Subj: Star Trek & Space Jokes2 (Gz)
(Includes 83 jokes and articles)
Space Boy from
Animation Factory
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Subj: Star Trek & Space Jokes2 (Gz) (Includes 83 jokes and articles) |
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Space Boy from Animation Factory |
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| Subj:
The Good Earth (S477c in Earth Lights)
From: igiggle on 3/8/2006 |
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A SWF movie of pictures of earth
played to music. It is
excellent. You can see
it at the source above, or on my
web site by clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: Monkeys
In Space (S322b)
From: DafterLafter on 3/26/2003
A space shuttle was launched
with two monkeys and a woman
on board. Once the shuttle
was in orbit, the control
centre radioed instructions:
"Monkey number one! Monkey
number one to the console!"
The monkey scurried over, perched
itself in front of the
console and was told to release
the pressure in compartment
one, increase the temperature
in engine four and release
oxygen to the reactors. The
monkey adjusted the pressure
and temperature and released
the oxygen.
A few moments later the control
centre called again:
"Monkey number two! Monkey number
two to the console!"
Monkey number two swung over
and settled in front of the
control panel. He was
told to add carbon dioxide to room
four, stop the fuel injection
to engine three, add nitrogen
to the fuel compartment and
analyse the solar radiation.
So the monkey adjusted the carbon
dioxide, fuel injection
and nitrogen and analysed the
solar radiation.
A little later, headquarters
called again: "Woman, please!
Woman approach the console!"
The woman wandered over and sat
down. Before she could
receive any orders she blurted
out: "I know! I know! Feed
the monkeys and don’t touch
anything!"
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Subj: Armageddon
Asteroids (S316b)
From: pns on 2/14/2003
Source: http://news.independent.co.uk/world/science_medical/
then click on Armageddon Asteroids
'best kept secret'
from Independent.co.UK News
in the United Kingdom
A real news story, not a satiric jest
A scientific adviser to the United
States government has
suggested that secrecy might
be the best option if
scientists were ever to discover
that a giant asteroid
was on course to collide with
Earth.
In certain circumstances, nothing
could be done to avoid
such a collision and ensuing
destruction, and it would be
best not to tell the public
anything, said Geoffrey Sommer,
of the Rand Corporation in Santa
Monica, California.
"When a problem arises with high
uncertainty, there is an
opportunity to spin the problem
to avoid global panic. If
you can't do anything about
a warning, then there is no
point in issuing a warning at
all," Dr Sommer told the
association yesterday.
"If an extinction-type impact
is inevitable, then ignorance
for the populace is bliss.
As a matter of common sense, if
you can't intercept it and you
can't move people out of the
way in time, there's nothing
you can do in terms of reducing
the costs of the potential impact,"
he said.
"Overreaction not just by the
public but by policy-makers
scurrying around before the
thing actually hits because we
can't do anything about it anyway...
to a large extent you
are better off not adding to
your social costs," said Dr.
Sommer, who is also an adviser
on terrorism.
The US National Aeronautics and
Space Administration (Nasa)
is conducting a 25-year survey
of the sky to find asteroids
wider than a kilometre which
could have a devastating impact
if they collided with Earth.
So far they have determined the
orbits of about 60 per cent
of these objects and none so
far have a trajectory that
threatens the world within the
next couple of centuries,
said David Morrison of Nasa's
Ames laboratory in Moffat
Field, California.
"There are, however, many things
out there that we know
nothing about," he said.
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Subj: NASA
Interviews Mars Astronauts (S264b)
From: RFSlick on 2/16/2002
(See 'Three
Contractors Tour The White House' in CONTRACTORS)
NASA was interviewing professionals
to be sent to Mars.
Only one could go, and he couldn't
return to Earth.
The first applicant, an engineer,
was asked how much
he wanted to be paid for going.
"A million dollars,"
he answered, "because I want
to donate it to M.I.T."
The next applicant, a doctor,
was asked the same question.
He asked for two million dollars.
"I want to give a
million to my family," he explained,
"and leave the other
million for the advancement
of medical research."
The last applicant was a lawyer.
When asked how much
money he wanted, he whispered
in the interviewer's
ear, "Three million dollars."
"Why so much more than the others?"
the interviewer
asked.
The lawyer replied, "If you give
me $3 million, I'll give
you $1 million, I'll keep $1
million, and we'll send the
engineer."
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Subj: Star
Wars Episode II Line (S260b)
By Mark Rahner, Seattle Times staff reporter
From: Cypriot on 1/18/2002
The Force is strong in John Guth and Jeff Tweiten. How strong?
"Star Wars Episode II: Attack
of the Clones" won't open until
May 16, but the two Seattle-area
fans are already in line for
the film.
Guth, 32, and Tweiten, 24, claimed
the widely uncoveted first
and second places in line outside
the Cinerama on Jan. 1.
Boldly thumbing their noses
at hygiene and day jobs, they
intend to wait there with only
short, alternating breaks, for
the entire four and a half months.
They're using sleeping
bags, and if the weather gets
too much like the ice planet
Hoth, they say they'll sleep
in a van.
The Force is so strong in them
that they're undaunted by the
fact that they don't know whether
"Episode II" will even play
there. Neither does Cinerama's
management.
"Sometimes the best thing about
something is the wait,"
Tweiten said.
A number of critics claimed that
was the best thing about
"Episode 1: The Phantom Menace."
Guth and Tweiten also want to
set a world record for waiting
in line for a movie. Asked
what the current record is, Guth
said he had club members looking
into it. The duo initially
had planned a two-year wait
for the "Star Wars" movie, but
decided to scale it down and
make a start with the new year.
From: http://archives.seattletimes.nwsource.com
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Subj: Pickup
Lines Used At Star Wars Line (S260b)
From: Cypriot on 1/18/2002
PICKUP LINES OVERHEARD WHILE WAITING IN LINE FOR STAR WARS
"Hey, beautiful. What's
a nice girl like you doing waiting
in line without bathing for
10 days?"
"Your place or my Mom's?"
"I ... uh ... ummm ... I ...
uh ... (slaps own forehead)
Stupid! STOO-pid!"
"You're even prettier than my fantasy girlfriend."
"I may look like an Ewok, but
I'm all Wookie where it
counts, baby."
"Date, or date not -- There is no let's just friends be."
"If you only knew the power of the Dork Side."
"How's about a long time of Joe, in a bedroom not far away?"
"Nice buns, princess! On your head, that is."
"Honey, you've been looking for love in Alderaan places!"
"If I said you had a mint first-edition,
still-in-the-box
action figure, would you hold
it against me?"
"I'm gonna be an evil warlord
when I grow up. Want a
Milk Dud?"
\\\//
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Subj: Sex
With A Martian Woman (S145)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 11/07/1999
The US finally sent the first
manned space mission to Mars.
The spacecraft gently touched
down and the astronaut
descended and tested the atmosphere.
Low and behold it was
safe for people to breathe.
He removed his space suit and
exited the spacecraft. He was
amazed to find himself in a
lush green valley surrounded
with beautiful wooded hills.
He hiked for some distance and
came upon a beautiful little
white cottage with a lush green
lawn surrounded by a white
picket fence like something
out of Better Homes and Gardens.
He walked up to the front door
and found it open.
He walked inside, looked around
and hearing noises from the
kitchen he went back there.
WOW, to his amazement he saw the
most beautiful blonde he had
ever seen standing over a large
pot on the stove. Inside the
pot was a gooey mess that she
was stirring with a large spoon.
As he watched she kept
stirring and stirring.
After a couple hours he finally
asked her what she was doing.
She replied that she was having
a baby. He was quite skeptical
but after a couple more hours
of stirring she reached down into
the gooey mess and pulled out
a beautiful baby girl. He told
her that was really amazing
but that was not the way it was done
on Earth. She replied
"How do you do it on Earth?"
With a twinkle in his eyes he
said come on back to the bedroom
and I'll show you. After an
hour of the wildest sex he had ever
experienced he lay back exhausted
and lit up a cigarette. She
said "Well where is the baby."
He said "Oh that takes nine months."
She replied, "Well why did you stop stirring."
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Subj: SW:ESB
Alt Ending (S143)
From: octagon999 on 10/21/1999
Now that we know what happened
in Phantom Menace, this
version seems more likely.....
SCENE: THE FLOATING CITY - BESPIN GANTRY
(A furious lightsaber duel is
underway. DARTH VADER is
backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards
the end of the gantry. A
quick move by Vader chops off
Luke's hand. It goes spinning
off into the ventilation shaft.
Luke backs away. He looks
around, but realizes there's
nowhere to go butstraight down.)
Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told
you what happened to your
father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Darth Vader: No, Luke... I am your father!
Luke: No! It's not true! It's impossible.
Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true...
Luke: NO!
Darth Vader: Yes, it is true...
and you know what else? You
know that brass droid of yours?
Luke: Threepio?
Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio...
I built him... when I was
only 7 years old...
Luke: No...
Darth Vader: Seven years old!
And what have you done? Look
at yourself, no lightsaber, no hand, no job, and
you can't even levitate your own ship out of the
swamp...
Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!
Darth Vader: When you were 20!
When I was 10, I single-handedly
destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!
Luke: Well, it's not my fault...
Darth Vader: Oh, here we go...
"Poor me... my father never gave
me what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my
daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith...waahhh wahhh!"
Luke: Shut up...
Darth Vader: You're a slacker!
By the time I was your age, I
had exterminated the Jedi knights!
Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!
Darth Vader: Oh, for the love
of the Emperor... 10 years old,
winner of the Boonta Eve Open... Only human to
ever fly a Pod Racer... right here baby!
(Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.)
Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're
not my kid... I don't know
whose you are, but you sure ain't mine...
(Luke takes a step off the platform,
hesitates, then plunges
down the shaft. Darth Vader
looks after him.)
Darth Vader: And get a haircut!
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 |
Subj:
Monty Python's Galaxy Song (S510)
Composers: Eric Idle & John Du Prez Author and Singer: Eric Idle |
This version of Monty Python's
"Galaxy Song" is done nicely
in a movie. You can view
it at the source above, or on my
web site by clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: Things
Bill Clinton Would Say In "Star Wars" (S120)
From: DrRibeiro on 5/21/99
Top 14 Things Bill Clinton Would
Say if He Were in "Star Wars"
14> "Well, it depends on your
definition of 'father', Luke."
13> "Who knew the Jedi Mind Trick
could work on 250 million
people
all at once?"
12> "I *absolutely* support the
use of droids in the military...
Okay,
now I don't."
11> "Oh-h-h, you're looking for
a little *WOOKIE*...
Well,
that's different."
10> "Luke, I am your father.
Obi-Wan, I'm your father, too.
And
that Queen chick? I'm her daddy for sure. And Leia's.
And
Lando's, Boba Fett's, Jabba the Hutt's, Chewie's..."
9> "Wretched hive of scum and villainy? Woo-hoo, count me in!"
8> "I think the American people
would like a little more bass
in
my theme music."
7> "Dispose of that troublesome
young Jedi, Vince Skyfoster --
and
make it look like a suicide."
6> "I did not have sexual relations
with that wookie,
Ms.
Chewinsky."
5> "It's a long time ago, in
a galaxy far, far away --
and
I'm still a lyin' weasel."
4> "Cholesterol does not concern
me, Admiral. I want that
Big
Mac -- not excuses."
3> "Sorry about that lightsaber,
Sugar. Just consider it
laser
dental work."
2> "These are not the droids
you're looking for, Ma'am.
Say,
it's getting hot in here -- you might want to take
off
your top."
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing Bill Clinton
Would Say if He Were in "Star Wars"...
1> "She's my sister?!?
Well, back on my home planet of
Arkansas,
that ain't an obstacle!"
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Subj: Star
Wars Holiday Humor (S97)
From: smiles on 98-11-30
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker
were having one of their little
father and son chats. Lightsabers
drawn and sparks flying.
Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead
and glared into his face,
"I know what you're getting
for Christmas, Luke," he said,
"Ohhh, yes! I know!"
Luke fought himself free and
jumped to a higher platfrom just
out of Vader's reach, "How do
you know!?" Luke yelled at
him, "How do you know what I'm
getting for Christmas!?"
Darth Vader shot Luke an icey glare, "I felt your presents."
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Subj: Short
Star Trek/Space Jokes
| Subj:
11 UFO Photos (S584b in Aliens)
From: AOL News on 3/30/2008 |
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You can view these eleven UFO
photos at the above source, or
on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj:
Beer Cans, And Cigarettes In Space (S576c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/15/2008 |
| Subj:
Frank And Ernest On Star Trek (S540b)
From: WashingtonPost.com on 5/14/2007 |
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Subj:
Shuttle Launch (S532)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/3/2007 |
| Subj:
Vader Sessions (S532)
From Akjak.com on 04/03/2007 Source1: http://www.akjak.com/vader-sessions/ |
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Subj:
The Size Of The Planets (S523c)
From: darrell94590 on 1/22/2007 |
| Subj:
50 Space Photos (S522 in Space)
Mostly from the Hubble Telescope on 1/18/07 |
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Subj:
Tractor Beam (S443b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 7/12/2005 |
| Subj:
The GIF - Alien Invaders (S429b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/15/2005 |
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Top
Subj: Astronomy
Picture of the Day (S402)
Authors & editors: Robert Nemiroff (MTU) & Jerry Bonnell (USRA)
http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/astropix.html
or by date
http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/ap040915.html
or search their archive at
http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/archivepix.html
Each day a different image or
photograph of our fascinating
universe is featured, along
with a brief explanation written
by a professional astronomer.
 |
This is the Great Nebula in Orion.
This web site displayed
the picture on 2004 September
27. This is a great sight
to visit every day.
Top
Subj: Star
Trek Apartment For Sale (S390b)
From: jerry on 7/15/2004
Star Trek apartment for sale
on EBay for $1,000,000. To
view the apartment and read
the details, go to my site at
http://jokelibrary.150m.com/xOtherNtoZ/space/apartment.html
or click on 'Here'
to see the file version.
Top
Subj: Amazing
Mars' Close-Up (364)
From: Imogenelumen on 1/19/2004
'Amazing Mars Close-Up' photo
can be seen on my web site at
http://jokelibrary.150m.com/yyPictures/space9.html#mars
or click on 'Here'
to see the file version
Top
Subj: Invisibility
Cloak (S314b)
From: jerry on 2/6/2003
Tokyo University has developed
an "invisibility cloak." It's
in early stages of development
but is spiffy. They foresee
its use, for example, by surgeons
whose own hands and tools
block their view while operating
and by pilots who will be
able to look down at the floor
and see the ground during
landings. The article
has a wonderful picture.
Ananova (UK) 5-Feb-03
http://www.ananova.com/images/web/42152.jpg
or view it on my web site by
clicking 'HERE'.
Top
Subj: SpaceWander
Round Trip First Class (S299)
From: mombear1 on 10/21/2002
Go to the website
http://spacewander.com/USA/english.html
It takes a while to down load
but worth the wait.
It is breath taking..
Top
Subj: Important
May 4th Event (S296b)
From: BennoRo on 10/5/2002
And, since a part of your audience
seems to like really
horrible puns:
A very important event is going
to happen on May the 4th.
I'm telling you so early because
it's so important.
I urge each of you to mark that
date on your calendars with
the letters BU. It's very
important that you include the
letter B with the letter U,
or you may miss the importance
of the event without it.
So go now, and mark your calendars.
Keep repeating to yourselves
as you walk to the calendar,
so you don't forget:
May the 4th, B with U; May the
4th, B with U....
Top
Subj: The
Seti Project (S275b)
From: jerry on 5/5/2002
The SETI@Home project uses the
spare computer power of
volunteer's computers to analyze
the terabytes of radio
signal data collected from the
Arecebo radio telescope
in Puerto Rico.. These
signals are mathematically
processed on these people's
machines to determine if
they have patterns unlikely
to occur naturally.
To date, all the screensavers
that have been running on
the half million computers worldwide
have provided the
equivalent of about 1 million
years of computer processing.
About the time you read this
the 500 millionth data unit
will be analyzed by someone's
computer and returned to SETI.
The SETI program is in the form
of a screen saver. A
volunteer's computer only processes
data when it would
normally be idle.
Nothing found yet although they
have some promising data
sets to check out.
You can become part of the search
by going to
http://setiathome.ssl.berkeley.edu/
Reported by Newsbytes.com,
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/technology/index.html
Top
Subj: Star
Trek Fans Win (267b)
From: jerry on 3/14/2002
Three very lucky sailors from
the U.S.S. Enterprise
aircraft carrier will make guest
appearances on Star
Trek Enterprise playing the
part of crewmen.
The sailors are Aviation Electronic
Technician First
Class Robert Pickering, Aviation
Electrician's Mate
Second Class Timothy Whittington
and Personnelman
Third Class Sara Elizabeth Pizzo.
They were chosen
to appear because of their having
been bestowed the
honor as "Sailors of the Year."
They will appear in "Dessert Crossing" on May 8th on UPN.
Paramount, to keep morale high
on the U.S.S. Enterprise
after it's deployment as the
first ship sent to the
Arabian Sea following 911, has
been providing the crew
with advance tapes of "Enterprise"
episodes.
United Press International 13-Mar-02
Top
Subj: Top
11 Things Uttered by Yoda While Making Love (S181, S575c)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #319 on 7/16/00
11. "Ahhh! Yoda's little
friend you seek!"
10. "Urm. Put a shield
on my saber I must."
9. "Feel the force!"
8. "Foreplay, cuddling -- a
Jedi craves not these things."
7. "Down here, I am.
Find a ladder, I must!"
6. "Do me or do me not -- there
is no try."
5. "Early must I rise.
Leave now you must!"
4. "Happens to every guy sometimes
this does."
3. "When 900 years old you
get, Viagra you need too, hmmmmm?"
2. "Ow, ow, OW! On my
ear you are!"
1. "Who's your Jedi master?
WHO'S your Jedi Master?"
Cmdr Data, Star Trek TNG "As a kid,
I was so ugly, my parents hung
a pork chop around my neck so the dog would play with me."
Cmdr Data, Star Trek TNG "I come from
a town that is so small, we
have a fraction for a zip code. The town is so small, we
have a nephew of crime instead of a godfather."
From: RFSlick on 98-04-08
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam
down my clothes.
The Bible has been translated into Klingon.
From: ossama on 98-06-01
Former astronaut Buzz Aldrin
says the future of space expolration
depends on opening it up to
paying tourists. Finally, an alternative
for families who can't afford
Disneyland.
From: smiles on 98-10-06
Kirk: What is that ensign's
name, Bones? He reminds me of a horse.
Bones: He's Ed, Jim.
Kirk: Bones, what's happened
to Ensign Hunger?
Bones: He's fed Jim.
Kirk: What club is the patient
vactioning with, Bones?
McCoy: He's Med, Jim.
Kirk: Where's Spock? Last I heard,
he was getting really sick
of these jokes!
Bones: He's fled, Jim.
Kirk: What's my cat doing on
the couch?
McCoy: He's shed, Jim.
Kirk: Bones! Its Ensign Paper!
Is he ...
McCoy: Yes, he's shred, Jim.
Kirk: Bones, what about Ensign
Toboggan?
Bones: He's sled, Jim.
Kirk: Bones, what about Ensign
Yeast?
Bones: He's bread, Jim.
Kirk: Who's that one at the end
of the list?
McCoy: He's Zed, Jim.
Kirk: So what happened to Jimmy
Page, Bones?
McCoy: He's Led, Jim.
Kirk: Bones, is he from the FBI?
McCoy: He's Fed, Jim.
Kirk: Bones, that man just ran
by at warp speed!
McCoy: He sped, Jim.
Kirk: Bones, who's that new crew
member who calls himself Clampett?
McCoy: He's Jed, Jim.
Kirk: Bones, what about ensign
Pb?
Bones: He's Lead, Jim.
Spock: Jim! McCoy is lying on
the floor not breathing after
being hit by a laser! What's
wrong with him?
Kirk: He's bones, Spock.
If NASA sent birds into space
they would soon die;
they need gravity to
swallow.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard's fish was named Livingston.
It was discovered on a space
mission that a frog can throw
up. The frog
throws up its stomach first, so the stomach
is dangling out
of its mouth. Then the frog uses its
forearms to dig
out all of the stomach's contents and
then swallows the
stomach back down again.
From: Tom_Adams on 98-10-29 (S92)
"Do you think they could drive
it over to where we planted
the flag?" -- Representative
Sheila Jackson Lee (D) Houston
(While watching transmissions
from the Mars Explorer mission at NASA)
From: auntieg on 98-11-14
David Prowse was the guy in
the Darth Vader suit in Star
Wars. He spoke all of
Vader's lines, and didn't know that
he was going to be dubbed over
by James Earl Jones until
he saw the screening of he movie.
From: mombear1 on 8/21/2001 (S238)
Astronauts are not allowed to
eat beans before they go
into space because passing wind
in a spacesuit damages them.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 11/26/2001
(S252)
"Sometimes I think the surest
sign that intelligent life
exists elsewhere in the universe
is that none of it has
tried to contact us."
-- Bill Watterson, cartoonist
From: dogbyteon 5/13/2002 (S276c)
Duct tape is like "the force."
It has a light side;
It has a dark side;
and it hold the universe together!
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 7/23/2002
(S286b)
Laughter and tears are both
responses to frustration and
exhaustion. I myself prefer
to laugh, since there is
less cleaning up to do afterward.
-- Kurt Vonnegut
From: igiggle on 7/6/2004 (S388b)
True terror is to wake up one
morning and discover that your
high school class is running
the country. ~~Kurt Vonnegut
From: joke-of-the-day.com on 4/10/2003
(S327b)
The best measure of a man's
honesty isn't his income tax
return. It's the zero
adjust on his bathroom scale.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
Reading computer manuals without
the hardware is a
frustrating as reading sex manuals
without the software.
-- Arthur C. Clarke (in Quotes1)
From: LABLaughs.com on 5/4/2003 (S327b)
Be glad of life because it gives
you the chance to love
and to work and to play and
to look at the stars.
-- Henry van Dyke
From the book Mercury by Ben
Bova on 8/20/2005 (S447b)
"History will remember the inhabitants
of [twentieth]
century as the people who went
from Kitty Hawk to
the moon in sixty-six years,
only to languish for the
next thirty in low-Earth orbit.
At the core of the
risk-free society is a self-indulgent
failure of
nerve." -- Buzz Aldrin,
Apollo 11 astronaut
From the book Mercury by Ben
Bova on 8/20/2005 (S447b)
"A species with all its eggs
in one planetary basket
risks becoming an omelet."
-- Stephen Webb,
Where Is Everybody (Copernicus
Books, 2002)
From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 10/31/2005
(S458b)
"Women and cats will do as they
please, and men and dogs
should relax and get used to
the idea" -- Robert A. Heinlein
Be wary of strong drink.
It can make you shoot at
tax collectors and miss.
-- Robert Heinlein (in Quotes1)
From: LABLaughsClean on 5/25/2006 (S488b)
"It's a very sobering feeling
to be up in space and
realize that one's safety factor
was determined by the
lowest bidder on a government
contract." -- Alan Shepherd
From: Newsweek, September 25,2006,
page 27 (S504b)
"We sure appreciate you answering
that age-old question
from Mission Control - how
many astronauts does it take
to unscrew a bolt. Apparently,
it takes three." Pam
Melroy, of Mission Control,
to astronauts stymied by a
stuck bolt while performing
work on the International
Space Station.
From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 3/4/2007
(S528b)
"If knowledge can create problems,
it is not through
ignorance that we can solve
them." -- Isaac Asimov
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say
before he
performs brain
surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final fronter."
Q: Why is the Enterprise like
toilet paper?
A: It goes around Uranus searching
for Klingons!
From: DR SWITZER on 98-04-04
Q: If an athlete gets athlete's
foot, what does
an astronaut get?
A: Missile toe.
From: smiles on 98-10-06
Q: What kind of ticks do you
find on the moon?
A: Luna-ticks!
Q: What kind of bulbs should
you plant on the moon?
A: Light bulbs!
Q: How many Vulcans does it take
to screw in a light bulb?
A: Approximately 1.00000000000000001
Q: How many Borg does it take
to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but the whole collective
enjoys the experience!
Q: What is an astronaut's favorite
meal?
A: Launch!
Q: When is a window like a star?
A: When it's a skylight!
Q: What kinds of songs do planets
like to sing?
A: Nep-tunes!
Q: What kind of poem can you
find in outer space?
A: Uni-verse!
Q: Why couldn't the astronaut
land on the moon?
A: It was already full!
Q: What did the astronaut cook
for lunch?
A: An unidentified frying object!
Q: How did the astronaut serve
dinner in outer space?
A: On flying saucers!
Q: What's the best way to talk
to a martian?
A: Long distance!
Q: What's a martian's normal
eyesight?
A: 20-20-20
Q: Why is it that Capt. Kirk
never tells marsian
jokes at a party.
A: There may be some at the
party.
From: KMacinty on 8/24/99 (S134)
Q: Why aren't there any Puerto
Ricans on Star Trek?
A: Because they're not going
to work in the future, either.
From: JokeCentral.com on 7/7/2005 (S441b)
Source: http://www.jokecenter.com/jokes/Scifi/2565.htm
Q: What did Mr Spock say when
he looked in the toilet?
A: Captains Log
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