Subj: Clinton Scandal1 Jokes
(Includes 19 jokes and articles, 11944n,1,cf,wXT,0)
Animated GIFs Collection
Also see DOCTOR3 file - 'New
Drugs For Men'
FART file - 'Hillary And Janet Girl Talk'
HELL file - 'Saddam Goes To Hell'
KIDS4 file - 'Boy & Girl To Play Doctor'
LETTERS2 file- 'Chain Letter For Men'
MANNERS - 'Dear Abby - Unfaitful Husband'
......................- 'Dear Abby - Unfaitful Husband II'
PLANE2 file - 'Flight Safety'
POLITICAL2 - 'Quote Of The Year'
......................- 'Six Presidents On A Sinking Ship'
POLIT-BUSH - 'Craig Kilborn Quote'
SCHOOL1 file - 'History Lesson'
SOLDIER2 file- 'Two Enemy Soldiers Meet'
Subj: Clinton White House Portrait (S416)
From: jbcary1 on 1/15/2005
Subj: Lewinsky Kaczynski Limerick (S81, S340)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #266 on 98-08-15
and From: pns on 8/4/2003
This is from a contest on Long
Island. The requirements were
to use the words Lewinsky and Kaczynski in a limerick. Here
are the three winners:
Entry # 1
There once was a gal named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
'Twas "Hail to the Chief"
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.
Entry # 2
Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky
We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you look such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And wipe that stuff off of your chinsky.
Entry # 3
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczynski must surely have known:
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter
When deciding how best to be blown.
Subj: How Would You Like Be Bill Clinton's Friend? (S96)
From: RFSlick on 98-09-22
The following is a list of dead
people connected with Bill
James McDougal - Clinton's convicted
Whitewater partner died
of an apparent heart attack, while in solitary confinement.
He was a key witness in Ken Starr's investigation.
Mary Mahoney - A former White
House intern was Starbucks
Coffee Shop in Georgetown. The murder happened just after
she was to go public with her story of sexual harassment
in the White House.
Vince Foster - Former white House
councelor, and colleague
of Hillary Clinton at Little Rock's Rose law firm. Died
of a gunshot wound to the head, ruled a suicide.
Ron Brown - Secretary of Commerce
and former DNC Chairman.
Reported to have died by impact in a plane crash. A
pathologist close to the investigation reported that there
was a hole in the top of Brown's skull resembling a
gunshot wound. At the time of his death Brown was being
investigated, and spoke publicly of his willingness to
cut a deal with prosecutors.
C. Victor Raiser II - & -
Montgomery raiser major players
in the Clinton fund raising organization died in a
private plane crash in July 1992.
Paul Tulley - Democratic National
Director found dead in a hotel room in Little Rock,
September 1992. Described by Clinton as a " Dear
friend and trusted advisor".
Ed Willey - Clinton fund raiser,
found dead November 1993
deep in the woods in Virginia of a gunshot wound to the
head. Ruled a suicide. Ed Willey died on the same day
his wife Kathleen Willey claimed Bill Clinton groped her
in the oval office in the White House. Ed Willey was
involved in several Clinton fund raising events.
Jerry Parks - Head of Clinton's
gubernatorial security team
in Little Rock. Gunned down in his car at a deserted
intersection outside Little Rock. Park's son said his
father was building a dossier on Clinton. He allegedly
threatened to reveal this information. After he died
the files were mysteriously removed from his house.
James Bunch - Died from a gunshot
suicide. It was reported
that he had a "Black Book" of people containing names of
influential people who visited prostitutes in Texas and
James Wilson - Was found dead
in May 1993 from an aparent
hanging suicide. He was reported to have ties to
Kathy Ferguson - Ex-wife of Arkansas
Trooper Danny Ferguson
died in May 1994 was found dead in her living room with
a gunshot to her head. It was ruled a suicide even though
there were several packed suitcases, as if she was going
someware. Danny Ferguson was a co-defendant along with
Bill Clinton in the Paula Jones lawsuit. Kathy Ferguson
was a possible corroborating witness for Paula Jones.
Bill Shelton - Arkansas state
Trooper and fiancee of Kathy
Ferguson. Critical of the suicide ruling of his fiancee,
he was found dead in June, 1994 of a gunshot wound also
ruled a suicide at the gravesite of his fiancee.
Gandy Baugh - Attorney for Clinton
friend Dan Lassater died
by jumping out a window of a tall building January, 1994.
His client was a convicted drug distributor.
Florence Martin - Accountant
sub-contractor for the CIA
related to the Barry Seal Mena Airport drug smuggling
case. Died of three gunshot wounds.
Suzanne Coleman - Reportedly
had an affair with Clinton when
he was Arkansas Attorney General. Died of a gunshot
wound to the back of the head, ruled a suicide. Was
pregnant at the time of her death.
Paula Grober - Clinton's speech
interpreter for the deaf
from 1978 until her death December 9, 1992. She died
in a one car accident.
Danny Casolaro - Investigative
Mena Airport and Arkansas Development Finance Authority.
He slit his wrists, apparent suicide in the middle of
Paul Wilcher - Attorney investigating
corruption at Mena
Airport with Casolaro and the 1980 "October Surprise"
was found dead on a toilet June 22, 1993 in his
Washington DC apartment. Had delivered a report to
Janet Reno 3 weeks before his death.
Jon Parnell Walker - Whitewater
investigator for Resolution
Trust Corp. Jumped to his death from his Arlington,
Virginia apartment balcony August 15, 1993. He was
investigating Morgan Guarantee scandal.
Barbara Wise - Commerce Department
closely with Ron Brown and John Huang. Cause of death
unknown. Died November 29, 1996. Her brused nude body
was found locked in her office at the Department of
Charles Meissner - Assistant
Secretary of Commerce who gave
John Huang special security clearance, died shortly
thereafter in a small plane crash.
Dr. Stanley Heard - Chairman
of the National Chiropractic
Health Care Advisory Committee died with his attorney
Steve Dickson in a small plane crash. Dr. Heard, in
addition to serving on Clinton's advisory council
personally treated Clinton's mother, stepfather and brother.
Barry Seal - Drug running pilot
out of Mena Arkansas, death
was no accident.
Johnny Lawhorn Jr. - Mechanic,
found a check made out to
Clinton in the trunk of a car left in his repair shop.
Died when his car hit a utility pole.
Stanley Huggins - Suicide.
Investigated Madison Guarantee.
His report was never released.
Hershell Friday - Attorney and
Clinton fund raiser died
March 1, 1994 when his plane exploded.
Kevin Ives & Don Henry -
Known as "The boys on the track"
case. Reports say the boys may have stumbled upon the
Mena, Arkansas airport drug operation. Controversaial
case where initial report of death was due to falling
asleep on railroad track. Later reports claim the 2 boys
had been slain before being placed on the tracks. Many
linked to the case died before their testimony could come
before a Grand Jury.
THE FOLLOWING SIX PERSONS HAD INFORMATION ON THE IVES HENRY CASE:
Keith Coney - Died when his motorcycle
slammed into the
back of a truck July, 1988
Keith McMaskle - Died stabbed 113 times, Nov, 1988
Gregory Collins - Died from a gunshot wound January 1989.
Jeff Rhodes - He was shot, mutilated
and found burned in a
trash dump in April 1989.
James Milan - Found decapitated.
Coroner ruled death due
to natural causes.
Jordan Kettleson - Was found
shot to death in the front
seat of his pickup truck in June 1990.
Richard Winters - Was a suspect
in the Ives / Henry deaths.
Was killed in a set-up robbery July 1989
THE FOLLOWING CLINTON BODYGUARDS ARE DEAD:
Major William S. Barkley Jr.
Captain Scott J. Reynolds
Sgt. Brian Hanley
Sgt. Tim Sabel
Major General William Robertson
Col. William Densberger
Col. Robert Kelly
Spec. Gary Rhodes
Subj: Clinton Has A Red Rash (S95)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #271 on 98-11-19
While undressing for bed one
night, ol' Bill notices some-
thing like a red rash around his penis. Alarmed, he
thinks, "I can't let Hillary see this!", and makes a point
of getting to his doctor at Bethesda Naval Hospital, the
very next day. "Doc," he says, "I've got this red ring
around my, you know. What is it, and how do I get rid of
The doctor says, "Well, I'm not
exactly sure what it is,
but take these pills for a week, and see if that takes
care of it. If not, come back and we'll try something else."
Bill takes the pills for the week,but unfortunately, the
red ring is still there after 7 days. He goes back to his
doctor and tells him the pills didn't help.
So the doctor prescribes another
medication, capsules this
time, and gives him the same instructions. Take them for
a week, and come back if it's not improved. Bill takes
the capsules for a week, and the red ring is still there.
So he goes back to his doctor and asks, "What's next?"
The doctor gives him a cream
in a tube this time. Rub
this on every day for a week, and let me know. Bill goes
back in a week and says, "Great news, doc! The rash is
gone! That stuff in the tube was wonderful! What was it?"
The doctor replied, "Lipstick remover".
Subj: Federal Warning (S88)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #227 on 98-09-25
The Center for Disease Control
in Atlanta, Georgia announced
today: The President of the United States has proven that
you CAN get sex from aides.
Subj: Eleventh Commandment (S88 - From: CLINTONSCANDAL)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #235 on 98-10-04
Moses was complaining to God
that the Ten Commandments did
not seem to cover all the offenses that Clinton was
committing. It seemed that another commandment was needed
to cover what he was doing. God agreed and said that he
would get back to Moses right away.
The next day, God said unto Moses,
there shall be an eleventh commandment: "Thou shalt not
put thy rod in Thy staff".
Subj: Monica's Marriage (S86)
From: JOELFALLON on 98-09-24
After all the fuss was over,
Monica Lewinsky met a nice man
and got married. On the first night of the honeymoon, the
newlyweds consummated their union. Afterward, her husband
turned to her with a smile. "Well, Monica, was that the best
experience of your life?"
She thought a moment, then turned
and with a wistful look
answered, "Close, but no cigar."
Subj: Bogus 'Ken Starr' Quote Being Circulated (S86)
From: smiles on 98-09-23
Star Tribune Website editor's
Sept 25, 1998 Steve Yelvington, Editor, startribune.com
Mpls Star Tribune)
Here is the quote that is being attributed to Kenneth Starr:
"Public media should not contain
explicit or implied
descriptions of sex acts. Our society should be purged
of the perverts who provide the media with pornographic
material while pretending it has some redeeming social
value under the public's 'right to know'."
-- Kenneth Starr, 1987, "Sixty Minutes" interview with
This is what the Star Tribune
on-line web site editor,
Steve Yelvington, had to say about this quote:
"That juicy Kenneth Starr quote
is yet another of the
net.legends.bogus variety, along with the modem tax, the
Craig Shergold letter, Good Times, and MAKE.MONEY.FAST.
CBS says it can find no record
of Kenneth Starr ever
appearing on the show. Al Kamen pointed out in the
Washington Post this morning: "anyone who knows Starr
knows he doesn't talk that way." (Kamen also said that
if you recite that quote out loud, you sound like Daffy
Duck. I have not tried that.)
Unfortunately, it's showing up
as a tagline in sigfiles,
which is a remarkably efficient way of spreading this
Subj: Hillary Sees A Fortune Teller (S84)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #211 on 98-09-08
During a recent publicity outing,
Hillary sneaked off to
visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark
and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic
delivered grave news.
"There's no easy way to say this,
so I'll just be blunt:
Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a
violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Hillary stared
at the woman's lined face,
then at the single flickering candle, then down at her
hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself.
She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's
gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.
"Will I be acquitted?"
Subj: Lewinsky Has An Operation (S82)
From: thebartend on 98-08-21
A surgeon went to check on his
very famous patient after
an operation. She was awake, so he examined her. "You'll
be fine Miss Lewinsky" he said.
She asked "How long will it be
before I am able to have a
normal sex life again doctor."
The surgeon seemed to pause,
which alarmed the girl. "What
is the matter Doctor? I will be all right won't I?"
He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine.
It's just that no one
has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
Subj: The Tragic Comedie Of King Leer (S81)
From: smiles on 98-08-14
Scene 1. A forest glen.
Enter Witch Tripp and Kenneth of Starr.
Double, double, Webster Hubbell,
I think I got the Creep in trouble.
Eye of Newt, strap of bra,
Could it be he broke some law?
Praise this broth utmost ephemeral,
Heavens! I left out my Essence of Emeril!
Hark! Who trespasses so near?
Kenneth of Starr: 'Tis I, the Inquisitor. What news?
Witch Tripp: Things proceed with
quickening speed, m'lord.
The maiden Lewinsky, so deeply embroil'd, is now join'd
by the Lady Willey in like pursuit. Daily tightens the
noose around the king.
Starr: Would that it were so,
but he hath good counsel,
and more moves than a chess board. His public, well
pleas'd with good news of the economie, doth o'erlook much.
Witch Tripp: How may I serve you next?
Starr: I have need of acts damnable
and facts verifiable.
Else he may elude me yet.
Witch Tripp: His dog Buddy, freshly
neuter'd, may bear his
master harsh reproach. He may consent to wearing a collar
of our invention, to survey the king at his ease. Dogs are
much accustom'd to insects. What's one more bug?
Starr: Good hag, I rely on you completely. I must away.
(Exeunt Tripp and Starr)
Scene 2. The king's antechamber
Duke of McCurry: My Lord! I needs
must speak with you most
urgently! The castle is assaulted on all sides!
Leer: What would I not give for an hour's peace!
McCurry: An army of reporters
is settled at thy gate. They
are press in name and press in deed, for they press me
daily, nay, hourly for some explanation from thy lips.
Leer: Who is there among them?
McCurry: Lords Jennings, Brokaw,
Rather, Geraldo of
Rivera and a host of others. Methinks I spied the van
from Hard Copy.
Leer: You cut me to the quick.
Do they not know that I
McCurry: They insinuate that thou hast chased too often.
Leer: Never have lies been so
artfully stack'd against a
pure soul. Where is Lady Hillary?
McCurry: Her secretary doth report
that she is lock'd in
her bath, saying over and over, "Why can I not wash my
hands of this guy?"
Leer: Oh cursed fate! I must
be the most solitary mortal
in all creation. Never have I betrayed m'lady's trust.
Messenger: Good king, steel thy
nerve. I bring a missive
from Kenneth of Starr, the Grand Inquisitor.
Leer: Was ever a man as Starr-cross'd
as I? Why does this
man conspire to afflict me thus? My hand is unsteady.
Read it to me.
Messenger: Let me see. He offers
you his regards, blah,
blah, blah, then doth subpoena you to appear at his
chamber at Friday next, to forswear again that thou
tookst no liberties with the Jones wench, who
withdraweth not her claims against you.
Leer: I have already so sworn!
McCurry: It would seem, m'lord,
that the woeful tale of
Lady Willey rekindles old flames.
Leer: I kiss'd the woman on the
forehead, as a sign of
my regard. Never was a king so expos'd!
McCurry: Truer words were ne'er spoken.
Leer: I cannot think on't further.
Leave me to my own
(Exeunt Messenger and McCurry)
Leer: To be forthright, or not
to be forthright, that is
the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or just bag
the whole thing and teach law at a junior college.
Courtier: My liege, you are late for an appointed meeting.
Leer: What's this?
Courtier: You were to interview
a new assistant at the
stroke of two. She seems most capable, and with rare
intellect for one so young and fair.
Leer: Well, tell her I will see her anon, and on, and on.
Courtier: A most clever jest, my king.
Leer: Let us not tarry further.
(Exeunt Leer and courtier. Enter Buddy, from behind a chair)
Buddy: So dearest reader, I bid
Me seeth I have much to do.
And so it comes to this pretty pass
To see if the king doth get some ....
Subj: Brain Cells (S81)
From: RFSlick on 98-08-12
All babies start out with the
same number of raw cells which,
over nine months, develop into a complete female baby. The
problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little
chromosomes to make a male baby instead. Because there are
only so many cells to go around, the cells necessary to
develop a male's reproductive organs have to come from
cells already assigned elsewhere in the female. Recent
tests have shown that these cells are removed from the
communications center of the brain, migrate lower in the
body and develop into male sexual organs.
If you visualize a normal brain
to be similar to a full deck
of cards, this means that males are born a few cards short,
so to speak. Some of their cards are in their shorts. This
difference between the male and female brain manifests
itself in various ways.
Little girls will tend to play
things like house or learn
to read. Little boys, however, will tend to do things like
placing a bucket over their heads and running into walls.
Little girls will think about doing things before taking
any action. Little boys will just punch or kick something
and will look surprised if someone asks them why they just
punched their little brother who was half asleep and looking
the other way. This basic cognitive difference continues to
grow until puberty, when the hormones kick into action and
the trouble really begins.
After puberty, not only the size
of the male and female
brains differ, but the center of thought also differs.
Women think with their heads. Male thoughts often originate
lower in their bodies where their ex-brain cells reside. Of
course, the size of this problem varies from man to man.
In some men only a small number
of brain cells migrate and
they are left with nearly full mental capacity but they
tend to be rather dull, sexually speaking. Such men are
known in medical terms as "Republicans."
Other men suffer larger brain
cell relocation. These men
are medically referred to as "Democrats."
A small number of men suffer
massive brain cell migration
to their groins. These men are usually referred to as....
Subj: Hillary Is Pregnant (S80)
From: ossama on 98-08-12
Hillary went in for her yearly
checkup. When she was
finished, she asked her gynecologist how things looked.
He said he was pleased and that she is in great shape
but, that she was pregnant! She told the doctor there
was no way, but he said that she most definitely was a
month pregnant. Well, she stormed out of the office and
went to the receptionist and took the phone and called
the white house. When the operator answered she said
that it was Hillary and that she wanted to talk to Bill
right away. Well they rang the oval office and Bill answered.
Hillary started screaming: "Do
you know what you did you
lousy jerk. You got me pregnant!!!" The President
remained silent. Again, Hillary shouted, "DO YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU DID, YOU GOOD-FOR-NOTHING JERK? YOU GOT ME
Finally Bill answered "Who is
|Drawing from tom on 8/21/2009|
Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor
for a physical, only to
find out that she's pregnant. She is furious. Here she's
in the middle of her first term as Senator of New York and
this has happened to her.
She calls home, gets Bill on
the phone and immediately
starts screaming; "How could you have let this happen?
With all that's going on right now, you go and get me
pregnant! How could you? I can't believe this! I just
found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your
fault! Your fault!
Well, what have you got to say?"
There is nothing but dead silence on the phone.
She screams again, "Did you hear me?"
Finally she hears Bill's very,
very quiet voice. In a
barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is this?"
Subj: Presidential Advisors Have Bad News And Worse News
From: ossama on 98-06-08
A presidential staff advisor
walks into the daily meeting
a little late and notices that everyone has a glum look on
their face -- some even look a little frightened -- and
Clinton isn't in the room.
"What's the matter" he asked
"Well, we had some bad news, and just got some even worse news"
"What's the bad news?"
"India has detonated some atomic
weapons at their underground
test site; Pakistan has done the same at their proving area;
and China is warning them both that this could lead to regional
war -- that may go nuclear."
"Oh my God, what could be worse than that?"
"Well, Bill just got hold of some Viagra..."
Subj: Monica's Diary (BN2)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #69 on 98-03-19
From Mitch Musicant, Freeport, N.Y.
I'm so excited! Just got a job as an intern at the White
House....and I don't know a thing about medicine. Don't
even know what my duties are yet, but I hope it's a "hands
You won't believe this! I snuck into the Oval Office when
no one was looking. But then I dropped one of my contacts.
So, I got down on my hands and knees and was looking for it
when-guess what-the president walked in. He said, "You
must be the new intern." That man is psychic! I hope he
I think the president likes me. Today he dropped his
contacts on the rug and asked me to find them.
He really likes me.
I have been sent to the stupid Pentagon to work. It is
such a drag. Like they're going to put me in charge of
heat-seeking missiles or something. But I still talk to
my Bubba-cakes on the phone. He calls me "1-900 Monica."
(That means he thinks I'm one in nine hundred. That's
I met a really nice girl today. Her name is Linda. She's
really cool except for that clown hair. Has she ever
heard the word "conditioner?" She looks like Mrs. Ronald McDonald.
I think Linda is hard of hearing. She keeps asking me to
speak louder whenever we go out for a quiet dinner.
Oh-oh. The bad news: I've been subpoenaed. The good
news is that Vernon Jordan is my new best friend. I'm
going job hunting with him tomorrow.
I had to give an affidavit in that stupid Paula Jones'
case. What is she talking about? There are no
distinguishing marks. And, by the way, I am way cuter
than her. She looks like David Brenner in drag.
I've had it. I'm never going to be an intern again. I'm
going back to Hollywood where they pay you for that kind
Finally got home to L.A. and hugged Daddy so hard I
thought I would pop. It's the first time in six months
I called a man "daddy" that I was actually related to.
It is so totally fabulous being back in Brentwood where
they really understand me. O.J. stopped by-he said not
to worry because, "If there's no spot on the dress, it's
All my girlfriends are so jealous of all the attention I'm
getting from Kenneth Starr. I think they have a subpoena
envy. And Linda Tripp. I hate her. I'm thinking of
selling a Linda Doll. You wind it up and it stabs a
Barbie doll in the back.
Got to remember to tell Bubba-cakes my totally do-able
solution to this whole wacky Iraqi crisis. He forgets
that I worked at the Pentagon. Just have Vernon Jordan
get Saddam Whatsisname a job at Revlon. (God, it's a no
They keep asking me if I had sexual relations with the
president. I mean, give me a break. That is so crazy.
I mean, just because every day, when I worked at the
White House, his name was at the top of my "To Do" list.
Sometimes I wish some of the other girls who were in my
position would stand up and be counted. But they might
hit their heads on the President's desk if they did.
They keep talking about immunity... like I caught
something from the President or something. The truth
is, there was always a secret service man outside the
Oval Office protecting us. Now, that's what I call
Omigod. Mom and I are both going to the grand jury.
What is that about anyway? Sounds like some big hotel.
Anyway, I guess I shouldn't have told mom about taking
dictation in the Oval Office. Me and my big mouth!
I'm not really worried. I've got offers to do some
really cool movies that are going straight to video and
starring me! The Full Monica, a sequel to In And Out,
A Pack-O-Lips Now, Wag the Willy and my most favorite:
Good Bill Humping. I hope Speilberg will direct.
Subj: Milk... (S57)
From: auntieg on 98-03-01
A man walks into a tee shirt
There are 3 shirts on display:
The first has a picture of Richard
Nixon with a white mustache
Below the picture is titled "Got Milk"
The second tee shirt has a picture
of Ronald Reagan with a
white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot milk"
The third tee shirt has a picture
of Monica Lewinsky with a
white mustache on it. It is entitled " Not Milk"
Subj: Monica's Statement (S56)
From: bawdymom on 98-02-18
In response to President Clinton's
firm denial, Monica
Lewinsky released a statement through her Lawyer.
"I have had enough! This whole
experience has left a bitter
taste in my mouth, and I can't stomach any more! I feel
as if I am getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has
come to a head and blown up in my face!
This may be a load to handle,
but when times are hard, that
is when I am at my best!
I have faced hard times in the past and I know what is coming.
I will meet this challenge the
only way I know how ... head
on! I have licked bigger odds than this before, and I will
again. No one will ever be able to say that Monica Lewinsky
isn't a fighter, that she quit before the job was done! I
will work non stop and fight this blow by blow until my
name is wiped clean of this dirty affair!
And sure, Willie might have gotten
off before, but I won't
let the little squirt get off that easy this time. I'm
thinking there's a stiff penalty to pay.
Subj: White House Intern Application
From: Anaise on 98-01-29
In case you missed it in the
Help Wanted Section of today's
Greetings prospective White House
interns! This year, our
program is heading into its 69th year of bringing America's
best and brightest to the Nation's Capitol to help the "Head
Man" do his job. We expect that 1998 will be the most
exciting one yet!
Why, you might be asking yourself,
do I want to be a part of
this demanding, yet rewarding program? Check this out:
* Be a part of the action
in the pulsing, throbbing political
scene of the hottest city in the world!
* Get up close and personal with some of America's movers
* See rooms in the White House that even a VIP tour won't
* Get total access to plenty of sensitive Presidential activities!
Sound like it's for you?
Just listen to this testimonial from a former intern:
* "I couldn't believe it!
After only a few months on the job
answering phones and fetching coffee, there I was, debriefing
the president. Getting involved in executive branch affairs
is just fantastic."
-- M. Lewinsky, Beverly Hills, Calif.
As you can see, being a White
House intern is more than long
hours, hot debates and touchy national issues.
Still interested? Fill out this
information form and send it
back to the White House at firstname.lastname@example.org
3. Sex: F__
4. Age: __
5. Measurements: (required for medical purposes)
6. How many beers it takes to get you...
..To lie to a federal prosecutor: __
* Quick quiz:
1. You've always considered the
a) a monument to democracy
b) the place where great leaders meet
c) vaguely erotic
d) extremely erotic
2. Hillary Clinton is a(n):
a) model wife and mother
b) icon of late 20th century femininity
d )inappropriate companion for the leader of the free world
3. You've always wanted to know
more about the President's:
a) Israeli policies
b) childhood in Hope, Ark.
c) romper room
d) "monument to democracy"
4. My social life as an intern
would likely consist of:
a) hitting Georgetown bars with the other interns
b) reading, study
c) late nights working at the White House
d) late nights working the White House
1 point for each a
2 for each b
3 for each c
4 for each d
Scores of 16 can start tomorrow.
Scores of 12 and above, please call soon.
Scores of 10 and below, you are not qualified, sorry.
Uncle Sam wants you.
Subj: Four Presidents Visit Oz (S15)
From: TNKRTEACH on 97-05-10
and From: PGSP4LIFE on 09/17/1999
(Also see 'Four Presidents Visit Oz' in Polit-Supp)
The last four U.S. Presidents
are caught in a tornado,
and off they spin To OZ. After threatening trials and
tribulations, they finally make it to The Emerald City
and come before the Great Wizard.
WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD ? WHAT DO YOU WANT ?
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly:
"I had a terrible time
with Iran, so I've come for some courage."
"NO PROBLEM" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?"
Ronald Reagan steps forward,
"Well.., Well.., Well.., I
need a brain."
"DONE" says the Wizard. "WHO
COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT
WIZARD?" Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the
American people that I Need a heart."
"I'VE HEARD IT'S TRUE" says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."
Then there is a great silence.
Bill Clinton is just
standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally
asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO
THE EMERALD CITY ?"
"Is Dorothy around?"