Subj: Star Trek and Space Jokes2
(Includes 100 jokes and articles, 05 1055,23,cf,wYT2a,12)
Space Boy from
Subj: Christopher Nolan's 'Interstellar' Trailer (S916d)
Posted by MOVIECLIPS Trailers
.....Christopher Nolan's New 'Interstellar' Trailer features Matthew
.....McConaughey and Anne Hathaway at the helm of a team of astronauts
.....sent by Michael Caine's character to find another inhabitable
.....planet. Click 'HERE' to see this great Sci-Fi movie trailer.
Celestial Quiz (S654)
From: ContraCostaTimes on 7/20/2009, Pg. D1
Photo from The Valve.org...
An incredible 40 years ago today,
men from Earth
first set foot on the moon, setting off the biggest
wave of moon and space gazing in history.
to test your knowledge of the moon pop
culture in this trivia quiz dedicated to the 40th
anniversary of Apollo 11.
ISS Assembly Diagram (S640d)
From: mauryschu on 4/14/2009
This web page shows you the assembly
of the International
Space Station over time and into the future. Click 'HERE'
to see this video.
International Space Station (S640)
From: Friends-Partners.org on 4/14/2009
A space shuttle was launched
with two monkeys and a woman
on board. Once the shuttle was in orbit, the control
centre radioed instructions: "Monkey number one! Monkey
number one to the console!"
The monkey scurried over, perched
itself in front of the
console and was told to release the pressure in compartment
one, increase the temperature in engine four and release
oxygen to the reactors. The monkey adjusted the pressure
and temperature and released the oxygen.
A few moments later the control
centre called again:
"Monkey number two! Monkey number two to the console!"
Monkey number two swung over and settled in front of the
control panel. He was told to add carbon dioxide to room
four, stop the fuel injection to engine three, add nitrogen
to the fuel compartment and analyse the solar radiation.
So the monkey adjusted the carbon dioxide, fuel injection
and nitrogen and analysed the solar radiation.
A little later, headquarters
called again: "Woman, please!
Woman approach the console!"
The woman wandered over and sat
down. Before she could
receive any orders she blurted out: "I know! I know! Feed
the monkeys and don't touch anything!"
Subj: Star Wars: The Force Awakens Trailer (Official) (S979d)
From: Star Wars
........Click 'HERE' to see the Star Wars 7 Official Trailer.
The Good Earth (S477c in Earth Lights)
From: igiggle on 3/8/2006
Source: (Removed from frontiermultimedia.com)
This is a video of pictures of
earth played to music. It
is excellent. You can see it by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Armageddon Asteroids (S316b)
From: pns on 2/14/2003
Source: (Removed from news.independent.co.uk)
A real news story, not a satiric jest
A scientific adviser to the United
States government has
suggested that secrecy might be the best option if
scientists were ever to discover that a giant asteroid
was on course to collide with Earth.
In certain circumstances, nothing
could be done to avoid
such a collision and ensuing destruction, and it would be
best not to tell the public anything, said Geoffrey Sommer,
of the Rand Corporation in Santa Monica, California.
"When a problem arises with high
uncertainty, there is an
opportunity to spin the problem to avoid global panic. If
you can't do anything about a warning, then there is no
point in issuing a warning at all," Dr Sommer told the
"If an extinction-type impact
is inevitable, then ignorance
for the populace is bliss. As a matter of common sense, if
you can't intercept it and you can't move people out of the
way in time, there's nothing you can do in terms of reducing
the costs of the potential impact," he said.
"Overreaction not just by the
public but by policy-makers
scurrying around before the thing actually hits because we
can't do anything about it anyway... to a large extent you
are better off not adding to your social costs," said Dr.
Sommer, who is also an adviser on terrorism.
The US National Aeronautics and
Space Administration (Nasa)
is conducting a 25-year survey of the sky to find asteroids
wider than a kilometre which could have a devastating impact
if they collided with Earth.
So far they have determined the
orbits of about 60 per cent
of these objects and none so far have a trajectory that
threatens the world within the next couple of centuries,
said David Morrison of Nasa's Ames laboratory in Moffat
"There are, however, many things
out there that we know
nothing about," he said.
Monty Python's Galaxy Song (S510d)
Composers: Eric Idle and John Du Prez
Author and Singer: Eric Idle
This version of Monty Python's
"Galaxy Song" is done nicely
in a video. You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: NASA Interviews Mars Astronauts (S264b)
From: RFSlick on 2/16/2002
(See 'Three Contractors Tour The White House' in CONTRACTORS)
NASA was interviewing professionals
to be sent to Mars.
Only one could go, and he couldn't return to Earth.
The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much
he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars,"
he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."
The next applicant, a doctor,
was asked the same question.
He asked for two million dollars. "I want to give a
million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other
million for the advancement of medical research."
The last applicant was a lawyer.
When asked how much
money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's
ear, "Three million dollars."
"Why so much more than the others?"
The lawyer replied, "If you give
me $3 million, I'll give
you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the
Vader Sessions (S532)
From Akjak.com on 04/03/2007
Vader Sessions replaces Darth
Vader's voice with James Earl
Jones voice in other films. This video is great, but too
large for my web site. View it at the above sources.
Subj: Star Wars Episode II Line (S260b)
By Mark Rahner, Seattle Times staff reporter
From: Cypriot on 1/18/2002
The Force is strong in John Guth and Jeff Tweiten. How strong?
"Star Wars Episode II: Attack
of the Clones" won't open until
May 16, but the two Seattle-area fans are already in line for
Guth, 32, and Tweiten, 24, claimed
the widely uncoveted first
and second places in line outside the Cinerama on Jan. 1.
Boldly thumbing their noses at hygiene and day jobs, they
intend to wait there with only short, alternating breaks, for
the entire four and a half months. They're using sleeping
bags, and if the weather gets too much like the ice planet
Hoth, they say they'll sleep in a van.
The Force is so strong in them
that they're undaunted by the
fact that they don't know whether "Episode II" will even play
there. Neither does Cinerama's management.
"Sometimes the best thing about
something is the wait,"
A number of critics claimed that
was the best thing about
"Episode 1: The Phantom Menace."
Guth and Tweiten also want to
set a world record for waiting
in line for a movie. Asked what the current record is, Guth
said he had club members looking into it. The duo initially
had planned a two-year wait for the "Star Wars" movie, but
decided to scale it down and make a start with the new year.
The Size Of The Planets (S523c)
From: darrell94590 on 1/22/2007
These five pictures give you
the relative size of our heavenly
bodies. You can view them by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Pickup Lines Used At Star Wars Line (S260b)
From: Cypriot on 1/18/2002
PICKUP LINES OVERHEARD WHILE WAITING IN LINE FOR STAR WARS
"Hey, beautiful. What's
a nice girl like you doing waiting
in line without bathing for 10 days?"
"Your place or my Mom's?"
"I ... uh ... ummm ... I ...
uh ... (slaps own forehead)
"You're even prettier than my fantasy girlfriend."
"I may look like an Ewok, but
I'm all Wookie where it
"Date, or date not -- There is no let's just friends be."
"If you only knew the power of the Dork Side."
"How's about a long time of Joe, in a bedroom not far away?"
"Nice buns, princess! On your head, that is."
"Honey, you've been looking for love in Alderaan places!"
"If I said you had a mint first-edition,
action figure, would you hold it against me?"
"I'm gonna be an evil warlord
when I grow up. Want a
Star Wars Bloopers (S650b,d)
From: DailyMotion.com on 6/18/2009
Photo from Google.com...
If you are a Star Wars fan, you
will find these animated
bloopers cute and funny. Click 'HERE' to see this video.
This DailyMotion video has a thirty second ad at the start.
Subj: Sex With A Martian Woman (S145)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 11/07/1999
The US finally sent the first
manned space mission to Mars.
The spacecraft gently touched down and the astronaut
descended and tested the atmosphere. Low and behold it was
safe for people to breathe. He removed his space suit and
exited the spacecraft. He was amazed to find himself in a
lush green valley surrounded with beautiful wooded hills.
He hiked for some distance and came upon a beautiful little
white cottage with a lush green lawn surrounded by a white
picket fence like something out of Better Homes and Gardens.
He walked up to the front door and found it open.
He walked inside, looked around
and hearing noises from the
kitchen he went back there. WOW, to his amazement he saw the
most beautiful blonde he had ever seen standing over a large
pot on the stove. Inside the pot was a gooey mess that she
was stirring with a large spoon. As he watched she kept
stirring and stirring.
After a couple hours he finally
asked her what she was doing.
She replied that she was having a baby. He was quite skeptical
but after a couple more hours of stirring she reached down into
the gooey mess and pulled out a beautiful baby girl. He told
her that was really amazing but that was not the way it was done
on Earth. She replied "How do you do it on Earth?"
With a twinkle in his eyes he
said come on back to the bedroom
and I'll show you. After an hour of the wildest sex he had ever
experienced he lay back exhausted and lit up a cigarette. She
said "Well where is the baby." He said "Oh that takes nine months."
She replied, "Well why did you stop stirring."
Gravity Test: Hammer Vs. Feather (S672b,d)
From: Wimp.com on 11/28/2009 (in Science2)
This video shows Astronaut
David Scott in 1971, from
the Apollo 15, on the lunar surface. Scott was part
of the Apollo 15 crew. He applied Galileo's findings
about gravity and mass by testing a falcon feather and
a hammer near the end of the mission.
Click 'HERE' to see this forty-nine second video.
Subj: Things Bill Clinton Would Say In "Star Wars" (S120)
From: DrRibeiro on 5/21/99
Top 14 Things Bill Clinton Would
Say if He Were in "Star Wars"
14> "Well, it depends on your definition of 'father', Luke."
13> "Who knew the Jedi Mind Trick
could work on 250 million
people all at once?"
12> "I *absolutely* support the
use of droids in the military...
Okay, now I don't."
11> "Oh-h-h, you're looking for
a little *WOOKIE*...
Well, that's different."
10> "Luke, I am your father.
Obi-Wan, I'm your father, too.
And that Queen chick? I'm her daddy for sure. And Leia's.
And Lando's, Boba Fett's, Jabba the Hutt's, Chewie's..."
9> "Wretched hive of scum and villainy? Woo-hoo, count me in!"
8> "I think the American people
would like a little more bass
in my theme music."
7> "Dispose of that troublesome
young Jedi, Vince Skyfoster --
and make it look like a suicide."
6> "I did not have sexual relations
with that wookie,
5> "It's a long time ago, in
a galaxy far, far away --
and I'm still a lyin' weasel."
4> "Cholesterol does not concern
me, Admiral. I want that
Big Mac -- not excuses."
3> "Sorry about that lightsaber,
Sugar. Just consider it
laser dental work."
2> "These are not the droids
you're looking for, Ma'am.
Say, it's getting hot in here -- you might want to take
off your top."
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing Bill Clinton
Would Say if He Were in "Star Wars"...
1> "She's my sister?!?
Well, back on my home planet of
Arkansas, that ain't an obstacle!"
by John Graziano on 1/22/2009
|Click on the button below
for the solution
and other space facts.
Subj: Star Wars Holiday Humor (S97)
From: smiles on 98-11-30
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker
were having one of their little
father and son chats. Lightsabers drawn and sparks flying.
Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead
and glared into his face,
"I know what you're getting for Christmas, Luke," he said,
"Ohhh, yes! I know!"
Luke fought himself free and
jumped to a higher platfrom just
out of Vader's reach, "How do you know!?" Luke yelled at
him, "How do you know what I'm getting for Christmas!?"
Darth Vader shot Luke an icey glare, "I felt your presents."
Subj: Short Star Trek/Space Jokes
Subj: Winnie The Pooh (S650)
..........Created by A.A. Milne in his 1920s books
..........Published by Disney on 6/24/2009
Comic Strips (S619c)
By Charles M. Schulz on 11/18/2008
Subj: Star Trek Fans Win (267b)
From: jerry on 3/14/2002
Three very lucky sailors from the U.S.S. Enterprise
aircraft carrier will make guest appearances on Star
Trek Enterprise playing the part of crewmen.
The sailors are Aviation Electronic
Class Robert Pickering, Aviation Electrician's Mate
Second Class Timothy Whittington and Personnelman
Third Class Sara Elizabeth Pizzo. They were chosen
to appear because of their having been bestowed the
honor as "Sailors of the Year."
They will appear in "Dessert Crossing" on May 8th on UPN.
Paramount, to keep morale high
on the U.S.S. Enterprise
after it's deployment as the first ship sent to the
Arabian Sea following 911, has been providing the crew
with advance tapes of "Enterprise" episodes.
United Press International 13-Mar-02
11 UFO Photos (S584b in Aliens)
From: AOL News on 3/30/2008
Source: (Removed from news.aol.com)
You can view these eleven UFO
photos by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Invisibility Cloak (S314b)
From: jerry on 2/6/2003
and From: Ananova (UK) 5-Feb-03
Source: (Removed from ananova.com)
Tokyo University has developed an "invisibility cloak." It's
in early stages of development but is spiffy. They foresee
its use, for example, by surgeons whose own hands and tools
block their view while operating and by pilots who will be
able to look down at the floor and see the ground during
landings. The article has a wonderful picture.
You can view the photo by clicking
Beer Cans, And Cigarettes In Space (S576c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/15/2008
..........Source: (Removed from redtractor-usa.com)
Subj: Star Trek Apartment For Sale (S390b)
From: jerry on 7/15/2004
Star Trek apartment for sale on EBay for $1,000,000. To
view the apartment and read the details, click 'HERE'.
Subj: Frank And Ernest On Star Trek (S540b)
By Bob Thaves on 5/14/2007
Subj: Amazing Mars' Close-Up (364)
From: Imogenelumen on 1/19/2004
'Amazing Mars Close-Up' photo can be clicking on 'HERE'.
Shuttle Launch (S532)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/3/2007
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Subj: SpaceWander Round Trip First Class (S299)
From: mombear1 on 10/21/2002
Go to the website
It takes a while to down load
but worth the wait.
It is breath taking..
50 Space Photos (S522 in Space)
Mostly from the Hubble Telescope
Subj: Important May 4th Event (S296b)
From: BennoRo on 10/5/2002
And, since a part of your audience seems to like really
A very important event is going
to happen on May the 4th.
I'm telling you so early because it's so important.
I urge each of you to mark that
date on your calendars with
the letters BU. It's very important that you include the
letter B with the letter U, or you may miss the importance
of the event without it.
So go now, and mark your calendars.
Keep repeating to yourselves
as you walk to the calendar,
so you don't forget:
May the 4th, B with U; May the
4th, B with U....
Tractor Beam (S443b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 7/12/2005
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
The GIF - Alien Invaders (S429b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/15/2005
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Subj: The Seti Project (S275b)
From: jerry on 5/5/2002
The SETI@Home project uses the spare computer power of
volunteer's computers to analyze the terabytes of radio
signal data collected from the Arecebo radio telescope
in Puerto Rico.. These signals are mathematically
processed on these people's machines to determine if
they have patterns unlikely to occur naturally.
To date, all the screensavers
that have been running on
the half million computers worldwide have provided the
equivalent of about 1 million years of computer processing.
About the time you read this the 500 millionth data unit
will be analyzed by someone's computer and returned to SETI.
The SETI program is in the form
of a screen saver. A
volunteer's computer only processes data when it would
normally be idle.
Nothing found yet although they
have some promising data
sets to check out.
You can become part of the search
by going to
Reported by Newsbytes.com,
Subj: Astronomy Picture of the Day (S402)
..........Authors/editors: Robert Nemiroff (MTU) and Jerry Bonnell (USRA)
or by date
or search their archive at
Each day a different image or photograph of our fascinating
universe is featured, along with a brief explanation written
by a professional astronomer.
This is the Great Nebula in Orion. This web site displayed
the picture on 2004 September 27. This is a great sight
to visit every day.
Cmdr Data, Star Trek TNG "As a kid,
I was so ugly, my parents hung
a pork chop around my neck so the dog would play with me."
Cmdr Data, Star Trek TNG "I come from
a town that is so small, we
have a fraction for a zip code. The town is so small, we
have a nephew of crime instead of a godfather."
From: RFSlick on 98-04-08
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
The Bible has been translated into Klingon.
From: ossama on 98-06-01
Former astronaut Buzz Aldrin says the future of space expolration
depends on opening it up to paying tourists. Finally, an alternative
for families who can't afford Disneyland.
From: smiles on 98-10-06
Kirk: What is that ensign's name, Bones? He reminds me of a horse.
Bones: He's Ed, Jim.
Kirk: Bones, what's happened
to Ensign Hunger?
Bones: He's fed Jim.
Kirk: What club is the patient
vactioning with, Bones?
McCoy: He's Med, Jim.
Kirk: Where's Spock? Last I heard,
he was getting really sick
of these jokes!
Bones: He's fled, Jim.
Kirk: What's my cat doing on
McCoy: He's shed, Jim.
Kirk: Bones! Its Ensign Paper!
Is he ...
McCoy: Yes, he's shred, Jim.
Kirk: Bones, what about Ensign
Bones: He's sled, Jim.
Kirk: Bones, what about Ensign
Bones: He's bread, Jim.
Kirk: Who's that one at the end
of the list?
McCoy: He's Zed, Jim.
Kirk: So what happened to Jimmy
McCoy: He's Led, Jim.
Kirk: Bones, is he from the FBI?
McCoy: He's Fed, Jim.
Kirk: Bones, that man just ran
by at warp speed!
McCoy: He sped, Jim.
Kirk: Bones, who's that new crew
member who calls himself Clampett?
McCoy: He's Jed, Jim.
Kirk: Bones, what about ensign
Bones: He's Lead, Jim.
Spock: Jim! McCoy is lying on
the floor not breathing after
being hit by a laser! What's wrong with him?
Kirk: He's bones, Spock.
If NASA sent birds into space
they would soon die;
they need gravity to swallow.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard's fish was named Livingston.
It was discovered on a space
mission that a frog can throw
up. The frog throws up its stomach first, so the stomach
is dangling out of its mouth. Then the frog uses its
forearms to dig out all of the stomach's contents and
then swallows the stomach back down again.
From: Tom_Adams on 98-10-29 (S92)
"Do you think they could drive it over to where we planted
the flag?" -- Representative Sheila Jackson Lee (D) Houston
(While watching transmissions from the Mars Explorer mission at NASA)
From: auntieg on 98-11-14
David Prowse was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star
Wars. He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that
he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until
he saw the screening of the movie.
From: mombear1 on 8/21/2001 (S238)
Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go
into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 11/26/2001
"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life
exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has
tried to contact us." -- Bill Watterson, cartoonist
From: dogbyteon 5/13/2002 (S276c)
Duct tape is like "the force."
It has a light side;
It has a dark side;
and it hold the universe together!
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 7/23/2002
Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and
exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is
less cleaning up to do afterward. -- Kurt Vonnegut
From: igiggle on 7/6/2004 (S388b)
True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your
high school class is running the country. ~~Kurt Vonnegut
From: joke-of-the-day.com on 4/10/2003
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax
return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
Reading computer manuals without
the hardware is a
frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.
-- Arthur C. Clarke (in Quotes1)
From: LABLaughs.com on 5/4/2003 (S327b)
Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love
and to work and to play and to look at the stars.
-- Henry van Dyke
From the book Mercury by Ben
Bova on 8/20/2005 (S447b)
"History will remember the inhabitants of [twentieth]
century as the people who went from Kitty Hawk to
the moon in sixty-six years, only to languish for the
next thirty in low-Earth orbit. At the core of the
risk-free society is a self-indulgent failure of
nerve." -- Buzz Aldrin, Apollo 11 astronaut
From the book Mercury by Ben
Bova on 8/20/2005 (S447b)
"A species with all its eggs in one planetary basket
risks becoming an omelet." -- Stephen Webb,
Where Is Everybody (Copernicus Books, 2002)
From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 10/31/2005
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs
should relax and get used to the idea" -- Robert A. Heinlein
Be wary of strong drink.
It can make you shoot at
tax collectors and miss. -- Robert Heinlein (in Quotes1)
From: LABLaughsClean on 5/25/2006 (S488b)
"It's a very sobering feeling to be up in space and
realize that one's safety factor was determined by the
lowest bidder on a government contract." -- Alan Shepherd
From: Newsweek, September 25,2006,
page 27 (S504b)
"We sure appreciate you answering that age-old question
from Mission Control - how many astronauts does it take
to unscrew a bolt. Apparently, it takes three." Pam
Melroy, of Mission Control, to astronauts stymied by a
stuck bolt while performing work on the International
From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 3/4/2007
"If knowledge can create problems, it is not through
ignorance that we can solve them." -- Isaac Asimov
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say
performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final fronter."
Q: Why is the Enterprise like
A: It goes around Uranus searching for Klingons!
From: DR SWITZER on 98-04-04
Q: If an athlete gets athlete's foot, what does
an astronaut get?
A: Missile toe.
From: smiles on 98-10-06
Q: What kind of ticks do you find on the moon?
Q: What kind of bulbs should
you plant on the moon?
A: Light bulbs!
Q: How many Vulcans does it take
to screw in a light bulb?
A: Approximately 1.00000000000000001
Q: How many Borg does it take
to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but the whole collective enjoys the experience!
Q: What is an astronaut's favorite
Q: When is a window like a star?
A: When it's a skylight!
Q: What kinds of songs do planets
like to sing?
Q: What kind of poem can you
find in outer space?
Q: Why couldn't the astronaut
land on the moon?
A: It was already full!
Q: What did the astronaut cook
A: An unidentified frying object!
Q: How did the astronaut serve
dinner in outer space?
A: On flying saucers!
Q: What's the best way to talk
to a martian?
A: Long distance!
Q: What's a martian's normal
Q: Why is it that Capt. Kirk
never tells marsian
jokes at a party.
A: There may be some at the party.
From: KMacinty on 8/24/99 (S134)
Q: Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A: Because they're not going to work in the future, either.
From: JokeCentral.com on 7/7/2005 (S441b)
Q: What did Mr Spock say when he looked in the toilet?
A: Captains Log