:     Sees Something Under The Card Table (S110, S448b)
          From: FrankRoesc on 99-03-07
      and From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/24/2005
          (See 'Chris Pays $100 To See Nora's Breasts' in BREAST file)

 Two couples were playing cards.  John accidentally dropped
 some cards on the floor.  When he bent down under the table
 to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife was not wearing
 any underwear!  Shocked by this, John hit his head on the
 table and emerged red-faced.

 Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.
 Bill's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything
 that you liked under there?"

 John admitted that, well, yes he did.  She said "You can
 have it, but it will cost you $100."  After a minute or two,
 John indicates that he is interested.

 She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and
 John doesn't, John should come to her house around 2:00 PM
 on Friday.

 Friday came and John went to her house at 2:00 PM.  After
 paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex, and
 then John left.

 Bill came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, "Did John
 come by this afternoon?"  Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes,
 he did stop by for a few minutes."

 Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $100?"

 She thinks  'Oh hell, he knows!'  Finally she says, "Yes,
 he gave me $100."

 "Good," Bill says.  "John came by the office this morning
 and borrowed $100 from me and said he'd stop by our house
 on his way home and pay me back."

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj:     Tommy Catches His Parents Playing Bridge (S133)

 Feeling bored, little Tommy wanders into his parent bedroom,
 and catches them 'on the job'.  "What are you doing mother"
 he asks.

 "I'm playing Bridge" his mother answers, "your father is my
 partner".

 With this Tommy leaves and goes into the living room. In there
 he finds his sister and sisters boyfriend, pete, going at it
 like rabbits on the sofa.  "What are you doing" again he asks.

 "I'm playing Bridge, Petes my partner" she answers.

 Still feeling bored Tommy wanders up to the garden shed. In
 the shed Tommy finds his grandad having a wank.  "What are
 you grandad" he asks.

 "I'm playing Bridge" replys his grandad.

 "Where's your partner" asks Tommy, to which his grandad replys

 "Son when you've got a fucking good hand you don't need a
 partner."

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj:     LA Times Bridge Column (DU)
          Paraphrased from LA Times bridge column on 9-12-82

 Have you ever wondered what the first game ever played was?

 Some people think it was tennis, because early in the Bible,
 it says that, "Joseph served in Pharoah's court."

 Others think it was baseball, since in Genesis it says, "In
 the big inning.."

 There seems to be no doubt what the last game ever played
 will be - bridge, since at the end of the world..."Gabriel
 will play the last trump"

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
Subj:     Short Game Jokes

Top

Subj:     The Adventure Game (S389b)           From: Play.VG on 7/10/04

 At: http://www.play.vg/games/86-Adventure.html
 This is a true classic, the first text adventure game, also
 known as "Colossal Cave".  Type in commands to do things,
 such as "GO EAST" or "EAT FOOD".  Click on "Colossal Cave"
 to play.
 

Top

Subj:     18 Infocom Text Adventure Games (S389)           From: igiggle on 7/8/2004           At: http://www.xs4all.nl/~pot/infocom/

 Click on the Infocom text adventure game you wish to play
 and get ready for the challenge and fun of battling against
 a witty computer program.  After beating Zork I in six
 weeks (three hours a day), I bought my first computer so
 that I could play Zork II.

      Zork I: The Great Underground Empire
      Zork II: The Wizard of Frobozz
      Zork III: The Dungeon Master
      Zork: The Undiscovered Underground
      Enchanter
      Seastalker
      Sorcerer
      Spellbreaker
      Wishbringer
      Starcross
      Suspended
      Planetfall
      The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
      Stationfall
      Deadline
      The Witness
      Leather Goddesses of Phobos
      The Lurking Horror
 

Top

Subj:     Paintball (S388b)           From:Miniclip on June 20,2004  At: http://www.miniclip.com/paintball.htm

 Take your paintball gun to the office and shoot happy faces.
 You can play it at the source above, or click 'HERE' for
 the file version.
 

Top

Subj:     Western (S388)           From:Miniclip on June 20,2004           At: http://www.miniclip.com/western.htm

 This is the old arcade game, take your gun and shoot the
 bad guys.  You can play it at the source above, or click
 'HERE' for the file version.
 

Top

Subj:     Tetris (S387)           From:Ezines$All.com on June 19,2004  At: http://www.ezines4all.com/

 This is that classic game invented in Russia by Alexey Pajitnov.
 You can play it at the source above,  or click 'HERE' for
 the file version.
 

Top

Subj:     CubeBuster (S387)           From: mrx on 6/16/2004           At: http://www.ezines4all.com/games/cubebuster/index.htm

 Like Crashdown last week, CubeBuster is the opposite of Tetris.
 You can play it at the source above, or click 'HERE' for the
 file version.
 

Top

Subj:     Crashdown (S386b)           From: mrx on 6/16/2004  At: www.ezines4all.com/games/crashdown/index.htm

 Cute game which is sort of the opposite of Tetris.  You can
 play it at the source above, or click 'HERE'.

Top

Subj:     Bunch Game (S386b)           From: MiniClip.com on June 16,2004           At: www.MiniClip.com

 Fun arcade game.  View tutorial before playing.
 You can play it on the site above, or click 'HERE' for
 the file version.

Top

Subj:     Mili?Tary HG Game (S385)           From: Classic '80s Games on June 5,2004  At: www.80smusiclyrics.com/games.html

 Fun, cute game.  Click the left mouse button to play.
 You can play it on the site above, or click 'HERE' for
 the file version.
 

Top

Subj:     Mili?Tary Snow Game (S385b)           From: Classic '80s Games on June 5,2004           At: http://www.80smusiclyrics.com/games.html

 Fun, cute game.  Click the left mouse button to play.
 You can play it on the site above, or click 'HERE' for
 the file version.
 

Top

Subj:     Frogger (S378b)           From: mrx on 4/28/2004  OK version on the internet.  Use the four

 arrow keys to move. You can find it on the web at
 http://www.ezines4all.com/games/frogger.html
 or clich 'HERE' to play the file version.
 

Top

Subj:     Duckhunt (S384b)           From: Classic '80s Games           At: http://www.80smusiclyrics.com/games.html

 Duckhunt is a lot of fun.  It uses the mouse and takes
 a little practice.  You can plat it at the source above,
 or clich 'HERE' to play the file version.

 In putting Duckhunt on my web site I had to test the
 game.  When I started I couldn't hit a duck.  By the
 end I walked away from the game still playing with a
 score of 1,000,300 in 63 levels.  Practice makes perfect.
 

Top

Subj:     Pacman (S384)           From: Classic '80s Games  At: http://www.80smusiclyrics.com/games.html

 This is an excellent version of Pacman.  Use the four
 arrow keys to move. You can play it at the source above,
 or clich 'HERE' to play the file version.
 

Top

Subj:     Space Invaders (S383b)           From: LABLaughs.com on 6/1/2004           At: www.ezines4all.com/games/spaceinvaders.html

 I had forgotten how much fun this game was.  Going to
 this web site is a great trip down nostalga lane.
 Press 'Space' to shoot, left/right arrows to move,
 and 'P' to pause the game.  You can play the game
 at the source above or  or clich 'HERE' to play
 the file version.
 

Top
Subj:     Nemo Aqua Energizer... (S382)
          From: mrx on 5/25/2004
 Cute logic type game.  It is very addictive.
 http://www.ezines4all.com/games/aqua
 

Top
Subj:     Presidential Knock-Out (S382)
          From: MiniClip.com
 You play either Bush or Kerry and box the other candidate.
 A fun cute game at - http://www.miniclip.com/knockout.htm

Top
Subj:     Guess Master (S382b)
          From: igiggle on 5/26/2004
 You choose a person, object, animal, TV show, or movie
 and the program will ask you a series of yes/no questions.
 Then it will tell you your choice.  This is an artificial
 intelligence program that learnes from its mistakes.
 http://www.guessmaster.com/
 

Top
Subj:     Maze Puzzles (S381b)
          From: igiggle on 5/12/2004
 Adrian Fisher's favourite maze puzzles.
 If you are a gamester, these are great fun
 http://www.mazepuzzle.com/
 

Top

Subj:     Fishy... (S381b)           From: mrx on 5/19/2004  At: http://www.ezines4all.com/games/fishy.htm

 Cute silly internet game.  You can play it at the
 source above, or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     The Puzzler (S378)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 2/27/2004
 Try to get every square black, tricky but possible...
 will probably cause most Americans to have a stroke though.
 http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/puzzler.htm
 

Top
Subj:     Switch a Roo (S378b)
          From: igiggle on 4/23/2004
 Cute online game.  Took me a while to figure it out.
 http://ww14.freearcade.com/Switcharoo.jav/SwitchARoo.html
 

Top
Subj:     Bottom Of The Sea (S373)
          From: igiggle on 3/6/2004
 Very relaxed sort of game, but that doesn't mean it's easy.
 http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g3/sea.htm
 

Top

Subj:     Push Pull (S372)           From: igiggle on 3/6/2004  At: www.lilgames.com/pushpull.shtml

 This is a fun, challenging logic game.  You can play
 it at the source above, or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Click-The-Dot Game (S372b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 3/12/2004
 Thirty second test of your mouse coordination
 http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/dotclick.htm
 

Top
Subj:     Internet Teddy Bears (S363b)
          From: igiggle on 1/6/2004
 Move your mouse over the bears and watch the fun.
 Teddy Bears - http://www.nobodyhere.com/toren.hier
 

Top
Subj:     Battleships On Line (already sent)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 2/7/2003
 To play Battleships against the computer, go to
 http://www.ezines4all.com/games/battleships/battleships.htm
 

Top
Subj:     The Pariah Chess Club (S309b)
          From: tadams96 on 12/31/2002
 Joel has worked for over two years to bring chess and its
 ambience to Benicia.  He has started a Friday night chess
 club which gets kind of lonely sometimes.  Maybe this
 article about another small chess club will bring a smile
 to Joel and other chess players faces.
 http://www.jewishworldreview.com/cols/krauthammer1.asp

Top
Subj:     Michael Jackson Baby Dropping Game (S307b)
          From: coreymac on 12/19/2002
 The load time is about one minute at 56K
 http://www.kicken.com/funnyfiles/WackoJacko.swf
 Looks a lot like Kaboom from 20 years ago.
 

Top
Subj:     BJ roulette
 You take your pick of six native girls for a blow job,
 but one is  a cannibal.
 

Top
Subj:     Jay Leno Quote (S93)
          From: Tom_Adams on 98-11-11
 Theres a new group at [unknown] high school, and to be a
 member, you have to be a virgin, and promise to stay a
 virgin.  This isn't anything new.  They had a group like
 this when I went to high school.  It was called the Chess
 Club.  --  Jay Leno

 Very funny, Jay.  Very funny.  Thanks a lot.
 

Top
Subj:     Doctor Called For Poker Game (S204)
..........From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 12/15/2000
 The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice
 of a colleague on the other end of the line.

 "We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.

 "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.  As he was
 putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"

 "Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact,
 there are three doctors there already!"
 

Top
Subj:     Two Old Ladies Play Bridge (S225)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 9/22/00
      and From: flovilla on 5/24/2001

 Two old ladies have played bridge together for many years,
 and naturally they have gotten to know each other pretty well.

 One day, during a game of cards, one lady suddenly looks up at
 the other and says, "I realize we've known each other for many
 years, but for the life of me, I just can't bring it to mind...
 would you please tell me your name again, dear?"

 There is dead silence for a couple of minutes, then the other
 lady responds, "How soon do you need to know?"
 

Top
Subj:     Chess Players At Hotel (S261)
          From: auntieg on 98-02-12
      and From: jdillow on 1/28/2002
 A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and
 were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
 victories.  After about an hour, the manager came out of the
 office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as
 they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts
 boasting in an open foyer."
 

Top
Subj:     Other Chess Jokes
         From: ossama on 99-02-25
 When you're finally holding all the cards,
 why does everyone else decide to play chess?
 

 The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase
 "Shah Mat," which means "the king is dead".

 "Chess is a foolish expedient for making idle people believe
  they are doing something very clever when they are only
  wasting their time."     George Bernard Shaw.