Subj: Movies Supp (Gz)
(Includes 79 jokes and articles)
Click "Here" for Movie_Etc-Supp2
Death Row Movie
from
Millanimations
| >>>
Subj: Movies Supp (Gz) (Includes 79 jokes and articles) Click "Here" for Movie_Etc-Supp2 |
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Death Row Movie
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Subj:
WW II Movie Stars (S475)
From: flovilla on 2/20/2006 |
This web page tells what eighteen
movie stars did during
WW II. To view it click
'HERE'.
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Subj: 93-FM
Mate Match Show (S476c)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/22/2006
Just imagine sitting in traffic
on your way to work and
hearing this. Many PEI
folks DID hear this on the 93-FM
morning show in Charlottetown,
PEI. The DJs play a game
where they award winners great
prizes.
The game is called "Mate Match".
The DJs call someone at
work and ask if they are married
or seriously involved
with someone. If the contestant
answers "yes", he or she
is then asked 3 random yet highly
personal questions.
The person is also asked to divulge
the name of their
partner (with phone number)
for verification. If their
partner answers those same three
questions correctly, they
both win the prize.
One particular game,however,
several months ago made the
Charlottetown City drop to its
knees with laughter and is
possibly the funniest thing
you've heard yet.
Anyway, here's how it all went down:
DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on 93-FM.
Have you ever heard
of 'Mate Match'?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ: "Great! Then you know we're
giving away a trip to
the Gold Coast if you win.
What is your name? First
only please."
Contestant: "Brian."
DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is
your wife's name?
First only please."
Brian: "Sara."
DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"
Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
DJ: "Okay, first question - when
was the last time
you had sex?"
Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
Brian: "About 10 minutes."
DJ: "Wow! You really want that
trip, huh? No one would ever
have said that if a trip wasn't
at stake."
Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
DJ: "Okay. Final question.
Where did you have sex at 8
o'clock this morning?
Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
Brian: "Not that it was all that
great, but her mum is
staying with us for a couple
of weeks..."
DJ: "Uh huh..."
Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law
was in the shower
at the time."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: "On the kitchen table."
DJ: "Not that great?? That
is more adventure than
the previous hundred times I've
done it.
Okay folks, I will put Brian
on hold, get this wife's work
number and call her up. You
listen to this."
[ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ]
DJ: "Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?"
(Touchtones.....ringing....)
Clerk: "Kinkos."
DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"
Clerk: "This is she."
DJ: "Sarah, this is Ed with 93-FM.
We are live on the air
right now and I've been talking
with Brian for a couple
of hours now."
Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
DJ: "Well, a while now.
He is on the line with us. Brian
knows not to give any\answers
away or you'll lose. Sooo...
do you know the rules of 'Mate
Match'?"
Sarah: "No."
DJ: "Good!"
Brian: (laughing)
Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
Brian: (laughing) "Just answer
his questions honestly,
okay? Be completely honest."
DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure.
Now, I will ask you 3 questions,
Sarah. If your answers
match Brian's answers, then the both
of you will be off to the Gold
Coast for 5 days on us.
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex?
Sarah?" Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh,
this morning before
Brian went to work."
DJ: "What time?"
Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."
DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough.
I am sure shes trying to
protect his manhood. We've got
one last question, Sarah.
You are one question away from
a trip to the Gold Coast.
Are you ready?"
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Where did you have it?"
Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!!
You didn't tell them
that did you?"
Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"
Sarah: "Well..."
DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?
Sarah: "Up the arse....."
After a long pause, the DJ said,
"Folks, we need to take
a station break"
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Subj: Celebrity
Christmas Voices (S466b)
From: igiggle on 12/23/2005
Match the celebrity voice to the show and character...
Stars:
1) Drew Barrymore
2) Jimmy
Durante
3) Boris
Karloff
4) Joel Grey
5) Jim Backus
Characters:
I)
Joshua Trundle, a clock maker
II) The Grinch,
a mean old hermit
III) Ebenezer Scrooge,
a mean old miser
IV) The Narrator
with a big schnoz
V)
Olive, a talking dog
Shows:
A) How the
Grinch Stole Christmas!
A Christmas hater disguises himself as Santa Claus
to stop the holiday from coming.
B) Mr. Magoo's
Christmas Carol
On Christmas Eve, a nearsighted miser is visited by
three spirits who teach him to change his ways.
C) Olive,
the Other Reindeer
A dog must outsmart an evil postman to reach the
North Pole and replace an injured reindeer.
D) Frosty
the Snowman
After a magician's hat brings him to life, a snowman
must travel north as rising temperatures threaten to
melt him.
E) 'Twas
the Night Before Christmas
A mouse family and a human family attempt to appease
Santa Claus, who has been offended by a letter in the
town's newspaper.
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Subj: Poem
- Black and White TV (S340b)
From: Imogenelumen on 8/5/2003
Subject: Black and White
(Under age 40? You won't understand.)
You could hardly see for all
the snow,
Spread the rabbit ears as far
as they go.
Pull a chair up to the TV set,
"Good Night, David. Good Night,
Chet."
Dependin'g on the channel you
tuned,
You got Rob and Laura - or Ward
and June.
It felt so good. It felt so
right.
Life looked better in black
and white.
I Love Lucy, The Real McCoys,
Dennis the Menace, the Cleaver
boys,
Rawhide, Gunsmoke, Wagon Train,
Superman, Jimmy and Lois Lane.
Father Knows Best, Patty Duke,
Rin Tin Tin and Lassie too,
Donna Reed on Thursday night!
--
Life looked better in black
and white.
I wanna go back to black and
white.
Everything always turned out
right.
Simple people, simple lives...
Good guys always won the fights.
Now nothing is the way it seems,
In living color on the TV screen.
Too many murders, too many fights,
I wanna go back to black and
white.
In God they trusted, alone in
bed, they slept,
A promise made was a promise
kept.
They never cussed or broke their
vows.
They'd never make the network
now.
But if I could, I'd rather be
In a TV town in '53.
It felt so good. It felt so
right.
Life looked better in black
and white.
I'd trade all the channels on
the satellite,
If I could just turn back the
clock tonight
To when everybody knew wrong
from right.
Life was better in black and
white!
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| Subj:
How To Write A Block-Buster Movie (S399b)
From: Gutterville.co.za on 9/8/04 . |
 |
Picture from
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire |
You can view this cute explanation by clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: Alternative
"Lord of the Rings" (S274e)
From: Cypriot on 4/19/2002
One of the cult novels of the
1970s turned out to be "Lord
of the Rings". Written
by one of the unlikeliest of best-
selling authors, it affected
a large number of people, not
least of them being those people
now in their teens saddled
with names like Galadriel.
How would this book have turned
out had it been written by
someone else?
-----
"Lord of the Rings", by Ian
Fleming
Aragorn placed his hand on the
cool, ivory hilt of his
6.38 Anduril sword, half-holding
it in as casual manner
as possible. His eyes
swept the room of the Prancing Pony,
eyeing up the potential threats.
He took out his pipe,
made from the warmed heartwood
of a mature oak. In the
palm of his left hand, he unwrapped
his leather tobacco
pouch filled, as he preferred,
with Gondorian Silk Cut.
Aragorn preferred it to the
harsher, stronger Numenorian
blend ...
-----
"Lord of the Rings", by George
Lucas
"Did you ever wonder who your
father was, Frodo?"
"Uncle Bilbo was my father,
Obi Gan Dalf."
"Your Uncle is a fine man, but
he is not your father. Your
father was a fine warrior and
a great captain, strong in
the Force. He was called
Sarumann the Wise, and he was a
good friend."
"Was? Is he dead?"
"He is no more. It is your
destiny to avenge his death,
young Baggins."
-----
"Lord of the Rings", by Meatloaf
It was a hot summer's day in
the Marsh of the Dead. There
was fog crawling over the swamp
I could listen to the
screams of the Dead Men Calling.
I could see their empty
eyes and the candles blowing
in the wind. You were
licking your finger with the
Ring of Power and I was
dying just to ask for a taste.
We were dancing together
up on the Crack of Doom.
And no-ones gonna know what we've
done.
-----
"Lord of the Rings", by Andrew
Lloyd Weber
Don't cry for me, Numenoria
The truth is, you never sank
down
Beneath those wild waves
Those deep sea wild waves
You never left from
This Middle Earth
-----
"Lord of the Rings", by Gene
Roddenbury
"The Halflings, cap'n, they
will na take the strain"
"Strider, we've got to get out
of this snow. Legolas, did
you get a reading on that creature?"
"Fascinating, Captain.
It appears to be an unknown
creature that lurks in the
pool waiting for passing
strangers. Ecologically
implausible, captain."
"Do you know what it is?"
"I believe I said it was unknown,
Dr Gimli. Logically, if
I knew what it was, then it
wouldn't be unknown."
"Cap'n, we're in some sort of
temporal warp, stretching
and deforming the plot.
The snow should take place a
day before our encounter with
this beastie."
"Captain, what are we going to do."
"Boromir, put on that red armour."....
-----
"Lord of the Rings", by D H
Lawrence
Arwen Evenstar stitched, her
hands moving over the soft
silk of the flag. Her
hands moving, her mind roved, as
free as she was herself trapped.
Aragorn was far, far
away, but active. She thought
of his maleness, and
stitched faster. Her hands
brushed the silken flag, and
she looked across the sward,
eyes passing over the elven
gamekeeper without seeing him,
yet seeing everything ...
-----
"The Lord of the Rings", by
Ernest Hemingway
Frodo Baggins looked at the
ring. The ring was round.
It was a good ring. The
hole at the heart of the ring
was also round. The hole
was clean and pure. The hole
at the heart of the ring had
an emptiness in it that made
Frodo Baggins remember the big
skies of the Shire when
his father had taken him out
and taught him to tear the
heads off the small, furred
things that walked there,
even though he hated blood in
those days and the stink
of the blood was always part
of the emptiness for him
then and ever after.
Frodo Baggins could put the ring
on his finger now. The
stink of the blood and the hole
and the emptiness could
never leave him now. Frodo
Baggins looked at the ash-
heap slopes of Mordor and remembered
the Cuban orc who
had kept the ash on his cigar
all the way to the end.
The orc just drew on the cigar
and smoked the cigar
calmly and kept the ash in a
long gray finger, a hard
finger, right to the moment
that the Rangers beat hit
to death with clubs. He
was mucho orco, the Cuban.
Frodo Baggins looked at the ring
and the hole and smelled
the sulfur smell that came from
the vent in the mountain.
There were scorched black bushes
round the vent. The
vent was like the cleft of the
old whore at the Prancing
Pony on the night that the Black
Riders came. Frodo
Baggins reached in his pouch
and took out the flask of
good grappa there and filled
his mouth and swallowed the
grappa. She was mucha
puta, the old whore.
Frodo Baggins could spit again
so he spat hard, once. He
took the ring and threw it into
the vent.
The earth moved.
-----
"The Lord of the Rings", by
Lewis Carroll
Frodo peered at the wizard,
who looked like nothing he'd
ever seen before except in a
nightmare after his elder
sister's birthday party.
"Come on", he said, "No time
to lose, we've got to go
and lose Bilbo's ring!"
"Lose it?", said Frodo, "Why, I've only just found it."
"Tut tut, no time to argue, we've
got to go and lose it
again."
"But *can* we just lose something
like that?" asked Frodo.
"Without so much as a by-your-leave
or how-de-do?" he
added a little impertinently.
"Of course we can" said the strange
wizard, "Why, I've
frequently lost as many as six
things before breakfast,
rings included. I dare
say you haven't had much practice
at losing things. We can
do *much* better than that if we
really try, you know," he said,
blowing several smoky
rings of various colours into
the room.
Frodo blinked, and wondered if
his big sister had had
*another* party the night before.
-----
"The Lord of the Rings", by
A.A. Milne
"What we're going to do," said
Frodo, "is we're going to
go on an expotition."
"Ooh" said Pippin, "what will we discover?"
"We're not going to *discover*
anything, Pippin, we're
going to *undiscover* uncle
Bilbo's old ring."
"CAN you undiscover things?"
asked Sam. "Discovering
doesn't seem to be a thing you
can UN-, if you know
what I mean."
"Sam", said Frodo, sharpening
his pencil, "You haven't
any brain."
Sam shuffled off trying to look
like he hadn't said
anything, and that it was one
of Frodo's many friends
and relations. Frodo continued,
"Anything that can be
discovered, can be *undiscovered*,
it stands to reason."
"My grandfather Brandybuck undiscovered
his spectacles
once," said Merry.
"There you go then, that proves
it then," said Frodo.
"Of course, we shall have to
beware of Trolls and Orcs
and Things, that will try to
stop us."
"Ooh", said Pippin, shivering
slightly, but only because
it was cold, he told himself.
"Do you mean they'll chase
us with swords and Other Deadly
Weapons? Actually, I've
just remembered something important
I have to do, that
can only be done on... what
day is it tomorrow Merry?"
"Pippin," said Frodo, sucking
his new sharp pencil, "You
haven't any pluck!"
"It's hard to be brave," said
Pippin looking crestfallen,
"When you're a *very* small
hobbit."
-----
(As if this weren't enough,
you'll find more at
http://www.flin.demon.co.uk/althist/auth.htm)
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Subj: Playing
Your Trumpet In A Movie (S272d)
From: dogbyte on 4/17/2002
Jerry was hired to play his trumpet
on the score of a
movie, and he was excited.
He was especially thrilled
because he got to take two long
solos. After the sessions,
which went great, Jerry couldn't
wait to see the finished
product. He asked the
producer where and when he could
catch the film.
A little embarrassed, the producer
explained that the
music was for a porno flick
that would be out in a month,
and he told Jerry where he could
go to see it.
A month later, Jerry, with his
collar up and wearing
glasses, went to the theatre
where the picture was
playing. He walked in
and sat way in the back, next to
an elderly couple who also seemed
to be disguised
and hiding. The movie
started, and it was the filthiest,
most perverse porno flick ever...group
sex, S?M, golden
showers...and then, halfway
through, a dog got in on the
action.
Before anyone could blink an
eye, the dog has had sex
with all the women, in every
orifice; and most of the
men. Embarrassed, Jerry
turned to the old couple and
whispered, "I'm only here for
the music."
The woman turned to Jerry and
whispered back, "That's
okay, we're just here to see
our dog."
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Subj: Chick
Flicks - Cartoon (S416)
From: DafterLafter on 1/18/2005
At: http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/027.htm
 |
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Subj: Man
Attends Mystery Play (S327)
From: LABLaughs.com on 5/5/2003
A mystery lover takes his place
in a theater for opening
night, but his seat is way far
from the stage.
The man calls an usher over and
whispers, "I just love a
good mystery, and I have been
anxiously anticipating the
opening of this play. However,
in order to carefully follow
the clues and fully enjoy the
play, I have to watch a
mystery close up. Look how far
away I am! If you can get me
a better seat, I'll give you
a handsome tip."
The usher nods and says he will be back shortly.
Looking forward to a large tip,
the usher speaks with his
co-workers in the box office,
hoping to find some closer
tickets. With just three minutes
left until curtain, he
finds an unused ticket at the
Will Call window and snatches
it up.
Returning to the man in the back
of the theater, he
whispers, "Follow me."
The usher leads the man down
to the second row and proudly
points out the empty seat in
the middle.
"Thanks so much," says the theatergoer.
"This seat is
perfect."
He then hands the usher a quarter.
The usher looks down at the quarter,
leans over and
whispers, "The butler did it
in the parlor with the
candlestick."
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Subj: A Few
Good Dentists (S302b)
From: Cypriot on 11/15/2002
A scene from "A Few Good Dentists",
starring Tom Cruise and Jack
Nicholson:
Tom Cruise: "Did you order the flossing?"
Jack Nicholson: "You want answers?"
Tom Cruise: "I think I'm entitled."
Jack Nicholson: "You want answers?!!"
Tom Cruise: "I want the tooth!"
Jack Nicholson: "You can't handle
the tooth! Son, we live
in a world that
has oral diseases. And those oral diseases
have to be cured
by men with sharp, painful instruments.
Who's gonna do
it? You?
"I have a greater
responsibility than you can possibly
fathom. You
weep for Gleem and you curse the ADA. You
have that luxury.
You have the luxury of not knowing what
I know: that Gleem's
death, while tragic, probably saved
teeth. And
my existence, while grotesque and incompre-
hensible to you,
saves teeth. You don't want the tooth.
Because deep down,
in places you don't talk about at
parties, you want
me on that molar. You need me on that
molar!
"We use words like
regular checkups, plaque, tartar ...
We use these words
as the backbone to a life spent
cleaning mouths.
You use 'em as a punchline. I have
neither the time
nor the inclination to explain myself to
a man who rises
and sleeps under the very blanket of the
oral hygiene I
provide, then questions the manner in which
I provide it.
I'd prefer you just said thank you and went
on your way.
Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a brush and
scrub a tooth.
Either way, I don't give a damn what you
think you're entitled
to!"
Tom Cruise: "Did you order the flossing?"
Jack Nicholson: "I did my job. I'd do it again."
Tom Cruise: "Did you order the flossing?!!"
Jack Nicholson: "You're damn right I did!"
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| Subj:
Hollywood Squares (S237, S603)
From: Cypriot on 8/3/2001 and From: joych on 7/29/2008 |
 |
Photo from Wat.Midco.net |
These jokes are extremely funny,
but it's length requires
me to make it a separate file.
Click 'HERE' to view
it.
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Subj: More
Short Movie Jokes
 |
Subj:
Paris Hilton On SNL (S489c)
From: BossIsAway.com on 6/8/2006 |
| Subj:
Our Gang Comedies (S488)
From: LABLaughsClean on 5/25/2006 and From: tom on 5/30/2008 |
 |
Top
Subj: McLain's
Poetic Joke (S478b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 3/10/2006
Actress McLain lived in the
west
And had an ongoing request.
When she made a joke,
Her friends then all spoke
And would say, Shirley you jest.
 |
Subj:
Radio Prank Gone Wrong (S472b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 1/25/2006 Drawing from Ginny Prior Media Services |
READ BEFORE YOU LISTEN, READ THIS.
A young husband called up the
DJ, asking him to play this
prank on his wife for fun.
The couple had just bought a
new house and had a new baby.
This is a recording of the
radio DJ pretending to be the
husband's boss, calling to
apologize to the wife for firing
the husband at this bad
time. Be sure to pay special
attention to the last line
spoken by the wife.
You can listen to this radio
broadcast at the source above,
or on my web site by clicking
'HERE'.
| Subj:
Harry Potter And The Crystal Ball (S470b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/18/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
41 Childhood Pictures Of The Stars (S465)
From: auntiegah on 12/17/2005 |
| Subj:
WatchFilms.com (S460b)
From: igiggle on 11/18/2005 |
 |
Top
Subj: James
Arness in WWII (S460b)
From: igiggle@ on 11/14/2005
During World War II, before
James Arness portrayed U.S.
marshall Matt Dillon in Gunsmoke,
he was the first
American soldier to jump off
his boat at the Anzio
beachhead. He was ordered
to do so by his commanding
officer because, standing at
6'8", Arness was the
tallest man in his company,
and
the water's depth
needed to be tested as a safety
precaution.
Top
Subj: Reel
Classics (S381)
From: igiggle on 5/17/2004
A site dedicated to classic
movies. This looks like fun.
- http://www.reelclassics.com/
Top
Subj: Finding
Nemo Picture (S365b)
From: pns on 1/2/2004
To see the cute picture 'Finding
Nemo' go to my wes site at
http://jokelibrary.150m.com/yyPictures/animal3.html#nemo
or click 'Here'
to see the file version.
Top
Subj: Montana
Survivor TV Series (S365b)
From: Grampsboyd on 1/24/2004
Due to the popularity of the
Survivor shows, Montana is
planning to do its own, entitled
"Survivor, Montana Style."
The contestants will start in
Billings, travel to Laurel,
Big Timber, Livingston, over
to Bozeman, and then to Three
Forks. They will then
proceed to Butte, Missoula, up to
St.Ignatius and onto Kalispell.
They will then go through Glacier,
Havre, Malta, Glasgow
and Scobey. From there,
they'll proceed to Sidney, Glendive,
Miles City and finally back
to Billings.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo
with a big bumper sticker
that reads, "I'm gay, I'm a
vegetarian, I voted for Al Gore,
and I'm here to confiscate your
guns!"
The first one to make it back
to Billings alive wins!"
Top
Subj: Short
Movie "Buggin You" (S302)
From: BennoRo on 11/12/2002
Hi, Alan, maybe you'll like
this short animated movie. My
wife sent me this link...
BE SURE YOUR SPEAKERS ARE ON!!
Benno
http://media.smilepop.com/smilepop/flash
/10_2002/sept02-smilepop-bugseren2.swf
From: KMACINTY on 1/17/2003 (S311)
When the actress saw her first
strands of gray
hair she thought she'd dye.
From: joke-of-the-day.com on 1/12/2003
(S312b)
Some of my best leading men
have been dogs and horses.
-- Elizabeth Taylor
From: igiggle on 2/15/2004 (S369b)
Seven of the 50 most popular
TV broadcasts ever were
episodes of "The Beverly Hillbillies."
From: igiggle on 3/4/2004 (S372b)
You burn 50% more calories watching
TV
than you do when you sleep.
From: DafterLafter on 8/23/2004 (S395b)
Two antennas meet on a roof,
fall in love and get married.
the ceremony wasn't much, but
the reception was excellent.
From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 5/6/2005
(S432b)
My mother had to send me to
the movies with my birth
certificate, so that I wouldn't
have to pay the extra
fifty cents that the adults
had to pay.
-- KareemAbdul-Jabbar
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/3/2005 (S436b)
"Wal-mart...do they like make walls
there?" --Paris Hilton
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 2/13/2006
(S474b-quot-comed)
"Acting is all about honesty.
If you can fake that,
you've got it made."
-- George Burns
From: igiggle on 3/13/2006 (S377b)
"Hollywood is a place where
they'll pay you $50,000 for a kiss
and 50 cents for your soul."
-- Marilyn Monroe
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Smiley in the movies from
Smiley_Central |