>>>
Subj:    Movies_Etc Supp2 (Gz)
               (Includes 29 jokes and articles)

Laurel and Hardy
from
darrel94590 on 8/5/2005

>>>
Includes the following:  SNL's Cork Soakers - Movie (S510)
.........................A Stranger Moved In Our Home (S528b)
.........................TV Tetris In Japan (S546)
.........................Funny English Sub-Titles From Hong Kong Films (S515b)
.........................Meeting Paul Newman (S509b)
.........................More Short Movie Jokes
..............................Welcome Back Kotter: Where Are They Now? (S600)
..............................Robert DeNiro On Saturday Night Live (S585)
..............................Celebrity Wax Figures (S585)
..............................Casablanca In A PowerPoint (S585)
..............................Four Funny Commercials (S577b)
..............................We Wish You A Merry Christmas (S569)
..............................Tom Hanks As 007 (S568b)
..............................Lord Of The Rings Parody (S567)
..............................Writers' Strike (S566c)
..............................Contortionist (S552b)
..............................Triumph, The Insult Comic Dog, At The Tonys (S552b)
..............................Star Wars Premier In New York City (S551)
..............................Paul Potts Sings Opera (S550)
..............................Four Jay Leno Interviews (S549c)
..............................On the Street Where You Live (S548b)
..............................The Past And Black and White TV (S547)
..............................South Park On Wheel Of Fortune (S543c)
..............................Audrey Hepburn's "Beauty Tips" (S535)
..............................Fred Astaire Tap Dancing (S534)
..............................Defense Against The Dark Arts (S533)
..............................Movie Start, Then And Now (S531c)
..............................Eddie Haskell, The Beaver, And Wally (S530c)
..............................World's Most Dangerous Comedian - Movie (S528)
..............................FCCFU - Movie (S517b)
..............................The Land of Sandra Dee - Poem (S509c)
..............................Mae West Quotation (S494c)
..............................A True Lone Ranger Story (S546)

============================================================Top
Subj:     SNL's Cork Soakers (S510) 
          From: edapsmas
         on 11/1/2006
Picture from
Yahoo! Video
 The very funny cork soaking skit aired on SNL on January 21,2006.
 You can view it on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

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Subj:     A Stranger Moved In Our Home (S528b)
          From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 3/6/2007

 A few months before I was born, my Dad met a stranger who
 was new to our small Tennessee town.  From the beginning,
 Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon
 invited him to live with our family.  The stranger was
 quickly accepted and was around to welcome me into the
 world a few months later.

 As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family.
 In my young mind, he had a special niche.  My parents were
 complementary instructors: Mom taught me the word of God,
 and Dad taught me to obey it. But the stranger -- he was
 our storyteller.  He would keep us spellbound for hours on
 end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.

 If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or
 science, he always knew the answers about the past, under-
 stood the present and even seemed able to predict the
 future!  He took my family to the first major league ball
 game.  He made me laugh, and he made me cry.  The stranger
 never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.

 Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us
 were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say,
 and she would go to her room and read her books (I wonder
 now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

 Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions,
 but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them.
 Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home...
 not from us, our friends or any visitors.  Our longtime
 visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that
 burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush.

 My Dad was a teetotaler who didn't permit alcohol in the
 home, not even for cooking.  But the stranger encouraged
 us to try it on a regular basis.  He made cigarettes look
 cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished.  He talked
 freely (much too freely!) about sex.

 His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive,
 and generally embarrassing.  I now know that my early
 concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by
 the stranger.  Time after time, he opposed the values of
 my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... and NEVER asked
 to leave.

 More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved
 in with our family.  He has blended right in and is not
 nearly as fascinating as he was at first.  Still, if you
 were to walk into my parent's den today, you would still
 find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone
 to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.  His
 name?...

 We just call him, "TV."

 This is Rex Barker reminding you that while there is
 certainly some great (albeit limited) programming on
 television, it is not called the “Boob Tube” for no reason.

                            \\\//
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Subj:     TV Tetris In Japan (S546 in Asian)
          From: LABLaughsClean
          on 6/25/2007
 Source: http://www.stupidity.org/video/1961

 The Japanese are so weird, and yet, so awesome.  This
 25,000 KB movie is big, but too good to not put on my
 site.  You can view it at the source above, or on my
 site by clicking 'HERE'.

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Subj:     Funny English Sub-Titles From Hong Kong Films (S515b)
          From: From: danschu63 on 12/1/2006
 Source: http://www.esatclear.ie/~irish.trade/bj000004.htm

  1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

  2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

  3. Gun wounds again?

  4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

  5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

  6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!

  7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.

  8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

  9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

 10. You always use violence.  I should've ordered
     glutinous rice chicken.

 11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

 12. You daring lousy guy.

 13. Beat him out of recognizable shape!

 14. I have been scared shitless too much lately.

 15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!

 16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

 17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

 18. How can you use my intestines as a gift?

 19. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the
     scum.  I am sure you will not mind that I remove your
     manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for
     your aunts to eat. [sic, of course]

 20. Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the
     short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your
     gynecologist for a thorough examination.

 21. Greetings, large black person.  Let us not forget to
     form a team up together and go into the country to
     inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of
     the giant lizard person.

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Meeting Paul Newman (S509b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 10/23/2006

 A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small
 New England town where Paul Newman and his family often
 visited.  One Sunday morning the woman got up early to take
 a long walk.

 After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself
 to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone.  She hopped in the
 car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to
 the combination bakery/ice cream parlor.  There was only one
 other patron in the store.

 Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and
 coffee.

 The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact
 with those famous baby-blue eyes.  The actor nodded
 graciously and the star-struck woman smiled demurely.

 "Pull yourself together!", she chides herself.  You're a
 happily married woman with three children.  You're forty-
 five-years old, not a teenager!

 The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip
 chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the
 other.  Then when she went out the door, avoiding even a
 glance in Paul Newman's direction.

 When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful
 of change - but her other hand was empty.  Where's my ice
 cream cone?  Did I leave it in the store?

 Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still
 in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or
 something.  But no ice cream cone was in sight.  With that,
 she happened to look over at Paul Newman.  His face broke
 into his familiar warm, friendly grin and he said to the
 woman,

 "You put it in your purse."

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Subj:     More Short Movie Jokes

Top
Subj:     Welcome Back Kotter: Where Are They Now? (S600)
          From: Television.aol.com on 7/14/2008
Photo from Everett Collection
 Source: http://television.aol.com/photos/welcome-back-kotter-
.........where-are-they-now?icid=200100397x1205567789x1200263394
 Before John Travolta was a big-time movie star, he was
 underachieving Sweathog Vinnie Barbarino in the hit sitcom
 'Welcome Back, Kotter' (1975-79).  With a movie in the works
 starring Ice Cube as Mr. K., it's a perfect time to welcome
 back the original 'Kotter' crew and see where they've been
 since they dropped out of prime time.  You can read the
 details at the above source, or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Robert DeNiro On Saturday Night Live (S585)
          From: edapsmas
          on 4/8/2008
 This 2,400 KB movie is Robert DeNiro's appearance on
 Saturday Night Live.  Click 'HERE' to view it.
 

Top
Subj:     Celebrity Wax Figures (S585)
          From: AOL Music
          on 4/7/2008
 Source http://music.aol.com/photo-galleries/celebrity-wax-figures
 Records aren't the only things music stars immortalize in
 wax.  Check out wax figure comparisons -- some creepy, some
 downright uncanny! -- of Miley Cyrus, Beyonce and more.
 You can view these 19 stars and wax figures at the above
 source, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Casablanca In A PowerPoint (S585)
          From: darrellvip
          on 4/6/2008
 This 4,100 KB PowerPoint Show will wisk you through this
 wonderful movie.  Click 'HERE' to view it on my site.
 

Top
Subj:     Four Funny Commercials (S577b)
          From: aldavito
          on 1/28/2008
 You can view these four funny commercials by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     We Wish You A Merry Christmas (S569)
          From: tom (in Christmas1)
          on 12/15/2007
 On the Jay Leno's Tonight Show, a man plays 'We Wish You A
 Merry Christmas' by bouncing tennis balls on a keyboard.
 Click 'HERE' to play.
 

Top
Subj:     Tom Hanks As 007 (S568b)
          From: CKButch4Femme on 12/10/2007
Photo from Star-Palace
 Source: http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1736163
 Tom Hanks has been in 23 movies and a whopping 21 of them have been
 very good.  Why not Hanks as the next James Bond.  Click on the
 source above to view the trailer, or 'HERE' to view on my site.
 

Top
Subj:     Lord Of The Rings Parody (S567)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 10/29/2007
 Source: http://www.magicthoughts.com/lordrings.html
 This 2,800 KB movie features Jack Black in the MTV Video
 Awards' parody.  It is dirty but cute.  You can view it
 at the source above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Writers' Strike (S566c)
          From: LABLaughsClean
          on 11/26/2007
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20071112
 You can view this cute cartoon at the source above, or on my
 wes site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Contortionist (S552b in Other-Occup)
          From: ginafm on 8/16/2007
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90By5VSaWR4
 This contortionist (slangenjongen) on America's
 Got Talent will make you cringe with pain.  You
 can view it at the source above, or on my web
 site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:.....Triumph, The Insult Comic Dog, At The Tonys (S552b)
          From: YouTube.com
          on 8/16/2007
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=
.........fPO4txW4FTI?mode=related?search=
 (Click on 'Triumph, The Insult Comic Dog' for other videos)
 You can watch Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog, at the Tonys
 at the source above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Star Wars Premier In New York City (S551)
          From: YouTube.com on 8/11/2007 (in ST1)
Picture from YouTube...
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOcKGc8ycCA
 (Click on 'Triumph, The Insult Comic Dog' for other videos)
 Conan O'Brien's "Insult Comic Dog" interviews nerds
 standing in line for the world premier of Star Wars
 Episode 2 - Attack of the Clones on May 16,2002 in
 New York City.    You can view it at the source
 above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Paul Potts Sings Opera (S550 in Englishman)
          From: samhutkins
          on 8/5/2007
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k08yxu57NA?mode=related?search
 Paul Potts, a mobile phone salesman from South Wales,
 sings Nessun dorma on UK talent show "Britain's got
 Talent" featuring Simon Cowell as a judge.  You can
 view it at the source above, or on my web site by
 clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Four Jay Leno Interviews (S549c)
          From: rfslick on 7/21/2007
Photos from FemaleFirst.co.uk
 These four fake interviews with O.J. Simpson, Bill Clinton,
 George W. Bush, and Michael Jackson are very funny.  You
 can view them on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     On the Street Where You Live (S548b in Mus-Supp)
          From: Media @ Large on 7/18/2007
Picture from Damav.com
 Source: http://mediumatlarge.wordpress.com/2007/02/10/
.........on-the-street-where-you-live/
 I have been humming and singing the first line of this
 song from "My Fair Lady' for thirty years.  This wonderful
 clip from the movie includes the words and a bouncing ball.
 You can enjoy it at the source above, or on my web site
 by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     The Past And Black and White TV (S547)
          From: rfslick
          on 7/7/2007
 This trip down memory lane is a little bit disjointed, but
 still quite pleasant.  You can see it on my web site by
 clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     South Park On Wheel Of Fortune (S543c)
          From: edapsmas
          on 6/14/2007
 You can watch this 4,000, crude, inappropriate KB movie
 on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Audrey Hepburn's "Beauty Tips" (S535)
          From: darrell94590 on 4/20/2007
Photo from PosterShop
 This web page is a wonderful poem Audrey Hepburn wrote when
 asked to share her “beauty tips."  It was read at her funeral
 years later.  You can view it on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Fred Astaire Tap Dancing (S534)
          From: darrell94590
          on 4/17/2007
 This 3,200 KB movie is wonderful.  You can see it on
 my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Defense Against The Dark Arts (S533)
          From: Entertainment Weekly
          in the April6,2007 Issue
 Can you place the first six professors of Defense Against
 the Dark Arts from Hogwarts School in the Harry Potter
 movies in chronological order?  You can view a picture
 of the six professors on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Movie Start, Then And Now (S531c)
          From: edapsmas
          on 3/28/2007
 Ars longa, vita brevis, occasio praeceps, experimentum
    periculosum, iudicium difficile.
 Art is long, life is short, opportunity is fleeting,
    experiments are perilous, judgment is difficult.
 You can view this 3,400 KB Power Point Show on my web
    site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Eddie Haskell, The Beaver, And Wally (S530c)
          From: darrell94590
          on 3/17/2007
 You can see this modern picture of these 50's stars
 on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     World's Most Dangerous Comedian (S528)
          From: darrell94590
          on 2/28/2007
 This 3,900 kb movie is very entertaining.  Watch the
 audience expressions.  You can view it on my web site
 by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     FCCFU (S517b)
          From: JOELFALLON on 12/11/06
 Source: http://www.fccfu.com/video/fccfu_lg.mov
 This 4,900 KB movie is a text message about FCC censorship
 of TV.  You can view it at the source above, or on my web
 site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     The Land of Sandra Dee - Poem (S509c)
          From: darrell94590 on 10/23/2006
Picture from RTV Slovenija
 You can read the poem, see the pictures, and remember the
 fifties on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Mae West Quotation (S494c)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 7/10/2006
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20060710
 You can view this Mae West quotation at the source above,
 or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     A True Lone Ranger Story (S546 in Cowboy2)
          From: Stupidity.org on 7/1/2007
Photo from Paul ? Sue's Hoempage
 Source: http://www.stupidity.org/video/1960
 While Jay Thomas is on the Late Show with David Letterman,
 he tells a true Lone Ranger story.  This is very funny
 stuff.  You can see this 21,000 KB movie at the source
 above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 2/21/2007 (S527b)
 "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly,
  and lie about your age."  -- Lucille Ball

From: LABLaughs.com on 4/11/2007 (S536b)
 "The less secure a man is, the more likely he is
  to have extreme prejudices."  -- Clint Eastwood

From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 5/28/2007 (S542b)
 "I hate television. I hate it as much as I hate peanuts.
  But I can't stop eating peanuts."  -- Orson Welles

From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 6/23/2007 (S545b)
 "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be
  necessary from time to time to give a stupid or
  misinformed beholder a black eye."  -- Miss Piggy

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Smiley says Byes from
Imogenelumen on 8/8/2004
.