Subj: Movies Supp
(Includes 85 jokes, 17 1114,17,cf,wYT2a7a,17)
Click "Here" for Movie_Etc-Supp2
Death Row Movie
Subj: Jimmy Fallon on America's Got Talent (S967)
From: The Roosevelts in 2015 (d-On Site)
.......Click 'HERE' to see Jimmy Fallon performed as a
.......guest star on America's Got Talent. He recreated
.......his first act of 10 second impersonations.
Favorite Seinfeld TV
.............Show Moments (S1114)
..........in 2018 (d-On Site)
to see these favorite Seinfeld moments
from George Takei Presents in 2018.
Tim Conway's "The Oldest Man" Diner Skit
From: Fred Carll
..........in 2017 (S1090d-On Site)
The Best Of JayWalking
..........in 2009 (S652d-On Site,WMV)
As Jay Leno prepared to retire
from the "Tonight Show",
he made a tape called "The Best of Jaywalking". Click
'HERE' to see this really funny, WMV video.
Subj: Playing Your Trumpet In A Movie (S272d, S701)
From: dogbyte in 2002
Jerry was hired to play his trumpet
on the score of a
movie, and he was excited. He was especially thrilled
because he got to take two long solos. After the sessions,
which went great, Jerry couldn't wait to see the finished
product. He asked the producer where and when he could
catch the film.
A little embarrassed, the producer
explained that the
music was for a porno flick that would be out in a month,
and he told Jerry where he could go to see it.
A month later, Jerry, with his
collar up and wearing
glasses, went to the theatre where the picture was
playing. He walked in and sat way in the back, next to
an elderly couple who also seemed to be disguised
and hiding. The movie started, and it was the filthiest,
most perverse porno flick ever...group sex, SandM, golden
showers...and then, halfway through, a dog got in on the
Before anyone could blink an
eye, the dog has had sex
with all the women, in every orifice; and most of the
men. Embarrassed, Jerry turned to the old couple and
whispered, "I'm only here for the music."
The woman turned to Jerry and
whispered back, "That's
okay, we're just here to see our dog."
WW II Movie Stars (S475)
From: flovilla in 2006
This web page tells what eighteen
movie stars did during
WW II. To view it click 'HERE'.
Subj: Man w/Ugly Name Wants To Act (S209, S623b)
From: gheckman in 2001
A strikingly handsome young man
walked into the office of a
Hollywood agent with his resume and portfolio in hand. The
agent reviewed the young man's slim resume and small port-
folio with the care that was deserving of this fine young
"You have the very obvious good
looks and excellent demeanor
of an actor. Tell me, have you had any roles that I might
be aware of?"
"Other than the requisite high
school and college plays, no
sir," said the handsome young man.
"I dare say I know the reason
why, with a name like yours,"
said the agent.
"Your name. Penis Van Lesbian.
That's not a name that will
go far in Hollywood. I'd love to represent you, but you'll
have to change your name."
"Sir," the handsome young man
protested. "The Van Lesbian
name was my father's, my grandfather's and his father's
name. We have proudly carried this name for generations
and I will not change it for Hollywood or any other reason."
"If you won't change your name,
I cannot represent you,
"Then I bid you farewell - my
name will not change." With
that, Penis Van Lesbian left the agents office never to
Five Years Later...
The Hollywood agent returned
to his office after lunch with
some producers and shuffled through his mail. Mostly junk
mail, trade journals and the like.
There was one letter. He opened
the envelope and removed
the letter. As he unfolded the fine linen paper, a check
dropped from the folds and onto his desk. He looked at
the check. It was for $ 50,000 dollars! He read the letter:
Several years ago, I entered
your office determined to
become an actor. You refused to represent me unless I
changed my name. I objected, saying The Penis Van Lesbian
name had been carried for generations and left your
office. However, upon leaving, I chanced to reconsider my
hastiness and after considerable reflection, I decided to
heed your advice and endeavored to change my name. Now I
am a famous actor with many roles and known to millions
worldwide. Having achieved this fame and fortune, it is
often that I think back to my meeting with you and your
insistence that I change my name. I owe you a debt of
gratitude, so please accept this check with my humble
thanks, for it was your idea, which has brought me to such
wealth and fame.
Very Sincerely Yours,
Dick Van Dyke"
Subj: Chick Flicks - Cartoon (S416)
By Wiley Miller in 2002
How To Write A Block-Buster Movie
..........in 2004 (S399b)
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
You can view this cute explanation by clicking 'HERE'.
Make Me Laugh
From: Petra van Klaveren-Chini
..........in 2017 (S1089d-On Site)
A mystery lover takes his place
in a theater for opening
night, but his seat is way far from the stage.
The man calls an usher over and
whispers, "I just love a
good mystery, and I have been anxiously anticipating the
opening of this play. However, in order to carefully follow
the clues and fully enjoy the play, I have to watch a
mystery close up. Look how far away I am! If you can get me
a better seat, I'll give you a handsome tip."
The usher nods and says he will be back shortly.
Looking forward to a large tip,
the usher speaks with his
co-workers in the box office, hoping to find some closer
tickets. With just three minutes left until curtain, he
finds an unused ticket at the Will Call window and snatches
Returning to the man in the back
of the theater, he
whispers, "Follow me."
The usher leads the man down
to the second row and proudly
points out the empty seat in the middle.
"Thanks so much," says the theatergoer.
"This seat is
He then hands the usher a quarter.
The usher looks down at the quarter,
leans over and
whispers, "The butler did it in the parlor with the
..........in 2001 (S237, S603)
|Photo from Wat.Midco.net|
These jokes are extremely funny,
but it's length requires
me to make it a separate file. Click 'HERE' to view it.
Subj: Poem - Black and White TV (S340b)
From: Imogenelumen in 2003
Subject: Black and White
(Under age 40? You won't understand.)
You could hardly see for all
Spread the rabbit ears as far as they go.
Pull a chair up to the TV set,
"Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet."
Dependin'g on the channel you
You got Rob and Laura - or Ward and June.
It felt so good. It felt so right.
Life looked better in black and white.
I Love Lucy, The Real McCoys,
Dennis the Menace, the Cleaver boys,
Rawhide, Gunsmoke, Wagon Train,
Superman, Jimmy and Lois Lane.
Father Knows Best, Patty Duke,
Rin Tin Tin and Lassie too,
Donna Reed on Thursday night! --
Life looked better in black and white.
I wanna go back to black and
Everything always turned out right.
Simple people, simple lives...
Good guys always won the fights.
Now nothing is the way it seems,
In living color on the TV screen.
Too many murders, too many fights,
I wanna go back to black and white.
In God they trusted, alone in
bed, they slept,
A promise made was a promise kept.
They never cussed or broke their vows.
They'd never make the network now.
But if I could, I'd rather be
In a TV town in '53.
It felt so good. It felt so right.
Life looked better in black and white.
I'd trade all the channels on
If I could just turn back the clock tonight
To when everybody knew wrong from right.
Life was better in black and white!
Saving Private Ryan (S91)
From: RFSlick in 1998
to read this article
Subj: 93-FM Mate Match Show (S476c)
From: LABLaughsAdult in 2006
Just imagine sitting in traffic
on your way to work and
hearing this. Many PEI folks DID hear this on the 93-FM
morning show in Charlottetown, PEI. The DJs play a game
where they award winners great prizes.
The game is called "Mate Match".
The DJs call someone at
work and ask if they are married or seriously involved
with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she
is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.
The person is also asked to divulge
the name of their
partner (with phone number) for verification. If their
partner answers those same three questions correctly, they
both win the prize.
One particular game, however,
several months ago made the
Charlottetown City drop to its knees with laughter and is
possibly the funniest thing you've heard yet.
Anyway, here's how it all went down:
DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on 93-FM.
Have you ever heard
of 'Mate Match'?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ: "Great! Then you know we're
giving away a trip to
the Gold Coast if you win. What is your name? First
DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is
your wife's name?
First only please."
DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"
Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
DJ: "Okay, first question - when
was the last time
you had sex?"
Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
Brian: "About 10 minutes."
DJ: "Wow! You really want that
trip, huh? No one would ever
have said that if a trip wasn't at stake."
Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
DJ: "Okay. Final question.
Where did you have sex at 8
o'clock this morning?
Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
Brian: "Not that it was all that
great, but her mum is
staying with us for a couple of weeks..."
DJ: "Uh huh..."
Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law
was in the shower
at the time."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: "On the kitchen table."
DJ: "Not that great?? That
is more adventure than
the previous hundred times I've done it.
Okay folks, I will put Brian
on hold, get this wife's work
number and call her up. You listen to this."
[ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ]
DJ: "Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?"
DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"
Clerk: "This is she."
DJ: "Sarah, this is Ed with 93-FM.
We are live on the air
right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple
of hours now."
Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
DJ: "Well, a while now. He is
on the line with us. Brian
knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooo...
do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?"
Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
Brian: (laughing) "Just answer
his questions honestly,
okay? Be completely honest."
DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure.
Now, I will ask you 3 questions,
Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both
of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex?
Sarah?" Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh,
this morning before
Brian went to work."
DJ: "What time?"
Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."
DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough.
I am sure shes trying to
protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah.
You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast.
Are you ready?"
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Where did you have it?"
Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!!
You didn't tell them
that did you?"
Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"
DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?
Sarah: "Up the arse....."
After a long pause, the DJ said,
"Folks, we need to take
a station break"
Subj: Audrey Hepburn Colorized Photo (S1073)
Colorized by Dana Keller
From: AFine963 in 2017
Three Stooges Curly -
.............Fight Scene (S1088d-On Site)
From: Fred Carll in 2017
to see the Three Stooges with
Cutly's EPIC fight scene.
Subj: Celebrity Christmas Voices (S466b)
From: igiggle in 2005
Match the celebrity voice to the show and character...
1) Drew Barrymore
2) Jimmy Durante
3) Boris Karloff
4) Joel Grey
5) Jim Backus
I) Joshua Trundle, a clock maker
II) The Grinch, a mean old hermit
III) Ebenezer Scrooge, a mean old miser
IV) The Narrator with a big schnoz
V) Olive, a talking dog
A) How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
A Christmas hater disguises himself as Santa Claus
to stop the holiday from coming.
B) Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol
On Christmas Eve, a nearsighted miser is visited by
three spirits who teach him to change his ways.
C) Olive, the Other Reindeer
A dog must outsmart an evil postman to reach the
North Pole and replace an injured reindeer.
D) Frosty the Snowman
After a magician's hat brings him to life, a snowman
must travel north as rising temperatures threaten to
E) 'Twas the Night Before Christmas
A mouse family and a human family attempt to appease
Santa Claus, who has been offended by a letter in the
Subj: More Short Movie Jokes
Paris Hilton On SNL w/Jimmy Fallon
..........in 2006 (S489c, S847,d-iFrame)
Source: (Removed from screen.yahoo.com)
Our Gang Comedies
..........in 2008 (S488)
Subj: McLain's Poetic Joke (S478b)
From: LABLaughsClean in 2006
Actress McLain lived in the west
And had an ongoing request.
When she made a joke,
Her friends then all spoke
And would say, Shirley you jest.
Radio Prank Gone Wrong
..........in 2006 (S472b, S847d-On Site,SWF object)
READ BEFORE YOU LISTEN, READ THIS.
A young husband called up the
DJ, asking him to play this
prank on his wife for fun. The couple had just bought a
new house and had a new baby. This is a recording of the
radio DJ pretending to be the husband's boss, calling to
apologize to the wife for firing the husband at this bad
time. Be sure to pay special attention to the last line
spoken by the wife.
You can listen to this radio
broadcast by clicking
Harry Potter And
.............The Crystal Ball
..........in 2006 (S470b,d-On Site,SWF)
41 Childhood Pictures Of The Stars
From: auntiegah in 2005 (S465)
Subj: James Arness in WWII (S460b)
From: igiggle@ in 2005
During World War II, before James Arness portrayed U.S.
marshall Matt Dillon in Gunsmoke, he was the first
American soldier to jump off his boat at the Anzio
beachhead. He was ordered to do so by his commanding
officer because, standing at 6'8", Arness was the
tallest man in his company, and the water's depth
needed to be tested as a safety precaution.
Subj: Reel Classics (S381)
From: igiggle in 2004
A site dedicated to classic movies. This looks like fun.
Subj: Finding Nemo - Web Site Photo (S365b)
From: pns in 2004
To see the cute picture 'Finding Nemo' click 'HERE'.
Subj: Montana Survivor TV Series (S365b)
From: Grampsboyd in 2004
Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Montana is
planning to do its own, entitled "Survivor, Montana Style."
The contestants will start in Billings, travel to Laurel,
Big Timber, Livingston, over to Bozeman, and then to Three
Forks. They will then proceed to Butte, Missoula, up to
St.Ignatius and onto Kalispell.
They will then go through Glacier,
Havre, Malta, Glasgow
and Scobey. From there, they'll proceed to Sidney, Glendive,
Miles City and finally back to Billings.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo
with a big bumper sticker
that reads, "I'm gay, I'm a vegetarian, I voted for Al Gore,
and I'm here to confiscate your guns!"
The first one to make it back
to Billings alive wins!"
Subj: "Buggin You" - Short Animation (S302)
From: BennoRo in 2002 (d-Off Site)
Hi, Alan, maybe you'll like this short animated movie. My
wife sent me this link... BE SURE YOUR SPEAKERS ARE ON!!
From: KMACINTY in 2003 (S311)
When the actress saw her first strands of gray
hair she thought she'd dye.
From: joke-of-the-day.com in 2003 (S312b)
Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.
-- Elizabeth Taylor
From: igiggle in 2004 (S369b)
Seven of the 50 most popular TV broadcasts ever were
episodes of "The Beverly Hillbillies."
From: igiggle in 2004 (S372b)
You burn 50% more calories watching TV
than you do when you sleep.
From: DafterLafter in 2004 (S395b)
Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.
the ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com in 2005
My mother had to send me to the movies with my birth
certificate, so that I wouldn't have to pay the extra
fifty cents that the adults had to pay.
From: LABLaughsClean in 2005 (S436b)
"Wal-mart...do they like make walls there?" --Paris Hilton
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com in 2006
"Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that,
you've got it made." -- George Burns
From: igiggle in 2006 (S377b)
"Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you $50,000 for a kiss
and 50 cents for your soul." -- Marilyn Monroe
...........................Movies from Smiley_Central