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Subj:.....Star Trek and Space Jokes2
..........(Includes 98 jokes, 04 1116,25,cf,wYT2a7a,13)
..........L5 Update
..........Click "Here" for Star Trek-Supp
............and "Here" for Star Trek-Supp2
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Space Boy from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  Man Looking Up At The Stars - Photo (S1071 in Supp2)
.........................The Cannae And EMDrive Drives - Videos (S955 in Supp2)
.........................Colliding Galaxies - Hubble Photo (S936 in Supp2)
.........................Star Wars: Ep VII - Trailer #1 (S932 in Supp2)
.........................Metaphor T-Shirt (S916 in Supp2)
.........................Star Trek: The Sext Generation - Video (S913 in Supp2)
.........................Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip (S929 in Supp2)
.........................Star Trek Continues - Video (S909 in Supp2)
.........................SW:ESB Alt Ending (S143 in Supp2)
.........................Red And Rover Sunday Cartoon (S1027 in Supp2)
.........................Celebrate Hubble's 25th Anniversary - Video (S951 in Supp2)
.........................Dr Seuss On Star Trek: The Next Generation (S289 in Supp2)
.........................Candorville Sunday Comic Strip (S1007 in Supp2)
.........................Robot Chicken Star Trek Parody - Video (S902 in Supp2)
.........................Spock's 'Live Long and Prosper' - Video (S943 in Supp2)
.........................Time Lapse Of The Shuttle Through LA - Video (S824 in Sup2)
.........................Calvin and Hobbes Sunday Comic Strip (S1011 in Supp2)
.........................Galactic Collision - Video (S1019 in Supp2)
.........................Pink Floyd Eclipse T-Shirt (S1072 in Supp2)
.........................Tesla's Roadster And Starman - Video (S1100 in Supp2)
.........................Moon Craters - GIF (S1073 in Supp2)
.........................Tour of Orbital Laboratory - Video (S1055 in Supp2)
.........................
.........................Celebrity "Star Wars" World Cup Adidas Commercial-(S699-Sup)
.........................NASA IXS Enterprise - Video (S1028 in Supp)
.........................The Worf of Starfleet - Video (S894 in Supp)
.........................Martin Luther King Was A Trekkie - Video (S883 in Supp)
.........................Zachary Quinto vs. Leonard Nimoy - Video (S854 in Supp)
.........................David Bowie's Space Oddity - Video (S853 in Supp)
.........................How To Get To Mars - Video (S841 in Supp)
.........................Apollo 12 Hit By Lightning - Video (S846 in Supp)
.........................ADOP - NASA - Flying Over The Earth At Night-Vid (S805-Supp)
.........................Dr. Michio Kaku: 4 Types Of Civilizations - Vid (S785-Supp)
.........................Space Shuttle During Launch - Video (S797 in Supp)
.........................Yoda Teaching Skywalker Faith - Video (S779 in Supp)
.........................TEDx - Jeff Greason - Rocket Scientist - Video (S758 - Supp)
.........................Baby Sleeps w/Star Wars Dolls - Photo/Enlargement (S901-Sup)
.........................Star Trek: Picard Argues For Data's Rights - Vid (S746-Supp)
.........................VW Passat Super Bowl Commercial: The Force - Vid (S731-Supp)
.........................NASA - The Frontier Is Everywhere - Video (S732 in Supp)
.........................Arthur C. Clarke Predicting The Future In 1964 - (S712-Supp)
.........................Carl Sagan: Wanderers - Video (S708 in Supp)
.........................Neil deGrasse Tyson: Are We Alone? - Video (S700 in Supp)
.........................Two Tours Of The Space Station - Video (S688 in Supp)
.........................Data Vs. Klingon - Video (S675 in Supp)
.........................Cool Space Painting (S678b in Supp)
.........................Yakko's Universe Song - Cartoon (S737 in Supp)
.........................NASA Satellite Falls On Car - Video (S768 in Supp)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S685b in Supp)
.........................
.........................Christopher Nolan's 'Interstellar' Trailer (S916)
.........................Celestial Quiz - 2 Web Pages w/Newspaper Article (S654)
.........................ISS Assembly Diagram - SWF Video (S640)
.........................International Space Station - Web Site (S640)
.........................Monkeys In Space (S322b)
.........................Star Wars: The Force Awakens Trailer (Official) (S979)
.........................The Good Earth - Video (S477c)
.........................Monty Python's Galaxy Song - Video (S510)
.........................Pickup Lines Used At Star Wars Line (S260b)
.........................Vader Sessions - Web Site w/Video (S532)
.........................The Size Of The Planets - Web Page w/5 Photos (S523c)
.........................NASA Interviews Mars Astronauts (S264b)
.........................Star Wars Bloopers - Video (S650b)
.........................Gravity Test: Hammer Vs. Feather - Video (S672b)
.........................Sex With A Martian Woman (S145)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S629b)
.........................Cosmic Eye - Video (S1088)
.........................Star Wars Holiday Humor (S97)
.........................Candorville Sunday Comic Strip (S1116)
.........................Short Star Trek/Space Jokes
..............................Star Wars Cast (S967 in Supp2)
..............................Top 11 Things Uttered by Yoda
.................................While Making Love (S181, S575c in Supp2)
..............................Corner Of Live Long St And Prosper Ave (S944-Sup2)
..............................Star Wars or Star Trek? - Video/Anim (S962-Supp2)
..............................Star Wars Girlfriend Picture/Pun (S927 in Supp2)
..............................Death Star Eclipse - Picture (S1073 in Supp2)
..............................
..............................Space Chimp Photo From 1961 (S854 in Supp)
..............................Carlsberg's 'Spaceman' (S851 in Supp)
..............................Star Wars Rebus Word Puzzles (S842 in Supp)
..............................Luke - I Am The 99% (S773 in Supp)
..............................What Does The Moon Smell Like? (S852 in Supp)
..............................Non Sequitur Sunday Comic Strip (S768 in Supp)
..............................Pickles Comic Strip (S758 in Supp)
..............................Bad, Bad Walker - Drawing (S886 in Supp)
..............................Space Shuttle Discovery Cockpit - 360? Image (S757-Sup)
..............................Minnesota Death Star - Video (S731 in Supp)
..............................Star Trek Actor Trivia (S844 in Supp)
..............................Star Trek: Tik Tok - Video (S701 in Supp)
..............................Two Mysteries Of Mar's Moon, Phobos (S697 in Supp)
...................................The Phobos Monolith
...................................The Moon Phobos Is Hollow
..............................Star Trek's Godmother, Lucille Ball (S896 in Supp)
..............................Patrick Stewart Helps The Count - Video (S700b in Sup)
..............................Sky, The Device - Cartoon (S874 in Supp)
..............................William Shatner - Mr Tambourine Man - Video (S712b-Sup)
..............................Zits Commic Strip (S876 in Supp)
..............................
..............................Winnie The Pooh Cartoon (S650)
..............................5 Peanuts Comic Strips - Web Page (S619c)
..............................Star Trek Fans Win (267b)
..............................11 UFO Photos - Web Page (S584b)
..............................Invisibility Cloak - Web Page w/Photo (S314b)
..............................Beer Cans, And Cigarettes In Space - Web Page (S576c)
..............................Star Trek Apartment For Sale - Web Page w/5 Photos (S390b)
..............................Frank And Ernest On Star Trek - Cartoon (S540b)
..............................Amazing Mars' Close-Up - Web Page w/Photo (364)
..............................Shuttle Launch - Web Page w/2 Photos (S532)
..............................50 Space Photos On 11 Web Pages (S522)
..............................Important May 4th Event (S296b)
..............................Tractor Beam - Web Page w/Cartoon (S443b)
..............................The GIF - Alien Invaders - Web Page (S429b)
..............................The Seti Project (S275b)
..............................Astronomy Picture of the Day - Photo (S402)

============================================================Top
Subj:     Christopher Nolan's 'Interstellar' Trailer
          Posted by MOVIECLIPS Trailers (S916d-iFrame)
 Source1: www.youtube.com/embed/Lm8p5rlrSkY
 Source2: www.mic.com/articles/95296/watch-christopher-
..........nolan-s-earth-shattering-new-interstellar-trailer
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.....Christopher Nolan's New 'Interstellar' Trailer features Matthew
.....McConaughey and Anne Hathaway at the helm of a team of astronauts
.....sent by Michael Caine's character to find another inhabitable
.....planet.  Click 'HERE' to see this great Sci-Fi movie trailer.

Top
Subj:     Celestial Quiz (S654)
          From: ContraCostaTimes
..........on 7/20/2009, Pg. D1

 An incredible 40 years ago today, men from Earth
 first set foot on the moon, setting off the biggest
 wave of moon and space gazing in history.

 Click 'HERE' to test your knowledge of the moon pop
 culture in this trivia quiz dedicated to the 40th
 anniversary of Apollo 11.

Top
Subj:     ISS Assembly Diagram (S640) 
          From: mauryschu in 2009 (d-On Site, SWF)
 Source: www.i.usatoday.net/tech/graphics/iss_timeline/flash.htm

 This web page shows you the assembly of the International
 Space Station over time and into the future.  Click 'HERE'
 to see this video.
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Subj:     International Space Station (S640) 
          From: Friends-Partners.org in 2009
 Source: www.friends-partners.org/partners/mwade/craft/intation.htm
 Click on this source to read the history if the ISS.
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Top
Subj:     Monkeys In Space (S322b)
          From: DafterLafter in 2003

 A space shuttle was launched with two monkeys and a woman
 on board.  Once the shuttle was in orbit, the control
 centre radioed instructions: "Monkey number one! Monkey
 number one to the console!"

 The monkey scurried over, perched itself in front of the
 console and was told to release the pressure in compartment
 one, increase the temperature in engine four and release
 oxygen to the reactors. The monkey adjusted the pressure
 and temperature and released the oxygen.

 A few moments later the control centre called again:
 "Monkey number two! Monkey number two to the console!"
 Monkey number two swung over and settled in front of the
 control panel.  He was told to add carbon dioxide to room
 four, stop the fuel injection to engine three, add nitrogen
 to the fuel compartment and analyse the solar radiation.
 So the monkey adjusted the carbon dioxide, fuel injection
 and nitrogen and analysed the solar radiation.

 A little later, headquarters called again: "Woman, please!
 Woman approach the console!"

 The woman wandered over and sat down.  Before she could
 receive any orders she blurted out: "I know! I know!  Feed
 the monkeys and don't touch anything!"

Top
Subj:     Star Wars: The Force Awakens Trailer (Official)
          From: Star Wars (S979d-iFrame)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/wCc2v7izk8w
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........Click 'HERE' to see the Star Wars 7 Official Trailer.
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Top
Subj:     The Good Earth(S477c
..........(in Earth Lights)
          in 2006, (d-On Site, SWF)
 Source: (Removed from frontiermultimedia.com)

 This is a video of pictures of earth played to music.  It
 is excellent.  You can see it by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Monty Python's Galaxy Song (S510d-On Site, SWF)
          Composers: Eric Idle and John Du Prez 
          Author and Singer: Eric Idle 
  Picture from SpaceScan
                     From: lordblacknail on 10/28/2006
 Source: www.dingo.care-mail.com/cards/flash/5409/galaxy.swf
 From the 'Meaning of Life' album, MCA Records MCA 6121

 This version of Monty Python's "Galaxy Song" is done nicely
 in a video.  You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Pickup Lines Used At Star Wars Line (S260b)
          From: Cypriot in 2002

 PICKUP LINES OVERHEARD WHILE WAITING IN LINE FOR STAR WARS

 "Hey, beautiful.  What's a nice girl like you doing waiting
 in line without bathing for 10 days?"

 "Your place or my Mom's?"

 "I ... uh ... ummm ... I ... uh ... (slaps own forehead)
 Stupid! STOO-pid!"

 "You're even prettier than my fantasy girlfriend."

 "I may look like an Ewok, but I'm all Wookie where it
 counts, baby."

 "Date, or date not -- There is no let's just friends be."

 "If you only knew the power of the Dork Side."

 "How's about a long time of Joe, in a bedroom not far away?"

 "Nice buns, princess!  On your head, that is."

 "Honey, you've been looking for love in Alderaan places!"

 "If I said you had a mint first-edition, still-in-the-box
 action figure, would you hold it against me?"

 "I'm gonna be an evil warlord when I grow up.  Want a
 Milk Dud?"

Top
Subj:     Vader Sessions
          From Akjak.com
..........on 2007 (S532)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/6A0rwG39Jzk

 Vader Sessions replaces Darth Vader's voice with James Earl
 Jones voice in other films. This video is great, but too
 large for my web site.  View it at the above sources.

Top
Subj:     The Size Of The Planets (S523c)
          From: darrell94590 in 2007

 These five pictures give you the relative size of our heavenly
 bodies.  You can view them by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     NASA Interviews Mars Astronauts (S264b)
          From: RFSlick in 2002

 (See 'Three Contractors Tour The White House' in CONTRACTORS)

 NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars.
 Only one could go, and he couldn't return to Earth.
 The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much
 he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars,"
 he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

 The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question.
 He asked for two million dollars. "I want to give a
 million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other
 million for the advancement of medical research."

 The last applicant was a lawyer.  When asked how much
 money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's
 ear, "Three million dollars."

 "Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer
 asked.

 The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give
 you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the
 engineer."

Top
Subj:     Star Wars Bloopers
          From: DailyMotion.com
..........in 2009 (S650b,d-On Site)
 Source: www.dailymotion.com/video/x4yq9t_star-wars-bloopers_fun

 If you are a Star Wars fan, you will find these animated
 bloopers cute and funny.  Click 'HERE' to see this video.

 This DailyMotion video has a thirty second ad at the start.

Top
Subj:     Gravity Test: Hammer Vs. Feather (S672b)
          From: Wimp.com in 2009 (in Science2)
 Source: www.wimp.com/hammerfeather/(d-On Site)

 This video shows Astronaut David Scott in 1971, from
 the Apollo 15, on the lunar surface.  Scott was part
 of the Apollo 15 crew.  He applied Galileo's findings
 about gravity and mass by testing a falcon feather and
 a hammer near the end of the mission.

 Click 'HERE' to see this forty-nine second video.

Top
Subj:     Sex With A Martian Woman (S145)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com in 1999

 The US finally sent the first manned space mission to Mars.
 The spacecraft gently touched down and the astronaut
 descended and tested the atmosphere. Low and behold it was
 safe for people to breathe. He removed his space suit and
 exited the spacecraft. He was amazed to find himself in a
 lush green valley surrounded with beautiful wooded hills.
 He hiked for some distance and came upon a beautiful little
 white cottage with a lush green lawn surrounded by a white
 picket fence like something out of Better Homes and Gardens.
 He walked up to the front door and found it open.

 He walked inside, looked around and hearing noises from the
 kitchen he went back there. WOW, to his amazement he saw the
 most beautiful blonde he had ever seen standing over a large
 pot on the stove. Inside the pot was a  gooey mess that she
 was stirring with a large spoon. As he watched she kept
 stirring and stirring.

 After a couple hours he finally asked her what she was doing.
 She replied that she was having a baby. He was quite skeptical
 but after a couple more hours of stirring she reached down into
 the gooey mess and pulled out a beautiful baby girl. He told
 her that was really amazing but that was not the way it was done
 on Earth.  She replied "How do you do it on Earth?"

 With a twinkle in his eyes he said come on back to the bedroom
 and I'll show you. After an hour of the wildest sex he had ever
 experienced he lay back exhausted and lit up a cigarette. She
 said "Well where is the baby." He said  "Oh that takes nine months."

 She replied, "Well why did you stop stirring."

Top

     by John Graziano in 2009 (S629b)
 Source: www.gocomics.com/ripleysbelieveitornot/2009/01/22
 
Click on the button below

     for the solution

   and other space facts.

.......

.

Top
Subj:     Cosmic Eye (S1088d-On Site)
          By Danail Obreschkow
          From: AFine in 2017
 Source: www.youtube.com/jfSNxVqprvM

 Click 'HERE' to see this amazing video. Be sure to watch to the end.

Top
Subj:     Star Wars Holiday Humor (S97)
          From: smiles on 1998

 Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little
 father and son chats. Lightsabers drawn and sparks flying.

 Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared into his face,
 "I know what you're getting for Christmas, Luke," he said,
 "Ohhh, yes! I know!"

 Luke fought himself free and jumped to a higher platfrom just
 out of Vader's reach, "How do you know!?" Luke yelled at
 him, "How do you know what I'm getting for Christmas!?"

 Darth Vader shot Luke an icey glare, "I felt your presents."

Top
Subj:     Candorville Sunday Comic Strip (S1116)
          By Darrin Bell in 2018
 Source: www.gocomics.com/candorville/2018/06/03
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Subj:     Short Star Trek/Space Jokes

Top
Subj:     Winnie The Pooh (S650)
..........Created by A.A. Milne in his 1920s books
..........Published by Disney in 2009
 Source: www.creators.com/today-comics.html
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Top
Subj:.....Peanuts Comic Strips (S619c)
          By Charles M. Schulz in 2008
 Source: www.gocomics.com/peanuts/2008/11/18
 Click 'HERE' to see these five Peanuts comic strips
 discuss space, our solar system, and the size of stars.
 

Top
Subj:     Star Trek Fans Win (267b)
          From: jerry in 2002
 Three very lucky sailors from the U.S.S. Enterprise
 aircraft carrier will make guest appearances on Star
 Trek Enterprise playing the part of crewmen.

 The sailors are Aviation Electronic Technician First
 Class Robert Pickering, Aviation Electrician's Mate
 Second Class Timothy Whittington and Personnelman
 Third Class Sara Elizabeth Pizzo.  They were chosen
 to appear because of their having been bestowed the
 honor as "Sailors of the Year."

 They will appear in "Dessert Crossing" on May 8th on UPN.

 Paramount, to keep morale high on the U.S.S. Enterprise
 after it's deployment as the first ship sent to the
 Arabian Sea following 911, has been providing the crew
 with advance tapes of "Enterprise" episodes.

 United Press International 13-Mar-02
 

Top
Subj:     11 UFO Photos (S584b in Aliens)
          From: AOL News in 2008
 Source: (Removed from news.aol.com)
 The tiny beach town of Capitola, Calif., is buzzing about a
 mysterious object that appears to have been photographed on
 May 16 of last year.  Someone using the name Raji posted
 images on the Web site Craigslist, answered a few questions
 from UFO hunters around the world, and then just disappeared
 into cyberspace.

 You can view these eleven UFO photos by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Invisibility Cloak (S314b)
          From: jerry in 2003
 Source: (Removed from ananova.com)
 Tokyo University has developed an "invisibility cloak."  It's
 in early stages of development but is spiffy.  They foresee
 its use, for example, by surgeons whose own hands and tools
 block their view while operating and by pilots who will be
 able to look down at the floor and see the ground during
 landings.  The article has a wonderful picture.

 You can view the photo by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Beer Cans, And Cigarettes In Space (S576c)
          From: LABLaughsClean in 2008
..........Source: (Removed from redtractor-usa.com)
 Scientists employed by the U.S. Strategic Command have
 recently observed an increase in the amount of space
 debris that they are charged with tracking.  You can
 read this interesting space gossip by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Star Trek Apartment For Sale (S390b)
          From: jerry in 2004
 Star Trek apartment for sale on EBay for $1,000,000.  To
 view the apartment and read the details, click 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Frank And Ernest On Star Trek (S540b)
          By Bob Thaves in 2007
 Source: www.gocomics.com/frankandernest/2007/05/14
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Top
Subj:     Amazing Mars' Close-Up (364)
          From: Imogenelumen in 2004
 'Amazing Mars Close-Up' photo can be clicking on 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Shuttle Launch (S532)
          From: LABLaughsClean in 2007
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 The Space Station happened to be passing by when the Shuttle
 launched last September.  Here's something that you don't see
 every day.  The launch, as seen from the International Space
 Station.  You can view these two photos by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     50 Space Photos (S522 in Space)
          Mostly from the Hubble Telescope
          in 2007
 You can view these nine pages of space photos by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Important May 4th Event (S296b)
          From: BennoRo in 2002
 And, since a part of your audience seems to like really
 horrible puns:

 A very important event is going to happen on May the 4th.
 I'm telling you so early because it's so important.

 I urge each of you to mark that date on your calendars with
 the letters BU.  It's very important that you include the
 letter B with the letter U, or you may miss the importance
 of the event without it.

 So go now, and mark your calendars.

 Keep repeating to yourselves as you walk to the calendar,
 so you don't forget:

 May the 4th, B with U; May the 4th, B with U....
 

Top
Subj:     Tractor Beam (S443b)
          From: LABLaughsClean in 2005
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 To view this cartoon by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     The GIF - Alien Invaders
          in 2005 (S429b)
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 To view this animated GIF, click 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     The Seti Project (S275b)
          From: jerry in 2002
 The SETI@Home project uses the spare computer power of
 volunteer's computers to analyze the terabytes of radio
 signal data collected from the Arecebo radio telescope
 in Puerto Rico..  These signals are mathematically
 processed on these people's machines to determine if
 they have patterns unlikely to occur naturally.

 To date, all the screensavers that have been running on
 the half million computers worldwide have provided the
 equivalent of about 1 million years of computer processing.
 About the time you read this the 500 millionth data unit
 will be analyzed by someone's computer and returned to SETI.

 The SETI program is in the form of a screen saver.  A
 volunteer's computer only processes data when it would
 normally be idle.

 Nothing found yet although they have some promising data
 sets to check out.

 You can become part of the search by going to
 www.setiathome.ssl.berkeley.edu/

 Reported by Newsbytes.com,
 www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/technology/index.html
 

Top
Subj:     Astronomy Picture of the Day (S402)
..........Authors/editors: Robert Nemiroff (MTU) and Jerry Bonnell (USRA)

 Each day a different image or photograph of our fascinating
 universe is featured, along with a brief explanation written
 by a professional astronomer.
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 This is the Great Nebula in Orion.  This web site displayed
 the picture on 2004 September 27.  This is a great sight
 to visit every day.
 


 

Cmdr Data, Star Trek TNG "As a kid, I was so ugly, my parents hung
        a pork chop around my neck so the dog would play with me."

Cmdr Data, Star Trek TNG "I come from a town that is so small, we
        have a fraction for a zip code. The town is so small, we
        have a nephew of crime instead of a godfather."

From: RFSlick in 1998
 Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

 The Bible has been translated into Klingon.

From: ossama in 1998
 Former astronaut Buzz Aldrin says the future of space expolration
 depends on opening it up to paying tourists. Finally, an alternative
 for families who can't afford Disneyland.

From: smiles in 1998
 Kirk: What is that ensign's name, Bones? He reminds me of a horse.
 Bones: He's Ed, Jim.

 Kirk: Bones, what's happened to Ensign Hunger?
 Bones: He's fed Jim.

 Kirk: What club is the patient vactioning with, Bones?
 McCoy: He's Med, Jim.

 Kirk: Where's Spock? Last I heard, he was getting really sick
 of these jokes!
 Bones: He's fled, Jim.

 Kirk: What's my cat doing on the couch?
 McCoy: He's shed, Jim.

 Kirk: Bones! Its Ensign Paper! Is he ...
 McCoy: Yes, he's shred, Jim.

 Kirk: Bones, what about Ensign Toboggan?
 Bones: He's sled, Jim.

 Kirk: Bones, what about Ensign Yeast?
 Bones: He's bread, Jim.

 Kirk: Who's that one at the end of the list?
 McCoy: He's Zed, Jim.

 Kirk: So what happened to Jimmy Page, Bones?
 McCoy: He's Led, Jim.

 Kirk: Bones, is he from the FBI?
 McCoy: He's Fed, Jim.

 Kirk: Bones, that man just ran by at warp speed!
 McCoy: He sped, Jim.

 Kirk: Bones, who's that new crew member who calls himself Clampett?
 McCoy: He's Jed, Jim.

 Kirk: Bones, what about ensign Pb?
 Bones: He's Lead, Jim.

 Spock: Jim! McCoy is lying on the floor not breathing after
        being hit by a laser! What's wrong with him?
 Kirk: He's bones, Spock.
 

 If NASA sent birds into space they would soon die;
   they need gravity to swallow.

 Captain Jean-Luc Picard's fish was named Livingston.

 It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw
    up.  The frog throws up its stomach first, so the stomach
    is dangling out of its mouth.  Then the frog uses its
    forearms to dig out all of the stomach's contents and
    then swallows the stomach back down again.

From: Tom_Adams in 1998 (S92)
 "Do you think they could drive it over to where we planted
  the flag?"  --  Representative Sheila Jackson Lee (D) Houston
 (While watching transmissions from the Mars Explorer mission at NASA)

From: auntieg in 1998
 David Prowse was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star
 Wars.  He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that
 he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until
 he saw the screening of the movie.

From: mombear1 in 2001 (S238)
 Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go
 into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day in 2001 (S252)
 "Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life
 exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has
 tried to contact us."  -- Bill Watterson, cartoonist

From: dogbyte in 2002 (S276c)
 Duct tape is like "the force."
 It has a light side;
 It has a dark side;
 and it hold the universe together!

From: Joke-Of-The-Day in 2002 (S286b)
 Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and
 exhaustion.  I myself prefer to laugh, since there is
 less cleaning up to do afterward.  -- Kurt Vonnegut

From: igiggle in 2004 (S388b)
 True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your
 high school class is running the country.  ~~Kurt Vonnegut

From: joke-of-the-day.com in 2003 (S327b)
 The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax
 return.  It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
   -- Arthur C. Clarke

 Reading computer manuals without the hardware is a
 frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.
 -- Arthur C. Clarke (in Quotes1)

From: LABLaughs.com in 2003 (S327b)
 Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love
 and to work and to play and to look at the stars.
   -- Henry van Dyke

From the book Mercury by Ben Bova in 2005 (S447b)
 "History will remember the inhabitants of [twentieth]
  century as the people who went from Kitty Hawk to
  the moon in sixty-six years, only to languish for the
  next thirty in low-Earth orbit. At the core of the
  risk-free society is a self-indulgent failure of
  nerve."  -- Buzz Aldrin, Apollo 11 astronaut

From the book Mercury by Ben Bova in 2005 (S447b)
 "A species with all its eggs in one planetary basket
  risks becoming an omelet."  -- Stephen Webb,
  Where Is Everybody (Copernicus Books, 2002)

From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com in 2005 (S458b)
 "Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs
  should relax and get used to the idea"  -- Robert A. Heinlein

 Be wary of strong drink.  It can make you shoot at
 tax collectors and miss.  --  Robert Heinlein (in Quotes1)

From: LABLaughsClean in 2006 (S488b)
 "It's a very sobering feeling to be up in space and
  realize that one's safety factor was determined by the
  lowest bidder on a government contract."  -- Alan Shepherd

From: Newsweek, September 25,2006, page 27 (S504b)
 "We sure appreciate you answering that age-old question
  from Mission Control - how many astronauts does it take
  to unscrew a bolt.  Apparently, it takes three."  Pam
  Melroy, of Mission Control, to astronauts stymied by a
  stuck bolt while performing work on the International
  Space Station.

From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com in 2007 (S528b)
 "If knowledge can create problems, it is not through
  ignorance that we can solve them."  -- Isaac Asimov

.

 Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he
    performs brain surgery on a blonde?
 A: "Space.  The final fronter."

 Q: Why is the Enterprise like toilet paper?
 A: It goes around Uranus searching for Klingons!

From: DR SWITZER in 1998
 Q: If an athlete gets athlete's foot, what does
    an astronaut get?
 A: Missile toe.

From: smiles in 1998
 Q: What kind of ticks do you find on the moon?
 A: Luna-ticks!

 Q: What kind of bulbs should you plant on the moon?
 A: Light bulbs!

 Q: How many Vulcans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: Approximately 1.00000000000000001

 Q: How many Borg does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: One, but the whole collective enjoys the experience!

 Q: What is an astronaut's favorite meal?
 A: Launch!

 Q: When is a window like a star?
 A: When it's a skylight!

 Q: What kinds of songs do planets like to sing?
 A: Nep-tunes!

 Q: What kind of poem can you find in outer space?
 A: Uni-verse!

 Q: Why couldn't the astronaut land on the moon?
 A: It was already full!

 Q: What did the astronaut cook for lunch?
 A: An unidentified frying object!

 Q: How did the astronaut serve dinner in outer space?
 A: On flying saucers!

 Q: What's the best way to talk to a martian?
 A: Long distance!

 Q: What's a martian's normal eyesight?
 A: 20-20-20

 Q: Why is it that Capt. Kirk never tells marsian
    jokes at a party.
 A: There may be some at the party.

From: KMacinty in 1999 (S134)
 Q: Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
 A: Because they're not going to work in the future, either.

From: JokeCentral.com in 2005 (S441b)
 Q: What did Mr Spock say when he looked in the toilet?
 A: Captains Log

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